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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Kaparo Makes A Dash To Be Sworn In As Speaker

Tongue in the cheek special

It is now 6:29 PM and yet the results of the voting for the speaker have yet to be announced. I smell something much smellier than a rat!

Does this state of affairs sound familiar? You bet it does because unconfirmed reports reaching this Kumekucha reporter on the ground at parliament buildings are that arrangements for Kaparo’s swearing have been finalized and he is to be sworn as speaker at 6:33 PM and yet the results have not yet been announced. It is expected that a KBC recording of the National Assembly clerk Samuel Ndindiri announcing Kaparo as the winner will suffice.

Other fairly reliable reports indicate that the votes counted so far are 257 (there are only 207 members in the chamber). Insiders say that there was a voter turn out well above 100% on both sides of the house but say that this is rather usual with Kenyan elections these days, especially since the last general elections of December 2007. Higher voter turn out is usually something left to the courts to sort out as bodies and individuals running elections in Kenya do not have power to deal with such weighty issues.

This reporter was able to get hold of the statement that Ndindiri is expected to read out as he announces the winner of the race for speaker in a few minutes. I hereby reproduce it here;

“In declaring Mr Kaparo the winner of the contest for speaker this evening, let me say that electoral defeat for speaker can be a very painful thing indeed, especially because the speaker is virtually the third most powerful man in the land. And also especially when your backers were prematurely so sure of a win. One does not even know what to tell them. Hon Mr Kenneth Marende we urge you to take this defeat like a man and desist from the ODM habit of being sour losers.

I am ware that the ODM side has raised weighty issues about the way the votes for speaker were tallied and counted including the fact that Mr Kaparo seems to have won with the help of votes that are way above the number of voters in the house. We urge him to seek redress in our courts and hereby direct the courts to dish out justice speedily in this matter.

Once again the power of democracy Kenyan-style has won over the empty domo strategy of ODM.

Congratulations Mr Kaparo and now I urge you to take your seat as speaker and bring some semblance of order into the house especially on the ODM side."


This reporter later spoke to Mr Marende who referred to the election as a farce, unfortunately this was not reported on the TV news because Mr Kaparo’s first action as speaker was to throw all journalists out of the house and ban any media house from broadcasting any news on the controversial elections for Speaker.

I will keep you posted.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dude are you on dial up? Kaparo is not the speaker. "upgrade"!!!!

Anonymous said...

At anon12:15PM, ever heard of satire??? Loosen up. Read the article again, may be, just may be you'll catch on! LMAO!

Francis said...

Chris? Where are you getting all this stuff from? You should tell us what it now means given that ODM HAS PRODUCED BOTH SPEAKERS.

Anonymous said...

LMAO...very funny Chris. Very well written

Anonymous said...

Chris, please - no need to rub it in.

mdawida said...

Chris,

Nice try. Marende is speaker,Imanyara has conceded defeat. Kibaki and Raila have taken the same oath of allegiance, both not mentioning the presidency or the presidency. Thank God, the country will burn a little less tonight. We all hope all arguments will be sorted out in parliament.

Ngeo said...

Hello Kenyans, Once again the power of democracy Kenyan-style has won over the empty domo strategy of ODM.

We will Keep going. One orange at a time, until Kenya is liberated from the evils of the white man and the black man who traded shoes with the white man called kikuyu.

Kenya belongs to kenyans and not an elite tribe.

I believe in people and their potentials not tribes.

Anonymous said...

As Raila would say hata mkia ni nyama, ODMorons can have the speaker, while PNU and co. enjoy the prime cuts ehh akina fillet.

Just to let you know, Marende is our man.

watch this space.

Anonymous said...

Chris....great one. You beat me to the bill.

It is times like these that we need to laugh loudest.

-Andy Capp-

Anonymous said...

God,s hand is at work poel pole ndiyo mwendo and that is the democracy that kenyans showed during elections and were denied.

Kikuyus are thiefs and they will not make kenya look like Zimbabwe within a month. So this is the start of a fruitfull end. Kudos kwa ODM. Shame to PNU and ODM- Kenya

Anonymous said...

anon@7:52PM
I am a Kikuyu and I am not a thief. I do not know which tribe you are from...but if one person who incidentally comes from your tribe errs, I would not blame you.

P.S. Again I am not sure which school you went to, but it is time you asked for a refund: it's thieves, not thiefs!

