Why I Will Not Vote For Any President

The behavior of Kenyan voters is also akin to the man who goes out for a drink in a bar full of prostitutes with too much make up. One blacker-than-the-darkest-night woman chooses to use scarlet red lipstick and looks like something out of a Hollywood horror movie... By the time the man’s watch says it is 2 am all the women and especially the dark-black-complexion-in-red-lipstick woman look like angels...
In Kenya it is now 2 am 

 

Come March 4th and I will NOT vote any of the clowns thus far before us. I am through with this story of voting for the lesser evil which is what I have done in past elections.

If you look at the leading contenders for the Kenyan presidency not a single one of them is qualified for the highest office in the land so much so that we have no business even discussing their merits and de-merits. Opinion polls show that a man who has been an equal partner of the irresponsible slow-to-act-no-security-in-the-country government of the last 5 years is set to be elected. Close in his heels in the polls is an ICC suspect… and I can go on and on.

Regular readers of Kumekucha will know that I have a simple but effective system for gauging the mood on the ground and I can tell you that Kenyans are very much in an election mood. The problem is the vast majority have stopped thinking.

We Kenyans have a very serious problem when it comes to election time, we usually stop thinking and start behaving very strangely indeed. Only to start complaining about bad leadership just a few months down the road when the honeymoon is over and the clowns we have elected have to actually get down to the work of being our leaders.

Let me illustrate this for you a little more vividly. The old dukawallas (Asian shopkeepers) of Kenya were always a very disciplined lot and that is how most ended up making so much money. They used to have a saying that went like this;

Mboro simama akili potea

For those who don’t know Swahili it simply means that when a certain part of the male anatomy is gorged with blood (to be more specific the tool that ensures that you do not go six feet under without leaving heirs to your property or stupidity) you stop thinking.

This rather crude saying is loaded with truth because we all know how most people start behaving when that part of their body is gorged with blood. They forget that the object of their desire is their best friends’ wife or the age mate of their mother. The brain literally stops functioning momentarily and all reasoning flies out of the window. That’s where Kenyan voters are right now.

As you read this my information is that there are major erections in Central province over Uhuru Kenyatta. The same is happening in Nyanza over one Raila Odinga.

The behavior of Kenyan voters is also akin to the man who goes out for a drink in a bar full of prostitutes with too much make up. One blacker-than-the-darkest-night woman chooses to use scarlet red lipstick and looks like something out of a Hollywood horror movie. As the man sips his first beer he can hardly look at the ugly things. A few drinks later the very same ladies start looking very attractive, even sexy. By the time the man’s watch says it is 2 am all the women and especially the dark-black-complexion-in-red-lipstick woman look like angels.

When the man wakes up the next morning he finds that he had unprotected sex with somebody he cannot even look at without rushing to the bathroom to throw up.

In Kenya it is now 2 am. People who are known to be crooks have suddenly evolved into viable and even attractive presidential candidates. 3 months after the election it will be the next morning and we will find that we have elected the usual suspects to take us through another 5 years of hell on earth. The difference between Kenyan voters and the man who woke up next to the horror-movie-woman is that he will quickly leave the hotel room. We Kenyan voters will have to remain in that hotel room throwing up regularly in the toilet for 5 long years. Just think about that.

I am well aware of the fact that what I am doing here is akin to playing a guitar for a goat. Nobody wants to listen when there is all the excitement about the upcoming elections.

Yesterday I had a long conversation with a close friend and she told me that in 2007 she voted Kenneth Matiba and so when Kenyans were complaining about the very leaders they elected she had a clear conscience and could live with her decisions.

The truth is that I have no idea how most Kenyans live with their election decisions. Why should anybody elect any of the leading contenders for the presidency and then complain about corruption. How???

How do you keep a venomous snake in your house and then complain that it bit your children? Does that make any sense? Somebody please help me understand.

We are now at the eleventh hour and unless some miracle happens and somebody worthy stands for the president I am not voting for any presidential candidate and my ballot paper will remain blank in that particular category. That is the only way I can look at myself in the mirror for the next five years and continue to write posts here with a clear conscience.


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