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Wednesday, January 12, 2011

How To Fund The Ocampo 6 in 2011

Revive your wet "seemingly dead" cell phone or make new all your scratched CDs DVDs

Noble causes are many, and even the best ones come and go leaving no trace behind except the feeling of snugness on the inside for having contributed to such a clear cut and straightforward demonstration of human will.

The campaigns are here with us, and indeed have started in earnest and are well underway on how to raise some extra cash to fund the trial of the Ocampo 6. Never mind that the implementation of some key reform programmes under the new Constitution may be delayed due to a shortage of money; there is always a surplus when the right people's lives are at stake for without key irreplaceable people to govern it what is a country?

These are rather hard times(see yesterday's blogpost) and the Ocampo 6 list of suspects already face the cold contempt of the public in daring them to touch public taxes to raise this aid money yet the internally displaced persons are still living in make shift homes 4 years after, and the average working mwananichi is already burdened with overtax. Therefore some inspiration is required on how to fund the list of suspects:

The soft underbelly of the NARC government was never intended to be used to serve partisan interests but instead was strictly earmarked to provide equal oppportunities for all constituencies to construction of roads, markets and schools; however its also true that the only specificic measurement of its effectiveness is how well it cushions Wanjiku from suffering, and MPs and other constitutional office holders also fall into that bracket. Rather than letting the chips fall where they may, let each county use their resources compassionately to determine the outcome of the fate of their leading stakeholders last passage of rites (read MP)

2)Wealthy local businessmen
Campaign funds can be financed through local sources such as shrewd businessmen who can see in which direction the wind is blowing and supply cash to the trial of the list of suspects in hopes of obtaining favours from them through their counties in the form of lucrative government contracts to provide services to such regions whose MPs are busy appearing in court and galantly fighting false accusations of crimes against humanity. This will in no doubt improve the suspects image in leaps and bounds and further boost their post prison presidential bids in a grand way

3)Political party sponsors
Every political party in Kenya has its backers, and sometimes they have even been foreigners. These sponsors know how the bread of political parties is buttered, and using their political skills and past experience can pour their bottomless funds into the trial of the Ocampo 6. The favour will be returned by having their name etched in the halls of government which they can then use to open doors for them in future to gain government backing for awards of tenders

4)The Church
These include the church network which has a well known reputation for sponsoring community projects that benefit the country and this is no exception. Kenyans are a religiously church going people, and clearly the church in Kenya has bottomless bags of money as seen from the recent constitution referendum, they can successfully fund causes they believe in to be just

Withdrawing from the Hague will not stop the ICC process, and tackling the bull by the horns and head on is the only way to ease panic among the political class. no matter public opinion everyone deserves a fair trial before being found guilty in the eyes of the one and only law, and funding the Ocampo 6 will give them a chance to go down fighting. God bless Kenya


Mwarang'ethe said...

Luke, unakula nini siku hizi? Sample this:

Wealthy local businessmen Campaign funds can be financed through local sources such as shrewd businessmen who .... in hopes of obtaining favours from them through their counties in the form of lucrative government contracts to provide services to such regions..."


It does not matter how you spin it. At the end of the day, Wanjiku has to be taxed/robbed so as to provide revenue to the so called counties which will then award so called lucrative contracts to so called businessmen.

And, if so, why not just ask Wanjiku to pay mara moja?


The only way forward is an honest monetary system which does not allow the GOK to print money at will for such nonsense.

But, that sounds too UTOPIAN to the PRACTICAL MEN of this world. So, keep on yelling kama kuku against the hawk in the sky for thats what PRACTICAL MEN do.


More so, prepare for serious trouble ahead. Have you watched Tunisia and Algeria?

Sample this:

"KRA misses revenue target by Sh5bn."

"The Kenya Revenue Authority collected Sh303 billion in the six-month period against an expectation of Sh308 billion."


In response we say, thank Almighty for small mercies.

However, we are aware that, the GOK will just print the money which has its issues.

Sample this as well:

"Lack of funds could derail Kenya reforms"

"The implementation of some of the key reform programmes under the new Constitution may be delayed due to a shortage of money.


To this, we say once again, thank God Almighty for such small mercies.

Yes, we know some are mourning. If you are mourning, we propose a simple solution.

Write to Waweru TOMORROW and tell him to increase his take from your income.

In other words, since you want this thing implemented so much and it will require more ROBBERY, and assuming your income tax is 30%, write to Waweru and tell him you would like to ASSIST in the implementation of the new law.

