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Thursday, April 30, 2009

Prepare For General Elections

Every publisher and media person knows that sex sells. It moves newspapers like crazy and that is exactly how one Rupert Murdoch made his fortune mainly publishing the notorious UK tabloids, The Sun and News of The World. But can sex start a revolution and save Kenya? Or rather the lack of it.

That is the question that has to be asked after women under the banner of Gender 10, a group of 10 civil societies called for a sex boycott by all Kenyan women of goodwill. The women have called for a seven-day abstention to pressurize President Kibaki and the Prime Minister Raila Odinga into ending coalition wrangles.

Because of the unusual nature of this protest and also because their timing was perfect G10 got front page treatment in media most notably the Daily Nation, but one still has to ask the question, will the sex boycott work? What impact can it possibly have in a country that has already gone to the dogs so to speak?

---------------------------Quick tip
Avoid the heavy traffic coming into Nairobi from the airport. Brand new budget hotel 15 minutes from Nairobi City Centre at Mlolongo.
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Not to mention the fact that some women feel insulted by this latest move because it portrays them only as sex objects whose only weapon of protest or blackmail is what they have to offer between the sheets.

There is little doubt that this Gender 10 move will be discussed on offices, bars and homes across the country and beyond over this long weekend. But sadly it is unlikely to achieve very much in terms of the results.

Still the pressure is mounting.

It is like cutting a Mugumo tree. The many small blows you land on the tree may look insignificant but collectively they will all contribute to the felling of the tree.

Incidentally I am informed that both ODM and PNU are at this moment very busy strategizing and preparing for elections.

P.S. Besides our leaders (including both principals) are so old that sex is no longer what it used to be. So even if their wives (and girlfriends) were to join in the boycott, it will have little effect if any in pressurizing anybody.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Why Speaker Marende Has Booked A Place In the History Books

Also published in the last few hours: Speaker Marende's smart parliamentary coup

I do not mind admitting stuff. I wrote a post but liked this comment from one of our readers much better and it is my conviction that it deserves wider distribution and thus readership. And that is the reason I have upgraded it to a main post. ENJOY!!

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This Speaker is a silent genius. Marende's was more than a parliamentary ruling.

In his hour-long ruling, he adeptly and preemptively made his own interpretation of the constitution vis a vis NARA Accord probably well aware that PNU were soon going to be rushing to courts seeking constitutional interpretation of the same.

Marende's ruling was of superior legal and political quality - very comprehensive and incorporating the realities of the day in Kenya. A classic ruling that has so far received accolades from top constitutional experts besides widespread public support.

Now challenge that!!!!!

This was the greatest move in public relations and advance persuation that I've seen in such a long time in Kenya.

Marende was giving all and sundry his own top notch constitutional interpretation of the very question Kalonzo Musyoka has announced PNU will be rushing to courts to seek an answer.

Marende tayari amelijibu hilo swala.

And in doing so, he has already convinced many that the constitution cannot be read in isolation from NARA. the good 'ol constitution is no more. The days of absolute Imperial Presidency are basically history.

It's an era of consultations and power sharing - at least in the life of this coalition. Marende amesema, waKenya wamekubali.

Marende was thrice clever just for the record and precedent - he has explicitly addressed the question of what happens when there's inconsistency between the constitution and NARA - and that is - NARA supersedes.

People like Michuki and Kalonzo who are blind on NARA need to listen to that wise counsel- all Kalonzo and Michuki see is an imperial presidency which they die to preserve and the old constitution that Kenyans die to reform...these PNU sycophants never see NARA as part of the constitution.

Then few other interesting observations.

Karua has welcomed Marende's ruling and she will be sitting in the HBC. Yaani, she doesn't insist that Kalonzo must be the HBC Chair/LGB. Tells me she doesn't really regard Kalonzo worthy of leading her. Haya! remember the reformers vs anti-reformers debate?

Did anyone read what PNU's Saitoti said? He actually welcomed Marende's ruling! unlike his PNU-mates Kalonzo and few others. Of course Saitoti also bubbled a few other words to the effect that whoever appoints the LGB still needs to be resolved. But at the moment - he's game with Marende, essentially telling Kalonzo to chill out and keep off the HBC Chair/LGB seat.

Aint that some doggonit something!!!!!

Someone tells me George Saitoti was seen yesterday at Lunch time with none other than PM Raila Odinga munching steak and ugali at Serena Hotel - this was reported in the papers too. haya!

Did someone swallow a tinga tinga like KANU jogoo did?

It is clear Kalonzo is being elbowed by Saitoti and Karua already even as Kibaki continues using him (Kalonzo) as toilet paper to wipe the big 'ol doggonit.

Let Kalonzo keep making a fool of himself...wiping Kibaki's mess...the same script followed by wakina Nyachae, Kombo, Awori, Mukhisa and other Kibaki sycophants of yesterday.

By the time they came back to voters, they were stinking nasty..and people were running away from them.

If you choose to be Kibaki's snake oil salesman, beware Kenyans pay back on you fast and furious.

I'm also reading today that ODM's Andrew Ligale has been appointed the new boss of the Boundaries Review Commission.

Anyway back to the crucial issue left pending by Marende.

He asked the two principals to consult.

Here is the interesting thing.

That consultation this time can NEVER EVER AGAIN be at a closed door room in Sagana between two individuals called Raila and Kibaki.

This time it will be a broad daylight PNU-ODM consultation through the CMC (Coalition Management Committee)....each and everytime any consultation is required.

Kibaki had better be ready to get busy working and consulting and not just sleeping and eating mutura and slaps at State House.

We shall only deal with Kibaki this time formally - with a pole called CMC.

No more informal agreements to be soon discarded by the perennial conman and thief. This belligerent half incapacitated man has held the country hostage for so long. Ashindwe kabisa!

ODM has already learnt the hard way talking to Kibaki who then orders Muthaura and Kalonzo to contradict the PM. Can the nation go through such nonsense anymore? They have said NO. ENOUGH!

and the PM himself has said so - no more talk with Kibaki informally, only formal consultations through the CMC.

And many things will soon be consulted about. Everything literally will be consulted. This is what Kibaki wanted when he trashed goodwill, let the formal consultations now take root.

I hope Muthaura and Mutua are reading these developments keenly.

It is not business as usual tena.

Haya twende!

I close with these remarks below quoted from a wise unassuming man currently Speaker of Kenya's National Assembly - whom I've previously shared a bite of mbuzi and kanywaji with here in Washington DC.

“An accord was painstakingly negotiated as the country waited with bated breath… these words were uttered before the whole world. Do they mean anything? Do the signatories to them intend them to mean anything?”

Kenneth Otiato Marende

With that I say - adios for now!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Speaker Marende's Smart Parliamentary Coup


In one fell swoop, Speaker Marende left pretenders to the throne profusely bleeding from political humiliation. And what a masterstroke which neither of the protagonists saw coming. The gatekeepers have been disabused of their murderous venture to auction Kenya and holding her citizens hostage.

All the hubris about seeking constitutional interpretation is just that HUBRIS. Never short of valueless face-saving gimmicks, the scoundrels must be burning the midnight oil scheming to invent another source of political heat. True to SLITHERING IN BETWEEN philosophy, the mouth and backs on hire must fire from all empty cylinders lest they are speedily rendered politically irrelevant.

Speaker Marende’s ruling underscores one truism which politically faint-hearted have been afraid to accept: KENYA IS AND WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AFTER THE BUNGLED 2007. You can chose to live in any FORTRESS OF DENIAL but the reality is all there for all with eyes to see.

No amount of legal posturing ever solved any politically-engineered problem. Marende’s intelligent ruling must have been alive to that fact as evident in his refusal to please either party. Instead he threw the ball back to them by reminding them that both the constitution and the national accord must be read as one and two documents.

Political auctioneers
With that single stroke of genius, Speaker Marende extinguished all the vents of hot feeding "the constitution is supreme" fallacy.

Speaker Marende has has done Kenya and her people proud in standing by them. He has banished the political smokescreens clothed in deceptive legal gabs. And in the meantime he has inadvertently and fatally bruised political egos of many pretenders who never cease to salivate at every loophole they curve from our tattered constitution to feather their selfish political nests.

