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Friday, April 10, 2009

Different Spys At Kumekucha

I sincerely hope that you are enjoying your Easter holidays immensely. I would not dream of spoiling it with some hot breaking news that will worry you (I leave that to Tuesday). And so I have decided to talk about the interesting characters who regularly pass by at this site (some of them literally live here and I am totally charmed that they should find this such a cozy home)

Here at Kumekucha we have various ways of being able to tell where comments come from and so let me share with you the different types of commentators we have here (based on my insider info).


The Serious Diasporan
The group I love most. These guys love their country, some of them so much that I have often felt envious. They are always annoyed at the fact that this blog sometimes has too many abusive comments. It irks them that a discussion on the future of the motherland should be turned into a joke or a mchongoano (abuses) contest between Luos and Kikuyus. Many of them have written to me and on two occasions I have given some of them (whom I knew from before and trusted) the opportunity to help me solve the comments problem. Only then have they been able to empathize with my situation.


The Diasporan seeking Entertainment
Life out there in the Diaspora is not totally a bed of roses, as most Kenyan believe. You really miss home more so if you are totally stressed with your job or studies. And so some folks have to “let off steam” by seeking some hilarious entertainment. Many of them find it in the comments area of this blog. Hence you will see Taabu’s mistress, Phil’s mistress etc. This is a tricky group because some of them spoil the blog with their “extreme French” if you know what I mean while others make this place so entertaining that when I am low I usually come here to read the comments and within no time I am guaranteed to be rolling on the floor with laughter, tears streaming out of my eyes.

The Intelligence Community
Many, many readers of this blog do NOT believe that this group exists here. When I first pointed it out in 2005 many dismissed it as a figment of my imagination. Today I have plenty of evidence to prove that not only do they leave comments here but they monitor this blog religiously (and send out reports). Many times they step in to do damage control when it looks like we will frustrate their objectives with the information we give here. Like recently when some people were determined that nobody should take Paul Muite seriously when he says his life is in danger. Actually Muite has shut down the Kwekwe squad with his utterances (at least momentarily). My only fear is that some other interests may still carry out hits and make them look like Kwekwe.


There are other fascinating groups like what I would call Jeshi la mzee who always heckle on behalf of their “employers” and then there are the locals who seek inside information among other groups of commentators.

Those my friends are the people who make this place so addictive.

Do have a happy Easter folks but please make sure you are NOT flat broke by the time Tuesday comes.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

The Cold Nairobi Nights

The nights in Nairobi can be really cold.

Many nights in this capital I go to sleep at around ten and crawl under my covers when the temperatures are still pretty sweet. In fact, I'm into this habit of staying outdoors to suck in the sensuous air with my rambunctious sons. They've fallen deeply in love with the land of their father.

What I always find shocking is the heat of the day. Look, I just came back from Indiana and shouldn't have to complain about the swinging temperatures in these equatorial lands, but I do, man. That said, I still love Kenya better. The weather here is fantastic, the food is awesome and the people are so sweet.

Today as I walked down Koinange Street and had to get into a store/shop to escape the heat, I thought of the erratic Kibaki leadership. We have been through a perpetual ride that takes us high then low. What has been noticeable through this man's cursed presidency is that the nation is only cool when others make it so. What would have have happened had Raila not taken a bullet in his chest for Kenya after the stolen elections? Indeed, what good have we seen in this nation where Kibaki acted alone?

All I'm saying tonight, as you take this Easter break, is that we are tired of the now-cold now-hot Kibaki presidency. Can't this man from Othaya ever make it cool for a prolonged period of time.

Make Kenya cool, man!

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Is Paul Muite’s Life Really In Danger?

I sat there frightened, lonely and confused in a foreign country away from home and felt completely and utterly defeated.

All these emotions had been caused by two simple questions I had been asked in response to my claim that my life was in danger back home in Kenya. The questions were; How do you know? And who wants to kill you? Although I had enough evidence (including emails) to prove what I was saying, I realized then how difficult it is for anybody to prove that their life is in danger. My situation was complicated by the fact that I always instinctively protect my sources of information and sometimes even go out of my way to disguise the direction in which my info came from. So as I listend to myself talk I knew how unconvincing I must have sounded.

