President Kenyatta II Takes Office, Starts Work

See also; Uhuru's cabinet
 

Uhuru Muigai Kenyatta has been sworn in as Kenya's 4th President. Boy, what a journey and odessey for Jomo Junior it has been for the last 10 years.

Pity to those who were waiting for sound bites full of heat but bereft of any trace of light. Kids are already rubbing their hands in glee waiting for Samsung laptops as promised by Jubilee. Add that to free Nyayo milk from Brookside and you have a healthy nation.

Instead of parables, Kenyans are better advised to pray for the poor opinion poll president who must be on a suicide watch.

Uhuru finds himself in very good company. Both his mentor ex-President Moi and his predecessor Kibaki could not hide their joy. Clad in smart dark suit with a fitting RED tie, Uhuru politically arrived after his grueling battles with numerous obstacles.

Forget the political tantrum by his opponents who chose to fly to South African to demand refund from their witchdoctors, Uhuru delivered his inaugural speech with authority that made Jomo Senior proud from yonder. A true four-in-one presidency.

Uthamaki niwacoka

The script was so crisp so much so that even Museveni talking on behalf of other guests took a swipe at ICC while congratulating Kenya for showing imperialists the middle finger. What a fitting putdown from an hitherto West's blue eyed-boy.

Sat in the VIP dias coyly listening to the new sheriff in town were the those NOISY envoys who had threatened fire and brimstone. Well, Kenyans call their bluff with a choice and pleasant consequences.

Uhuru has already ordered the KES 6B ear-marked for runoff to be disbused to Youth and Women enterprise funds. If that is not Kusema na Kutenda then what is.

And who said a Kikuyu cannot succeed another as president. The lethal Uhuruto combination has ensured real power is retained strictly between the two tribes with ruling experience.

You cannot afford nor risk experimenting with Kenya leadership. And this time unlike 2002, the transition was flawless and could as well been done in mother tongue. Mtado.

Peculiar Kenyans to Blame for Hague Debacle

Thank God the winds are fully blowing out of the sails of the ICC process. Hague prosecutor Ocampo's clearance visa must now be downgraded to tourist entry level only. Kenyans of untrained legal minds thought this was an open and shut case. But the splitting political headaches are just beginning in trying to divorce the sterile ICC process from becoming a debacle of ethnicised brinkmanship by adult babies in political clothing

Justice Kriegler must be laughing bitterly at the irony of forewarning us the dangers of plastering septic sores by shipping 6 hallowed names to the Hague without treating the infection of responsibility for mismanaged elections. Kenyans have only themselves to blame for allowing one of the darkest moments of our nation's history to be portrayed as nothing more than a thinly veiled political witch hunt.

Smart wikileaks founder Julian Assange made his name from our peculiarity by correctly sensing our penchant for talking out of both sides of our mouth when he boasted of changing the outcome of our elections. Why not when neither the opposition nor the ruling party planned to conceed defeat yet falsely cried for peace while simultaneously planning civil service line ups and plotting to discredit one another's reputation in the eyes of international community as revealed by diplomatic cables!Talk about mass action premeditated on the go

Even here on this blog after all this time simply asking who won in 2007 elections leads to bloggers belabored breathing while foaming at the mouth typing hyperresponsive remarks in the comments section. How much more then Waki and KNHCR,full of Kenyans with peculiar habits, who succeded in putting together a collection of uninvestigated disproven accusations which do not meet the threshold of ICC's crimes against humanity?

This does not mean they were insincere, however Waki and KNHCR reports are akin to chinese whispers where errors typically accumulate in what the last person repeats as the original whispered sentence. It only takes one person to repeat a lie twice and it sounds like the truth to those who hear it.

Our beleagured politcal class are swearing under their breath wondering do Kenyans really know what they really want out of life-if its impossible to know who won or stole, and the violence was never about elections but about injustices that have been meted against people in this country why are we unfairly targeting Waki's 6 as if they landed from Mars yet we are a sample of what they are?

