Thursday, May 12, 2005

The Funniest Kamba Jokes (si kwa ubaya lakini)

What are Kenyans currently sharing in their email boxes?

 Some (allegedly) Kamba jokes
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The writer of this blog is strongly against tribalism but his father
Click image for more info
happens to be from Machakos. The nice Kenyan who forwarded these sick jokes to my email must have forgotten that my mother hails from the late Wamalwa Kijana’s place.

 I reprint the jokes here to prove how "sick" they are…

 My Ngoondness - this is too funny Njust Lelax...

 A Kamba is buying a TV.

 "Do you have color TVs?" "Sure."

 "Give me a green one, please."

A Kamba calls KQ
"How long does it take to fly to Machakos?"

 "Just a second," says the rep.

 "Thank you", says the Kamba and cuts the line.

 A Kamba proposes to a woman.
She says, "Yes, if you'll bring me a pair of crocodile
boots."

 He sets off to Maasai Mara and disappears.

 Finally a search team finds him hunting a huge
crocodile.

 He walks over to the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims,
"The 70th damn croc and this bugger is also barefeet!"

 A Kamba goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos."
The Kamba then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold
things cold."
The Kamba says, "I'll take one!"
The next day, he walks into the office with his new
thermos.
His boss asks, "Wow, you have a Thermos! What do you?
have in it?"
The Kamba replies, "Two cups of coffee and a Coke."


A Kamba went to the appliance store sale and found a
bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the
salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell it to Kambas," he replied.
The Kamba hurried home removed his beard and changed
his hair style, then came back and again told the
salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Kambas," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he still can recognize me," he thought.
He went for a complete disguises this time, haircut
and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then
waited a few days before he again approached the
salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Kambas," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a
Kamba?"
"Because that's a microwave," the salesman replied.


Why did 18 Kambas go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

 The doctor told the Kamba to run eight kilometers a
day for 300 days to LOSE WEIGHT..
After 300 days, the Kamba called the doctor to report
he had lost the weight, but he had a problem:
"I'm 2400 kms away from home."
A Kamba's two sons Kilonzo and Muoki are waiting at
the train station for a train to Machakos.
A train comes and as the other passengers are
boarding, Kilonzo asks the clerk:
"Can I take this train to Machakos?"
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Then Can I?"Asks Muoki.

 Having lost his donkey a Kamba, got down to his knees
and started thanking God.
A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing;
why are you thanking God?"
The Kamba replied "I am thanking him for that I wasn't
riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have
been missing too."

 A Kamba got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth
certificate
Mother: Kenyan.
Father: Kenyan.
Kid: Chinese.
"How come you wrote "Chinese" when both parents are
Kenyan? "asks the registrar. The Kamba says, "Ahhh...
I read in the newspaper, that every 4th person born on
Earth now is a Chinese."

A Kamba, Muoki, and a friend, Pakoris, went to South
B. They managed to get into a double-decker bus.
Pakoris somehow managed to find a seat downstairs, but
unfortunately Muoki got pushed to the top. After a
while, when the rush was over, Pakoris went upstairs
to see his friend Muoki. He met Muoki in a bad
condition clutching the seats in front with both hands
and saying his prayers, scared to death.
He asks,"Oi Mkamba! What the heck's goin'on? Why are
you so scared?...
I was really enjoying my ride down there?"
Muoki mumbles, "Yeah, but you've got a driver."

 A Kamba, with two red ears, went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and
he answered,
"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but
instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked
up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But. what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."

 A Hawaiian and a Kamba from Kenya were asked to form a
sentence with the words: Green, Pink and Yellow.
The Hawaiian wrote:
Every morning I put on my Pink shirt, light up my
Green cigarette and look at the Yellow sun.
The Kamba wrote:
Every time I hear the phone ring, "Green! Green!", I
pink it up and say," Yellow!"
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I dug this out of the Kumekucha archives

How could she…?? That girl was yours, or so you thought. How could she fall for a player and a man who is NOT nice to women like that guy I can't stand?? What happened?
Read why every woman deep inside HATES nice guys
---

Judy (not her real name) is still serving time but is optimistic that one day she will be free. Her son who saved her life is now about 7 years old.
(From Kumekucha archives. First published WEDNESDAY, APRIL 2, 2008. This story-part of it- hit newspaper headlines in Kenya that year.)  Forward this true story and share widely if you have a sister, daughter or some woman you care about who may fall in love tomorrow and throw caution to the wind with dire consequences.
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