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Sunday, October 23, 2011

Is The Prime Minister Corrupt?

Is it possible that Raila "must be president in 2012" Odinga is corrupt?

I launched this blog in 2005 with an open mind. I promised myself to be balanced and NOT to have any sacred cows. Not even my hero and the biggest inspiration behind this blog, one Tom Mboya has been spared. I have always told it as it is and almost paid with my life once.

At the beginning there was no problem because I uncovered little on one Raila Odinga. But now things have gotten really hot. It seems that it is okay to criticize Mwai Kibaki and say all sorts of things about him... but the minute I say anything negative about Raila Odinga... TROUBLE.

The last time I published some info on the man in my raw notes, this blog was shut down by a very serious Malware attack. Luckily highly skilled friends of this site bailed us out. I also received some very angry emails from some of my subscribers... HOW DARE I..?##$@!!

I am scared. What do I do with the information I have on Raila Odinga and corruption at the PM's office? What do I do with info that I have been researching over the last 2 years or so?

Help me answer the question with the multiple choice answers below.

a) I cannot afford to have the blog shut down again... NOT NOW. So I keep quiet and survive to fight another day.

b) I reveal only bits and pieces carefully leaving out any incriminating bits that mention the "holy" Captain and pretend that I am being fair and balanced.

c) Contact PNU hardliners for a hefty bribe in exchange for the information (although it may be a little late now with the latest developments at the PM's office.)

d) Seek political asylum and all the high profile stuff that goes with it... probably in Ethiopia or even better... Libya. Actually my first choice would be South Africa followed by Swaziland (have always dreamt about attending those dances where the King selects a new bride annually).

e) Publish a Mwai-Kibaki-bashing post instead and weave all kinds of conspiracy theories about how this whole thing is a PNU plot to finish Raila after he attacked the President Kibaki last week concerning 2008 poll chaos. This will sell better and give me more traffic especially from ODM strongholds in the US and Europe.

f) Publish and be damned.

Guys tell me what to do.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Why Are We Still Supplying Cash and Khat To Somalia?

The Bitter option indeed

There are wars that you get involved in for very justifiable reasons. For example a neighbouring country invades you and you defend yourself. If you lose precious lives in such a conflict you somehow feel that it is justified.
But Kenya has now been sucked into what is really somebody else’s war. A war that has nothing to do with us. Why do we keep on losing Kenyan lives on behalf of the United States of America? The country where Kenyans need to have an HIV test to go to (apart from going through all kinds of embarrassing and uncomfortable procedures to qualify for a mere 7 day visa)? Truly the US must be heaven, as Martha karua once said. But folks now we are at war because ncle Sam can’t do his own tidying up well enough.

If the Al Shabab rebels without a cause hate the friends of America so much, why don’t they attack Liberia and other countries that are much closer to the United States? Why poor impoverished problem-ridden Kenya? The country hosting relatives of Al Shabab guys?

Most Kenyans remember the bombing of the US embassy in Nairobi which at the time was the biggest strike against the Americans anywhere including US soil. But was it really against the Americans? How many Americans died? And how many Kenyans died? Well over 100 innocent Kenyans lost their lives while a handful of Americans died. How unfair!!!

Now our hand has been forced into entering Somalia to pursue some confused kids who get an erection every time the name Al Quaida is mentioned. More Kenyan blood will be spilt… and for what?

It just makes me very angry because I know what it means going to war. Or sending your brothers and sons who happen to be in the Kenya army to war. Sadly politicians don’t think in those terms. More dangerously so the man sitting in State House now who knows that he cannot constitutionally seek a third term (and neither can he steal another term like he did the last time).

But even more ridiculous is the fact that we are still exporting tons of khat (miraa) to Somalia every day. You can imagine that Al Shabab confused kid sitting on his carpet in the evening chewing the stuff for inspiration on where and how to hit us next. Yep we are inspiring the enemy. Instead of hitting him where it hurts the most.

