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Friday, June 12, 2009

Uhuru’s Star Performer with Majimbo Budget

Uhuru’s delivery of his debut budget speech was marvelous. Short on jargon and long on freebies to everybody from alcohol to mitumba dealers. And his fellow MPs aptly rewarded him with thunderous applause. Jomo Junior’s delivery was superb and betrayed the hitherto so-called professions before him.

But there ends the party. Those old enough to have had their ears assaulted before with tough empty talk by Kenyan politicians know better. With all eyes on 2012, UK knew even better. With his populist constituency conditional stimulus plan, he hoped to bag allies in advance, delivery notwithstanding.

The majimbo budget was cleverly crafted to soothe national egos. Nyachae played to a full gallery before with his austerity measures that never took flight from his lips.

All the talk about localized package to pay for construction of roads, building fresh produce markets and fishponds and also enable a number of Kenyans living in far-flung areas access quality education is sweet music. Experience will drain you on any trace of optimism in walking the talk. Not being an alarmist nor a doomsayer but reality is never pleasant.

Colourful mirage
With no institutional reforms, all the good promises will only be selfishly implemented to serve partisan interests. Ask any government insider and s/he tell you that the so-called freeze on civil service recruitment only exists on paper. Finance and Education ministries are constantly hiring the RIGHT people. No prizes for guessing the fate of Sh1.3 billion set aside for teacher recruitment albeit with some token exceptions to create a false impression of objectivity.

All the buzz about devolved budget is great. But don’t be fooled. With no firm institutions to monitor implementation, the smart looters are simply creating disguised avenues to milk us dry. The fine print will lead you to modernized faceless Anglo Leasing-like schemes.

So UK scored highly on delivery. But only the mentally timid can start ululating hoping for commensurate action. Well, mirages keep caravans hopeful amidst sand dunes and scorching heat.

For those in search of evangelist missions, it never hurts to occasionally have your ego boosted oblivious of the painful disappointment thereafter. Welcome to Kenyan political theatre of scoundrels.


Vikii said...

Glorifications dished out with a very heavy heart. Mtaamka!

As to whether those schools do actually get upgraded or not or if the FISH POND business really comes to fruition, what has that got to do with Uhuru--Talk to the member of Parliament you elected!

Jellyfish said...

I think it was a very good budget given the current global crisis. It also provides Kenya with a much needed stimulus which is actually quite sensible because it focuses on infrastructure. With regard to implementation that is a job for others to carry-out and not UK. He can allocate money to the ministry of Agriculture but he cant oversee how it will be spent within that Ministry for example. On CDF it's upto the MP's to do their jobs and Peter Kenneth has already shown the way with Gatanga.

Anonymous said...

Can you imagine Michuki or Saitoti driving around in a Premio.

papa plus said...

Kenyans by nature are very proficient at writing reports and that includes budgets. What we lack is the structures and ability implement and follow through. So I would simply peg this budget along with the other brilliantly "read" budgets of yesteryear.

Anonymous said...

Comments on actual budget are reserved until i read the full text, however am just amazed, if it sounds good then its from dear golden boy UK, but if it stinks, the fingers come out fast and furious its sabotage at treasury, typos and what nots.

Looks like central has its hopes pegged firmly on Golden Boy way he's being mothered.

So now we know the game plan

Mama said...

I kinda like this budget coz now all constituencies have equal opportunities, we need to see what those wretched MPs aka Migingo Pirates will do with their share.

That Gatanga MP has shown them the way, they should stop whining all the time about lack of cash! I hear in Gatanga there are no potholes.....Peter Kenneth even dared us to gop check and if we find one we report to him!

60 million, what will yours do with theirs?

I want my rural road to be constructed pronto!

And so good to hear about them driving Toyota Corollas and Premios and Carinas! That is definitely the way to go, no more latest of the range Mercs, no more Rangerovers, no more Prados, No more Pajeros, Baby Boy Jomo rocks!

M-Pesa said...