Hail Speaker Marende for proving that amidst the political rot remains some sane Kenyans who can come to the rescue of property Kenya under siege from political auctioneers.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Selective Expectations from Speaker Marende


Thanks to selective amnesia, we can conveniently forget the cutthroat competition that saw Marende defeat Ole Kaparo for the Speaker post. The same people who fought him hardest are now shamelessly waxing legalistic in demanding impartiality when it suits them best.

Well, while stuck in that mode we can as well order Muthaura to stop attending PNU meetings reminding him that he is a civil servant who must be IMPARTIAL. So can Marende rise up to the occasion to solve a political impasse with pure parliamentary legalese?

Granted, Mr Marende is the Speaker and CEO of the National Assembly which is one of the three pillars of Government. But being a country populated almost exclusively by citizens drowning in national denial, we won’t bat an eyelid to mask the political posturing for all it is.

Slithering in between
All the present political heat are the cumulative cost of an ILLEGITIMATE REGIME which will do anything legal and otherwise to retain the status quo that nourishes all their grand schemes to milk Kenya dry. Leader of Government business is only an appendix in the thrilling sequel of grand deception. Whatever way Marende rules, the political embers will gather the nearest wind and soon graduate to the inevitable INFERNO.

No amount fine legal posturing can ever solve a politically engineered problem. But again this is Kenya where twisted beliefs are firmly founded on the twin vices of FRAUD and DECEPTION. Political errand boys galore and they have no qualms providing their backs for royal rides to oblivion. We haven’t seen anything yet, NA BADO.

Thoughtlessness, Indecisiveness and Downright Incompetence: The Qualities we, Kenyans, Look for in a Leader

Also published earlier today by Chris Why Snap Elections are Inevitable

By Mwalimu Peter Ngugi

Kenya is indeed a strange country. It is a country where leaders are elected on the basis of their thoughtlessness and sheer incompetence. And this has been the trend since we attained independence. ‘ We seem to cherish leaders who have perfected ‘the art and science of brewing hatred and preaching politics of division and parochialism.’ And unless we wake up and fight to invalidate the stupid value systems which have been entrenched in our politics by selfish and thoughtless politicians, our country will go to the dogs (if it hasn't already!) and we will have no one but ourselves to blame.

I have been watching the political scene since the formation of the so called Grand Coalition but nothing seems to be moving. Service delivery, internal security and all have become foreign ideologies. Politicians have been spending most of their time grumbling and scrambling for power as the citizenry gets more impoverished by the minute. I hoped against all hopes that the government would act speedily on important issues like drafting a new constitution, waging a spirited war against poverty and corruption and building an egalitarian society where people would be treated equally irrespective of their political and ethnic affiliation. But how wrong I was!

Therefore, it is unlikely that the current crop of parliamentarians will draft a new constitution any time soon because the political engineers from either side of the political divide (read the Grand Confusion) are either thoughtless or downright incompetent. In my view, most of the current members of parliament are unfit to hold any position of leadership, even at the family level! All they do is fight to fill their tumbo kubwa as the majority of us wallow in abject poverty. Remember the William-Ruto–motion-of-censure circus? It is good case in point that demonstrates that our MPs only care about their interests and those of their cronies. And this vividly elucidates why MPs chose their allegiances not purely on the merit of the motion but on selfish considerations ranging from the premature positioning of some leaders in the battle to succeed President Kibaki to an almost blood cuddling zeal to prevent the Orange Party from disintegrating.

My fellow country men and women, politicians don’t care whether you live or starve to death; their only object is to keep you and I very busy fighting among ourselves over parochial things as they milk the country dry. And that is why there is a grand rift in the so called grand coalition. Politicians are busy forming alliances and thoughtless schemes to succeed Kibaki. The censure motion against Ruto was defeated because the majority of our parliamentarians are too unprincipled and unpatriotic to fight for the welfare of the millions of starving Kenyans. To paraphrase Dr Bonny Khalwale, the mover of the censure motion against Ruto: ‘ The vote on the censure motion was between selfish politicians and millions of famished Kenyans.’ Everybody knows who won.

I assert that most Kenyan politicians are inherently tribal, selfish and parochial and are thus incapable of putting the interests of their country before their own. They have got no time to fritter away thinking about the plight of the internally displaced people or those who live in fear of being harassed, maimed and killed by members of a proscribed cult(Mungiki). Are these the people we expect to draft a good constitution for us?

Whining about bad governance, corruption and tribalism will not take us anywhere. We have got to change the situation. The power belongs to us. We can bring change, yes we can! It begins with you; are you ready to stand and be counted?

Elsewhere on the Net:
The Plight of Albinos in Tanzania: What should be Done

Why Snap Elections Are Inevitable

Months ago I said here that the only way Kenya can avoid a serious bloodbath is if we held fresh elections ASAP. See that article HERE. So naturally recent developments have given me plenty of hope that lives can indeed be saved.

The really sad thing here is that a vast majority of Kenyans who read this site (seated comfortably in their air-conditioned offices) will never understand in 100 years what the hurry is all about. And I understand and accept that. Yes, we do not have an electoral body in place. Yes it will take at least 8 months to organize a new voter's register. BUT what is the alternative to NOT having elections ASAP?

Interestingly even the ODM crowd who claim that they are ready for a snap election have no idea what awaits them. They are going to be pretty shocked because they seem to be expecting to replicate the support they enjoyed in December 2007.

Finally in answer to all those dear readers who wonder why I never comment on anything and everything that is going on. I have always believed that my niche here is reading the directions in which the politics is headed. It is the reason why most of you read this blog. For that reason I will rarely comment on something before I have enough information.

What is the alternative to NOT having a snap election? See my March 24th post.

P.S. If a snap election were held in Kenya say, probably mid next year, technically President Mwai Kibaki can stand again. That is if his lawyers accept that there was no winner in the fateful 2007 general elections. Am told that this is something which can be argued in court and things can be "organized." LOL!!!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Sammy Kamau: Product of Honesty and Sweat

Jacob Zuma: Demagogue or Political Genius?


South Africans have demostrated their fidelity to ANC party no matter the political heat and fallout occasioned by Mbeki’s ouster. The near-saint Mandela confounded many by backing Zulu boy Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma and shunning disgruntled Mbeki boys who decamped to COPE.

So what future and lessons can we learn from Zuma’s rise to the presidency of Africa’s economic powerhouse? Well, Zuma is a product of Mbeki’s contempt to voters and obtuse elitism that is galore in our local leadership too. Kenya is a living testimony to how power has a way with revealing the true insidious side of an otherwise gentle persona. Only time will tell who the real Jay Z is.

Granted, Zuma may not be sophisticated enough to craft catchy rallying calls like Rainbow Nation by Mandela or abstract slogans like African Renaissance by Mbeki. But give it to the traditionalist Msholozi he has away of identifying with the ordinary South African whose post-Apartheid dream was auctioned by Mbeki’s elitist mien and intellectual bravado.

He may be athletic around the waist with five official wives to boot but emotionally amorous Zuma maybe just what South Africa needed to stop their breakneck speed to catch up with rest self-destruction African countries. But again you never know African leaders being what they are once securely enthroned to the seat of power.

Product of contempt and elitism
Mbeki though he had the last political laugh by outsmarting hither Mandela’s heir apparent Cyril Ramaphosa and underestimating Zuma as an unambitious demagogue for VP. Well what goes around comes around and Thambo must be suffering indigestion from the huge bite of humble pie.

Zuma’s lack of formal education may just be the sweetest blessing in disguise as team playing is a must in such circumstances. If anything personalized rule has been the bane in most African countries with real power unofficially delegated to cronies and gatekeepers.

Congratulations President Zuma, all eyes are singularly trained on you and the party is yours to spoil. You have no choice but to measure up or fail spectacularly by falling to the pedestrian lows of believing a cold shower protects against HIV infection. South Africans have given their verdict and the choice if yours. Either seize it or butcher their collective hopes.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Kibaki Insiders Plotting 3rd Term

What the…..!#**!!

Forget succession politics, impeccable sources tell me that Kibaki insiders are planning a third term for their man. Yes I know what the constitution says but that can be fixed, especially when people are so hungry for cash. Prof Kivutha Kibwana has been tasked with fixing that problem. The associate professor of law at the University of Nairobi is this minute strategizing on how exactly this crazy pipe dream will be achieved.

