HOW TO JOIN KUMEKUCHA'S CLUB1999 TODAY

HOW TO JOIN KUMEKUCHA'S CLUB1999 TODAY
Click on the image for all the information YOU need!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Multiple Choice Exam On William Ruto And Aging Politicians

Here is a multiple choice exam for you. My sincere apologies to all because I know the great phobia that Kenyans have for examinations. Can’t blame them when our educational system is what it is, little wonder that parents have no qualms buying leaked examination papers.

Please tick only one answer because ticking 2 shall automatically be marked wrong by the computer (sorry you can’t bribe it). You have up to 30 minutes to carefully think and consider before marking the correct answer. (maximum marks 100 and a pat on your back from yourself)

Good Luck.

1. If you were William Ruto and you happen to receive a visa ban from United States, would you;

a) Become the good man you never were and keep your mouth sealed. After all there is a sizeable number of Kenyans who do NOT believe that it is Ruto.

b) Become the good man you never were and apologize to the Kenyan people for all your sins of omission and commission of the past asking them to forgive you but allow you to keep your ill-gotten wealth.

c) Resign your cabinet post and launch your 2012 presidential campaign early satisfied with the funds that you have already looted while in cabinet.

d) Sponsor a censure motion against the United States of America for interfering with the affairs of a sovereign state like Kenya and announce that you have no interest in visiting the US anyway.

e) Strongly deny any insinuations that you might be the visa ban minister and threaten to sue those who persist in bringing forward your name.

f) Make a long emotional tantrum-speech on the floor of parliament invoking your wife and children (Kimunya-style) and hope that Kenyans will sympathize with you and start demonstrating on the streets on Nairobi against the evil United States. You can of course help push the process forward a little by giving some idlers a small cash incentive and some placards.

g) Prove to the public beyond any doubt that there is no visa ban against you by traveling to the United States ASAP.


2. If you were Raila Odinga, William Ole Ntimama or John Michuki you would do one of the following when the next elections are called;

a) Announce your resignation from active politics and pave the way for a new generation of leaders.

b) Start a campaign in your constituency to declare yourself MP for life in honour of the services that you have contributed to the people of Kenya having been in active politics longer that President Obama has been alive.

c) Cheat Kenyans that you have never really had an opportunity to make a difference and if they want to see the real you (the way Kenyans saw the real Kibaki) they should elect you president.

d) Tell Kenyans that you deserve to rule the country because of your advanced age. Age goes with wisdom, so we are told. Which means that since independence Kenya has been led by extremely wise leaders.

e) Promise Kenyans that if elected president you will constitute a youthful cabinet. Of course the definition of “youthful” is rather loose. Only in Kenya can you be a youth aged 70 years old.

50 comments:

Philip said...

I'm the first one to forward the paper:

1. a
2. a

What marks do I got. By the way after answering the question I realized Ruto had already made a choice.

Philip the Visitor.

Anonymous said...

We all know who it is:

1. Corruption allegations for a very long time - From Youth for KANU (1992)to sale of Ngong forest to maize scandal;
2. Ethnic cleansing - From groundwork in 1992 and 1997 ethnic clashes to the perfected skills of 2007 PEV with a pre-conceived defence "spontaneous protests." Either way where ODM won or lost, there were going to be ethnic cleansing.
3. Visa ban not based on current maize/oil scandal- US does not want to appear to base its actions on a single unverified allegation/conduct. It is based on an analysis of previous investigations, allegations and conduct, all leading to the same conclusions-someone is dirty, very dirty.

Stand up William Samoei Ruto. And stop telling us that you have not received any communications. They are waiting for you to apply for visa. To humilate you and cause you sleepless nights. And the fact that you are already doing so by issuing statements indicates it is not a passing cloud

Anonymous said...

Purported 8 Sep 2007 Kenyan Orange Democratic Movement political strategy for Raila Odinga's presidential election. The document is very likely a full or partial fabrication. However it is increasingly politically influential due to an uncanny prescience over the January 2008 Kenyan ethnic tensions and vote rigging. While the language employed in those sections is the least credible given the authors and the nature of the document, whoever wrote them had a keen understanding of the likely movements in the Kenyan election. If those sections were fabricated, as is most likely, by PNU (Kibaki / government) loyalists then this provides a very interesting perspective into their thinking and strategy.

