Observe the signs carefully and you will know the future, we are told by those who predict stuff. We are also informed that the gate of anything is very important, observe carefully what happened at the “entrance to 2012” and you will know the future.
This is gibberish to most of us but if for a minute we humour this mumbo jumbo then the incident at the village market last Saturday and more importantly the repercussions which are still unfolding could mean that we have entered the year of the under dog.
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See earlier post on this subject: Why Nancy Barasa must resign
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This will be the year when humble Davids will fell Goliaths. Who knew Rebecca Kerubo Morara before Saturday? And before her nose was allegedly pinched. A nobody security guard stationed at the Village market to frisk all lady’s (albeit the less violent and non-serial nose pinchers) entering the up market mall. As you read this the Deputy Chief Justice’s job hangs on the balance and even if she remains in office the rest of her term is bound to be extremely shaky. All because of a small nobody security guard called Rebecca Kerubo Morara.
This could just be a sign of things to come. Great news for the long suffering down-trodden Kenyan. It could mean that if indeed elections are going to be held this year then we will see nobodies elected, probably up to the highest office in the land. The mood on the ground certainly supports this theory.
Meanwhile the chief justice and JSC have already received at least one private petition to sack Nancy Barasa from a Mr Peter Gichira Solomon. He says in his petition;
“My petition for the removal of the Deputy Chief Justice from office is informed by my worry that, on one hand, public dissatisfaction with the way this issue is dealt with may strike a fatal to confidence on the Judiciary and the rule of law at the very inception from the New Constitution,
On the other hand, if the law is given the highest priority and justice is done, then a reputation for the Judiciary and the new dispensation will forever have been established.”
Friday, January 06, 2012
Thursday, January 05, 2012
Why Nancy Barasa Must Resign
…Opium sessions have to end
What happened at the Village Market last Saturday is the big problem we have with our leaders past and present. And it is a problem that we must correct NOW if we are to change the destiny of our dear beloved nation.
Impeccable sources close to the late Mulu Mutisya assured me several times that there was nothing that used to jazz the King of Ukambani more than the kind of attention his entrance anywhere elicited. I was once in an office when Bwana Mutisya walked in and everybody stood up to attention and those who were wearing hats removed them. He arrogantly waved his hands and walked into his office. A man who never saw the inside walls of a classroom causing such ripples used to give Mutisya the kind of “high” that was well above what one can expect from opium or cocaine. And so it is safe to assume that he must have had a shattering and memorable orgasm the day a very well educated man and learned friend called Kalonzo Musyoka knelt down before him in seeking a career in politics. And there is evidence to prove that the kneeling was super effective in achieving its’ objectives because there were no general elections in site but a couple of weeks later Musyoka was seated inside parliament. The MP he replaced in Mwingi was shot dead by a crazed administration policeman in an incident that has never been fully explained to this day and in the hurried by-election that followed Wiper was in Bunge. Just like that!! But that is a story for another day.
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How did Miguna Miguna's financial problems vanish so suddenly?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our leaders have these opium sessions from being called mheshimiwa and from making grand entrances in public places where business comes to a stand still because of them. Like the time shortly after the President of the Republic of Kenya went on national TV to talk matters of national importance in the form of telling Kenyans lies to the effect that he had only one wife called Lucy and that anybody else claiming otherwise was an imposter. About two days later “the Imposter” Mary wa Munene (better known as Mary Wambui) made a grand entrance at a supermarket at the Sarit Centre allegedly to do some shopping accompanied by some heavy GSU protection.
I am persuaded that a poor security guard called Ms Kerubo tried to interfere with one of these opium sessions last Saturday and that was the crux of the problem and the real reason why all hell broke loose. She claims at one point she was on her knees begging for her life to be spared gun pointed at her. What really terrified her was the fact that her late father who was also a security guard had lost his life identical circumstances.
While confusion surrounds the allegation that the deputy CJ fetched a gun from her car which she used to threaten the guard (because CCTV footage does not capture this) it is clear that the deputy CJ threatened the guard and she also refused to be frisked.
