The Curse and Fury of A+O+O, Pride in Poverty

Why do hitherto brilliant brains MUTATE into porridge once in government? Lord Acton must have been a genius with his time-tested adage that absolute power corrupts absolutely. A look into our cabinet would leave the late Rogue Ambassador Smith Hempstone turning in his grave for wasted efforts to protect pretenders for champions of good governance and democracy.

So it appears Obama's utter contempt for Kibaki's protest letter is to send an Assistant Minister to deal with Kenya. And our chief diplomat Wetangula has threatened to reciprocate the humiliation to President Kibaki. Maybe Renneberger will be declared persona non grata soon.

But Wetangula appears to know something we don't when he names Fidel Castro and Ahmednedijan's trip to UN despite their respective hostility America. His comparison leaves you wondering who is the Kenya's equivalent of the two and if he is a target of BAN.

It must have sounded intellectually stimulating and sense of pride for Weta to mention Nairobi, Geneva, New York and Vienna in the same sentence. We are sovereign and independent, so what? The US are doing what ordinary Kenyans would wish to do were it not for saffocating IMPUNITY. Any form of pressure to release us from the yoke of impunity is more than welcome. Well, apologists will rush to the next rooftop to shout neo-colonialism.

The US pressure for reforms has been reduced to the predictably PNU vs ODM tiff. The hitherto champions of good governance shifted the goalposts immediately they tasted power. As one PKW noted here in the previous post the political foot is now squarely stuck in the other foot. Flashback to 2000 and see Kibaki and the present brigade lambasting Moi on imperial presidency and now?

Edible sovereignty
The latest poverty index has shamed the national lie about phenomenal growth during the 2002-7 period. The increase in poorer Kenyans is once more living testimony of the resulting embarrassment of living a national lie. Anything premised on this vice is simply unsustainable.

Wetangula and Mutula's rush to see every criticism directed at the ruling class as an agenda to embarrass the president smacks of sycophancy of yore. Speak of hollow pride from a beggar who cannot feed himself while living in darkness.

Meanwhile the pressure is on and the lid may not hold it any more when Ocampo lands within our shores next week.

Equity: One Kilometre, One Man, One Vote

Here we go again. The magic word EQUITY is back on everybody's lips. Digging in for a fight, MPs are breathing fire to scuttle the yet-to-be born constitution. The war pits Central-MANIACS against Central-PHOBICS. All else is pretence at best and denial at worst.

Make no mistake, our problem is not exclusively due to the present bad constitution. The real problem is that we have and make laws with no intention to obey them. Impunity, another magic word rules supreme.

Looking at PNU and ODM MPs shouting their love for EXECUTIVE presidency and parliamentary governance respectively leaves you wondering what a bunch of AIRHEADS we have as leaders. The truth is that PNU thinks of presidency and Kibaki as synonymous while ODM entertains that fertile imagination that they will remain the majority party forever.

Nobody would have put EQUITY better than Muite. A country is not merely the sum total of its population. True, population is a factor among many others towards creating constituencies. But our mad rush-past-the-post spares us no room to think of tomorrow. All we have and fight to die for is here and now.

We have leaders whose loyalty to anything objective is as good as a dog to fidelity. Their selfish and never-ending petty wars makes Kenya be in a permanent state of tension and they don't care a hoot. What is more, they remain secure in the knowledge that many will buy their pettiness hook, line and sinker.

The word POSTERITY must mean nothing to these scoundrels. Instead of putting their heads together to mend a tattered country, they are busy shearing at every remaining thread. But not for long.

Kenya and Kenyans are far ahead of this lot and very soon they will be put where they belong. It only remains a matter of time.

Wako’s US Visa Ban is Megaphone Diplomacy

The curse and heat from three vowels A+O+O is back. And now they have gone a notch higher and Kenya government’s chief legal officer is banned from visiting US. After defying President Kibaki’s official protest, Obama’s contempt for both our country and leaders continue.

Kenya is for Kenyans and Obama must stop his proxy wars for influence our 2012 elections. Barack must avoid double standards by putting undue pressure on our government. He must not insult Kibaki’s mature diplomatic approach and resort to MEGAPHONES handed to one Johnny Carson and his sidekick Michael Renneberger.

Obama must stop listening to the jobless ex-UN chief Koffi Annan. You cannot fail to see their evil intention to intensify the pressure just ahead of Moreno Ocampo’s date next week. Obama must measure up to his NEWEST Laureate status and stop fanning tension at the slightest excuse within Kenyan borders.

Cheap 2012 proxy wars
Kenya must be suffering from the curse of Obama by association. US needs to be ashamed of meddling in every aspect of Kenya’s government. They have spitted on our face by promoting the loudmouthed Renneberger when we demanded he be recalled. What is more, Johnny-come-lately even has the cheek to deride Ali’s exit as police boss as good riddance.

More than 60% of Kenyans know no other AG in their lifetime except the brilliant and ever-smiling Wako. Amos is NOT GOING ANYWHERE. He is the only experienced hand who knows when to tamper justice with political reality.

Wako's measured doses of nolle prosequi when militia bosses threaten to soil prominent names by spilling the beans is just what the doctor ordered. He is impunity personified. He provides the much-needed legal cover for kings of impunity.

Obama must leave us alone to sort ourselves in the best way we know how. We need neither prodding nor babysitting. Just like Annan before him, Ocampo will come and gleefully kiss every camera and microphone thrown at him and go.

The US of A is not heaven. They better know that all their present theatrics and megaphone diplomacy is not new, we have seen all these casts before. We are firm and happy in our own skin.

