The United States Of Gaddafi

why the King of Kings must lay off the pipe
I think it’s about time we ban the reading of fairy tale story books in Africa. These books are becoming problematic. Do you know why all women dream of a white wedding, the type with flowing white wedding gowns and horse driven chariots? The answer is simple; they read ‘Cinderella’ as little girls. They spend years yearning the kiss from prince charming because of ‘Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs’. I’m yet to figure out what type of books Colonel Muammar Gaddafi read in his early years in Libya but clearly his dream of a United States of Africa must emanate from a spectacular fairy tale.

The ‘King of Kings’ is apparently disappointed by the reception of his vision by African presidents at the AU meeting. I hear he was banging his head on the table in defeat. Now, I’m neither a medical doctor nor a psychiatrist but I advice him to continue banging his head until he wakes up from that nightmare. Who really wants to share a country with the Santomeans? No offense to the proud people of São Tomé and Príncipe.

Well, I must admit that the grandeur of the concept is indeed intoxicating. A unifying currency may encourage African business; but how do you incorporate the Zimbabwean dollar? An African military force may mean peace; but what of Kony and his friends in the thickets of Uganda? An African passport, now that’s a great idea; but how do we trust Nigerians with that document? One president; if its Kibaki, will the rest of Africa stand the rants and antics of the first lady of Africa? And how do we move on if Raila is not appointed prime minister of Africa? Now, outside of being tourist attractions, what do the bush men of the Kalahari bring to the table? And what if Kivuitu chairs the Election Commission of Africa? Ultimately, the biggest obstacle will be determining where to locate the African Central Bank; that alone will ignite warfare across the continent.

I’m not sure what the King of Kings expected from a room full of Musevenis and Mugabes but his passionate call for unity appears genuine even though the fine print in his plan makes him the first president of Africa. Remember this chap is president for life in Libya. How exactly will he enhance democracy? Didn’t he get into power via a coup? And how about his hobby of shooting airplanes from the skies of Scotland? Look, I know people reform but honestly do we want a one-time-terrorist as the African president? Gaddafi may be a man of refurbished character but he must forget ruling Africa from Tripoli. Extending Libyan tentacles (Laico Grand Regency) all over Africa is not enough.

This is what I say. A unified Africa is a great idea touted by the wrong person and at the wrong time. If Gaddafi really sees a possibility here, he should invest his money in unifying communities within each country first. He must come to Kenya to preach unity between the Luo and Kikuyu. He must then visit Sudan and scold his fellow Arabs for shabbily treating the black Dafuris.

Charity begins at home.