The document definitely predates the Dec 28 2007 election and has been flowing around Kenya as email forwards since mid December 2007. Public proof of its pre-election creation can be seen at scribd.com ( http://www.scribd.com/doc/961835/ODM-Poll-Strategy ) where an identical version was uploaded on the 19th of December 2007.

The document, or at least a very similar version of it is also named as the source of an Abunu Wasi story on Dec 17, 2007 ( http://www.abunuwasi.com/ ). Abunu Wasi did not reveal the document, citing "fairness" to the Orange Democratic Movement.
Other influential fully or partially fabricated documents against the Orange Democratic Movement and Odinga have been a feature of the Kenyan election (see MOU between Raila Odinga and Muslims). The New York Sun scandalously used the later document as the basis for its Jan 10, 2007 editorial ( http://www.nysun.com/article/69273 ), despite Wikileaks warning.

Anonymous said...

1 a)
2 a)

But its usually more like Ruto will prepare for 2012 and dare anyone to challenge him over this and Raila, Ole Ntimama and Michuki will run for MP again and maybe even presidency for Raila.

Anonymous said...

I think I can guess US cannot go to issues of maize scandal.

It is very hard to incriminate Ruto on this.

Further I know that most western politicians who were "smart" and "fast" were involved in maize scandal.

What happened is that all of a sudden someone realized, i think the first to realize was Jirongo, that the same maize sold in Kenya can be sold to Southern Sudan and 3 times the price in Kenya since demand there was so much.

So it became a scramble. The "smart" guys started buying, taking maize in their stores and sell to Southern Sudan.

It was only Kengen shares during the early months after floatation of shares that could outsmart this investments. Those who were fast enough made millions within a short time. I'm telling you any Kenyan who loves making money at the mercy of other people, in the name of business, could get himself involved in it. I can claim, from business attitude of many people, if they were given that chance they could have gone ahead to do what was done. I'm sure even the Central, Eastern, North Eastern and Coast politicians, businessmen and common mwananchi could do the same if given the chance - imagine making over 150% profit by just buying and selling maize!

Then this is where the problem started.

Here there was a chance to make money but already to get bulk maize from common market and even individuals, out of the scramble for commodity, was becoming a problem, yet there was bulk of it in NCBD.

I don't know the policy of NCBD, but all i know is that as an individual you can go there and buy maize from them, simple. So all of a sudden there was drastic and overwhelming demand for maize from NCBD. The queue was long, some were buying for their own use, but majority wanted to buy in order to sell to Sudan. Most knew that if they delay they will not be able to get the maize since it was running out of stock.

This is where those in the know how used their connection to Bwana Mweheshimiwa et al. Most politicians in western province used their powers and money to get the maize faster than others.

I don't know if Bwana Mweheshimiwa got involved and how much money he made, all I know is that some if not most people used his name to get the maize.

Coupled with already small reserve caused by PEV, there was no enough maize to take to Southern Sudan. That's how we ran out of it.

It's like someone who sells all his properties, even the ones he needs most, only to realize later that he cannot stay without it.

Jirongo made, I think over Kshs 300 million.

One Wife Man(formerly Joe the choma man) said...

Chriso aka Chris,
1 e
2 c
(personally i wouldn't have it any other way)

Lets face the sombre fact and accept the sad reality that as far as change in leadership is concerned we are stuck in reverse gear; not permanently stuck but at least for the next EIGHT or so years the current elite tribal political community will remain put they're not going any and this is our burden for all of us to bear as Kenyans

One day we will be free of tribal politics as a nation but until then any multiple choice exams on Ruto and aging politicians will always have more than one answer that SEEMS correct

Anonymous said...

Why is Kenya called a developing country? Are we really developing? I think it should be refered to as an undeveloping state.

Vikii said...

Sitaki kuweka answers zangu hapa hivi coz wenye wamezoea mwakenya (watu wa mwaks) kama vile Kalamari na Phil watacopy. These guys can even copy my name!

Just a reminder, Bw. Examiner; William Ntimama and John Michuki have no plans to run for President, or so I would assume.