I know some of these said Emilio insiders read this blog and some of them even leave comments here and so I have a simple message for them. It would have been easier for former President George W. Bush to have gone for a fourth term than it is for President Kibaki to finish his illegal second term, let alone go for a third.

But then as a friend put it, there is no banana skin Kibaki insiders ever resisted tripping over and the said project will most likely join the long list of pipe dreams and failed projects that the third president of Kenya has undertaken ever since Kenyans made the biggest mistake ever of putting him in State House.

Incidentally State House seems to have similarities to Mombasa. You know what people say about the coastal town. Kuingia ni harusi, kutoka ni matanga Roughy translates to entering Mombasa is easy like a wedding celebration but it takes a funeral for most people to leave. Former President Moi would have died in power but it took a lot of pressure and finally he conceded to change the constitution to allow only two terms. But even those two terms passed too swiftly for him. Now the two terms have passed two quickly for Emilio hence the plot for a third term. I can guess what his insiders are saying. That if a P3 teacher could rule for 24 years, how can a former Makerere don not rule for even half those years?

You see the problem that we have in Kenya is that those in leadership positions and especially those inside State House live in another Kenya which is extremely strange and unfamiliar to ordinary folks like you and I.


P.S. In my latest raw notes published on Monday I reveal the name of a certain cabinet minister who gives orders to the Kwekwe squad on behalf of the two wives guy. It is NOT Saitoti. See the article.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Why The Nation Media Group’s Daily Metro Failed

Last Week, one of the Nation media group’s publication, the Daily Metro carried a big banner headline reading FAREWELL. In the article that followed, the editorial team bid their readers goodbye citing the harsh economic times as the main excuse for the management of East Africa’s largest media house in discontinuing publication.

Actually some analysts feel that the folding up of the Daily Metro was inevitable since it was founded for the sole purpose of countering Radio Africa’s Nairobi Star and forcing them out of publication. It is said that circulation marketers at the Nation felt that despite the fact that the Nairobi Star was targeted at a more specific audience it would eat up on the flag ship Daily Nation’s circulation considerably—if not immediately then definitely in the long term. Whether this is true or not, the fact remains that the Nation has remained at the top because of being highly sensitive to new entrants and possible competition. And the media house has never hesitated to play dirty whenever the need has arisen.

The demise of the Daily Metro has less to do with the current financial downturn and more to do with the way things are run at the Nation. Insiders insist that the giant company is facing a very challenging financial time that has more to do with how quickly the media industry in Kenya has changed. For instance a few years ago Daily newspapers carried the vast majority of advertising spend in the country. Today radio is king. Now this change is significant here because Nation’s flagship and main cash cow is and has always been the Daily Nation newspaper. And although the media group has a radio station or two, there are a number of new kids on the block who have a bigger market share and understand the medium much better. Top on this list is Radio Africa whose Classic FM and Kiss FM lead the roost for English listeners.

My insider information indicates that the decision makers at the media house have now woken up and are smelling the coffee so much so that they are already pursuing the next battle frontier which is the web and to a certain extent Cable TV and TV content. However this has come a little late. For years any new ideas or suggestions for improvements at Nation House would more often than not be met with the arrogant statement “but this is the Nation”—insinuating that the nation was invincible and would continue to do well without any new ideas.

Now with dwindling revenues all round the past has finally caught up with arrogance and it was inevitable that the management would take a look at all titles still costing it cash looking for ways to stem the cash hemorrhage. Next on that list would be the EastAfrican a regional newspaper launched on the assumption that regional integration would have moved much faster than it has to date. This prestigious and excellent publication has never made a dime since inception. One of the reasons being it’s unnecessarily high overheads where huge bureau offices have been established in neighbouring Tanzania and Uganda where smaller leaner set-ups would have still produced the desired results more so in this age of the World Wide Web where communication costs have come down considerably. However shutting down the EastAfrican is not an option because it is the Aga Khan’s pet newspaper. The Aga Khan is the founder and major shareholder of the Nation Media group.

Yet another title that is currently bleeding badly is the recently launched Business Daily. Mercifully the overheads for that one are pretty small and it can probably be sustained for some time to come.

Interestingly even the Nation’s first ever title Taifa Leo is struggling but for reasons beyond anybody’s control. Apparently the new generation of Kenyans have shunned Kiswahili which was the most popular communication language in the country for many years. This is what led to the huge popularity of the KBC National Kiswahili service over the English General Service radio through the 60s, 70s and 80s.

So where does the Nation media group make their money from? Actually there are only two star cash cows at the moment. Namely the flagship Daily Nation newspaper and the Nation courier service. Interestingly the launching of the courier service was a brilliant way to pay for the mounting costs of circulating the newspaper while earning extra revenue. Without these two cash cows the nation would be very much a struggling ship. Still increasing competition looms in the horizon coupled with some very serious strategic decisions made by the management in the run up to the 2007 general elections. Taking all this into consideration the daily metro may be only the first casualty in a list that will unfold in the weeks and months to come.


Related articles
;
New KissFM Daily: Why Nation Should Be Worried

Changes At The Nation And What They mean

Sunday, April 19, 2009

At 1:30 PM, Monday 20th 2009, KIBAKI MUST ANNOUNCE OUR MILITARY'S OPTIONS ON MIGINGO

This is what I want His Excellency President Mwai Kibaki to say tomorrow:

Fellow Kenyans, the hour is 1:30 p.m. On this Monday, April 20 2009, I have instructed our nation's military commanders to begin working on a war plan with Uganda over Migingo Islands. By taking such an action, I'm calling on the Uganda government one final time to pull its troops out of the sovereign territory of Kenya or be prepared for military action.

Due to the drastic nature of a potential war in this region, my government has worked tirelessly over the past weeks and months to get the Ugandan government to respect the territorial integrity of Kenya, but as you may have noticed our goodwill efforts have been met with sustained provocation from the Uganda military and the highest levels of that government. In fact, only a few days ago, after I personally spoke with President Yoweri Museveni and it seemed like this matter may be peacefully resolved, the Ugandan side responded by sending more troops into Migingo, arresting fishing Kenyans and flying reconnaissance planes over the island.

This is unacceptable.

As it is my duty to prepare Kenyans for every eventuality, and to protect the security of this nation as the commander in chief, I hereby exercise my constitutional duty by warning the Ugandan government that should these acts of provocation continue, the Kenyan military will launch an attack at a time of our choosing to defend the rights of the Kenyans on Migingo Island and to safeguard the timeless boundaries of our nation.

I still hope common sense will prevail and the Ugandan government will take this final opportunity to do the right thing. But should that fail to happen within the next few days, my government has elected not to take war as an option off the table.

God bless Kenya!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Is It Possible To Rule Without Killing?

Many young Kenyans have no idea what it was like living in the country in the 70s and 80s. The days when political dissenters were dealt with ruthlessly and decisively quick. If you did not disappear or your body was not found in some forest with some vital organs missing, then you would definitely have ended up in the notorious detention without trial.

In those days when you could sense the fear in the air, it must have been much easier to be president of Kenya.

Now one Mwai Kibaki who has seen it all took over as president in December 2002 and one of the first things that his administration did was to shut down the Nyayo house torture chambers. It seemed to everybody that it was the beginning of a brand new era of good governance. But alas, it was not to be because some silly document called an MOU (memorandum of Understanding) was allegedly not honoured by Kibaki and one thing led to another as the Kibaki administration staggered from one crisis to another like a drunk man trying to walk home in the dark. You will remember that things stabilized somewhat with the appearance of one Daniel arap Moi as one of President Kibaki’s key advisors.

In actual fact history was replaying itself before our very eyes because Daniel arap Moi himself went through a very similar metamorphosis shortly after he took over as president in August 1978. Moi released all detainees and dramatically increased democratic space and free speech in the late 70s and early 80s. However he was rudely shaken out of his good-guy image by the abortive 1982 coup attempt. Shortly after a shaken Moi appeared on national TV tears visibly in his eyes and thanking the security forces for crashing the coup, Kenyans started seeing a very different Moi. Detention without trial came back with a vengeance and a few assassinations followed, most notably that of former foreign affairs minister Dr Robert Ouko. Dozens of Kenyans vanished without trace.

Coming back to the present, it seems that Kibaki’s big transformation happened after he lost the 2005 referendum on a proposed new constitution. But detention without trial was NOT re-introduced. Instead something that send shivers down the spines of those in the know emerged. That thing answers to the name, the Kwekwe squad. Humndreds of young Kenyans have also disappeared without trace.

