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Saturday, November 08, 2008

Lost My Mind

It's like I don’t care anymore … feels like am somewhere past redemption line, where nothing matters besides been alive. But I know why, its coz I lost my mind. I was to go and seek help but somewhere on my way there I turned and went back to the stage into a matatu back home coz I lost my mind.

Was to go to school but I went on a drinking spree with my buddies where we drunk and enjoyed all my school fees. When I went back home to my parents after all the money was over and I was totally broke with only ten shillings in my hand … I was told to look for a job coz they were done with me. But I know why I did all that; its coz I lost my mind kitambo.

Years later I went to school. As a matter of fact I never did any school work. The time around the exam period I would somehow get access to exams … but at the end of it all I still failed my exams. But then I know why, a lost mind can’t pass exams. But because I had to feel good about myself I somehow managed to get papers that showed I passed my exams. I approached a few loosers here and there and at the end of it I had my ‘good’ papers. But I know why, even them loosers lost their minds a long time ago.

Back in my village we sat next to the hut talking politics and how we need different leaders and how our lives would be the best with good leaders. How we will turn to be good business people and have a lot of money. How our village that is full of huts will turn to be a big estate if one of our own will be in parliament. At the same time we hating on those in parliament and of coz with good reasons. But somehow 10yrs down the road, we still at the same place. But I know why; we lost our minds a long time ago.

Couple of years later on am the fortunate one to represent my village in parliament. But first things first … my family and I move from the bad surrounding (where I have grown up and lived for like the last 40yrs) to a posh estate in Nairobi. Collected as much as I could for myself while in office and before I knew it another general election was around the corner. To save my ass because I knew my people back in the village will replace me … I take a few kids to school for free and build a big social hall and put entertainment equipment they have not seen and some lies here and there. And of coz am back in parliament. But I know why this happened; we all lost our minds decades ago.

In my day to day hassles, I made many friends. Some very close friends … may be too close. Others very good advisers and business partners. Others are more than friends, much more than friends. But somewhere down the road I screwed up and they don’t wanna talk to me or have anything to do with me. What they don’t understand is that I lost my mind and am struggling to have it back.

I have done many other nasty things but you all know why.

The good news is I want my mind back for the sake of my family and my country. All these selfish years have done me no good. Things have gotten much worse and they eating me too. I don’t want my children growing up in this kind of environment. A decaying social environment … a false political environment … a low economic environment.

This time around I will seek help coz I need it badly … I will not shy away afraid of what others will say or think. I will think of my family and the kind of influence I want them to have. For the sake of my kids and my other half I will do all to get better.


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24 comments:

  1. Sayra,

    I don't get you. you lost your mind?? I am not usually a critical person but i don't understand what you are trying to say here.
    No offence, if your mind is still not quite, we have our own Dr Murinho here in Kumekucha.

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  2. vikii, what do you mean you too?

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  3. in simple words we have messed up at some point in our lives but we have come to realize our mistakes and hopefully turn an already bad situation into a positive one...that's what i feel the author is trying to say...we are trying to change

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  4. clearly

    literature was a subject lost on many

    UrXlnc

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  5. Anon 12:30, if that is the case, the author need some writing skills lesson. the article is very poorly written. one simple word TASTELESS!

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  6. UrXlnc, Thank YOU.

    Taabu, losing to Arsenal need not make U go underground. As a sportsman myself, I learnt long time ago that winning (when playing against Chris' mediocre team) and losing (when playing those hardcore and experienced mababi) is part of the game. Of course in our days, Kivuitu was never the REF.

    Asiye kubaki kushindawa sio mshindani.

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  7. Literature was lost to many--including Vikii. That's all am trying to say.

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  8. Wasee swali,

    Ni nini hamshiki? nita-explain kiroho safi.

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  9. Poetic!

    I understand your message.

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  10. Just a thought:

    ....Kenyans need to wise up. Look at the furore nationwide here over Barack Obama.

    .....But if Obama had been just the same intelligent, talented person, with the same parents, but if he were a Kenyan and not an American, and if he’d stood for election in Murang’a, he couldn’t even get elected as a councillor...

    How true as we continue to live a national lie?

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  11. Anon 4:03

    in the event you are not the original author, its proper to give credit where due

    follow this link for the full text

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  12. Anon 4.03, Murang'a had a democratically Luo councillor for many years until he died few years ago. and he was elected by ahead of local candidates.

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  13. Michelle Obama is freaking ugly!

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  14. Question: When do you mistake a patch work of words for poetry? English language has never been liberally abused.

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  15. Could this be W.K Ruto..his boy was chased out of high school by fellow students..coz walikuwa wamemngojea tu afanyie mtu madharau...hos daughter has transfered from uni coz of security fears..and chopped heads are being thrown into his compound......worse more..hi is westward bound to u knaw where..........................the HAGUE ..yes

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  16. there is a fresh breath of literature allure in Kumekucha.
    this is a good article that clearly depicts our somewhat rotten society with leaders and electorate that has lost their mind. its also a good break from all the fights we have had with Taabu/Phil axis 'politically correct' posts here at KK.

    keep up pal.

    Taabus mistress

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  17. Sayra,

    Well written.

    I can't believe there are some who don't get it? No wonder we spend so much time and energy here in KK arguing with morons. Kumbe wako wengi!

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  18. this is good literary writing;
    a pity that some people's 8-4-4 education was wasted ask for refunds

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  19. When the madness of an entire nation disturbs a solitary mind, it is not enough to say the man is mad or ask why Sayra lost her mind.

    Since last year to this November many of us ,especially those residing in Kenya, have lost their minds for one reason or another. I agree there are some among us ( mostly our political leaders and their boot lickers) who didn’t, the best answer as to why they didn’t lost theirs is that they didn’t have one at all.

    Anyway, Sayra, the fact you lost your mind is past: history something beyond your reach. No matter what you do, you cant reverse or otherwise change history. Why worry about something you have no control of? So let bygones be bygones. Let go of the past, but keep the LESSONS. Whatever lesson you've learned will be of utmost importance to the fulfillment of your goals in the future. These lessons are your mentors that may sometimes teach you the hard way; but nevertheless, success comes to those who are willing to take the risk and pay the price for their actions.

    The fact that, at present, you want to find your mind is Good news . The present moment is the right time to ACT and find it now.
    All in all I strongly believe, What your are craving for is change, it is by changing your life you can control your future. If You really Want to Change Your Life then Change Your Thoughts. How and what you think creates your life, from how your feel to what manifests physically in your life. Your career, your health, your relationships and more are shaped by your thoughts. I'm not saying that there aren't outside influences that also have impact, but why not take control where you can, in your thoughts?
    Anyway that is my take and wish you the best.

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  20. Path@3:46PM

    Sayra did not lose her mind!

    I give up!

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  21. from the number of comments this post has got, it clearly shows that we have lots of ground to cover as far as analytical skills are concerned in KK. what happened to literature we learnt on figurative speech, satire etc that books like Government Inspector were based on?

    like @Joe, i also throw in the towel (hope no one will ask me where the towel is...)

    jeez!!!!


    Taabus Mistress

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  22. Thanx Sayra, for a very interesting post that has KK hawks confused and running round in circles...

    hehehehehehehe.

    -Kumekucha-

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  23. Chris,

    Umepotea sana ... ur silence is soo loud.

    Hope your back from wherever.

    Good to see you & thanx.

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