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Monday, January 03, 2011

5th Kumekucha Top Bloggers Awards 2011

Happy new year to you all. After burying the eventful 2010 and showering politicians with accolades, it is time to honour the people who keep this blog alive and kicking. The bloggers here provoke the political heat that very few can stand as evident in the numerous standpoints. So here we go with our 5th KK bloggers award for 2011.

Topping the table is one and only Mwarang'ethe with his fidelity to remind all and sundry about political OPIUM. Mwarang'ethe's educative sermons on matters wealth, land and tax are legendary on this blog. Give it to the man for his wisdom alloyed in history-tested Sumarian folklore. Woe unto the intellectual feather weights who dare challenge him for he has no qualms going bare knuckles ready with abbreviated web references to back his takes. He may be staying abroad but Bw Mwarang'ethe never hides his disdain at cheap WESTERN solutions. Just pop any matter (political, economic or legal even biblical) and Mwarang'ethe will match it shredding you into pieces in the process before taking a deserved mouthful of pop corns drowned in e-mursik. This blog wouldn't have been the same in 2010 without Mwarang'ethe's ready red flags always signaling doomsday lurking in the shadows.

Accolades to Mwarang'ethe is no justice without crowning Oracle who epitomizes insider information so tactfully delivered he often leaves his target biting the dust. Oracle is a whole package who consistently takes off the wind from the sails of intellectual pretenders. Besides checkmating bravado, he simply breathes fresh air into any dialogue here.

Next award goes to the ebullient Mpesa with his straight shooting posts. You don't have to like Mpesa for he takes no hostages in his numerous parodies against the political class. He never shies away from reminding the king of his nudity. And while at it no tribal warlord escapes his thorny barbs. No wonder his Martha Karua choice for KK person of the year 2010 eventually carried the day.

Blogger Philip gets the award for stabilizing posts. His back to the basics often rubs the e-high priests the wrong way. Philip's love of the basics is so refreshing he stitches the lips of all e-loud-mouths. And while at it he spares none of so-called political big guns no matter their ethnicity. Together with Philip, Muru wa Gacii and Bobby6Killer are the other sprinklers of barbs and banquets to those who deserve them. Thanks guys for reigning with sanity.

And who can forget one Luke for daring the BOSS never to pander to explicit posts lest he corrupts his FAMILY BLOG? Luke's posts seamlessly blends both humour and hard facts to perfection. Whipping everybody into shape is his forte and woe unto the tribal warlords for crossing the path of his sparkling white HORSE. His search for HORSELESS merits e-cop award in readines to head candidate Atwoli's PR team.

Speaking of FIDELITY and horses, you must give it to Phil for his consistency. He may not have been as active here as before but you only rule Phil out at your own political peril. And he never masks his horse whom he rides and backs with facts while always keeping it civil.

Last which could as well be first, a deserved award to Chris for his dare devil posts. Nothing is a taboo here to him whether it is the tribal myths or stereotypes you will find them here all spread out to hang. Chauvinists will rue the day they discovered this blog for Chris' posts leaves them livid with rage that also hooks them here in equal measure. If you have no woken up from stereotypical hangovers, well you are better advised KUMEKUCHA.

And finally the ultimate award goes to all the silent readers and critics of this political blog for their warmth and heat respectively. Your loyalty kept the blog going and without you, all the efforts would have been akin to a parent punishing an unresponsive kid. This pre-elecetion year promises to be a furnace and we hope the many 'anonymouses' will acquire handles that let them feature in 6th KBA of 2012. Happy new year and let us keep the heat on in service to our motherland.

Just whispered into Kumekucha Chris' ear: A certain contender for the presidency in 2012 has instructed his handlers to dig up all the dirt they can find on Martha Karua. KwaniKumekucha is how inflential? Because this happened shortly after we named her the person of the year 2010 and said we would be willing to support her bid for the highest office in the land. Of course the whole idea of digging up dirt on Karua is to totally derail the iron lady's presidential ambitions when push comes to shove. As most of you know, Martha is very very vulnerable especially where her personal life is concerened so she had better get prepared early. Folks get ready for high wire drama as the contenders and pretenders to the throne get bare knuckled in their fight for the presidency. All indications are that the campaign proper has already started.