To this effect, please Waweru to tax your income at 60%. Problem solved.


And, the REAL DEAL is here:

"The government has signalled its intention of scaling down the big public spending witnessed in the last two years after Treasury released initial figures showing that this financial year’s budget will total Sh978.7 billion [from last year's Sh978.7.]"

However, our happiness is cut by this:

"But even as it projected a smaller budget than last year’s Sh998.8 billion - so far the biggest in Kenya’s history - Treasury permanent secretary Joseph Kinyua warned that the cost of implementing the new constitution would push the figure beyond the Sh1 trillion mark."


In other words, going by the figures we have now, Waweru will manage about Sh 616 billion.

This means that, if we will need Sh 1 trillion to IMPLEMENT our new laws, we will need to BORROW Sh 400 or there about.

On top of this, these guys are about to withdraw so called stimulus as we are reading this:

"But the proposed smaller budget is in line with the government’s stated policy of gradually unwinding the temporary monetary and fiscal stimulus package instituted since 2008."

mmmmmm, does the private sector have the means to take over? How can it take over when Waweru is busy robbing it?

Anyway, we are on the way to Mt Kenya of Human History with our mursik and popcorn.

We are rushing for an appointment with some ANCIENT ATHENIANS who have promised to educate us on the forktales of the FIRST GREAT CURRENCY CRASH of 407 B.C.

Anonymous said...

I had vowed never to bite the bait nor engage in lure coursing when it comes to certain posts, however I will take the bait by asking whether the ICC's Six Candidates from Kenya will be defended or hidden under the Kenya Yetu, Katiba Yetu, Maisha Yao (Yetu) Campaign?

Just in case you getting ready for the hearings at The Hague, here is a sample of one of the opening statements for the defence that will be representing the ICC's Six Candidates from Kenya.

Acts of monstrous criminality stand on their own and political opponents, ethnic rivals, and pundits should not manufacture a ... ... that only serves to incite the very hatred and violence that they purport to condemn.

Acts like those witnessed during the 2007 post election violence began and ended with the criminals who committed them, not collectively with all members of a particular ethnicity or political party.

Not with those who listened to radio, not with those who attended political rallies at night, not with heated election campaigns in swing districts, constituencies and provinces that were employed by all political parties.

Not with law-abiding citizens who respectifully exercised their Constitutional (First Amendment rights) at campaign rallies and their Ancestral rights.

Not with those who proudly voted and defended themselves and their properties during the last election.

The ICC's Six Candidates from Kenya have every right to defend themselves against political attacks, false accusations or when scapegoated for the crimes committed by monstrous criminals who are still at large.

Basic rights for free speech exercised by people of all political persuations and ethnicities should be protected at all costs

Now you know the real source from where the opening statements were cannibalized from. It's the land of the free and the brave and it's citizens can never be prosecuted at The Hague.

M. Pesa said...

All that madness of raiding our coffers just to rescue Jomo Jnr AKA the chosen one? Kibaki will surely go to any length to save the Uhuru and Muthaura faction of Ocampo Six. They have already anointed Uhuru to be the next president, pumbavu Kenyans wapende wasipende. Kwani mta do?

The 4 billion shillings wanted for legal aid (note the figure always balloons later on Kenyan style) is really peanuts to billionaires like Uhuru who is no doubt one of the richest Africans on the continent.

Alternatively what about one million plate lunch like Kibaki did for his election campaign at Safari Park? That bash reminds me Tupac's song: "Ain't nuthin' but a gangster party!"

Anonymous said...


Let the exported diaspora villagers wax lyrical about there annointed son. Why can't this passionate Gikuyu son help re-settle his IDP brethren on part of their grabbed 500,000 acres.

Bobby6Killer said...

Indeed Mpesa & anon 2:05 those are nagging questions only to those who believe in a fair & just world. UK will never spend a cent of "his own" money when he has direct access to other peoples money (OPM). Equally he cannot cave in to IDPs demands for land by giving them even an inch of his province-sized landholdings. Pandering to the wishes of mere humans is not a strategy the old moneyed class anywhere in the world believes in. If you want to be wealthy (NB: not simply rich), you must have a ruthless streak in you.

Anonymous said...

Which ruthless streak are you talking about? I thought the rich / wealthy are one and the same class, cream de la creme, aristrocrats and what have you. In your planet are they different.

Anonymous said...

Where is party of chungwa moja maisha bora in all this? Specifically, where is "that one"?

Mwarang'ethe said...

