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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Why Kumekucha Isn't Such A Smart Guy

I am making my new year resolutions and I am considering a few key principals.

Let common sense prevail. Everybody will tell you that.

Folks like Dedan Kimathi did not have much of it. I mean what did he achieve? He did not have a good job a career, a nice car. Stuff to admire. He just fought a battle every sensible person knew he would not win. In the end he died, executed and buried in a grave that has never been found to this day. A failure in life. His family to date still suffers living hand to mouth? Can you compare him to such a sensible man as Nicholas Biwott and others? The only thing Kimathi achieved was a better life for millions of Kenyans many of whom were not even born when he died.

Another fellow with absolutely no common sense is Nelson Mandela. I mean the guy spent 27 years in jail. And for what? While he was in there other men had his supuu Winnie Mandela. I mean the guy went into Robeen Island a handful of years before I was born and when he came out I was married with children. The man wasted the best years of his life behind bars. For WHAT???? For zilch, except that he helped end apartheid in South Africa and is still a beacon of hope to many freedom fighters the world over.

So all you good folks who like making noise here, I ask you to consider your new year’s resolutions and pledge to do your part to create a better Kenya--to put your money and heart where your mouth is. Let me point out that those who want to fight for a better Kenya must be without common sense. And I re-dedicate myself to the group without common sense. The guys who care enough about something to gladly die for it. (What kind of stupid guy is that?)

Please enjoy your holidays guys and in-between the nyam choms and merrymaking ask yourself two simple questions for the new year because there is plenty to be done next year.

Question one; Are you a smart guy with plenty of common sense? (If yes stay away from siasa and the fight for a better Kenya.)

Question two: In the rare case that you want to join Kumekucha and others in bringing real change, are you prepared to make sacrifices and perhaps even die for that objective?

Take my advice guys. Enjoy your job, enjoy your family and leave it to the chaps without common sense.

Last few units remaining Christmas special offer for fridges and LCD TVs only for Kumekucha readers.


Dr Murinho said...

Chris, its wonderful to see a different way you have taken here in Kumekucha. By you reaching that place of epiphany where you stopped kikuyu bashing is a good reason to say a very MERRY CHRISTMAS to you!

Kikuyus were never a problem to anyone, and so, make it a new year resolution to preach healing and reconciliation to Kenyans and challenge 'em to build a united peaceful nation .

Merry Xmas and Happy New Year everyone!

Dr Murinho

Anonymous said...

We Kenyans are truly a people without "common sense" (civilized values). Here I am specifically targeting the so called highly educated, intelligent and religious/"saved" kenyans - The ones who should know better:

Let's just check out one group of Kenyans and how they relate to the rest of the Kenyan wanainchi: our our MP's. I do not blame MPs for their greed; I do not hold them accountable for vomiting on our shoes. I blame our rotten values.

Our morals are debased and what we call a value system stinks like the skunk’s odours. For example, when you want to take a matatu home, the temptation to jump the queue is irresistible. At the banking hall or when paying bills, no one sees the logic to wait for his or her turn. The marriage institution? Oh my God! Both wives and husbands play "away games" with their "spare wheels." The wives are even more deadlier than the men as they are "experts" at DECEPTION and know how to conceal their "spare wheel activities" which are usually done with the husbands best friends and associates while the husband is totally clueless about what is happening right under his nose.

Then we have traffic jams and drivers who just cannot let go of their accelerators. We overlap the jams with wanton abandon and when we get nabbed, we part with a bribe. Typical Kenyans!

It is a society where a parent and teacher will steal exams for his child or student be the one that should be up in arms against one of their own who does not feel philanthropic enough to pay tax!

It is the same man who does not respect the queues or who parts with bribe for a favour that ends up in Parliament. Why would anyone expect him to pay tax?

It is common that when a car is involved in an accident, ‘Good Samaritans’ search the pockets of victims for cash. Have you seen images of young people who consume alcohol from a truck that has overturned, not giving a hoot about the injured driver or his turn-boy? Or when a supermarket is demolished and a man holding three chickens and a bottle of beer gleefully poses for a photo and we laugh at his comic features?

We are the kind of people who laugh at a high school student who tries to make and fly a plane but fails on the first attempt. When an MP uses offensive language against other officials, we call it bravado and pledge our allegiance. So why would we expect them to pay tax?

The legislators are bound by the values that make us as Kenyans. But a society that admits its structures have failed but would rather keep them than offend a few individuals is a rotten one to the core and unless we develop an alternative value system, it is going to be a vicious cycle.

A food crisis will still be witnessed, demolitions will go on since legal titles will be issued on public land and election violence will be perpetrated unless we rethink what we treasure as our values. Instead of coming up with a national dress, perhaps the Ministry of Culture should have designed a value system.

