What Is All This Fuss About The ODM Registration Certificate?

"The Kenyan voter feels used, defiled, taken advantage of, almost like it was rape..."

The ODM Kenya political party is proving to be a strange concoction. I’m not sure if this has to do with the fact that it is made of the strangest of bedfellows. (To give you just one example out of many, William Ruto and Raila Odinga in one political party somehow still does not ring true in my book.)

There is plenty more in ODM Kenya that does not ring true. Like the promise that individual parties will not be dissolved. If they mean that like LDP leading lights had a party to fall back to when the Narc dream died, and so will Kanu die-hards be able to return to their beloved Kanu when something goes wrong with this new alliance (like it always inevitably does) then this is definitely something we do not need a repeat of. Besides when you end up returning to a shell you abandoned at a later date, you have to start rebuilding the party all over again.

Why can’t the parties work separately and then form coalitions when the election results are in, like everybody else does it? The new look coalitions we are inventing in Kenya will never fly, mark my words.

Somebody please explain this to me. How is it possible to belong to two political parties at the same time? What do you represent? What do you stand for other than just wanting power and a high tax-free salary for your own selfish ends? Assuming that you are a liberal from the far-from-Liberal-LDP, what are you when you get into a union with Kanu and other parties to form an Orange Democratic Movement Kenya, party?

It is like a cross breed between a donkey and a zebra mating with a cross breed between a gazelle and a goat. You end up with a big fat, healthy bouncing, zilch. In other words, NOTHING.

Then there is the tribal Narc Kenya that claims they are not tribal. Why then is it that their staunch grassroots support can be traced to certain prominent tribes of Kenya? Why use the name Narc anyway?

Why remind me of the lover who jilted me and let me down so badly? I want to forget him and move on. Oh how he came, tall handsome and powerful, promising to love me and to solve all my problems and make me happy. So ecstatic I was that I drank the filthy water in the Uhuru Park Pond in celebration (remember the man at President Kibaki’s swearing in?) Then no sooner had I accepted and landed in your house as a wife, and no sooner had you emptied yourself into me, then you started behaving strangely. Like you had gotten all that you wanted from me. Like I had served the purpose and was no longer important. Like that was all it was about, sleeping with me. Nay, defiling me, because I now know who you really are.

The Kenyan voter feels used, defiled, taken advantage of, almost like it was rape.

Now why would anybody want to remind me about that idiot I hate so much called Narc?

Then the two jokers take up space in our newspapers squabbling over some registration certificate. Narc Kenya (in other words the ruling party that was never elected into power) falls into the trap of ODM Kenya who want to get some cheap publicity and mileage out of an allegedly delayed registration certificate. Meanwhile some starving jobless Kenyans are wondering when the election campaigns will start so that they can get something to eat.

Why does it take a month to register a political party anyway?

Answer: To gain the necessary approvals and for the security of the President (oops Security of the State) guys to give a report to the President on whether the party’s registration should be approved or not. That’s democracy and competitive politics in Kenya for you. As I’ve always said, things are still being done in much the same way they were done in the 60s by the jokers from that age who are about to hand over a lot of money to the Kenyan public and ask for their vote.

No, actually they are about to pay money to a lover they jilted in 2003 so that they can sleep with them again. All of a sudden you have become desirable once again, oh Kenyan voter. And because this lover called Narc did everything to make sure that you were broke and starving (the only thing they did was send your children to school), chances are that you will accept the money and go meekly into their bedroom.

...oh please!!

I say enough is enough. Wake up! You are not a prostitute! I say take the money (it belongs to you anyway) and stall. Stall for all you are worth. Use the usual tricks. Need some water. A drink to get into the mood. Need to go to the bathroom etc. (you know the drill).

Come D-Day better not vote at all than vote for any of these jokers licking their lips at press conferences expecting a repeat of 2002. Better to put up some dog (any dog will do) for President and let’s take our chances with them. I assure you we will be much better off. Better to be cheated by another this time than by the same person again and again.

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