What A Country

Labor Minister stoned by workers on labor day. Great. Wanainchi are becoming bold. Haki Yetu!!

Kibaki disrespected by mere Speaker of the house. Imagine showing such 'disrespect' to Moi. Folks, mambo inabadilika.

Fidel Odinga selling maize in Southern Sudan. Need more Range Rover SUVs?

'The Hague' murders fifteen mungiki adherents within a few weeks.

Mungiki murders thirty hapless villagers within half an hour. The police commissioner still has a job.

Mungiki leader released then rearrested. No comment.

Women Groups say No Sex for seven days to urge reforms. I support this but how do we enforce it?

Migingo Islands. No Uganda flag. More Ugandan soldiers. No Kenyan administrator in sight. Even Moi is incensed about this one.

Weekly Cabinet meetings. What weekly cabinet meetings?

Nairobi City. Ranked the 43rd worst city to live in for expatriate businessmen. I say for everybody.

Swine flu. What's the fuss?


Folks, even with all these, the Kenyan Passport is still number one in the black market.

Alert: 'Plot 10' Has Been Cancelled!!

This may come as a surprise to those who grew up in leafy suburbs or sprawling red roofed estates. You see, deep in the low class Eastland residential areas, there was once a fantastic living arrangement that could be best described as 'maisha ya ploti'. For those unfamiliar with the term 'plot' in the ghetto context, it is a small residential 'complex' complete with mostly ten or less small roomed apartments (really studios) sharing a common bathroom, usually with one mabati gate. Those still feigning ignorance can at least remember the KBC program 'Plot 10'. That's what I'm talking about. Here folks recognized neighbors as 'majirani'.

While the living in 'Plot 10' was mostly squalor and lacked any form of privacy, it had very many positives. For one, it allowed the peaceful co-existence of people from all Kenyan cultures bound together by the need for affordable housing and a specter of security. At the height of this residential phenomena, one plot would house families from the Kikuyu, Luo, Luhya, Somali, Swahili, Kisii, Kalenjin etc. It is the interesting cross-cultural social interactions that led to the development of comedies like 'Plot 10', Vitimbi etc. Those were the times when majirani would huddle around the only black and white TV in the plot and laugh with each other at the generalization of cultural characters and traits. These 'plots' produced the most tribe-less Kenyans on earth.

Today, Mzee Ojwang's copyrighted squeal, yaani 'Mama Kayai, fwanya haraka aaiiiiiiiiii!!!'…. could be considered a war cry in some 'plots'.

Folks, welcome to the New Kenya. A sincere assessment confirms that strict tribal enclaves are mushrooming all over Nairobi today. The search for peace of mind requires that you be very aware of where you rent or buy any type of property....based on nothing but your tribe or ethnicity. You need not waste your time or risk your security by putting in your rental application in areas where your ethnicity is not considered favorable. Slums like Kibera, Mathare etc already have clearly demarcated boundaries; you cross, you die. The same divisions are slowly creeping into middleclass areas like Umoja and Buruburu. Before too long, primary schools within these areas will have no choice but to follow suit. What type of patriotic Kenyans will we produce from the upcoming one-tribe primary school in the middle of Nairobi? Can you imagine the fiasco that will be the inter-school games/debate etc?

Ok, for those still thinking that this is primarily a low class tenancy issue, how many successful Luos/Kalenjins are confidently moving into the affluent Runda Estate? Does the decision to instead move to Langata or elsewhere have anything to do with the fact that Runda is pretty much in the Kikuyu Kiambu district?

What about the Ogiek like me? Should I therefore live on top of KICC because no Nairobi estate recognizes my existence?

Hii mambo gani bwana?

Happy Monday

You folks should stop making me laugh. If Ruto and UK were to form an alliance for the next general elections, it would mean that Ruto will actually have to pretend to run for the presidency….if only to remove the benefit of the Kalenjin vote from the ODM axis. The two, Ruto and UK, will never be on the same ticket….too much blood and animosity after the PEV. The leaders may forge unity but the masses will not…..especially if they are still in IDP camps. In fact, the plan is and will always be to have Kalonzo run as president and Uhuru as PM. Ruto will be awarded VP and it will be touted as a peaceful attempt to bring Kenyans together. Everybody in Kenyan knows that UK, after Kibaki, cannot entertain dreams of a presidency via the next general election. The anti-kikuyu sentiments still exist and will definitely become more prominent as the elections near. That’s the sad reality of our tribal politics. It follows therefore that Ruto must be convinced to either run himself or back somebody outside of the Raila/ODM axis. That is the only way Kalonzo stands a chance.

