The Price of Cheap, Tribal Political Expediency

As Obama prepares to seal history with his inauguration, Kenyan leaders are left EXPOSED for the lies they excel in selling their people and the world. We have had three presidents whose modus operandi betrays all tenets of objectivity and staying on message leave alone living to actualize the same.

Political expediency and ethnic considerations are singular ingredients defining both past and present regimes. All the accolades we throw Obama’s are typical of Kenyans’ fraudulent ways to gain acceptance and be associated with ideas they never intend to practice.

Obama’s campaign was premised on hope and all his actions so far remain true to those ideals. Mouthing platitudes in one gift we have a plenty these shored of ours. We were the most hopeful country in the world at the beginning of 2003 when Kibaki came firing on all deceptive cylinders. No sooner had ecstatic Kenyans shouted FLEECING than the true gate keepers re-invented their DNA and emerged with the hose pipes to extinguish our national dream.

The present corruption CRAZE is all traceable to that empty drive to fight the vice. In five years, the fruit of corruption has proved not only sumptuous but also irresistibly. The mad race to auction any remaining valuable within Kenyan borders must be completed within the next 48 months.

The moral high ground to fight corruption was lost ages ago when Anglo Leasing became the defining scandal. Add to acute lack of leadership from top understand why every minister is using tried and tested Asians connections to raid their dockets for any valuables.

The present spate of mega corruptions fall perfectly well in Kenya’s rotten template where acrid smell of grand fraud brewed in the seclusion of boardrooms hit our noses just after elections. The present OFFICIAL ROBBERS had the right signal when the king of impunity chose to stick to his smelly confidants after cosmetic laundering and predictable clearance by other equally gullible arms of State.

Conning God
The message was clear: CORRUPTION PAYS HANDSOMELY for the industrious Kenyan. The risk is no more than contempt for those with unfortunate DNA and the shame to distract entrepreneurs.

What do you make of a President shamelessly cheapens such basic laws as mandatory retirement age for civil servants. Security in numbers (hata wewe) remains the cheap mental justification for all these scandal as ministers outdo each other in their schemes to milk cow Kenya.

We can fool ourselves all the mush we want but nobody outside our borders will buy our crap. Our deceptive gimmick to declare Obama holiday has been exposed for what it was. All we have to show for it is the loud embarrassment gracing the faces of pretenders. It amounts to dancing yourself lame to a broken record before the real melody begins.

As creative apologists to the present regime shamelessly spread the embarrassment along, the gate keepers are busy taking over Kenya. In the meantime the national hemorrhage continues as tribal leaders open the big national veins in search of gems. It is all about character, stupid.

Only in Kenya can you find leaders scandalizing God by extending the high school salvation gimmicks to the national arena. Soon God may as well call their bluff. No amount of pretense in re-inventing the wheel will wash any of our deceptive traits.

Will The Grand Coalition Government Collapse In This Unthinkable Way?

Most political analysts are in firm agreement that the days of our grand coalition government are numbered. But a commentator in this blog asked a question yesterday; how exactly will this undesirable animal be put to sleep? In this post we will look at a crazy scenario that is being floated based on unfolding insider information.

Before I do so let me bring something of great interest (albeit boring to most) to your attention. This past week I have talked to a considerable number of people doing business in Kenya. Ranging from the big boys with factories in industrial area and executive offices in leafy suburbs like Westlands to small time entrepreneurs surviving on a hand to mouth basis. All of them told me the same thing. That the politics in Kenya has already started affecting business. Investors are very worried and are holding off and postponing the release of funds for various expansion programmes already approved. Many firms are still cutting down dramatically on their staff seeking to be lean and mean in preparation for the hard times that everybody is anticipating. The net result is that many businesses are having a hard time just now. One executive told me that already many businesses are going through serious cash flow problems. Of great concern to the business community is the future of the grand coalition government and the feeding frenzy (scandals popping up all over the place faster than hot popcorns) going on in the bloated government at the moment.

Now before you start getting discouraged and thinking of shelving your plans for this new year or even relocating away from Kenya, let me make a simple statement of fact. America created the highest number of self-made millionaires in history NOT during boom times but during the great depression. Trouble also means huge opportunities for the brave and those who can dare think out of the box. Enough on business, lets plunge back into siasa.

Something really fascinating happened this past week. Legislator Johnstone “I will pay taxes on my MPs allowances” Muthama called a press conference and proceeded to accuse Prime Minister Raila Odinga of grand corruption that has led to the current Maize crisis in the country. Obviously Muthama was a messenger who was sent by somebody to deliver a message that seems to be part of a certain strategy. One man who was backing Muthama in the background was of course Vice President Kalonzo Musyoka who is desperately trying to re-position himself ahead of 2012. So bad are things for the VP that he is not even thinking of the presidency currently all he wants desperately for now is to remain relevant in the very fluid political goings-on within PNU over the Kibaki succession.

Insiders have suggested something pretty crazy and you will need to sit down to absorb this. Muthama’s move against the PM with the backing of Kalonzo and the President’s political strategists is part of a wider scheme by PNU to bring down the grand coalition government by withdrawing from the arrangement on the grounds that their ODM partner is way too corrupt. Now everybody has been talking about ODM walking out of the coalition so this one caught me completely by surprise. But my immediate question is what would PNU have to gain from walking away?

For starters regular readers of this blog already know that new alliances are rapidly being crafted (mostly at night) and the whole idea is to get the Kalenjin community out of ODM. Former president Moi has been burning the midnight oil on this one (instead of enjoying his retirement and twilight years) and it seems that there is now finally some light at the end of tunnel for the old tired man who used to be called the professor of politics. Although there is no way he can take credit for the breakthrough. Actually all credit must be claimed but that fearsome animal called The Hague. Everybody knows that William Ruto is on the Waki list and naturally the man will do anything to avoid dire consequences for his alleged role in the post election troubles. Impeccable sources have told this blogger that Ruto is talking to Emilio Stanley, Uhuru Kenyatta and Kiraitu Murungi about a new grand alliance between the Mount Kenya axis and the Kalenjin, isolating the Prime Minister and the Luo community.

So now you have the picture. PNU withdraw out of the coalition citing the excessive corruption within it’s ODM partner. When the dust settles a new coalition government is formed that does not include ODM. That seems to be roughly the plan on the drawing boards.

If truth be told a quick count of scandals so far shows that ODM is leading PNU in this area.

Oh boy, what a country!!!

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Predictions About The Web And A Strange Animal Called SEO

Kumekucha Weekend Business Special

The Future of Business Is Online And What You Need Is SEO Training

What the hell is SEO and can some training in it make a huge difference in your online business?

Some folks who read this blog get pretty upset when I venture to predict the future. Some of them go ballistic when I get out of Kenyan politics in my predictions. A case in point is what I said about a man called Barack Obama long before he had even declared his candidature for the presidency of the United States. Am not sure why they get so upset. Could it have something to d with the fact that I am usually so accurate in these predictions?

Still here is an important insight into the future of business which should be of interest to entrepreneurs and even those employed by entrepreneurs.

It is clear that the World Wide Web has already taken over the world. Everything these days is done online. And the fact that mobile phones can now easily access the web has made life very convenient for millions of inhabitants of this planet earth. It is rather obvious that use of the web will continue to grow in leaps and bounds.

What all this means is that there are also numerous opportunities for businesses to use the web to reach and serve their customers. The only problem is that with billions of websites out there how does somebody find your website? This is where search engine optimization (SEO) comes in. It is simply the art of optimizing a web site for search engines so that those looking for the services that you offer are able to find your site easily and the information they are looking for as well as the products and services.

Amazingly in the year 2005 as many as 65 million souls were using the Google search engine daily to search for information, products and services. Just imagine what the number might be now? In 3 years when usage of the web has just exploded?

And don’t forget that anybody who uses a search engine to look for a product or service is usually looking to buy right away. This is why SEO is so important in this day and age. The truth is that it has become so important that nobody with an online presence can dare afford to ignore it.

My advice is that you need to just go out there and find a way to learn as much as you can about it. One leading world SEO expert who happens to be a Kenyan (and is a consultant to this blog) told me his interesting story where he learnt SEO very reluctantly in 2005 believing that he was being bothered by his clients who insisted that the only way they would keep on channeling their business in his direction was if he learnt it and learnt it well. Naturally today he is delighted at what happened then.