All Waki and KNHCR succeded in putting together were simply a collection of accussations. Why jeopardise the implementation of a new constitution by robbing us of potential governors and presidential/vice presidential tag teams when they know who their real enemy is? In any case at one point or another local based envoys, the President and the prime minister himself have changed their position several times on this matter at one time preferring the local tribunal and now in semi-favour of the Hague.Without proving, investigating and substantiating the accusations of those reports Moreno Ocampo is better advised to confirm whether he has any real witnesses before announcing his hitlist

Poor KACC No.2 Resigns, Next Head Please!

The resignation of Dr. Smokin Wanjala as KACC’s deputy director in charge of preventive services shows he is a political feather weight. Dr. Wanjala can choose to wax spiritual in defending his dignity but his gimmicks only succeeds in soothing his academic ego. The real target of MPs remain the dragon slayer Ringera who is staying PUT.

Wanjala must have lived in outer space and he just landed into alien Kenyan political landscape. You see on these shores of the planet we give conscience abundant leave and public pressure and opinion a wide berth. The Anglo Leasing stakes are too high to prod Shakespeare Ringera into even contemplating resignation.

Some dockets in the present regime are TOO SENSITIVE and IMPORTANT to be entrusted to aliens. A look at treasury, CBK and internal security will disabuse doubting Thomases of any trace of pretense otherwise.

Dr. Wanjala's resignation will definitely NOT rattle the ruling reptiles. Surely dinosaurs never learn. All the old gimmick of scheming for 2012 using state power will come tumbling down like dominoes. We are in the 21st Century and the village brilliance of yore will bring the same bloodshed just like insensitive electoral theft of 2007.

Denial must be a fortress for its faithful residence. As Chris posted earlier, the BATTLE ROYALE of 2012 will make the 2007 preface fade into irrelevance. Ringera is going nowhere, MTA DO?

Ringera: Kibaki, VP Right, MPs Disrespectful

The loudmouthed MPs must have chewed more than they can swallow. After disrespecting the President and subjecting him to ridicule on Ringera, the MPs are now destined to meet they collective Waterloo.

Speaker Marende has opened a Pandora box and all the demons are fighting to snuff life out of Kenya. As the VP succinctly put it, Marende is not only watering the seeds of constitutional impasse but he is shamelessly undermining the president who remains the singular head of state and government.

No more parliamentary dictatorship. Uhuru’s REALPOLITIK will carry the day. The ungrateful nominated MP Amina Abdalla who chairs Parliament’s Delegated Legislation Committee will be taught the lesson to never bite the political hands feeding her.

The last laugh is surely the longest and sweetest. Kibaki has been there and seen it all. Ringera is going nowhere and the voluble MPs are better advised to prepare their stomachs for constipation from humble pie. Kenya has its owners and the MPs must not pretend otherwise.

Road to 2012 and Politics of 20 Provinces

ICC's Moreno Ocampo and his sidekick Kofi Annan can generate all the heat they want but Kenya must continue with CONSTITUTIONAL governance. We have no leadership vacuum and to suggest otherwise is treasonable.

Kibaki has embarked on his constitutional duty to REDRAW Kenya’s map and redefine our politics forever. And the nosy airheads must keep off such weighty matters of governance. Kibaki’s acts are unparalleled. You cannot effectively administer close to 40m people from 8 dispersed centres.

Kibaki is shaping Kenya for the 21st Century. Forget about Michuki taking Moi to court for creating more districts. That was the right thing at the wrong time by the wrong person. In less than 3 years, we now have 254 districts, far more than 210 constituencies. And why not have more DCs than MPs if you want to police people?

The Ministry of internal security is integral to the success of any political schemes. Just add that to the now fully-fledged paramilitary force Administration Police complete with helicopters, marine boats and high tech firepower and you get what you want by FIAT. 2012 is well taken care of in advance. No more 2007, dare you?

Even grade three tots will tell you something about bringing services closer to the people. Government policy can only be effectively delivered by the right personnel who enjoy undivided loyalty from their boss. The new faces of governors tells it all.

