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Wednesday, February 04, 2009

The United States Of Gaddafi

why the King of Kings must lay off the pipe
I think it’s about time we ban the reading of fairy tale story books in Africa. These books are becoming problematic. Do you know why all women dream of a white wedding, the type with flowing white wedding gowns and horse driven chariots? The answer is simple; they read ‘Cinderella’ as little girls. They spend years yearning the kiss from prince charming because of ‘Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs’. I’m yet to figure out what type of books Colonel Muammar Gaddafi read in his early years in Libya but clearly his dream of a United States of Africa must emanate from a spectacular fairy tale.

The ‘King of Kings’ is apparently disappointed by the reception of his vision by African presidents at the AU meeting. I hear he was banging his head on the table in defeat. Now, I’m neither a medical doctor nor a psychiatrist but I advice him to continue banging his head until he wakes up from that nightmare. Who really wants to share a country with the Santomeans? No offense to the proud people of São Tomé and Príncipe.

Well, I must admit that the grandeur of the concept is indeed intoxicating. A unifying currency may encourage African business; but how do you incorporate the Zimbabwean dollar? An African military force may mean peace; but what of Kony and his friends in the thickets of Uganda? An African passport, now that’s a great idea; but how do we trust Nigerians with that document? One president; if its Kibaki, will the rest of Africa stand the rants and antics of the first lady of Africa? And how do we move on if Raila is not appointed prime minister of Africa? Now, outside of being tourist attractions, what do the bush men of the Kalahari bring to the table? And what if Kivuitu chairs the Election Commission of Africa? Ultimately, the biggest obstacle will be determining where to locate the African Central Bank; that alone will ignite warfare across the continent.

I’m not sure what the King of Kings expected from a room full of Musevenis and Mugabes but his passionate call for unity appears genuine even though the fine print in his plan makes him the first president of Africa. Remember this chap is president for life in Libya. How exactly will he enhance democracy? Didn’t he get into power via a coup? And how about his hobby of shooting airplanes from the skies of Scotland? Look, I know people reform but honestly do we want a one-time-terrorist as the African president? Gaddafi may be a man of refurbished character but he must forget ruling Africa from Tripoli. Extending Libyan tentacles (Laico Grand Regency) all over Africa is not enough.

This is what I say. A unified Africa is a great idea touted by the wrong person and at the wrong time. If Gaddafi really sees a possibility here, he should invest his money in unifying communities within each country first. He must come to Kenya to preach unity between the Luo and Kikuyu. He must then visit Sudan and scold his fellow Arabs for shabbily treating the black Dafuris.

Charity begins at home.

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

lets deal with internal affairs first. Maize scandal

"Dr Khalwale led the onslaught on the Agriculture minister while Mr Namwamba introduced the name of a firm which he said was linked to a member of President Kibaki's family"

Anonymous said...

Kalamari,

How do explain why 31.8% of Kisumu men like to srew each other? I am talking about man falling in love with another man and having sexual love affair.
have you heard of Sodom and Gormorrah? Kisumu is next! Go preach repentance to your people before they perish.

Sayra said...

Lol ... what else do you expect them gals to dream of? There were no african story books to read and no songs by Mike Rua to listen to then. At the time they were just taught to dream ... even when you very well know in the deepest of your heart your wasting your time ... but you have to keep the tradition going so to speak. But what is worse the dreams they were taught to dream are unrealistic dream that will never be achieved since their behaviour tell the opposite.

When one is done with controlling a small country called Libya he looks for a bigger one and/or creates one called united states of africa. With nothing more to it than to satisfy the ego.

***

Kalamari, are you in the entertainment industry? ... your a REAL comedian!!!

Anonymous said...

Despite 'eaarning' close to 4 million sh every month between them from the tax payers, lucy and her illegitimate sloth of a husband could't stop their thieving itch hands. Gobbling NCPB maize and doWning it with triton oil- how pathetic!!

Taabu said...

Kalamari,
Just post date last years PEV and imagine what AU chairman Gadaffi would have done with his personal interets at stake. Small mercies from mother nature, we would be having no Kenya to speak of.

Speaking of which LEADER Gadaffi is hosting and entertaining typicla Kenyan mindset of grandiose ideologies bereft of any reality.

Look, we are not where we are because of lack of good ideas in the glossy white papers. V2030 and water by 2000 were all charades meant to fool us as the gate keepers feathered their nests. Ole wetu.

joe the choma man said...

Kalamari aka "Kalmo"
your problem my friend is that you lack imagination and a colourful one at that- picture this
MLK told the world "i have a dream" and today Barry K'Ogelo is sitting pretty in the WhiteHouse. A little closer to home...who in 2002 would have thought Baba Moi would 7 years down the line address a conference called "the Kenya we want" and ask us the question where did we go wrong as a country?

i think you get my point-dreams (like visions) can come true if you only just close your eyes and believe. i know its not sunday but i feel like preaching since Bishop Margaret is no longer in the pulpit

you said...
"Look, I know people reform but honestly do we want a one-time-terrorist as the African president?"...
we have a one time coup plotter as the Prime Minister of Kenya whats the problem? believe my friend, simply believe

Vikii said...