Paul Muite: Running scared

Yesterday a frightened-looking Paul Muite held a press conference to tell the world that his life was in danger. But he went beyond that and named his world-be assassins. And in an even more drastic move he has written to the UN’s International Criminal Court (ICC) in The Hague, asking them to investigate and prosecute President Kibaki over extra-judicial killings.

The question on the minds of most Kenyans is whether Muite is simply playing politics or his life is indeed in great danger? Actually to cut a long story short, Muite has cleverly moved very fast to save his life as his fears are fully justified according to my sources.

In fact if you carefully examine Muite’s actions you will quickly realize that they are the actions of a man who seriously fears for his life? What would you do if you got information to the effect that some people take your life? You would blow the whistle (this often scares off the would-be assassins) and then you would try and get on the offensive against the people. Now Muite’s move of going after the president is both interesting and instructive.

Sample the following. The Kwekwe squad is a professional hit squad and there is a very visible pattern in the way they operate in the executions they have so far been suspected of carrying out. The truth is that assassinating people is NOT as simple as it looks in the movies. You need lots of intelligence information on their movements, habits and so on to carry out a successful hit. No hit-man can afford to botch a hit. The interesting thing here is that the Kwekwe squad gets all its’ intelligence from the NSIS (National Security Intelligence Services). Now we all know that the NSIS reports to only one person, namely the highest authority in the land. Jijazie (fill in the dots).

There is yet another reason why Muite is NOT joking about his life being in danger. Some weeks ago I was informed about an alleged Kwekwe squad hit list (the list is in my raw notes) that consisted of a few prominent names mainly in civil society. Muite’s name was NOT on the list, however when you look at most of the names on my earlier list and then add Muite’s there is something in common that immediately emerges. Amazingly most of the people on the list are a threat to national security in the sense that their activities are bound to split the Kikuyu vote and thus frustrate plans of the executive and those close to him to secure their future by influencing succession politics and the next occupant of State House.


Related articles;

Major assassinations in Kenya that had “threat to national security” written all over them

How Standard raid was plotted and executed from State House Nairobi

Constantly Blundering NSIS?


Possible useful information

Have you dropped your laptop? Is it overheating? Do you suspect the hard drive has crashed?

Coalition Troubles In Kenya: What Next?

Press Statement From ODM About Kilaguni

There is plenty of evidence to suggest that Mwai Kibaki sees himself as another Jomo Kenyatta. Cool and calm and collected amidst all kinds of troubles and crisis that are inevitable for a president to encounter regularly. A classic example is during the post election troubles. President Kibaki was calm and asleep as the country burned and was only nudged half awake when calls started coming in from the White House and State department. In fact he even instructed his cabinet ministers to play down the crisis by telling the press those early peace negotiators, Desmond Tutu and former president of Ghana John Kufour were in the country for a cup of tea.


Then yesterday when he came back into the country there were traditional dancers to entertain him and welcome him just like it was in the Kenyatta days. Why doesn’t the government cut this useless expenditure and use the money to feed the hungry? Kenyans would faint in shock if they knew the budget used for welcoming the president back into the country yesterday after a two day trip!!! Wonders never cease in Kenya do they?

But Mwai Kibaki can never be Jomo Kenyatta because 1963 was very different from 2003. Kibaki does not have the power Kenyatta had and never will. Neither is he as cunning as Baba Uhuru was. Again Kibaki cannot arrest Raila and detain him without trial the way Kenyatta arrested and detained Raila’s dad Jaramogi Oginga Odinga.

Still there are some similarities. Kenyatta’s government murdered JM Kariuki, cutting his private parts and stuffing them in his mouth. That dramatically quieted the excitement in parliament at the time and killed the rising ambition and unrest that was brewing against the Kenyatta government. Mwai Kibaki’s government had two top officials of the Oscar Foundation gunned down in cold blood and that quieted the civil society most of whom have now gone underground and have shut their mouths tight since the incident. Nobody wants to stop a hail of bullets from the Kwekwe squad.

