In Case We Go To The Hague

Winners:

Kenyan Tax Payers: In these tough economic times, we should be happy that our tax shillings will not be used in the formation of a kangaroo court.

Kamiti Residents: The way I see it, all prisoners in Kenya must ask their respective wardens to open the prison gates and set them free. After all, the judicial system that locked them up has lost all confidence. The journey to The Hague vindicates all of those who’ve been in front of a Kenyan judge.

Raila Odinga: In about two weeks, we shall start hearing some fantastic stories about how Raila really and truly never wanted a local tribunal…even though he voted for it. Come campaign time, the people’s president will take credit for sending chaps to The Hague. His vote as recorded in the gazette will be seen as a tactful political chess move to hoodwink some people who we really don’t know yet.

Mwai Kibaki: Now that this thing is pretty much over, my friend can go back to State House and rest. The trips to Parliament Buildings were not only cumbersome but also very tiring. Rather than listen to hecklers saying ‘no’ to his face, he would rather sit in his backyard listening to birds chirp and feeding bananas to the monkeys of Arboretum.

Ruto and Uhuru: Wacheni kupapatika wasee. Fifteen years is a long time to prepare a defense…. and even if they lost the case, current ICC prisoners eat eggs and sausages for breakfast. As we speak, there are some Rwandese prisoners in Tanzania playing badminton in the lush ICC prison yard. Life as an ICC prisoner is not too shabby.

Phillip Waki: For the first time in Kenya’s history, a commission’s report may mean justice. Praise be to Waki…even though his list left out a huge number of suspicious tax payer fattened MPs.

IDPs: It’s going to take a while but justice will come…someday. Just the sight of Kenyan suspects shivering behind the bullet proof glass should provide some solace.

Kalonzo Musyoka: He’s probably the only person in Kenya who can claim he did not cast a stone…so if he goes to The Hague, it will be as a witness or a tourist. That alone should allow him some kind of relevance in future.

Major Ali: Much as he’s willing to divulge all the details of the much publicized police killings, the man simply does not have a case to answer.