Bobbykiller wrote

Indeed Mpesa & anon 2:05 those are nagging questions only to those who believe in a fair & just world. UK will never spend a cent of "his own" money when he has direct access to other peoples money (OPM).


While we were enjoying our mursik and popcorn high in the Mt Kenya of Human History, we heard some weird conversations among some funny historians.

The conversations were about Oriental Despotism. They were saying something like this:

Since time immemorial, in the Oriental areas (read East/Asia), had a special kind of despotism.

This despotism consisted of THREE DEPARTMENTS. These were:

(a) Depart. of FINANCE, for INTERNAL PLUNDER, and


(c) depart. of PUBLIC WORKS.

Today, we call FINANCE MINISTRY the MOST prestigious post.

What about WAR depart? We call it, Depart. of DEFENCE.

We could not understand this story for it sounded like one of those FORK TALES from Sumeria.

Luckily, out of childish curiosity and IDLENESS, we came across a book called the Bible.

When we opened it, we found ourselves reading the book of 1 Samuel 8.

In that book, we read something like this:

"So all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah.

They said to him, “You are old, and your sons do not follow your ways; now appoint a KING to LEAD US, such as all the OTHER NATIONS have.”

NB: What were all OTHER NATIONS that these people were learning from?

This message surprised God. He tried to warn them with these words:

"This is what the king who will reign over you will claim as his rights:

He will take your sons and make them SERVE with his CHARIOTS and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots."

NB: Does that sound like Depart. of DEFENCE of the Oriental Despotism?

We got curious and continued reading the warnings:

"He will take the BEST of YOUR FIELDS and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his ATTENDANTS.

He will take a TENTH of your grain and of your vintage and give it to his OFFICIALS and ATTENDANTS."

NB: Shit! That sounds like a Depart. of FINANCE and its TAXATION arm.

NB: Do we hear the Orientals are the next super powers and we should look East?

May God have mercy.

Anyway, we found these stories unbelievable and INAPPLICABLE to the MODERN INTELLIGENT man with a mobile phone and a lap top.

Consequently, we decided to visit one of these Oriental areas. Specifically, we landed in a valley they call India around 19th Century .

When there, we read this:

"the Jelham River was covered with corpses during drought and the land became strewn with human bodies like a burial ground.

Hear this!

Yet the KING'S MINISTERS and GUARDS became rich selling STORES OF RICE at HIGH PRICES."

NB: Did we hear of maize scandal and such?

This information surprised us very much. So, in our idleness, we decided to ask for more stories. In response, we heard this:

There was a time when Agra and Delhi were scourged by a severe famine. Their GOVERNOR was Hemu. Of him, we are taught that:

"The people died with the word BREAD on the lips and yet Hemu valuing the lives of a HUNDRED THOUSAND MEN at no more than a BARLEY CORN, continued to FEED 500 ELEPHANTS upon RICE and SUGAR and Butter."

At this moment, we found it extremely difficult and BORING to understand the relevance of these stories to the MODERN man.

So, we asked Bob Marley to sing the song:

"So Much Things To Say" @

Anonymous said...


Did you see in Sunday Nation (i think 2 weeks ago) how much money mutula spends to feed lions in his ranch off msa rd? And this week ktn showed the depressing effects of drought in mbooni district. You have also seen miserable people eating wild fruits in baringo and pokot. Mzee moi wont do nothing. He is more concerned about same sex marriages. I think africans hate one another, even though you say this happens/happened in asia.

Kenyanese said...

So what we as Kenyans are to understand is that our hard earned money is to be taken from us to pay for the legal fees of 6 of the worst individuals responsible for bringing this country to the brink of civil war??

With the exception of Ali and Sang,how is it that we are supposed to pay money for the biggest looters of our economy-some who have been at it for 20 plus years?Others who are beneficiaries of mass land grabs?

Kenya's priorities are seriously one said where is the Fitina Party in all this?After all their putrid claims of honesty are too silent in this troubling matter.

Sipping yoghurt as the bufoonery of our Banana Republic continues.

Anonymous said...

anon 5.10

What u wrote is sad but true. In Mutuala's deluded small brain, animals in his 1,500 acre ranch are more important that stupid Kambas who elected him to office! These African leaders surely don't think, bure kabisa! Bloody useless! Bloody ngumia ku!

Mwarang'ethe said...

