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Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Obama - Are You Ready For This One?

I’ve tried and tried to understand the USA electioneering system but I always get lost somewhere in the Primaries, Caucuses and Super Tuesdays. Ours here I understand a little bit too well. Stuff enough ballot boxes with khangas and lamps and there you have your ticket to parliament. And a ministerial post soon after.

I’ve since given up on the US system but at least I know the basics. Barack Obama is in the lead. And he took a major stride towards Democratic Party’s presidential nomination with a victory over Hillary Clinton in North Carolina - a big win for the Obama camp which has put him almost beyond Hillary’s reach. The good very forgiving lady will need a miracle to reach him now.


In my effort to understand the system further, I came across a candidate who could very well be the next president of the United States of America. Maybe just as much as Nazlin Omar could have been Kenya’s president. His name is Jonathon ‘The Impaler’ Sharkey and he’s a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch. As a self proclaimed Satanist, Jonathon will be vying for the US presidency under the Vampires, Witches and Pagans Party which he founded in 2005. The party is officially recognized by the United States Federal Election Committee. Under Jonathon’s leadership (if he wins), gay marriages will not only be allowed, but as an ordained priest (Satanic) he will devote time once or twice a month and conduct them himself at the White House. He has major beef with the likes of Osama Bin Laden and Al-Qaida and although his preferred form of punishment for terrorists is to viciously impale them, he also has good plans to drop a bomb in the holy city of Mecca and level it to the ground.

This is not the first time Jonathon is vying for public office. He gave presidency a shot in 2004 and now again in 2008. He has also vied for congress in 3 states in the past, New Jersey, Indiana and Florida. In 2006, he ran for Governor of Minnesota.

It’s difficult to write much about him without sounding like I’m campaigning for him but one last thing. Those who know about wrestling might know him by the name ‘Rocky Hurricane Flash’. He’s also a professional boxer. You may not want to but if you want to see him on some blood stained vampire site, you can check it out here.

Check out Kasarani.com, a new way to meet and keep in touch with Kenyans worldwide. You can even start your own blog on Kasarani! Click here to go to Kasarani.com now

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ja Alego, you are unbwogable. Win and come back in Feb 2008 for a home coming party.

Sayra said...

Shiko mambos,

Waaa, at this rate ... we will soon have a certified witch running for presidency in Kenya ... woiii ... shindwe kabisa.

Can see am not alone in trying to understand the US system, am just waiting to see who will run against John McCain and i hope it will be Obama.

Anonymous said...

Ciku witu, I don't understand your witches....story but I can tell you now witches and wizards are the real force behind non development in Nyanza.
Our lakeside brothers and sisters believes in them so much, they hardly go home even for Xmas.

Anonymous said...

Wanjiku
AARE YOU THAT BORED?

Anonymous said...

Ciku

sorry but wanted to digress back to local issues for a little bit

was reading the script played out in Russia, and fell out of my chair with laughter. yes its possible

like another blogger suggested in a previous thread,

its possible for martha to delay constitutional reforms till the last minute, then parliament will rush through some cleverly crafted bill for an executive PM. THen come next elections, PNU (or whatever name they use e.g GEMAPARTNI - GEMA Party of National Integrity) gets an overwhelming majority having formed "an alliance" with others, then guess what, Kibaki as head of that new party becomes executive PM or if not kibaki maybe Uhuru or some other central guy.

heres is Russias story

notice how the new prezzy sounds like our very own Dep PM m-devedi
http://www.kenyatimesonline.com/content.asp?catid=3&articleId=108

just food for thought

Back to the Obama issue, this is the craziest primaries of all time, by the time these two are done with each other, McCain will not need to even lift a finger but just replay the tapes from the other contender.

Sayra, if you have read the previous posts, we already have such a tantrum throwing person somewhere, now who would that be?

UrXlnc

Anonymous said...

kk

just to follow up on my above post, lets ensure that there are no more loopholes for mischief by politicians at the expense of the long suffering wananchi. yes we need constitutional and institutional reforms, but lets be on the lookout for fine print being used to further partisan interests. Come the next general election lets truly elect leaders of our choice and not have some some Mugabe like fossils imposed on us.

UrXlnc

Anonymous said...

Whats this?? Your ridiculous post is DEVOID OF MEANING, DIRECTION or PURPOSE. wanjiku. PLEASE spear us such kindergaten nonsense! We can do better at Kumekucha.

Anonymous said...

the quality of blogs on this article peaked in March 2008. since then its been on a free fall. i also hate all the links to the sex stories i happen to see daily on this blog

Anonymous said...

The site you linked to is a documentary about "The Impaler's" run for the Governorship in Minnesota 2006. I saw it at the Seattle True Independent Film Festival (it won the Grand Jury Award there)and met the director. Sadly after watching "Impaler" Jonathon is nothing more then an empty shell of a man with mental health problems and a very sad story.

