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Sunday, March 16, 2008

Sunday Doodles: Of Rides and Crazy Fellows

Have you ever travelled at the back of an open lorry on a rough, bumpy, country road? If you have, then, the poem below 'holds' a similar experience. I promise you, it’s not the best of experiences.

A ride I took on 22nd of December the year 2001 occasioned the poem below. I was travelling to a certain part of Central Kenya (some kilometres from Nyahururu) to attend the wedding ceremony of a friend. The place was Shamata.
To digress, Shamata is well known for two principal things: biting cold and potatoes. When I arrived at Shamata, I looked like a baboon as I had ridden at the back of a lorry. What with dust all over my face, clothes and shoes; swollen hands and a throbbing headache! (And to think I was to attend a wedding…) I hate to remember the experience.

Rough, Bumpy Ride

'twas on 22nd of December,
The year two thousand and one,
When the mother of all bumpy rides,
Called out my three names.

I took my place in the lorry;
Sweet peace inundated my heart,
As I thought of a smooth ride,
A ride to 'potato-infested' Shamata.

Hell broke loose,
When this crazy fellow,
Took the steering wheel,
And slammed on the gas pedal.

I was thrown up and backwards,
I danced sideways, east and west,
My whole body shook,
My blood froze.

My eyes popped out,
As I saw death calling me;
All the while, the crazy fellow,
Drove on in murderous frenzy.

In and out of every pothole,
Was the name of the game;
As I bumped my head,
I said my last prayer:

God you created this crazy guy,
You created me in the same style,
Why should I lose my life,
Because of his madness, why Lord?

God at once said:
I created you, Yes,
But I don't remember,
Telling you to be in this lorry!

With every mile we took,
Dust masked my face,
Red-brown dust,
Made me a human baboon.

As the lorry creaked and wailed,
So did my bones threaten,
Threaten to break,
If the crazy fellow didn't stop.

I cried and called out,
But the engine swallowed my voice,
So, ofcourse, I had no choice,
But to swallow the bitter pill.

At last,
The lorry drew to a stop,
After swallowing miles without number,
Miles I will live to curse.

The 'back' was opened,
And out jumped a baboon,
A baboon in white shirt and checked coat,
A baboon that asked for water.

All who saw me,
Nearly ran for their lives,
And shook their heads at a distance,
Wondering, why a baboon in Shamata.

But all said and nearly done,
I'll live to hate crazy fellows,
I'll live to detest blue lorries,
Which love to create baboons.

P.S.: - The driver of the lorry, an acquaintance of mine, was travelling to Shamata to get a consignment of potatoes to transport to Nairobi. I thought that by taking the lorry I would be saving on fare. But, in essence, I lost so much more than I had hoped to gain.

My two cents worth: Think twice before you plunge into things that you think could save you a certain cost. You could end up regretting!


Anonymous said...


William Samoei Ruto has HIMSELF endorsed Mudavadi as Deputy PM in tonight's (Sunday) NTV Jioni news.
You have insulted us as idiots when we told you that we are insiders and we know how things are. But you have thought you are a good analyser of information and insisted that Ruto will be made DPM because he brought in more votes for ODM than Raila himself.

Who is the idiot now? Jogoo wa shamba hawiki mjini.

Next time you do your analysis, please be gracious enough to hear what the insiders are saying. And never call anybody an idiot just because he does not see things your way. I said you are opinionated, impatient, arrogant and pathologically a GEMA apologist. I stand by my words.

If you are a true gentleman/woman, apologise. If you don't, then it will be a confirmation that you are what I described you to be!!!


In case you have forgotten, read below two of the four responses I made to you, and to which I have been vindicated.

You come across as one opinionated, arrogant, impatient and ethnicised GEMA apologist who thinks that everybody must accept what you say or else. You are not a good person to engage in a discussion with because you pride in ramming things down people's throats and when they don't want to swallow it you call them idiots.

You are not GOD my friend, just a fellow Homo sapiens who is finite, limited in capacity and with a shelf life not exceeding 100years (I am being generous, if you are in Kenya, the shelf life is a measly 45 years!!) I am not an idiot just because Raikkonen says so.

From your comments in this thread, you strike me as one who got a lump in your throat when Raila and Kibaki came together and you thought it was a bad dream. Now that reality has struck you, you now live in denial. And when your sobriety comes up once in a while, you make wishes and then think and live like what you wished is what is. You are, for some reason, obsessed with the position that Raila will choose Ruto as his Deputy PM. You don't have any facts from the ground except for some statements you have read in the papers (when you quote Nation, I take it with the same seriousness one took Kenya Times during the Moi days) spiced with your fertile imagination.
Let me give you facts, spiced with information from the ground. Raila held up Mudavadi's hand high during the ODM presidential nominations on 1st September 2007 and declared before all the delegates that he (Mudavadi) was the vice captain. All the delegates applauded and since then, there has been no dispute about. Mudavadi has been accorded all the respect due to a vice captain by both Raila and the ODM team. Raila has told us several times that his word is his bond.