Now, the way things are going, it is seemingly unclear whether Raila will run. We must however not forget that this man is a genius in euphoric politics. He has two choices if he expects to run successfully. One is to make sure Ruto does not wonder too far from ODM. The other is to burst Ruto’s bubble and propagate an alternative Kalenjin chief. The fact is that Raila goes nowhere without the Kalenjin vote and he knows it. He’s safe in the other regions. All he has to do is get into the campaign mode. Some are already saying he’s getting into that mode albeit very cautiously. He has already started distancing himself from Kibaki and the coalition government.

You see, even today, when people complain that the coalition is failing, they are really talking about Kibaki. The constant mention and blame of the ‘two principals’ is loosing flavor. It is essentially just diplomatic speech. The real animosity is still towards Kibaki, a man many perceive as having brought us to this failed state. His defunct leadership is clear to all Kenyans, be they Kikuyu, Luo or Taita. It will be very easy for Raila to de-link himself from Kibaki and indeed the failures of the coalition. That is why it does not help UK and Kalonzo when folk like Michuki go around proclaiming that Kibaki is the paramount chief…even if he really is.

Between now and the next election, Raila must persist in highlighting his difficulties within the coalition in regards to failed expectations. Kenyans are bright but not that bright. Already you’ve seen newspaper articles blaming the diminishing of Raila’s star to the ‘unfair’ arrangement of the coalition. Some have gone as far as calling him a toothless bulldog. What they are in fact saying is that Raila holds the interest of the masses in his heart but is being frustrated by Muthaura and others in PNU. This is a freebie for ODM and they will never let you forget it. They will continue complaining about the unfair balance of power while knowing too well that PNU will never budge. The idea is not and will never be getting more positions. Rather, it is to keep that ‘unfairness factor’ in the public domain for as long as humanly possible. People like to vote for those they ‘agree’ with especially if they think they are being treated unfairly.

For those of you wondering why it has taken over a year for ODM to start the talk of unfairness, well, the 2007 campaign bills must be paid and there’s only one way to do so in Kenya. This applies to both PNU and ODM. Believe me folks; none of these fellows are queuing at Equity Bank for loans to pay for 2007 campaign posters and billboards.

So there you have it. Of course these prophecies are bound to change should one of the sitting ducks be taken out of commission before reaching the pond.

In Case We Go To The Hague

Winners:

Kenyan Tax Payers: In these tough economic times, we should be happy that our tax shillings will not be used in the formation of a kangaroo court.

Kamiti Residents: The way I see it, all prisoners in Kenya must ask their respective wardens to open the prison gates and set them free. After all, the judicial system that locked them up has lost all confidence. The journey to The Hague vindicates all of those who’ve been in front of a Kenyan judge.

Raila Odinga: In about two weeks, we shall start hearing some fantastic stories about how Raila really and truly never wanted a local tribunal…even though he voted for it. Come campaign time, the people’s president will take credit for sending chaps to The Hague. His vote as recorded in the gazette will be seen as a tactful political chess move to hoodwink some people who we really don’t know yet.

Mwai Kibaki: Now that this thing is pretty much over, my friend can go back to State House and rest. The trips to Parliament Buildings were not only cumbersome but also very tiring. Rather than listen to hecklers saying ‘no’ to his face, he would rather sit in his backyard listening to birds chirp and feeding bananas to the monkeys of Arboretum.

Ruto and Uhuru: Wacheni kupapatika wasee. Fifteen years is a long time to prepare a defense…. and even if they lost the case, current ICC prisoners eat eggs and sausages for breakfast. As we speak, there are some Rwandese prisoners in Tanzania playing badminton in the lush ICC prison yard. Life as an ICC prisoner is not too shabby.

