Thursday, March 27, 2008
Mugabe Does a Kibaki+Moi on Zimbabwe
As Zimbabwean head to the polls on Saturday, Mugabe has warned Zimbabweans NEVER to dare do a Kenya on him. President Bob has promptly read the mandatory riot act to the opposition warning them of brimstone and hell should they dare protest in the event of losing the elections. Cut from the same cloth, the script is like a cut-and-paste from Major Ali’s warning to Kenyans banning any protest just before last year’s stolen elections? Trust Mugabe and his age mates to know a thing ordinary mortals don't - election results in advance. Theirs is coronation after a national ritual.
African fossils for leaders all behave the same. After inviting hyper inflation to take permanent residence in Zimbabwe 84-year old comrade Bob still considers himself the most expensive gift God bestowed to the Shonas and Ndebeles. A hitherto breadbasket in Southern Africa has been steadily transformed to basket case. With 8 degrees to his name over 100,000% inflation (yes hundred thousand) is nothing but figures to Zimbabwe's tin god.
Robert Gabriel Mugabe is leaving nothing to chance. He is still stuck with the old antics which Moi perfected here in Kenya. Mugabe has ensured none of the two opposition presidential candidates gets his adverts aired even after paying. What is more, no landing for their campaign choppers. But the icing on the theft-in-advance cake is printing 9 million ballot papers for 6 million registered voters. Ole wetu, we never patented the TOP-UP vice, or we thought we did?
Behind every senile African leader lurks either a deranged or calculative first lady. Mugabe cannot afford to do anything against the wishes of his 37-year old former secretary-turned-wife. Grace Marufu cannot imagine life outside real power at that TENDER AGE. Having a whole Boeing Air Zimbabwe full of passengers wait for ONLY 18 hours as she shops elegantly in Cairo in no big deal either.
Old is really wood, a very expensive timber. Mugabe's 300+ bedrooms palace is worth KES 800m and encircled by TWO man-made lakes. That is obtuse opulence for you in a land where policewomen and soldiers subsidise their paltry income with selling their bodies. No wonder the above half million Zimbabwean dollar isn't enough to buy a banana!
Kenya doesn't have a monopoly to bad political manners. We are in good company albeit of the primitive variation. Political dinosaurs are our bane and we are stuck with them kama kupe as one Ivy loves telling us here at Kumekucha. The services of his Excellency Kofi Annan has never been in such high demand. Na bado.