Anonymous said...

Raila believes he is the 'Joshua', the youthful leader to lead this nation to the promised land.
If that is the case, can somebody tell me why he consult SA witches?

PKW said...

1. f) also, besides my mother and family, rally my entire clan and tribe behind me. Threaten to use machetes as weapons of mass destruction against the Americans
2. c) It's only natural.

Anonymous said...

Africans have performance issues. It is not a question of me feeling inferior. Just look closely. SA is slowly but surely joining the rest of africa in being a shithole. we have a low IQ and that's a fact which is obvious to anyone who has to deal with people from different races. No insults please.

Anonymous said...

chris,
can you please give RAO a break. The man has not even declared his plans for the next elections and you haters are already falling over yourselves trying to demonise the man.
Why lump him with octogenerians like ntimama and michuki. By the way did you deliberately leave out ongeri?

Anonymous said...

oops!! I was supposed to receive the answers before the exam...??!!

I am told by a marker that our A level exams in the '70's/'80's were set aside,hardly read and arbitrary given a C or D because we and our school belonged to a certain tribe/race ??? I got A's/B's overseas !!!!

now the tribalist system is staring kenya in the face....

Anonymous said...

KENYANS, WE ARE OUR OWN WORST ENEMIES, PARTICULARLY KENYAN AFRICANS

We Kenyan africans are our own biggest enemies. Our Values, norms and attitudes are severely warped; our priorities totally upside down.

We are so filled with Self hatred that even if an excellent candidate such as Barack Obama ran for president over here in Kenya, a large section of us will resort to a lot of silliness, stupidity and a lot of nonsensical behavior. This is what you will hear from Kenyans (particularly the so called highly educated, the so called religious/saved hypocrites - the Kalonzo "Msaliti" Musyoka types - and the well traveled types, whom you would expect to know better because of the exposure of experiencing life outside this country...) This is what you will hear:

Jaruo.... Kihii.... and all sorts of foolish propaganda fuelled by hatred...

A lot of us Kenyans are trully sick Upstairs. Very SICK!

Mama Njeri said...

There is no other Kenyan politician both past and present who ignite extreme emotions like Raila Odinga. On one hand we have those who love him with unreasonable love and those who hate him on equal measure. I think we should set our emotions aside and look objectively into this character. Can he be trusted with multi-ethnic nation like Kenya and reconcile Kenya as one nation? Can his socialist ideologies hurt Kenya's economy?, how is his development record?, what new ideas if any is he bringing in? At the age of 63??

sereast said...

Forget the multiple choice exams.

I have heard contrasting takes on the alleged stolen election but for a moment lets look at it this way.

Prior to the 2007 elections, the country had been polarized beyond doubt. The reasons for the polarization was simple and it was noted in the Waki report. Kibaki had failed to offer leadership and when he expelled the LPD members from the cabinet, he had rubbed many tribes the wrong way. After doing this Kibaki never followed through to ensure that tribal groupings were quashed. So the expelled LPD members Odinga and others became so critical of his government. I personally think it would have been wise to keep these guys in the government.

But I digressed, so when the expelled members joined hands with opposition members Ruto, Uhuru, Balala, etc the country was slowly been divided along tribal linings. Did Kibaki not see this, or he had no clue. To even allow the referendum to go on was a very costly mistake. This polarized the country even more.

Honestly, with a polarized country and a president who was hands-off, I think we were courting disaster. And we have an even deadlier mix when we have no laws that guide against hate speech and ethnic relations. Also, Kibaki had treated, nay mistreated the Kalenjins by dismissing them from positions Moi had appointed them, to add insult to injury he let Kikuyus take over all plum positions in government (this in total disregard to the fact that in 2002, he was voted by majority non-Kikuyus). There was a deadly mix in the country only a savvy president would have dealt with.

My point was this. I have had tales of Kalenjins taking oaths to expel the Kikuyus from RV. If this is true and of course the NSIS must have had word of it, also ODM had gone all over Kenya preaching majombo. Has is downed on anyone that Kibaki may have been forced to steal this election just so that some things could have been averted.

I don't think the guy is as naive as most people perceive him. And honestly, I have never had any favor with him and I have also lost faith in all politicians back at home.

