Tribalism is a State of Mind

I lost my uncle last week so I had to travel for the burial (which took place on Wednesday, 7th May). Being the first born of my uncle’s elder brother it behooved me to attend, however far I was.

My uncle lived at Ongata Rongai and he was a former production manager at Bomas of Kenya.

I arrived a day before the burial and found the burial committee praying in the main house. The leader of the prayers was a luo woman. After the prayers she encouraged the children of the deceased to know that they are not alone or should not consider themselves as out and lost; But that they had a shoulder to cry on.

It was a time charged with so much emotion. After the luo woman, there stood another luo woman and thereafter a luhya man, each saying things of utter import during that trying time for the family.

As I sat listening and thinking, I was mesmerised by the beauty of it all (the pain of losing my uncle notwithstanding!). Never before had I thought that I would ever see Kikuyus and Luos working towards a common goal, hand in hand and peacefully.

Some of these luos and luhyas worked under my uncle at Bomas. They heaped praise upon praise on my deceased uncle saying how good he’d been blah…blah…blah..

When the committee was through with its business, most people went outside. I was left in the main house talking to my cousins. In mid-conversation, a bespectacled old man (in his sixties) came to where I was and extended his stiff hand. I took it and responded to his greeting.

He sat down next to me and asked whether I was the cousin who lived in (…!…). I answered in the affirmative.

He told me that his first name was George (and a luo from Nyanza). He added that he had travelled all the way from Nyanza to attend the burial of his friend, my uncle.

He told me the far that he and my uncle had come. I was mesmerised at how fondly he described their friendship. Throughout the talk, I did not detect any trace of hypocrisy in George.

On Wednesday we travelled to Kikuyu country (a certain part of Murang’a) for the burial.

The Catechist who led the burial ceremony was a luhya. He simply amazed me when he decided to use both Kikuyu and Kiswahili in the leading of the service. His Kikuyu is so good that he could pass for a Kikuyu who was born in Luhyaland!

On the bus to Nairobi, after the burial, my mind was abuzz.

Does the “cure” to tribalism and tribal hatred lie in pulling down the stereotypes that we have of others? (The thought that screams out loud saying that this is what I think you are and nothing, whatsoever, can change me to think otherwise! )

Honestly, the present state of affairs is not the kind of environment I would like my children to grow up in. But what can I (we) do?

I am confused…

P.S. Kumekucha is mentioned at Kenya Imagine

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Kibaki's Impending Billion Shilling IDP Resettlement Crisis.

Kibaki has been telling us that his government has set aside billions upon billions of Kenyan shillings for the purposes of resettling IDPs. Fat checks will be distributed to a segment of our population who were suddenly and violently impoverished in the aftermath of a stolen election, jealousy, historical injustices, land issues, war mongering etc. The recipients of these monies may use it to rebuild their lives, homes and businesses.

Any astute Kenyan citizen privy to the daily unending struggles being relived in IDP camps must agree that it is indeed prudent to financially assist our fellow brothers and sisters achieve some kind of pre-election normalcy. It is such welfare programs that identify progressive governments. It is in fact the duty of any government to ensure and protect the sanctity and continuity of life after natural and man-made calamities. All humane taxpayers must support and approve the endeavor to save our little innocent girls from the rape and mayhem associated with life in the IDP camps scattered all over the country.

Now back to Kenya. Sadly, most of us are currently preoccupied with arguments of whether or not IDPs should be welcomed back to their homes without local consultations. What of the sanctity of title deeds? Historical injustices? So who are IDKs? Constant security? These are all important questions that must be debated, however, we are neglecting the one billion dollar question that is bound to alienate our displaced folks to perpetuity.

The way I see it, while land and death are extremely emotional issues, neither is more explosive than money. Yes folks, money is the common denominator. We may have a government with progressive ideas but I wonder how progressive the minds of it's citizens really are. A time is coming when the fat checks will start trickling down to the freshly resettled neighbors. Now we all agree that 99.9% of the IDPs are GEMA related. Even if the other 0.1% got double doses of IDP cash, the perception among other Kenyans is obvious.

My intention is not to excite emotions, rather it is to prepare you for the coming years of increased resentment. Stories of how Kibaki stole the elections with intentions of pumping billions upon billions of taxpayer monies to Kikuyus will never end….especially if this money is used wisely to further increase the domination of the economy. People will easily forget the burning of citizen in churches and instead dwell on the brand new shiny mabati roofs spotting the Rift Valley scenery. For understandable security reasons, tribal gated communities may even prop up in some areas. Of course there are other underlying issues, such as why the money should go through Equity Bank or who will steal what at what time.

Picture this: For assorted reasons, Kiptanui violently evicts his neighbor Kamau, taking over his partially burnt house and land. A couple of months down the line, Kiptanui is arrested and jailed as Kamau is resettled and given enough money to put up a semi permanent home with shiny mabati roofs. The remaining cash is used to educate Kamau's children and possibly start a prosperous matatu business. In the meantime, the Mungiki leader is released as Kiptanui continues to rot in prison. While in prison, Kiptanui's wife secures a housemaid job in Kamau's prosperous household. Here, she is made to eat while seated on the kitchen floor as she's reminded of the evils of her husband and the fact that her kids cannot afford education. Time goes by and the police believe that Kiptanui has learnt his lesson. He's then released. A few weeks later Kiptanui and Kamau meet at the market and in the spirit of coalition, they hug and pretend to forget past injustices. It's obvious that Kiptanui is twenty times worse off financially while Kamau, despite loosing a few relatives, is ten times richer. Naturally, as Kiptanui sits on a stool under his leaky grass thatched hut, he sharpens his arrows in readiness for the next opportunity. This time, he'll take over a mabati roofed house. Kamau on the other hand keeps vigil armed with an arsenal of the best firearms money can buy. Having been given a second chance at life, he's well aware a third one will never come.

Now multiply that story by about a million times. Is it possible to permanently appease both Kamau and Kiptanui? Is Kibaki (and Raila) expected to provide guidance and can he do so with gusto?

It's my sincere hope that we choose the progressive way and allow our friends to be resettled in peace.