Political emotions aside, the question Kenyans must now ask themselves is a simple one but one whose answer will be very difficult in coming by. And the question is, is it possible to govern a country like Kenya without “tools’ like detention without trial or the terror of Kwekwe? If your quick answer is YES, then my next question is how come the Kibaki administration became much more stable after the introduction of terror instruments like the Kwekwe?

Kindly note that I do not support terror or human rights abuses in any form. However I am just asking a question to get Kenyans thinking. After all even developed democracies like the United States have the CIA and other national security spooks who get involved in all kinds of dirty things. Even the civil Brits have their spooks and shadowy projects in the name of national security.

Read about Kumekucha's terrifying ordeal in the hands of the then dreaded Special Branch

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Kenya's Slimy Mess!

Kenya is the only country in the world whose people care so much about ethnicity that it is seen as one of the qualifications during electioneering. It is indeed strange to see politicians who attended the most prestigious universities in the world retreating to their tribal cocoons to preach tribal hatred and politics of disharmony in order to win sympathy votes from their ethnic communities. But if the leaders are bad, then the people are worse! For, why do we take whatever balderdash that comes out of politicians’ foul mouths as the gospel truth? And by the way, who elects the leaders?

We don’t need rocket science to know that ethnicity and graft are twin problems that have prevented Kenya from achieving progress. We all know the problem but we prefer sitting back and complaining about bad governance while in fact we happen to be the very architects of the problems bedeviling our country. We must wake up from our deep slumber and stand up for our rights. We need to understand that politicians play the tribal card to their advantage. Their object is to keep the citizenry busy fighting over petty issues as they (politicians) milk the public coffers dry!

People who believe that people from certain parts of our republic can not lead just because, in their stupid opinion, they ‘belong to the wrong tribe’(kabila adui) are simply not worth living in this modern world. I assert this because I strongly believe that ‘belonging to tribe X or tribe Y is nothing but a biological accident!’ I also call attention to the fact that a person’s character and not the language he speaks is what matters most. For that reason, the question of one’s tribe is irrelevant not only in matters political but in everything.

Fellow country men and women, it is an open secret that ethnicity will take us nowhere and the sooner we stop it the sooner our country will start achieving progress. The choice is ours; the future of our country is in our hands. Away with tribalism!.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Martha, oh Martha! Tell me Martha

Also published less than an hour ago: Plot 10 has been cancelled

Guest Post by Mwalimu Peter Ngugi


What is your take on the resignation of Martha Wangari Karua from The Grand Confusion that masquarades as the government of the Republic Of Kenya?

I think the truth is, as always, somewhere in-between. It is hard not to admire her in the context of Kenyan politics. She is one of the few cabinet ministers who has actually not used her position for self aggrandizement. The cabal around Kibaki and the elites in Kirinyaga describe her as the Peasant from Gichugu because she has completely refused to use her position to enrich herself. This, in itself, would not be remarkable elsewhere – but it is almost extraordinary in Kenya.

She has my respect.

Do you know Karua appointed 4 true reformers (young people between 28 and 34 years old) as undersecretaries in her ministry, and by last month they had all resigned because of frustration from the office of the president?

But she has, of course, taken some stances that have been quite questionable. Her unwavering support for the thieving Kibaki between 2002 and mid-2008 was frightening in the most meaningful sense. But her fierce independence shone through even then. Even when I disagreed with her, I knew she was not merely positioning herself to “eat.” My attitudes towards her mirror my attitudes toward Raila. There is much to admire about him; but there are many things that he does that makes me go: what the %$#@$%!

I don’t think Martha’s resignation will achieve much unless Raila joins forces with her. In fact, that is the one and only opportunity Kenya has to rise from the ashes like a phoenix.
She will likely lose her parliamentary seat in 2012 as Kikuyus myopically support Uhuru (read Mungiki) for the presidency (God forbid!). It will be ugly! Of course, unless the young Turks re-group: Raila, Muite, Orengo, Anyang, Karua and Imanyara. Abdikadir (of PSC), Makau wa Mutua and Willy Mutunga are trying to broker this. Ruto and Kiraitu will have to be left out for this to work out, though. And nobody seems to know how to do that.

God bless Kenya, God save us from the MOUNT KENYA MAFIA!

Guys, Let's speak up for the Albinos in Tanzania.

Alert: 'Plot 10' Has Been Cancelled!!

This may come as a surprise to those who grew up in leafy suburbs or sprawling red roofed estates. You see, deep in the low class Eastland residential areas, there was once a fantastic living arrangement that could be best described as 'maisha ya ploti'. For those unfamiliar with the term 'plot' in the ghetto context, it is a small residential 'complex' complete with mostly ten or less small roomed apartments (really studios) sharing a common bathroom, usually with one mabati gate. Those still feigning ignorance can at least remember the KBC program 'Plot 10'. That's what I'm talking about. Here folks recognized neighbors as 'majirani'.

While the living in 'Plot 10' was mostly squalor and lacked any form of privacy, it had very many positives. For one, it allowed the peaceful co-existence of people from all Kenyan cultures bound together by the need for affordable housing and a specter of security. At the height of this residential phenomena, one plot would house families from the Kikuyu, Luo, Luhya, Somali, Swahili, Kisii, Kalenjin etc. It is the interesting cross-cultural social interactions that led to the development of comedies like 'Plot 10', Vitimbi etc. Those were the times when majirani would huddle around the only black and white TV in the plot and laugh with each other at the generalization of cultural characters and traits. These 'plots' produced the most tribe-less Kenyans on earth.

Today, Mzee Ojwang's copyrighted squeal, yaani 'Mama Kayai, fwanya haraka aaiiiiiiiiii!!!'…. could be considered a war cry in some 'plots'.

Folks, welcome to the New Kenya. A sincere assessment confirms that strict tribal enclaves are mushrooming all over Nairobi today. The search for peace of mind requires that you be very aware of where you rent or buy any type of property....based on nothing but your tribe or ethnicity. You need not waste your time or risk your security by putting in your rental application in areas where your ethnicity is not considered favorable. Slums like Kibera, Mathare etc already have clearly demarcated boundaries; you cross, you die. The same divisions are slowly creeping into middleclass areas like Umoja and Buruburu. Before too long, primary schools within these areas will have no choice but to follow suit. What type of patriotic Kenyans will we produce from the upcoming one-tribe primary school in the middle of Nairobi? Can you imagine the fiasco that will be the inter-school games/debate etc?

Ok, for those still thinking that this is primarily a low class tenancy issue, how many successful Luos/Kalenjins are confidently moving into the affluent Runda Estate? Does the decision to instead move to Langata or elsewhere have anything to do with the fact that Runda is pretty much in the Kikuyu Kiambu district?

What about the Ogiek like me? Should I therefore live on top of KICC because no Nairobi estate recognizes my existence?

Hii mambo gani bwana?

Friday, April 10, 2009

Different Spys At Kumekucha

I sincerely hope that you are enjoying your Easter holidays immensely. I would not dream of spoiling it with some hot breaking news that will worry you (I leave that to Tuesday). And so I have decided to talk about the interesting characters who regularly pass by at this site (some of them literally live here and I am totally charmed that they should find this such a cozy home)

Here at Kumekucha we have various ways of being able to tell where comments come from and so let me share with you the different types of commentators we have here (based on my insider info).


The Serious Diasporan
The group I love most. These guys love their country, some of them so much that I have often felt envious. They are always annoyed at the fact that this blog sometimes has too many abusive comments. It irks them that a discussion on the future of the motherland should be turned into a joke or a mchongoano (abuses) contest between Luos and Kikuyus. Many of them have written to me and on two occasions I have given some of them (whom I knew from before and trusted) the opportunity to help me solve the comments problem. Only then have they been able to empathize with my situation.


The Diasporan seeking Entertainment
Life out there in the Diaspora is not totally a bed of roses, as most Kenyan believe. You really miss home more so if you are totally stressed with your job or studies. And so some folks have to “let off steam” by seeking some hilarious entertainment. Many of them find it in the comments area of this blog. Hence you will see Taabu’s mistress, Phil’s mistress etc. This is a tricky group because some of them spoil the blog with their “extreme French” if you know what I mean while others make this place so entertaining that when I am low I usually come here to read the comments and within no time I am guaranteed to be rolling on the floor with laughter, tears streaming out of my eyes.