Mungiki Leader is Back, Cholmondeley Freed

The Kenyan government owes Maina Njena and his 18 co-accused both apologies and handsome compensation for unlawful incarceration. The injustice meted against the Mungiki leader that saw him being denied the opportunity to even bury his late wife is unforgivable.

And now that the executive have taken over the court's jurisdiction to free Maina, the power that be must brace themselves for the Njenga’s threat to disclose names of the mighty Mungiki collaborators. The ever-smiling Amos only did what he knows best by lending authority to prodding from political quarters.

BOXER from George Orwell's Animal Farm saw it all. If only we could all see the smokescreen for what it is. As you concentrate on the slap on the wrist for Cholmondely, the real deal below is off the hook after threatening to UNDRESS the KING.

Brother Maina is back and is soon headed for BAPTISM. He has ordered the beheading squad to follow suit. We can only hope and pray that when the two profitable professions of religion and politics combine, Central Kenya will regain their peace.




At long last Mungiki can now restructure and be more EFFECTIVE with their leader back. If only all were equal and so lucky?

KCSE Exam Cheating Reflects Rotten Values

Our filthy national fabric is being aired for all to see and marvel at. Past students who scored As and waiting to join campus are being hired to RESIT exams so as to boost schools’ profiles. The single fraudulent objective being to attract more money from gullible parents. But who is fooling whom here? No prizes for guessing.

Granted, the cheating may not be that widespread but only concentrated in the usual pockets of regions. And there lies the crux of the matter, why would a parent or guardian sent a student to mark time in school for a whole four years with the singular objective of buying his/her way to SUCCESS? This evil ritual is so annoying and demoralizing to the majority hard-working students.

And as they say a society is its own mirror. Honesty and integrity are virtues for the less industrious who sweat for their food. Why soil your fingers if a shortcut is available at the right price? We are our won worse enemies when we cheer thieves and murders as they lead us to the next available cliff.

The KCSE exam fiasco is another reminder of our rotten values. The same parents complaining about corruption will be the first ones to troop to the schools enrolling past candidates in search of admission. And here we are admonishing abstract impunity while watering the fruits of eternal self-destruction. OLE WETU.

Forget about a new constitution all we need is a NATIONAL REBIRTH OF BASIC VALUES. Generally what we consider success is nothing but primitively accumulated wealth by few individuals at our collective expense. And what is more, they have rented our mouths at no fee.

Most of Kenya’s maladies are self inflicted. Just look at the limping economy, predictable floods and at the top IDPs. Until we have a honest look at our national conscience and mend our ways, all the lofty talk about DELUSION 2030 amounts to nothing but baying at the moon.

Best Wishes for KCSE But You’re on Your Own

We live in interesting times, don't we? First it is OFFICIAL, you are on your own as a Kenyan in terms of security. Forget about whining about government when your neighbour resorts to extortion and macabre beheading.

While the government disowns its principal duty to provide national security, it is yet another season of exams starting Wednesday. And reading about the predictable tales of leakages going for as low as KES 2000 in addition to KNEC’s painful and expensive tasks of hiring helicopters and boats to overcome elements of adverse weather leaves you wondering why we continue inventing paths to self-destruction.

Examinations have been reduced to loose all or win all platform to success. And what is more, our national deceptive mind has not spared the evaluation either. We have made deceit our second name so much so that success by any dubious means is an end unto itself.

How nostalgic the Chiromo days when a grade A came after sleepless nights. That was then when industry meant each of its letters. But not anymore when scoundrels re-invent you in their minds and peddle a lie about you here at KK. That is Kenya’s fabric at its purest for you.

Civilized societies would have exams posted to their schools who would post directly to the markers. But not in Kenya where any valuable item will never reach its designated postal address. Our parents are so ready to buy success they wont bat an eyelid purchasing fake or real leakages.

Industrious beheading
Having known first hand a copy typist who attained C- in form 4 but now a city lawyer after using the boss, a college Principal, to rig admission into parallel degree, I know the quacks we are breeding in our streets.

The extra security and financial measures taken by KNEC are NOT a reflection of how industrious but fraudulent we are as a nation. Our national fabric seems to be exclusively made of threads of deceit. And we iron the gab with a hot steam of self-denial. Woe unto a country whose foundations are anchored on primitive and plastic success that is not sustainable.

All the best wishes to the many candidates who adequately prepared for their KCSE exams. They are guaranteed to earn their marks and grades but unfortunately compete against the rotten lot weaned on the doctrine of SUCCESS BY ANY MEANS.

Kenyatta Day Present: Uhuru Settles IDPs

Acting just in time to celebrate his dad's day, the DPM and Minister for Finance Uhuru Kenyatta has proved himself a doer and not the mere talker that other leaders are. UK personally witnessed resettlement of hundreds of IDPs in Rongai from their Mawingu camp. What is more, the land used to resettle them was previously owned by the Kenyatta family.

If only other leaders would follow in Uhuru's footsteps and donate part of their obscene acreage to resettle the remaining domestic refugees. Uhuru’s gesture must be emulated by others if leaders are to earn their votes. It is the height of insensitivity to own a whole PROVINCE of land and refuse to donate a negligible fraction to miserable and deserving souls. That the government buys it from you is even a greater selfless motivation to sell.

Kenya needs true leaders like Uhuru who lead by example and from in front. Forget about the noisy elders from Rongai with their misplaced complaints that the government favoured the IDPs and has done little for the 25,000 squatters in the area.

Professional squatters are better left to continue living the life they know best. Let the IDPs have roofs over their heads and a place to call HOME. Kudos to UK.