Phillip Waki: For the first time in Kenya’s history, a commission’s report may mean justice. Praise be to Waki…even though his list left out a huge number of suspicious tax payer fattened MPs.

IDPs: It’s going to take a while but justice will come…someday. Just the sight of Kenyan suspects shivering behind the bullet proof glass should provide some solace.

Kalonzo Musyoka: He’s probably the only person in Kenya who can claim he did not cast a stone…so if he goes to The Hague, it will be as a witness or a tourist. That alone should allow him some kind of relevance in future.

Major Ali: Much as he’s willing to divulge all the details of the much publicized police killings, the man simply does not have a case to answer.

The United States Of Gaddafi

why the King of Kings must lay off the pipe
I think it’s about time we ban the reading of fairy tale story books in Africa. These books are becoming problematic. Do you know why all women dream of a white wedding, the type with flowing white wedding gowns and horse driven chariots? The answer is simple; they read ‘Cinderella’ as little girls. They spend years yearning the kiss from prince charming because of ‘Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs’. I’m yet to figure out what type of books Colonel Muammar Gaddafi read in his early years in Libya but clearly his dream of a United States of Africa must emanate from a spectacular fairy tale.

The ‘King of Kings’ is apparently disappointed by the reception of his vision by African presidents at the AU meeting. I hear he was banging his head on the table in defeat. Now, I’m neither a medical doctor nor a psychiatrist but I advice him to continue banging his head until he wakes up from that nightmare. Who really wants to share a country with the Santomeans? No offense to the proud people of São Tomé and Príncipe.

Well, I must admit that the grandeur of the concept is indeed intoxicating. A unifying currency may encourage African business; but how do you incorporate the Zimbabwean dollar? An African military force may mean peace; but what of Kony and his friends in the thickets of Uganda? An African passport, now that’s a great idea; but how do we trust Nigerians with that document? One president; if its Kibaki, will the rest of Africa stand the rants and antics of the first lady of Africa? And how do we move on if Raila is not appointed prime minister of Africa? Now, outside of being tourist attractions, what do the bush men of the Kalahari bring to the table? And what if Kivuitu chairs the Election Commission of Africa? Ultimately, the biggest obstacle will be determining where to locate the African Central Bank; that alone will ignite warfare across the continent.

I’m not sure what the King of Kings expected from a room full of Musevenis and Mugabes but his passionate call for unity appears genuine even though the fine print in his plan makes him the first president of Africa. Remember this chap is president for life in Libya. How exactly will he enhance democracy? Didn’t he get into power via a coup? And how about his hobby of shooting airplanes from the skies of Scotland? Look, I know people reform but honestly do we want a one-time-terrorist as the African president? Gaddafi may be a man of refurbished character but he must forget ruling Africa from Tripoli. Extending Libyan tentacles (Laico Grand Regency) all over Africa is not enough.

This is what I say. A unified Africa is a great idea touted by the wrong person and at the wrong time. If Gaddafi really sees a possibility here, he should invest his money in unifying communities within each country first. He must come to Kenya to preach unity between the Luo and Kikuyu. He must then visit Sudan and scold his fellow Arabs for shabbily treating the black Dafuris.

Charity begins at home.

Open Letter To Kofi Annan

Hi Kofi,

First of all, I would like to ask for your forgiveness. I think we Kenyans have mastered the art of disturbing you in your retirement slumber much too often. But kindly sir, please realize that the following weeks are crucial to our survival as a nation of integrity; however little of which we have left. You see, we have reached the crossroads my friend. Turning left will lead us to an inconsequential special tribunal. Turning right takes us to the continuation of dilapidating impunity meted upon us by our politicians. We cannot dare turn backwards because that’s the path to sure hell. It’s clear our only redeemable option is moving forward i.e. directly to The Hague….at breakneck speed.