I am ready for the grilling!

Anonymous said...

I will answer neither of the questions

Sayra said...

Chris,

I got leakage for this exam last year and was good enough to give the answers in advance.

Where is my transcript?

Demogod said...

It's very simple, in Kenya we do not honor and reward hard work, we honor and reward thuggery and thieving. How the hell in the world are we every going to move forward as a nation when our society has a deep rooted and ingrained culture where stealing is how we value our people, politicians etc. the implications of all this is that our nation and our children will become complete beggars to the world.

If we as a society and people of this nation don't see beyond tribal lines, we are doomed for failure faster than a bullet hitting a target.

At the rate we are fostering hatred, and spending money as a nation as if there is no tomorrow, we are headed for a bankrupt kenya, and this will mean we will be on the verge of a civil war!!!

The train is rapidly approaching the destination, so people regardless of the tribe, clan or religion, as the people of this nation, we better wake up and demand a lasting change, otherwise we completely doomed!!!

This ain't no dream, its a sure reality - watch as it happens!!!

Anonymous said...

odinga's socialism - redistribute wealth by stopping corruption and tax the rich is far better than the rich and connected stealing, cheating on sales and exporting wealth to north america and europe (in the name of free market economy and freedom )

Anonymous said...

'uhuru ni kazi' must have meant you work and give us 10% chai

Anonymous said...

Luo men don't know how to make love to a woman. two minutes and is over!

Anonymous said...

Every time I browse this site, I can help but feel sorry for those bloggers and commentators who thought my friend Kwale was a loser like most them. It's a pity they saw "Ash" (kwale) as a threat, while in fact is one of the shining stars in Diaspora.

Anonymous said...

kenyans are such loosers.
keep getting played by cheap politics.

Dude said...

Kumekucha, let's face it - this post was stealthily planted to float the blasphemous idea of RAO passing the baton.

I don't think so - he still has a lot of political capital and is simply gaining more experience to lead the country if and when that comes to fruition. That's not to say that he does not have a checkered past - but what can you expect when you have had decades of marginalization and at least two Luo presidential material heavyweights assassinated in their prime.

Raila is simply following destiny. It remains to be seen if he can be unseated legitimately. Of course the best course of action would be a complete break from the past but that would be too idealistic.

For those who find this blog depressing, keep in mind Kenya is undergoing its baptismal by fire and if the next election goes relatively well, you will be well on your way to the promised land.

Please don't choma me for offering sincere opinions - especially if your bread butter is politics or law. You may be more articulate and much better informed but sometimes the view from the edge can be just as prescient.

Anonymous said...

anon 12:28,

I think you meant Kikuyu and Kamba men.

Anonymous said...

Dude, you are one of the regular commentors here pretending to be new. It doesn't matter what kind of wet dreams you have about Raila, but he WILL NOT be the next president of Kenya. His fate was sealed when he called "kabila Adui".

Anonymous said...

LOOK WHOSE VISA SHOULD BE BANNED!!!
EMILIO KIBAKI THE THIEF

publicly known companies of kibaki

Publicly known companies in which Kibaki is a full blown Director – some he is still the Managing Director. In this companies, he calls the shot, get the lion-share of dividends and manages it operations.

1. Deacons 2002 Ltd., - formed after the 2002 elections - to consolidate his hold on the textile industries and exports through AGOA to USA.

2. Deacons Kenya Ltd., 3. Tatu Traders, 4. Deacons Kenya, 5. Pinpoint Investment Co., 6. Lucia and Company, 7. Roirie Ltd., and 8. Kaanyange Ltd. 9. Kentrout (1972) Ltd., 10. Gingalili (1968) Ltd., 11. Garofa Ltd., 12. Ruare Farm Ltd., 13. Kuza Ltd., 14. Pinpoint Investment., 15. Lucia and Co., 16. PBM Nominees., 17. FrigoKen Ltd.

Publicly unknown companies in which Kibaki is a full blown Director – some he is still the Managing Director.

Majority land buying companies in the Central Province with Njenga Karume and Michuki.

Companies in which Kibaki is a silent Director with substantive shareholding.

