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Monday, April 23, 2012

Secrets Behind Bizarre Gitobu Imanyara Carjacking

Some people seem to think that Gitobu Imanyara’s harrowing experience the other day in the hands of hoodlums who threatened him was a joke. After all politicians claim all the time that their lives are in danger.

However there are two details (stranger than fiction) in the Gitobu Imanyara saga that makes it stand out and indeed very scary to Kenyans who are sensitive to these things.

The first is that the whole incident took place just a few metres from the precincts of State house Nairobi.

Secondly the bizarre instructions that the legislator was given. That is to face Mount Kenya and utter the words; “Uhuru tuko Pamoja.” Why face Mount Kenya? Why utter those particular words? Why three times?

The whole of the area surrounding State house Nairobi is a high security zone and understandably so. You don’t move around in that area armed to the teeth, let alone carjack a legislator and ask him to kneel on the road while you casually threaten him. That is plain insanity. Unless of course you were for some reason not scared of the presidential security detail. Now under what circumstances would you not be worried about the presidential security detail? Kindly chew on that, digest and then figure it out for yourself.

The facing Mount Kenya business has a lot of significance also.

Those who have read my landmark book “Dark Secrets of the Kenyan Presidency” (Go to THIS page and scroll down to the bottom to get your free copy of the book in your email today) will know that the founding father of the nation was raised by a famous medicine-man. This was after he lost both his parents at a tender age.

Magana (the name of that witchdoctor) told Kenyatta when he was very young that he was destined to be a very famous leader one day. He also told the youngster that his leadership was tied to Mount Kenya and that when the time came some sacrifices would be required on that mountain. That is why Kenyatta stuck to traditional beliefs all his life and he believed Mount Kenya was a sacred mountain. And this is one of the reasons why he wrote the book Facing Mount Kenya. The rest of this bizarre story is in my book including the sacrifice that is said to have been made on that mountain for the Jomo Kenyatta presidency.

Fast forward to the presidential elections of 2002 and sacrifices were again made on Mount Kenya on behalf of the presidential candidate Uhuru Kenyatta.

I will not go further in explaining the full spiritual implications of these actions because it is my firm belief that my readers cannot handle it. However what I can confidently reveal to you here and now is that we are already in the season of witchdoctors and withcraft. A vast majority of politicians right across the political divide have already consulted witchdoctors or will do so in the next few weeks and months. Presidential candidates may even find that the witchdoctors in the country are not powerful enough and will seek outside ones most notably in countries like Tanzania, Nigeria and India.

The bizarre Gitobu Imanyara incident is just a tip of the iceberg. All over the country as you read this, politicians even very well educated chaps are visiting these strange places and these full grown men are doing all kinds of bizarre things in the name of winning the forthcoming polls. Repeating words and phrases three times or seventy seven times. Having sex with corpses or old women etc. We are in campaign season and what is even more worrying is that it may end up being a very prolonged campaign season.

I have just released the most explosive raw notes I have penned in a very long times. Get free samples of past raw notes at


Anonymous said...

Whoever did this had the sole motive of soiling Uhuru's name and gain political mileage. I suspect it must have been someone in ODM desparate on getting the Meru vote.

Anonymous said...

So easy for some of us to exclaim, 'wow! What a harrowing experience that it was' or 'never was in the first place.'

However there are those among us who are willing to give Gitobu Imanyara the benefit of the doubt as to whether the alleged incident was deliberate or not.

Although, Imanyara is the one who cried "hyena" (wolf) in the first place, he has yet to provide evidentiary proof or determination of evidence that the alleged night raiders were either the usual spotted hyenas or the unusual (rare) striped hyenas, before the government can be held reponsible for failing keep its end of the 2008 political bargain with regard to parens patriae.

All things taken into account, wise old Gitobu Imanyara seems to have fallen from the political frying pans of the 1980s/90s politics right into the oath taking fires administered by unknown menacing night raiders of the lost customs and traditions that were once held near the top of one of Africa's highest mountains.