FRAUD, DECEPTION, MEDIOCRITY and THEFT are our forte. Those are our "values"

E-CHANGE said...

tell me WHAT do you have against nyama choma? you have spoilt our festive mood by CHALLENGING us albeit in-reverse psychology to lead from the front and by example. now my nyama choma is cold because i'm commenting on this post-i hope you are HAPPY now i have to eat ugali and salty water

here in KK many excel in "e-articulation" that is where so called change begins and ends. the so called "people's revolution" will not happen leave alone be televised by KBC

let those who want real change go to America with Obama "you can believe in" here in Kenya the motto is “Wacha wale wanataka kupigana wapigane" stupid

Mama said...

Lol! E-change you made my aftee.

Anonymous said...


I am assuming that your post is tounge in cheek.

I submit that it is Kenyans who have no common sense and that is why nonsense prevails all over the place in this our lovely country.

Case in point, can you imagine a president of a country like the U.S, England, Japan or even our Botwana right here in Africa standing up in public (in broad daylight) and calling his subjects things like pumbavu and mavi ya kuku or wale wanataka kupigana wapiganeee and getting away with it? No!

Well, Kibaki has done that repeatedly and gotten away with it scot free right here in kenya! Only in a country where people have no common sense and are not smart.

M-Pesa said...

Wish you all a merry Christmas and a blessed 2009.

Rest if you can, but please (X100).. never give up. The good fight against our greedy-scumbag 'leaders' has just began.

I call it the 'FINAL PUSH' as in giving birth- for a better-brighter Kenya whereby the gap between our 2 tribes, the rich and poor, is shaped and narrowed with the help of young progressive Kenyans!

So long Kumemekuchans!.......

Joe said...


Count me in.

chola said...

Mama do you want to know why this uses this language.
Kenyans and Kenya are F cos to much tribal smegma in the brains, Kenyans need a brain Circumcisions this only way to free us from dirty tribal smegma. Or else for good we will be kihii. Always be fingered by our politician. For whom paying tax is philanthropy, ready to pay million per plate while Kenyan children at best eat ugali with salt or starve to death. Maybe we as Kenyans are to blame, we may cut down below but our minds are filled with tribal smegma.
This why kibaki can call you pumbavu mavi yakuku
Mama just imagine kibaki use this word to group of kimath or koitalel, lenana or hary thuku. The jama will be wipe to the point he his kunyi will be numb

Socialist said...

I have been a vivid reader of Kumekucha and I cannot but wonder what revelation has occurred to Sam Okello.Our enemies are not our fellow brothers but those in position who each day rule us through divide and rule.
I also believe next year is the beginning of an end for the Kenyattas,Rutos,Kibakis and Mois of Kenya.
Crismasi njema na baraka nyingi kwa nyinyi wote.

JEFF said...


I am in (i mean i have no common sense). I can provide some grassroots experience.

Taabu said...

Tokenism is our bane. BTW did you know that by erecting Kimathi's statue in downtown NBO some egos were arrested and that was it. The family may continue walloing in poverty just like Kaggia's but they must only blame themselves for lack of INDUSTRY - that word that makes faith healers foam at the mouth.

Poverty is an industry in itself just as exhibited by the faith healer who will read Kikuyu hatred where reconciliationis being preached. Now you see who has twisted logic disguised with a self-prefeix for a name. You can leave the village but the villager in you will pop up to your embarassment anytime. Merry Chrismas to all folks without common sense and no prefix for names.

sereast said...


What role can the diaspora community play in all this? We need a game plan.

Chris said...

Sereast my brother,

The game plan is being worked on as we speak. Keep your eyes on this space.

Meanwhile we need to talk to every Kenyan we can convince to join us and our way of thinking--we Kenyans who are NOT smart. The time has come for us to stick together or hung separately.

Enjoy your Christmas because a new Kenya is being birthed (I give you my word, if we fail we will fail while trying very hard).


Anonymous said...

No ugali!
No Omena!
No Raila, no kenya!
Abirogoy kikuyu. Jaluo jinga mavi ya kuku

Vikii said...

"The game plan is being worked on as we speak. Keep your eyes on this space".

Resist the temptation to own the adventure, bro. That would be a false start---like so many others before.

Demogod said...

The problem is that Kenya's political system is rotten to its bone, including its members. The political class do not realize by making the people of Kenya poorer,they think they can control under the servant mentality or a beggar. Unfortunately, its a ticking time bomb, that is going to explode sooner than anyone thinks, we already had a precursor last Dec.