1. Kenya Breweries Ltd., 2. Nestle Kenya Ltd., 3. Cocacola Bottlers EastAfrica Ltd., 4. KBS Ltd., 5. Kenya Airways., 6. Kenya Commercial Bank., 7. Uchumi Supermarket., 8. East Africa Industries., 9. Premier Foods., 10. Bidco Ltd., 11. Kenya Duty Free Ltd., 12. Mugo African crafts ltd

Anonymous said...

Chris:

You are right inincluding Raila's name in the questions because those trying to repackage Raila should forget it. When he had a golden chance, he blew it. During last presidential campaigns, in an effort to spark inter-ethnic violence, Raila repeatedly called the whole of the Kikuyu community "Kabila Adui Yetu." Then he topped it all by promising the Meru community "tears" if he won the presidency. When he uttered those statements he kissed good-bye the presidency of the Republic of Kenya. He should now plan for an honorable retirement. But as gift to future generations he should write a political manual on "How not to start out as a nationalist and end up as an ethnic-hating demagogue."

Anonymous said...

Today's papers reported the following:

"Premier’s office in crisis as turf wars end in a brawl."

This is the management by Luo-style we have to live with for the next four long years.

Anonymous said...

1.A
2.A
but knowing Kenyan politics,this wont happen,so the next thing to do is to "kill em all and let God sort them out!!"

Anonymous said...

oh I didn't know
now I know - he is ethnic as opposed to nationalist

Kimi Raikkonen said...

Raila's incompetent leadership is exemplified by his destructive and selfish tendency to put his personal interests above that of the Nation.
When he was advised that Kivuitu and ECK should remain in office until a competent body was in place to replace them, he completely refused to cooperate and insisted that Kivuitu must go, and to date, there isn't even an interim body because the blundering idiot objected to the Cecil Miller led one at the last minute through his attack dogs in bunge like Milly Adhiambo.
What would have happened if, God forbid, if Kibaki had perished in the recent helicopter mishap, assuming that the Bondo Bumpkin and his fellow ODM hobos would have accepted for Kalonzo to act as President for 90 days as per the const'n? Who would supervise the ensuing election that must take place?

Anonymous said...

Anon 5:01 PM

What is this sick obsession with Kibaki wealth. In as much as we want to paint Kibaki as a thief, lets be fair to the man. He is rich, yes, but did he steal or did he happen to be at the right place, at the right time with the right qualifications?

Some history. I know some of you will disagree but you dont graduate from London School of Economics top in your class if you dont know shit. Kibaki was highly qualified and with departing colonialists much as he would have resisted making money there was no way he could just let the opportunities go. I am yet to come across someone who went to LSE in life and in literature and is poor.

We can be naive like Githongo and be puzzled when the president buys a gold rolex but the man has been around for 50 plus years and if he could only afford a rolex when he is the president then so be it.

He may have stolen elections (which I dont beleieve anyway) but he made his money. If you had a masters degree in 1958 and the likes of Jaramogi Odinga were begging you to serve your country you would be rich too. Show me anyone with those qualification in 1960's who is not rich.

John Maina said...

only watch this link if you got guts and worry whether the laws in kenya really works.


http://www.kenyanentrepreneur.com/burnt-alive-in-kisii/

One Wife Man(formerly joe the choma man) said...

Chris aka Chris,
judging from 90% of the above comments it seems Dr.Kibaki's main capital is deflection of his artless moribundity to cover up his oafish leadership that has set the country back 10 years. what an amazing illusionist

Anonymous said...

John Maina,
So you think thats breaking news? We have seen that video long time ago and many similar others!
I hate you dimwit!

Anonymous said...

There is a Ugandan Prof who never made it to Secondary because, he used to change questions.

I want to do the same.

Q1) Are Kalenjins and other Kenyans aware that Ruto can be replaced by a nice clean man with a good past who doesnt want KK coalition?

Q2) Who is the name of a Kenyan politician whose office is manned by people from different tribes?

Only 2 questions to qualify for University? Poor Kenya.

Anonymous said...

http://www.eastandard.net/videos/?id=1144009511

listen to norman nyagah describing PNU

sereast said...

Anon @ 5.07

Stop the shitty talk. I bet your mom never set a foot in class and you embody the same. That talk if it were here in USA would qualify as hate speech and get you behind bars.