But I digress. What I was saying today is that when you understand how Mwai Kibaki operates and thinks, you will know that as I write this post (9:20am Kenyan time) he is most probably still asleep and life is going on in its’ normal slow pace at State House Nairobi. The man probably still believes that there will be no election until 2012. Very funny indeed because the big question now is whether we will have a country left by the time 2012 rolls up. Already it is no longer a question of if the grand coalition government will hold but one of how much longer it will hold.

Still I have to admit that the president’s handlers are extremely busy and working overtime to “read” every move of ODM and Raila Odinga and counter it quickly. Clearly they are running scared. Already the president’s men know that they have William Ruto and a handful of MPs from the Rift valley in their pockets. However they seem to ignore the fact that they have lost the biggest single political party within PNU which is Martha Karua’s Narc Kenya.

In fact one thing the press has totally missed in their reporting of the problems in the coalition government is the fact that major re-alignments that have taken place mean that it is no longer a matter of ODM versus PNU. Martha Karua is now an ODM ally while Ruto is a staunch but quiet PNU supporter. Which is just as well because Ruto and Karua seem to be sworn enemies these days.

However looking at the numbers PNU are clearly in trouble and that is why their empty threats to bring a censure motion against the Prime Minister is hilarious. This is one of the reasons why money would have started talking by now to get the necessary support in parliament, however this time round the government is terribly broke and to make matters worse Anglo Leasing funds in foreign accounts (which would have now been used) were frozen yesterday. Read the story HERE.

Actually whichever way you look at the current political crisis in Kenya, it is clear that we are headed for chaos. For starters ODM are determined that they will not play into the hands of the presidential advisors and walk out of government. Their strategy is to fight from within. And remember that the President cannot fire the Prime Minister because his office is entrenched in the constitution. And then remember that mass action (ODM’s favourite lethal weapon) is scheduled to be unleashed on hapless starving and impoverished Kenyans next week. Actually my sources tell me that ODMers came out of yesterday’s meeting ecstatic, like they had already won the long drawn out battle that is ahead of us. I think they have realized that they have Mwai Kibaki cornered and the sleeping president doesn’t even seem to know it.

Brace yourselves folks, the ride ahead is definitely going to be rocky. Very rocky.


See also: Was Karua Raped?


Kumekucha Launches Campaign

I have no idea how and when but let me assure you that elections are coming soon. Let us start thinking about how we will vote.

One of the good reasons for getting rid of all the old guys in power now is so that younger guys who are more familiar with technology can enable Kenyans to benefit from it. I will give just one example. Technology can be used very effectively to fight crime. We already have hidden cameras in town (not enough) and we already have an initiative by a private company to help people track their stolen cell phones. We also have the stalled DNA testing crime lab that is yet to be built.

However much more can still be done and only younger dot come generation Kenyans can figure this out for the country. As it is with the current jokers firmly in power, George Muhoho will always be re-appointed managing director of the Kenya Airports Authority (I mean the man is over 70 years old!!!). Are there no younger able qualified Kenyans? Besides the man does NOT need the job while many younger Kenyans do!!

As I have said here often, there is no way these old dinosaurs can give us any new ideas.

P.S. The argument I always hear is people asking what the young guys in the current political system have done. Well, the thing is they can NOT do much when the decision-making dinosaurs are still in power. We need radical surgery in Kenya. How about electing a 40 year old as President? Okay Maximum 45 years!!!?


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The Truth About Kilaguni Retreat



THE TRUTH ON THE COLLAPSE OF THE KILAGUNI TALKS
A PRESS STATEMENT FROM ODM

The ORANGE DEMOCRATIC MOVEMENT wishes to state that the Prime Minister of the Republic of Kenya, the Rt. Hon Raila Amolo Odinga (the Prime Minister), and the ODM members of the Permanent Committee on the Management of Grand Coalition Affairs (the Permanent Committee) went to Kilaguni retreat in order to identify, isolate, discuss and resolve all the issues affecting the smooth running of the Grand Coalition Government.

We did this in order to enable the country move forward. It was in recognition of the fact that without resolution of these issues, the Grand Coalition Government would not be able to deliver on the People’s Agenda set out in the National Accord. The full and faithful implementation of the National Accord, in both letter and spirit, is well over-due.