Now, your travels are vast and your life experiences supersede many, however, I’m sorry to say, you haven’t seen nothing yet until you have traded your space with a local mwanaichi. Only then will you understand what it means to get it in the place where the sun don’t shine. You see my friend, we are being held in bondage by a cadre of politicians armed with the power to raid our tax payer funded exchequer for the sole purpose of their own self preservation. The plight of the common man has never featured in the political agendas of these mosquitoes masquerading as MPs. I tell you buddy, if all our politicians died today and went to their designated chambers in hell, Lucifer himself will be filing for bankruptcy within a few days. Indeed, there will be an economic crisis in the underworld.

Kofi, Kenyans are tired and possibly defeated. We are immensely convinced that the vector towards Kenya’s prosperity is not pointing at Parliament Buildings; especially if it continues to house MPs who are magnificently deficient in everything that makes a good human being…..let alone the radiance of decency, integrity and legitimacy emanating from State House.

But let me update you on what they are trying to force feed us this time around. Let me give you a synopsis of the beast. Have you ever seen a congregation of drunken hyenas marching towards the lions den? Well my friend, that spectacle begins with the proposed special tribunal to try post-election violence suspects. Unfortunately for Kenyans, the lions in this case, are perpetually sky high on marijuana. Yes Kofi, it will be an all night political dance. The whole exercise is an opportunity to reward their friends with plum contracts as they boogey away the blood of the innocent lives lost in consequence of our embarrassing elections. It will be a pompous fraternity party holding court at the executive boardroom of the Laico Regency Hotel. While we have not been invited, we have seen this dance before. As we speak, there’s a stranger in the cabinet.

But you Kofi, yes you, can help us…. unless of course the Waki envelope contained a thick wad of notes of varied denominations. I think you understand where I’m going with this. Although you may have had a few hiccups here and there in your public service career, we know you as a man of impeccable propriety and decorum. It is in that consideration that we ask you to take the next available flight to the Netherlands. Please do this in solidarity with the people of Kenya.

Now we know too well that your delivery of that envelope to The Hague will not solve all our problems; but it will be the beginning to the end of impunity. After all, we are dealing with a flock of scavenging vultures who will continue stealing and causing mayhem even with a noose around their necks. Talk about the condemned to die stealing the hangman's rope. I’m sure they have sent emissaries to beg for extensions; but we ask that you refuse to listen. They will ask you what the point is in airing Kenya’s dirty linen in public for the world to see. To that I ask, what do you do when your little son messes the bed linens? Must you not put them out to dry? In Kenya, we have been housed in a dingy hut with no windows…and a lot of dirty linen. It is time for fresh air.

Kenya’s destiny must no longer be charted by a class of conmen with the least regard of our wellbeing.

Please pass my regards to your family.

Frustrated Kenyans.

So You Think You Are A Failure?

Before his election to the presidency at age 51, Abraham Lincoln had eight times lost lower office elections. He was miraculously elected to the Illinois State Legislature at age 25 but was out of a job within a year. In fact his only other notable political success came at the age of 37 when he won a congressional seat by a razor thin margin. That was characteristically followed by a resounding defeat at his reelection two years later. You see, this man was not only a bona fide political failure but also a businessman of magnificent losses. To fortify his miserable credentials, the chap became a card carrying permanent resident of a mental hospital at the age of 27; this after suffering a nervous breakdown following the untimely demise of his sweetheart.

So what does Lincoln do with his shabby life? Well, after special prayers, the man wins the presidency and introduces measures that result in the abolition of slavery. He then successfully leads his country through the American civil war only to be shot dead at the end of it. Damn! Talk about courage, persistence and perseverance….and a potent dose of bad luck.

Well, that looser is apparently not done. Coincidentally, at the 200th anniversary celebration of his birthday, an African American of Kenyan decent will be inaugurated as the 44th president of the United States.

One thing we could do here today is compare Abraham Lincoln to the fat leeches taking a series of short naps inside Parliament Buildings….but that will quickly degenerate into a heaven versus hell argument. You see, the last parliament can only be remembered in terms of a fruit basket; bananas and oranges. There’s nothing to suggest that the current one will achieve anything outside of keeping its members from The Hague. In fact, its sole preoccupation is self-preservation at the expense of the tax payer. As we speak, Moses Wetangula, our comedic foreign affairs minister, is excitedly planning a multi-million shillings ministerial excursion to Washington DC. All this money is being spent so that a bunch of sweaty MPs can stand under a tree to view Obama’s inauguration proceedings from about one or two kilometers away. This is not a simple case of misplaced priorities or misguided outbursts. It is in fact, an affront to wanainchi.