You are an IDIOT!

Anonymous said...

Dear Kumekucha,

we ask you to prevent primitive tribalists from using this platform to insult fellow Kenyans.

The following postings dont belong here and should be deleted immediately:

Anon 12:28, 5:18, 5:07, 5:44

Anonymous said...

I am a Kikuyu and I want to distanciate myself from this kind of stupid TRIBALISM. I challenge ALL Kikuyus to condemn these semi-educated minds who are tarnishing the image of the Kikuyu community.

Otherwise we are at risk to be considered barbaric.

Anonymous said...

Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion,so you "Kikuyu" please keep your opinions to yourself ,who on earth gave you the mandate to speak on behalf of other kyuks??i just expressed my OWN personal opinion,what's wrong with that??

Anonymous said...

You can delete my posts but remember that "There is nothing to fear except the persistent refusal to find out the truth, the persistent refusal to analyze the causes of happenings."

Anonymous said...

Today is mother's day and no-one here bothered to remember to dedicate this day to your true heroine and that is your mother. or even the mother of your children.

Chris despises women and is a wife beater! known fact!!

Anonymous said...

Anon 11:12 is the Choma man as usual trying to discredit Kumekucha.
It's credit to Chris that he does not delete this kind of junk.

Anonymous said...

"False history gets made all day, any day,
the truth of the new is never on the news."

b-carotene said...

It is obvious to anyone with a discerning mind what the retard of a bumpkin is up to. There is a pattern.

First he calls in foreigners and their agent (Kofi Annan) to come solve a mess he had by all means created. Note that many were harmed in unthinkable ways and a large number lost their lives. Secondly, he stupidly and strongly supports the formation of a coalition government. Thirdly, anything and everything he (prime minister of a coalition govt) dips his grubby fingers into has not borne fruit, despite all the self-aggrandizement. Fourth, he has failed to discipline his own party of change (sic), indeed there is rapidly emerging an alternative source of power within ODM! Just as he has failed to control his bureaucrats. Moreover, the stuttering bumpkin has failed to deliver his pre-election promises. Worse still, he and his spawn are allegedly smeared in the dust and grime of the corruption he had promised to root out. Painful. Poor chap.

So what pathway out for the wretched bumpkin? Well, slide right back to what you know best, which alas, I sometimes suspect is genetic. We have seen this nut constantly criticize a government of which he is a part. We have seen him whining about a so-called lack of power. We have seen him drone on about the failure of our institutions, yet does absolutely nothing to try solve the problem. Indeed he further undermines by suggesting that the ONLY way out is to invite foreign institutions to perform the functions that ours should be massaged and/or shocked into performing. And now, he runs around calling for majimbo. What desperation.

My view is that this bondo bumpkin is tremendously conscious of his failures yet severely constrained by a rather low IQ, inadequate experience and imagination, an extreme thirst for power and a proclivity for a vulgar fashion of populism. He subsequently has no concrete strategy of redressing his malfunction (or the ills he promised he’d wipe out) nor the concentration or focus to do so.

This is dangerous.
The best he’s left with is to DESTROY.

His raison d’etre now is to undermine and discredit any genuine efforts to set the socio-political and economic system back on track. This he does as he gathers grist for his 2012 presidential campaign and for which he will dump the coalition mid 2011 if not as early as end next year. His unwavering acolyte recently said the coalition government is a means to an end! There is little incentive to use the half loaf or nyama ya mkia wisely and to any keen observer the battle lines have been drawn.

My fellow countrymen, be afraid. Be veeery afraid of the stuttering bumpkin who will pull out all the stops to get the top job. There is a pattern of (violent, unproductive)behavior.

b-carotene said...

NOBODY WILL BE MOVED FROM THE MAU, SAYS RAILA
http://www.kenyatimesonline.com/content.asp?catid=2&articleId=2791

"Raila said he would not act against the interests of squatters in the Mau Complex since they had overwhelmingly voted for him during the 2007 General Election."

I like the pronouncement, but what a justification! Oh, how vulgar.

Anonymous said...

Change:
Change is the law of life. And those who look only to
the past or the present are certain to miss the future.

Google
 
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...