What You Didn’t Know: Virginity Can Easily Be Restored

Kumekucha Weekend Features
For centuries a very important do-or-die part of a wedding was where the man would get a moment in private with his bride and penetrate her for the very first time. This would be done under supervision by elders and close to white sheets which would naturally be bloodied and then brought out and displayed before all the distinguished guests. Only then would the Champagne be brought out so to speak. No bloody sheets no wedding, it was as simple as that.

Indeed this is still being practiced in many cultures the world over. But still, today most of the world has changed and virgins are an extremely endangered species, some would say they are almost extinct. Or so you may have thought.

And you would be wrong in this assumption because the truth is that the number of virgins are currently growing at break neck speed courtesy of a simple surgical procedure that completely restores a woman’s virginity and thus destroys any evidence that any man has ever been there before. What is left of the hymen is stitched together and reconstructed in a simple procedure called hymenorraphy. In cases where the hymen is not enough, additional tissue from the vaginal wall is used to make a complete hymen and restore precious virginity to any lass who wants it back.

Done properly, even another doctor examining the woman will be fooled and certify her a virgin medically.
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Woman violently rapes man until he lands in hospital Video
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Although this procedure is not considered a part of gynecology, it is making some shrewd surgeons a fortune literally overnight. More so in cultures where there can be no wedding without a hymen. It is also widely available in some plastic surgery centres in the West and especially in the United States.

Some pretty amazing statistics are being touted by supporters of this crafty cheat-a-man-and-get-your-own-back procedure. It is said that it has been single-handedly responsible for reducing the number of women being murdered when a bride is found not to be a virgin, by a staggering 80 percent in Egypt alone over the last 10 years. Wow!!

But even more fascinating is a deft touch added to the procedure. Apart from reconstructing the hymen, a gelatin capsule which contains a blood-like substance is added for effect. And so when the hymen is ruptured by the cheated man “blood” spurts out. Probably enough to soak a good white sheet and delight the wedding guests about to take in Nyama choma and bloody mutura. (what an appetizer the virgin blood on the sheets must be!).

This fake but effective virginity costs between US $100 and $600. At least that is what women in Egypt are gladly paying. In Turkey getting your virginity back is estimated to cost between $140 and $1500 a pop.

Now there are a host of issues that are raised by this procedure. Proponents point to the fact that there are many ways the hymen can be accidentally “punctured” even without sexual intercourse and this procedure has saved the lives of many innocent women who have never had sex but still end up dying on their wedding night any way. Critics point to the obvious fact that a lot of men will get cheated. But then many women will counter back that women get cheated all the time by men who never have to carry any visible and obvious signs that they are not virgins.

I can already see the advertisements for this procedure which should be with us very soon;

- Cause a man to worship you, get married virgin even if your immediate former profession was an escort girl.
- Get the wedding night that was intended for you from the beginning of time.
- Get your own back on men prove to him that you are a virgin while being careful not to cause him a heart attack.

In neighboring Zanzibar it is common for young girls under intense pressure to have only anal sex with their boyfriends until their wedding night. The health repercussions of this kind of sexual activity, which includes passing stool without any control, are enormous. And so those who can afford a flight to Egypt and $100 will have another way of having their cake and eating it as well.

Surely the end of the world is not too far off!!

See also;

I regret revealing mini skirt I wore the day I was carjacked and raped at Imara Daima Estate

Kenya Beauty Queens Who Lost Launch Facebook Page To Expose Their Colleagues For Spreading Their Legs To Win

Woman has epileptic fit every time she tries to be with a man

Campus girl makes Kshs 20,000 a month selling pregnancy testing kits to fellow students

Court Rules 2013 Most Likely Election Year

Updates

The law may be an ass but how do the so-called constitutional court reconcile these three conflicting provisions of the new set of law if they are to avoid being seen as fenceseatters or partisan at worst :


1) They went y Section 9 of the Sixth Schedule which states that the first elections for the President, National Assembly, Senate, County Assemblies and Governors shall be held within 60 days after the dissolution of Parliament at the end of its term (do we have we have Senate, County Assemblies or Governors presently?).

2) They state that the Sixth Schedule is independent of the provisions of Article 101 which provides for elections in the second Tuesday of August hence the term of the National Assembly cannot be shorter that five years and that (new wine bottled in old wine skins?).

3) As per Article 255 of the Constitution, an amendment to the Constitution affecting the term of the President cannot be effected into law without a referendum (Kibaki's term ends on 30 December, 2012 so elections in March 2013 leaves a vacuum?)


I hope there is an IVY LEAGUE lawyer out there to please clarify!

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The much awaited court ruling on when Kenyans will go the polls came in a few moments ago and the initial reaction is that it is NOT good news for most.

Essentially the ruling says that unless the two principals dissolve the coalition then we will have to wait until the expiry of the current parliament which will be January 15th and then go to the polls 60 days after that which will be mid March 2013.

The vast majority of Kenyans on the ground sense mischief in pushing the elections to 2013. But naturally they are not aware of the fact that the law is the law. And it can hardly be twisted to suit anybody’s whims. The law which brought about the coalition government that we have suffered under for the last four long years (which actually feels more like 8 years) superseded many other laws of the land, including the new constitution it now seems.