Only Kalonzo Can Guarantee Kenya Peace

The Honourable VP Kalonzo Musyoka has been erroneously and selfishly put on the defensive mode about his quest to unite Kenyans. Kalonzo is only being truthful and saying-as-it-is unlike the majority politicians who mask their tribal modus operandi.

Kenyan politics is tribe-based and Kalonzo’s KKK alliance is nothing but testimony to that truism. Many may deride him as spineless but no Kenyan politician can hold a candle of GODLINESS and HONESTY to the MP for Mwingi North.

After wrong footing pretenders to the throne in PNU, now Brother Stevo is whipping ODM’s backside. What is more, the God-fearing and saved VP is the MOST POPULAR and ELECTABLE among the masquerading lot.

Reverse logic informs you that the VP would not be receiving so many brickbats were it not for his popularity which his opponents are cheekily bent on diminishing. The KKK Juggernaut is one hell of a political edifice that leaves others shaking in their boots. With the other two Ks already associated with power, only one K deserves the presidency. Calculative Kalonzo knows when to strike it rich and hot.

Saintly mien
Kalonzo’s political track record spanning over a quarter century speaks for itself. He should know better when he warns us against negative ethnicity drawing out attention to two million Sudanese killed from such heinous acts. He is unparalleled ambassador of peace and a DIPLOMAT to boot.

Kalonzo’s detractors give wings to the old adage that a prophet is never revered at home. While Sudan and Somali owe their PEACE to his singular efforts, we cage him into our narrow tribal jingoism. Stevo proved that charity begins at home when he SWALLOWED his political pride and saved Kenya from stewing in her won blood.

Only Kalonzo’s honesty can save us from our own evil selves. Look around you and see fake witnesses at Waki’s commission seeking protection with the singular intention to make hay. Add that to con IDPs parking SUVs next to their tents and you get a country blissfully mocking God's wrath unto them.

Our politics feeds exclusively on deception and ONLY Kalonzo can dissolve the burden of imperial Presidency and its attendant impunity. Go Stevo go and unite the willing majority of Kenyans.

Ding ding, a licky licky licky bong!!!

Watu hapa nikulia tu, which at times its understandable. But the doing of some people should not keep us sad 24-7. Here is a special for all of you that have forgotten how it feels to have a good time from Lucky Dube (the late).

Nawapenda nyi wote ... tu sana.




it seems like it only happened yesterday
now that I think about it
tears cannot bring you joy
but joy can bring you tears
even though I cry today
I will not hide it
it is for a different reason - joy
that is why I'll shout it out
for the world to hear
I say hello, hello happiness
oh Jah, thank you
for another day, I say

Chorus
Ding ding licky licky licky bong (x3)

another tear drop falls
but I don't care
I took a wrong turn in life before
but I've paid my dues
objects in the rear view mirror
they appear closer than they are
if you don't talk the talk
don't walk the walk
if you won't please, don't tease
another lesson learned
I'm gonna shout it out again
hello, hello happiness
oh God, thank you
for another chance

Ding ding licky licky licky bong (x3)

Nation Group Crisis: How Serious?

For years any visitor to the old Nation House (along Tom Mboya street and opposite the Fire Station) would not have missed the aura of arrogance and invincibility that was very much present at Kenya’s highest circulating daily newspaper. Reporters walked with their heads high and enjoyed the effect that they got from the public whenever they introduced themselves as being from “The Nation.”

Well, we are told that pride comes before a fall and those who have been rubbed the wrong way by this arrogance have been waiting for the downfall of the Nation in vain. Instead the newspaper has grown into a multimedia giant stranding the entire region. But now, according to information and alarming figures that I have had the privilege of looking at, things have never been so bad at the Nation. The Nation group I am afraid is struggling and will face some very tough decisions in the very near future. So critical are these upcoming decisions that one wrong move could easily bring down this giant media company.

But what exactly went wrong?

Actually two major factors.

Firstly rapid changes in the way people receive news which executives at the Nation group brushed off with the usual “this is the Nation” arrogance, meaning that the newspaper and group was invincible to whatever else that would crash smaller less famous media companies. The situation has of course now changed with a much more sober look all round but many observers believe it may be too late. Newspapers and in particular the Daily Nation have always ruled (as far back as most people can remember) when it came to enjoying the lion’s share of advertising spend. Today Radio has taken over the throne and you can be sure that it is not radio stations owned by the Nation media group that get most of this advertising. Then the Internet came and caused so much chaos. (I was amazed the other day to discover that some locally-based Kenyans are now at the forefront of providing cheap traffic generating content for websites the world over). Coupled with cell phones which the vast majority of the Kenyan population own, the news frontier has completely changed and left old fashioned executives at the Nation stranded. Nothing illustrates this better than what happened shortly after the disputed 2007 presidential elections. At first most media houses were slow in reporting unfolding events (The Nation group is most guilty of this and to date nobody has explained why and how the accurate tallies of votes countrywide that were being compiled at the Nation Centre suddenly disappeared into thin air moments before the hurried “bedroom swearing in” of President Kibaki for a second term). But as the media hesitated, cell phones were still working and forwarded sms messages from citizens on the ground kept many Kenyans very well informed. Email carried these real time messages further and out to influential Kenyans in the Diaspora.

