All is Fine, We’ll Sort Ourselves Out Come 2012

It is harvesting season in the Rift and the peace valley is awash with cash from wheat and maize. But also doing roaring business are gun dealers with the buyers having their eyes singularly trained on the trophy year 2012. The issue is too hot for our local media lest they invite EXECUTIVE RAIDS.

Forget the 2007 preface with matches, bows and arrows, this time round it will be heads and bodies stopping bullets. Faint hearted will speedily brand this sensational but the truth remains TIMELESS and its legacy last forever. You can choose to permute our national pastime of deceit and bury your head deep in the sand oblivious of the impeding Armageddon.

The warlords of 2012 massacres remain free men roaming our streets. What is more, we are dutifully paying their hefty salaries from our tax. Make no mistake, these kings know too well how high the stakes have risen.

But trust AIRHEADS to trash the truth with serial juvenile attempts to reduce and denigrate what they hate to read and hear. Well, let such heads enjoy the warmth of the sand oblivious of the inevitable explosion facing their exposed backsides.

Denial paradise
We owe the Daily Nation plenty of thanks for BUGGING Harambee House to reveal what transpired between Annan, Kibaki and Raila. Surely, we have taken rumour-mongering to new national levels. And we are not talking about some yellow A4 tabloid but this is is coming from the most circulated newspaper in East and Central Africa.

Annan’s diagnosis as lack of political confidence is an understatement at best and recapitulation at worst. Otherwise you fail to explain how a boss can complain that his subordinates are standing in the way of reforms and he in return only promises to slap them on the wrist aka TAMING them.

The truth is nothing has changed and the objectives behind last poll’s fiasco remain very much the same. You don’t subject yourself to international ridicule only to turn around and surrender to the pressure from the same quarters. Unless you are a permanent resident of DENIAL PARADISE, like many faceless apologists here.

The political will died before 2005 referendum and is yet to resurrect. Forget about the lofty and academic three-tier approach being peddled in the face of obtuse impunity.

We are collectively living the beautiful national lie. In the meantime communities are arming to sort themselves once and for all in about 25 months from now. We haven't seen anything yet.

Bye Kofi Annan, Next Bring in Ocampo Please

Annan came, shouted himself hoarse and must leave now after accomplishing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. True, he may have saved Kenya from stewing in her own blood but Annan lost the plot when he chose to advance the interests of the so-called international community at our expense.

And lest he forgets, Annan has never been our friend. No wonder we bugged his hotel room last time he was here. You don’t do that to trusted friends. He has outlived his usefulness and must know when to quit.

Annan is living a lie by refusing to accept and appreciate our 90% reform pass grade. Instead he has shamelessly enjoined himself into our local pettiness so much so that he is know admonishing our DULY elected President’s public appointments claiming they are skewed. All posts are filled on MERIT, period. All else is cheap propaganda.

Appointments on merit
Patriotism and sovereignty are priceless assets which our forefathers lost their lives fighting for. Annan must know the futility and perils of attempting to babysit octogenarians.

Just like one loudmouthed Michael Renneberger, Annan will kiss the next available microphone and leave. And Moreno Ocampo coming after him is destined for the same fate. Kenya is for Kenyans and no amount of noise or pressure will make the landlords change their schemes to auction the remaining viable pieces.

Bye bye Annan, please pass the button to Prof Luis Ocampo and don’t forget to reminding him to breathe real fire and threaten smouldering brimstone too.

Hague Express: Heat is on, Goalposts Shifting

Parliament has been reigning supreme. They demanded Ringera's head and they got the Judge's scalp. MPs demanded The Hague. They reminded all and sundry not to be vague but instead choose The Hague. Well, prayer answered and so Hague here we come. But not just yet, we will board that jalopy to Netherlands at our own pace.

Obama can eat his heart and take care not to suffer constipation. Hit kite won’t fly and the balloon sent to us in the name of Kofi Annan is at the mercy of our sharp pins. It is such a huge shame for a whoole ex-UN boss to shamelessly stoop so low to an extent of criticizing our president on his EXECUTIVE appointments.

It is the height of pettiness for Annan to globalize our tribal governance. He needs to understand that Kenya is for Kenyans and only we can change at our own pace. The impressive report of 90% pass warrants appreciation. The accelerated judicial reforms will render Luis Moreno-Ocampo jobless and all his hitherto bravado will be irrelevant at best and hot air at worst.