The problem is that we have allowed our leaders to disenfranchise us to the point where we see Kenyan pride in terms of Tusker beer, success in long distance athletics and tribal dominance. Our uncanny ability to survive adversity is seen as a badge of honor….when in real sense, honor is totally avoiding adversity. There exists no powerful affinity to ensure the country’s destiny or identity because it truly does not exist. In other words, we have lost all hope.

How else do you explain our lethargy in confronting the excesses of politicians in power?

This is where we can learn from Lincoln. We should never give up hope. So far, doing so has resulted in a docile Kenyan citizenry accepting of all manner of abuses. If we accept to remain roadside spectators watching hummers and helicopters crisscross the air space, we shall all perish. Let us get involved from all levels. Courage fellas, courage.

The only thing we must not do is wait 200 years.

I Had Matumbo For Christmas

Yes folks, and it wasn’t the sizzling gourmet style delicacy you will find at the fabulous Inter-Continental Hotel. In all honesty, it was the regular boiled stuff with minimal onions, a few leaves of dania (cilantro) and a small tea spoon of tomato juice to excite the stew. The anxiously awaited one course meal was complete with my favorite ugali made of the cheaper wanainchi grade flour and a glass of rain water. Water conservation is not just for the rich.

Because it was Christmas, I decided to use my prized utensils. I took out my mabati iron plate and my plastic cup. The plate was special because it was made in China and had this irresistible orange and green floral print on it. It intricately imitated the queen’s china. Today I will be feasting in the presence of majestic flowers. The cup was nothing special; only that I use it to display my affluence when visitors come knocking. The empty half kilogram Blue Band tin is all I need on typical days. I told you I’m environmentally conscious…. so I re-cycle.

Well, the time came to consume my Christmas feast. First, I took off my shirt and loosened my belt. I then closed my door from inside, served my plate and sat down on my three legged stool; ready to reward my stomach and intestines for being patient. I said grace and wished Jesus a happy birthday. My fingers dove into the hot ugali and began the exercise of molding an ugali-spoon. I dipped the ‘spoon’ into my matumbo stew and scooped up what looked like a book or blanket. ‘This was going to be the greatest Christmas ever’, I remember thinking as my ‘spoon’ elevated towards my salivating mouth. The tip of my tongue barely tasted the hot matumbo stew when…. Hodi! Hodi Jirani! Jirani Yupo!!

My first reaction was of course to do a quick mental calculus equation on how I’m going to divide my low grade ugali. I could not pretend I was not home because the matumbo aroma could be smelt about a mile away…. and the flies were as usual fighting each other to come through my one glass window. The evidence of a succulent feast within the walls of my shack was very incriminating. The knocks became louder every five or so seconds. Mwenye nyumba yupo!!

So I put on my shirt and, like Pink Panther, tip-toed in slow motion towards the window by the door. I really had to see the cause of this Christmas day commotion. I had sworn to have the ‘door knocker’ wait for about ten minutes before I acknowledged. I had suffered and gone through great pains to make this feast happen. If someone wanted a share, they too had to suffer. If I peep through the window, the guy on the other side would see my head protruding and would even knock louder. Instead, I chose to peep through the keyhole. What I saw sent a cold chill through my spine.

I tell you folks, on the other side of the keyhole was a shiny belt buckle, proudly inscribed: Utumishi Kwa Wote.

By this time, my knees were giving way and I was no longer sweating. Fellas, Christmas was clearly over.

To cut a long story short, I had to open the door and let the cops have a field day surveying the interior of my shack. I was at pains to explain why I was eating Christmas alone. After terrorizing me in the usual Kenyan way and making sure I had no ‘money safe’ behind a hidden wall, they asked me to reveal where I bought the matumbo. Lying with no reason, I answered back, “Kichwa Tembo Butchery of Fine Meats”. I did not want to reveal the true source of the matumbo…yaani, that I had helped my boss massacre a goat…the tripe was my reward.