Secondly too many Kenyans have lost faith in the group as a neutral and independent media company and events leading up to and after the 2007 presidential elections fiasco have led many to position the newspaper as biased and even partisan and tribal in its’ approach to reporting news and informing the public. On this last point even those working at the Nation are convinced that many decisions at the media giant are made based purely on tribe. For instance a careful study of lists of senior staff layed off from the newspaper in recent months is extremely revealing. It shows clear and obvious favoritism for a certain leading tribe. Meaning that if you worked for the Nation and were not from a certain tribe your fate was more or less sealed long before the lists of those who were to be laid off were even compiled. A casual observer may disagree because the powerful position od Editorial Director has changed hands recently from long-serving Wamgethi Mwangi (A Kikuyu) to Joseph Odindo (a Luo). However the truth is that Odindo should have held this position at least 20 years ago but was overlooked because of his tribe. Now there was really no option (with sliding circulation changes and rapidly emerging challenges that can only be dealt with by an experienced old hand). Some insiders insist that even then Odindo will never enjoy the power of his predecessor. This dent in the image of the Nation group has been ruthlessly reflected in Daily Nation newspaper sales which in turn have also impacted on advertising sales.

Well, the buck stops at the desk of Chief Executive Officer Linus Gitahi (no mistaking what tribe he comes from—Kikuyu of course). Mr Gitahi has been trying to sell the “warship business strategy” to the board. The idea has been to protect the most valuable core brands by fighting small battles with small niche challengers and keeping them well away from the mother ship. Clearly this is hardly the strategy for the times, if the sales figures at the Nation group are anything to go by.

Then there are other unfolding events. The US government is at advanced stage of spreading their dreaded Visa bans to corporate individuals (my impeccable sources inform me). Top on their lists currently are Linus Gitahi and former Nation CEO Wilfred Kiboro. The reason why these individuals are listed is the subject of a post for another day. But for today, it is clear that developments like these will put the Nation group principal owners (like The Aga Khan) under increasing pressure to effect changes and go for a clean break with the current leadership that has only led the Nation media group from one crisis to another. Time will tell.

For now I must end this post by answering my own question. How serious is the crisis at the Nation group? Answer: More serious than most Kenyans would like to believe. Creative accounting can NOT mask dropping sales forever (one thing Nation accountants must be very grateful for right now are the numerous foreign subsidiaries that Wilfred Kiboro established) and sooner rather than later we will start to see the ominous signs on the balance sheet.


Kumekucha articles in the recent past about the Nation group;

Nation Media Group in Post-Election Genocide Conspiracy With The Police!
Insider Speaks Out

Why Nation Media’s Daily Metro failed

Incompetence and university degress at the Nation media group

Big changes at the Nation and what they mean

Kenya Must Opt Out of ICC's Death Trap

Desperate time calls for desperate measures and for Kenya that time is NOW. With IDPs being forced from the camps into hostile localities, we need HEALING in all forms and shape. And the starting point must be the cabinet to lead by example in renouncing Kenya's signature to the Rome statute enjoining us to ICC.

Ocampo and his brigade have generated more heat than light. His noise together with lectures from Annan have detracted our diligent ministers from their core duties. We cannot afford to have the two key ministries of Finance and Agriculture suffer as their holders look over their shoulders shopping for international lawyers at our collective national expense.

Kenya is for Kenyans and only we can save our country from stewing in her own blood. What is more, we are blessed with a REFORMIST president who will spare no effort to shame doomsayers.

We are in dire need of reconciliation and healing. The suicidal ICC's milestone around our collective neck is one catastrophic baggage we can safely do without. Kibaki must lead by example and from in front in signing Kenya out out of the ICC statute.

The loudmouthed and ever-patronizing US opted out of ICC, so why not Kenya? Their moral balloon is busted and we must be left to chat our own peaceful and unique destiny as we match towards vision 2030. Down with ICC and Ocampo

Delusion 2030: Joined at the Fractured Hip

The fire and curse of three vowels: A+O+O.

Congratulations Nobel Laureate Barack Obama

Nobody saw it coming. Even the bookies’ radar had no faintest signal of him. Well, the world listened, surprised and DELIVERED. Barack Hussein Obama is the winner of 2009 Nobel Peace prize for global diplomacy. There could have been no other better way to bait a leader to do great good with his immense power.

That makes 3 Nobel Laureates with more than a passing interest in Kenya’s political problems. Our own Wangari Maathai, Kofi Annan and now Obama are all determined to see Kenyans freed from the suffocating evil grip of impunity.

We must have seen it first by being the only country to declare Obama day last year. We are on the right side of history besides banishing the old adage that a prophet is never revered at home.

And who doesn’t want to be associated with the winner. President Kibaki has performed the necessary rituals claiming it was BEFITTING. Well, maybe that is smart recanting of the protest note last week. It is bad manners to rain on a global party.

So was Obama a worthy winner? True, there were other weighty contenders but Obama's resolve and determination to use his powers for the wider good must have won the votes from the five-member committee. Obama's strength can be captured in the single word INSPIRE. Think dialogue with Iran, N. Korea and Russia and you get the wider picture of international diplomacy at its best.

The Nobel peace prize committee has debunked the enduring myth that the prize is only about accomplishment. Actually the prize was created as much to supply momentum for peace as to celebrate it and they said as much in awarding it to Obama in support of his plans to make the world a better place.

Global diplomacy
The other 204 nominations for this year's peace prize including Zimbabwean Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai and Chinese dissident Hu Jia may have been unfortunate to run against a PHENOMENON. As the Norwegian selection committee aptly said, it is very rare to have a person to the same extent as Obama captured the world's attention and given its people hope for a better future.

Put simply Obama has created a new climate in international politics. Predictably Obama's award will invite detractors with equal zeal. Those conversant with American politics, will see Republicans ask why it is Obama after Carter and Al Gore. Well, you don't rig honours, do you?

Obama’s winning the Nobel prize is testimony of what the rare humanity resident in a few can achieve. It may not be the results but the gesture and the will to fight and inspire the world is a priceless asset.

It is one thing to lead but quite another to encapsulate the leadership concept towards steering the world on the premise of values and attitudes that are universally shared. Congratulations Obama.