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IDPs Doing Commerce With Their Misery

It came as no surprise to see IDPs camping in Nakuru showground demanding compensation as a prerequisite to returning their homes. And why not? This lot are well aware they are in safe company. They are merely joining in the grand rape of Kenyans secure in the knowledge that IMPUNITY and DECEPTION are two vices that define the present regime as personified by the THIEF-IN-CHIEF. At least the IDPs are honest by not pulling wool over our faces in their being readiness to sell their soul to the highest bidder.
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See also; Shocking link between quick Grand Regency sale to Libyans and elections 2007
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Deception disguised as commerce is a sure recipe to communal friction and even war. Morality is an alien virtue to a people singularly and uniquely defined by their shamelessness to auction their hearts for the right pieces of silver. Just join the DECEPTIVE dots and you won’t fail to see why other Kenyans are in no mood to entertain a cohort hell bent on making hay at the rumours of sun’s rays.

Truth has an uncanny tendency to taste stale to scoundrels and liars. They readily denigrate this time-tested virtue as sounding like a stuck record. Fortunately TRUTH NEVER MUTATE. Instead it dutifully turns bounces back to hit the faces of the few who have traces of element of shame. Pursuit of wealth at whatever cost while ridding roughshod on the backs of others makes THIEVES shamelessly brand their victims as lesser bread of entrepreneurs. The calculative lot will promptly brand any genuine complaints directed at them as noise from lazy and jealous masses. No wonder they had no qualms tagging a whole country not sharing their deceptive ways as practitioners of DOMO theatrics.

By resorting to bandage solutions, Kibaki and PNU are simply caving in to immense pressure to settle their voting block. Meanwhile they remain oblivious of the fact that there are unwittingly postponing a problem instead of confronting it head on. The power of the gun may succeed in intimidating a people but it cannot cultivate peace needed to co-exist. The 30 or so police stations will soon be host to hungry policemen cutting a deplorable picture of starving hoard of cops. To this abrasive gang the sight of policemen guarding grass at Uhuru Park for weeks on end was not embarrassing enough. All the choreographed and forced resettlement is one poison that is assured to generate more hate, anger, resentment and bitterness.

Killing spouse for insurance cover
The unpleasant truth remains the fact that SETTLER and HOST communities is an idea that can only be wished away by fools. Hon James Orengo told it as it is without blinkers or sugar coating it. His call only amplified the general feeling in the wider Rift Valley. Predictably he was condemned by those who would wish to have the cancer mutate on its own as it slowly kills the patient by instalment without any diagnosis. The willing-buyer willing-seller banter is an old song bereft of any danceable lyrics.

The IDPs stake on compensation is akin to a spouse readiness to kill his/her partner with the eye singularly trained on insurance cover. Kenyans have been serially taken to these murderous rides before. But not any more and selective application of the law won’t wash this time round. The cure lies in accepting the fact that Kenya belongs to all Kenyans and no single community can lord over others. The medication is EQUITABLE distribution of our resources.

Those who derive pleasure in BANDAGE solutions will readily and predictably reduce this truism to ethnic bashing. But refusing to measure up and instead reducing a challenge to your lower level and consequently beat it by experience is the epitome of reverse logic. Indulge and bring it on.


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Kibaki’s Re-election Campaign Bribe Behind the Hurried Secret Sale of Grand Regency to Libya

KUMEKUCHA RED HOT EXCLUSIVE

Fresh details which emerged today regarding the secret and hurried plans by President Kibaki to sell off the landmark Grand Regency Hotel to a Libyan company revealed the grand corruption that riddled PNU campaigns in the December 27 General Election.

It emerged that the sale revolves around a secret Memorandum of Understanding (MoU) President Kibaki signed with Libya’s President Muammar Gaddafi during a three-day visit to Libya last June as part of his global plans the raise funds to run his re-election.

Libyan Leader Muammar Qaddafi with President Mwai Kibaki when he bade him farewell after his three day visit in Sirte, Libya.

President Kibaki had lost favour in the traditional Western friends of Kenya and his following at home had taken a nose-dive due to his poor leadership and his involvement in the Anglo Leasing Scandal and he was desperately looking for alternative sources of raising campaign funds.

Libya came in handy – but with a heavy price. President Gaddafi required a substantial control of Kenya’s wealth in order to bail out President Kibaki who was facing the biggest test of his political career in the December 27 polls.

During the begging mission, the two presidents “negotiated” and agreed on an MoU that has a direct bearing in the sorry state of affairs regarding the Grand Regency Hotel. Titled "Agreement on Promotion Guarantee and Protection On Investment," the MoU was signed by Kenya's then Minister for Trade, Dr Mukhisa Kituyi, and Dr Ali Elisaue, Secretary General of Libya's General People's Committee for the Economy and Investment.

According to Kibaki’s close aides privy to the MoU deal and the subsequent take over of the hotel by the Government, the purchase of the hotel – a symbol of greed, theft and grand corruption which was the hallmark of President Moi regime - was among six projects that the Libyans had expressed interest in when the President visited the oil-rich North African country between June 4 and 6 2007.

In exchange of signing the lucrative MoU with Libyans, President Kibaki received an unspecified amount of money to fund his presidential re-election campaigns.

Interestingly, Kibaki was committing himself to sell the hotel to a group comprising Libyan investors trading as Libyan Arab African Investment Company even before the Government wrestled the ownership of the prestigious Nairobi landmark from the architect of the infamous Goldenberg scandal, Mr Kamlesh Pattni.

The MoU was part of President Kibaki’s strategy to raise funds for his re-election campaign. Other major presidential candidates Mr Raila Odinga and Mr Kalonzo Musyoka did similar missions abroad to raise funds for their campaigns. It’s not known how much funds each of the three candidates raised.

Reports indicate Mr Odinga also signed secret MoUs with foreign firms and individuals which he promised to honour if he trounced President Kibaki and formed the Government. Locally, Mr Odinga signed other controversial MoUs like the one he did with a section of Muslims. But the most shocking MoU relate to the unfolding saga of how President Kibaki shamelessly traded with public resources to win funds to run his PNU campaigns.

According to Kibaki’s aides, President Kibaki and his delegation promised to sell the hotel to the Libyan investors at Sh2.5 billion, yet this was the price set by the Central Bank Kenya 15 years ago. Financial market analysts say the hotel is today valued at Sh7 billion.