Cannot see in this budget any specific measures that cushion Kenyans from the global economic crunch, in fact with increased domestic government inflation rates will hit the roof among other things. There will be short term relief based on some superficial lowering or leveling of some taxes and levies but these will be swallowed by high cost of imports. Something smells fishy here, digging more holes to fill up others

M-Pesa said...

I mean increased domestic borrwoing by the government

Anonymous said...

There goes Taabu "tick-tock-to Armageddon" the Teacher. The quintessential pessimist for whom cups are ever half empty-even when he is belching and releasing foul gas.
Anybody who is Kenyan will acknowledge that Uhuru's budget is the best since Uhuru (no pan intended). Whether it will work or not is not Uhuru's problem or mistake. He has made a proposal. Parliament will have time to debate it and seal all possible loopholes. Kenyans have the duty of seeing that all the money at the constituency is put to good use. At least once Uhuru said he is proposing issues after discussing them with Kibaki and Raila, therefore the issue of him eyeing 2012 does not arise. In any case if he proposes heaven in 2009, we still have 3 years to see how far his promises go. The truth of the matter is that politicians have realized that they must listen to Wanjiku and do as she demands. Wanjiku is nowadays alert, aggressive, inquisitive, analytical, demanding and educated. MPs might be happy that more money has been shoved their way. But this might be the rope with which they will hang themselves.
My only disappointment with the Uhuru budget is that he did not push ahead the Kimunya suggestion that MPs and Institutional office holders must pay taxes. But we common Kenyans must insist on this.
Kenyans, it is you and me to run this country, not those 220 superfed gluttons in parliament and statehouse.

Anonymous said...

Taabu,if that budget speech had been read by one of those overdyed intellectual from the other side,I guess you would be assailing our eyes with platitudes about being on the right track blah,blah,blah

Anonymous said...

We should all go on strike of reading Kumekucha until Chris come back!

Anonymous said...

Taabu I sometimes want to agree with you in your kikuyu bashings (they are definitely thieves, and kaleos are corrupt which means the same) but I need to know if you are educated and know what you are talking about. Eg what does this mean "and betrayed the hitherto so-called professions before him"?

Anonymous said...

Chris or Taabu, please delete this bigot's posting.

Mwambu said...

Papa plus you get it.

What Uhuru "Mungiki" Kenyatta did in this budget reading is mere PR. No biggie. As you also so aptly point out, it was just a reading of a budget, albeit one, I might add, fraught with debt and deficits.

Kenyans will soon experience high interest rates, possibly coupled with higher rates of inflation.

M-Pesa said...

This "grassroots" budget was a campaign tool which Jomo jnr cleverly used to boost his 2012 prospects and it worked wonders like a viagra pill on a 72 years old who had previously "returned his digging tools back to the store!".

It was for the common mwananchi out there, Wanjiku the mama mboga, Otieno the boda boda driver and Joe the plumber. Jomo jnr has his eyes singularly trained on what he sees as bigger things destined to come his way.

He was sending a statement out there to other pretenders to the throne, kind of saying "I can even do bigger wonders from the big house on the hill!" Uhuru has now rolled his sleeves and he's no longer a party animal that he used to be.

You won't find Jomo Jnr anymore at Palacina or Aero Club in Wilson going for a bender, not any more. He's just too busy plotting, dealing and scheming for 2012. The budget may have been about "mashinani" but it was also about Uhuru the MAN.

Only a fool would rubbish this budget, it's now up to the parliament to tick the rest and start by returning all the gas guzzlers they have, I don't the scumbags will!

And to the dude above full of spelling mistakes who has hijacked my moniker purporting to be me, I'm very flattered but please do grow up, you will make a fine adult!

Mwambu said...

M-Pesa, I like your incisive comments @10:01.

On the one hand, while Uhuru will be able to cover some of the budgetary shortfalls in the short-term via selling off of our public assets corporations (aka privatization), on the other, in the medium to long-term, our goose is cooked. Just to put it in perspective, the government, per the KRA, in this last fiscal year, collected less taxes meaning declining revenues.