My two cents is that anybody who makes the effort now will never regret it. And by the way SEO training can be very simple and does not need to be as complicated as it may sound at first.

How Long Will The Coalition Government Last?

I have this famous friend whom I have been very lucky with when it comes to predictions on Kenya.

He usually calls me and asks me a specific question, seeking my views and gut feeling. And oh boy have I been lucky with him or what? Everything I have ever told him has worked out exactly as I have said it would. He must think I have some magical powers or something.

Despite his amazing track record, Kumekucha has denied that he is a soothsayer

A few examples.

About two days before the general elections in Dec 27th 2007, he called to tell me he was a little confused. Some quarters were telling him it was going to be a close race for the presidency whilst others were telling him it would be landslide for the ODM presidential candidate.

I told him; It is definitely not a close race. ODM have it by what looks like a landslide. My only worry is that I doubt if President Kibaki and PNU are going to concede defeat and hand over power peacefully. You can read my post on the eve of the election expressing my worries HERE. I still get goose pimples reading it today when I realize how accurate it was. l

You know what happened.

Then another day he called me and asked me about Safaricom IPO. I told him that I was sure that the shares would dramatically drop in price the minute they started trading on the Nairobi stock exchange. I pointed out what had happened to the Kenya Airways shares over 10 years earlier. This time he doubted. After all Safaricom was an excellent company and he had insider information about what those buying most of the shares were planning to do which would no doubt push prices up.

You know what ended up happening.

So now recently he asked me how long I think the grand coalition government is going to last for. He did mention that most people have predicted that it will NOT last through March this year.

So far I have not replied to that query. But today I felt I have enough information and insight to do so.

I will be surprised if the grand coalition government survives past May this year. They will hang in there beyond March because increasingly Kenyans will realize that both PNU and ODM are both the enemy and the two will increasingly have to stick together to survive. And also because politicians on both sides of the political divide need to build their war chests for the next elections. So they need to continue robbing the country blind for as long as they possibly can. The exposed scandals Kenyans are hearing about are only a tip of the iceberg.

But we shall about May, shall we not?


P.S. Salim Lone told the Daily Nation early last year while still in New York that the exclusive story on kumekucha saying that he had fled Kenya was false. Earlier this month Mr Lone appeared on the popular K24 chat show and talked about the 3 times he had been forced to flee the country. One of those times was the time he denied to Nation that he had fled.

Read the accurate story Lone denied here.

Time and again Kumekucha has been proved extremely accurate in its' stories despite tons of jeering comments that follow some of our big exclusives. Of course all credit goes to our informants who risk everything for love of country, even their lives sometimes. They are the real heroes. I am just but a messenger to be used for a better Kenya.


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State House Site Attacked And Other Tidbits

Husband and wife form committee of themselves to settle their differences

Imagine a man and his wife getting into a serious marriage-threatening disagreement. Apparently the cause of the domestic quarrel is some silly thing the husband keeps on doing while knowing only too well that it really upsets his wife.

Well it is pretty obvious that the way to sort out this problem is for husband and wife to sit down and calmly talk about the situation. Since the problem is serious, they should first decide whether they want to stay in the marriage. If the answer is YES, then they should try and find a solution (just the two of them).

Now just imagine a situation where the man decides to form a committee to look into the issue. And to make things really funny the members of that committee are his wife and himself.

That is exactly what the two principals did yesterday. President Kibaki and Prime Minister Raila Odinga formed a committee to mediate coalition wrangles. And guess who is on that committee? The top pick of the main protagonists on both sides. So what is going on here?

While the Kibaki administration has rapidly became famous for forming commissions of enquiries that are destined to produce reports whose only purpose is to decorate government shelves and cabinets, the composition of this so-called committee leaves Kenyans wondering why the two sides would not just have sat down and talked.

Or is this part of the usual window dressing?

Seriously rather than waste tax payers money by taking up the valuable time of public servants, why not have Raila and Kibaki go to that Sagana State Lodge place over the weekend and have a lengthy chat over what they want to do now with their favourite play thing called Kenya?

State House Site Attacked

Apparently somebody has hacked into the State House website and is using it to distribute malicious software to visitor’s computers.

If you go to Google and search statehousekenya.go.ke, and then click on the top result, you will view a Google warning about the site.

Now this is more than a little ridiculous and raises the million shilling question, how secure are Kenyan government sites, some of which hold extremely sensitive information?

Traffic Policeman Who Are Asking For Too Much And Bushy troubles In Athi River

Our informant was traveling to Nairobi yesterday and when his public transport vehicle neared Athi River, it suddenly diverted away from the road and hurtled deep into the bush a high speed. At first he panicked, thinking that maybe they had been hijacked. However the tout quietly explained that they were avoiding a police check ahead where the traffic policemen had gone bonkers in what they were demanding in bribes. After a while they met quite a number of other public service vehicles following the same bumpy route coming from Nairobi.

But there was something even more interesting our informant observed. Deep in the bush the landscape was littered with dirty plastic paper bags as far as the eye could see into the distance. He wondered where it had all come from and even more worrying was the kind of cost that would be required to carry out a clean up exercise. Looking at all the different colored plastic paper bags, our informant says it was not difficult for him to imagine a country completely buried in the stuff, in say the next 2 years. But who cares???

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Cool pilot lands jet aircraft on river and saves 155 lives

Martha, Admitting Failure Dosen't Help Anything...Stepping Aside Might

Martha says we're losing the war on corruption.

Really?

I have to wonder when she found that out. Is this her way of finally admitting that her office has failed to carry out one of its core duties of fighting corruption? I still recall that sometime last year the good lady from Gachugu called on the necessary authorities to slash the hefty pay the government was paying a man called Ringera to fight corruption. One year later Ringera is still paid the same amount...and this at a time when he has nothing to show for all that burden his salary has dumped on the Kenyan taxpayer. In fact, if a man who is supposed to fight corruption can't have the moral compass to sense that accepting a pay of 2.5 Million is in itself corrupt, then how do we expect him to stop those who share his kind of mentality?

Back to Martha. I was amused when I heard her say that we are losing the war on corruption. No. We are not losing the war. She is losing the war. And Ringera is losing the war. They are the two top officials in government charged with the responsibility to protect the taxpayer from the mammoth appetite of corrupt officials. So when Martha publicly says we have failed, I have to ask her this question: Martha, what do you expect us...the common man...to do?

It is becoming evident that Martha's attention has been diverted from her duties as the Minister for Constitutional Affairs to that of a full time candidate for president of Kenya. But if she can't stem corruption now, as a powerful minister with goodwill among many Kenyans, how will she do it when she is president? And if she can admit failure on the smaller matter of prosecuting obvious criminals, why should the nation thrust upon her bigger responsibilities?

Guys, Kenya stinks right now. A sense of hopelessness is creeping slowly on the people of the good nation. Just when we start complaining about taxes, they hit us with unga. When we complain about unga, they hit you with gas/petrol. We complain about petrol, they hit us with the media bill. And as we start grumbling about the media bill, they unleash the messes at the Kenya Tourism Board and Kenya Pipeline. Isn't this enough to make a man dizzy? And yet it took Martha this long to sense that we are losing this war?

No, Martha, this war is lost!

It would be nice if you can step aside and let a tougher woman/man take the fight to these sleazy thieves.

Can you, Martha?

Standard Bank Ghost Robbery Exposes Police Weakness

Kenya Police take a breather, looking exhausted: Outsmarted and outfoxed all the time by hardened criminals


In the early hours of yesterday morning (Kenyan time) there was a bizarre incident at the Standard Chartered Bank along Moi Avenue where a gang of robbers daringly attempted to execute a bank robbery in one of the most guarded and secure banks in East and Central Africa. (Security insiders will tell you that many of the special security measures at this Standard Chartered bank were put in place after a bank robbery in the 80s—then called the mother of all bank robberies—where thugs got away with a record amount of cash. But that is a story for another day.)