In short order, the policemen, in emergency tactics, put on plastic gloves and masks and confiscated my matumbo, together with the floral plate. Bwana! they even took the remaining stuff in the sufuria. Then their leader beckons me aside to tell me that I should feel very happy because the government had saved my life. Apparently, ‘Kichwa Tembo Butchery of Fine Meats’ has been unscrupulously selling donkey matumbo to the unsuspecting public.

So there you have it; the heading of this story is not entirely true either. I almost had matumbo for Christmas.

Kenya Imposes Strict Sanctions Against Somalia’s President....lol!!

Bwa ha ha ha ha! Bwa ha ha ha ha!

Yes folks, this Wetangula man is in fact a comedian. He has slapped President Abdullahi Yusuf with a travel ban..lol. Progress is seeing Kenya actualize the credibility to issue sanctions. Well, henceforth, the president of Somalia is barred from crossing the Kenyan border. But that’s not all folks; included in the adverse action is an order to freeze the presidents’ assets in Kenya. I imagine that would include bank accounts and real estate. Meanwhile, an internationally sort Rwandese fugitive is investing heavily in Kenya’s real estate and industry, operating several fat bank accounts and living nondescriptly in expensively furnished cellars of ambassadorial mansions ‘under construction’.

So what did Mr. President do to deserve such shabby treatment from a government that respects the AU charter on the sovereignty of countries such as Zimbabwe? He fired his non-performing Prime Minister and replaced him with his ally. More like a hybrid cabinet reshuffle…affecting one person. The kind of thing Moi used to do by the roadside while munching on roast maize and sweet bananas.

Of course no Kenyan wants to see Somalia disintegrate further. Its proximity alone should be reason enough for worry. But even with that said, don’t you find it a tad strange that our government continues to offer the African explanation when taken to task on Zimbabwe. Zimbabwe might not be an officially recognized war zone but the suffering of its people is incredible.

Responsible governments must join the International Community in pressurizing Mugabe to step down. As they do so, they must also ask the AU to close shop.

RIP: James Ndimu Kamangu

The talented expert cobbler in whose briefcase of royal character lay the master plan of the Men’s Liberation Movement.

Only a man of unbridled courage and strong conviction can attempt to fill the large shoes you leave behind.

May your soul rest in perpetual peace.

Was Kibaki Paid A Kickback By Southern Sudan?

In as much as the UN is the reigning international authority on world peace, I do not agree with its arms embargo on Southern Sudan. Having been murdered and enslaved by the Khartoum government, the black brothers of the south must defend themselves somehow. It is for this reason that I support Kibaki’s clandestine support for the South.

Dr. Alfred Mutua is telling us that the tanks were destined for Kenya. Our own DOD, US and other investigative agencies are telling us that the arms were enroute to Southern Sudan. Whom do you believe? ….that’s a rhetorical question.

That said, we have also been told that these shipments of tanks and guns have been going on prior to the elections…..meaning ODM was in the dark.

Given the ingrained culture of obtuse corruption in the pre-election Kibaki administration, is it plausible to suggest that the Southern Sudanese paid Kibaki some kickback cash to allow the transit of weapons?

Could this be the reason why Kibaki insisted on holding on to power no matter what? You see, subverting a UN arms embargo is a case for The Hague….. which could result in lengthy jail terms. Was he afraid that without the power of the presidency, he could be exposed as an arms dealer of some sought?

Circumcision Is Not Altogether A Bad Thing

..the explosive politics of facing the knife

As a matter of fact, while the Luo have never communally embraced this type of surgery, they have never been wholly against it either. In Luo land, circumcision has been a ‘none issue’….. more like whether one wears a pair of black or white pants i.e. personal decision. Unlike the case in other communities, this practice has never been associated with bravery, social status or rite of passage. The cut will not erode or enhance the Luo culture. It is of no cultural consequence.

In allowing the individual man to determine the personality of his ‘member’, the Luo community has been at the forefront of liberty.

So that is how life at the lakeside has been until a group of HIV researchers showed up with good advice. The rest is history. Luo men are forming long meandering queues in wait of the cut. Were it not for the scourge that is killing Kenyans like flies, Kisumu, in the dead of night, when all the bars and clubs are closed and patrons have gone home, would still be the noisiest city in the country.

