Wikileaks and desperate Kenyans

If there is something major that I have learnt this year thus far then it is the fact that one is never old enough to lose a parent. I can hardly think of anything that have been as devastating to me in this life as the loss of my Dad. Even if he was from a different generation. The generation of President Mwai Kibaki. Conservative as they come with certain views, rules and principals cast in stone. This had to be the main reason why in his last days he had clearly lost touch with a new world where rules and principals are super-fluid and where change is happening too fast for anybody to fully grasp it, let alone its’ implications.

A friend once quipped that I seem to know Mwai Kibaki so well. If this has come out in my writing then it has a lot to do with the fact that I understood that my dad was from the same time and thus tended to think along very similar lines.

It took me many years but finally I learnt to accept him for what he was. Especially because of the positive side of being unshakeable. The man just couldn’t take a bribe or even look the other way. He just couldn’t. Many times his life was threatened simply because he was unable to do the safe thing of walking away and pretending he had seen nothing. He often told me that his conscience just couldn’t take it. Rare breed indeed and clearly the kind of people we need to shape and create our new Kenya. And if he were still alive today and was in a position of power he would not have been worried about that terror word amongst the high and mighty these days; wikileaks.

Wikileaks is that magic terror word that causes the rich and powerful to wake up in cold sweat at night (that is when they do manage to get some sleep). I spent a little time yesterday reading the Sunday Nation and could not help agreeing wholeheartedly with a number of opinion pieces denouncing Kenyans for the habit of falling over themselves to show mzungus just how much they knew.

I have been privileged to have gone to school with and even found myself in quite a number of situations where I have interacted with Mzungus and I can authoritatively tell you that irrespective of the smiles and kind words, they have a very low opinion of us in general. And I am not being racial. This is made worse when we always seem to want to bend over backwards to please them and show them how clever we are.

Indeed this is one of the reasons why I respect Tanzanians, even with all their poverty and issues. Walk into any office in Kenya today ahead of a mzungu and you will be told to wait while the mzungu who is behind you in the queue is served first. One day in 2004 I walked into a Dar office several paces behind a mzungu and was shocked beyond words when he was asked to wait while the man asked me; nitakusaidia aje kaka? (How can I help you my brother?). Later I heard many Tanzanians point out how most mzungus love to come to Africa to exploit Africans and take away from them while pretending to help. I thought to myself how true this was and how naïve we Kenyans are while being so desperate to look intelligent in front of white folks while actually making an utter fool of ourselves.

That is how diplomats readily get so much information from clueless government officials and even politicians. I can imagine a new arrival being briefed by a fellow diplomat thus;

“Simply wine and dine them old fellow. They are obsessed with unhealthy red meat. Just roast plenty of the disgusting flesh over some charcoal fire and keep their glasses filled mostly with that trashy beer they call Tusker and they will sing better than any bird you know…”

I recently almost threw up as I listened to a popular Radio personality host a mzungu on their show. I have interviewed many people and attended many press conferences in my time and it is so easy for me to tell when the person asking the questions is making an effort to look intelligent. Actually the best interview is where you ask the kind of questions your audience would ask, even the stupid ones. The reason why the Wikileaks revelations are so detailed and accurate is because somebody asked plenty of stupid questions over some nyama choma and Tusker, now guess who looks intelligent?

Don't miss: Wikileaks and the Pavlov Dogs Saga

P.S. Did you catch the Wikileaks where VP Kalonzo Musyoka wanted the mzungus to put pressure on Kibaki to step aside on account of his health (discussed here in Kumekucha many times before 2007) so that he would ascend to the presidency and be in pole position when fresh elections are called? Amazing stuff!!

SEE: Kalonzo's long history of wanting people to step down for him

Kenyan Tribal Violence at Foreign Ivy League University

What is the executive diverting attention away from?

5I have been away burying my dad. Predictably it has been a very sad time for me. Yeah, yeah I know how fashionable it is these days to celebrate somebody’s life at their funeral rather than just feel sad and only focus on what may have been but never was, but hey I am human after all and the guy was my dad.

Enough of that for now but for those still interested I will talk about the man who was the true inspiration behind your beloved Kumekucha and our stormy relationship in the weeks and months to come as I continue to come to terms with the sudden events of January 19th this year and the aftermath.
Time for me may have stood still in the past few weeks but oh my, nothing has stood still on the local political scene. So much has happened and there is so much to discuss and reveal. Indeed I debated with myself for hours to decide what this first post would be about.

Let’s talk about diversion tactics, shall we. Because there has been so much of that in recent times so much so that I am very scared for Kenya. By the end of this post you too will be.

Diversion tactics work best when you want to attack a fortress of sorts. You start a small fire (that looks big) on the side so that everybody’s attention is focused on your dangerous looking fire, including those who are supposed to be guarding the fortress with their lives. And so it becomes very easy for you to go in and steal the crown jewels. With proper execution some people will never get an inkling of what you did.

There was a time that many people used to believe that Mwai Kibaki drunk too much, but would president Kibaki with his array of top notch advisors make unconstitutional appointments without realizing what he had done? And then keep insisting that they were constitutional while clinging to legal straws that are at best laughable?

I don’t think so. The idea there was to divert attention.

Many of you will have heard of the Prime Minister using the same effective technique (according to Wikileaks revelations) to divert attention from substantiated allegations that he had appointed close relatives to key diplomatic posts.

All past Kenyan presidents starting from Kenyatta and Moi have been known to frequently use diversion tactics on the hapless public.

The question on your mind now should be; what is our attention being diverted away from? Serious political analysts will have no problem with the first guess. The ICC stu***.

But methinks that there is also something else almost as serious brewing which I hope to discuss here in the days to come. Meanwhile it is great to be back. I missed Kumekucha much more than I thought I would.

Some people don't think Kibaki is the main target on Ocampo's list