Did you see in Sunday Nation (i think 2 weeks ago) how much money mutula spends to feed lions in his ranch off msa rd? And this week ktn showed the depressing effects of drought in mbooni district. You have also seen miserable people eating wild fruits in baringo and pokot. Mzee moi wont do nothing. He is more concerned about same sex marriages. I think africans hate one another, even though you say this happens/happened in asia.

1/13/11 5:10 AM


We missed that story about Mutula. However, it does not come as a surprise at all. We expect it.

Now, it is not true that Africans hate Africans. It is not even true that, Africans are corrupt. Anyone who tells you this is talking rubbish.

Human NATURE is the same. Consequently, all humans have the capacity for corruption, stupidity, impunity, being brave etc etc.

Thus, what differs is only the PERSONALITY, or, qualities that get developed.

So why do PERSONALITIES differ? We answer it this way:

When the environment changes, for a turtle, it must change its nature because it has no culture.

However, for man, when environment changes, he merely changes his culture and thereby, his personality.


Having said the above, we can only fear for post 2012.

To the Jews, the rulers were CORRUPT. To remedy that corruption, they called for a King. How did that end?

In the same manner, Kenyans believing that, the problem was/is CORRUPT Kenyatta, Moi, Mwai, have demanded:

- counties with 47 governors,
- senators,
- more mps,
- more courts,
- endless commissions etc

They are about to find out the real deal for the bill is coming.

Kenyans believe a constitution is a legal document, but, the truth will be out soon.

We leave thee with this:

"The Normal State of Man: Misery & Tyranny" by Milton Friedman @

NB: He says, then, up to 1930, USA Govt. spending was less than 10%revenue.

NB: The GOK. expenditure by 2010 was about 30%. With the new constitution, this will grow to over 50%.

USA has been lucky to have an "advanced" economy. Kenya is not that lucky.

And, then, listen to the same guy talking about:

"Capitalism, socialism and the Jews." @

Anonymous said...

There is a time for everything at Kumekucha. This is one of those times when not to respond to the original post for obvious reasons.

Some of those issues will be taken up in another time and place.

The questions remain, who are the real "we"?

Are the real "we" any different from the those domiciled in the Banana Republic?

When will "we" stop "our" usual whining, 24/7-365 days, against the evils generated by the government, and take charge of "our" nation's destiny?

Kenya is not to blame for the misplaced priorities, it's the people who have always had their their priorities wrong, the proof is evidenced in the type of sordid characters that elected to parliament and local government during every election cycle.

What do "we" expect from "our" nation and elected politicians if "we" keeping doing the same things by sending the same crop of crooked old and young politicians to parliament as well as selecting corrupt people to be incharge of vital institutions and high offices around the country?

When will "we" start being more concerned about our hard earned independence, freedoms, rights, and hard earned democracy instead of "our" so called "hard earned money"?

Just so that you know, "we" are not a Banana Republic but "we" have always been a Village Republic with a huge population of Banana beer, Chang'aa whisky, Muratina, Busaa, Kwete, Kangara, Macore and Vikunge aficionados.

FYI, "we" are not better off sipping glorified maziwa lala or mala aka yorgurt.

Bobby6Killer said...

At anon 3:29, in your mind's eye, picture a pyramid. The truly wealthy make up the very tip of the pyramid... the top 1 percentile of society. The true creme de la creme. The Kenyatta's, Moi's, & to some degree the Kibaki's clearly fall into this class along with the Delamare's/Cholmondeley's who they emulate. The likes of Ruto & Kosgey are merely rich, inspite of all their perceived trappings of wealth. They are nouveau riche attempting to play the wealth game. Allow me to quote Chris Rock to further illuminate you on the difference to what, from your limited perspective (because they all own "things"), may seem like a monolithic aristocratic class:

"For Chris Rock, being wealthy means having
financial holdings so immense that they can
be passed down through generations.
"Shaq is rich," he said, referring to the Los
Angeles Lakers' Shaquille O'Neal, "but the
white man who signs his check is wealthy.
Oprah is rich, but Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill
Gates suddenly woke up with Oprah's
money, he'd slit his throat."

See the diff?

Anonymous said...

What's up with this power black out in Nairobi?

Anonymous said...


My 2 Cents worth, our budget is racing towards the Ksh 1 Trillion mark due to a myriad of factors and not soley due to "IMPLEMENTING our new laws"

The first phase, of Implementing our new laws will cost the tax payer about Ksh 6.8 Bn, lets say approx 0.06% of the Budget, but this is Kenya approximate can tend to mean, this aint it..