Last month’s stage-managed handover of the hotel to the Government by Mr Pattni left many questions unanswered.

Receiving the hotel on behalf of the Government was Mr Justice Aaron Ringera, the head of the Kenya Anti-Corruption Commission, and Governor of the Central Bank of Kenya, Prof Njuguna Ndung’u, showered Mr Pattni with platitudes “for his selfless gesture”. A beaming Mr Ringera described it a first in the war of asset recovery.

On his part, Mr Pattni talked of surrendering the hotel in exchange of amnesty from further prosecution regarding the plunder of CBK’s coffers under the close watch of retired President Moi. The plunder of CBK and other state coffers under the watchful eye of Mr Moi almost drove Kenya into the knees and rendered more Kenyans poorer.

In a strange twist of events, Attorney-general Amos Wako said he was not consulted in the surrender deal raising questions on why the chief legal adviser to the Government was kept in the dark.

When reports emerged that the five-star, which has been at the centre of furious legal battles between CBK and Mr Pattni for 15 years, had secretly been sold to Libyan investors, Prof Ndung’u, Mr Ringera and Finance minister Amos Kimunya swiftly issued denials. Mr Kimunya claimed the hotel will be sold within a month through auction.

Mr Kimunya has perfected the art of making cheap lies on camera ever since he became President Kibaki’s top confidant. He kept on giving disjointed and incoherent answers when journalists cornered him in regard to the secret Grand Regency deal.

The question that has bogged the minds of many Kenyans in the last one month is: Why was are the content of the deal entered between Mr Pattni and the Government being kept a secret and why was the Government in such a hurry to sell the hotel before advertising it in public?

It emerged today that the secret negotiations with Mr Pattni and the subsequent hurried plans by President Kibaki’s cronies to dispose off the hotel emanated from the intense pressure President Kibaki has been getting from his Libyan counterpart to honour the June MoU (Kibaki has a bad reputation of honouring MoUs bearing in mind he shamelessly trashed a power-sharing MoU he signed with Mr Raila Odinga before he propelled him to State House in 2002 General Election).

The only fruits the Libyans have reaped from the MoU deal is the acquisition of all Mobil petrol stations in Kenya by Oilibya. President Kibaki is yet to honour the other lucrative part of the deal which earned him handsome funds for his PNU campaigns.

According to reliable information from Kibaki’s aides, President Gaddafi started becoming uneasy with the slow pace his Kenyan counterpart was moving at in implementing the deal in February and that’s why he dispatched a top Libyan Government official to Kenya purportedly to “talk” to President Kibaki and Mr Odinga to strike a political deal to end the political and security crisis that was sparked off by President Kibaki’s stealing of an election victory from Mr Odinga.

It was during the meeting with the Libyan official at State House Nairobi that President Kibaki agreed to meet President Gaddafi when he visited Kampala in March.

The meeting between President Mwai Kibaki and the Libyan Leader Muammar Gaddafi took place on the evening of May 19. According to a PPS dispatch to newsrooms, the two leaders held bilateral consultation “to review the status and progress of the implementation of the agreed framework of co-operation between the two countries which was signed in Sirte during President Kibaki's visit to Libya mid last year.”

It did not occur to Kenyans at the time what the diplomatic PPS dispatch meant. Kumekucha can today authoritatively reveal that President Kibaki travelled to Kampala because the Libyan president was exerting pressure on him to honour the MoU which they signed in exchange for funds for his PNU campaigns.

It is worthy noting that President Kibaki flew to Kampala in the thick of a political stalemate back at home to meet President Gaddafi who was in Kampala to commission a new mosque. President Gaddafi was on official visit to Kampala on the invitation of President Museveni. Who had invited Kibaki and what was his mission in Kampala?

It has emerged that President Kibaki promised President Gaddafi he would do his best to honour the pact and this is what has triggered a furry of high-profile activities regarding the Grand Regency.

It has emerged that the CBK chief and his KACC counterpart had to literally beg Mr Pattni to agree to surrender his hotel to the state and hence the praises the two showed on a man the Bosire Commission of Inquiry into the Goldenberg Scandal described as Kenya’s Number One Conman.

Our sources disclosed that President Kibaki’s joy of making Mr Pattni surrender the hotel were cut short when an Indian company fronted by internationally-renowned wealthy tycoons, which had already moved into Kenya and placing itself in a strategic position to buy the hotel when it was put to the hammer, sent an unsolicited bid to Mr Kimunya with an offer exceeding Sh2.5billion by far.

The Indian company, through Conman Pattni, had been following the secret negotiations and they swung the unsolicited bid when Mr Pattni sealed the deal with Mr Ringera and Prof Njuguna. According to plan, the secret deal between President Kibaki and President Gaddafi regarding the Grand Regency would have been sealed as soon as Mr Pattni gave in and handed over the hotel.

But the unsolicited entry into the Grand Regency buying bid by the India firm and the sudden attention Kenyan media had shown on the Libyan sole bid, jolted Mr Kimunya and President Kibaki since they feared the exposure of the scandal of how they secretly sold off the hotel without any public bid while there was another bidder offering a higher amount.

Matters were worsened when some Treasury officials, serving the interests of the Indian firm, leaked to the Kenyan media the secret plans to sell off Grand Regency to the Libyan firm without any public bid. The Press went to town with the story.

This forced President Kibaki to order Mr Kimunya to urgently contact Dr Elisaue and Libyan Arab African Investment Company to explain to them the new developments and ask them to raise their bid slightly higher than the amount being offered by the Indian firm.

We established that the Libyan firm had grudgingly accepted to raise their bid but the Indian firm, which boasts of the fifth richest man in the world, Mr Mukesh Ambani, who early last month partnered with an Arabian real estate firm, Arrow Webtex, to form Delta Resources Limited, is not willing to give up the hotel and has promised to fight on.

As Kibaki was promising to sell off the Grand Regency to the Libyian firm, little did he know that the Indian firm had arrived in Nairobi and it had placed itself in a strategic position to bid for the hotel when it is put to hammer.

The Indian firm had already bought a huge parking lot next to Grand Regency at a cost of Sh1.4 billion from the National Social Security Fund in anticipation for the expansion of the hotel if it managed to seize its ownership.