The Intelligence Community
Many, many readers of this blog do NOT believe that this group exists here. When I first pointed it out in 2005 many dismissed it as a figment of my imagination. Today I have plenty of evidence to prove that not only do they leave comments here but they monitor this blog religiously (and send out reports). Many times they step in to do damage control when it looks like we will frustrate their objectives with the information we give here. Like recently when some people were determined that nobody should take Paul Muite seriously when he says his life is in danger. Actually Muite has shut down the Kwekwe squad with his utterances (at least momentarily). My only fear is that some other interests may still carry out hits and make them look like Kwekwe.


There are other fascinating groups like what I would call Jeshi la mzee who always heckle on behalf of their “employers” and then there are the locals who seek inside information among other groups of commentators.

Those my friends are the people who make this place so addictive.

Do have a happy Easter folks but please make sure you are NOT flat broke by the time Tuesday comes.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

The Cold Nairobi Nights

The nights in Nairobi can be really cold.

Many nights in this capital I go to sleep at around ten and crawl under my covers when the temperatures are still pretty sweet. In fact, I'm into this habit of staying outdoors to suck in the sensuous air with my rambunctious sons. They've fallen deeply in love with the land of their father.

What I always find shocking is the heat of the day. Look, I just came back from Indiana and shouldn't have to complain about the swinging temperatures in these equatorial lands, but I do, man. That said, I still love Kenya better. The weather here is fantastic, the food is awesome and the people are so sweet.

Today as I walked down Koinange Street and had to get into a store/shop to escape the heat, I thought of the erratic Kibaki leadership. We have been through a perpetual ride that takes us high then low. What has been noticeable through this man's cursed presidency is that the nation is only cool when others make it so. What would have have happened had Raila not taken a bullet in his chest for Kenya after the stolen elections? Indeed, what good have we seen in this nation where Kibaki acted alone?

All I'm saying tonight, as you take this Easter break, is that we are tired of the now-cold now-hot Kibaki presidency. Can't this man from Othaya ever make it cool for a prolonged period of time.

Make Kenya cool, man!

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Is Paul Muite’s Life Really In Danger?

I sat there frightened, lonely and confused in a foreign country away from home and felt completely and utterly defeated.

All these emotions had been caused by two simple questions I had been asked in response to my claim that my life was in danger back home in Kenya. The questions were; How do you know? And who wants to kill you? Although I had enough evidence (including emails) to prove what I was saying, I realized then how difficult it is for anybody to prove that their life is in danger. My situation was complicated by the fact that I always instinctively protect my sources of information and sometimes even go out of my way to disguise the direction in which my info came from. So as I listend to myself talk I knew how unconvincing I must have sounded.

Paul Muite: Running scared

Yesterday a frightened-looking Paul Muite held a press conference to tell the world that his life was in danger. But he went beyond that and named his world-be assassins. And in an even more drastic move he has written to the UN’s International Criminal Court (ICC) in The Hague, asking them to investigate and prosecute President Kibaki over extra-judicial killings.

The question on the minds of most Kenyans is whether Muite is simply playing politics or his life is indeed in great danger? Actually to cut a long story short, Muite has cleverly moved very fast to save his life as his fears are fully justified according to my sources.

In fact if you carefully examine Muite’s actions you will quickly realize that they are the actions of a man who seriously fears for his life? What would you do if you got information to the effect that some people take your life? You would blow the whistle (this often scares off the would-be assassins) and then you would try and get on the offensive against the people. Now Muite’s move of going after the president is both interesting and instructive.

Sample the following. The Kwekwe squad is a professional hit squad and there is a very visible pattern in the way they operate in the executions they have so far been suspected of carrying out. The truth is that assassinating people is NOT as simple as it looks in the movies. You need lots of intelligence information on their movements, habits and so on to carry out a successful hit. No hit-man can afford to botch a hit. The interesting thing here is that the Kwekwe squad gets all its’ intelligence from the NSIS (National Security Intelligence Services). Now we all know that the NSIS reports to only one person, namely the highest authority in the land. Jijazie (fill in the dots).

There is yet another reason why Muite is NOT joking about his life being in danger. Some weeks ago I was informed about an alleged Kwekwe squad hit list (the list is in my raw notes) that consisted of a few prominent names mainly in civil society. Muite’s name was NOT on the list, however when you look at most of the names on my earlier list and then add Muite’s there is something in common that immediately emerges. Amazingly most of the people on the list are a threat to national security in the sense that their activities are bound to split the Kikuyu vote and thus frustrate plans of the executive and those close to him to secure their future by influencing succession politics and the next occupant of State House.


Related articles;

Major assassinations in Kenya that had “threat to national security” written all over them

How Standard raid was plotted and executed from State House Nairobi

Constantly Blundering NSIS?


Possible useful information

Have you dropped your laptop? Is it overheating? Do you suspect the hard drive has crashed?

Coalition Troubles In Kenya: What Next?

Press Statement From ODM About Kilaguni

There is plenty of evidence to suggest that Mwai Kibaki sees himself as another Jomo Kenyatta. Cool and calm and collected amidst all kinds of troubles and crisis that are inevitable for a president to encounter regularly. A classic example is during the post election troubles. President Kibaki was calm and asleep as the country burned and was only nudged half awake when calls started coming in from the White House and State department. In fact he even instructed his cabinet ministers to play down the crisis by telling the press those early peace negotiators, Desmond Tutu and former president of Ghana John Kufour were in the country for a cup of tea.


Then yesterday when he came back into the country there were traditional dancers to entertain him and welcome him just like it was in the Kenyatta days. Why doesn’t the government cut this useless expenditure and use the money to feed the hungry? Kenyans would faint in shock if they knew the budget used for welcoming the president back into the country yesterday after a two day trip!!! Wonders never cease in Kenya do they?

But Mwai Kibaki can never be Jomo Kenyatta because 1963 was very different from 2003. Kibaki does not have the power Kenyatta had and never will. Neither is he as cunning as Baba Uhuru was. Again Kibaki cannot arrest Raila and detain him without trial the way Kenyatta arrested and detained Raila’s dad Jaramogi Oginga Odinga.

Still there are some similarities. Kenyatta’s government murdered JM Kariuki, cutting his private parts and stuffing them in his mouth. That dramatically quieted the excitement in parliament at the time and killed the rising ambition and unrest that was brewing against the Kenyatta government. Mwai Kibaki’s government had two top officials of the Oscar Foundation gunned down in cold blood and that quieted the civil society most of whom have now gone underground and have shut their mouths tight since the incident. Nobody wants to stop a hail of bullets from the Kwekwe squad.

But I digress. What I was saying today is that when you understand how Mwai Kibaki operates and thinks, you will know that as I write this post (9:20am Kenyan time) he is most probably still asleep and life is going on in its’ normal slow pace at State House Nairobi. The man probably still believes that there will be no election until 2012. Very funny indeed because the big question now is whether we will have a country left by the time 2012 rolls up. Already it is no longer a question of if the grand coalition government will hold but one of how much longer it will hold.

Still I have to admit that the president’s handlers are extremely busy and working overtime to “read” every move of ODM and Raila Odinga and counter it quickly. Clearly they are running scared. Already the president’s men know that they have William Ruto and a handful of MPs from the Rift valley in their pockets. However they seem to ignore the fact that they have lost the biggest single political party within PNU which is Martha Karua’s Narc Kenya.

In fact one thing the press has totally missed in their reporting of the problems in the coalition government is the fact that major re-alignments that have taken place mean that it is no longer a matter of ODM versus PNU. Martha Karua is now an ODM ally while Ruto is a staunch but quiet PNU supporter. Which is just as well because Ruto and Karua seem to be sworn enemies these days.

However looking at the numbers PNU are clearly in trouble and that is why their empty threats to bring a censure motion against the Prime Minister is hilarious. This is one of the reasons why money would have started talking by now to get the necessary support in parliament, however this time round the government is terribly broke and to make matters worse Anglo Leasing funds in foreign accounts (which would have now been used) were frozen yesterday. Read the story HERE.