The drama that unfolded at the bank most of yesterday morning must leave Kenyans with many questions as to the ability of our police force to win the war against crime by any other means other than shooting and killing every suspect-mingled with the innocent—in sight (as has been happening for some time now.)

Apparently the robbers’ well executed plan went wrong when an alert cashier (a lady) jumped back from entering a lift that she was being pushed into by the thugs. She raised the alarm and this is what ended up frustrating the would-robbery.

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Police arrived and surrounded the bank waiting for the robbers to come out.

Now this is the point where things started going wrong for the police.

What would you do if you were stuck inside a bank surrounded by policemen with drawn guns on the ready? Take a hostage or two to shield yourself on the way out? Well that one does not work in Kenya because chances are that the police will still open fire killing the hostage and you. Yet this is what the police expected the robbers to do.

Luckily for the thugs, the police made it very easy for them. It was decided to evacuate the building so that the police can storm in and get the thugs. The robbers did not need to be rocket scientists to simply dump their weapons somewhere in the building and come out with the members of staff who were being evacuated and many analysts believe that that is exactly how they got away.

In frustration the police arrested the poor guard at the bank who had been tied up by the thugs claiming that he was an accomplice to an inside job. Nobody asked themselves why he raised the alarm when the bank robbers were still in the building. A police spokesman even said on national TV that the bank robbery was poorly planned. I don’t agree. In fact bags full of money were recovered from the building by police. That just tells you that something so small went wrong otherwise the robbers would have gotten away without firing a single shot.

This incident more than any other brings into sharp focus one of the reasons why the police have such a difficult time dealing with criminals. The truth is that they seem to be out-thought and out-foxed most of the time. Sincerely, just think about it for a moment. How can you match the wits of an Eastlands hardened criminal who has grown up in Nairobi all his life with a policeman who was recruited from El Wak and is in charge of giving orders in situations like that of yesterday?

In the new police force Kenyans should build after the current political dinosaurs go home. This issue should be given much though and under-cover operations should be stepped up dramatically if the war on crime is ever to be won. Police recruitment policies should also be reviewed so that the force can attract the right kind of people who will help them begin to outsmart the increasingly sophisticated 21st century criminal.


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Doing Brisk Business With Carcass Kenya

Kenya’s ruling class is taking our legendary entrepreneurial skills to new levels as the Kenyan population prove to be the handiest goods of trade. You can browse the preface to this FRAUD thriller as the IDPs are turned into a lucrative cash cow by industrious minds.

But the ultimate prize goes to those with unadulterated DNA aboard MV Triton Petroleum Company destined to ECONOMIC NIRVANA. Poor ex KPL and KTB bosses! They were so mesmerized with the amount landing on their laps oblivious of the MEGA deals transacted over their heads. The energy ministry is headed by an experienced hand steeled by the Anglo Leasing fame.

Why chase shadows when the kingpin at the heart of the whole scandal has DNA traceable to State House? Creating smokescreens to buy time and mask challenges are our national pastimes. The Kenyan-like elaborate conspiracy by KPC, Triton and Ministry of Energy top officials makes laughable the so-called plastic search for Triton chief Yagnesh Devani and KPC ex-Operations Manager Peter Mecha.

If you thought the era of genocide in disguise where chalk was shamelessly sold as chlorine belonged to last millennium think again. The kings and princesses of FRAUD have the exclusive access to the national till and they will RAPE cow Kenya till the last drop of blood.

Martha Karua’s noise at the thieves will only leave her face splashed with vomit from the gluttons. Her thin-veiled political tantrums amounts to too little too late efforts redeem her face after being the public and intellectual face of the same scoundrels early last year. The Swahili saying malipo ni hapa hapa has been materialized so speedily.

Kenyans must be the most resilient and tolerant people this side of the planet. How else would you explain being led by a ZOMBIE whose modus operandi is total contempt and sickening insensitivity? Make no mistake. These vultures will circle prey Kenya secure in the knowledge that their educated tribesmen and accomplishes will rush to their defence spewing exotic village vitriol.

Our national mantra must be anchored on the premise that if carpenters live on making coffins why not expand the business to kill the living. Well, the small and average-mined Kenyans can continue complaining about scarce unga, oblivious of the truth that they can as well survive on cake which their political masters stock in plenty for their dogs.

Exotic vitriol
No amount of brinkmanship and grandstanding can purchase moral authority. Everybody is in greedily exploiting any available opportunity/position feathering their nests with the mindset of security in numbers. The boss is nude and will never dare point a finger lest he is paraded in his birthday suit.

The feeling is mutual when a president trivializes national challenges with unforgivable remarks that taunts his voters to fight if they so wish. That version of contempt manifests itself here aplenty when schooled villagers abroad deride other Kenyans' concerns as whining instead of seizing the opportunity to join the looters.

Well, the time of reckoning is nigh and no DNA will be safe from the wrath of marauding Kenyans when the shit hits the fan fuelled by food riots. The upper echelon of the shameless looters may escape but the reprieve will be temporary as proved by Mobutu’s fate. Nothing lasts forever and very soon the scoundrels will dutifully earn their collective wages of national sin against fellow Kenyans.

Most Corrupt VP Ever Wants To Live In State House As Ruto Sells Out

Prof George "coughing VW" Saitoti: This man is very determined to be your next president

It has not surprised political analysts that Internal security minister George Saitoti has finally come out in the open and declared his interest in the presidency.

But what Kenyans need to ask themselves are two simple questions. Who is George Saitoti and can he make a president, let alone lead Kenyans to the promised land we all yearn for?

It is no secret that Saitoti used to drive a beat up VW that would cough uncontrollably at the most inconvenient times on the highways and sometimes traffic policemen would be too surprised to arrest him. His 500 bob cheques would regularly bounce at his bank then, opposite the Hilton Hotel. The mathematics professor was picked up in that state in the 80s and made Finance minister. His climb was meteoric and within no time George Saitoti became an immensely wealthy man. So much so that he is now able to finance a presidential campaign almost effortlessly. So where did his money come from?

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The truth is that if there was a contest to single out the most corrupt Kenyan who has ever been Vice President, then there would be no contest. Saitoti would win hands down. Apart from the Goldenberg saga which the topology professor has tried very hard to distance himself from, Saitoti built a reputation with many would-be foreign investors as the man who used to send an aide to openly ask for cash handouts and bribes. I have two witnesses who have sworn affidavits and have even named the professor's favourite errand boy in this “business.” That is the man who wants to be your president.

The other question one needs to ask themselves is why Moi overlooked him and went for Uhuru Kenyatta instead in 2002. Some people claim that the excessive greed Moi saw in Saitoti would have meant disaster for Kenya. Oh well, that is neither here nor there because Moi himself also proved quite greedy towards the end of his tenure. But shall we say that is what Moi thought of him?

A fascinating aside here is that it seems that the alliances for 2012 (or whenever it is that we will go to the polls) are taking shape in earnest. One of the people Saitoti no doubt inspired in terms of ways of making overnight wealth by stealing public funds, is William Ruto. The Agriculture minister has been having some fascinating night meetings in his constituency in recent times. I am told Ruto had a large meeting in Eldoret over the weekend with all councillors (or strategic ones) in Rift valley including Maasai, Kalenjin, Samburu etc. At the meeting he referred to Raila as 'that bull without a herd.' Apparently the meeting was at Ruto's house. Then they were all given Kshs 5,000 each (impeccable sources tell me). They all stayed the night in hotels in Eldoret, all paid for by their host. Ruto is also said to have told the councillors that Raila was no longer marketable. And that they should make this the year of the IDPs and take all IDPs as their brothers.

So You Think You Are A Failure?

Before his election to the presidency at age 51, Abraham Lincoln had eight times lost lower office elections. He was miraculously elected to the Illinois State Legislature at age 25 but was out of a job within a year. In fact his only other notable political success came at the age of 37 when he won a congressional seat by a razor thin margin. That was characteristically followed by a resounding defeat at his reelection two years later. You see, this man was not only a bona fide political failure but also a businessman of magnificent losses. To fortify his miserable credentials, the chap became a card carrying permanent resident of a mental hospital at the age of 27; this after suffering a nervous breakdown following the untimely demise of his sweetheart.

