Kenya’s peaceful there-is-no-problem elections…

…Only challenges that have been overcome

Endebess constituency deputy returning officer opening the briefcase containing the disputed results at the OCPD office, Kitale. In this particular criminal case, one of the major presidential candidates had been given 61,000 votes against a total of 29,000 registered voters for Endebess constituency.

The returning officer was arrested yesterday. However, the police aided her escape at 4am this morning. The RO has since gone underground.
Get more details HERE 

There are many instances yesterday and today when I have had déjà vu moments and imagined myself back in 2008.

You will remember that year when Kenya was burning with thousands (the official government figures stubbornly remained in the hundreds) of innocent people killed, raped and injured African leaders rushed to Nairobi to try and help. When they arrived the official government position was that these busy people had come to Kenya to have a cup of tea. Yep. That’s all. There was really no problem and things were super fine in Kenya.

Flash forward to March 2013 and there is really no problem in Kenya, is there? Apart from a few sore losers complaining when they have sensed defeat early.

Sample the following;

•    A deliberate concerted effort was made to ensure that the presidential results were tallied and announced first to avoid the tension that build up in 2008. And yet on this Thursday evening after Kenyans voted, most results for governors, senators etc are out but the presidential ones are still not. Maybe tomorrow or perhaps Monday if the worst comes to the worst. But hey there is no problem in Kenya that is within the law (stipulates that results must be released within 7 days) and we love peace and those minor “challenges” are not things you point out when you want to maintain the peace.

•    There are a handful of constituencies countrywide where the votes cast were more than the registered voters. Take the ongoing case of Endebes (see picture), 61,000 votes on favour of one presidential candidate were discovered. The returning officer was arrested yesterday but disappeared from police custody in the early hours of this morning. But hey I must have missed the fact that those Endebes votes were NOT counted in the final tally so there is really no problem with the Kenya elections.

•    One of the leading coalitions submitted a protest in writing citing several grounds and duly signed to the IEBC with but this evening the IEBC chairman had a press conference and said that he had NOT received any complaints reminding those with issues to put it in writing. So there is really no problem with the Kenya elections we love peace and we do not need any hate speech to disturb the peace.

•    The results that were beamed to Kenyans since Monday evening which this blogger fell for and even started looking for reasons as to why one of the candidates was suddenly so surprisingly popular (I speculated that he had really endeared himself to the youth) were quietly abandoned after what the IEBC chairman told Kenyans was a technical hitch with the servers. Those results, several eagle-eyed Kenyans noticed were a statistical impossibility. How does one of the candidates totals increase progressively by an exact percentage, consistently and constantly between the 600,000 mark up to the 2.7 million mark? But hey, sh** happens and there is always a first in human history. After all there was a time dangerously recently) when people were convinced that mechanical flight by humans was impossible. What is a statistical impossibility compared to that? And so there is absolutely no problem with the Kenyan elections.

•    Almost 300,000 was the number of rejected votes when the IEBC was using the electronic tallying system as the votes counted hit the 5million mark, a BIG number. But when IEBC switched to a manual tallying system the total number of rejected votes was 39000 at the 4.6million mark. Where did all those spoilt votes go? Some enemies of peace in Kenya claim that the final tally of rejected votes compared to the electronic reports is more proof that a virus was indeed manipulating the rejected votes tally. But the IBEC chairman has assured Kenyans that the story of hacking and viruses is NOT true. “Rumours” he called them and we believe him and that is why you need to know that there is no problem with the Kenyan elections. What problem?

•    There is a major blackout on any substantial news on the elections in Kenya. What we are getting on our TV sets are just results and more results. Including the kind of statistical results that others would laugh at us for swallowing hook line and sinker without noting anything amiss. But that is exactly what peace loving Kenyans want. And so this blogger joins millions of others Kenyans to tell the whole world including Kenyans scattered in every corner of the globe that there is absolutely NO problem with the Kenyan elections. Despite all these points which are the work of an inciter (who else would use their brain to think about such things when they know how Kenyans slaughtered each other in 2008) I again emphasize for the umpteenth time that there is no problem in Kenya and certainly there is no problem with our super free and super fair elections. Just ignore sore losers whose sell by date has arrived and they are yet to realize.

Yes, this was penned by Kumekucha himself, and NO you are not reading the wrong blog. And NO he was NOT paid by any of the presidential candidates. If you think that Kumekucha sounded scared writing this post, you might just be right and you might want to read what he has to say about this issue privately when he is not scared.

Political Obituary 2013: Complete Revised Edition

By KK Blogger

As Kenyans painfully and anxiously wait to see who between Uhuru or Raila is send down crashing, the voters have not disappointed by once again embarrassing notable political faces in the five-year ritual.

While some of us are still waiting for the Uhuru Shocker to sink in or evaporate, whichever comes first, the following towering political giants have a lot in common courtesy of the electorate.

So-called seasoned political heavyweights lost both their mass and pedigree. Here is a short list of the voters obituary so far:

Octagarians William Ntimama and Henry Kosgey: wise men who should have figured out when to let the younger generation take over the chase in the latest hunt in his own backyards.

Charity Ngilu, a presidential contender that never was to begin with, and known to blame her former political rivals for everything that seemed to go wrong in her malfunctioned camp.

Ali Chirau Mwakwere, the self-proclaimed whale that survived the last beaching but went on and mistook an artificial lagoon for the barrier reefs, where he ended up being swallowed by a talented homegrown catfish.

Gitobu Imanyara, ended up accepting the fact that being forced to face Mt. Kenya was not a bad idea after all, despite of the great odds and bright sunrays that have continued to melt ice from most peaks.

Samuel Poghisio, thought he had it cushioned and made for another ten years, but was unaware that the county grazing grounds were far large and diverse than those in his former constituency. What did him in and hastened his demise was the fact he had failed to he needed to make sure that people who don't own planes or rent helicopters, deserve to have better rural access roads and bridges, among other very basic services in the last ten years.

Chris Okemo, swallowed more ngenge that he could chew, given his pending legal problems and pressures derived form fears of being extradited to a foreign court system to face justice.

Cyrus Jirongo, a man with the largest war chest worth billions shillings could not manage to convince his people to help him take one of the regional bull fighter by the horns.

Nicholas Biwott, fails to understand that his region, people and rest of the country has made great strides since 1992 and 2002, one of the reasons he will now be remembered as 'a man who got totaled at the polls' when he least expected it.

Mukhisa Kituyi, is man known to have come from far, don't forget to check out a 1989 photo of him taken at Hillcrest Hotel, at a time when was still working for ACTION AID. He should have known better and avoided wrangling it out with a formidable opponent like Musa Wetangula.

Musikari Kombo, was best suited for the elders' council but refused to join his villagers and clansmen due to lack of humility. He still views himself as a king and champion who helped win the political battles that were fought during the early-mid 1990s. Very few of his own trusted people are still afraid of reminding him that he considered as a man whose time evaporated long time ago.

Chris Murungaru, there is very little to talk about the man because the latest humiliating defeat at the polls speaks volumes.

Amos Kimunya, seem to have never gotten the memo that "he must go" and stay away from active politics forever. The bullfighter had tried to gore him several years ago but the establishment prevailed by helping him retain his portfolio at the time.

The list goes on where many more political giants have either bitten the dust or are in the process of be floored by newcomers whose names were relatively unknown two years ago.

Stay tuned as more prominent motor-mouths kiss the political dust.