But some important points to note here so that we don’t loose perspective;

• The most likely mid March 2013 election date is barely 3 months after the most popular suggested date for the general elections so far which is in December 2012.

• It is also about 7 months or so after the August date the new constitution talks about.

• It is NOT a whole year later.

Still the mood on the ground is that any extra hours longer than necessary that the current parliament and leadership remains in office is too long. And to most people it seems that the elections have been put back a whole year!

To be very honest there is still too much to be done legislatively so much so that the most realistic date for Kenyans to go to the polls is after January 31st 2013. That is the truth.

But then who cares about the truth when it is politics and the mood of the country we are talking about? Long suffering Kenyans have good reason to feel what they are feeling after decades of very bad leadership and this is the main reason why there is always so much excitement and anticipation whenever a new election comes up. It offers new hope to the people that things will change for the better. This time round the anticipation is at fever pitch because of the new constitution Kenyans so unanimously passed into law. A constitution written mostly with the blood of the people of Kenya a fact which many of us conveniently chose to forget way too often. Although just now it may be a little easier to remember because neighbouring Tanzania is clamoring for a new constitution and already it seems that the road is going to be very long and treacherous probably even more so than what Kenyans went through because baba na mama CCM (Chama Cha Mapinduzi) will not let go of power that easily. And unlike Kanu in the 1980s this is a party that has tentacles reaching into every small nook and cranny of Tanzanian life. So much so that many ordinary Tanzanians wryly call house flys “CCM”. The CCM juggernaut is the very heart beat of this vast underdeveloped sleeping giant of a nation whose citizens mostly envy Kenyans just because they can speak English. But that is not Kumekucha’s jurisdiction and so let us come back to Kenya shall we.

My take is that the ruling of the constitutional court on the next general elections has had the effect of causing the very unpopular leadership in the country to become even more unpopular in the eyes of the people.


Political joke of the week;
Little Njoro of Buru estate in Nairobi wanted Kshs 1,000 badly and prayed to God for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the Kshs 1,000. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God from Buru buru in Kenya, they decided to send it to State House.

The letter never even got to the president but an aide was very touched and so he sent the boy Kshs 200. He felt that this was a lot of money for a small kid.

Njoro was delighted when he received the Kshs 200 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending the money.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through State House and, as usual, those crooks deducted a whole Kshs 800. My teacher tells me that you never forget, but did you not this once forget that Kenya is one of the most corrupt countries in the world and that as my dad is always saying corruption starts at the top?

I suggest you send an angel next time.

Thanks,
Njoro.

Why Baraza is Still in Office: Kwenda Rokota Hio Mtu

One of the pet subjects of this blog right from inception has been how there are two completely different laws. One for the Kerubos and another for the Barazas. This is in keeping with the Kenyan tradition of having two of everything; businessmen have two books of accounts one for the KRA and the other for personal use, majority Kenyan men have two women, one to bear their children the other for “hepi”.

Over the years I have given many examples including the one where the police are a favourite option for debt collection. In one case I personally witnessed a couple of years ago, this guy was owed 700 bob for some products they had given on credit. He bribed the police 1000 bob to have the guy picked up. He was locked up until a relative turned up to pay 3000 bob (includes interest). Nice tidy profit and they got paid. Was this Kenyan a genius or what?

In the spirit of the new constitution many Kenyans had hoped that the law would start being a little more equal but alas, the Nancy Baraza saga proves that this is just not the case.

We know that in the Baraza case the police have said they have enough evidence to prosecute. So what are they waiting for? If Ms Baraza was an ordinary Kenyan she would have been in police cells for the last 11 days waiting for the police to make that decision.

Kwenda rokota hio mtu (go pick up that person) is a well known Kenya police mantra. If you were some nobody Kenyan resisting being searched at the Village market on the date that my birthday falls on, a phone call later somebody at Gigiri police station would have been barking that order; Kwenda rokota hio mtu. That would have been due process for them.

Instead 11 days later Ms Baraza is still at large,

One good thing that has come out of this whole episode is that Kenyans have learnt the true character of their deputy CJ. She has not had the common decency to read the writing on the wall and hand in her resignation. Instead she has opted to cling to her office as if she were clinging to dear life. Very Kenyan and very disgusting.

And then some brute of a man comes out and makes a statement to the effect that “big people” are always being harassed by small security people in the country every day. Had Hon Fred Gumo been an ordinary Kenyan he would now be rotting in jail serving multiple sentences. The man has assaulted so many Kenyans (including the famous slapping of a returning officer who happened to be a woman during a general election) that using the term “brute” to describe him is being very kind. Is he trying to make excuses for the deputy CJ just because she comes from his part of the world (tribalism?)? Or is it because the DCJ let off Kerubo lightly with only a pinch of the nose when Gumo angechafua?

Why don’t we change the constitution so that we constitute committees (or even better commissions to enquire into the conduct of…) to deliberate every time somebody commits a crime?

P.S. Fred Gumo... suggested that security guards be trained on how to treat VIPs.

He said it was unfair that some of them were subjected to public embarrassment by guards who do not know them. “In this country we have people who are important. If you are an important person – if you are a minister like me, fortunately I am known by most of the security people. There are people who have just been appointed. They should handle people with care, not roughing them .”

The part that had be rolling on the floor was when he said; "fortunately I am known by most security people.”

Of course Bwana Gumo, you are known for your extremely violent ways.