So what does Lincoln do with his shabby life? Well, after special prayers, the man wins the presidency and introduces measures that result in the abolition of slavery. He then successfully leads his country through the American civil war only to be shot dead at the end of it. Damn! Talk about courage, persistence and perseverance….and a potent dose of bad luck.

Well, that looser is apparently not done. Coincidentally, at the 200th anniversary celebration of his birthday, an African American of Kenyan decent will be inaugurated as the 44th president of the United States.

One thing we could do here today is compare Abraham Lincoln to the fat leeches taking a series of short naps inside Parliament Buildings….but that will quickly degenerate into a heaven versus hell argument. You see, the last parliament can only be remembered in terms of a fruit basket; bananas and oranges. There’s nothing to suggest that the current one will achieve anything outside of keeping its members from The Hague. In fact, its sole preoccupation is self-preservation at the expense of the tax payer. As we speak, Moses Wetangula, our comedic foreign affairs minister, is excitedly planning a multi-million shillings ministerial excursion to Washington DC. All this money is being spent so that a bunch of sweaty MPs can stand under a tree to view Obama’s inauguration proceedings from about one or two kilometers away. This is not a simple case of misplaced priorities or misguided outbursts. It is in fact, an affront to wanainchi.

The problem is that we have allowed our leaders to disenfranchise us to the point where we see Kenyan pride in terms of Tusker beer, success in long distance athletics and tribal dominance. Our uncanny ability to survive adversity is seen as a badge of honor….when in real sense, honor is totally avoiding adversity. There exists no powerful affinity to ensure the country’s destiny or identity because it truly does not exist. In other words, we have lost all hope.

How else do you explain our lethargy in confronting the excesses of politicians in power?

This is where we can learn from Lincoln. We should never give up hope. So far, doing so has resulted in a docile Kenyan citizenry accepting of all manner of abuses. If we accept to remain roadside spectators watching hummers and helicopters crisscross the air space, we shall all perish. Let us get involved from all levels. Courage fellas, courage.

The only thing we must not do is wait 200 years.

My Challenge To The Kenyan Youth...Are We Any Different?

Are we really ready?

For a nation as small as Kenya, I'm stunned by the magnitude of corruption going on. In a span of less than two months, various degrees of corruption have been revealed to the public. But by far the most troubling remain the shenanigans that went down at the Kenya Pipeline and at the Tourism Board. I single out these two because the nation is on track to lose billions of shillings to cartels that have blatantly worked with government officials to line their pockets at the expense of the Kenyan people.

How could thirty five million shillings have been paid to a company that never delivered services? And just how could Permanent Secretary Nyoike have failed to notice that Triton was teetering on the brink of collapse at the time the Ministry of Energy was pumping billions of shilling in awarded tenders to them? Something is gravely wrong in a nation where within such a short time billions of shilling are lost...and apparently without much of a fight from Kenyans.

But if you thought these are bad, consider the growing evidence that the hunger and starvation being experienced by many Kenyans now is actually the work of a cartel within the Ministry of Agriculture. These sleazy folks have consciously decided that the mass starvation of Kenyans does not mean anything to them as long as they make a little money. How can these guys sleep at night? What do they think when they watch the emaciated bodies of little children and the withering breasts of mothers who can't feed those helpless Kenyans? Martha Karua, if you truly know who these folks are, let Kenyans know with you. Then let us collectively ask how such cruel people can remain in office.

Then there are the people we call the police. I have never seen more blatant corruption in my life. These guys have perfected the art of grabbing money from the hand of a tout into theirs in the twinkle of an eye. I've even heard stories of senior officers who have worked a deal with the matatu owners so that for a fee of about one hundred shillings per day, the lucky matatus will never ever be stopped. The troubling thing about this state of affairs is that Kenyans seem perfectly okay with what's going on. Nobody is complaining. Just how did we come to sink so low?

But even in the face of such blistering corruption, I have hope that things will get better. I have seen a lot of Kenyan youths who are eager to take the helm and help steer Kenya toward what her real potential is. Before we stake our claim to leadership, however, we as the youth must answer a fundamental question: Are we any different than the people who have brought Kenya to her knees? What will we do about the police? What will we do about corrupt men like Okungu and Achien'g? Will we be content to just jail them, or will we go a step further and make them return the money stolen from Kenyans? And finally, what will we do about these cartels that are making life a nightmare for Kenyans?

Fellow Kenyan youth, are we any different?

Moving To Higher Grounds

The kind of work needed to turn things around in this beautiful country of ours, is huge and overwhelming when you think about it. But with a group of people with the same believe and mind set who are ready to tirelessly work towards that end, its something that can be done quicker than you think. They say we require just a few good men to turn things around … let always keep that in mind.

With corruption becoming invisible as its been executed and only visible when its already too late … others considering themselves more Kenyan than others … others selling the country bit by bit to outsiders in the name of attracting investors … and with the wolves wearing sheep clothing just to be in the position they hold longer to continue ‘eating’ … etc etc etc its becoming harder and harder to just sit and watch.

We are at a point where we are in deep need of political leaders who will be in politics out of passion to lead Kenya to better grounds. In the last 4 decades we have done nothing but to make everything to be about politics and thus we have to use politics to turn things around.

Many get into politics to get rich quick and others stay in politics to protect what they have collected- by questionable means of coz. Thus one the solution to keep off money hungry individuals out of parliament is to make sure that been an MP is not about getting a fat salary or accumulating wealth. If we reduce their salaries many will not run for office … those who will, will be there coz they care for their fellow Kenyans. That way they will spearhead a process of developing systems that work for us which will eliminate evils like corruption, greed and arrogance in public offices.

This kind of a solution is the easiest and most direct. However putting into consideration that most of the powers to reduce the MPs salary lie with them and they refused their almost 7 figure salaries to be taxed, it sounds impossible. And it takes me back to Moi times when he refused to have multiparty politics introduced … and only bulged after much pressure. Since then it has increasingly become clear that for the demands of Kenyans to be met … it can only be through pressure. Thus we must keep the pressure on at all times (and at the same time making sure they don’t get immune to the pressure). The MPs must be made to reduce their salaries … that will be a big nice step forward. We have to pressurize the MPs till they do what we Kenyans want them to do … we must, at least for now.

Next we need to get those that are ready to take things forward for the sake of the nation ready. 100,000 (and may be less) honest and sober Kenyans is all we need to get things going. Many new faces will join politics 2012 and we have to really look to who they are … and not getting them to parliament then they turn out to be the Ababu’s of this world. They have to be people that we will be able to morally tear down and see no traces of evil (or have proven they are a changed lot) … since becoming a thief does not start overnight.

People we have to start working towards that.

One love one people one Kenya.

Kumekucha Makes History As Hit Counter Zooms Past 2 Million Hits Mark!!!

A few days ago on December 31st I celebrated my birthday and only 2 people remembered one of them giving me a wonderful unforgettable present (although they forgot to sing happy birthday).

Days later today I have something really important to celebrate. And this time I want to celebrate this thing with the multitudes of Kumekucha readers and contributors all over the world.

Some time last night or in the early hours of today the visitor counter on this popular blog broke the 2 million hits barrier. 2 MILLION!!!

I cannot remember the last time I was so excited. Of course I have been expecting it for weeks now, regularly looking at the counter on your left hand side of this page. But now that it has happened I can hardly contain myself.

Why am I so excited? Because it has not been easy. It has taken a combination of many things and many people to make it happen, including world-class search engine optimizers who I am proud to report have Kenyan blood flowing through their veins but can take on any SEO heavyweight from Silicon Valley and still get the better of them.

It has also taken our selfless team of contributors here who have given us some excellent stories, many times breaking news that Kenyans read in the mainstream press many weeks and even months later. Thank you Phil for the best scoops of 2008 (especially in January). But thanks to all the other guys as well.

Special mention goes to regular commentators in this blog. Let me say that I feel very blessed to have what must be the most hilarious blog commentators in the world. Let me let you into a secret. When things get very tough and sad for me, I usually read Kumekucha comments (not posts) and within no time I am laughing until tears are streaming down my eyes. Thank you so much guys for making this place so so so much fun.

Of course the party has only just began and the next phase of this Kumekucha project promises to be the most exciting yet. Together we want to trigger real change in Kenya and do "an Obama" on our very own State House. Together we can.