Kofi Annan must have met a very different Martha Karua from the one he dealt with just a year ago. He can as well use that single sample to generalize our collective national propensity to deceit. The boot is in the other boot which reminds you of yesterday reform champions turned present day masters of impunity - it is our time to eat.

We are so dynamic as a country we change the goalposts as appropriate. Those who have been shouting themselves hoarse about The Hague are now staring the real prospect of joining Charles Taylor sooner than they imagined.

One wonders who the members of this so-called international community are. That red herring can paint itself all the rainbow colours but remain rest assured that Kenya will not give an inch, not even with Michael Renneberger’s loudmouthed gimmicks.

Babysitting octogenarians
We are so unique and enterprising as a country so much so that we can have IDPs parking four wheel SUVs outside their tents. To us every calamity is an opportunity and we need no MBA from Harvard to exploit an opportunity when we see one.

Our country remains an island of peace in a sea of chaos and those who think otherwise are living in DENIAL PARADISE. Nothing exemplifies our fledging democracy than the fractious coalition trading accusations. Who said the Permanent Committee on the Management of the Grand Coalition cannot reconvene after the Kilaguni fiasco?

Annan came and he will soon leave after the four-day holiday. Ocampo will follow and he too will leave. Meanwhile Kenya remains where they found it. We embarked on project Armageddon in 2007 which must be completed in 2012. We need total extermination so that Kenya can regenerate a fresh.

All other efforts amount to nothing but ego expansion gimmicks. Annan can not re-invent the wheel neither can he go against established natural order by attempting to babysit octogenarians.

Put simple, nobody is going to The Hague anytime soon. Let Annan ask Omar El Bashir.

Annan: We're Running, Don't Babysit Us Please

Kofi Annan has landed, breathing fire down our necks and ready to give a progress report for an examination we never sat in the first place. Unfortunately Annan's gloomy assessment is exclusively premised on misinformation and prediction of Armageddon. Otherwise he would readily accept the impressive distinction of 90% pass as graded by our own competent Alfred Mutua, PhD.

Dr. Annan is here but he must be reminded that Kenya is no toddler in need of babysitting. He played his part last February, we appreciated it and he now better learns never to attempt extending the handshake past the elbow.

The US would do themselves a great deal of good in accepting the basic truism that sanctions and threats never work as diplomatic tools. The Americans can keep their laser-guided sanctions to their political labs and spare Kenya uninvited lectures on good governance.

YES WE CAN reform ourselves and our country BUT at our own pace. We are sovereign and independent with a FLAG to boot. Just like we defeated the late Smith Hempstone during his nyama choma gimmicks packaged as advocating for multiparty, the activist Renneberger stands no chance to shake us as a country.

Kenya is no Somalia or Zimbabwe and one Johnny-come-lately Carson better learn to respect his ex-host. Invoking Obama’s name at the sight of every microphone will not make any difference-Kenya is for Kenyans, PERIOD. Michael better revise notes from the late Rogue Ambassador Smith who consorted with the likes of Kamau Kuria and Kiraitu Murungi then.

Laser-guided bans
We only have one centre of power and the presidency is our singular symbol of UNITY. Uhuru and Murage may have desecrated the hallowed grounds of State House by using it as a venue to plot Naivasha massacres but that does not make the legal tenant guilty by association.

President Kibaki was there and saw it all as an opposition politician. Renneberger’s antics amount to playing a melodious tune to a HE-GOAT, no dance nor nodding. Even the loudmouthed EU and Canada are welcome to jump into that expanded bin of irrelevance.

Make no mistake, we adopted multipartysm at our own pace and nobody can claim otherwise. The world has changed and America’s high handedness will only push us into PRODUCTIVE business with China and Iran. What is more, these fledging economies have plenty of resources and help to help Kenya realize v2030 in light years.

No country but Kenya can have reforms in the constitutional review, land, boundary, police and the Truth, Justice and Reconciliation Commission in less than a year. Add that to the on-going electoral reforms, judiciary, youth employment and National Cohesion and Integration Commission and you are staring an emerging AFRICA TIGER in the face.

The so-called international community needs new names to paint as faces of impunity. One Prof Alston may be showing his post molars in glee after Major Ali quit but that is it. AG Wako has served us diligently for 20 years and nobody is more qualified to be CJ than Gicheru. Sorry the guillotine must run on empty, no more heads.

We are miles ahead of the pack and deserve no patronizing lectures which only succeed in provoking our EXECUTIVE FOUL MOOD.