All is Fine, We’ll Sort Ourselves Out Come 2012

It is harvesting season in the Rift and the peace valley is awash with cash from wheat and maize. But also doing roaring business are gun dealers with the buyers having their eyes singularly trained on the trophy year 2012. The issue is too hot for our local media lest they invite EXECUTIVE RAIDS.

Forget the 2007 preface with matches, bows and arrows, this time round it will be heads and bodies stopping bullets. Faint hearted will speedily brand this sensational but the truth remains TIMELESS and its legacy last forever. You can choose to permute our national pastime of deceit and bury your head deep in the sand oblivious of the impeding Armageddon.

The warlords of 2012 massacres remain free men roaming our streets. What is more, we are dutifully paying their hefty salaries from our tax. Make no mistake, these kings know too well how high the stakes have risen.

But trust AIRHEADS to trash the truth with serial juvenile attempts to reduce and denigrate what they hate to read and hear. Well, let such heads enjoy the warmth of the sand oblivious of the inevitable explosion facing their exposed backsides.

Denial paradise
We owe the Daily Nation plenty of thanks for BUGGING Harambee House to reveal what transpired between Annan, Kibaki and Raila. Surely, we have taken rumour-mongering to new national levels. And we are not talking about some yellow A4 tabloid but this is is coming from the most circulated newspaper in East and Central Africa.

Annan’s diagnosis as lack of political confidence is an understatement at best and recapitulation at worst. Otherwise you fail to explain how a boss can complain that his subordinates are standing in the way of reforms and he in return only promises to slap them on the wrist aka TAMING them.

The truth is nothing has changed and the objectives behind last poll’s fiasco remain very much the same. You don’t subject yourself to international ridicule only to turn around and surrender to the pressure from the same quarters. Unless you are a permanent resident of DENIAL PARADISE, like many faceless apologists here.

The political will died before 2005 referendum and is yet to resurrect. Forget about the lofty and academic three-tier approach being peddled in the face of obtuse impunity.

We are collectively living the beautiful national lie. In the meantime communities are arming to sort themselves once and for all in about 25 months from now. We haven't seen anything yet.

Bye Kofi Annan, Next Bring in Ocampo Please

Annan came, shouted himself hoarse and must leave now after accomplishing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. True, he may have saved Kenya from stewing in her own blood but Annan lost the plot when he chose to advance the interests of the so-called international community at our expense.

And lest he forgets, Annan has never been our friend. No wonder we bugged his hotel room last time he was here. You don’t do that to trusted friends. He has outlived his usefulness and must know when to quit.

Annan is living a lie by refusing to accept and appreciate our 90% reform pass grade. Instead he has shamelessly enjoined himself into our local pettiness so much so that he is know admonishing our DULY elected President’s public appointments claiming they are skewed. All posts are filled on MERIT, period. All else is cheap propaganda.

Appointments on merit
Patriotism and sovereignty are priceless assets which our forefathers lost their lives fighting for. Annan must know the futility and perils of attempting to babysit octogenarians.

Just like one loudmouthed Michael Renneberger, Annan will kiss the next available microphone and leave. And Moreno Ocampo coming after him is destined for the same fate. Kenya is for Kenyans and no amount of noise or pressure will make the landlords change their schemes to auction the remaining viable pieces.

Bye bye Annan, please pass the button to Prof Luis Ocampo and don’t forget to reminding him to breathe real fire and threaten smouldering brimstone too.

Hague Express: Heat is on, Goalposts Shifting

Parliament has been reigning supreme. They demanded Ringera's head and they got the Judge's scalp. MPs demanded The Hague. They reminded all and sundry not to be vague but instead choose The Hague. Well, prayer answered and so Hague here we come. But not just yet, we will board that jalopy to Netherlands at our own pace.

Obama can eat his heart and take care not to suffer constipation. Hit kite won’t fly and the balloon sent to us in the name of Kofi Annan is at the mercy of our sharp pins. It is such a huge shame for a whoole ex-UN boss to shamelessly stoop so low to an extent of criticizing our president on his EXECUTIVE appointments.

It is the height of pettiness for Annan to globalize our tribal governance. He needs to understand that Kenya is for Kenyans and only we can change at our own pace. The impressive report of 90% pass warrants appreciation. The accelerated judicial reforms will render Luis Moreno-Ocampo jobless and all his hitherto bravado will be irrelevant at best and hot air at worst.

Kofi Annan must have met a very different Martha Karua from the one he dealt with just a year ago. He can as well use that single sample to generalize our collective national propensity to deceit. The boot is in the other boot which reminds you of yesterday reform champions turned present day masters of impunity - it is our time to eat.

We are so dynamic as a country we change the goalposts as appropriate. Those who have been shouting themselves hoarse about The Hague are now staring the real prospect of joining Charles Taylor sooner than they imagined.

One wonders who the members of this so-called international community are. That red herring can paint itself all the rainbow colours but remain rest assured that Kenya will not give an inch, not even with Michael Renneberger’s loudmouthed gimmicks.

Babysitting octogenarians
We are so unique and enterprising as a country so much so that we can have IDPs parking four wheel SUVs outside their tents. To us every calamity is an opportunity and we need no MBA from Harvard to exploit an opportunity when we see one.

Our country remains an island of peace in a sea of chaos and those who think otherwise are living in DENIAL PARADISE. Nothing exemplifies our fledging democracy than the fractious coalition trading accusations. Who said the Permanent Committee on the Management of the Grand Coalition cannot reconvene after the Kilaguni fiasco?

