Just In Case

Folks, today I have some pertinent questions. Pertinent questions my brothers and sisters, pertinent questions.

When Raila meets Kibaki for one of those one-on-one closed door affairs, are both men thoroughly checked for firearms and other assorted miniature weaponry or cutting edge poisons (the kind that can be transmitted via a handshake)? Is the element of trust between these two men stronger than their obvious devious desires to see each other six feet under?

What would happen if lets say, one of these fellows suffered a big-bang version of a heart attack behind those closed doors? Will the other scream for help or offer CPR....or will he wait for a few 'important minutes' to pass by before alerting emergency authorities? Based on the deep political, tribal, economic and social divisions in Kenya today, is anyone prepared for that pricey state funeral? You know, the type where the casket is pulled by well groomed horses. What happens to Kenya in that aftermath?

The funny thing with death is that it has been known to sometimes unite broken families. In grief and robbed of a clear future, orphans have been known to burry the hatchet in preparation to facing the world in formidable unity. Are Kenyans ready for such an eventuality?...just in case i.e. Have we invested so much in these two people that we cannot see a future without them? How many of you still believe that Kenya will never be the same again? Some of us cannot wait to see Ruto receive a delivery of hot lead in the head while some are literarily having wet dreams on thoughts of Kibaki burning at the fiery stake. Are we honestly this intolerant? So Martha Karua cannot attend the burial of Ruto's dad? Yaani this thing is personal, eh!

Back to death and its delivery of constant surprises. Now that Mellitus Mugabe Were's death has, at the moment, lost political significance......just wait until the by-election date is announced, are we to take it that going forward, we should judge one's political power by the manner which news of his/her death is received? When Oyugi died, mourners were performing acrobatic somersaults while in tears within his palatial compound. Was he a great leader? When Ouko was killed, many lives followed him to the grave. Was that the weight of his clout? When JM went into perpetual hiatus, where was the public outrage? Was his death 'understandable'? What of Dedan Kimathi and the mystery of the truly nondescript headstone. If his bones are truly important to the history of this country, can the 'Kenya DNA office' do some justice? The reality is that there's a bunch of Kenyans who are ready to voluntarily perform the old Egyptian death ritual. You do remember that Pharaohs were typically buried alongside their entire living household.....including the sheep and camels.

What I'm trying to say is simply this; hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Some of us are anxiously awaiting an opportunity to publicly display our deranged capabilities/personalities. Yes folks, to some of you, the worst headline news of the century will be the one that announces a cabinet line up where either PNU or ODM is seen as having conceded too much. Well, there's exactly two possible 'worser' headlines.