The primary purpose of the Permanent Committee is to ensure that the Grand Coalition Government can function and resolve issues within it.

Unfortunately we were not able to agree on issues for discussion; issues which had been agreed on before hand. In fact,by March 14, 2009, the Joint Secretaries had prepared a Draft Agenda, which was typed and printed by the Presidency and Cabinet Office in the Office of the President on March 14th, and which ODM tabled at Kilaguni, contained the following items for discussion:

  • President’s opening remarks
  • Prime Minister’s opening remarks
  • Minutes of Meetings held on 6th and 11th February,2009 (to be tabled)
  • Matters arising
  • Draft Terms of Reference and Working Modalities of the Permanent Committee
  • Draft Grand Coalition Agreement
  • Confidence Building within the Coalition
  • National Unity and National Cohesion Agenda
  • Issues affecting the Grand Coalition and mechanisms for resolution
  • Evaluation and monitoring of the implementation of the national accord report
  • Image building for the Grand Coalition
  • Prof. Philip Alston’s report and Institutional Reforms
  • Review of progress on the implementation of the national accord, including agenda 4
  • Collective Responsibility
  • De-politicization of the Public Service
  • Any Other Business
The PNU and their joint secretary have not denied this FACT.

At its first meeting on February 6th, 2006, the Permanent Committee had agreed that in order for the Grand Coalition to run smoothly, a Grand Coalition Agreement and Terms of Reference and working modalities for the Permanent Committee needed to be prepared.

Indeed, the Joint Secretaries researched on ,met, discussed and consulted extensively on both instruments. Draft copies of both documents were subsequently prepared and circulated to the members of the Permanent Committee by the Joint Secretaries for discussion at Kilaguni. This was done more than one week prior to the Kilaguni Retreat.

In point of fact, both PNU and ODM agreed in the Draft Terms of Reference and Working Modalities that whatever either party wanted to be on the agenda for discussion would be included for deliberation.

In addition, the permanent committee’s meetings were to be closed to non-members.

The Kilaguni discussions were scheduled to take place on Friday, April 3rd, to Sunday, April 6th, inclusive. It was agreed that apart from security, only members of the Permanent Committee plus the two Joint Secretaries, would attend the meting.

However, upon arrival at Kilaguni, the ODM team found the entire place swarming with more than one hundred officers from the Office of the President (OP). The Director of National Security Intelligence Service, the Head of Public Service, the State House Controller & Private Secretary to the President and horde of other senior officials that ought not to have be there, were brought there by PNU team. The PNU coalition also invited Hon. Mutula Kilonzo and Noah Wekesa, who are not members of the Permanent Committee, in clear breach of the Terms of Reference and Modalities already agreed upon.

To make matters worse, the PNU coalition came armed with a Draft Agenda which was different from the joint agenda that had been agreed to and distributed to members.

The ODM team requested the PNU Coalition Members of the Permanent Committee to agree for the Joint Draft Agenda to be tabled for adoption and discussion to no avail.

Upon realizing that the PNU coalition did not intend to abide by the Joint Agenda, the ODM team prepared a second draft agenda with the following items:

  • Management of the Grand Coalition
  • Membership of the Permanent Committee & setting up of the Joint Secretariat
  • Decision making and Government Communication
  • Appointments in government
  • Protocol
  • The State of the Economy
  • Security Organs
  • Implementation of the National Accord
  • Coalition Agreement (see minutes of Feb. 5th, 2009, page 3)
  • Prof. Philip Alston’s report
  • Fast Tracking Reform Agendas 1,2,3 and 4 agreed to at the Serena Talks

The ODM team then asked their PNU Coalition Partners to attend the meeting and have both Draft Agendas discussed so that an amicable decision could be made with respect of the issues of discussion but the PNU team flatly refused, insisting that it was their draft agenda or nothing.

The Prime Minister and the entire Permanent Committee went into the conference room on Saturday, April 4th, 2009 and attempted to resolve the differences without success. The Prime Minister then asked the PNU team to invite the President to come to the conference room so that all the contentious issues could be discussed and resolved. Unfortunately, the President refused to attend.