DARK SECRETS OF THE KENYAN PRESIDENCY By Kumekucha is a controversial and important book. Now you can get this valuable work for FREE. Simply fill in your name and email address below. Wait for my email because you will need to confirm your order. If you do not receive my response within a few minutes please check your spam folder.

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Anonymous said...

What about when mwara' posts as 'anonymous' we need to give him serious credit (oops an economic term, pun intended) for stooping so low! Jokes aside may the blog live on keep the debates alive people ... the oracle might have spoken

Mwarang'ethe said...

Thanks Taabu.

We also salute your contributions to KK. Who can forget your witty sarcasm on African leaders and the masses?

Meanwhile, we wish all a Blessed 2011.

Anonymous said...

Taabu u suck

Anonymous said...

Taabu posting as Anon 11.24 am
You OLD Bat, it's funny that you are awarding accolades and at the same time, subscribing to the very actions you accuse mwarang'ethe of, bure kabisa.

Anonymous said...

@ KK"Gatekeepers" seems like 2011 has changed NOTHING!


Thanks man, speechless!!! simply sums it up for me.

In my humble opinion, I also think that Bobby6Killer and Muru wa Gacii deserve a worthy & notable mention, probably more than myself. In the same breadth Mwara"N"gethe, you have been OUTSTANDING!, even though at times I throw barbs at you, nevertheless bravo man.

All "Silent" and avid KK readers, this year PIGENI NDURU we want to register complaints from NEMA.

Experimenting with Vanilla flavoured mursik.

The Oracle has Spoken

Anonymous said...


we look forward to a year filled with political heat and web shaking comments from KK heavy weights. True, your nominees make visiting KK worth it.

Anonymous said...

In my humble opinion i think Taabu deserve the top honor!
For royalty and faithfulness to this blog. He's been here since this blog was launched and still here 24/7.
This blog is now a home and confide to one lonely troubled soul Taabu.
I which all the readers would show this kind of royalty/comittment.

Taabu said...

Your observations are DULY noted and acted upon. Kudos to Gacii and Bobby6killer for reigning with sanity.

Anonymous said...

Should I take the KBA 2011 with a grain of homemade salt or offer a tongue in cheek response?

And the 'Tongue In Cheek Award' for deleting comments that don't support intended views or carry affirming reponses goes out to TAABU.

NB: 15 NOCs (non offensive comments) were deleted from TAABU's posts alone between July-November 2010.

Anonymous said...

Bana eeeh, swali, who are the top 15 bloggers @Kumekucha? Don't forget to extend credit where its due by the end of 2011.

@2:28 PM
There are no free rides my friend, you will bite the e-dust everytime you fail to toe the line or adhere to decorum.

Anonymous said...

And why wasn't I nominated? I award myself KEBS (Kumekucha Elder of the Burning Spear)

Simply me,

Silent reader.

Phil said...

"Blogger Taabu said.....Just pop any matter (political, economic or legal even biblical) and Mwarang'ethe....."



Cheers. Tupewe ma obama, supu na ulimi chemsha, au siyo? Bill ni yako.

In awarding 'Mwarash' how could you forget the one and only Bob Marley?

Anonymous said...

@3:02 PM

Why not seek the Kumekucha Elder of Alfajiri Award or Kumekucha's Mapambazuko Blogger Year Award.

Seek and?

Anonymous said...

Mwarang'ethe, congrats and happy new year... your contributions have been and are priceless...

Ken Thumbi

Anonymous said...

The following people sucks:


I hate them all!!

kumekucha said...

Thanx guys for making Kumekucha. Thanx Taboo for caring enough to step in when some people go AWOL. Really appreciated.

Chris Kumekucha

M. Pesa said...

Couldn't agree more. Mwarangethe tops up there with TAABU who has surely kept the blog afloat even when Chris was on the run from NSIS. Good work bwana TAABU, if only the Ocampo six had read your posts about the oncoming Hague Express!

