First of all, I would like to ask for your forgiveness. I think we Kenyans have mastered the art of disturbing you in your retirement slumber much too often. But kindly sir, please realize that the following weeks are crucial to our survival as a nation of integrity; however little of which we have left. You see, we have reached the crossroads my friend. Turning left will lead us to an inconsequential special tribunal. Turning right takes us to the continuation of dilapidating impunity meted upon us by our politicians. We cannot dare turn backwards because that’s the path to sure hell. It’s clear our only redeemable option is moving forward i.e. directly to The Hague….at breakneck speed.
Now, your travels are vast and your life experiences supersede many, however, I’m sorry to say, you haven’t seen nothing yet until you have traded your space with a local mwanaichi. Only then will you understand what it means to get it in the place where the sun don’t shine. You see my friend, we are being held in bondage by a cadre of politicians armed with the power to raid our tax payer funded exchequer for the sole purpose of their own self preservation. The plight of the common man has never featured in the political agendas of these mosquitoes masquerading as MPs. I tell you buddy, if all our politicians died today and went to their designated chambers in hell, Lucifer himself will be filing for bankruptcy within a few days. Indeed, there will be an economic crisis in the underworld.
Kofi, Kenyans are tired and possibly defeated. We are immensely convinced that the vector towards Kenya’s prosperity is not pointing at Parliament Buildings; especially if it continues to house MPs who are magnificently deficient in everything that makes a good human being…..let alone the radiance of decency, integrity and legitimacy emanating from State House.
But let me update you on what they are trying to force feed us this time around. Let me give you a synopsis of the beast. Have you ever seen a congregation of drunken hyenas marching towards the lions den? Well my friend, that spectacle begins with the proposed special tribunal to try post-election violence suspects. Unfortunately for Kenyans, the lions in this case, are perpetually sky high on marijuana. Yes Kofi, it will be an all night political dance. The whole exercise is an opportunity to reward their friends with plum contracts as they boogey away the blood of the innocent lives lost in consequence of our embarrassing elections. It will be a pompous fraternity party holding court at the executive boardroom of the Laico Regency Hotel. While we have not been invited, we have seen this dance before. As we speak, there’s a stranger in the cabinet.
But you Kofi, yes you, can help us…. unless of course the Waki envelope contained a thick wad of notes of varied denominations. I think you understand where I’m going with this. Although you may have had a few hiccups here and there in your public service career, we know you as a man of impeccable propriety and decorum. It is in that consideration that we ask you to take the next available flight to the Netherlands. Please do this in solidarity with the people of Kenya.
Now we know too well that your delivery of that envelope to The Hague will not solve all our problems; but it will be the beginning to the end of impunity. After all, we are dealing with a flock of scavenging vultures who will continue stealing and causing mayhem even with a noose around their necks. Talk about the condemned to die stealing the hangman's rope. I’m sure they have sent emissaries to beg for extensions; but we ask that you refuse to listen. They will ask you what the point is in airing Kenya’s dirty linen in public for the world to see. To that I ask, what do you do when your little son messes the bed linens? Must you not put them out to dry? In Kenya, we have been housed in a dingy hut with no windows…and a lot of dirty linen. It is time for fresh air.
Kenya’s destiny must no longer be charted by a class of conmen with the least regard of our wellbeing.
Please pass my regards to your family.