It is not in the interest of ODM that Ruto gets the Deputy PM because he is abrasive and overly ambitious. He is not likely to go along with Raila with loyalty and humility the way Mudavadi would. If he gets that job, it will either be because Mudavadi will get a bigger job, or out of civility on Mudavadi's part. Raila knows very well that if Ruto gets the job BECAUSE he worked for it, then he will not be loyal to him, but will instead push harder for other things and fight hard to expand his influence, even to the detriment of the party(ask Wiper). Loyalty is a very important, if not critical, aspect in the politics of Kenya. It was best exemplified by one JJ and a certain court poet during the Nyayo era.

The same Nation that you quoted has this Sunday said that Ngilu is rooting for Mudavadi as Deputy VP. You have or will selectively ignore this piece. But it is significant because Ngilu is the first Pentagon member to speak on this matter and make her choice publicly. It must be carrying some weight, more than the few Kalenjin ordinary MPs you are basing your argument on. Even among the Kalenjin, there is the Koskei (Henry)-Koskei (Sally) axis which is not enthusiastic about Ruto's rise politically. Everybody accepts that Ruto has worked hard in and for ODM, but as Moi told Saitoti, "You are my friend, but not all friends are presidential material." Ruto is still very useful and a great asset to ODM, but Raila has been quoted saying that not everyone in ODM will get he wants.

Finally, let me tell you something about the GEMA unity you think is invincible. Right now there are more than 100,000 Kikuyus in IDPs (the ones Kalonzo "agreed" to host in Ukambani). They are predominantly of Kiambu extraction because very few Nyeri Kikuyus have bought land in RV. These IDP kyuks are bitter with the Nyeri kyuks because the latter contributed to their current state. The few who could go elsewhere went but the majority have remained in the IDPs hoping to go back to their RV farms. They will not want to rock the boat again in the next elections and will lie low like envelops in order to have their peace. Njuri Ncheke are waiting for things to cool down before they remind Lucy that she owes them a goat and possibly an apology for calling them "foolish Merus" (I feel she will not bend that low) and this might cause displeasure among the Amerus. Kirinyagans have derogatorily been referred to as "Toilet Cleaners" by the Kyuks and the effects of this might reverberate in future.

The post-election violence that we are coming out of has affected everyone, and it has definitely changed perceptions and values of Kenyans. The ethnic card may not work very well in the next elections. People will vote in leaders who guarantee them peace and continuity. Voting will be such that the outcome does not ignite ethnic tensions and hostilities.

So, Raikkonen, cool down and sober up. I know it is in the interest of the GEMA group that Ruto is chosen Deputy PM because they think this will bring tensions and possibly break away in ODM. But if wishes were horses, even beggars would get a ride. Do you want a ride?

You have gone round and round until you have lost the gist of the argument. You have been insisting that Ruto should/will/must be given the Deputy PM post because he brought in more votes than Raila himself. I have been telling you that that may not necessarily be the criteria of choosing the DPM. You keep insisting as if you are an insider. You base your reasoning on the statements made by a few Kalenjin MPs. And just as I predicted above, you are conveniently ignoring statements from Ngilu and Luhya MPs that Mudavadi should be the DPM. what makes you think that only the Kalenjin voices will be heard? And since you are insisting so much, what will you say when Ruto will not be chosen DPM?
How Karua and Kikuyus' desires have come into this argument, I can't understand. How it adds value to your line of argument is beyond my comprehension.
Let's do this, Raikkonen, let's wait until the ODM DPM has been chosen and the reasons/criteria used, then we can discuss better. As for now it is just my word against yours and yet we are just both speculating.
Ahhh! but I loathe your tribalistic leaning and Kikuyu supremacy mentality.

Anonymous said...


and here i thought i hated poetry!!

oh boy! ritchie you are funny!!!

Taabu said...

Anon@9.35 please spare Kimi Raikkonen some heat. He has the right to his take even when he mouths them with all the gloating and bravado. Kimi is only living in juvenile fantasy ala Jogingar Singh time-connect his tag name to F1 and see the childhood Jogingar Singh fame!!

Meanwhile your post is on the wrong thread. In the process you added pain to Ritch's aching ribs after the eventful rocky ride to Shamata.

Anonymous said...

Hiyo kali bwana. Am just curious; how many baboons jumped out after the 'back' of the lorry was opened and why were people scared of this particular baboon?
You made my day.

Anonymous said...

hahaha. Your poem brought some flooding memories of a similar ride I took going to Kinangop aboard a lorry like the one u rode and with a similar driver if not crazier. Just one simple question... the bumpy ride made yr joints ache but what did u do to deal with the cold? My simple guess, someone lent u some "susana pomade" if they had some and if they didnt, then a bar soap of "sunlight" dipped in water was the next thing.. right ?

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