Kalamari, hats-off for a piece well written. I am a big fan of yours, not so much because of your ideas, but because of the ease and charm with which you put them across. Absolute beauty right there.

Now, about Colonel Gaddafi, he sure needs to put down the crack-pipe. This is a President so full of himself that he "sincerely" believes all other Presidents are sub-ordinate to him. The same guy who visited France and left an intra-governmental debate about his relevance raging in Paris. This is the President who showed President Museveni that there was a new sheriff in town when he visited kampala last year. This is the President whose delusions of grandeur should be treated with utmost contempt.

The unification of Africa, Kalamari, sounds like a great idea. The problem is that we are attempting to jump the gun. Our priority should be to seek good governance and economic stability within our own separate nations. Like you rightly point out, how would we handle Zimbabwe if we decided to unify with the urgency that demands President Gaddafi lives to witness and lead the unified Africa? How do we teach Somalis to understand the animal called government overnight? There is a minimum standard nations need to meet before they consider themselves players in international/regional politics. To me, only Botswana has really met those standards. We cannot get into political/economic unions when we do not even understand what nationhood means. There is a lot of work Africa needs to do before we even begin to entertain such thoughts.

Assuming we can miraculously overcome all the challenges a unified Africa poses, assuming we somehow get our acts together, why is Mr. Gaddafi so obsessed with who leads the new Africa Union? What criterion would we use to make him President? What credentials in enviable government leadeship does he have? And why should we talk of a possible President even before we have a constitution or even the consent of at least a majority of the tageted membership?

It is now clear that Gaddafi can do or say anything just to get a newspaper headline. What a shame!

Anonymous said...

Call him what ever you wish but the guy is talking sense this time.....

"The new African Union (AU) chairman, Libya's leader Muammar Gaddafi, has said that multi-party democracy in Africa leads to bloodshed.....Speaking at the AU summit in Ethiopia, Col Gaddafi said Africa was essentially tribal and political parties became tribalised, which led to bloodshed.

He concluded the best model for Africa was his own country, where opposition parties are not allowed.
......
Our parties are tribal parties - that is what has led to bloodshed
Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi

.......Col Gaddafi sought to back up his argument by citing other countries like Kenya, where elections in December 2007 were followed by ethnic killings, and war-torn Somalia....."We don't have any political structures [in Africa], our structures are social," Reuters news agency quotes him as saying..."Our parties are tribal parties - that is what has led to bloodshed." see link http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7870431.stm

Anonymous said...

given what is happening in kenya why are we discusing gaddafi. libyans are doing well.

Now can taabu post something on fraud and deception re ruto.

Anonymous said...

nice piece untill your unqualified hatred for RAO seeped thru.... 'And how do we move on if Raila is not appointed prime minister of Africa?'
Fact when RAO was not appointed PM in 2002 (MOU) which was a political arrangemet he formed ODM got electeced democratically as the presidential candidate then proceed to win 2007 election as president. Kibaki stole the elections and for the sake of peace ROA accepted the PM post.....so dick sucker get your facts right.
United states of Africa Is neither here nor there......Depending on how it is approached it could be a bane or blessing.

Sir Alex

b-carotene said...

The European style nation state is a tragic failure in Africa. My only assignment for the African Union (i understand there is a name change in the offing?), is to think a little more creatively about restructuring the continent into a format where the term nation state acquires some meaning within our own cultural and political setting.

Assuming feasibility, this might be an alternative to Gaddafi's own 'benevolent' dictatorship model? His argument that multi-party (literally)democracy in Africa is a bloody enterprise structured around ethnicity is not too far from the truth.

Anonymous said...

Lucy na maindi, Lucy na maindi.... Hatari kwa lango, Hatari kwa lango.... Goal!! Amefunga kwa lango la NJAA.

Anonymous said...

It is amusing to see our so called educated elite call Gaddafi all sorts of names... Too much CNN, BBC, etc etc tend to render one less than objective... Gaddafi is one of the few African leaders to have truly supported the ANC (ahh as well as plenty of the oppressed including the IRA) and I am not talking of simply lip service of course I can not leave out our brothers in TZ who hosted the ANC during the difficult times, so much to say about Kenyans!

Anyway we should not be quick to dismiss what Gaddafi is talking about as this can serve as a stepping stone to fixing the curse the Europeans bestowed on us, I am talking about the Ugali they cooked in Berlin sometime in 1884! Was there an African attending this conference?

So let me get this right, the mzungu defined our borders, decided who was to reside within those borders and now we defend those borders with our lives? that does not sound right, would you not agree... Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but we need a little vision, in my opnion Gaddafi is way ahead of our so called leaders and their tribal fiefdoms...

Anonymous said...