Kibaki’s curving out of 20 near ethnically and politically homogeneous provinces is an acto of political genius. He may be OLD, but HE the President if sharp and living ahead of his time. He has once again proved that our tattered constitution can be mutilated some more to good effect.

You only need to look closely at the sub provinces curved out of Rift Valley, Western and Nyanza to see the President’s master stroke. All the other divisions were only meant to create façade of justification. The Ligale-led boundary commission can have their ritual and purchase the new cars but Kenya is miles ahead with Kibaki in the driver’s seat.

Majimbo by fiat
The bungled 2007 elections changed Kenya forever. What is more, Kibaki took note and has promptly acted on that very voting pattern. Political homogeneity can only mean peace. The more districts than constituencies is sign of things to come.

By creating the unofficial 20 provinces, Kibaki has killed all the political birds in the forest with a single stone. What a marvelous way to launch a lasting legacy? New constitution kitu gani? Districts don't count for presidency, provinces do. The so-called Bomas draft can be CLEVERLY implemented differently to serve specif purpose, MTA DO?

All right thinking and patriotic Kenyans must rally behind Kibaki to unite Kenya. He has deftly obliterated the primitive politics of tribal warlords. A nationalist won’t find it difficult winning 5 provinces as stipulated by the law to become the president.

The new 20 provinces spell anew dawn for Kenyan politics. I pity those who are worried of a fractious Kenya. You haven’t seen the last thread of an infinitely divided country, thanks to Kibaki. NA BADO.

Buying 2012 Elections in Advance

Tanzania’s Last and Longest Laugh Over Kenya

Tanzania’s President Jakaya Kiwete met President Obama last Thursday. Their discussion focused on East Africa’s regional security and anti-terrorism.

So we still brag being the biggest and most developed economy in Eastern Africa? Well, that brinkmanship and bravado will soon be so hollow just as our penchant to brand primitive wealth accumulation as industry.

Look no further than Tanzania. We may be more English than them but not when it comes to values. And the world has taken notice. Forget about the balderdash of going east.

President Kikwete may have relinquished AU's chairmanship to one Leader Gaddafi in January. But he remains the new regional anchorman and he has earned his mantle. You remember Bush sent him with NO-BUSINESS-AS-USUAL and the scoundrels were left with no choice but to listen.

Wetangula must demand apology from Kikwete after the Tanzanian President discussed Kenya with Obama. For the records, Kikwete has held regional brief for Kenya more than twice in less than four years.

The global village knows our deceptive ways inside out. No amount of proxy diplomacy by Kalonzo will wash. Waxing plastically patriotic cannot fool the world about our national vices. Instead we only fool ourselves by seeking Kikwete’s indulgence just as Kalonzo did early last year when embers of the inferno were sky high.

Bastardizing democracy
Obama’s choice of Ghana as his first African destination is neither accident nor coincidence. True he may trace his roots here in Kenya, but Obama is too smart to fall for our gimmicks lest he leaves our borders reeking DECEIT by association with our plethora of vices.

It is cheap escapism to mount Mutua-like defence that we don’t need nods from outsiders. We are best known for living serial lies and in study fortress of denial.
As Dagi Kimani aptly puts it the greatest and most costly lie to yourself is the belief that your ethnic community is more hardworking and more honest than the others. If that were so, how come you as person and your community chopping heads for money?

Make no mistake, Kenya’s present gatekeepers won’t barge in their stranglehold to keep Kenyans hostage. Even the murderous social upheavals like Mungiki will not make them reflect on their selfish schemes to bleed Kenya till her last drop.

Meanwhile the hitherto derided neighbour next door is laughing all the way to the bank as the world seeks her hand in efforts to mend broken Kenya. And before we know it we will be eating from the hands all the LESS-SOPHISTICATED Tanzanians thanks to our national twin vices of DECEPTION and FRAUD.

The ultimate prize of bastardizing a people’s democracy is incalculable.