The company has also reportedly bought another parking lot between Barclays Plaza and Nyati House, where it plans to build a number of top-end hotel and shopping malls, creating a “city within a city” around the hotel complete with modern shopping centres, casinos and other entertainment services.

That’s how the stakes are so high for the Indian firm and it’s unlikely they will let go their quest to own the hotel, which was built by Mr Pattni using CBK loot, in order to please President Kibaki and his preferred Libyan firm.

Interestingly, the Kibaki Tena website, a State House-backed lobby group spearheading President Kibaki’s re-election drive, mentions about the visit President Kibaki did to Libya last June. However, the story posted on the website only dwells on the trade packs President Kibaki and the Libyan leader signed but doesn’t mention the funds he received for his PNU campaigns.

The Indian firm’s shocking entry into the Grand Regency purchase bid has given President Kibaki and his lieutenants sleepless nights and it remains to be seen how they will overcome the issue of the campaign funds justify they received from Libya if the hotel goes to other buyers.

Dr Kituyi who signed the MoU on behalf of President Kibaki was a trusted lieutenant of the president but he was sent packing from Parliament by his Kimilili constituents and he is rotting in the political cold. His docket was taken by Mr Uhuru Kenyatta, a foe-turned loyalist of Kibaki. But the question is: Why has Uhuru vanished from the public limelight since the Grand Regency scandal started unfolding and the trade pact that promised to sell off the hotel to Libya lies squarely in his docket? Is he in Libya or India trying doing Kibaki’s errands to contain the Grand Regency scandal?

Surprisingly, all the key figures handling the Grand Regency saga (President Kibaki, Uhuru, Kimunya, Prof Njuguna and Mr Ringera) have one thing in common: the Mt Kenya link. Libyans have firmly set their eyes on the oil and petroleum industry in Kenya and it’s no surprise that another Mt Kenya figure and key ally of President Kibaki, Energy Minister Kiraitu Murungi, was present in Libya during the MoU signing.

Under the MoU, President Kibaki committed Kenya into granting an exclusive trade pact to Libya, making Tripoli "most favoured nation" status - making it possible for Libyan companies to start at an advantage over investors when competing for lucrative contracts.

The irony is that Mr Ringera, who earns a whopping Sh2.5million from tax payers plus other lucrative perks to fight high-level graft, is the man at the centre of legalising the Kibaki-sponsored Grand Regency scandal. Instead of doing his job and catching all the thieves in the Grand Coalition Government (there are a good number corrupt political heavyweights in PNU, ODM, ODM-K, KANU and in other parties) and in the civil service, Mr Ringera has chosen to go after the small fish like traffic policemen and junior civil servants who take small bribes from Kenyans who are struggling to rise from the yokes of poverty.

Why should Kenyan’s continue paying huge salaries to Mr Ringera and his staff and pumping billions into the KACC drain every year for no work done and to commit serious acts of legitimising Kibaki-made scandals like the Anglo Leasing and the Grand Regency Scandal?

KACC under Mr Ringera has taken civil servants to court for single sourcing or awarding contracts to companies without offering public bids. Why is the Libyan deal an exception?

We now know why Kibaki stole the election to remain in power for another five years.

Other stories published in Kumekucha today;

Party of the year: Raila's homecoming bash

How long can the grand coalition "marriage" survive?

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Party of the Year: Raila’s Homecoming

The Kibaki succession soap opera is expected to move a notch higher this weekend when ODM captain and the man many people widely believe defeated Kibaki at the presidential poll, Raila Odinga, heads to Nyanza and Western Provinces to host a series of significant events at his rural homes in Nyanza in celebrating his homecoming.

According to sources privy to the arrangements, the ODM has laid down elaborate plans for Raila’s homecoming ceremony expected to run for the entire coming weekend from May 10 to 12, culminating with putting in an appearance at the home of the Minister for Fisheries Development, Mr. Paul Otuoma in Funyula, Western province. The guest list reads like who-is-who in Kenya’s political and business circles. The entire ODM pentagon, the party’s NEC, the yet to be disbanded presidential campaign team and a distinguished mix of local and overseas visitors are expected to grace the occasion including the flamboyant Ukambani politican John Harun Mwau. Unconfirmed reports indicate that the Guest of Honour will be none other than President Mwai Kibaki. Although the V-P Kalonzo Musyoka has been officially invited, he is unlikely to attend and risk being fried alive (read: embarrassed) by Ngilu and Mwau who are his Ukambani political archrivals, not to mention prospects of facing the thousands Raila’s fanatical supporters drawn mainly from Kondele and Obunga slums who, unlike IDPs in Eldoret, have nothing to lose and will not hesitate to heckle the V-P who is deemed as a man who has been out to politically frustrate ODM.

Not since the NDP/KANU merger rally in Kisumu a decade ago has the region witnessed such momentous organization. A committee that includes the Kisumu Mayor and the Nyanza OCPD has been meeting regularly to ensure everything goes according to plan. Hotels and commercial flights to Kisumu are fully booked for the weekend although a good number of guests are expected to land at Kisumu airport in personal and chartered aircraft.

The region is currently bracing itself to give ‘their son’ a thunderous homecoming following his well planned and highly publicized but abortive presidential bid. To the people of Nyanza, the president will hardly visit the area unless he is coming for official state functions. Things were not made easier for the president that his relations with Raila were not the best ever since the collapse of the NARC coalition following the trashing of the MOU. The president himself, as candidate in 2007, did not campaign in the area and even his own lieutenants planned but completely failed to address a single campaign rally in the Luo Nyanza region.

Political observers opine that these homecoming events are just but political rallies aimed at flexing political muscles. High on the agenda at Raila’s homecoming, will be the explosive issue of the still unresolved pecking order in the higher echelons of government.

Interestingly Ababu Namwamba, the ODM MP for Budalangi, and a long time admirer/supporter of Raila Odinga, yesterday successfully sort and got permission to introduce a bill in parliament aimed at establishing an official opposition. Although Raila himself has on several occasions spoken against forming an official opposition in a grand coalition, Raila is not - by all means - a politician who was born yesterday and he very well may be the one behind the clever actions of one Ababu Namwamba. ODM’s unfinished business (read: taking over the reins of power in Kenya) is still well within grasp; and despite the diplomacy and smiles exhibited by its leaders some of whom are now in cabinet, the ultimate goal of the party is to ensure that it becomes the ruling party in Kenya – on or before December 2012. In prevailing circumstances, there is no other way in toppling this government except through parliament where incidentally, the party has significant control through both the Speaker and Deputy Speaker's posts.