People who refuse to be frisked in public places amaze me and I tend to doubt their intelligence because after all for whose benefit is the frisking being done? Is it not to protect you? And so by refusing to be frisked you are actually saying you do not want to be protected from possible terror threats which are very real in Kenya just now, especially in public places like shopping malls.
In the minds of a vast majority of the folks seeking political office this year the furthest thing on their minds is serving the people. Instead they are ejaculating just thinking of all the wonderful opium sessions they are going to enjoy once in office. In presidential motorcades, governors’ motorcades etc. The people’s agenda is a distant third on their to-do-list. No prizes for guessing what number two (or number one on some lists) is. It is getting rich.
Now is a good time to rudely interrupt these ongoing opium sessions by asking Ms Barasa to resign immediately. You can be sure that it will not stop this human vanity nonsense, but at least it will be a wake up call and we must start somewhere.
My dear fellow Kenyans, let us call for the immediate resignation of the deputy CJ. No stories, no excuses, no delay.
For the record the deputy chief justice and vice president of the Supreme Court of the current banana republic of Kenya hails from a place that is not far away from the village of my late mother and my relatives over there are very proud of her and her achievements. Naturally they will not take kindly to this post. The Bukusu are much more violent than the cowardly Akamba and I am sure if I went ahead with my planned visit there soon I am bound to find myself in a situation where something much more lethal than a beer bottle will be flying in my direction. But alas I love my country more.
Breaking News: Chief Justice Mutunga Calls Emergency JSC Meeting To Discuss Barasa
What happened at the Village Market last Saturday is the big problem we have with our leaders past and present. And it is a problem that we must correct NOW if we are to change the destiny of our dear beloved nation.
Impeccable sources close to the late Mulu Mutisya assured me several times that there was nothing that used to jazz the King of Ukambani more than the kind of attention his entrance anywhere elicited. I was once in an office when Bwana Mutisya walked in and everybody stood up to attention and those who were wearing hats removed them. He arrogantly waved his hands and walked into his office. A man who never saw the inside walls of a classroom causing such ripples used to give Mutisya the kind of “high” that was well above what one can expect from opium or cocaine. And so it is safe to assume that he must have had a shattering and memorable orgasm the day a very well educated man and learned friend called Kalonzo Musyoka knelt down before him in seeking a career in politics. And there is evidence to prove that the kneeling was super effective in achieving its’ objectives because there were no general elections in site but a couple of weeks later Musyoka was seated inside parliament. The MP he replaced in Mwingi was shot dead by a crazed administration policeman in an incident that has never been fully explained to this day and in the hurried by-election that followed Wiper was in Bunge. Just like that!! But that is a story for another day.------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How did Miguna Miguna's financial problems vanish so suddenly?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our leaders have these opium sessions from being called mheshimiwa and from making grand entrances in public places where business comes to a stand still because of them. Like the time shortly after the President of the Republic of Kenya went on national TV to talk matters of national importance in the form of telling Kenyans lies to the effect that he had only one wife called Lucy and that anybody else claiming otherwise was an imposter. About two days later “the Imposter” Mary wa Munene (better known as Mary Wambui) made a grand entrance at a supermarket at the Sarit Centre allegedly to do some shopping accompanied by some heavy GSU protection.
I am persuaded that a poor security guard called Ms Kerubo tried to interfere with one of these opium sessions last Saturday and that was the crux of the problem and the real reason why all hell broke loose. She claims at one point she was on her knees begging for her life to be spared gun pointed at her. What really terrified her was the fact that her late father who was also a security guard had lost his life identical circumstances.
While confusion surrounds the allegation that the deputy CJ fetched a gun from her car which she used to threaten the guard (because CCTV footage does not capture this) it is clear that the deputy CJ threatened the guard and she also refused to be frisked.
People who refuse to be frisked in public places amaze me and I tend to doubt their intelligence because after all for whose benefit is the frisking being done? Is it not to protect you? And so by refusing to be frisked you are actually saying you do not want to be protected from possible terror threats which are very real in Kenya just now, especially in public places like shopping malls.
In the minds of a vast majority of the folks seeking political office this year the furthest thing on their minds is serving the people. Instead they are ejaculating just thinking of all the wonderful opium sessions they are going to enjoy once in office. In presidential motorcades, governors’ motorcades etc. The people’s agenda is a distant third on their to-do-list. No prizes for guessing what number two (or number one on some lists) is. It is getting rich.