Out of that the "Randico Jundicial surngery" will cost the highest at Ksh 450 M and others like PLOs KACC set to be renamed Ethics & Anti-Corruption Commission about Ksh 218M.

About the Budget deficit, well Bw. Waweru has now sharpened his teeth and claws further; VAT exemptions are set to be SCRAPPED within the next fiscal year, which account for between Ksh 15 Bn & 20 Bn per year, though the Economic Secretary Bw. Mwau avers that VAT is set to come down from 16%.

Anyway man, just make sure you don't get "attacked" by Chronic mountain sickness, seeing that you are perched on top od Mt.Kenya of Human History and you know that Mursik can only aggravate Mountain disease.

Meanwhile, I am preparing more Mursik, just in case you opt to replenish your reserves.

The Oracle has Spoken

Anonymous said...

The Kenyatta, Moi, Biwott, Kibaki, et al dynasties are only wealthy by Kenyan colonial standards, no more, no less.

Can they justify what they have done to get the money?

Does one African tycoon who was known as Royal King Mobutu Sese Seko ring a bell?

He was 500% wealthy than all the Kenyatta, Moi, Biwott, Kibaki et al combined.

The question is, what became of his wealthy station in life?

Let's not even bother with trying to figure out what became of his mighty name that was once revered, exalted and worshipped by millions of his subjects for decades under his rule.

Anonymous said...


What happened to " I would rather die than resign " the grapevine is awash with stories of how he is busy with his lawyers as KACC is hot on his heels - From Safaricom , Kenya Airways, Equity ,KenGen , Kenya Railways, Grand Regency and a host of other privitazations and shoddy deals to name but a few .... heard that KACC is all gaga about the variety they have nailed him with, they are so many that they are spoilt for choice..... they are waiting in gleen to throw the book at him when CJ leaves ....hint hint 25 files prepped and ready.

And finally Kibakis henchmen have told him blankly we are not going down alone, hence AU withdrawal stra and footing legal bills.The funds drive never cought fire. He better use his private stash to pay off the legal fees of his two main amigos -Muthaura and Ali as fleecing the public to defend them will not wash - at least thats a public acknowledgement that the Ocampo train has left the plafform and heading straight into a tunnel where they will be travelling on board blind and it aint no stopping anywhere for them to jump off.

If all things remain the same alot of people will end up in the poor house. clinging to power by all means necesarry has its side effects.

Mwarang'ethe said...

Anonymous said...

My 2 Cents worth, our budget is racing towards the Ksh 1 Trillion mark due to a myriad of factors and not soley due to "IMPLEMENTING our new laws"



However, when you are in a hole, the first thing you ought to do is to stop digging.


Meanwhile, although not related, some years back, we noted that, the FREE EDUCATION of Kibaki will end up as a failure. As usual, that observation was rejected by many.

Are we not seeing the "prophecy" come true in 2010? The rich have moved to private schools leaving public schools to the poor.


Also, as we pay millions to akina Nyachae and Chiserem to implement ou wonderful laws, see who is paying the bill.

We do not have all the details and therefore, it is impossible to say much.

However, why should such poor and weak people be ROBBED by Waweru so as to pay so called implementers of a constitution which will never help them?

Anonymous said...

While you talk about how to protect the 6, let me remind you of the reality:

Bobby6Killer said...

@ anon 10:26, indeed our wealthy overlords are downright parochial when compared to those who really run the show. The Delameres & Kenyatta's would be very junior vassals in the courts of the Rothschilds or Rockerfellers. Old money is only 3 generations deep in KE as even the Delameres had lost everything in Europe & were making a fresh start in the Kenya Colony. Njonjo & Nyachae can claim to be old money (though Njonjo has "killed" his lineage) while Johnston Kamau was the Ruto type self made thug of his day.

The ruling class is begging for open rebellion if they pursue defending any of the 6 through public coffers. In fact they should pay back all they stole before it is lost in their western offshore stash accounts.

Anonymous said...

Elaborate on your statement that ...Njonjo has "Killed" his lineage?

Bobby6Killer said...

"Killed" was a bit too harsh. Stifled is more like it. The old duke was....a late bloomer, afterall.

Anonymous said...


Late bloomer or not Njonjos lineage will live on, the man is even a proud grandpa. Njonjo's and Muthaura's daughters are partners in the same law firm.

Anonymous said...

Njonjo killed of his lineage by marry off his daughters to white men, and the only son he got is gay.
Not sure that's what bobbykiller6 meant.

Anonymous said...

I meant marrying off his daughters to white men.

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