Vintage Imanyara may have just graduated from being followed by unmarked CID white saloon vehicles, only to enter into a very unknown scary realm (personal chapter of his life) where he will now being haunted by purveyors of an ancient oath of allegiance to a stagnate higher geographic entity, which will be designated as Mount Kenya for the time being.

But many among us would like to know what did Imanyara do about it? What is he going to do about it now that he has had a firsthand encounter with the night raiders and ancient givers of the deadly mountain oath?

Will he try and exploit for the sake of trying to gain some much needed political mileage in the during the election season?

Or will he take the matter seriously and do something about it on behalf of the public that may fallen victim to the same attacks in coming months?

And what can anyone, including the minister of internal security do about the alleged threats and attacks, when the likes of Imanyara, Midiwo, et al, keep expecting the worst ('is yet to come') and by their own expectations invite the worst to happen in the hopes that they will be able to turn around and point accusing fingers (of "I told you so") at those in charge of internal security as well as the skeptics in our midst?

FunKenya.COM has said it all, do some of us need to say more?

Anonymous said...

Did Imanyara really hear the right voices utter those very words? You be the judge.

'My name is Chacki Pauri. Now say "Uhuru Tuko Pamocha."
Or was it, "My name is Njagi Mbauli. Now say "Uhulu Tungo Pamonja."

Or he did mistake his nightmarish dream for what he really thought occurred to him on that night?

There will no need for the jury to be out on this one based on the evidence at hand and eye-witness accounts.

Anonymous said...

Chris, even to you this is lowering your standards too low. So between Mudavadi explosive story that you decided to bury in 'not free' raw notes and Imanyara's late night incident 'no witness' incident, you choose to go with the clowns allegations and cast aside Mudavadi-Raila feud that has thrown 2012 elections into a total spin????

But since this is Chris thingie, nita do!!

Anonymous said...

the same reasons u give to convince that allegations are true are the same reasons hat makes gitobu's story very untrue!

Anonymous said...

Who is it that is famous for having said, The capitalists have to be frightened. There is no laternative. They can't just dispose people as they will. They have to be held accountable by all means necessary?

Yet several years later, the same individual still has millions well stored in personal accounts that belong to five or six international banks owned by the very capitalists who were accused for disposing people as they wish.

It goes without saying that it's the people who were disposed by the individual bent on frightening the capitalists after the bid for the presidency failed.

The people are still poor, they are still being disposed by the capitalistic mechanisms put in place to make more money for the lucky few, that is what business is all about, otherwise profits would not be made.

And above all, very little has yet to be done to make sure financial institutions are held accountable.

The more things change, the more remain the same.

Anonymous said...

Kibaki's adminstration will never be blamed for ever engaging in another "another denial of freedom in Kenya" or for being "an intolerant government that does not hesitate to shut down the boldest voice for free personal expression and drama in the country."

What did Gitobu Imanyara imagine that he would end up gaining from the theatrical perfromance of 'Face Mount Kenya Or Else'?

The parliament may have been the best arena for such personal dramatic outbursts, but will it really translate into more votes for him in the coming elections, given that he's bound to one of the toughest political fight of his life?

In the meantime, the public or rather "outsiders" would have expected to find good primary schools, secondary schools, hospitals, shopping centers, people's markets, industries and rural access roads in Central Imenti region by now, instead of time wasting personal drama presentations in parliament.

Unfortunately, time wasted on personal dramas is another of many denials of economic development opportunities for the people of Central Imenti Constituency.

M. Pesa said...

The elections are still a long way ahead yet we have these bizarre rituals, murder plots and other funny conspiracy theories being floated about by wild politicians as they about sowing their political wild oats. By the time we hit August, Kenyans will be sick and tired of all the politicking going on. It will be hard for these tiresome politicians who are dancing themselves lame before the main event to keep that lead on opinion polls and this is where the "unknown unknowns" like Prof Ole Kiyiapi might just sneak in.