How about shutting down Eastleigh? I know many innocent Somalis will suffer but I believe Kenyan lives will also be saved because it has been proved that Al Shabab financing comes through Kenya. ALWAYS!! And so apart from supplying the enemy with Khat we are also their banker and money transfer agent.

WOW!!!

What Chris Kumekucha is reading: Man died on plane while being deported back to Africa

Hero Tom Mboya finally honoured 42 years after Kenya desperately tried to forget this great man.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Vision 2099: Occupy State House and Bunge

Having learnt first hand from our in-house resident KK economist it is clear that the writing is on the wall: - time has come for Kenyans en masse to become part of the spreading global revolution. You have to hand it to the Arab world and their spring movement for inspiring a worldwide rebellion against economic injustice. True to form the North Americans never fail to miss a beat when it comes to organizing vocal protest groups to vent their frustrations against the imperialist son of Kogelo seated in the WhiteHouse.

Make no mistake: the present worldwide economic meltdown is SOLELY to blame for the economic hardships besotting Kenyans. No single individual in Kenya is wealthy enough to hoard dollars in any commercial bank that can cause an entire economy to devalue its currency. Whining Kenyans have no reason to complain about forfeiting luxury items like sugar and bread. But it is another matter all together when the cost of living touches on the most basic survival staple food UNGA. Matters are only made worse when the teachers and doctors the foundation of any society are forced to take matters into their own hands in the name of seeking commensurate remuneration

Yes the squeeze is undeniably evident amongst wanaNICHI as all sectors of life and economy experience prices shooting through the roof but only self-denial can make anybody divorce Kenyans current predicament from bad governance and LACK OF LEADERSHIP by example and from in front.The economists do not lack necessary credentials it takes to see the economy grow from outside your window but they never fail to miss an opportunity to address issues critical to Kenyans. But before you judge the ruling elite harshly remember they are only playing to the gallery by keeping the country in a permanent election mood with hardly a year left to the next polls.

The voting public must now be ready to hold peaceful elections this very minute and occupy state house for the sake of reigning in economic SHEEPLE. Any other attempts to discuss politics in the face of a financial crisis is mere window dressing as the ruling class have perfected their skills at stealing, misallocating resources all the while snarling at international Kangaroo courts of justice attempts to encroach on our very Kenyan turf. Well sorry we have a mind of our own as Kenyans and will not easily be taken in by western propaganda. NA BADO

Can the Kenya Army Defeat The Al Shabab?

Other recent posts by Chris:

The Bitter Option Indeed

Could this be what the government is doing with US Dollars?

There was very heavy gunfire outside and I was huddled inside the tiny cupboard with my mother and younger brother (two years younger than me). I was only a handful of years old but I was really scared. More scared than I have ever been in my life. My kid brother threw up in the cupboard all over my mum’s night gown. This was Isiolo. My dad was not home having gone to the officer’s mess for his usual evening drink and Shifta bandits had raided the town and taken everybody (including the heavy Kenya Army presence) completely by surprise. I can remember the events of that day as if it was only yesterday, young as I was then.
An American marine stripped almost naked and being dragged painfully along the streets of Mogadishu to a large crowd of cheering onlookers in the early 1990s shortly before President Clinton hurriedly pulled out American forces from the Wildest Wild West of Africa. Can the Kenya Army now win a war that American could not?

Years later I learnt that things had not been any better at the mess which was a stone’s throw from where we lived. Everybody had taken cover when the Somali Shifta gunfire had started, including my dad. Somebody had also hit the lights and the place was in darkness. But after a short while my dad noticed some liquid on the floor near him. There seemed to be a leak somewhere. Or had somebody poured petrol into the place waiting to ignite it and destroy everything and everybody in there? He anxiously scooped up the liquid and carefully smelt it. It wasn’t petrol. It was human urine. The officer taking cover right next to him had passed urine over himself in fear.

