I had a fascinating, “sizzling hot haircut” recently.
Before you read any further let me warn those of my readers with weak hearts that this is an adult post. And those very intellectual brothers of mine who do not like explicit posts like this please read no further. There are plenty of other nice intellectually stimulating sites out there that will keep all the stimulus above the shoulders. Those blogs are owned and written by chaps with much better manners than the crude Kumekucha.
Let me also add that I have realized that the old fearless Kumekucha did not fear to step on any toes. I liked the guy because he said it as it was, without fear or favour. I have no idea how the current self-censoring Kumekucha came into being but I don’t like him and this post is the first step in a concerted effort to get rid of him… hopefully for good.
The nice lass from Central province who gave Kumekucha a haircut looks very much like this…
So I was talking about this sizzling haircut I had recently. You see once in a while I go to this kinyozi situated in a constituency in Central province. I go there to hear what people are saying politically and the excuse I use is a haircut. It is a fairly decent Kinyozi I dare add especially when you consider where it is situated. The owner even has a solar back-up system so that if there is a power outage when only half your scalp is done, he can complete the job on solar power. Wow!!! And he does not charge 400 bob like the guys in town.
When I arrived the chap who usually shaves me was busy with another customer and like a true Kenyan, I don’t like waiting… for anything. And so I noticed this nice young lady (I had never seen her there before) giving a young boy a haircut. Actually she was just putting the final touches and before I knew it, she was free. Now, regular readers of this blog will know that I have great respect for women and the easiest way to get into a fight with me is to show disrespect when I am around.
I made the decision in a split second. Why not, I told myself. I settled down to receive the very first haircut I have ever had since I was born from a woman (who is not my mother). My, oh my!!!
One thing about women is that they pay much more attention to detail than men. Without being biased she did a much better job then any man has ever done. Even the 400 bob folks who hang their noses high in town don’t come anywhere near. Imagine those guys at that barber who talk so much politics have never massaged me with hot water after the haircut and so I assumed that they don’t have the facilities. This nice chic did!!
Now the down-side of having such a young girl give a normal red-blooded man a haircut is what I experienced and am about to share with you. Quite a few times her shapely breasts pressed against parts of my body.. Luckily I am a well behaved man in full control otherwise… sitasema!!!.
Then there were a few other times that she held my head gently to tilt to a certain angle so as to shear off the hair better. I am ashamed to say it but I experienced this tingling sensation. You know there are ways only a chic can hold you and no rough man’s hand can achieve the same thing.
Then worse of all there were times when as she leaned forward parts of her anatomy that I cannot dare mention here (brave as I think I am) pressed against me. It was accidental and I am sure she was not conscious. But the effect!!! Aiii!!! Folks I am only human and I like to tell the truth.
I have to admit that I enjoyed that haircut and my hair cannot grow fast enough for me to make a return trip to that Kinyozi. Eat your heart outs kumekuchans, I shall not mention the name of the Kinyozi or where exactly it is. And you know I can’t be bribed. So let’s just leave it at that.
That long hot story was told to illustrate the fact that it is very difficult to avoid stereotyping. From my experience at that Kinyozi the other day (the drama and sex innuendo aside) I am tempted to say that women are much better at jobs like giving a haircuts. And the reason is that they pay much more attention to detail. Men get bored easily and settle into routine much more quickly.
In my last post I realize that I rubbed quite a few of you the wrong side when I suggested that certain political decisions made by the Prime Minister were mistakes he would NOT have made was he not a Luo. Now I realize that stereotyping is detestable but the truth is that most Luos I have met are proud fellows who like to feel important. Including my late best friend called G. Admittedly I have met a few (very few) who are different. Most Kamba women I have met are crazy about sex and tend to be unfaithful in marriage. I have met very few who don’t fit into that pigeonhole. Perhaps two out of a total of well over two dozen women. I have also met very few Kikuyus who do not have a fondness for money that is beyond normal. Most Kisii men I have met have ended up being wife-beaters. Sad, but the truth. And I can go on and on.
Stereotypes are used by the wise to prepare themselves for the unknown. For example if you have an important client coming to your office who happens to be a Kamba man and you don’t know anything else about them, you will use your stereotype knowledge to impress the man and get the business. Hire some nice-looking but decent models to serve drinks and swagger across the room regularly during the meeting etc.
Folks I am convinced that one Emilio Mwai Kbaki used his stereotype knowledge of the Luo community to outfox and outwit one Raila Odinga. That is the truth. Hard to swallow? YES. A terrible thing to say? Absolutely. BUT it is the truth.
Now I know some of you will ask what I have started smoking. And I know that denying it will just be a waste of time. And so I will say, Yes I am smoking something. Uta-do? Expect even crazier posts from Kumekucha from now on.
You must have missed this other controversial Kumekucha post about sleeping arrangements.