I have a very big celebration planned for tomorrow to re-charge my batteries. Pity I can't invite you all but wherever you will be, please remember to say a prayer for Kumekucha and all the team of wonderful people who have made this possible.

2 million hits!!!! Wow. Who would have imagined?

SEE the other post made a few moments ago; Kibaki's out of character behaviour is reason to worry. Something is very wrong somewhere.

Kibaki’s Out Of Character Behaviour Is Reason To Worry

Something Is Very Wrong Somewhere

I feel rather generous today and so I will let you into one of the secrets behind Kumekucha’s seemingly uncanny ability to predict stuff long before it happens.

Any analyst worth their salt knows that one of the signs to look out for is when people behave out of character. That should automatically send warning bells ringing loud and clear in your mind.

Let me give you a little story from my personal life to illustrate this. My Dad is not religious but believe me, he is a good man. I have told you before how many times he risked his life to “leave his conscience clear” as he likes to put it. Now if there is one thing the guy hates with a passion, it is being told lies. You can do anything to him but JUST DON’T tell him lies.

I remember one day when I was already an adult I had visited him and he casually asked whether I had checked out his maize in the store. My mind raced and I decided to tell him a “kind lie”.

“YES,” I said brightly. He then asked how high up the maize cobs were. My mind raced again and I told him it was almost at the top. His face twisted with rage and disappointment. He muttered something under his breadth and did not talk for over 15 minutes. He’s my dad and I knew what was wrong. Being an ex-cop (do they ever retire?) he had quickly been able to nail me for telling what may appear to be a harmless lie. To him there is nothing harmless about lies.

If the world ever sees anything good in me, then I can assure you it came from my dad. If we had a few more like him maybe Kenya would not have turned out the way it did.

Now back to my point in telling this story. Imagine if one day somebody told the old man a lie and he just laughed and brushed the whole thing aside? I would be alarmed. When people behave out of character that is the right reaction.

Now something has happened over the last few days that has had me so worried that I have been bothering my informants and contacts terribly looking for more clues and chasing various leads. Don’t worry folks, you will be the first to know when I have something concrete. But for now let me share my train of thought with you.

The President behaved totally out of character when he so suddenly bulked under pressure over the infamous Kenya communications act. Knowing President Kibaki the way my excellent insider contacts have helped me know him, the President does not really care and it usually takes a whole lot to rattle him.

Remember what happened during the post elections violence? The country was burning and moments away from total shut down, and Emilio Stanley just remained cool and refused to budge. It was Raila Odinga and ODM who blinked first and even then the President took that as a show of weakness and moved the goal posts a little. What made him finally change were a combination of many very serious factors including a terse and very threatening message from the Yankies delivered to him By Tanzanian President Jakaya Kiwkete (because Emilio had stopped taking calls from The US). Anyway that is a story for another day.

So what is really bothering me is why the President has so suddenly accepted to go back on his convictions regarding the media bill. My thinking is that the president by virtue of his position has information that most Kenyans do not have and this information is very alarming bordering on catastrophic scenarios facing the good corrupt-filled banana republic we call home.

Could it be the looming famine? By the way the way things look on the ground what is about to happen is unprecedented in these shores. Experts say that one in every 3 Kenyans faces the risk of starvation. That is a huge number folks, no matter what angle you look at it from? Or is Emilio feeling threatened by the policy changes that are about to take place in Washington as the Obama administration takes over? Is he going to be handed over to the Hague while he is still in power? Or does it have something to do with the never-before-seen level of security we see around the president these days? All these are merely my suspicions at the moment and am still pursuing useful leads to give you some concrete story.

Meanwhile those who are wise will join me in worrying why a man so suddenly behaved so much out of character.

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Obama's Inauguration And The Hague-Bound Gentlemen From Kenya

What is unfolding about the upcoming Barack Obama inauguration is fascinating and indeed amusing in many ways.

Initially behind the scenes there was a clear push and pull between the ministry of foreign affairs and the PM's office over who will attend Obama's inauguration. The PM's office had even compiled a rather long list.

Then at some point it dawned on everybody that neither President Kibaki nor Prime Minister Raila Odinga had been invited and neither has anyone in the government.

Softly and quietly the word from the Obama camp was that while Kenyans have trumpeted themselves hoarse over ownership of Obama and moved to rehabilitate his family in record time. Obama is quite clear that he is first an American. And that Kenya will find its place in official US foreign policy. Sorry guys. No special favours.

Government officials have been scratching their heads to see how they can play out this embarrassment. Only 240,000 tickets are available for the presidential inauguration. The majority of them will go to American high flyers especially those who oil the democratic party machinery. Others will go to foreign dignitaries. For example the British premier may get 50 for himself and his delegation. The Queen of England may receive another 10 and so on. It is unclear whether any African head of state has got one. Mandela probably.

It is not lost on America that the two Kenyan gentlemen were behind atrocities that claimed the lives of well over 5000 of kenyans and are still having a possible date with the Hague. Not to mention the Waki probe yet to start and their being in charge of one of the most notoriously corrupt governments in Africa.

There are a limited number of tickets that are for sale. These go for US$ 50,000 a piece. And money is not enough, to get one you must have the right connections.

The Kenyan government are in a dilemma because if the buy, then those who don't get will spill the beans that they wasted taxpayers money to go to an event they were not invited to. Also it would be a major embarrassment to those who have claimed to be a step away from Obama yet now they cannot even go for his inauguration.

Meanwhile the Kogelo clan have been feted at the invitation of the Saudi Royal Family then the King of Jordan and are now on their way to the US where they will attend the inauguration.

Important Notice From Kumekucha: Somebody who is obviously up to no good has been repeatedly posting a comment in this blog claiming to be me an talking about me giving up this blog due to some silly cash reasons. It is not surprising that some people see this site as a threat to their evil ambitions and many of them will go to any length to try and discredit it.

Let me make it clear that this blog for me is NOT about money and I started it with the higher ideal of fighting for genuine change in Kenya. I urge readers to ignore any comments purporting to be me that many any wild claims about me giving up Kumekucha.


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Situations Vacant: State House Controller, Finance Minister

Kenya has been running without a substantive minister for Finance for close to half a year. And why the hurry if the right DNA is in short supply among the present lot of parliamentarians. Amos Kimunya must be rubbing his hands in glee after refusing to die rather than resign.

There are government ministries and then there are REAL MINISTRIES. Finance ministry is the nerve centre of all transactions, legal and otherwise. Only a naive president would entrust such an important office to a holder with the wrong genes in his veins. Gate keepers of Kenyan Limited must be INDUSTRIOUS Kenyans capable of transacting REAL BUSINESS in first language.

Forget all the facade of trying to legislate against tribalism and cronyism. Only in Kenya are laws made exclusively to message egos with the principal intention to break them with all attendant impunity. We do not have our national butt kissing the bottom of the pit because of lack of good ideas and laws.

Transactions at the finance ministry were at the heart of last year’s election fraud. Some of the most lucrative businesses it handled during the 9th parliamentary session could not be forfeited on the strength of mere ballot papers. You don’t risk the wrath of the international community by acting as an arms conduit for Southern Sudan only to surrender the proceeds to less enterprising Kenyans armed with ballot mandate.

Realistic Kenyans better learn to live with the painful fact that the Finance ministry will remain vacant till Kenyans until we become immune to reigning impunity and accept the truth that the country has its owners. The passengers aboard the geographical entity called Kenya must are better advised to remain loyal to the principal shareholders. And lest you forget no life is sacred in this industrious pursuit of wealth.

Right DNA
If you doubt the temerity of these owners to auction Kenya, then just ask one Hyslop Ipu. The poor guy has corrupted DNA and consequently no clout neither does he belong. He provided the razor that shaved his predecessor oblivious of the fact that his own schedule with the TRIBAL barbers was booked long time ago.

Kenya is not an evil political society for lack of scheming tribal clerics. Instead the entrepreneuring men and women of the cloth populate every sector of our national fabric so much so that they suffocate us with cheap sectarian evangelism.