Many people doubt this, but anxiety in PNU has not gone unnoticed by keen political observers. The forthcoming by-elections in 5 constituencies are due in a month and they will be a litmus test for the stability and future of the grand coalition cabinet. President Kibaki’s PNU (which in reality does not have a single MP in the house) is a coalition that exists only by name and is nowhere near assembling its campaign machinery for the forthcoming mini-general elections. Looking at the agenda 1,2,3&4 on the Annan peace roadmap, it really reads like ODM’s 2007 manifesto. DPM and ODM Vice Captain Musalia Mudavadi led the ODM delegation to the Annan talks and the agenda was obviously because of their influence.

It therefore should not surprise any Kenyan that the ODM is behind the moves to create an official opposition in parliament even though its leaders are serving in government as cabinet ministers. The reality is that the opposition will have much more liberty to propagate party policies, oppose legislation umwanted by ODM as well as expose government scandals because ODM cabinet ministers are tied by the draconian oath of collective responsibility in cabinet!

Raila arrived back in the country earlier this week, after a spell in South Africa, where he met with the anti-apartheid icon Nelson Mandela, his wife Graca as well as the leader of Zimbabwe's Movement for Democratic Change, Morgan Tsvangirai. Prior to that, he had been in Germany, where he had undergone laser eye surgery.


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How Long Can The Grand Coalition Government Survive?

Have you ever fallen in love? Aii. It is some feeling. It happened to me slightly over 20 years ago and no I didn’t end up getting married to her. But I know she reads Kumekucha sometimes and chances are high that she will read this post.

And she will know that I am telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth when I say that the reason why it did not work out was NOT my fault. It took me a long time to get over it. Too long. But I survived. After going through all that, would you want to fall in love again?

By the way, you’re not on the wrong site friend, I am talking in parables kidogo and I am focusing on our grand coalition government “marriage” saga.

Now this is one strange marriage. Both the guy and the chic had sworn that they would share the same bed only as corpses, let alone get duly married as they are now. But life is strange and this guy from Ghana came along and sweet talked the two into a marriage of convenience. Now let me tell you something you might not know about this chap from Ghana. To be Secretary General of the UN, one of the requirements is that you must be able to speak at least two major languages fluently, like English and French. So Kofi Anan is quoted as having replied to a question to do with the second language he speaks thus;

“I know it so well that they tell me these days that I speak English with a French accent.”

Anyway I digress. So this sweet talking guy who can speak both English and French like the natives of those countries, got down to work. The couple was offered all sorts of bribes, if only they could tie the knot. One thing both PNU and ODM friends can agree with me here is that there was no love in this marriage, and actually there has never been. What has always been very visible and evident instead is the intense hatred the two have for each other.

I can authoritatively report that even the sex in this marriage is a disaster. I mean for newly weds, this couple are doing very, very, very badly indeed. Usually at this stage, the parties cannot keep their hands off each other. But with this unique couple they have to make a timetable for sex and many times on mutual agreement they miss their sex dates altogether. Can you believe that? We know that men can do it anywhere but the woman has never come anywhere near… you know what on the few occasions that something has actually happened. And please don’t ask me who the man is and who the woman is in this marriage. The latest is that a special “bonding session: has now been called which will start tomorrow at the Kenya School of Monetary studies and will feature the full coalition cabinet.

Kenyans are a conservative lot so for the sake of all those dear readers of mine who have read this far and are disgusted, let me revert back to the political language they understand best.

It is now clear that the grand coalition government is not going to survive for much longer. And the reason is simple. This couple are just not compatible. Period. Can you believe that they are not even able to steal together in peace?

High on the list of things the two do not agree on is the explosive red hot issue of the resettlement of the IDPs. Now before I give you an illustration of a major point of disagreement between the coalition partners, allow me to digress again a little.

I want to tell you the two most people-sensitive persons in the 10^th parliament. They are James Orengo and Musalia Mudavadi. These guys have been out in the cold and very close to the wananchi for 5 long almost unending years. So you can imagine what they feel now that they are back in parliament. There is nothing like being in the cold politically to remind a politician who their real boss really is.

So you cannot blame James Orengo who is the minister for Lands for saying what he did in the Rift Valey over the weekend. I mean even when the President and Prime Minister were in Eldoret during their recent tour, the people were screaming for Orengo to be given a chance to speak to them. So when the guy got hold of the mike last weekend, he told the people exactly what they wanted to hear. He finished by saying that the best way forward was to re-settle the IDPs elsewhere.

Aii. The PNU chaps and especially politicians from Central province could not take that lying down. So far they have just stopped short of asking the president to drop Orengo from the cabinet. If I was Orengo I would really wish for that, because it would put me in poll position for the presidency in 2012 (if we get that far. Personally I have my doubts). But the president can no longer drop ministers like underwear. The constitution now demands that he consult with his partner. But that is a story for another day.

Folks politics in Kenya at the moment may seem very quiet and boring. But under the surface things are simmering and beginning to boil like crazy. In fact I could not help thinking that the Prime Minister’s short holiday in South Africa after he came from Germany was designed to re-strategize so that he knows how best to land back in the boiling pot that is Kenya. Incidentally Raila came back by private jet (in my raw notes this week I reveal who footed the bill for that costly flight). Sorry it is too hot to put here.

So why are things so hot politically? The answer is simple. Politics in Kenya has changed dramatically since last December and we are headed to that place where the masses are very powerful indeed and their voices cannot be silenced (this is exactly how things should have been since 1963). The ODM high command is under considerable pressure to do something to address the serious suffering of ordinary folks in the country caused by spiraling food prices and the colossal number of jobs and livelihoods that were lost as a result of the post-election violence. They are also under even more pressure to halt the re-settlement of IDPs in the Rift Valley. Yesterday special programs minister Naomi Shaban came face to face with the mounting anger of IDPs when she was confronted by some very agitated folks at and IDP camp in Kitale. And remember these guys who are angry are being offered all manner of incentives to go back to their farms (full shocking details of what the government is really telling IDPs are in my raw notes for last week).