Both teams went for lunch and returned to the Conference Room with Prime Minister, hoping that the President would attend but this never happened. However after the Prime Minister asked for a brief break for consultations at about 2:30 PM, the president approached the conference room rather than stay and sit, he proceeded to a private office located on the second floor of the conference room.

Believing that the President was in the conference room ,the Prime Minister and the ODM team returned only to be met by Hons. Uhuru Kenyatta , Moses Wetangula and George Saitoti, asking the Prime Minister to go upstairs to the President.

It was at this point that the Prime Minister correctly advised the PNU team to invite the President to the conference room of the meeting. The President either refused to come down to the meeting. Instead, the PNU team started discussing “the need for an exit strategy”. They wanted the Prime Minister and the ODM team to agree to issue a Joint Press Statement in which the country was to be misled that the Kilaguni Talks had gone on well.

At about 3:30pm, the Prime Minister and the ODM team realized that neither the President nor the PNU team wanted to discuss the serious issues ailing our country. A decision was then made for the Prime Minister to return to his hotel room as both teams continued to stay in the conference room.

Barely ten minutes after the Prime Minister returned to his hotel room, the President climbed down and went back to his suite. The President did not even greet the ODM team. He passed the prime Minister’s room even without stopping to say “Jambo!”.

The meeting had collapsed!

ODM believed that we cannot have a functioning Government and Coalition without an honest recognition, isolation and resolution of the issues affecting the Grand Coalition and the country at large.

PNU, on the other hand, insists issues cannot even be discussed and that the retreat was meant as a PR exercise!


ODM is fully committed to have service delivery to all Kenyans; a serious discussion of all issues affecting the people of Kenya, particularly poverty and the state of the economy, unemployment, inequalities and inequities in resource allocation and distribution, grand corruption, extra-judicial killings, institutional reforms and legal reforms; and comprehensive constitutional review.

It is common knowledge that the National Accord provides for real power sharing in Government between President Kibaki / PNU Coalition and Prime Minister Raila Odinga / ODM. Yet one year and a half following the formation of the Grand Coalition Government, the only power that has been shared with ODM is the cabinet. President Kibaki continues to disregard the provisions of the national Accord and indeed the constitution by making major decisions affecting all Kenyans without regard to his coalition partner.

This situation must change!

We hope and expect the leaders of the PU coalition will show good faith and join us in attempting to address issues affecting our nation and people. But this must be done in full compliance with the National Accord. Reforms cannot be bought by lies, half truths, concoctions and power games by the PNU coalition.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Martha: Please Take Your Grievances to Court


Lies mutate into all forms and shapes. So Ms Martha Karua wants all and sundry to believe that her fight for reforms caused her the ministerial job? Well, may be to many Kenyans weaned on the same sumptuous plate of national lies. Otherwise it is very difficult to justify the cheap gloating and glee from people falling for her sideshow like flies attracted to fermented milk.

When you read a Kenyan gloating that Kibaki did a Bildad Kaggia on Martha then you don’t need to visit a youth centre to witness juvenile bravado. The only good thing from lies is that they are sweet to cheap ears sprouting from either side of an empty box burdening the shoulders. Well, the list is long as Wangari Maathai, Kalembe Ndile, Waruru Kanja, Munene Kairu and Bildad Kaggia would tell you.

Lies are infectious and once told, you have to invent another to cover the one before it hence forming a firm foundation of PYRAMID OF DECEPTION. Now we read about principles that are as transparent as a plastic sheet whose shape remains at the mercy of any mild source of heat. The TRUTH is Karua would be still breathing fire warming PNU belly as a Deputy Prime Minister.

Kenya WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN and anybody using the present fraudulent parameters to plan her auction will wake to the rudest of shocks. No amount of half truths peddled by playing EXPECTANT SURROGACY predatorily lying in wait for fallout will deliver.

Martha has come full circle in just 15 months. The political Paul cannot shed the Saul blood running through her veins. Make no mistake! The panic in the camp Martha left without intellectual tent is palpable. Meanwhile she is handsomely reaping the ultimate wages of sin. But it will turn really nasty when the shit finally hits the fan. Any potential political suitor is better warned that Samson at least had Delilah's BEAUTIFUL FACE as an excuse for falling short of God's glory.