Uhuru: It Wasn't Me, Blame the Computers

Kenyans are so fast at pointing fingers even at SAINTS. Now all and sundry are baying for Jomo Junior’s blood for a mistake the PRINCE didn’t make. What is more, Uhuru has equivocally clarified that the SMALL discrepancy of KES 9.2 BILLION was a computer error. What other further proof do Kenyans want from an INDUSTRIOUS and hard working politician.

For the records Uhuru is not naive to burn his fingers by engaging in silly/petty thefts. Son of Ngina was born and destined for bigger things and marauding Kenyans must give him a break. He tops the 2012 presidential wish list and that makes him a magnet of barbs in all shapes and form.

Finance Ministry is not meant for minions and unlike other dockets must be tightly guarded. UK has apologized and we must take him for his word. If anything a billion is just but some nine zeroes and such grandiose errors in 200 columns is human. We must trust Muigai with the hard task of formulating national budget next month.

But PRINCE UK is smart enough to know when to face camera and without blinking declare IT WASN’T ME. Well, Shaggy the singer had no clue when he belted that number. The DPM smells political heat miles away and with Marende breathing fire through parliamentary committee attack dogs UK knows nobody ever constipated from and overdose of humble pie.

Executive ministry
But the whole saga leaves national bitter taste. Are all the MPs so busy they blindly pass such a colossal amount of tax payers money without scrutiny? The joke is on us people as Kenya’s gatekeepers re-enforce the grills with every trick available to them.

If only computers could talk then we would know for sure how easily we are fooled as a nation. The truth is you don’t inaugurate yourself at midnight and sleep pretty without going overdrive to accomplish the Grand Mission of auctioning even the unborn Kenyan. We haven’t seen anything yet.

Situations Vacant: State House Controller, Finance Minister

Kenya has been running without a substantive minister for Finance for close to half a year. And why the hurry if the right DNA is in short supply among the present lot of parliamentarians. Amos Kimunya must be rubbing his hands in glee after refusing to die rather than resign.

There are government ministries and then there are REAL MINISTRIES. Finance ministry is the nerve centre of all transactions, legal and otherwise. Only a naive president would entrust such an important office to a holder with the wrong genes in his veins. Gate keepers of Kenyan Limited must be INDUSTRIOUS Kenyans capable of transacting REAL BUSINESS in first language.

Forget all the facade of trying to legislate against tribalism and cronyism. Only in Kenya are laws made exclusively to message egos with the principal intention to break them with all attendant impunity. We do not have our national butt kissing the bottom of the pit because of lack of good ideas and laws.

Transactions at the finance ministry were at the heart of last year’s election fraud. Some of the most lucrative businesses it handled during the 9th parliamentary session could not be forfeited on the strength of mere ballot papers. You don’t risk the wrath of the international community by acting as an arms conduit for Southern Sudan only to surrender the proceeds to less enterprising Kenyans armed with ballot mandate.

Realistic Kenyans better learn to live with the painful fact that the Finance ministry will remain vacant till Kenyans until we become immune to reigning impunity and accept the truth that the country has its owners. The passengers aboard the geographical entity called Kenya must are better advised to remain loyal to the principal shareholders. And lest you forget no life is sacred in this industrious pursuit of wealth.

Right DNA
If you doubt the temerity of these owners to auction Kenya, then just ask one Hyslop Ipu. The poor guy has corrupted DNA and consequently no clout neither does he belong. He provided the razor that shaved his predecessor oblivious of the fact that his own schedule with the TRIBAL barbers was booked long time ago.

Kenya is not an evil political society for lack of scheming tribal clerics. Instead the entrepreneuring men and women of the cloth populate every sector of our national fabric so much so that they suffocate us with cheap sectarian evangelism.

So here we go folks. Take an honet self-assessment, APPROPRIATELY translate your CV if you belong with the right DNA and RIGHTLY submit your application for any of the two positions above. My lady luck smile to the lucky applicants.