I was watching this charismatic Kenyan being interviewed on live TV this morning (Citizen) and wondered why we Kenyans keep electing thieves, crooks, liars and cheats who happen to be tribal bigots in place of the likes of Ole Kiyiapi, the late Wangari Maathai among others. What's so fascinating about these overnight billionaires some who would idle around "jobless corner" outside Hilton just some few years back.

Ole Kiyiapi was even candid enough to declare his wealth to all Kenyans, he's still renting in the city (lucky me at least I have a mortgage) and just bought a car the other day which he's still paying for among other interesting revelations. Now, just imagine someone like Saitoti declaring his wealth on live TV and telling us how he made all his billions!

I think Kenyans are at a crossroad. We either elect someone like Ole Kiyiapi who means well for this nation or the usual crooks who are promising to unleash hell if they are not elected. Personally I'm not saying I will automatically vote Ole Kiyiapi, but I wish more honest guys like him would come forward so we can have a wide selection. I believe it's time for Kenyans to be very angry this year with the usual order of things and start thinking outside the box- and not what tribe so and so represents!


Anonymous said... should have just gone ahead and replaced Jack Bauer's head with that of his former Kenyan counterpart, the infamous interogator based within the notorious underground chambers of Nyayo House? He was a senior suprintendent of police discipline who was better known by the nickname "Macho-4-Oyoipo".

Anonymous said...

Sisi ni Jeshi la Mzee. Sasa sema, "KANU juu. KANU ya tawala. KANU juu."

One Kenyan professor could not have put it any better, that not "most of them" but all of the current presidential contenders "are former regime elements with deep connection to the repressive Kanu state."

Claiming to be political leader of this tribe or that tribe during every election season is audacious and preposterous, yet that is exactly what the former Kanu regime elements are busy doing as the general election draws near.

So many of them who happen to be current tribal chiefs and tribal election warlords, enjoyed unigue relationships with the former dictator who still roams freely around the country thanks to a well developed network of informants, insiders and associates who have continued to protect his personal, business and political interests.

The choice is for the people to make if they want to experience any long term progress in the country.

The people's choice will save the day and save country from another
decade of wasted opportunities.

Politics of tribal mobilisation for the express benefit of the tribal elite (groupings of tribal chiefs).
Ideologically driven political parties with issue oriented political platforms.

The choice is ours, we the people will soon have to decide our political fate and medicine for the next decade.

Anonymous said...

They can threaten all kenyans as they wish.what remains constant is the hague cloud hanging on them.watado?

Anonymous said...

There was nothing explosive nor daring about Mudavadi's
last minute ditch effort of party swapping maneuver. The same can be said of Balala.

The man has always been known to be a turncoat, because his personal affiliations and political dealings since the nineteen eighties speak for themselves.

So, if he does not want to be in or with the party that gave him a political lifeline and wide platform on April 2008, so be it. GOOD RIDDENCE!

It's his personal political choice (call it "move"), and let him go where he has always wanted to be but never had the vision, guts nor the fortitude to do so in the first place, let alone in the course of the last four to three years.

Anyway, he's now free to transfar whatever remains of his political assets and available expertise to any party that will be eager to welcome him with open arms as well as offer him one of the highest seats in the house at this stage of the election game, Kenyan style.

Backflipping political hamsters (former VPs) are not suitable presidential material.

As N.T. Wright proclaims, "The road to the inheritance, the path to glory (the two are now, at last, seen to be more or less synonymous) lies along the road of suffering."

By no fault of his own, Mudavadi has never suffered in any way, shape or form since the day he gained admission to his former primary school thanks to his family upbringing.

So he has always expected everything to be given to him on a silver platter or else he throws his usual political temper tantrums as was the case when he nearly missed out on being appointed VP some long, long, long time ago. Enough said.

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