Tapes don’t lie
It must be unbearably painful to put your life onto a course only to see the prize awarded to pretenders crowned as a prince. But again Martha must have seen it coming given the history of serial betrayal since 2003.

Tapes don’t lie and all the denials of inaudibility and their quality won’t wash. Martha is no fool or naive and the political pressure cooker is threatening to give in. She is acutely aware of her vulnerability and insecurity. But the gatekeepers won’t dare touch her lest the overgrown worm born in December 2007 crawl out soiling all and sundry.

A caste built of vices only becomes a fortress of serial schemers hellbent on self destruction. The big political and national bang will come fast and furious. We haven’t seen anything yet, NA BADO.


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Can We Fight Crime With Technology?

I did not want to drown Taabu's controversial post and so I have decided to add my brief post here. Besides it does NOT really warrant a new post on its' own.

One of the good reasons for getting rid of all the old guys in power now is so that younger guys who are more familiar with technology can enable Kenyans to benefit from it. I will give just one example. Technology can be used very effectively to fight crime. We already have hidden cameras in town (not enough) and we already have an initiative by a private company to help people track their stolen cell phones. We also have the stalled DNA testing crime lab that is yet to be built.

However much more can still be done and only younger dot come generation Kenyans can figure this out for the country. As it is with the current jokers firmly in power, George Muhoho will always be re-appointed managing director of the Kenya Airports Authority (I mean the man is over 70 years old!!!). Are there no younger able qualified Kenyans? Besides the man does NOT need the job while many younger Kenyans do!!

As I have said here often, there is no way these old dinosaurs can give us any new ideas.

P.S. The argument I always hear is people asking what the young guys in the current political system have done. Well, the thing is they can NOT do much when the decision-making dinosaurs are still in power. We need radical surgery in Kenya. How about electing a 40 year old as President? Okay Maximum 45 years!!!?

Monday, April 06, 2009

Martha Karua Resigns Amid Slowly Crumbling Coalition Government

Breaking News

Martha Karua has kept her word and resigned from cabinet citing her inability to do her job due to interference from her boss (the executive) and those around him.

I greatly admire this woman who has never been short of courage.

She was carjacked once in the famous father Wamugunda incident and she held her head high through the whole ordeal as the scandal broke and in the end it was the press who blinked first.

Martha Karua today joined the very short list of cabinet ministers in Kenya who have dared to resign.

Then she is also a survivor of the Busia plane crash of 2003 that killed another cabinet minister and others.

However in the latest move political analysts point to the fact that she really had no choice but to resign. What do you do when you are the justice Minister and judges are appointed and sworn in without your knowledge? Besides the timing was also extremely politically prudent because Mwai Kibaki’s government is turning out to be the most unpopular ever. Clearly fresh elections are not too far off in the horizon and those who are still hanging close to the current government will have a very hard time seeing parliament again. By resigning now Martha positions herself as a rebel, the righteous woman who could not stand the stench in the place she worked and quit in protest. She is at least sure of seeing the insides of the 11th parliament.

Unfortunately that is not the whole story. Ms Karua is still positioned prominently and clearly in the minds of most Kenyans as the legal brains behind Mwai Kibaki’s election theft of 2007. Indeed as she has pointed out several times, she stood and defended Kibaki when trouser-clad males around her were either shaking in fright under the table or peering from behind her skirts.

In fact one of the reasons she started falling out with the Kibaki regime is that she was overlooked even after the gutsy work she did and in the end the person who got appointed Prime Minsiter and heir-apparent was in fact one of those peering behind her skirt when things got pretty hot around the president last January.

Still one cannot deny the fact that Martha Karua’s resignation has had a big symbolic impact on the grand coalition government. More than anything else it has exposed the weaknesses and vulnerability of the PNU side of the coalition. If the grand coalition government is a Mugumo tree then her action has cut a couple of inches into the tree and proved more than ever before that this huge strong tree shall fall after all. It is only a matter of time.

Karua has done what the noisy ODMers cannot dare do--at least for now.

Published earlier today: What happens if the grand coalition government collapses?

Sunday, April 05, 2009

What Happens If The Grand Coalition Government Collapses?