Additionally, with more workers losing their jobs, there is less income tax revenue, plus the corporate sector is not doing that great either, meaning lower corporate tax revenue yet we are still keeping expenditures high.

The government will, therefore, be reduced to borrowing domestically, precipitating higher interest rates, probably accompanied with inflation, or borrowing from "friends" like China (becoming a ward of the PRC), or selling the Libyans more Grand Regency Hotels.

Anonymous said...

They way country budgets are made requires a back and forth dicussions with various misnistries,Gov departments, the president and cabinet. The ministry of finance just collates and organises all that so a budget is a monetary reflection of current gov policies and strategies but that does not mean other 'clever' people may not have computer 'errors' for their own agenda......ultimately its the implementation. We all know of a certain misinter of finance who denied some ministry of a rival that that ministry/minister is not seen as a perfomer.....the game has only just began.........The majimbo money is what kenya needs lets just make sure it gets there...given most of it will go to waste, but let kenyans waste their money instead of a few rich bastards, with time we will become better at managing it.
Nobody was ever a perfect money manager all the degrees from . harvard,yale princeton and other prestigious B schools did not save the great US of A from going under.....not to mention GM and others like AIG so let cut kenyans in the rural areas some slack and give them a hand in sorting out CDFs.

Sir Alex

One Wife Man said...

Taabu aka Teacher,
By channeling funds through the CDF UK has either knowingly or unwitingly exposed an area of the Governments softunderbelly to public for one or two MPs whose constituencies have achieved proper use of this fund

since its introduction CDF has been dogged by allegations of mis-allocation and irregular expenditure and sometimes non-expenditure all together. this calls into question the ability of MPs to actually manage the distribution and implementation of this fund as well as Kenyan's ability to monitor the transparency with which these funds are put to use

For the first time it seems the ball is in our courts as the public lets see whether we can make our MPs duplicate the success of constituencies whose CDFs have been put to proper use

Meanwhile MIJINJO ISLAND was not left out of UG budget-we are well taken care of over here bro, and won't you join me for FFBQ?(friday fish barbeque)

Mwambu said...

Sir Alex, you mention something that is quite intriguing in that we should let Kenyans manage their affairs instead of a few thieving scoundrels like Kenyatta, Moi, and Kibaki.

Kenyans have been living a facade for far too long. Let the regions control their resources and their destinies (from the center). Let us devolve a la Majimbo, and let the chips fall where they may.

Anonymous said...

So UK just proved that he can read a long speech in English. Big deal.

Anonymous said...

Mwambu thats the Truth Ruth,

Kenyans have never asked for a perfect country or a rich or more modern country they just want their country back to do whatever the heck they want with it.....its called people power ...democracy...let develope together we are tired of a few pretending to know better than the rest of us.....we pay the taxes we spend the money......lets just hope uhuru is not another rabbit in the hat trickstar and he should do as he says.....though I'm not holding my breath.....and if he does so he is no hero he is just doing a job he is overpaid to do...To my fellow kenyans ist not time to demand even more....more scrutiny of CDFs more power to the people the money has been brought closer home if you sleep and your MPs steals shauri yako.At the end of the day u still have to get off your butt and go ensure that money is spent properly.....can we now share strategies of 'eyeballing' cdf that an ordinary manaanchi can use......

Sir Alex

M-Pesa said...

I'm reading the banned book "It's Our Turn to Eat" written by Michela Wrong with lots of help from John Githongo. Although the govt purported to "ban" the book, I got mine from hawkers along Valley Road for just 800 bob, although he had asked for sh 1,500. After reading a few chapters, you will weep, do doubt about that unless you have a heart of stone. Caution: keep a handkerchief handy.

Pg 279, "People in this country (Kenya) are like meat for hyenas. the only question is which hyena do you prefer to be eaten by: Hyena Raila, Hyena Kibaki or Hyena Musyoka? Whichever it is, it's still a hyena coming to eat you..."

voiced thots said...