Happy New Year to all Kumekuchans. Hope you will stick to your new year's resolutions if you made any. Mine is to stop going to the many fake churches dotted all over the country with so many fake pastors who just want my hard earned cash. I'm not setting foot into any church that is under 30 years old!

Bobby6Killer said...

Well it seems for a change the Oracle has mis-spoken ;-).

Chris, I don't think the powers that be are that concerned with how the chattering class (the urbanites) vote. We are quite insignificant in terms of voting strength. Moi wrote off Nairobians for very many years knowing full well the real battlefied is determined by the rural folk. That's where the numbers are.

Anonymous said...

Such words are warm praise indeed from the champion BULL(y) of Kumekucha. Thank you for being faithful and a walking dictionary in KK,but reclaim your truly HORSELESS former crown won't you?

please to all the acknowledged E-winners and unacknowledged E-readers let us keep up the efforts to read and leave comments at this popular FAMILY blog beloved by cooks and househelps.

We need many more just like you for only brand new thinking and leadership can change Kenya

Philip said...


Mention religion and you'll always bet I'll respond.

On tithing: I recommend "Should the church teach tithing" by Russell Kelly. So far no leading biblical scholar and clergy has responded to the book. I pity ignorant Christians who have continued being exploited by tithing doctrines. The doctrine is so legalistic that its not difficult to find a Christian who can't fail to tithe, but always selfish to neighbours.

On alcohol: An hour ago I was arguing with a Christian who still believes taking alcohol, no matter how small, is sinful. I told him to separate alcohol as an object, and abuse of alcohol, and further separate physiological problems associated with alcohol and sin. There was one who even believed alcohol is sin, I asked her if she uses mouthwash. You'll have seen the reaction when I told her probably the mouthwash she uses has over 70% ethanol.

Anonymous said...

Any attempts on trying to dig up some so called dirty on Martha Karua will be a real waste of time.

As a matter of fact, the sleazy contender, oh excuse me, I meant the known pretender to the thrown is ignoring the fact that what goes around comes around, and in the world of post-2007 Kenyan politics 101, the boomerang will be the political weapon of choice for his kind.

Why would anyone in their right mind waste valuable time and resources on digging up some little dirt from Martha Karua's kiondo (shopping basket), only to have well known sludge drendged from their several clandestine bedrooms (around the city and country) and political septic backyards?

Martha Karua may seem to be vulnerable in some aspects, most thing considered, however, she is better off than some contenders and pretenders would want the public to believe.

Anyway, put it this, for every single venial sin that has been committed by Martha Karua, the contenders and pretenders are known to have committed five-to-ten mortal sins.

So, let the inquisition begin courtesy of the the moral police, and let the public find out who will be the last man or woman standing after the rest of the contenders and pretenders have been burnt at the stakes after December of 2012.

BTW, what does a good and honest politician demand of him/herself first and last?

Last but least, I would also like to extend my thanks to Chris, all Kumekucha residents, associates, bystanders, walk-throughs ('wapeta-njia'), fence sitters ('waruka-ukuta'), outsiders (wale wa kambo), neighbours (jirani), and to all the wonderful, vast, vociferous and engaged uamati in the diaspora and Afrika Mashariki.

Anonymous said...

@M.Pesa & @Philip,

What's the real problem with giving away some ten percent or more of your weekly earnings?

Toa sadaka, give a minimum of $100 or more during every Sunday services, major holidays, the church's anniversary, pastor's and his wife's birthdays, and whenever sadaka is called for by those who know better and understand why sadaka is so vital to the uplift of those at the helm.

How comes "so many fake pastors who just want your hard earned cash" are not leaving you alone unless you have shown them your gold crested wallet?

Must I remind you that during the dark ages of the past, the more cunning and crafty pastors were not so low to offer the best spiritual remedy ever for your hard earned herds of cattle or prize bull.

Whenver they unttered the words "Come into my tent, embrace my faith, accept my dogma, and I will give you a ticket that will admit you straightaway into heaven when you die.

Woe unto you if you remain out of my tent, and may the devil take you and burn you throughout eternity."

Come on, M-Pesa (ATM), why don't you enter the tent, embrace the sadaka dogma and always remain in the fold as a good, obedient and faithful follower?