The people of Kenya have to make a stand of ensuring that the people chosen in power are responsible for delivering results rather than thinking people owe them a living.

It's only Kenyans who can revolutionize this country, maybe its time Kenya set an example to the whole of Africa, that the leaders we choose must deliver results to the masses. There are no more excuses left for Kenyans, we must act now for the sake of our kids, and choose leaders who will make significant differences in our lives and our children's lives.

Kenya is a beautiful country, and we must save if from these "mongrel" of politicians.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to all readers of Kumekucha!

Anonymous said...

Taabu cannot resist foaming out some hatred one more time before rushing off to eat matumbo for Christmass. Merry matumbo, Taabu, and may you visit a hatred detoxification center next year.

Mimi said...

Blogger anonymous 9.26. No Raila no peace! no railway! no sex!

Anonymous said...

Chris, what are you trying to say? Do you mean even Jesus lacked common sense? Do you know Jesus gave his life for all mankind?- He suffered, crucified because He was willing to save the human race.

Let those willing, fight for what they believe.

papa plus said...

Anon 11.38

Boy oh boy, what school did you go to? Were they not teaching literature there? Why don't you go back to form 1 and learn such literary devices as irony, sacarsm, figurative language, oxymoron, metaphors and so on.

Then come back and re-read what Chris posted and understand where the hell he is coming from.

Phil said...

He he he.

I am reserving my comments on this post.

The game plan is that PNU is cloning a PENTAGON with the sole aim of 'mopping up' votes in 2012 much the same way ODM did in 2007. The line up is (in alphabetical order) Biwott, Jirongo, Kalonzo, Saitoti and Uhuru. Much money is being used to rope in Balala and Ruto...

Looking at this line up, I can only predict a diasporan emerging as a compromise candidate.


Anonymous said...

Phil tell this voteless diasporans sisi ndio kusema! ODM is the change we nid! N YES WE CAN!

papa plus said...


Pentagon will guarantee votes, eh?

I love how the nairobi class love to borrow from the west. Even with Orange in ODM; what the hell does the regular farmer in shags know about the Orange Movement? At least M7 in UG was more authentic by just calling it the National Resistance Movement. Sasa PNu figures the magic is in pentagon (replete with perrenial losers...ahh cast members) They had better get a plane for campaigning and call it Air force One. Heck, why not go all the way and name a hot female gun slinging hockey maam palin like running mate.

Anonymous said...

You know Chrysler motors tried to make a Phantom rolls look alike in their Chrsyler 300. So much so that some people will change the chrysler grill for one that looks like the rolls royce. But like Chris Rock said, until a real phantom pulls up besides your chrysler 300; then you realize how NOT so Rolls Royce the 300 is!

So even if you slap pentagon and other acronyms; you can put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig. And that goes to all political parties in Kenya.

Che Guevera came to fight along freedom fighters/revolutionaries in Congo where he met Kabila sn. and declared him more interested in drinking and womanizing. Africans must get serious about things.

Mkenya said...

U got it right Bro.Its only those without common sense who can make the changes needed for this country.
I lack common sense,and am pretty sure common sense is alien to you too.I hear you and with you all the way.

DM-Nairobi said...


Hey Chris and other Kumekucha readers,
As you settle down to enjoy your well-deserved xmas break, kindly do some investigative journalism on this:

The recent dramatic fall in fuel prices in Nairobi was received with relief by many motorists. But now there is a mysterious biting scarcity of petrol which even the government can's seem to explain.

Please find out for Kumekucha readers whether there is a possible fuel scam unravelling in Kenya, to force the fuel prices up again.

Is the petroleum industry behind such a diabolical move? Perhaps aided by the same GK (Kenya Pipeline Corporation) which claims to be looking out for consumer welfare?

Thanks for the good work.

sereast said...

Those gas guys are a cartel in Kenya.......maan. I don't think OPEC has acted on their threat of removing 2.2 million barrels from the market in order to send the prices up.

Here is US, the prices have gone so low....$1.60 (Ksh 120) per gallon (3.78 liters) much is gas there again? What we have is not leadership...just a BIG joke!

Anonymous said...

i too have decided i have no commonsense. I read confessions of an economic hitman,History of the hanged etc

Anonymous said...

it all comes down to "utu" .We Must ask ourselves OR rather I Have had to ask my self; why are all my the heroes dead/ Murdered.
Think about it: Sankara,Dedan,Lumumba,Mboya,pio gama pinto,Samora machel,Harry Thuku ,Che,Torrijos,Allende,(and so many more! i weep sometimes.)

Anyone who wants good for the many/The people .(think Jesu) and not for the materialistic few (think:"i will give you the world if you bow down.")

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