They have a myspace account that represents (in my opinion) the movie better instead of the one you linked to. www.myspace.com/theimpalermovie Check it out, I doubt you will be so enthused after watching the documentary.

Anonymous said...

Wanjiku
Funny article about some crazy presidential candidate, our Ngethe and Nazlin are saner. I received an invitation to join this new Kasarani site but was a bit reluctant. I have just checked it and it is somehow cool, though it seems I cannot hide under anonymous

Knoppix! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Knoppix! said...

Ciku,i want to imagine you wanted us to forget for a while the shenanigans that have been running about.Otherwise the post is scaringly funny and just like the other you did about the cat woman.

Cant remember her name and if i did i would bite my tongue.But atleast for a day we dint talk about politics!

N/B We urgently need the usual comment box.This current one appears like we have just joined form one and do not need freedom in class!Kindly return the old favour!

Knoppix! said...

Ciku,i want to imagine you wanted us to forget for a while the shenanigans that have been running about.Otherwise the post is scaringly funny and just like the other you did about the cat woman.

Cant remember her name and if i did i would bite my tongue.But atleast for a day we dint talk about politics!

N/B We urgently need the usual comment box.This current one appears like we have just joined form one and do not need freedom in class!Kindly return the old favour!

Anonymous said...

Wanjiku imagine in this one. Same here i am beaten hands down. But atleast we have heard comments from Knoppix after a while i heard that his power was connected that is why he was rare....These KPLC people. Now I pray and hope that the democrats will win coz either way if Obama wins it will be a plus for all the africans coz i mean he is black. And if Billary Wins then it is a plus for the women. So may the best person ...Otherwise i think i only understand the primaries yes i do that and the idea of the presidential candidates having a live debate and them presenting their issues and agenda...Yes the one that Kibaki chickened out...I guess he would have started saying hapo hapo, wachana na hao ni wapumbavu tu etc

Ivy

Chemeee said...

Question; if Obama does win the Democratic nominations and goes on to win the Presidency, would he come to Kenya for a home coming with Air Force One?

Anonymous said...

There is something about you Ivy, from all your comments, you sound sad, sorry, resentful, bitter, twisted bitch.
Why do seems to take things too personal?

Knoppix! said...

Ivy,

Oh yes there was no power all day and the whole day was pretty boring!

Lol,If Obama wins then most definetly the whole world is observing the new world order the latest being Zimbabwe where Kivuitus rigging machine was hired to only to breakdown!

I hope the machine is not hired to the US as its built in the UK.Hope all will be observed and Obama is in.

Ivy i called on you guyz to trace Taabu but you took it as a joke,perhaps he has been captured and we might never hear from him.Panya Ndani Ya Unga or Pitia Nyeri Uone might have captured him!Have a nice day today...........

BP ONE said...

Shiko... Me too, can’t understand, American politics. The more I try to understand it the more I get convinced with what a friend once told me before, "either democracy is synonymous with hypocrisy or the democrats are hypocrites”. Any 5 year old can can tell obama is famous and leading in the polls…..they just want to get rid of him simply because of his race…I think. Why can’t the Lady just quit? See the link http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1738215,00.html
As for Jonathon Sharkey, don’t worry we shall cast the devil out of him…Do you ask how? Simple!!!…We shall send him a post card of Osama with a “fatwa” duly sign by the sheikh him self.

Anonymous said...

I am just wondering if Obama does not win the nomination or presidency, are Americans going to riot, kill, rape and burn each other out? Just a thought!

Kwale

Knoppix! said...

Kwale,
Hahahahha that question sounds like that of a pedestrian along Bunyala road in Nairobi!Anyone could tell your question stems out of the Kenyan Chapter of elections last year.
Apparently Americans and other Nationalities will die depending on who wins in the US but not directly but in one way or the other and one being in the pursuit of WMDs! Need i say more Kwale?

Anonymous said...

Taabu is busy with preparations for the home coming bash

Anonymous said...

It seems i have rattled a snake in the name of Anon 1:52..Lol i am one of the happiest bitch around, and trust me why should i be bitter and yet i have n't been displaced by my landlady....Just wondering how does a twisted bitch look like? or that is a post for another day?
Anon 1:52 please let me spare you the agony dont read my comments if they make you sad!!!
Knoppix i bet Taabu is in Moscow preparing for the final armaggedon on 21st...Ujue those MANu's dont know how to paka juju...
Pole for the blackout, we will sue KPLC for damages

Ivy

Anonymous said...

Kwale....
No, of course, that won’t happen. We have patented it, so it is purely Kenyan. We have learned a lesson from the "kiondo" patent case. I hope you can remember. May we can lend to our African brothers in Africa only. So don’t worry. If in case it happens in the USA, then it is a Kenyan behind it. By the way what tribe is Hillary Clinton? I know obama’s tribe.
Mr. Midnight Preacher.

Anonymous said...

Some readers here have to loosen up big time. otherwise you will be depressed. whtats wrong with a funny article for a break from all the depressing siasa?

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