Anon2.26am. Be serious. Ati an african in Berlin in 1884!!!

Anonymous said...

Vikii (You are back. You have come out of hiding..),

This is for you and your type:

Some time at State House Last Tuesday evening after Kibaki had expressed his confidence in George "Goldenberg" Saitoti

Lucy: Saitoti is useless. He must go.

Kibaki (the election thief): Lucy, wewe ni mpumbavu sana.

Lucy: Ati what? Mimi, mpumbavu? I will teach you a lesson! You spineless man! shriek!!! - and with this, Lucy proceeds to unleash many, many slaps on Kibaki's unpadded cheeks.

Na bado. Punde si punde...

Lucy na maindi, Lucy na maindi.... Hatari kwa lango! Hatari kwa lango!!.... Goal!!! Amefunga kwa lango la NJAA. Goal Keeper Kalonzo "Msaliti" Musyoka hakujua what hit him. Ala! Musyoka ameinama hapo kwa goal, na kwa sauiti kubwa sana, Kuuaza kumsifuu Kibaki for being a very wise and visionary leader who knows how to make people starve and famines to endure.... ana shangaza watu wengi mno sana.....

Anonymous said...

Raila is useless! he can't even tell his kinsmen homosexuality is not good. Have you heard 31.8% of Kisumu men like it man-to-man and 25.9% women like it woman-to-woman?
That makes Kisumu the most immoral sin city in the world above Amsterdam and San Francisco.

Anonymous said...

Some time at State House Last Tuesday evening after Kibaki had expressed his confidence in George "Goldenberg" Saitoti.

Lucy: Saitoti is useless. He must go.

Kibaki (the election thief): Lucy, wewe ni mpumbavu sana.

Lucy: Ati what? Mimi, mpumbavu? I will teach you a lesson! You spineless man! shriek!!! - and with this, Lucy proceeds to unleash many, many slaps on Kibaki's unpadded cheeks.

Na bado. Punde si punde...

Lucy na maindi, Lucy na maindi.... Hatari kwa lango! Hatari kwa lango!!.... Goal!!! Amefunga kwa lango la NJAA. Goal Keeper Kalonzo "Msaliti" Musyoka hakujua what hit him. Ala! Musyoka ameinama hapo kwa goal, na kwa sauiti kubwa sana, Kuuaza kumsifuu Kibaki for being a very wise and visionary leader who knows how to make people starve and famines to endure.... ana shangaza watu wengi mno sana.....

chola said...

Is it possible Lucy ame hide maize hapo state house, while Kenyan are starving

Anonymous said...

Namwamba retracts statement on First Lady
By ANTHONY KARIUKIPosted Thursday, February 5 2009 at 16:24

Budalang'i MP Ababu Namwamba has issued a personal statement in Parliament, where he has retracted his allegation linking the First Lady to the maize scandal.

He said that records from the National Cereal and Produce Board- the State agency that deals with maize trade- and the ministry of Agriculture shows that Gingalili (1968) Ltd was allocated 500 bags of maize.

Mr Namwamba on Wednesday tabled documents that linked the firm to the First Lady.

He said that it would be stretching the truth to impute impropriety on the part of Gingalili (1968) Ltd for obtaining 500 bags of maize.

He apologised to the First Lady for the “embarrassment occasioned to Mama Lucy and the First Family.”

Mr Namwamba apology was, according to him delivered, at “the earliest opportunity” and was meant to “correct the erroneous and gross misrepresentation of facts.”

He said that he will soon table a dossier, including letters from senior government officials, linking them to the scandal.

Anonymous said...

Lucy Kibaki Vs Ida Odinga

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsDVzAaLZyY&feature=related

Watitu said...

http://f.imagehost.org/0507/download.jpg

What do you of the above picture of Ruto and Dr.Khawale exchanging blows?

Anonymous said...

Readers be warned the picture link by blogger "Watitu" above is not as described but contains an image of the oil tanker tragedy and may be disturbing.

Blog Admin

Anonymous said...

kenyans are weak they let white smack them in the head and take their money. They let arabs have sex with their sons and do nothing kenya is a nation of weak people

Anonymous said...

Martha karua ni supuu supuu!
martha karua for president!!

Anonymous said...

WHY ARE YOU SOO AND SOOO QUITE ABOUT THIS MAIZE / RUTO SCANDAL? IS IT BECAUSE HE IS MZEE PENTAGON THE DEN OF THIEVES?

emkamau said...

So you oppose the grand idea of African Unity because the messenger is Gaddafi? How narrow minded is it possible to be? The fact that you can not see the possibilities or the benefits of African Unification does not mean that they do not exist.

It is precisely the kind of thinking expressed in this post that has led to the internal failure of our African republics.

If you can be so dismissive and contemptuous of the the "Bushmen" or the citizens of Sao Tome how are you going to accept the Luos, Kikuyus, Kalenjins etc.

Lets get wise African's we need African Unity now! regardless of whom the messenger is, we must heed the message.

emk

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