Anonymous said...


Does a Well Known University based in Boston USA ring a Bell?... M.I.T, ooops did I say that, uta do?. Ivy league Alumni

Kwani Taabu, you were only nominating diaspora educated bloggers? Wewe wacha zako

Oracles traitor friend

Anonymous said...

Kumekucha is a blog full of male chauvinism who come here to inflate their egos.

How dare, only a day after 'endorsing' a female president for 2012, Kumekucha readers' award did not remember a single female reader/commentator ....that's very telling.

I am sure you even forget God needed a woman to bring a saviour to this world. The word was made flesh through a woman. (That word was Jesus) If men are so important as they claim to be, why did God not choose a man to bear His son?

Phil's Mistress

Anonymous said...

@Phils mistress,

Whoaaah! Hold on to your frothy mouth, which women are this in the first place? I believe non has made an impact on KK. As you spew your estrogen hyped emotions on the blog, do remember no Kenyan woman will be PORK not in 2012 and not in 2017, and just to make you happy, Phils mistress you have been awarded e-fart of the year award, their you have it.

Anonymous said...

@Phil's mistress,
Stop trying too hard to look relevant. This is 2011 and you remain stuck in feminist era of last millenium.

You even fail to see the lack of imagination in your own handle that is an appendage of a man, LOL. And as for Sunday school sermon, please get a certificate to teach toddlers first, ama you are one upstairs yourself?

Anonymous said...

Most kenyan men are gays

Anonymous said...

I really hate to come out of the closet, call it comfort zone, and admit that long long time ago, my community of origin desperately needed a chauvinist cligue in their midst, so they brought several individuals from across the ridges beyond the highlands west of the great river, who later helped and managed to birth, raise and educate 80% of the current breed of their chauvinist descendents.

@8:01 AM

Over due apologies to you, and on behalf the Awards Community, I hereby nominate you for the "5th Kumekucha Top Bloggers Awards 2011."

When all is said and done, would you help me understand:

i) Why the CoU, Creator of the Universe, would require or enlist the abysmal services of any mortal in order to help save the world or a creative process that was put in motion by the same CoU at the biginning of time?

ii) Why is it that man (woman) has been asking the still-unanswered questions, "whence" and "whither" for the last four hundred years?

"Where did I come from, and where am I going?"

iii) If Kumekucha is really infested with egotistical characters who gather here for the sole purpose of inflating their egos and bonds, then why don't you flex your intellectual muscle and re-educate some of them for a change?

For your general information, check out a book entitled 'A CATALOGUE OF THE GODS' in which thirty thousand (30,000) gods are listed as having been worshiped by man.

Think of it! Thirty thousand of them, represented by everything from a crawfish to a man.

Tamaku said...

Can I just say that sadly, MOST Kenyan men are NOT gay. Peace.

Tamaku said...

Can I just say that, sadly, MOST Kenyan men are NOT gay. Peace.

Anonymous said...

The "5th Kumekucha Top Bloggers Awards 2011" goes to the unsung heroes and heroines who taught and helped some of us learn in elementary physics that the entire world is made up of only two things, energy and matter.

And neither matter nor energy (the only two realities known to humans) can be created nor destroyed.

Both matter and energy can be transformed, but neither can be destroyed.

I did forgive the grammar nazis for the daily dose of double humiliation that some of us experienced before our peers.

Guess, they were just trying to do their job as required by the curriculum.

Anonymous said...

Tamaku what a creative name you have, what if we re-arrange your name and begin with the letter Ma-ta-ku(0) are you trying to spread your butty boy philosophies on KK, please spare us.

Anonymous said...


Please please do not turn this family blog into a gay lobby. Some of us cannot stomach homosexuality let alone gay ponography.
I wonder why you have not deleted some of comments here.
Also get rid of this sicko Tamaku. this batty boy is a gay crudaser and lobbyist.
Kick his shafted ass outta here!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Tamaku, I like your writing style you can spin a good yarn , ignore the haters ,pili pili wasioila isi waashe.

@Mwanrangthe you earned your position congrats!

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