Annan came and he will soon leave after the four-day holiday. Ocampo will follow and he too will leave. Meanwhile Kenya remains where they found it. We embarked on project Armageddon in 2007 which must be completed in 2012. We need total extermination so that Kenya can regenerate a fresh.

All other efforts amount to nothing but ego expansion gimmicks. Annan can not re-invent the wheel neither can he go against established natural order by attempting to babysit octogenarians.

Put simple, nobody is going to The Hague anytime soon. Let Annan ask Omar El Bashir.

Annan: We're Running, Don't Babysit Us Please

Kofi Annan has landed, breathing fire down our necks and ready to give a progress report for an examination we never sat in the first place. Unfortunately Annan's gloomy assessment is exclusively premised on misinformation and prediction of Armageddon. Otherwise he would readily accept the impressive distinction of 90% pass as graded by our own competent Alfred Mutua, PhD.

Dr. Annan is here but he must be reminded that Kenya is no toddler in need of babysitting. He played his part last February, we appreciated it and he now better learns never to attempt extending the handshake past the elbow.

The US would do themselves a great deal of good in accepting the basic truism that sanctions and threats never work as diplomatic tools. The Americans can keep their laser-guided sanctions to their political labs and spare Kenya uninvited lectures on good governance.

YES WE CAN reform ourselves and our country BUT at our own pace. We are sovereign and independent with a FLAG to boot. Just like we defeated the late Smith Hempstone during his nyama choma gimmicks packaged as advocating for multiparty, the activist Renneberger stands no chance to shake us as a country.

Kenya is no Somalia or Zimbabwe and one Johnny-come-lately Carson better learn to respect his ex-host. Invoking Obama’s name at the sight of every microphone will not make any difference-Kenya is for Kenyans, PERIOD. Michael better revise notes from the late Rogue Ambassador Smith who consorted with the likes of Kamau Kuria and Kiraitu Murungi then.

Laser-guided bans
We only have one centre of power and the presidency is our singular symbol of UNITY. Uhuru and Murage may have desecrated the hallowed grounds of State House by using it as a venue to plot Naivasha massacres but that does not make the legal tenant guilty by association.

President Kibaki was there and saw it all as an opposition politician. Renneberger’s antics amount to playing a melodious tune to a HE-GOAT, no dance nor nodding. Even the loudmouthed EU and Canada are welcome to jump into that expanded bin of irrelevance.

Make no mistake, we adopted multipartysm at our own pace and nobody can claim otherwise. The world has changed and America’s high handedness will only push us into PRODUCTIVE business with China and Iran. What is more, these fledging economies have plenty of resources and help to help Kenya realize v2030 in light years.

No country but Kenya can have reforms in the constitutional review, land, boundary, police and the Truth, Justice and Reconciliation Commission in less than a year. Add that to the on-going electoral reforms, judiciary, youth employment and National Cohesion and Integration Commission and you are staring an emerging AFRICA TIGER in the face.

The so-called international community needs new names to paint as faces of impunity. One Prof Alston may be showing his post molars in glee after Major Ali quit but that is it. AG Wako has served us diligently for 20 years and nobody is more qualified to be CJ than Gicheru. Sorry the guillotine must run on empty, no more heads.

We are miles ahead of the pack and deserve no patronizing lectures which only succeed in provoking our EXECUTIVE FOUL MOOD.

Hague Express: Paid-up Passengers Boarding

Who let the elephant (Moreno Ocampo) back into the house?Ticket holders in the name of supporters, funders, organisers and perpetrators of post election violence have today began the final leg of the journey aboard the train to the waiting jail cells at the Hague.

This must surely be Justice Waki's moment of triumph. Without a doubt, Waki's infamous list will be expanded, expounded and finally revealed. Nobody just wakes up one day and begins to hack their neighbour with a machete. The prosecutor must have found this point intriguing,leading him to declare that Kenya must be made a world example of managing violence

Deliberate, focused and impartial investigations will reveal that the ground is levelled and ripe for prosecuting both organs of state and spontaneous acts of ordinary criminality. surely justice delayed is not justice denied.

But wait a minute, we are independent and sovereign. True, we may be used to blackouts, floods and famine but still we have pride even after begging for alms. And who said you cant sink your teeth into the very hands feeding you? Welcome Prof Moreno, make the kings of impunity shake and dissolve inside their boots.

Ringera’s Reappointment: The Perfect Plan That Never Worked

Nothing fascinates me more than studying the decision-making process in the corridors of power. All through history we have seen the interaction between he-who-the-buck-stops-at-his-desk and their close advisors. Remember the case in the good book of the King’s advisor who committed suicide because his correct decision was not followed?

If I was to look at Kibaki’s administration and describe the decision-making process in one sentence I would say that this is the presidency of perfect plans that never worked out. Intelligence usually breeds arrogance and arrogance is deadly because it leads to lots of mistakes. That is why a wise man once said pride comes before a fall. Well the president is surrounded by some very intelligent chaps. Their undoing is that they are also some of the most arrogant folks the continent has seen since the days of King Shaka Zulu. And to make matters worse they are also tribalists. They “know” that their tribe is superior. When you “know” something there is no point debating about it. What for? Si you KNOW?

These fellows always come up with perfect schemes that sometimes end up hurting a lot of people. There are numerous perfect plans that have been hatched during Kibaki’s tenure but I will give just two. One is the perfect plan behind the hurried reappointment of Ringera and the other hurt the nation beyond repair. Let me start with the latter.

In the run up to the 2007 general elections intelligence reports clearly showed that President Mwai Kibaki would lose the election by a landslide. In fact some patriotic Kenyans in the intelligence community, knowing what was being hatched leaked some of these highly confidential reports and they were published all over the web.