So here we go folks. Take an honet self-assessment, APPROPRIATELY translate your CV if you belong with the right DNA and RIGHTLY submit your application for any of the two positions above. My lady luck smile to the lucky applicants.

Eldoret Dead Bodies Drama: Hilarious But Not Funny

I have been talking about our blundering government a lot in recent times (need I remind you that it is led by our dear beloved blunderer in chief who is commander in chief of all the blunderers and blunders).

If ink was something we used to make posts online, then I would have said the ink had not yet dried on my post when the President made an about turn on the Kenya communications bill he signed only last Friday and ordered the contentious parts to be looked into. managers please help us here with the following question. How much does it cost to make a decision and then make an about turn only a few days later? How much is this little circus costing us as a country?

Anyway the main aim of this post was to attract your attention to another government blunder in Eldoret where the government was caught red-handed trying to secretly bury dead bodies of the post election violence. What is hilarious was the excuse the government pathologist gave to grief-stricken relatives of the dead for his actions. My ribs are still aching in pain since I read this a few hours ago;

But Dr Njue said the measure was temporary, as the bodies would be exhumed once they had been identified and given to their families.

“This is actually not a burial ceremony, but a temporary resting place. The way we are doing it is not like a normal burial ceremony. Even the UN recognizes this as a legitimate way of holding bodies,” he said. Read the full story.

I have said time and again that this government has perfected the art of burying evidence especially in the form of bullet-ridden dead bodies and dead bodies in general. I stand by my figure for the total death toll of the post election troubles (well over 5,000 souls). While agreeing that it is not easy to dispose of thousands of bodies without trace, just remember that we are dealing with experts here and some of the tactics that have been devised include the following;

- Throwing bodies in the vast Nairobi National Park during a drought
- Taking bodies of Mombasa Victims to the Nairobi morgues and Nairobi victims victims to Kisumu.
- Digging mass graves like the one in Eldoret and burying dozens of bodies at a time.
- Other ingenious methods that we will discover with time.

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Medieval Politics: Leaflets and Rent-a-Mouth

That the more things change the more they remain the same wouldn’t have been more apt adage in describing the Government’s desperate move to lift itself out of the deep hole it plunged into. Alfred Mutua has re-invented his Turbo-charged mouth in creative leaflets authored to EDUCATE Kenyans on the merits of media censorship.

True, desperate moments calls for desperate measures. But Mutua and his masters must have been blinded by their cheap optimism that Kenyans will buy their gimmick. Granted, the media is not without blemish but no leader ever successfully fought the fourth estate. Only in Kenya can politicians shamelessly re-invent the non-circular wheel and ride on the falsehood. If anything, the global time–tested and tried practice of media self-regulation militates against speedy economic returns.

We are back to political medieval times. What with rent a mouth youths on the ready to congratulate the king on how immaculately he is dressed in his birthday suit. Now we understand that not only here at Kumekucha do we have easily excitable Kenyans. They are in good company ready with oiled lips and joints to dance themselves lame to old lyrics from a broken record.

There are leaders and spineless politicians. Forget the hollow defence from Kibaki’s apologists that he did what he had to do after the MPs handed him the bill. There is leadership and responsibility and above all else having the hindsight to act in tandem with national mood. A responsible parent will not serve a hungry kid poison to calm him down.

Impunity patented
One Lucy must be still be enjoying her sleep after receiving the sweetest and most priceless New Year present from her sweetheart. Her nocturnal escapade at the newsroom has been taken a notch higher and what is more, it is LEGAL. That is a personal war won at the altar of royal expediency. The media must be ruing their antics to paint ogres in all the rainbow colours.

Signing the Communication Bill amounts to institutionalizing our pricey national vice of IMPUNITY. Kenya has her gate keepers and damn the IDP families who are spoiling the party in demanding decent burial to their loved ones. True entrepreneurship includes doing commerce with corpses. And why not expand the virtue if carpenters can do it honestly at the lower end?

But Kenyans must remain realistic and alive to the truism that no progress can come out a leadership singularly defined by deception. Fraud begets only more fraud and its derivatives. We are back to the starting point and the torturous circular journey continues. We better sample the Arabic wisdom in having smart mouths that never invite stinking flies by knowing when to shut up.

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Media Bill Controversy: Oh Boy, It Was A Blunder After All!

In the days of retired president Daniel arap Moi, every move he made was analyzed and re-analyzed to try and figure out what he was up to. And true enough a few weeks later or even a few months later it suddenly became clear what Moi's game plan was.

It is emerging (and has just dawned on yours truly) that the biggest mistake political analysts in Kenya are making these days, including this blogger is to attempt to analyze the political moves of one Emilio Stanley. How do you analyze blunders?

Take the signing of the recent controversial bill aimed at clipping the wings of the media ahead of the post election violence trials. Why would Alfred Mutua suddenly wake up one morning and start distributing anti-media leaflets on the streets of Nairobi? (Nairobians just glanced at them and threw them down, littering the clean streets of Nairobi.) Is this not a clearly an attempt at damage control after the blunder has already happened?

If truth be told, Emilio Stanley Mwai Kibaki will go down in history as the most blundering president Africa has ever had. Can you think of another one? (Even Idi Amin with his broken English was decisive and made very few mistakes). If you review the Kibaki administration right from the day one, it is a long, boring, repetitive chronicle of political mistakes and blunders.

So what is the big deal? After all human is to err one would say. Sadly it is not as simple as that in this case. The problem we have here is that the Kenyan presidency is so powerful that the consequences of a single blunder can be catastrophic, let alone several in a row. Take the big mistake made to go ahead with the referendum in 2005? That mistake led to the fiasco of December 2007 than left thousands of Kenyans dead (the official figure is still sic hundred and something. Huh!!!) and hundreds of thousands homeless. I have asked several times in this blog what the cost of stealing an election is and nobody has dared to venture to give a figure. Actually it runs into billions and the bills are still piling up even as you read this.

The tragedy of Kenya today is that the country is stuck with a weak, indecisive blundering leader who has got powers in his hands that young King Mswati (of Swaziland) and King Charles (before Cromwell) would envy. The kind of powers that have made his predecessors often confuse themselves with God. Now giving that power to a blundering politicin who has made a career out of NOT making decisions is more than tragic. It is almost like leaving a child with a loaded revolver.

The bottom line, my sources assure me, is that the president did not expect the kind of troubles that he now has in his hands when he signed the Kenya Communications act last Friday afternoon. Just like he did not expect the troubles we saw in January when he made the decision to steal the election.

What will he do next without fully appreciating the consequences?

Kazi iendelee wacha wale wanataka kuropoka waropoke

Could this story about the sacking of journalists over the media bill be true? I was not able to verify from my sources at the time of making this post. But I am still digging around and will get back to you guys.

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Kibaki And Raila: Two Jokers Who Want To Sink The Country Back Into The Abyss

This past weekend has been the most eventful politically for a very long time. In a way we have opened 2009 in much the same way we opened 2008 with a lot of fear and anxiety flying around—amongst those who can read politics pretty fast. Although this time there is no bloodshed (at least not yet).

Those who think that this is just about the Kenya Communications bill signed by the president last Friday need to think again.

Fascinating whispers are emerging and as the saying goes that there is no smoke without fire, Kenyans cannot dare to afford to ignore what is being whispered. There is too much at stake for us to simply sit back and ignore “the rumours.”

Interim Military Government Will Be PNU’s Bargaining Chip - Shocking Whispers From Insiders Claim

Firstly it is emerging that the signing of the said controversial bill, that the media is up in arms against and which has triggered off the heat with the coalition government unity now quivering and threatening to collapse, was timed perfectly. It is no accident that the bill was signed late Friday. Meaning that those holding the carefully choreographed plan in their hands have had time through the weekend to take in all the reactions and intent of all those they are watching carefully who could not take any real action until today (Monday) and were therefore doing a lot of talking instead. ODM have brought forward their crisis meeting over their future in the coalition to today.