Jehovah have mercy on kenya. we need him to come na asitumane...some comments here leave a bad taste in the mouth..why dont we wait and see?if your constituency is given 60m and it does nothing,who do you ask?Uk?Kibaki?raila? YOUR MP!!!!!lets see if the budget is implemented...We cant give up on is our motherland....!!!

Mwambu said...

And Sir Alex, two phrases you used struck me as particularly poignant:

1)...more scrutiny of...
2). ..and go ensure that money is spent properly

The two phrases you used are very powerful because they get to the core of what has been the bane of our country, that is, transparency and accountability.

Your first phrase is asking that there should be transparency in Kenya. In the event that we have 1), then we are likely to hold those in positions of power accountable, as in your phrase 2).

Pretty mundane yet powerful.

Anonymous said...


Stop wailing and ranting. Go back to Mogotio and check on how your MP and chief are spending your CDF. You got to. There comes a time when a man stops blaming others and fate and does something about his circumstances. Don't expect Finance Minister Uhuru to come to your little hovel and babysit you there.

Anonymous said...

Pole taabu. Raila lost in 2007 and with him went whatever perks he had promised you.

Nothin will ever be good enough for you after that.

If you stop the pity party and look outside, you will see an astounding thing...Life is moving on

Taabu said...

CORRUPTION will be a thing of the past and those still nurturing such vile acts are better advised to relocate elsehere. Sounds familiar?

We have set the bar so low so much so that reading a speech in English for one hour earns on accolades, the obscene pay notwithstanding.

But again this is Kenya where everything is so blurred. For lack of heroes we dust up Lucifers and paint them white. Artful Kenyans at their best.

Anonymous said...

UK's budget was much better than those that have been tabled in the previous years, yes, the stimulus package is much needed, with the current economic status any form of relief is welcome. Yes creating the equality between the constituencies is good because it enhances accountability from MP's. And yes, the infrastructure in Kenya is too underdeveloped and the boost in that sector is much needed.

However, no matter his delivery Taabu does have a point in here somewhere. Isn't experience the best teacher?! Surely haven't we had enough well packaged fallacies being handed to us to be at least a bit wary of this one.

And over and on top all that, doesn't anyone else feel that the incentives in the budget skirted over quite a number of major issues and then blindsided us with a few tidbits here and there?

John Maina said...

Fantasy-stic Budget

It’s meant to hoodwink Kenyans that resources are being channelled to the locals. As Taabu rightly points this will be done via non-existing systems, which leak.

The only thing to celebrate is if your family has an MP or you are close to one in a man eat man society where everything goes. The MP will have direct or indirect influence on how these extra funds are used, now if you thought Kenyatta/Gideon/Jimmy were the last overnight millionaires, give it five years and see what becomes of the MP’s and their family.

The most hilarious item on the budget was the allocation for the construction of a light railway line in Kenya which I bet is the last we will here of it and don’t ask what will happen to the allocation.

Anonymous said...

Haiyai!!!! John Maina can write in English. Congratulations, man. Next target,learn to make a point.

Vikii said...

We have set the bar too low? According to you, we asre PRAISING a speech. Well, actually that is what your post is about. You are the one talking about star performances. Make up your mind. Just know what to write.

JEFF said...


As one of the people who read and (sometimes) comment on this blog, i consider myself a stakeholder. I joined this blog way back in September 2007.

Without prior warning, you appear to have sold the blog for 30 pieces of silver. Even though i never agreed with some of your wild speculations in some of your postings, at lease i used to enjoy reading them...for reading sake!

We know why the current owners HAD to get this blog from you: they think it is a tool they can use to reflect certain sections of the Kenyan society in a negative way, while turning a blind eye on the misdeeds of another preferred section, with the misinformed believe that this works in favour of the latter's political objectives.

Hint: This is the same tactic that was employed in 2007, and we all know what happened.

So please Chris, if you care for this country, let us have our blog back, even if we have to buy it back at a premium!

