Lost My Mind

It's like I don’t care anymore … feels like am somewhere past redemption line, where nothing matters besides been alive. But I know why, its coz I lost my mind. I was to go and seek help but somewhere on my way there I turned and went back to the stage into a matatu back home coz I lost my mind.

Was to go to school but I went on a drinking spree with my buddies where we drunk and enjoyed all my school fees. When I went back home to my parents after all the money was over and I was totally broke with only ten shillings in my hand … I was told to look for a job coz they were done with me. But I know why I did all that; its coz I lost my mind kitambo.

Years later I went to school. As a matter of fact I never did any school work. The time around the exam period I would somehow get access to exams … but at the end of it all I still failed my exams. But then I know why, a lost mind can’t pass exams. But because I had to feel good about myself I somehow managed to get papers that showed I passed my exams. I approached a few loosers here and there and at the end of it I had my ‘good’ papers. But I know why, even them loosers lost their minds a long time ago.

Back in my village we sat next to the hut talking politics and how we need different leaders and how our lives would be the best with good leaders. How we will turn to be good business people and have a lot of money. How our village that is full of huts will turn to be a big estate if one of our own will be in parliament. At the same time we hating on those in parliament and of coz with good reasons. But somehow 10yrs down the road, we still at the same place. But I know why; we lost our minds a long time ago.

Couple of years later on am the fortunate one to represent my village in parliament. But first things first … my family and I move from the bad surrounding (where I have grown up and lived for like the last 40yrs) to a posh estate in Nairobi. Collected as much as I could for myself while in office and before I knew it another general election was around the corner. To save my ass because I knew my people back in the village will replace me … I take a few kids to school for free and build a big social hall and put entertainment equipment they have not seen and some lies here and there. And of coz am back in parliament. But I know why this happened; we all lost our minds decades ago.

In my day to day hassles, I made many friends. Some very close friends … may be too close. Others very good advisers and business partners. Others are more than friends, much more than friends. But somewhere down the road I screwed up and they don’t wanna talk to me or have anything to do with me. What they don’t understand is that I lost my mind and am struggling to have it back.

I have done many other nasty things but you all know why.

The good news is I want my mind back for the sake of my family and my country. All these selfish years have done me no good. Things have gotten much worse and they eating me too. I don’t want my children growing up in this kind of environment. A decaying social environment … a false political environment … a low economic environment.

This time around I will seek help coz I need it badly … I will not shy away afraid of what others will say or think. I will think of my family and the kind of influence I want them to have. For the sake of my kids and my other half I will do all to get better.


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