Secondly the provocative act of signing the bill has been done at a time when no electoral commission exists. According to the national accord in the event that the coalition collapses it can only be replaced by an interim government pending elections. The fact that we do not have an election body in place and the major players are already squabbling over the composition of an interim one means that no elections can be held in a hurry. Then we have the President’s men who insist in private that the Kenyan constitution is supreme and in the event that the coalition government was to collapse, then the president can re-constitute a new government on his own because he is the “duly elected president.” Let us stop before you start getting dizzy because as a commentator pointed out in the last post, this is a legal minefield where lawyers from both sides can argue until the chickens come home without coming anywhere near a consensus.

In short the intention behind the signing of the media bill was to re-assert the president’s authority as the sole executive power in the land and to bring an end to the coalition government, having carefully laid plans already in place. As you read this reports are filtering in to me that the government is circulating anti-media leaflets on the streets of Nairobi.

Further whispers that may sound far-fetched insist that the PNU side of government will propose the compromise of having a military government as an interim government until elections are to be held. This will be done knowing fully well how Kenyans fear and loath a military administration which the country has managed to avoid thus far, save for the 30 minute administration of air force Senior Private Hezekiah Ochuka on 1st August 1982. The idea is to have Kenyans surrender themselves to the grand PNU plan.

Now the most dangerous thing in all this circus are the two principals. If Kenyans were to be honest with themselves, there is very little difference between the two (Kibaki and Raila) and 2 selfish, spoilt kindergarten kids refusing to give an inch as they punch each others noses bloody in a nursery school yard. None of the two are interested in the greater good of the country because if they were, both would resign and pave way for more neutral Kenyans to take over the reigns of power. As it is Kibaki is determined to rule until 2012 and Raila is determined to be the next president. If Kenyans die as they play their war games who cares?

“Wacha wale wanataka kupigana wapigane.”

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I Announce My Intent To Form An Exploratory Committee

I trust we've all rested and are ready for hard work this new year.

As the year begins, we must all be on notice that there is no time to waste. We must now move with deliberate speed and put in place a formula for measuring our progress on a periodic basis. Obviously many within the Diaspora and within our beloved nation will want to know how we proceed. To this end, I announce today my intent to form an exploratory committee. Like usually happens in the States, this committee, which must start its work on the 10th and report back its findings by January 25th, will be tasked to study the logistical and all other issues we will face in our quest to win Kenya back from the oligarchies and the power cartels that have stagnated the progress and cohesion of our nation.

If anybody still doubted the intransigence of this government, all you have to do is look at the signing of the media bill. I was assured by an authoritative source that it wouldn't be signed. Raila was assured by an even higher authority that it wouldn't be assented to. Kalonzo was given the assurance that it would be returned to Parliamnet for further deliberation. How good is these people's word? Right from Kibaki down to the last scoundrel in his State House, their word is worth crap. In fact, I was so infuriated by the assent that when I was woken up by my frantic wife Hellen about the breaking news in Mombasa, where the President was on vacation, I picked up the phone and called my authoritative source. Can you imagine my disgust when he told me that a KTN programme that catalogued Kibaki's Coup was the reason some strategists around him used to box him into assenting to the bill?

The question now is not what this bill means. The question is what is the intention of the folks who so desperately wanted to see it signed. I must warn that what is going on is the beginning of another round of rigging. The power barons around Kibaki have set in motion an elaborate plan to deny the nation a president the people will have elected in 2012. Under this scenario, what these folks hope to do is rig, then beat and terrorize us into submission, under the guise of state security...which will force the minister in charge of internal security to invoke this very law Kibaki has now signed. The effect will be a total blackout as Kibaki's preferred heir is installed as President of Kenya. By the time the ban is lifted, we will have a new President.

No, folks. We must defeat this plan. The exploratory committee will give us a detailed report on the range of scenarios our opponents might throw at us. I will bring them to you here at Kumekucha, leaving out what will constitute the classified strategic plan.

The folks around President Kibaki have a knack for making Kenya look very bleak indeed. Just when you thought a new year might make things better, that common sense might prevail, they make things even worse. Did they have to coax Kibaki into opening a new year with a big fight? What's his assent to this bill a signal of? Dramatic impunity? And suddenly Raila and the ODM want to fight for the media? These guys should all go to the caves where they belong and let us build a Kenya that will work for all of us, not just for them. By the way, if he was so pissed at Kibaki, why was he in Mombasa eating a pumpkin pie with him? Or was he called to hoodwink Kenyans one more time like he did with unga? This man is reaching a point where he's beginning to look pitiful.

It's a lot I've had to say, but the big deal here is that an exploratory committee is in place in the next few days. We are going to work with speed, but we shall not rush anything. You never beat a dug in power structure like the one we have in Kenya by screaming out your plans.

When they see what we do, they'll know they are finally facing a worthy opponent. A fight they shall have.

Let's get ready!

Why The Media Bill Is The Beginning of The End For Kibaki And Raila

Based on lots of insider information

This is one of the numerous angry sms messages I received from my contacts mad as hell that any sane President of Kenya would sign any legislation similar to the Kenya Communications (Amendment) Act signed last Friday.

The said SMS read;

Greek proverb: When the gods want to destroy you—they first make you mad with power.

I cannot agree more. As you read this Prime Minister Raila Odinga has called a crisis meeting of all ODM legislators to reassess the party’s "standing in Government" this Wednesday.

But rather than join the well orchestrated campaign by the media against this bill (which affects the mainstream media the most) let us try to analyze this whole situation from a neutral point of view.

The main aim of this post is to get inside the thinking of the major players here. In reaching my conclusions I have been greatly assisted by insider information from mostly impeccable sources.

Let us start with a brief history of where this bill came from. The initial idea was born, bred and nurtured right at the heart of State House Nairobi. This is very important to grasp and you will realize why as you read on.

The first time the bill was presented in parliament during the tenure of the 9th parliament it sailed through. The media and other stakeholders appealed to the president not to sign it. The president faced with a general election where things were not going too well (to put it mildly) listened to the voters and refused to sign the said bill. And that would have been the end of it. However something happened in January last year that changed everything. So am I linking post election violence to the decision by the president to sign the bill into law? The answer is YES.

It is rather obvious that one of the reasons why ODM popularity swept across the country in the run up to the general elections of 2007 had a lot to do with the media. While the Kibaki administration has been very careful to ensure that it has a reasonably good control of the media in the country, including influencing the appointments of CEOs to major media houses, the president’s advisors watched in horror as this control was wrested from their hands. I need to explain exactly how that happened in a simple way that non-experts in media and the art of propaganda can understand.

Opinion polls are very powerful and can tilt any election. So when you control those as well as the bulk of newspaper circulation in the run up to a presidential election, you should be okay. And this was the thinking amongst PNU strategists. But of course their undoing is that they are all old school in a world that is changing too rapidly to analyze.

Take the following scenario that I personally witnessed. The newspapers, TV and opinion polls all say that a certain presidential candidate is the most popular in Kisii. A native of the area reading this at first believes it. After all it is printed in the newspapers and so it must be true. But he has a cell phone so he makes a few calls back home and is shocked at the report he receives. It is a total contradiction to what he has read in the media. And so he sends out a few sms messages and when he goes for a drink in the evening he tells his friends what he has observed. Word spreads fast. Meanwhile the newspaper that has been infiltrated and is reporting only what certain powerful people want to see reported starts experiencing problems of dropping circulation. There seems to be a shift to the rival media which also has certain vested interests. Then to make matters worse we have the World Wide Web. For Kenyans in the Diaspora this is their most convenient tool for obtaining news of what is really going on back home. The people who are on the web are very few, but my oh oh my are they influential!!! They call back home frequently and they talk to their people… and they influence them like hell.

Meanwhile something else is happening. Frustrated journalists in the mainstream media who have a conscience are quietly leaking the articles that cannot be published in the mainstream media (because of the said powerful people) on the web. And some sites are really influential and have a very wide and growing audience.

Within a short time things change dramatically. The circulation of a certain newspaper falls like a heavy stone while that of the other rises dramatically. In desperation the editors of the leading newspaper suffering circulation losses start copying the headlines of the rival paper and are amazed at how high their circulation jumps back up when they report favorably on the rival political party their bosses are up against. A clear indicator as to who is more popular on the ground.

Let me stop there and fast forward to the period after the post-election violence. Those in State House realize that control of the media was wrested from their hands and that their rival won because he was able to “manipulate” the media. They swear that that must never happen again. And so the said bill gathering dust in some shelf is retrieved and dusted and re-introduced. You know the rest of the story.