As you might have guessed I survived that unforgettable night of 1968. Somehow the Soldiers and police in town managed to keep the Shifta bandits at bay but fighting continued into the wee hours of the morning because I remember dozing off with gun fire still ringing in my ears.

That was the Shifta war of the late 1960s. Now history has brought us full circle and the new name for the same enemy is Al Shabab.

As predicted by this blogger in my raw notes months ago, after being defeated in Mogadishu, the Al Shabab have resorted to guerrilla tactics against Kenya. These Somali terrorists have become such a serious threat to Kenya that for the first time in the history of our nation we are at war. Nobody wants to say it but that is exactly what is happening as you read this.

The Kenya Army has been deployed to our borders with orders to neutralize all Al Shabab threats 100 KM into Somalia from our borders. If that is not full scale war, then I need to go back to school to learn English.

This new development brings back old memories of the terror that the Shifta unleashed on Kenyans. You see the Somalis are masters of guerrilla tactics and if you do not believe it ask the crack American Marines who were defeated very embarrassingly on the streets of Mogadishu in the early 1990s.

In other words we have entered a Vietnam situation. For those who throw up at the mention of history a quick translation is in order. Ladies and Gentlemen the Kenya army has entered a war that it can never win. We lost the shifta war of the late sixties with very heavy casualties and there is nothing to suggest that this time round the results will be different.

Admittedly we have very few options in this matter as our neighbours Somali seem to be very determined to share their chaos with us. Even full international intervention will not wipe out the Al Shabab threat overnight.

I hate to be the one to break this to you on a Monday morning of all days... but apart from our other numerous problems, including a free falling Kenyan Shilling that is yet to hit the ground, we are now at war as a nation.

God help Kenya.

Kenyan Forces Pursue Al Shabab into Somalia

Saturday, October 15, 2011

The Bitter Option Indeed!

Read another recent post by Chris: Is this what the government is doing with US dollars?

Safaricom strategy at the expense of Kenyans: Sustain big fat profits at all costs!!

It is now cheaper to call a Safaricom subscriber from rival Yu or Zain lines! Yep cheaper by a whole shilling than it is to call the same Safaricom subscriber from a Safaricom line. This is all in the latest effort by one of the most profitable enterprises in the history of East And Central Africa to further jack up their stinkingly huge profits. It matters little to them that Kenyans are going through the hardest of times hit by a free falling Kenyan shilling and inflation that is stubbornly pointing north.

You would think that such a creative company would find other more creative ways of sustaining their obscene revenues and profits. It may not be easy for most Kenyans to picture just how much money Safaricom is already making from Kenyans. And so let us take their revenue in the last financial year. If it was to be distributed to all Kenyans we would all get slightly over Kshs 2,000 each!!! Including your small two month toddler!!

But the really fascinating thing about Kenyans is that they have opted to stick with the bitter option and in effect frustrate the initiative towards lower calling tariffs. You would have thought that Kenyans would actively support low tariff networks like Yu, but it seems that it has all become an image game and everybody wants to show that they do not have any cash problems by sticking to Safaricom, no matter how bitter the experience is in reality.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Could This Crazy Story Be True?

As most of you already know, this blogger relies a lot on tips and information given in confidence to stay ahead in this game. I classify my informants into two general categories going by the track record of the reliability of their information. These categories are “reliable” and “unreliable.” And even then I try my best never to publish any information until I have verified it from at least two independent sources. It is always very difficult to verify some of the crazy tips I receive and most of it is impossible to check out.
When I cannot confirm the accuracy of a tip I will usually just file it away for future reference.

I always get amazed at how tips re-emerge many months later and turn out to be pretty accurate, even when they have come from very unreliable and untested sources.