On the other hand PNU is under considerable pressure to re-settle and fully compensate IDPs like yesterday. The party is just beginning to realize that I was not joking 3 months ago when I asked what the cost of stealing an election really is. The answer is that nobody knows but you don’t even want to know what it has cost thus far and still counting. By the way prepare yourself for the most broke government in the history of this country despite being the same government that is collecting record figures in taxes.

In fact the president cannot even call a full cabinet meeting at the moment because of different expectations from the two marriage partners. Read the full story about this HERE.

So with all these marital problems. How long do you think this marriage will last? My humble view is that it will take a miracle for these two to still be together this time next year.

P.S. Taabu has not communicated with me and his number is Mteja. However two of my impeccable independent intelligence sources tell me that he is alive and well and visiting somewhere and will be back to base very soon.

Man leaves graduate wife for standard 7 drop out maid

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Obama - Are You Ready For This One?

I’ve tried and tried to understand the USA electioneering system but I always get lost somewhere in the Primaries, Caucuses and Super Tuesdays. Ours here I understand a little bit too well. Stuff enough ballot boxes with khangas and lamps and there you have your ticket to parliament. And a ministerial post soon after.

I’ve since given up on the US system but at least I know the basics. Barack Obama is in the lead. And he took a major stride towards Democratic Party’s presidential nomination with a victory over Hillary Clinton in North Carolina - a big win for the Obama camp which has put him almost beyond Hillary’s reach. The good very forgiving lady will need a miracle to reach him now.

In my effort to understand the system further, I came across a candidate who could very well be the next president of the United States of America. Maybe just as much as Nazlin Omar could have been Kenya’s president. His name is Jonathon ‘The Impaler’ Sharkey and he’s a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch. As a self proclaimed Satanist, Jonathon will be vying for the US presidency under the Vampires, Witches and Pagans Party which he founded in 2005. The party is officially recognized by the United States Federal Election Committee. Under Jonathon’s leadership (if he wins), gay marriages will not only be allowed, but as an ordained priest (Satanic) he will devote time once or twice a month and conduct them himself at the White House. He has major beef with the likes of Osama Bin Laden and Al-Qaida and although his preferred form of punishment for terrorists is to viciously impale them, he also has good plans to drop a bomb in the holy city of Mecca and level it to the ground.

This is not the first time Jonathon is vying for public office. He gave presidency a shot in 2004 and now again in 2008. He has also vied for congress in 3 states in the past, New Jersey, Indiana and Florida. In 2006, he ran for Governor of Minnesota.

It’s difficult to write much about him without sounding like I’m campaigning for him but one last thing. Those who know about wrestling might know him by the name ‘Rocky Hurricane Flash’. He’s also a professional boxer. You may not want to but if you want to see him on some blood stained vampire site, you can check it out here.

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Fishy Business With The IDPs: Why The Mad Rush?

One of the reasons why politicians in Kenya and indeed most readers in this blog can never understand or empathize with Kenya’s Internally displaced persons has to do with understanding the emotion of fear.

Let me illustrate this to you in a bit more detail. I was still only a young child barely 4 years old when we used to live in Isiolo with my parents. Even now some memories of that house are still etched firmly on my mind. Our house was right next to the bush where on at least two sides of the strong fence we had no neighbor but the thicket as far as the eye could see. I still remember looking out of the sitting room window on most evenings and seeing the clear silhouette of an elephant. I kid you not.

Now one of the best kept state secrets of Kenya was unfolding in Isiolo at that time and it was the Shifta bandit menace. One day, when my father was not around and we were only in the house with my mum and kid brother and the house help, a very fierce gun fight broke out right outside our house at about 7pm in the evening. Our mum huddled me and my brother into a large wardrobe in our kids bedroom and she joined us there as she locked it on the inside as best as she could. The gun battle went on outside for hours and hours. Mercifully that was one of the few gun fights that the Shifta appear to have lost to the Kenyan security personnel otherwise this blog would never have existed and I would not be here today. The Shiftas in those days did not take any hostages. I must have had an inkling, even at that tender age that all was not well because I am told that I threw up inside that stuffy cupboard. To be honest that part I do not remember. But I remember falling asleep in there as endless gun shots continued to ring out all over our compound.

But apparently I was very brave because years later, my dad told me that they were in the police mess less than 100 metres from our house when the firing started and one the civilians taking cover inside some large cupboard was terrified. So much so that soon the floor appeared to be water logged only for everybody to discover that the man had urinated on himself.

Fear is not a pretty emotion but just imagine for a moment that that is the chief emotion amongst most of the IDPs idling away in camps. The memories of the terrible terrible things that happened to them barely 4 months ago are still very fresh on their minds.

And then to make matters worse the government is very determined that the IDPs should go back to the place which for them still has very scary memories. Many watched their loved ones being killed. Others watched as their mothers, wives and sisters were savagely raped in front of their very own eyes by people they thought they knew well.

But the Kibaki government does not really care. All they want is for the IDPs to go back to their farms. So the big mystery is why would people still in so much fear want to go back to a place that has crazy and fearful memories for them? The truth is that the government is forcing people to go back. And the details of exactly how they are doing this is extremely disturbing to say the least (see my latest raw notes for the full story).

For starters it is a human rights violation to force IDPs to go back to their homes against their will and indeed better judgment. One just needs to carefully observe how the politicians are behaving over this IDP issue to realize that there is something very wrong here.

Last weekend Lands Minister James Orengo while addressing a meeting in the Rift Valley suggested that the IDPs be settled elsewhere other than the Rift Valley. That remark has drawn the fire of many Central province MPs who have said that Orengo was wrong as a cabinet minister to say what he said. They have vowed that the IDPs MUST be re-settled in the Rift Valley.

The truth is that it is not too hard for the government to find land elsewhere in the country to settle these suffering brothers and sisters of ours, other than the Rift Valley where the bitter truth is that they will never be safe. They can be given land exactly the size of what thye lost in the Rift valley, or if the land is less fertile, something larger. The truth is that there are vast tracts of idle, undeveloped land all over the country.