Now is a good time to rudely interrupt these ongoing opium sessions by asking Ms Barasa to resign immediately. You can be sure that it will not stop this human vanity nonsense, but at least it will be a wake up call and we must start somewhere.
My dear fellow Kenyans, let us call for the immediate resignation of the deputy CJ. No stories, no excuses, no delay.
For the record the deputy chief justice and vice president of the Supreme Court of the current banana republic of Kenya hails from a place that is not far away from the village of my late mother and my relatives over there are very proud of her and her achievements. Naturally they will not take kindly to this post. The Bukusu are much more violent than the cowardly Akamba and I am sure if I went ahead with my planned visit there soon I am bound to find myself in a situation where something much more lethal than a beer bottle will be flying in my direction. But alas I love my country more.
Breaking News: Chief Justice Mutunga Calls Emergency JSC Meeting To Discuss Barasa
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
Moi Leading In Kumekucha Polls?
My spiritual advisor was giving me some advice the other day. Excerpts…“Chris, this being an election year there will be plenty happening and I notice that you take some of these things very personally. Too personally. Kwani who are you? Anyway it is not good for your health. And what you feel will not change anything. You should take yourself less seriously? Why don’t you post jokes in that Kumekucha blog of yours?”
Jokes in Kumekucha? But that is ridiculous.
But 3 weeks later I have chewed on what that wise Tanzanian said. It is true I take myself too seriously. And so you will also find a political joke at the end of this post. Enjoy and quit taking yourself so seriously, life is too short for that.
* * *
I have spent the last 3 months or so down on the ground with ordinary Kenyans trying to discover the most popular presidential candidate. It was an interesting experience because after a while I started getting the feeling that I was trying to stuff presidential candidates down the throats of Kenyans.
Martha who? Eti Raila? Ukitaja jina ya huyo mtu tena itabidii utoke hapa (if you mention that man’s name again you will need to leave).
And so I threw away my elaborate forms, notes and papers and started listening to the people. Really listening. What emerged may be a joke to most folks, but it is an accurate representation of what the majority of ordinary folk feel right now.
My poll results show that former President Moi is the most popular presidential candidate in the ghettos of Kenya today. The feeling amongst the people is that during his tenure they had a lot more cash in their pockets. The people are desperate to return to those days.
Huyu mtu Moi hawezi kurudi? Constitution mpya inasema nini? (This man Moi cannot come back? What does the new constitution say?)
Tying at second place in the Kumekucha poll is Professor George Saitoti and Rev Mutava Musyimi. Ordinary folks believe that if Moi cannot be brought back then the next best person who knew what Moi did that made it possible for them to have cash in their pockets is GeorgeSaitoti who was his VP for many years. It was not immediately clear to me why Musyimi ranked so highly in my poll but my guess is that it still has to do with getting the money to return.
I emerged from my tour of Kenya very confused but very clear on one thing. This presidential election is going to be about money in the people’s pocket, presidential hopefuls take note.
The really bad news is that evil Moi is going to carry a lot of clout in Rift valley politics this time round. No governor is going to get elected without his blessing. I find that really really sad.
* * *
Joke ya kusindikiza post….
While walking down Haille Selassie Avenue one day a pot bellied Kenyan MP is tragically hit by a speeding matatu and dies on the spot.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. “Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see waheshimiwa around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in I am a lawmaker from the republic of Kenya,” says the MP who was at the forefront of voting several times for indiscriminate salary increments for MPs.
“Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”
“Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the MP.
“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.” And with that, St.Peter escorts him to the lifts and he finds himself going down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They even sing Kanu yajenga nchi for good measure. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on nyama choma, mukimo and Tusker. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly and nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. Everybody is shocked after all they have heard about Satan before.
They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the lift goes back up...The lift goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. “Now it's time to visit heaven.”
So, 24 hours pass with the corrupt MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
“Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”
The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.” So St. Peter escorts him to the lift and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers the MP. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate juicy nyama choma, drank cold Tuskers, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning....Today you voted. Si you know politics?"
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