Now there is one more alarming piece of information.

PNU insiders have been talking for months about the breaking up of the coalition government. Contrary to what many Kenyans think, the collapse of the coalition does not alarm PNU insiders. In fact they look forward to it happening. Already the factors that led to the Kalenjin and Luo sticking together during and after the elections have changed. So if the coalition were to collapse today we will not see any bloodshed.

And forget what the act of parliament that made the coalition possible said. The Constitution of Kenya is still supreme and supersedes everything else. So if ODM were to walk out of the coalition next week, the president will simply form a new government (with those who want to play ball) and life will continue. PNU insiders will certainly be more comfortable with that scenario. But I doubt whether ODM will walk out. I think they will just huff and puff and stay exactly where they are. Observant Kenyans know why.

So is the Kenya Communications (Amendment) Act good or bad for the country? It has some really good parts that will promote the rapid growth of the ICT sector. But mostly it is a law that goes against the very basic principals of the constitution that promote free speech and a free media. But who cares? You see there are other factors that have now taken centre stage.

The question Kenyans should be asking is; Can Kibaki and Raila survive this?

My two cents? I don’t think so

Why? I hear you ask.

The reason is simple. Kenyans are very much awake and at the moment they are fed up with the political class (both PNU and ODM) and when you add other factors like the looming serious famine, every time I try to look into the future I shut my eyes tightly in horror.

Enjoy the latest brand new Nairobi Wi Fi Hotel

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Breaking News: Kibaki Signs Controversial Media Bill Into Law

President Mwai Kibaki has just made history a few minutes ago by signing the latest controversial media bill into law. He officially goes into history books as the most hostile president to the media in the history of Kenya and East indeed Africa. During his tenure so far a record number of bills aimed at curtailing media freedom have been introduced in parliament. It was also during Kibaki's first tenure that the Standard raid happened. Not even during the darkest hours of Moism did anything close to that raid (that involved the burning of newspapers) happen.

The signing of the bill into law confirms early reports that this blogger received that the President has in fact all along been the originator and real sponsor of all the media bills and more so this latest one which was also passed by the 9th parliament but as elections were around the corner Kibaki bulked to pressure and refused to sign it. The same bill was re-introduced into the house at record speeds and hurriedly passed just before Christmas last year.

With the president's signature it becomes law.

In effect what has now happened is that it has become much more difficult for any Kenyan to get any information through the media. This is a day for great celebrations amongst the political class and impunity in Kenya has won really big. I will be doing a deeper analysis of the effects of this draconian bill (that would have made even the evil apartheid government of pre-Mandela South Africa blush) later into the weekend.

Remember to say a prayer for Kenya tonight before you sleep.

P.S. Now that it is clear that the main stream press will never publish anything about scandals in a hurry as a result of the new law, let me just reveal the name of the company that was at the centre of the recent artificial fuel shortage in Kenya. It is Oilibya. More information to follow as I verify a few more facts.

Open Letter To Raila Odinga: WHY?

Dear Chris,

I hope you will have the guts to publish my letter. I want to believe that you are still the old fearless Kumekucha who never fears to publish anything even when it paints you in poor light. In case you did not know, that is the one single thing most responsible for making Kumekucha great.

I have watched with growing alarm as my beloved Kumekucha has taken on the task of wanting to bring down Raila Odinga, the next president of Kenya. Why Chris? Who has paid you? Please answer your most loyal old readers and tell us truthfully what is happening here.

Having said that please publish the following open letter to Prime Minister Raila Odinga.


Open Letter To The Prime Minister

Your right honorable Prime Minister Sir,

Please allow me a few minutes to point out a few things that beg for some urgent explanation. I must say that these issues I am about to point out have left you, the true winner of the 2007 presidential polls in a very vulnerable position that makes it very difficult for we your staunch die-hard supporters to explain to your critics. Some people like Kumekucha even seem to have taken advantage of the situation to attack you openly when the blog supported you to the hilt in the run up to the fateful elections in December 2007 and after.

1. This year Jacinta Mwatela, a very brave woman who was the acting governor of the Central Bank was sacked and replaced by an arrogant man who happens to come from the same tribe as the President Kibaki. You Mr. Prime Minister did NOT utter a single word? Does that mean that you supported this sacking? I am sure you realize that those powerful forces who wanted her out, wanted her out for a good reason. And that is to be able to continue “stealing” from the people. You see she blew the whistle about a matter that has now gone very quiet all of a sudden. I note you have been very vocal about the media bill in recent weeks and even about the Waki report earlier where you have disagreed even with members of your own party and I do not doubt your courage. So why were you silent on the Mwatela issue?

2. Rumours are flying around which Chris of Kumekucha can confirm for us if it is true, to the effect that many of your best advisors Mr Prime Minister, those who guided you through that most difficult of times at the beginning of this year, have left you. People like Salim Lone who was feted here in Kumekucha for his “spin expertise” that had PNU reeling. It is whispered that most of these people have fallen out with you because they have become disillusioned when you abandoned the vision and promise you had told Kenyans you would fulfill once you were in power. It is even whispered that the most disgusting thing that happen was when PNU strategists cheated you with the motorcade and Recce GSU unit. They say that you abandoned the porfolio balance demands the minute those guys in suits started running after your car. So was the ODM dream all about a motorcade? Please explain to me your humble loyal supporter because people out here as posing such questions and I am not able to answer.

3. It is said that some of the most sickening corruption crimes have been committed by ODM ministers. Hon Kajwang gave away work permits at the rate hot madazis are distributed in Burma open air market(near the City Stadium). When we all know that Kenyans abroad have to sweat blood and tears to obtain this valuable document in the UK, Europe and other countries, even neighboring Tanzania. Your right honorable, you said nothing and did not even as much as "slap Kajwang in the wrists".

Then the latest and most sickening was when your Hon William Ruto deliberately delayed importing maize so that Kenyans are now dying with hunger. Hon Ruto just saw the profits he would make and did not think much of starving ordinary Kenyans. Sir, still you said nothing. Why? Is this what our ODM dream was all about? For ODMers to get into government and behave exactly the same way as the PANUA mongrels and in some wasy worse?

4. During the recent Jamhuri day celebrations when Kenyans demonstrating on behalf of us all were arrested for merely wearing black T-shirts, you Mr Prime Minister did nothing and said nothing. In fact you were seen at one point having a discussion aside with the Speaker of the National Assembly Kenneth Marende and President Kibaki. What were you discussing? How to continue arresting innocent Kenyans and stop massive revolt against your grand coalition government? Please sir, we your people need answers.

5. Sir, you did a good thing when you promised Kenyans a cheap packet of maize meal Unga to be sold to poorer Kenyans who are the majority. But where is the Unga? Where can it be purchased? Even after the big announcement that the Unga is available, we are still buying this vital commodity at very high prices. Please assist sir.

6. Your excellency, you witnessed the recent ODM elections. Where you even created extra posts (Kanu-style) to ensure that you keep both Ruto and that useless Mudavadi in the party. In your view sir, were these elections really democratic? Is this a glimpse into the kind of "democratic change" you were talking about in the run up to the elections in December 2007 and which a number of Kenyans died for? I will accept to be corrected sir, but please tell me what you personally think.

7. Last but certainly not least, your Excellency the right honorable Prime Minister of Kenya. Your own son Raila Junior was involved in a serious road accident with children of other “big people”. They were all very drunk and racing when the accident occurred. You have said nothing about this irresponsible behaviour and what worries me most is the fact that your children now seem to mingle freely with the children of those who helped steal the election from you last December. In my view there should be a very clear distinction between those people and us, the people who are in bado mapabano mode for Kenya. Does this also mean that your son like the other sons of big people is now above the law?

In conclusion sir, let me make it quite clear that I am still your staunch supporter and will vote for you in 2012 (because there is nobody else, let nobody be cheated). However it is important that you address the issues I have brought up in this open letter to you, before it is too late. Sir, you know how politics changes fast and we do not want ODM to be a skeleton of it’s old self in the next elections.

Your humble die-hard supporter,
ODM Damu.

Guest post by ODM Damu

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