Anonymous said...

John Maina, why do you come here to embarrass yourself? you sound so thick! and the photo? sisemi kitu! just too ugly to make any comment on!!

Wangu wa Makeri said...

I love YOU!! come back! Your writing is so sexy man, I dream of you all the times! You are a gift to women like me and that's why I log into Kumekucha.

Anonymous said...

maigodiiii, what is this pining for chris all about????

Anonymous said...

Is that a rodent in Taabu's picture? Quite cute, really. Just wish it were clearer.

Phil said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Phil said...


What happened? I thought you and Taabu enjoy equal previleges on this blog? BTW, when re going to have a main post from you?

It would be interesting to hear your comments - JEFF - as regards the open bribery of Members of Parliament using the platform of the national budget. If this is not a blatant attempt to deceive Kenyans that the BOMAS draft has arrived and that there is no need for reforms (we know they dont want police, judiciary and electoral reforms), then what hell is it?

Uhuru can mislead the few who voted banana in 2005, but for us the majority who voted orange; it will be difficult, very difficult to convince us that uhuru's so called budget is not meant to devolve parliamentary corruption to constituencies.

In essense, uhuru is buying loyalty from MPs, a shortcut to defeat the proposed Waki tribunal (remember Hague beckons).

Bure kabisa.

Phil said...

kwanza those mbwenyas of yours JEFF, you need to get a fundi to measure a size bigger. they are too tight, ama you've been on too much mandondo at Grogan next to your home/office now that the mechanics have been evicted? hehehe

When can you get Mama, Vikii, Okello, Chris and Taabu ON THE BENCH? Ama these lady and guys might end up echange blows on air....anyway keep up the good work. Hiyo yako ni kali.

Vikii said...

Phil, you sound as dumb as Jakoyo Midiwo. Who gives you the right to talk on behalf of "those who voted Orange". For your information I did not just vote Orange, I CAMPAIGNED for it. Now does that mean I share in the wild goose chase your party engages in? You accuse the minister of some wild conspiracy to embrace "bananaism". Uhuru Kenyatta, for your information was one of the leaders who spearheaded the rejection of the Wako draft. In fact as Leader of Opposition, he LED efforts toward a successful rejection of a constititional document sanctioned by A GOVERNMENT polluted with some of those you credit with reforms. That is the truth kwa hivyo acha kujidanganya.

As for you and your Midiwoism, who said the Jeff you are addressing is the one blogging on Kumekucha? And even if they were one and the same person, dont you think your tone is cleverly planned to intimidate others? Are there people, Jeffs or otherwise, who are not entitled to their opinions?

Phil said...

And spare me the trash Vikii. You sound as high (and I must add as confused) as one Kalembe Ndile.

I voted for Orange and I have every right to speak on behalf of chungwa. Not just that, I am an ODM life member, a party which – unlike ODM-K – was not bought to split Orange votes. You may as well defect to TIP-sy TIP-sy ya Ndile.

Uhuru Kenyatta was a reluctant Orange leader. If anything, he was an embarrassment to the then opposition when he gave up the official opposition leadership to support the confusion that was then known as GNU, incorporating the likes of Nyachae and Karume. In any case can you quantify what Uhuru as KANU chairman and a leader from central province delivered to the orange victory? Nil, absolutely NIL.

What we are saying here Vikii is it is unprofessional and dishonest to use the national budget to play stupid succession politics. It gets even more distasteful when the minister bribes MPs (read but protection in advance) and also devolves resources to MPs and their chronies while conveniently forgetting to put audit structures in place.

Now that your hero occupied the LGB seat while the budget was being read, has it in anyway resulted in his being declared the sole PNU candidate for 2012. BTW, can you tell us what happened to sports commissioner and ODM-K chair Daniel Maanzo? Nyinyi wakamba, bila uwongo, mutazidi kulalia maskio mpaka lini?

Jeff is always misintepreting Taabu’s posts as aimed at certain communities. Why the guilt? Is it because he shares a DNA? Or is it because of his notorious surname? Manze....kapambaniseni mafala. hehehe

Taabu said...

