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Financing Some Thugs To Cut Off Some Innocent Guy's Head For You To Get To Parliament Is No big deal
As I talked lots of politics with all those I met on my trip over the weekend (some of them very seasoned observers of Kenya for many years) it became clear to me that this time round there could be some major problems with the election ballot papers. The truth is that they will need some very clever designing to accommodate all the candidates. It is possible that in many constituencies we will have more than 50 parliamentary seat candidates.
The important question to ask here is; why has Kenyan politics, as dirty and murderous as it is, attracted so many? The answer should be obvious.
Being an MP gives you a monthly income of close to a cool million and numerous perks, including a free house and a duty-free car. Maybe Samuel Kivuitu should start a campaign with the following theme;
Jishindie Nyumba Ya Bure
na loan ya kununua Hummer.
Rarua mshahara ya karibu shillingi millioni moja, pesa taslimu.
Guaranteed for 5 long luxurious years.
Tafuta kiti ya Ubunge
Translation: Win a free house and a loan to purchase a Hummer. Get a salary of close to a million shillings guaranteed for 5 long luxurious years. Grab a parliamentary seat.
In other words numerous Kenyans countrywide are plotting on how to get to the August house come what may. Some will take huge loans and even bigger risks to get to parliament knowing full well that if they make it, life will never be the same again. Not for the folks they will be representing but for themselves.
You can see how the current proposed constitutional amendments have been designed to prolong "the honeymoon" of the current MPs into February next year. They don't even mind delaying the elections so that they continue reaping the fruits of being an MP in Kenya for as long as possible.
So where does that leave the ordinary Kenyan desperate for change, desperate for something to cling on as hope for the future?
But even more worrying is the fact that this desperation to get to parliament will help contribute to what I have long predicted will be the most violent general election in the history of Kenya. The first time I made that prediction over 6 months ago, I really upset a lot of you who labeled me a warmonger. I wonder what you will say this time when all I said then is unfolding right before our very eyes—not that I am happy about it.
Let us be brutally honest here. With the kind of perks waiting for MPs in parliament, many parliamentary aspirants will not hesitate to commit murder to get rid of any perceived obstacle to their objectives.
Indeed this is already happening. Some months ago a curious murder was reported but ignored by most, which took place close to the heart of Machakos town. Well-dressed men entered the house of a man who was widely tipped to be the next MP of the area and engaged the wife in a friendly conversation. Some of their colleagues waited at the gate of the home. When the owner of the house arrived from work, he was shot dead and the men left without taking any cash, although they had earlier asked the man's wife for the six cell phones they knew were in the house, probably to distract her from their real mission. Nobody has been charged in connection to this particular murder to this day.
Father and son seduced by the same woman called "death."
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Chris, don’t they also get a lifetime pension of somewhere in the region of 80% of base pay after serving only one term in parliament?
ReplyDeleteSkating off topic here but please provide your insight to this burning question that almost cost me my life this past weekend. That confessed, for me, no more politicking/ drinking escapades at the ‘Bee Hive Bar and Tavern’ in Machakos; especially in the very intimate and close company of one Cicilia Mwikali mwana wa Mutua (if you know what I mean…and want). Anyway, I hope you are sitting down; Who will be Kalonzo Musyoka’s running mate?? You must agree that a clear choice of VP/running mate is crucial in this upcoming election, considering tribal/regional politics. To KM supporters who must be astounded by this question and are scratching hair off their heads, remember, KM’s goal will be enlist someone capable of pulling substantial regional votes and also complementing his national outlook. The person must also appear slightly subordinate to KM. (Vikii, please desist from making frantic calls to the Kalonzo campaign centre).
Now let’s play the game, “Could it be?”
Could it be Ruto? Please agree; that ticket is not moving very far from the Rift Valley and Eastern esp. with the absence of Railas’ virtuoso campaigning (which will of course be lackluster). Such a ticket will not trail blaze the Coast (now with Shirikisho) neither will it set any other region on fire.
Could it be Uhuru? Non starter. Might as well invest all the campaign funds in an interest bearing account…right now.
Could it be Raila? Ha ha ha.
Could it be Balala? Same as could it be Raila. Further, this Shirikisho thing has provided Balala with a 24 hour job; i.e. manning his seat.
Could it be Ojiambo? Ojia.. who?
Could it be Musalia? This I don’t know. I’m of the opinion that Wicki will follow Raila to the grave. He knows the repercussions of flip flopping.
Could it be an unknown corporate jamaa? Kwani the aforementioned will be zooobing tu?
This is what I expect from KMs die-hard fans: the choice of VP is inconsequential in few or many words. The entire prospective line-up is more important to voters…. the three/four VPs, nine PMs etc …. Raia (common man) amegutuka.