Anonymous said...

anon@7:52PM
I am a Kikuyu and I am not a thief. I do not know which tribe you are from...but if one person who incidentally comes from your tribe errs, I would not blame you.

P.S. Again I am not sure which school you went to, but it is time you asked for a refund: it's thieves, not thiefs!

Anonymous said...

http://www.radiokatwe.com/news.htm

Kimi Raikkonen said...

anon @ 7.52.

Whatever tribe you come from, i am sure you have a name for a thief. Thievery is therefore not exclusively Kikuyu. Wake up,get cracking or get a job.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha- That's a good one. They are used to theft, bribery and voter turn out above 100%.
Even if Marende is now a national figure- democracy triumped over handouts albeit in a small way!

Anonymous said...

Chris,
Nice piece. But you have all along not done justice to ODMers by inflating their minds with HOW DOM CANT LOOSE, IT HAS OVERWHELMING WIN POSSIBILITY...etc. And like I said the other day, you use words like, "Shoker!", "Chilling evidence", "Over 60 percent overwheling majority win", "Raila won Convincingly with over 60 %" "if there is 100% turn out, Raila will win with a 75% margin!". Then the ingenious one of, "Lucy's slap to the delegate has cost Kibaki One Million votes!" etc. I pity the DOMers who take Chris seriously.

Anonymous said...

KIKUYUS ARE ALL THIEVES AND ROBBERS. THEY CAN DO ANYTHING, THEY CAN STEAL ANYTHING INCLUDING THEIR CERTIFICATES. AND NOW THEIR IS THIS GROUP OF ODM K WHO THINK THEY WILL WIN. POOR KAMBAS WHO KNOW ONLY HOW TO STEAL TYRES, THEY WILL REGRET.
MARENDE WON AND KARUA ALMOST CRIED. SHAME ON THESE THIEVES.

Anonymous said...

Chris please stop rumour mongering, it was clear on TV what was happening....did u see the DOMO DOMOs trying to argue facts about the oath...it was nice seeing them being trounced at their own game...and Orengo swearing in with the oath as is!! Hehehehe govt. has brains..ODMo is brawn!!

Anonymous said...

Sasa wewe anon at 4.36 you missed the point.
All this was a strategy to have Mwizi Kibaki and his 40 thieves wet their pants- and boy did it work!
Martha pleading- oh plz Mr speaker just swear us in pulizz.....
Govt has no brains they rely on Top -up , bribes and theft and it never worked this time round!
We might just name them Parliamentary thugs or Mungiki.

Anonymous said...

I am curious and wondering wh no one has questioned whether Kalonzo is a member of the Labour Party or ODM-k. If you remember his argument was that the latter should remain a coalition with corporate membership. Now his coalition party is in another coalition with PNU. What happened to his running mate has he abandoned her now that she is of no use to him and he can cozy up with Karua? Even if you liked Kalonzo before and perhaps even if you still think of him favourably, can you honestly say the man is someone of integrity? He goes to bed with the same people he was so un-convincingly criticizing, talking about corruption, etc only to join them. Honestly. In regards to Uhuru this guy who was brought into public life from obscurity a national leader? Are people for real this is someone who abdicated his role as official leader of the opposition once he realized he has no national reach, money yes but no national reach. Kanu only has 14 MPs and Odm-k also has only 16 together these two parties only account for a third of the massive party that is ODM. So I ask you poor ignorant souls that see these two fellows as leaders to really examine the above facts and if you don't see that these two are nothing more than opportunistic foot soldiers then you must be either Vikii or mentally impaired!!

Anonymous said...

Annonymous @6.10 they still got sworn in...didnt they!! and thats the point after all their bickering....they still got sworn in! whatever you call it, the govt side had fact not fiction!

Anonymous said...

Anon@ 1:00AM, why come to this blog since it's filled with numerous fallacies??? Why not visit one espouses the virtues of the PNU and its infallible leaders??

Anonymous said...

Anon @6:10 yes they did get sworn in but after they had sweated. Did you see Michuki even with parliament being air conditiones and it was almost midnight....And the dude was sweating profusely for once i thought it was Murungary reincarnate....Did you hear Raila saying yesterday that the play went on just as it was rehearsed...So before you applaud Marende....My guy think

Anonymous said...

Anon @1:33, that was not the script...didnt one of the ODMers say that Marende was not supposed to swear them in?....Think think think!

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