There is this guy I know who went and married a cute 20 year old girl as his second wife. He was 41 years old then. (I have no idea why Kenyans do crazy things and expect their leaders to be more level-headed). So when he lost his job, she promptly left him and told him to call her when he got a job or had money. Meanwhile she went for a prolonged holiday in Mombasa (financed by her boyfriends).

At least this story has a somewhat happy ending because on losing his job, the guy started his own business which quickly and miraculously thrived and he rushed to Mombasa to fetch his 20 year old beauty, snatching her away from the arms of this good-looking Arab guy who fortunately did not have much cash.

The grand coalition government “marriage” is on its’ last legs and believe it or not it all has to do with money, just like in my friend’s case. However in this particular case “the wife” is definitely NOT coming back after the separation happens.

Are my “parables” confusing you? Let me switch to some plain language that you can understand.

I have said in this blog several times that the “cement” keeping the coalition together is cash and that once the cash ran out, the coalition would be history. And because I believe what I write here, the first thing I did after the dramatic “acrobatics” of this past weekend at Kilaguni was to look for tell-tale signs that there is a cash crunch in Kenya. I quickly found plenty of interesting stuff to confirm this.

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For starters the government has recently revised its’ budget making a hefty cut of Kshs 23 billion that will terribly affect the quality of services to the public in the last 4 months of this government financial year. This is the second time in two months that the government is cutting back on expenditure. What does that tell you?

Then even more alarming, the government has requested money from the IMF (about $100million) specifically to replenish the country’s foreign exchange reserves. Read the full article on the government’s recent cutback HERE.

And as if to confirm that all is NOT well, Deputy Prime Minister and Minster for Finance Uhuru Kenyatta warned over the weekend that the government would not be able to deal with the many “problems” facing it if the coalition partners did not stop squabbling. What problems would be at the top of the mind of Uhuru Kenyatta just now?

Armed with this information, it is not surprising at all that at the first sign of rapidly dwindling resources to feed on, the grand coalition should start wobbling. If truth be told there are other factors that caused last weekend’s circus but money was and remains the main reason.

But let me digress for a minute for the sake of those who do not think that Kilaguni was a circus. Well it was!! So many ludicrous things happened. For starters President Kibaki traveled all the way to Tsavo and then gave the morning session a miss as all the squabbling was going on. Why go to Tsavo to sleep? Are there no beds in State House Nairobi? History will remember President Kibaki as the experienced carpenter who always hated sawdust to the end. In other words the president is a politician but hates political mud fights which are what most politicians thrive on. But that is a post for another day.

Still on the subject of sleeping arrangements, there was squabbling over the allocation of rooms at the luxury tourist resort with some attendees complaining bitterly why they weren’t allocated rooms similar to the Presidents’. Then there was the dramatic walk-out by Raila Odinga. The President promptly sent for him and the PM sulkily refused to come back. If that wasn’t a circus then I don’t know the meaning of the word.

So what are the other factors that have contributed to the events of this past weekend?

Politics, of course. Every politician knows that the pressure from the ordinary folk for change is soon going to be overwhelming and will force an early election (contrary to what the President thinks). This has obligated them back to the drawing boards and the chief concern is how to face the clearly angry electorate again with limited funds. You see despite the unprecedented corruption and feeding frenzy in the one year that the coalition government has existed, most are yet to recover their “investment” of the last elections.

This is one reason why Martha Karua’s handlers have advised her to resign (she is expected to resign later today from the cabinet). Her resignation now would give her immense political inertia considering the fact that President Kibaki and most of his cronies are extremely unpopular at the moment. She would be the hero of the moment in Central province and beyond and this would raise her profile and inject life into her presidential bid. Still in my view the ghosts of 2007 hang heavily on Martha. She cannot just shake off the fact that she was the main legal mind behind Mwai Kibaki’s theft of the election. Kenyans are known for their extremely short memories but this one….aiii!!!! I have my doubts as to whether they will forget in a hurry.

Gosh this post is getting too long and so let me close by answering the question in my title. What happens if the coalition falls apart? Well ODM’s position is that we will go back to the polls. On the other hand PNU’s position is that the constitution is supreme and therefore we will revert back to the constitution and the President will re-constitute a new cabinet.