Now “the perfect plan” was hatched. Hold the election results from some Mount Kenya constituencies until the very end. And then let the president win by a slim margin of say 200,000 votes. Kila mtu anajua wa-Kikuyu ni wengi, ongeza Wameru na waembu hapo na mambo kwisha (everybody knows that Kikuyus are many just add a few Merus and Embus there and everything will be fine).

These intelligent fellows knew that some people would not take such election results lying down so they sent a large contingent of riot police to Kisumu as the final touch to this “perfect plan.” You guys know what happened.

The “Ringera perfect plan” went like this. KACA holds some rather sensitive information about the Anglo Leasing scam. Anybody looking at it would NOT even need to be a lawyer to see that the trail leads right back to one man and one man alone. That man is Mwai Kibaki. Mwai Kibaki is Anglo Leasing. Even Chris Murungaru was a mere servant following instructions. And so this little parastatal called KACA, ironically established under the initiative of Mwai Kibaki himself is a cause for great concern amongst the president’s handlers. And so the perfect plan was hatched. Hurriedly re-appoint Justice Ringera and only one of two things will happen;

1. Parliament will make noise and finally accept the decision, narrowly (with a little prodding from the executive in the right places).

2. Parliament will reject the appointment and to derail KACA will with-hold funding, meaning that the operations of the anti-corruption body will grind to a halt indefinitely.

Either way the interests of the executive will have been achieved. To be honest the first time I heard about this plot (shortly after the re-appointment of Ringera) I was sure that it was going to work exactly as planned.

Well you folks know what happened. The unexpected happened. The president’s own loyalists turned against him and legislators from both sides of the house ganged up together to say “NO.” Uhuru Kenyatta was sent with some cash to distribute (which he did) but it had no effect on the final outcome. Some MPs took the cash and still voted with their conscience (although some simply stayed away from the house).

The good thing about this “perfect plan” is that only Ringera’s ego was badly hurt. However of great concern is yet another looming “perfect plan” being hatched for the Kibaki succession. I don’t know the whole plan yet (although I can guess) but it is already beginning to take shape with careful security and finance appointments. And as usual plenty of people will get hurt.

God save Kenya from “perfect plans.”

Below is a guest post from one of my top notch guest writers.


Out Goes The-Never-Was Draggon Slayer Ringera as The-Law-Breaker Kibaki Goes Scot Free!

By Guest Writer
Today’s lead story by the Standard reads: “What Ringera did not say was that he was a marked man, the writings were on the wall, and he could not even see the President on Tuesday because it seemed, he too, had given up on him. The hostility to the reappointment was beginning to cast the President in bad light . . . Sources revealed the President’s aides were reluctant to allow the meeting because it had leaked to the Press. The meeting would have cast the picture of a conspiracy between Kibaki and Ringera.”

My take is that the fate that befell Ringera is a wake up call to those we have entrusted with public offices. It’s time it dawned on them they are in office to serve their fellow citizen and not their godfathers. One may sleep on the job or cover up the dirty tracks of his/her powerful godfathers to suit their personal interests. But when the public tide turns against the officer, the cord linking the person to the godfather will definitely snap and the fall will be as thunderous and painful like that of Ringera.

If I was Ringera, I would have read the public mood from the onset and asked myself why Kibaki was so desperate to return me to office through the back door. I would have been candid and admitted I had not delivered as per the public expectations. Surely, the man earned Sh2.5 million each month for five years and tax payers pumped billions of shillings into KACC annually for its operations and not one head has ever been convicted over mega graft. Ringera only waves figures of Cabinet Ministers and other public officers he has investigated and recommended prosecution.

If I was Ringera, I would not sit in an office and see my bank account swell while the fruits of my work are not visible. There’s no doubt Ringera faired very poorly in investigations related to the Anglo Leasing and other scandals that touched on people close to Kibaki and Moi. Ringera served personal interests of Kibaki and Moi and that’s why Kibaki could break the law to keep him in office. Ringera frequently went to State House to meet Kibaki. For what? Isn’t he directly answerable to Parliament only as the law says? Have we ever heard him driving to Parliament to upgrade his employer (Parliament) on the progress he has made in the war against graft?

I admire Ringera for his brilliance and intelligence. But I pity him for making a fool of himself and opening himself to public ridicule for allowing himself to be used by Kibaki for his selfish motives and then get ditched when the stench became so much for Kibaki to bear. Kibaki has a reputation for use and dump.

On the other hand, the debate on Ringera shows how the Kenyan nation is made up of hypocrites. MPs who supported or bashed Ringera are no angels. Apart from all MPs – Kibaki and Raila included - refusing to pay taxes and taking a moral high ground in the wake of the Ringera saga, we know that corruption is oiled by politics. Almost every MP is in the so-called August House because they bribed voters with their ill-gotten wealth. You must be God’s sent angel to hit the campaign road in Kenya on empty pockets, campaigning on a platform of a clean name and impressive credentials, and win voters to your side.

A big number of our MPs are as corrupt as the majority of Kenyan voters. They bought their parliamentary seats and we sold them to the highest bidder. Other MPs – Cyrus Jirongo, Zakayo Cheruiyot, William Ruto, Ephraim Maina, Prof George Saitoti, Kiraitu Murungi, Musalia Mudavadi, just to mention a few – have been adversely mentioned in mega corruption under the Kibaki and Moi regimes.

Our Parliament is filled with looters, murderers and tribalists who can’t pass the moral test of how they made their wealth or made it to Parliament. The debate on Ringera in Parliament betrayed that. MPs who were unfortunate to see Ringera knocking on their doors questioning how they got their wealth or how their abused their offices fought hard to see him exit.