Actually whichever way you look at the current political crisis in Kenya, it is clear that we are headed for chaos. For starters ODM are determined that they will not play into the hands of the presidential advisors and walk out of government. Their strategy is to fight from within. And remember that the President cannot fire the Prime Minister because his office is entrenched in the constitution. And then remember that mass action (ODM’s favourite lethal weapon) is scheduled to be unleashed on hapless starving and impoverished Kenyans next week. Actually my sources tell me that ODMers came out of yesterday’s meeting ecstatic, like they had already won the long drawn out battle that is ahead of us. I think they have realized that they have Mwai Kibaki cornered and the sleeping president doesn’t even seem to know it.

Brace yourselves folks, the ride ahead is definitely going to be rocky. Very rocky.


See also: Was Karua Raped?


Kumekucha Launches Campaign

I have no idea how and when but let me assure you that elections are coming soon. Let us start thinking about how we will vote.

One of the good reasons for getting rid of all the old guys in power now is so that younger guys who are more familiar with technology can enable Kenyans to benefit from it. I will give just one example. Technology can be used very effectively to fight crime. We already have hidden cameras in town (not enough) and we already have an initiative by a private company to help people track their stolen cell phones. We also have the stalled DNA testing crime lab that is yet to be built.

However much more can still be done and only younger dot come generation Kenyans can figure this out for the country. As it is with the current jokers firmly in power, George Muhoho will always be re-appointed managing director of the Kenya Airports Authority (I mean the man is over 70 years old!!!). Are there no younger able qualified Kenyans? Besides the man does NOT need the job while many younger Kenyans do!!

As I have said here often, there is no way these old dinosaurs can give us any new ideas.

P.S. The argument I always hear is people asking what the young guys in the current political system have done. Well, the thing is they can NOT do much when the decision-making dinosaurs are still in power. We need radical surgery in Kenya. How about electing a 40 year old as President? Okay Maximum 45 years!!!?


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Now You can Monitor Kumekucha's Every Move:
You can now follow Chris Kumekucha as he receives highly sensitive info throughout the day and even get to know posts he is working on well in advance. You can even have a private chat with him. Follow him at Twitter. Find him in Twitter @KumekuchaChris. You will even get to see a photo of him (never before published on the web but will now be visible ONLY to his followers on Twitter). Remember that a lot of the stuff you will read on Twitter will NEVER be published because, as has been said here before, most of the information Kumekucha receives is too hot to publish or takes too long to verify (or is impossible to verify) and can therefore NOT be published. But you will be able to read it all on Twitter. Get to Twitter pronto, get there now and find Kenya's most popular and influential political blogger @KumekuchaChris

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The Truth About Kilaguni Retreat



THE TRUTH ON THE COLLAPSE OF THE KILAGUNI TALKS
A PRESS STATEMENT FROM ODM

The ORANGE DEMOCRATIC MOVEMENT wishes to state that the Prime Minister of the Republic of Kenya, the Rt. Hon Raila Amolo Odinga (the Prime Minister), and the ODM members of the Permanent Committee on the Management of Grand Coalition Affairs (the Permanent Committee) went to Kilaguni retreat in order to identify, isolate, discuss and resolve all the issues affecting the smooth running of the Grand Coalition Government.

We did this in order to enable the country move forward. It was in recognition of the fact that without resolution of these issues, the Grand Coalition Government would not be able to deliver on the People’s Agenda set out in the National Accord. The full and faithful implementation of the National Accord, in both letter and spirit, is well over-due.

The primary purpose of the Permanent Committee is to ensure that the Grand Coalition Government can function and resolve issues within it.

Unfortunately we were not able to agree on issues for discussion; issues which had been agreed on before hand. In fact,by March 14, 2009, the Joint Secretaries had prepared a Draft Agenda, which was typed and printed by the Presidency and Cabinet Office in the Office of the President on March 14th, and which ODM tabled at Kilaguni, contained the following items for discussion:

  • President’s opening remarks
  • Prime Minister’s opening remarks
  • Minutes of Meetings held on 6th and 11th February,2009 (to be tabled)
  • Matters arising
  • Draft Terms of Reference and Working Modalities of the Permanent Committee
  • Draft Grand Coalition Agreement
  • Confidence Building within the Coalition
  • National Unity and National Cohesion Agenda
  • Issues affecting the Grand Coalition and mechanisms for resolution
  • Evaluation and monitoring of the implementation of the national accord report
  • Image building for the Grand Coalition
  • Prof. Philip Alston’s report and Institutional Reforms
  • Review of progress on the implementation of the national accord, including agenda 4
  • Collective Responsibility
  • De-politicization of the Public Service
  • Any Other Business
The PNU and their joint secretary have not denied this FACT.

At its first meeting on February 6th, 2006, the Permanent Committee had agreed that in order for the Grand Coalition to run smoothly, a Grand Coalition Agreement and Terms of Reference and working modalities for the Permanent Committee needed to be prepared.

Indeed, the Joint Secretaries researched on ,met, discussed and consulted extensively on both instruments. Draft copies of both documents were subsequently prepared and circulated to the members of the Permanent Committee by the Joint Secretaries for discussion at Kilaguni. This was done more than one week prior to the Kilaguni Retreat.

In point of fact, both PNU and ODM agreed in the Draft Terms of Reference and Working Modalities that whatever either party wanted to be on the agenda for discussion would be included for deliberation.

In addition, the permanent committee’s meetings were to be closed to non-members.

The Kilaguni discussions were scheduled to take place on Friday, April 3rd, to Sunday, April 6th, inclusive. It was agreed that apart from security, only members of the Permanent Committee plus the two Joint Secretaries, would attend the meting.

However, upon arrival at Kilaguni, the ODM team found the entire place swarming with more than one hundred officers from the Office of the President (OP). The Director of National Security Intelligence Service, the Head of Public Service, the State House Controller & Private Secretary to the President and horde of other senior officials that ought not to have be there, were brought there by PNU team. The PNU coalition also invited Hon. Mutula Kilonzo and Noah Wekesa, who are not members of the Permanent Committee, in clear breach of the Terms of Reference and Modalities already agreed upon.

To make matters worse, the PNU coalition came armed with a Draft Agenda which was different from the joint agenda that had been agreed to and distributed to members.

The ODM team requested the PNU Coalition Members of the Permanent Committee to agree for the Joint Draft Agenda to be tabled for adoption and discussion to no avail.

Upon realizing that the PNU coalition did not intend to abide by the Joint Agenda, the ODM team prepared a second draft agenda with the following items:

  • Management of the Grand Coalition
  • Membership of the Permanent Committee & setting up of the Joint Secretariat
  • Decision making and Government Communication
  • Appointments in government
  • Protocol
  • The State of the Economy
  • Security Organs
  • Implementation of the National Accord
  • Coalition Agreement (see minutes of Feb. 5th, 2009, page 3)
  • Prof. Philip Alston’s report
  • Fast Tracking Reform Agendas 1,2,3 and 4 agreed to at the Serena Talks

The ODM team then asked their PNU Coalition Partners to attend the meeting and have both Draft Agendas discussed so that an amicable decision could be made with respect of the issues of discussion but the PNU team flatly refused, insisting that it was their draft agenda or nothing.

The Prime Minister and the entire Permanent Committee went into the conference room on Saturday, April 4th, 2009 and attempted to resolve the differences without success. The Prime Minister then asked the PNU team to invite the President to come to the conference room so that all the contentious issues could be discussed and resolved. Unfortunately, the President refused to attend.

Both teams went for lunch and returned to the Conference Room with Prime Minister, hoping that the President would attend but this never happened. However after the Prime Minister asked for a brief break for consultations at about 2:30 PM, the president approached the conference room rather than stay and sit, he proceeded to a private office located on the second floor of the conference room.

Believing that the President was in the conference room ,the Prime Minister and the ODM team returned only to be met by Hons. Uhuru Kenyatta , Moses Wetangula and George Saitoti, asking the Prime Minister to go upstairs to the President.

It was at this point that the Prime Minister correctly advised the PNU team to invite the President to the conference room of the meeting. The President either refused to come down to the meeting. Instead, the PNU team started discussing “the need for an exit strategy”. They wanted the Prime Minister and the ODM team to agree to issue a Joint Press Statement in which the country was to be misled that the Kilaguni Talks had gone on well.

At about 3:30pm, the Prime Minister and the ODM team realized that neither the President nor the PNU team wanted to discuss the serious issues ailing our country. A decision was then made for the Prime Minister to return to his hotel room as both teams continued to stay in the conference room.