How dare you brand Vikii's comments TRASH? You have all the freedom to articulate yours but none to bellittle Vikii. And you owe him an apology and dare you not then I will source it painfully on his behalf.

And while at it why do we always fall for cheap nostalgia that only succeeds in lowering the bar? You can all rant and rave but please leave Stevo out of it, lest you incure god's wrath. He is the only middle (KATIKATI) ground between the raging fires on either side.

UrXlnc said...


Ministers defy directive on small cars

...Cabinet ministers on Friday opposed a government directive to stop using vehicles with engine capacities of more than 1.8 litres ....

i have always wondered who ministers or should i say media refer to as govt and minister and how they can make the distinction

... cannot drive into a function in small car ‘‘similar to ones driven by teenagers...

...with some categorically vowing not to surrender the cars.

Gender minister Esther Murugi said: “I am not going to comply.”

etc etc

and that is just the beginning, the ink is not even dry on....

nuff said

Vikii said...

This is ridiculous. Are you accusing Uhuru of not supporting the Orange campaign? This is an individual who not only spent his own resources in campaigns, but also put his own career in the line and you are now talking of reluctance in the campaign simply because some TWO whole years later, he refused to support the candidate you stupidly imagine was annointed by God and should therefore have been supported by all. I mean, how dumber can it get? This is about a budget that has been hailed by every objective commentator out there as the best possible in the prevailing economic circumstances, and you are here stuck in your stupendous obsession with ODMoronship. I mean, should Uhuru defect to ODM for his proposals to sound plausible to you?

Now out of the blues you romp in Kalonzo Musyoka into stuff that has absolutely nthing to do with him. You seem hurt by the fact that he sat on the Leader of Government Business chair. In your small head, who do you suppose should have sat there? Jakoyo Midiwo? Let me tell you, and this is for free, he is going to continue to sit there as the constitutionally appointed representative of the President (the head of government) until such a time when the Attorney General or the High Court interpretes the constitution otherwise. Your little "leaks" in 2008 about how Kibaki was to appoint a new Veep are still fresh in our minds. Kalonzo is going to be YOUR (unless you go back to SOUTHERN SUDAN) Vice President for the whole Parliamentary term. As for the PNU's Presidential torch bearer, neither he nor Uhuru Kenyatta will be the PNU's candidate because they are not members of that party. This is not exactly rocket science is it? And in any case what has this got to do with the budget? Hellooo!

Mwambu said...

Au contraire, Uhuru is not going to last very long at Finance because once the envelope reaches Ocampo's hand at The Hague, Uhuru will find himself comfortably ensconced in the cell right across from Charles Taylor, due to UK's passionate support of ethnic cleansing in the PEV of early 2008.

JEFF said...


You should be celebrating, as i did last evening. That's why i could not reply to your comments earlier.

Uhuru's budget has been hailed as historical, a masterpiece, even by some of the die hard ODMorons. For the first time, funds have been allocated equally to all 210 constituencies. This goes to show that devolution can be achieved without putting paper to pen. Actually, this is revolutionary. The issue of systems is something that can be worked out.

We all know the thinking in ODM. ODM has always been about power and position, at whatever cost!

They insist that they cannot deliver service without getting certain positions, that a new constitution is all we need to solve all our problems, that only certain people have the 'right' leadership credentials.

Uhuru has obviously busted this myth, and i can understand why you are not happy with this status of affairs. What is ODM going to be talking about?

Now, whether it is bribery or not, the MPs have more funds at their disposal. Will they blame Uhuru if they don't deliver?

As for DNA issues, i once worked with this guy who married a new wife every year after getting a salary increment. I hope MPs from a certain region do no create harems, what with the $$$$$$ now entrusted to them by Uhuru!

JEFF said...


As for the appearance at the bench.... while the other does it at the Fair View Hotel, i do mine at Kosewe, where the price is still right. Why don't you give a date....

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