So clearly there will be a crisis and then add to that the fact that most Kenyans are totally fed up with this government and you realize that there is only one answer to the question I have posed;

CHAOS.

P.S. The gap between ordinary folk and privileged Kenyans is widening by the day. There is no better place to clearly see that than in the comments section of this very blog. On the ground ordinary Kenyans are totally and completely sick of the ODM and PNU nonsense and are united in the belief that both political parties are really the same evil thing. That is in sharp contrast to the situation here in Kumekucha where PNU-and-ODM-which-is-better debates have persisted, completely refusing to go away.

Also a must read;

Kumekucha's earlier warning in March: Titanic government fails to see icebergs ahead

What Kumekucha said about the silver lining in the coming cash crunch that is already here


News Extra
Cell phones get stolen a lot. And that is why a new service that I have just heard about should make a huge difference. Dubbed Ujanja, the service uses satellite technology to track a telephone (or even a laptop) to it’s exact location. What happens is that after some software has been downloaded to your phone, the minute it is stolen an sms will be sent immediately to a cell phone of your choice (either your spouses or your friend.). The sms will contain vital information including the new sim card number that has been inserted into your stolen phone and the location of the phone. All this makes recovery very easy.

I am thinking that this is the kind of service that has the potential of ridding us of phone thieves (which is a very big business in Kenya these days). You can get more information on this interesting new service HERE.

Of Ultimate Political Tantrum and Wages of Sin


How some phrases come so handy and very apt in capturing history as it unfolds. Sample these:

1. Chicken come home to roost
2. Asante ya punda
3. Perils of not belonging
4. Dancing yourself lame to a stuck record before the real tunes
5. Your past is a ghost never exorcised and FINALLY
5. Wages of sin ............

Well, living in denial or the naivety of playing plastic surrogacy never caused constipation. You can CON a people sometime but may never know the enormity of the devil you are creating until the can are wide open and the worms come out crawling. The price is big and no vice is SUSTAINABLE.

Storm Clouds Gathering Over Nairobi

When all hell breaks loose in Nairobi, I'll be right here to die with my fellow countrymen. I'll drive down to the JKIA to kiss good bye Kenyans who will have renewed visas to foreign lands and kept their passports ready. After seeing the cowards off, I'll drive back to the city to help this nation figure out where we went wrong and how to get back on track.

You see, I'm getting increasingly pessimistic about the possibility of a meaningful truce between the ODM and PNU. It looks as if the accord signed between Odinga and Kibaki was a silly stop-gap measure, one the PNU side had no intention of honoring. How is it that we are unable to implement Agenda Four? Who is it that stands to gain by keeping the country tied to our moribund constitution? And who is it that stands to gain by remaining adamant in the face of urgent calls to institute sustainable land reforms?

Folks, it is easy to write from the States or Europe or anywhere else and sound tough as hell, but when you are within these borders and you see the faces of destitute, hungry mothers and children, when you talk to a security guard and they tell you that they have to walk from their assignment at a CBD complex to a squalid they call home in Ngomongo because they can't afford the fare, that's when you begin to understand why the games Kibaki's inner circle is playing with our security are not funny at all.

As I write this article, I'm sitting in my office, just across from Uhuru Park. There is a beautiful worship service going on there. Men, women and children are dancing and praising God for Kenya. They are calling upon God to bless our nation. But is God listening? How come just yesterday a meeting meant to heal the coalition government blew up in the faces of our leaders? And how come there is palpable angst all over this nation? Have we come to a point where we can't resolve our differences because Uhuru Kenyatta must be made president of Kenya? Have we come to a point where perpetrators of the post-election violence have determined that they will lead this country...even by force...or let it burn?

Enough!

Kenya belongs to all of us. The time has come to tell those who think they are more Kenyan than the rest of us that we will not take their crap anymore. The Prime Minister was gracious enough to save this nation when it was clear victory was snatched from him. At what point will Kibaki and his team reciprocate that gesture? What kind of greed drives the men around this leader?

Enough!

Either Kenya is for us all or it must be for none of us.