Barely ten minutes after the Prime Minister returned to his hotel room, the President climbed down and went back to his suite. The President did not even greet the ODM team. He passed the prime Minister’s room even without stopping to say “Jambo!”.

The meeting had collapsed!

ODM believed that we cannot have a functioning Government and Coalition without an honest recognition, isolation and resolution of the issues affecting the Grand Coalition and the country at large.

PNU, on the other hand, insists issues cannot even be discussed and that the retreat was meant as a PR exercise!


ODM is fully committed to have service delivery to all Kenyans; a serious discussion of all issues affecting the people of Kenya, particularly poverty and the state of the economy, unemployment, inequalities and inequities in resource allocation and distribution, grand corruption, extra-judicial killings, institutional reforms and legal reforms; and comprehensive constitutional review.

It is common knowledge that the National Accord provides for real power sharing in Government between President Kibaki / PNU Coalition and Prime Minister Raila Odinga / ODM. Yet one year and a half following the formation of the Grand Coalition Government, the only power that has been shared with ODM is the cabinet. President Kibaki continues to disregard the provisions of the national Accord and indeed the constitution by making major decisions affecting all Kenyans without regard to his coalition partner.

This situation must change!

We hope and expect the leaders of the PU coalition will show good faith and join us in attempting to address issues affecting our nation and people. But this must be done in full compliance with the National Accord. Reforms cannot be bought by lies, half truths, concoctions and power games by the PNU coalition.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Martha: Please Take Your Grievances to Court


Lies mutate into all forms and shapes. So Ms Martha Karua wants all and sundry to believe that her fight for reforms caused her the ministerial job? Well, may be to many Kenyans weaned on the same sumptuous plate of national lies. Otherwise it is very difficult to justify the cheap gloating and glee from people falling for her sideshow like flies attracted to fermented milk.

When you read a Kenyan gloating that Kibaki did a Bildad Kaggia on Martha then you don’t need to visit a youth centre to witness juvenile bravado. The only good thing from lies is that they are sweet to cheap ears sprouting from either side of an empty box burdening the shoulders. Well, the list is long as Wangari Maathai, Kalembe Ndile, Waruru Kanja, Munene Kairu and Bildad Kaggia would tell you.

Lies are infectious and once told, you have to invent another to cover the one before it hence forming a firm foundation of PYRAMID OF DECEPTION. Now we read about principles that are as transparent as a plastic sheet whose shape remains at the mercy of any mild source of heat. The TRUTH is Karua would be still breathing fire warming PNU belly as a Deputy Prime Minister.

Kenya WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN and anybody using the present fraudulent parameters to plan her auction will wake to the rudest of shocks. No amount of half truths peddled by playing EXPECTANT SURROGACY predatorily lying in wait for fallout will deliver.

Martha has come full circle in just 15 months. The political Paul cannot shed the Saul blood running through her veins. Make no mistake! The panic in the camp Martha left without intellectual tent is palpable. Meanwhile she is handsomely reaping the ultimate wages of sin. But it will turn really nasty when the shit finally hits the fan. Any potential political suitor is better warned that Samson at least had Delilah's BEAUTIFUL FACE as an excuse for falling short of God's glory.

Tapes don’t lie
It must be unbearably painful to put your life onto a course only to see the prize awarded to pretenders crowned as a prince. But again Martha must have seen it coming given the history of serial betrayal since 2003.

Tapes don’t lie and all the denials of inaudibility and their quality won’t wash. Martha is no fool or naive and the political pressure cooker is threatening to give in. She is acutely aware of her vulnerability and insecurity. But the gatekeepers won’t dare touch her lest the overgrown worm born in December 2007 crawl out soiling all and sundry.

A caste built of vices only becomes a fortress of serial schemers hellbent on self destruction. The big political and national bang will come fast and furious. We haven’t seen anything yet, NA BADO.


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Can We Fight Crime With Technology?

I did not want to drown Taabu's controversial post and so I have decided to add my brief post here. Besides it does NOT really warrant a new post on its' own.

One of the good reasons for getting rid of all the old guys in power now is so that younger guys who are more familiar with technology can enable Kenyans to benefit from it. I will give just one example. Technology can be used very effectively to fight crime. We already have hidden cameras in town (not enough) and we already have an initiative by a private company to help people track their stolen cell phones. We also have the stalled DNA testing crime lab that is yet to be built.

However much more can still be done and only younger dot come generation Kenyans can figure this out for the country. As it is with the current jokers firmly in power, George Muhoho will always be re-appointed managing director of the Kenya Airports Authority (I mean the man is over 70 years old!!!). Are there no younger able qualified Kenyans? Besides the man does NOT need the job while many younger Kenyans do!!

As I have said here often, there is no way these old dinosaurs can give us any new ideas.

P.S. The argument I always hear is people asking what the young guys in the current political system have done. Well, the thing is they can NOT do much when the decision-making dinosaurs are still in power. We need radical surgery in Kenya. How about electing a 40 year old as President? Okay Maximum 45 years!!!?

Monday, April 06, 2009

Martha Karua Resigns Amid Slowly Crumbling Coalition Government

Breaking News

Martha Karua has kept her word and resigned from cabinet citing her inability to do her job due to interference from her boss (the executive) and those around him.

I greatly admire this woman who has never been short of courage.

She was carjacked once in the famous father Wamugunda incident and she held her head high through the whole ordeal as the scandal broke and in the end it was the press who blinked first.

Martha Karua today joined the very short list of cabinet ministers in Kenya who have dared to resign.

Then she is also a survivor of the Busia plane crash of 2003 that killed another cabinet minister and others.

However in the latest move political analysts point to the fact that she really had no choice but to resign. What do you do when you are the justice Minister and judges are appointed and sworn in without your knowledge? Besides the timing was also extremely politically prudent because Mwai Kibaki’s government is turning out to be the most unpopular ever. Clearly fresh elections are not too far off in the horizon and those who are still hanging close to the current government will have a very hard time seeing parliament again. By resigning now Martha positions herself as a rebel, the righteous woman who could not stand the stench in the place she worked and quit in protest. She is at least sure of seeing the insides of the 11th parliament.

Unfortunately that is not the whole story. Ms Karua is still positioned prominently and clearly in the minds of most Kenyans as the legal brains behind Mwai Kibaki’s election theft of 2007. Indeed as she has pointed out several times, she stood and defended Kibaki when trouser-clad males around her were either shaking in fright under the table or peering from behind her skirts.

In fact one of the reasons she started falling out with the Kibaki regime is that she was overlooked even after the gutsy work she did and in the end the person who got appointed Prime Minsiter and heir-apparent was in fact one of those peering behind her skirt when things got pretty hot around the president last January.

Still one cannot deny the fact that Martha Karua’s resignation has had a big symbolic impact on the grand coalition government. More than anything else it has exposed the weaknesses and vulnerability of the PNU side of the coalition. If the grand coalition government is a Mugumo tree then her action has cut a couple of inches into the tree and proved more than ever before that this huge strong tree shall fall after all. It is only a matter of time.

Karua has done what the noisy ODMers cannot dare do--at least for now.

Published earlier today: What happens if the grand coalition government collapses?

Sunday, April 05, 2009

What Happens If The Grand Coalition Government Collapses?

There is this guy I know who went and married a cute 20 year old girl as his second wife. He was 41 years old then. (I have no idea why Kenyans do crazy things and expect their leaders to be more level-headed). So when he lost his job, she promptly left him and told him to call her when he got a job or had money. Meanwhile she went for a prolonged holiday in Mombasa (financed by her boyfriends).

At least this story has a somewhat happy ending because on losing his job, the guy started his own business which quickly and miraculously thrived and he rushed to Mombasa to fetch his 20 year old beauty, snatching her away from the arms of this good-looking Arab guy who fortunately did not have much cash.

The grand coalition government “marriage” is on its’ last legs and believe it or not it all has to do with money, just like in my friend’s case. However in this particular case “the wife” is definitely NOT coming back after the separation happens.

Are my “parables” confusing you? Let me switch to some plain language that you can understand.

I have said in this blog several times that the “cement” keeping the coalition together is cash and that once the cash ran out, the coalition would be history. And because I believe what I write here, the first thing I did after the dramatic “acrobatics” of this past weekend at Kilaguni was to look for tell-tale signs that there is a cash crunch in Kenya. I quickly found plenty of interesting stuff to confirm this.

