Here is a multiple choice exam for you. My sincere apologies to all because I know the great phobia that Kenyans have for examinations. Can’t blame them when our educational system is what it is, little wonder that parents have no qualms buying leaked examination papers.
Please tick only one answer because ticking 2 shall automatically be marked wrong by the computer (sorry you can’t bribe it). You have up to 30 minutes to carefully think and consider before marking the correct answer. (maximum marks 100 and a pat on your back from yourself)
1. If you were William Ruto and you happen to receive a visa ban from United States, would you;
a) Become the good man you never were and keep your mouth sealed. After all there is a sizeable number of Kenyans who do NOT believe that it is Ruto.
b) Become the good man you never were and apologize to the Kenyan people for all your sins of omission and commission of the past asking them to forgive you but allow you to keep your ill-gotten wealth.
c) Resign your cabinet post and launch your 2012 presidential campaign early satisfied with the funds that you have already looted while in cabinet.
d) Sponsor a censure motion against the United States of America for interfering with the affairs of a sovereign state like Kenya and announce that you have no interest in visiting the US anyway.
e) Strongly deny any insinuations that you might be the visa ban minister and threaten to sue those who persist in bringing forward your name.
f) Make a long emotional tantrum-speech on the floor of parliament invoking your wife and children (Kimunya-style) and hope that Kenyans will sympathize with you and start demonstrating on the streets on Nairobi against the evil United States. You can of course help push the process forward a little by giving some idlers a small cash incentive and some placards.
g) Prove to the public beyond any doubt that there is no visa ban against you by traveling to the United States ASAP.
2. If you were Raila Odinga, William Ole Ntimama or John Michuki you would do one of the following when the next elections are called;
a) Announce your resignation from active politics and pave the way for a new generation of leaders.
b) Start a campaign in your constituency to declare yourself MP for life in honour of the services that you have contributed to the people of Kenya having been in active politics longer that President Obama has been alive.
c) Cheat Kenyans that you have never really had an opportunity to make a difference and if they want to see the real you (the way Kenyans saw the real Kibaki) they should elect you president.
d) Tell Kenyans that you deserve to rule the country because of your advanced age. Age goes with wisdom, so we are told. Which means that since independence Kenya has been led by extremely wise leaders.
e) Promise Kenyans that if elected president you will constitute a youthful cabinet. Of course the definition of “youthful” is rather loose. Only in Kenya can you be a youth aged 70 years old.