The Nyatiti is a wonderful musical instrument that is perfect for singing praises and honouring somebody and it is my African instrument of choice to honour the kind of Kenyans I meet and feel proud to be a Kenyan. On the other hand the drum can be used for many things. Drums are beaten before some executions which is what I wish I could do to some of the Kenyans I meet, but for now drums of protest will do. Welcome to Kumekucha’s brand new column that puts personalities, faces and real life incidents into nationals of the great sleeping giant of a nation called Kenya. Every Tuesday or Wednesday only here in the most popular blog on Kenyan news and politics.
Ingenious city council askaris making money for Christmas
If you did not know it, City Council askaris these days arrest wananchi very frequently and not just hawkers. Many of them carry a special card that tell you (in case you did not know) that a city council askari can arrest you and get you locked up in cells pending your appearance in court. For a long time now they simply wait for you to spit on the pavement and quickly approach you and arrest you for the offence under the numerous city by-laws which are dreamt up of frequently and implemented by individuals at the city house of corruption.
But Nairobians have become wise and it is very difficult these days to catch people littering or emptying their dirty saliva on the streets. And so the clever moneymakers have dreamt up a brilliant new strategy. Now you can imagine the hustle and bustle that Kenyans are going through doing last minute Christmas shopping and errands. The city council has constructed certain barriers and rails to stop people from crossing busy roads at certain places. Some people have the habit of jumping over these railings to avoid the slow moving crowds on the city pavements.
City council askaris simply wait for you to do this and before you know it you have been arrested and bundled into a lorry to be transported to dirty stinking police cells where you will rub shoulders with carjackers and child rapists amongst other hardened criminals. But actually this is not the point of the whole exercise and only a handful get to the cells. The whole idea is to generate cash. A Kumekucha informant who was arrested yesterday stood at a distance after his release and observed something really fascinating. NOT everybody who jumped the railing was being arrested. Schoolboys are notorious for this and the askaris in plain clothes were ignoring them. Midddle aged folks and people who looked like thye had a lot of cash in their pockets were promptly being arrested. You can guess why. So that they remove a hefty bribe of Kshs 1,000 or 2,000 to avoid the police cells. In a space of about 10 minutes the Kumekucha informant saw at least 5 people being arrested. That is 30 every hour and a staggering 240 on a good busy day like yesterday. Multiply that by an average of Kshs 1,500 and what do you get? Kshs 360,000. Enough money to make Christmas very merry for quite a number of city council askaris, don’t you think?
Beat drums of protest with me at the corrupt and rotten system that is Kenya.
Can Aids be cured?
I remember the days, during Moi’s presidency, when Kenyans used to say that Aids was Kanu propaganda. Now we all know somebody who is suffering from this terrible disease that has no cure. Or does it?
A Kumekucha informant was referred to a herbal clinic in town which has got a record of literally bringing people back from the dead. Aids patients in the last terrible stages of the disease and too weak to even walk on their own have been brought to this clinic and given herbal treatment and within a very short time have recovered their health. Incidentally the same clinic also has herbal treatment for dental problems including turning brown teeth into white in no time at all.
Everybody knows that herbs work and so join me in playing the Nyatiti for the rise of herbal treatment in Kenya.
What are your plans for 2010?
As we head to the end of the year, this is a good time for reflection. You need to analyze what your weaknesses and shortfalls of 2009 were and find a way to improve in 2010 so that the coming year is much better for you.
A publishing company based in Nairobi is offering a wonderful package of 9 books at only Kshs 1,350.
The 9 books are;
1. Time Management
2. Sterling Success
3. Business Tips (265 of them)
4. The power of concentration
5. Public speaking
6. Power to change your life
7. How to study
8. The cure for ageing
9. The ABC of investing
I have browsed through the books and started reading some of them and they are great. Get these wonderful self help books for yourself.
I now play the Nyatiti in praise of this company and all those other small and medium sized companies out there in Kenya doing innovative things. These guys are the real engine of the Kenyan economy.
Breaking News: Blog claims that Jimmy Kibaki will run for Kieni seat