I will never forget the most ridiculous tip I have ever received for the Kumekucha blog. It came a few months before the disputed 2007 presidential elections and it came from a source that was usually very unreliable. I was told that President Kibaki would steal the presidential elections and would win by a very thin margin of about 200,000 votes or less. That was ridiculous, I said to myself. Surely whoever crafted such a plan would see the blood bath that would result if anybody were to try out something so recklessly stupid. President Kibaki was many things but surely he would never sanction something as crazy as that, I told myself.

Still the warning bells went off in my head and I decided to sound off the tip with somebody who knew the president very well. Their reaction shocked me.

“It is very possible. He has done it before.” They went on to refer me to a little know story I had never heard of, about a parliamentary election in Nairobi in 1969 where Kibaki lost to a woman.

The second person I called gave me the right reaction I was looking for. They laughed. “You have to be careful about these sources of yours, that tip is more appropriate for comedy.” When we hang up, the person was still laughing. “You’ve made my day with that crazy story of yours,” they said.

Today I want to share a very crazy tip with you guys.

Months ago. When the Kenya shilling was still very firm against the US dollar somebody whispered something crazy into my ear. I shall call my informant the mathematician. Our conversation went something like this.

Mathematician:- Get out your calculator I have a story that is too hot even for Kumekucha.
KK;- Really?
Mathematician:- Imagine a situation whereby you wanted to raise a lot of money for an election campaign and you were in a position to manipulate the exchange rate. What would you do?
KK;- Am not sure, you tell me.
Mathematician:- The simplest way would be to accumulate all the dollars I would get my hands on, beg borrow and even steal. Cause the shilling to dramatically depreciate, cash in and then after a few months of crazy profits proceed to cause the shilling to recover. Mission accomplished. Check out that story.

To be very honest, I found this the most ridiculous story I had ever heard. Everybody knows that even the government can not really manipulate the exchange rate. And so I made only one call. When I am looking for information I never make the classic Kenyan journalist mistake of wanting to look intelligent. I play dumb and it works very well. And so the guy on the other end started giving me a long lecture on monetary policy at the end of which I was almost sound asleep. I was barely conscious enough to say my thanks and hang up. End of story.

But last night I started looking carefully at the chain of events that have taken place since the shilling went on a free fall. I paid special attention to the reaction of the government and especially the carefully choreographed events of the past week or so where Central Bank has thrown the ball to the Finance Minister who has promptly acted. Now as far as I know these are guys who should have been talking to each other behind the scenes since they came into office. Indeed there are those who believe that these conversations are carried out in the common mother tongue all these guys share so as to eliminate the possibility of any misunderstandings about the monetary policy going forward (but that is a story for another day.)

At the end of my careful analysis, I remembered that ridiculous tip I received months ago from the Mathematician.

And so when somebody called me to ask me what was happening about a new post, I decided to share with you good people, about what I am following up currently.

Will keep you posted on this ridiculous and very possibly false tip that has stubbornly refused to stay filed away with the other “absurd” tips.

Cremation: Wangari Defies Tradition in Death

She continues to defy both tradition and stereotypes even in death. Her love for trees continues in her will to be cremated instead to cutting trees to make a coffin for her. Wangari Maathai's trail blazing is a spectacle in all spheres of a rich life lived humbly.

They say a dead professor is like a library burnt down. Well, a cremated professor must double the loss. Wangari's smart will to be cremated has denied scheming politicians to hijack her burial. The family has made it plain that the cremation at Kariokor will be a private a fair sparing us crocodile tears and plastic eulogies.

It is both a paradox and coincidence that Wangari is being buried at the height of announcing this year's Nobel prizes. And she is not alone now that we have seen a posthumous nomination for the Medicine prize. Prof Ralph Steinman missed his moment of glory by three days after dying from pancreatic cancer last Friday. But the good news he left the human race the richer with his scientific discovery on the immune system.

Back to our elite Wangari who refused elitism. She fought the fight, dirtied her hands and never whined about feminism waiting for portfolios on a silver platter. She went and grabbed what the women folk deserved. Our only tribute must be living her legacy.