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For starters the government has recently revised its’ budget making a hefty cut of Kshs 23 billion that will terribly affect the quality of services to the public in the last 4 months of this government financial year. This is the second time in two months that the government is cutting back on expenditure. What does that tell you?

Then even more alarming, the government has requested money from the IMF (about $100million) specifically to replenish the country’s foreign exchange reserves. Read the full article on the government’s recent cutback HERE.

And as if to confirm that all is NOT well, Deputy Prime Minister and Minster for Finance Uhuru Kenyatta warned over the weekend that the government would not be able to deal with the many “problems” facing it if the coalition partners did not stop squabbling. What problems would be at the top of the mind of Uhuru Kenyatta just now?

Armed with this information, it is not surprising at all that at the first sign of rapidly dwindling resources to feed on, the grand coalition should start wobbling. If truth be told there are other factors that caused last weekend’s circus but money was and remains the main reason.

But let me digress for a minute for the sake of those who do not think that Kilaguni was a circus. Well it was!! So many ludicrous things happened. For starters President Kibaki traveled all the way to Tsavo and then gave the morning session a miss as all the squabbling was going on. Why go to Tsavo to sleep? Are there no beds in State House Nairobi? History will remember President Kibaki as the experienced carpenter who always hated sawdust to the end. In other words the president is a politician but hates political mud fights which are what most politicians thrive on. But that is a post for another day.

Still on the subject of sleeping arrangements, there was squabbling over the allocation of rooms at the luxury tourist resort with some attendees complaining bitterly why they weren’t allocated rooms similar to the Presidents’. Then there was the dramatic walk-out by Raila Odinga. The President promptly sent for him and the PM sulkily refused to come back. If that wasn’t a circus then I don’t know the meaning of the word.

So what are the other factors that have contributed to the events of this past weekend?

Politics, of course. Every politician knows that the pressure from the ordinary folk for change is soon going to be overwhelming and will force an early election (contrary to what the President thinks). This has obligated them back to the drawing boards and the chief concern is how to face the clearly angry electorate again with limited funds. You see despite the unprecedented corruption and feeding frenzy in the one year that the coalition government has existed, most are yet to recover their “investment” of the last elections.

This is one reason why Martha Karua’s handlers have advised her to resign (she is expected to resign later today from the cabinet). Her resignation now would give her immense political inertia considering the fact that President Kibaki and most of his cronies are extremely unpopular at the moment. She would be the hero of the moment in Central province and beyond and this would raise her profile and inject life into her presidential bid. Still in my view the ghosts of 2007 hang heavily on Martha. She cannot just shake off the fact that she was the main legal mind behind Mwai Kibaki’s theft of the election. Kenyans are known for their extremely short memories but this one….aiii!!!! I have my doubts as to whether they will forget in a hurry.

Gosh this post is getting too long and so let me close by answering the question in my title. What happens if the coalition falls apart? Well ODM’s position is that we will go back to the polls. On the other hand PNU’s position is that the constitution is supreme and therefore we will revert back to the constitution and the President will re-constitute a new cabinet.

So clearly there will be a crisis and then add to that the fact that most Kenyans are totally fed up with this government and you realize that there is only one answer to the question I have posed;

CHAOS.

P.S. The gap between ordinary folk and privileged Kenyans is widening by the day. There is no better place to clearly see that than in the comments section of this very blog. On the ground ordinary Kenyans are totally and completely sick of the ODM and PNU nonsense and are united in the belief that both political parties are really the same evil thing. That is in sharp contrast to the situation here in Kumekucha where PNU-and-ODM-which-is-better debates have persisted, completely refusing to go away.

Also a must read;

Kumekucha's earlier warning in March: Titanic government fails to see icebergs ahead

What Kumekucha said about the silver lining in the coming cash crunch that is already here


News Extra
Cell phones get stolen a lot. And that is why a new service that I have just heard about should make a huge difference. Dubbed Ujanja, the service uses satellite technology to track a telephone (or even a laptop) to it’s exact location. What happens is that after some software has been downloaded to your phone, the minute it is stolen an sms will be sent immediately to a cell phone of your choice (either your spouses or your friend.). The sms will contain vital information including the new sim card number that has been inserted into your stolen phone and the location of the phone. All this makes recovery very easy.

I am thinking that this is the kind of service that has the potential of ridding us of phone thieves (which is a very big business in Kenya these days). You can get more information on this interesting new service HERE.

Of Ultimate Political Tantrum and Wages of Sin


How some phrases come so handy and very apt in capturing history as it unfolds. Sample these:

1. Chicken come home to roost
2. Asante ya punda
3. Perils of not belonging
4. Dancing yourself lame to a stuck record before the real tunes
5. Your past is a ghost never exorcised and FINALLY
5. Wages of sin ............

Well, living in denial or the naivety of playing plastic surrogacy never caused constipation. You can CON a people sometime but may never know the enormity of the devil you are creating until the can are wide open and the worms come out crawling. The price is big and no vice is SUSTAINABLE.

Storm Clouds Gathering Over Nairobi

When all hell breaks loose in Nairobi, I'll be right here to die with my fellow countrymen. I'll drive down to the JKIA to kiss good bye Kenyans who will have renewed visas to foreign lands and kept their passports ready. After seeing the cowards off, I'll drive back to the city to help this nation figure out where we went wrong and how to get back on track.

You see, I'm getting increasingly pessimistic about the possibility of a meaningful truce between the ODM and PNU. It looks as if the accord signed between Odinga and Kibaki was a silly stop-gap measure, one the PNU side had no intention of honoring. How is it that we are unable to implement Agenda Four? Who is it that stands to gain by keeping the country tied to our moribund constitution? And who is it that stands to gain by remaining adamant in the face of urgent calls to institute sustainable land reforms?

Folks, it is easy to write from the States or Europe or anywhere else and sound tough as hell, but when you are within these borders and you see the faces of destitute, hungry mothers and children, when you talk to a security guard and they tell you that they have to walk from their assignment at a CBD complex to a squalid they call home in Ngomongo because they can't afford the fare, that's when you begin to understand why the games Kibaki's inner circle is playing with our security are not funny at all.

As I write this article, I'm sitting in my office, just across from Uhuru Park. There is a beautiful worship service going on there. Men, women and children are dancing and praising God for Kenya. They are calling upon God to bless our nation. But is God listening? How come just yesterday a meeting meant to heal the coalition government blew up in the faces of our leaders? And how come there is palpable angst all over this nation? Have we come to a point where we can't resolve our differences because Uhuru Kenyatta must be made president of Kenya? Have we come to a point where perpetrators of the post-election violence have determined that they will lead this country...even by force...or let it burn?

Enough!

Kenya belongs to all of us. The time has come to tell those who think they are more Kenyan than the rest of us that we will not take their crap anymore. The Prime Minister was gracious enough to save this nation when it was clear victory was snatched from him. At what point will Kibaki and his team reciprocate that gesture? What kind of greed drives the men around this leader?

Enough!

Either Kenya is for us all or it must be for none of us.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Tackle Corruption Now or Drown in Your Rot


2006 (Taifa Hall, UoN)
"In the end, if the people cannot trust their government to do the job for which it exists - to protect them and to promote their common welfare - all else is lost,"

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FAST FOWARD

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April 03, 2009 (Germany)
"My father was from Kenya. The US is under obligation to help Kenya on many issues but Kenya must sort its corruption problems first," Obama said in response to a question on relationship between the US and Kenya.

The more things change the more they remain the same or even retrogress. Poor Kenya.


A Little Good news for a change: You can now follow Chris as he receives highly sensitive info throughout the day and even get to know posts he is working on well in advance. You can even have a private chat with him. Follow him at Twitter. Find him in Twitter @KumekuchaChris. You will even get to see a photo of him (never before published on the web but will now be visible ONLY to his followers on Twitter). Remember that a lot of the stuff you will read on Twitter will NEVER be published because, as has been said here before, most of the information Kumekucha receives is too hot to publish or takes too long to verify (or is impossible to verify) and can therefore NOT be published. But you will be able to read it all on Twitter. Get to Twitter pronto, get there now and find Kenya's most popular and influential political blogger @KumekuchaChris