Raila Odinga, the self-proclaimed advocate of the poor Kenyans, is neither an angel as he has never cleared his name in the Kisumu Molasses Plant trade-in for dirty politics with Moi when he dissolved his NDP party to join Moi’s gravy train of looting Kenya.

The MPs should now ride on the same wave they set in motion and force themselves to pay taxes like the rest of us, drive Amos Wako and CJ Evans Gicheru out of office. As long as Kibaki and the cable of corruption remains intact, the war on corruption will remain a mileage and Ringera’s replacement will face the same hurdles. Will those MPs who were being investigated by Ringera sit back and allow his successor to continue with investigations or others will allow fresh investigations on themselves?

I admit I hold no monopoly for integrity or moral conscience. And I submit that none of the 222 MPs – including Speaker Kenneth Marende – and a majority of Kenyan voters hold that monopoly. We are all sucked into the corruption web and filth that has sunk Kenya into the hole we find ourselves in today. Who can cast the first stone he/she has never sought a bribe or offered a bribe to win a favour or escape the law or influenced decisions to their favour?

We are all chameleons like Amos Wako who play to the tune that pleases whoever is in State House. If Raila become President, we would see Wako swinging his loyalty to him overnight. Our collective moral conscience is seriously wanting and we have to collectively go back to the drawing board if we want to genuinely save Kenya. But we’ll all sink with our motherland due to our collective greed and ignorance and the chronic obsession with our ethnic cocoons. The Ringera debate has largely argued and won on the basis on political, tribal inclinations and personal interests. Few have the interest of Kenya at heart.

While the Ringera saga has consumed the energies of MPs and ordinary Kenyans, blaming the dragon slayer for all manner of evils (real and imagined), I hold a different view. The saga exposed the selfish man that is Kibaki. He exposed Ringera to public ridicule and hatred and then sat back in State House to enjoy the man’s name and reputation being torn to shreds. Why should the Standard pretend to look like Kibaki’s apologists? Hammer Kibaki for his evils and stop painting him to look like an angel.

Although Ringera shares some blame for accepting an illegal re-appointment, MPs and Kenyans should have equally turned their guns on Kibaki. Kibaki broke the law in bypassing the advisory board and Parliament in re-appointing Ringera but all anger was directed at Ringera leaving Kibaki to walk scot free with his evils. What will stop him from driving Kenya into another senseless drama?

It’s under Kibaki’s reign that Kenya almost became another Somalia over the flawed 2007 Presidential polls. There are conflicting theories that both Kibaki and Raila fiddled with results in their political backyards. If that was not the case, why did they agree to share power if each knew he had won legally? Those who disagree with that view can argue it to their graves. I believe Kibaki and Raila are not angels and I would not put my life on the line for any of them. They are a curse to Kenya and that’s why we went into mayhem chopping each others hands and heads to put them into powerful offices. Those who worship and lick the bottoms of the two men with their tongues should answer this: Does Kibaki and Raila suffer like the rest of us or aren’t they driven by personal greed?

Martha Karua is another Kibaki. We know the role she played in Kibaki’s “WIN” triggering a bloodbath in Kenya and now she seizes every moment to fool our imaginations why she is God’s gift for Kenya as Kibaki’s successor! The media and foreign missions in Kenya seem to have been fooled. If Samuel Kivuitu and his ECK team were demonized for overseeing flawed elections, where does that leave the likes of Kibaki, Raila, Karua and all the 222 MPs?

The best thing God can do to save Kenya for us and future generations is to speed up the Hague Train so that Kibaki, Raila, Karua, Ruto and all those who think they own Kenya or have a monopoly of violence and impunity can answer for their sins. When that happens, we’ll know we are all equal before the law. We’ll learn to respect each other despite our tribal backgrounds. This will give us an opportunity to sit down like equal partners and agree to move forward like civilised creatures not primitive creatures who kill each other for politicians who care little about us.

Ringera's Head Off, Next Scalp Please!

The dragon slayer fell headlong on his own sword. The sharp blades happily kissed his shiny skull. Shakespeare was lost for words. It was a paradigm shift when hitherto bravado conveniently metamorphosed into evangelism. The crestfallen Aaron was a lion both fatally wounded and thoroughly drenched.

But wait a minute, no false jubilation claiming triumph of people's power. Not just yet unless you are politically naive. Kenya has its owners mark you.

Ringera did his part and saved the regime at its most trying moments. What is more, re-election came and went and the rest is history. All the explosive deals have been safely tucked in secure vaults awaiting appointment of a replacement with the right GENES to take the reigns of KACC. Forget about all the noise from the loud MPs.

Bravado readily transforms itself into evangelism in diffult moments. You only write Ringera's epitaph at the risk of overfeeding on humble pie. He was the face of the discredited radical judicial surgery. Well, he may have suffered the pain of blunt scalpel now but the silver headed Justice is headed for greater things. What with 150m guaranteed with no sweat broken?

Clever gimmicks
Expect an artificial crisis with dual objectives soon-to mask Aaron's departure and create a smokescreen for the rulers to regain the apparent lost political ground. It is typical Kenyan mentality to selectively praise and condemn with expediency as the ultimate goal.

Look no further than this blog where faceless apologists will shamelessly divert attention by violently attacking the messenger while conveniently evading the message. Well, such old tricks stand no chance in hell just like the present rulers scheme using templates of yore to emasculate Kenya.

MPs must not be fooled into chest thumbing. With impunity personified in the two faces of ever-smiling Wako and the Chief Justice, the rag will be speedily pulled under their feet. As the old bad guy movie's signature goes NOBODY MOVES NOBODY GETS HURT. We haven't seen the last moves from our landlords. NA BADO.