Why should President Kibaki and his cronies rush to re-settle the IDPs without addressing the core issues that led to their displacement in the first place, as Rift Valley MPs have requested so many times? Are we not just postponing the inevitable, namely another painful eviction in the near future? What about the scars and memories the IDPs have of those farms that they are being asked to go back to? I am well aware of the fact that history bores most of my readers in this blog, but studying the history of how most of the IDPs ended up being settled in the Rift Valley will help anybody solve the mystery of why the government is in such a mad rush to get the IDPs back on their farms (I tackle this issue in great detail in my latest raw notes.)

Folks we could be triggering off trouble in the Rift Valley re-settling the IDPs so quickly and without addressing the core problems. And even the issue of having police protection is not quite reassuring enough. As one victim put it; they were living right next to a police station but that did not stop them being attacked and were forcibly evicted off their land.

She visited lover in servant quarters leaving husband in bed

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Huyo Ametupa Mbao versus Conservative Kenyan Ideas

I am a crazy one when an idea gets hold of me. One thing that happens is that I really get excited about it and discouraging me becomes impossible.

The truth is that time and again in my life I have pressed on with a number of “crazy ideas that will never work” that have ended up not doing too badly. A good example is this very blog. “One of his crazy ideas that never work, huyo ametupa mbao” somebody who thinks they know me too well quipped about it.

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Also posted in the last few minutes;

The good thing about the fat donkey Kenya MPs

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But that one is a storo for another day. Today I will focus on the drama around my house construction project high in the hills somewhere in Ukambani where my ancestors come from.

From my few travels here and there, I had been inspired to think out of the box when it came to construction. By some stroke of very good luck I got a fundi who was receptive to my “crazy ideas”.

Now usually where I come from, to construct a house you either need to make bricks (there is plenty of good material all over the place to make some really nice bricks) or you get stones from elsewhere. And yet there is plenty of stone everywhere you look. It is a great menace and if people had the means they would probably pay you to get it off their shambas. But nobody had ever thought of it as building material.

I was advised not to dare use “those funny stones” for the foundation of my small shack otherwise it would collapse for sure. But when I met up with my fundi and dug the foundation, that is exactly what we used. Somebody even asked me if I had ever constructed a house before. When I said “no”, they gave me some friendly advice. They suggested that I start with a small toilet on the outside first and then later I could come to my shack. That one stung me and made me even more determined.

Let me spare you the details and cut a long story short.

The house still stands today, 16 years later. It doesn’t even have a single crack anywhere on any wall. It is a small house that I hope to expand into a nice country cabin one day. I have this most spectacular view of the valley below and into the distance towards what must be Thika. Just breath-taking. Imagine sipping morning tea while taking in a view like that.

But the construction did not go without mishaps. My ideas worked great until we got to the roof. I wanted to use stone and cement on the roof in a way that I had seen done elsewhere. In fact my construction site became a local tourist attraction as people came to see me fail. Finally the roof did not work out and I was forced to use conventional roofing material. But I have not given up. These days we have the Internet and when I get back there some day, I will Google how to construct a roof with stones and cement.

So why am I telling you guys all this?

It is because our beloved country is in a deep hole country and sinking deeper by the day. And the only thing that can save us are some radical brand new ideas.

The only problem is that Kenyans are too conservative for them. Way too conservative. Most Kenyans can’t even think out of the box when writing a mere job application. Too risky, they will tell you. But wise people tell us, no risk no gain.

Personally I believe that only some very radical ideas can save us now. Pussy-footing will just have us going round and round in circles when the people are really suffering and I can assure you the boiling point for them is way too close.

Here are some of the radical ideas I believe can go a long way in helping us save our beloved country.

1. Pass legislation to bar folks from standing for any political office in a constituency within their home province.
2. Pass a law to rotate the presidency around different tribes in Kenya for the next 50 years. That means that once your tribe has seen the presidency, no candidate from that tribe can stand again for the next 50 years. The years can be reduced to a minimum of 30 years.
3. Reduce the presidential and parliamentary term to 4 years from 5
4. Making it law that the president and vice president are never the same gender. So if the president is a man the vice president MUST be a woman.
5. Parliament should be at least 50% women.
6. Punish the crime of rape with castration and enforce the law kabisa. Also enforce the law on wife-beaters and increase the jail term considerably for all men who are involved in any kind of violence against women.
7. Move army headquarters from Nairobi to El-Wak and have strong military presence where it will help most—close to our porous borders where guns and all sorts of harmful things cross into the country at will.
8. Build massive solar and wind powered electricity generation plants in the North Eastern province to help counter the major world energy crisis that is coming.
9. Create massive programs to directly address the idle youth and unemployment. For example food-for-work and higher-education-for-work. This where people work on massive farms and the produce they grow is sold to finance their stay there as they learn how they can be able to sustain themselves as farmers or in small-scale business when they leave the camp and others come in for the same program. Same system can also be used to help the poor access higher education or those who did not make it through the conventional system to have another shot at a professional career.
10. Shift government head offices for everything from Nairobi to Nakuru, Parliament to Kisumu, main State House where cabinet meetings will be held should be Mombasa. Prime Ministers official residence and office should be Nyeri (if we don’t have a PM that is where the VP should operate from.)
11. Make it a criminal offense to discriminate against anybody along tribal or gender lines.
12. Give major tax concessions to businesses that are most active in creating gainful employment.

Gym instructor has his way with attractive young Dubai-based man's girl friend

The Good Thing About Fat Kenyan Donkey MPs.

First of all it's Monday. The number of those nursing alcoholic hangovers is higher than those who remember the exact biblical scripture delivered by the pastor this past Sunday. How about starting the week on a lighter note?

We all begin nursery school with outlandish dreams of becoming the next Bill Gates or Dr. Manu Chandaria. Indeed, only a fraction of us look forward to fitting the shoes of Mahatma Gandhi or Nelson Mandela. By the time you finish high school, the future you have crafted for yourself is usually pretty obvious. You just might be on the fantastic verge of joining Kamangu the cobbler. You might also be a few years from corporate opulence, high society and sausage for breakfast. Those who fall in between will, mostly unsuccessfully, spend their midlife trying to get ahead whichever which way, even if it means backyard chicken farms in the city. The point is, we always aspire to be richer...like so and so. In fact, your worst enemy is that workmate or neighbor who makes a measly 500 Kshs more than you. It's just human nature. You cannot stomach that neighbor with a DVD player; you cannot wait to steal the remote control when you visit..... anything to frustrate him or her is a good thing.

