New Electoral Commission Boss Must Deliver

He has been hailed as the new non-partisan and smart head of our hitherto discredited electoral body. But can the city lawyer Ahmed Issack Hassan deliver given the politically polarized and poisoned Kenya?

Youth can be both a curse and a blessing. If being savvy and upright was to be derived from modern education and exposure then youthfulness would readily qualify as a blessing. But that may be a tall order given our HELL FOR LEATHER culture as a standard for success. We have seen youthful leaders speedily turn their age into a curse by competing against themselves to catch the older sloths ahead. They have an elastic appetite to grab as much as they can within the shortest time possible.

You cannot fail to hear the deafening sound of TRIBAL GONGS among the Parliamentary Service Commission (PSC). The 39-year old Hassan must have been arrived at as a compromise with roots from the minority and marginalized part of Kenya. Even Ole Kaparo impressive record could not save him from being associated with PNU after failing to retain his speaker’s post with unanimous PNU support.

Curse of youth
All eyes are on Ahmed Hassan and fingers crossed he will banish the ghost of DECEPTION and FRAUD from our midst by exercising his mandate fearlessly and competently. All that hope is premised on the scoundrels in parliament having their acts together this time round and not introducing sideshows.

The consequences of any further procrastination are so grim to contemplate. But don’t hold your breathe yet on any matter where these scavengers hold both the yam and the knife.

Lawyers are often referred to as LEGAL scoundrels and you need look no further to confirm that. A look at their penchant to LEGALLY DEFEAT justice with eyes singularly trained on their fat bank accounts is enough. If confirmed, Ahmed Hassan must use his new post to help Kenyans reclaim their country from the jaws of murderous gate keepers. Will he bell the cat? Well, the jury is still out there on a leisurely tour.

Raila And Ali: Men Of The Month March

Gosh this year is really flying, is it not? Easter is already here with us and yet it was just the other day that we were toasting the brand new year.

Well the month of March did not prove to be the ides of March for the Grand Coalition government but then May beckons. But that is not the subject of this post.

I would like to honour two exceptional gentlemen for what they did in the month of March and I will start with the right honorable Prime Minister Raila Odinga. In the month just ended two days ago, Raila started making noise about his salary and rejected any suggestion that he should be paid the same as the Vice President. In fact he said that he would rather do without a salary than get paid what the VP is being paid.

Now we all know how hard working the PM is. After all he also made history in the month of March by issuing a state of the nation address to the press. Phil of Kumekucha tells us that no other Kenyan leader has ever done that before. So why should the prime minister be paid the same as the VP when he is making history and working so hard?

We are also aware that over 10 million Kenyans are in danger of starving and some may even die as a result of hunger-related complications. However that has absolutely nothing to do with the Prime Minister’s pay. The commentator here in Kumekucha who suggested that all leaders from President Kibaki should take a salary cut in these hard times must have been clean out of his mind. HOW??? How do our hard working leaders end up NOT being paid? What does it matter if a few Kenyans die of hunger? I mean Kenyans are dying all the time from Aids, cholera and stupidity of all kind. So what is so special about now? Ashindwe!!!!

Obama, Odinga, Oliech!!!

I mean lets face it Kenyans have to learn how to respect the office of the Prime Minister after all he is one of the principals. The people of this country really have a lot of matharau I mean how do they expect a whole Prime Minister to operate from a toilet office? Why are people opposed to the planned, almost Kshs 1 billion office for the PM in the former Shell House? Does it matter if Raila is the last Prime Minsiter Kenya will ever have? (Indeed he should be because no politician in Kenya compares to Agwambo. Not even Tom Mboya comes close). Besides the PM’s office can later be turned into the President’s office so Agwambo does not have to move because surely there is nobody else who can be president of Kenya. Is there?

We need reforms badly and we need a new beginning and the youthful 64 year old ODM captain (who is also a serious soccer fan which emphasizes his young age) is the only man who can deliver the much needed change as he has already proved during his short stint as PM.

Kenyans need to give the grand coalition government more time to do their thing. After all poor leaders cannot help the people. We need leaders with cash bulging out of their pockets and literally oozing out of the ears to give the much needed handouts to the people during their meet-the-people tours, especially around election times.

Kudos our beloved PM you are a great inspiration to the country kicking up a storm about your salary at a time like this.

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Our other man of the month is a man that the PM has vowed to deal with. It is none other than Maj gen Hussein Ali himself. The man earns this accolade for defending the honour of the police at all costs. His performance was at its’ peak during the troubles at Kenyatta University at the end of last month. When journalists asked about the student who was shot, the police commissioner fired from the hip and without thinking just like his kwekwe squad wild-west-shoot-out-heroes. Shoot first and ask questions later, is the motto that has helped Ali’s force literally wipe out violent crime. After all we all know that Kenya is much safer these days than before Ali. The tough soldier has just scared almost all criminals out of existence. “It is just a matter of time before the remaining ones are dealt with,” as the good commissioner is always telling us. Kenyans have to understand that if a few innocent people die in the process, this is no big deal. After all more lives are saved in the end by the police eliminating those murderous thugs.

Ali, Kwekwe, Jelimo: Bringing thugs to a speedy meeting with their maker

Anyway as I was saying, in answering questions from the press Ali denied any shooting even before the journalist had finished asking his question. The fact that later he changed his position and said that he would investigate if any policeman actually fired live ammunition at the students is neither here nor there. Ali also strongly denied that his officers had raped anybody after all the GSU are known to be self respecting eunuchs who are incapable of raping anybody. If rape actually did take place then the students probably raped themselves or were raped by other students.

Congratulations Maj gen Ali for protecting your officers from false accusations.

Warning: This was a tongue in the cheek post. Please do not make comments about how Chris has been bought by Raila and Ali


P.S. I have said here before that I think the guys at Safaricom led by Michael Joseph are just brilliant. If you still doubt this, sample the latest innovation from Mr Joseph and his boys (and girls). The cell phone service provider giant has now entered the business of giving unsecured loans and are set to make a killing doing it with no bad debts to talk of. Okoa Jahazi is a new service that has been launched today where subscribers can borrow airtime of upto Kshs 50 and pay back within 72 hours. Of course all this is recovered the next time you load airtime into your phone. The fee for doing this is Kshs 5/-. What this means is that Safaricom will be earning 10% interest on the millions of small loans they will be dishing out. Please note that this is NOT 10% annual interest but 10% on each loan. WOW!!! Even the small loans kings at Equity must be going green with envy.

P.S.2 Two days ago I wrote here about a very innovative new service for tracking your stolen mobile phone. Some people thought that it was an April fool’s prank. IT WAS NOT!!! The service actually exists right here in Kenya and you can find out more HERE. The post by Taabu about Ali’s firing was the April fool’s prank which some of our readers actually fell for. Somebody called me very excited to confirm what he termed as the best news he has heard in a long time. It broke my heart that I had to disappoint them with the bad news that it was NOT true.