Mukubali musikubali, KM is by all means on the ballot. Raila on the other hand could be lynched if he dropped out of the race whereas Kibaki is automatically on the ticket (whether he knows it or not). Come Election Day, you’ll see three main formidable presidential candidates.
This ‘thing of ours’ might come down to choice of VP.
Oh, and by the way, Adhis.. Cicilia is just a friend.
Hey Kalamari tighen your skin pores for surely you have stirred hornet's nest. Nonetheless your question remains very petinet and will at least make Chris regain his bearing after the evident disorienttation for jouney back home.
ReplyDeleteWhile Chris restricts his forces to only three ignoring even the two remaining fingers on one hand, the truth is that fingers from both hands will be exhausted in counting thenumber of political forces.
The Mungatanas of this world find themselves in very strange territory and after waxing croc-mouthy, the chap is left home and dripping wet. The guys and many others are yet to be weaned off textbook siasa and be Kenyan.
On the horizon is MK, Emilio not KM, smilling all the way to the bid house as he pays ODM with their own dirty coin of regional conglomeration. See Shirikisho (Phil its Sh and not ss, get tutorials from Adhis if need be and bill me) and many more to come and what you have are structured tribalsim taking official shape.
ODM have no monolopy of political bad manners in gathering tribal chiefs to the main table. Well to the boiling pot of Kenyans politics.
Chris, as you get you tom-tom/satnav/compass calibrated, just to remind you that you forgot about Koinange Street. Some are regulars there.
ReplyDeleteYes, they spend quality time there on Fridays, when they want to stay away from those who elected them, or when their party chiefs are out of the country and there is no funeral that certain ministers are attending outside Nairobi.
Back to Chris topic, I think Kalonzo is yet to identify with a running mate simply because he is not even sure of himself. He does not even know how is is going to be elected. Either by consensus or balloting within the confused ODM. They are really confused and a big let down to democracy.
It is pear-shaped from the Orange Party and I pity Kalonzo. For Rutto, he does not even exist in the programming talks.
I thought for once that Rutto or Musalia Mudavadi could make a running mate, but as things are turning out to be in the baba na mama front, it will be a mountain to climb.
Unless and if only they find the Lord. otherwise, they will go back to the old system and let Kanu with UK as president, Musalia as VP and the accept to lose, or let Kalonzo go as the Kanu presidential candidate. But he has not been that for five years after giving them a bloody nose in 2002. I dont think they will accept him easily.
Kalamari, next time, you go to Big Five or T-Ten, or that one near Daystar, do they still exist, its years...
No Kalamari, I did not call any of those heavily accented kamba/kiuk gals working at the call centre. I called Steve himself. I am actually starting to believe those small little allegations that the man is a coward because he was raising his voice saying..this weekend we are demanding...He never demanded a thing. All he said was 'I am urging my colleagues to respect party rules.' It is time we got to political hard tackling and this diplospeak is gonna take us nowhere.
ReplyDeleteAbout running mate, Kalonzo, just like Raila Odinga doesnt need a running mate. Mwalimu taabu has said it all. Kalonzo can use the councillors in mwingi as his imaginary running mates coz all he is winning is a parliamentary seat. Raila Odinga' case is even worse, he'd better advocat for cession so that he can become the president of luo nyanza. He can have the ever whispering Ayiecho olweny as his running mate.
The reason i am saying all this is coz these gluttonous guys cannot unite. I still believe they should unite behind kalonzo with musalia as running mate if only to win the elections.
mambo ya the stakes of being MP in kenya, manze hiyo job ni poa. You only work 16 hours a week and you get over 700000. That's cool and it is something I can behead someone for. Why not?
the last time I was there, Ikuuni was the shit. I dont know now.
Oh gosh Kalamari you read my mind, going through your post I was wondering who is this Cicilia Mwikali mwana wa Mutua? Anyway interesting post on whose going to be Kalonzo Musyoka's running mate.
ReplyDeleteFrom the list of ODM presidential hopefuls the only person who is slightly subordinate to Kalonzo is Uhuru born in 1961 while Kalonzo born in 1953, though I dont think Uhuru is capable of pulling more votes than Kibaki from Mt. Kenya region, the other option would be Ruto born in 1966 and is capable of pulling votes from Rift Valley which is a big region.
I forgot Musalia is also slightly subordinate born 1960 but he will not even get substantial votes from his region if he not ODMs running mate.
ReplyDeleteMr kumekucha i have a suggestions , ask your fans to start guessing what you look like or reveal your identity for a prize , ithink it will be awesome to break away from all the depressing kenyan siasa.
ReplyDelete