So why talk about this painless practice in a political blog? Well, because it is political.

It will not escape the minds of Kenyans that the Luo people have been constantly and publicly degraded, demonized and ridiculed simply because of their reluctance to indulge in genital mutilation. In Kenya, the Luos have been shelved and associated with derogatory terms ever since the birth of the nation. Until Raila won the 2007 election, a section of Kenyans had been thoroughly convinced and indoctrinated to believe that an uncircumcised Gentile must never rule. It follows that many Luo men were rounded up by Mungiki surgeons and forcibly circumcised by use of blant pangas in Kibera.

Folks, such has been the hate of the ‘man with the foreskin’. He has been called dirty, coward, kihii, unmanly, childish and in some extreme instances, evil. The ‘man with the foreskin’ has been denied his rightful place at board meetings, staff meetings and other social gatherings where he must not ‘sit in the presence of men’. The fully grown 'man with the foreskin' has been set aside to converse with his 'age mates' at the children’s table.

So here we are today and Luos are getting circumcised from left and right. With this simple voluntary act of health, THE GRANDEUR OF CULTURAL CIRCUMCISION HAS BEEN DYMYSTIFIED. How else will you ridicule and put down the ‘man with the foreskin’ if he no longer has a foreskin? Do you see the social and political implications here? How will you teach your children to pronounce a hateful word that no longer has meaning? And what happens to the ego brought about by undergoing the cut? What happens to the notion that my community is the better because we circumcise our men and women? This is what I’m saying, when you are culturally preprogrammed to put the ‘man with the foreskin’ in the dustbin, do you easily accept him when he cuts it off?

If circumcision liberates the Luo men from the yokes of hate and avails them an opportunity to be seen and accepted as men, does it also institute a powerful object of fear? You are all aware of the ‘white fear’ that denied the black man in America an opportunity to vote and attend desegregated schools. Just like the Luo, the black men in America have been called monkeys, black devils and consequently hang on trees until dead….simply because of the color of their skin. In Kenya, male high school students 'with the foreskin’ have been beaten to death. They are not allowed to shower in the same bathroom with the circumcised…instead they have to take a bath alongside the schools' fence….in full view of the fellow students in the neighboring girls high school…..after all they are all ‘women’.

Well, as we have seen so far, both the Luo in Kenya and in the USA have and will successfully win the presidential elections respectively.

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Kibaki: The Man Who Will Steal Your Wallet…Then Help You Look For It.

Anyone surprised at the muses of Kriegler must be an alien visiting Kenya from planet Pluto on a tourist visa and for the very first time. To display overwhelming astonishment at his commissions’ report is in itself not Kenyan. I thought we had all known and accepted that Kriegler was here to simply play his role as pacifier. Sasa nini?

Was it not obvious that after such a mischievous election, the entire nation needed time to cool down tempers? As with Kenyan tradition, enter Kriegler and his commission of respectable professionals turned investigators. And I must say they have done a wonderful job. Kenyans are largely back to business, Lucy is out of hiding, children are back to school, Dagoretii slaughter houses have reopened……even his Excellency Kibaki is meeting Condoleezza Rice in a NY hotel bedroom. Life is back to normal and we should all be happy and move on with the current GNU…so say’s Raila.

The way I see it, anyone castigating Kriegler for leaving out some obvious truths does not appreciate the responsibility on the shoulders of truth. In fact, it could be that they cannot handle the truth…..and I’m not talking about the consequent anxiety that would accompany the truth. Other than earning a fat paycheck and sipping afternoon tea in a cramped musty room for the better part of 2008, Kriegler’s job was to make sure that he drafts a report that ensures the continuity of the prevailing peace. While disappointing to some, the media reports on the report suggest that the commission has succeeded in doing just that.

So let us not ask for the truth. It is not forthcoming. In fact, it has reached my ear that the Right Honorable Prime Minister Raila Odinga was on the ready to dismiss, reject and disassociate himself from any commission findings that would have suggested that he indeed won the election by garnering 70% of the vote.