Needless to say, those with money inspire those without. I therefore proclaim fat jet set monied MPs an important source of inspiration to starving villagers and two cent slum dwellers?

FACT: If your MP consistently visits your constituency projects on a donkey drawn cart, none of your nursery school going kids would aspire to ride on anything but a donkey.

The Follies Of Old Leadership

ONLY BRAND NEW LEADERSHIP AND BRAND NEW IDEAS CAN SAVE KENYA

Friday’s formation of the Government’s minimum wage committee was the second strongest signal yet sent to a growing number of right thinking and increasingly concerned Kenyans that the current leadership governing the affairs of the country does not represent the much anticipated change and desired break from the past old school of political thinking.

Are you really serious that we need another committee? What is it going to do other than turn stones that have already been turned in the past in the name of finding out how to improve the welfare of the Kenyan labourer?

The creation of this committee does not in anyway represent the radically different approach to governance Kenyans had hoped this monstrous 42 member “grand” coalition Government would adopt in restoring the dashed hopes many of us still feel after the post elections fiasco and at a time when the worlds problems are knocking on our door in the form of food crisis, soaring fuel prices, housing market collapses and credit crunches

But this is how “old” leadership thinks; instead of commissioning immediate emergency relief assistance to millions of people bearing the brunt of modern life's crisis and the disasters of nature, they assault their citizenry by hitting them over the head with a leadership style that lays the responsibility of progress and survival on anyone but those elected to lead.

In Zimbabwe old architect of past decay President Mugabe is mastering the art of assaulting by leading a dangerous cavalry charge against the clear outspoken will of a whole nation representing the determined voice of an international community unyielding in their wish to see the back of Bob for good.

This is the stigma that old leadership bears with it. Likewise, the time to form committees to address levels of corruption or measure the plight of the Kenyan worker or even air the grievances of prison warders is long over. There is no escaping the need for a embracing a steep reformist agenda-did the leaders we campaigned for in 2007 know the type of leadership we were serious about having in 2008?

ARE WE LOSING OUR WAY AS A NATION

How i long for bygone days when the then enigmatic local government minister late Karisa Maitha would bulldoze his way into a local town council and take immediate action against errant council workers, forcing them to mend their errant ways. During his stint as local government minister he even exorcised the dead in the name of sacking shady ghost employees scourging our local town councils of millions of Kenyan shillings

Even current environment minister John Michuki had his day in the sun when he rectified overnight the anomaly of the matatu menace that sadly returned to plague our roads with a vengeance after his stint at the ministry of transport was over. In 4 years, current transport minister Chirau Mwakwere is yet to accomplish even half of what Michuki did in his tenure

Those of you who are a little older may remember the famous crime buster Shaw now deceased. Here was a man who did not fear to tread where the criminal elements dominated. In his time the criminal elements of our society were shaken to their very core and his methods of operation were known to be effective, evoking fear in the hearts of the criminal underground. Where are such men of leadership and action nowadays?

Where are the men and women who will stem the tidal wave of corruption that is rooted in our systems and institutions? Where are the leaders who will inspire our nation to restore its lost green city in the sun status? Where are the men and women who will show the way when it comes to shunning tribalism?No wonder the whole of Kenya is groaning under a lead weight of hopelessness-we've lost our way and direction as a nation.

If we have lost our way as a nation (we need a path-finding committee to help us find our way (sic)) then now more than ever before we need brand new leadership and brand new ideas to get Kenya back on the right track. Age is but a number, and old dogs can learn new tricks if they want, but complacency and incompetence will not stand.

Time for change was yesterday. Any good new ideas being suggested today must be acted upon immediately and without fear or hesitation. I for one welcome Chris post yesterday "Lies, Lies" check out the comments section which is filled to the brim and overflowing with positive ideas from urxlnc, chris, mrembo, wanjiku, and infinite annons all willing to contribute to making this nation great once more

Luke's Top 4 most popular Kenyan stories on the web right now

1. Lies, Lies

2. Mombasa-not always a clean haven

3. Perils of love reduced to size

4. Why do Kikuyu women have a weakness for Luhya men?

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Lies, Lies

My great concern for the motherland just now is how lies and pure fiction peddled as the truth have dominated and taken over public affairs in the country, even as we hurtle towards the most serious crisis ever seen in these shores since the beginning of life itself.

That crisis, unless checked will include widespread famine, hunger and very hard financial times for ordinary Kenyans.

It is not news to any Kenyan that Dr Alfred Mutua regularly tells lies in public in the name of practicing Public Relations. The training I have in public relations tells me that lies is NOT PR and will always catch up with you sooner rather than later and when it does nothing you do will be effective.

Shortly before the coalition cabinet was announced, Dr Mutua with cameras rolling and a straight face, told us that the extra ministries would definitely not be of budgetary concern. The reason he gave made me double up in stitches of laughter. What made the whole scene so comical is that some reporters (who shall remain nameless) were busy taking down notes and hanging on his every word, looking serious and attentive.

Dr Mutua said that what would happen is that existing departments previously clustered together would be split to create the new ministries and those departments still had their old budgets intact. So the huge cabinet would make very little difference to government expenditure.

Now last week a worried looking Finance Minister, Amos Kimunya admitted that the government was in great difficulty financing its’ expenditure which includes the new colossal cabinet. And as if that was not enough, Baba Jimmy himself, he of duly elected president fame, told angry workers at Uhuru Park that things were “not good” financially in the country. But that was a bitter pill for workers to swallow because the colossal cabinet is a serious cash guzzler and trimming it down to size can go a long way in helping afford salary increments for the lowest cadre of workers who are already going hungry on a regular basis, let alone starting to put aside cash to purchase food to deal with the coming famine. Let us not even talk about subsidizing food prices so that ordinary folk can afford to put food on the table. By the way ask yourself a simple question. If people who have jobs are going hungry, what about the jobless?

On the ground all the signs are there that this government is pretty broke. In fact it is now rather clear that had the Safaricom IPO not happened when it did the chaps at Treasury would be sweating a lot more than they are right now. But one thing I can assure you, they are still already in a cold sweat.

But Dr Alfred Mutua is not the only person in the Kenyan government to peddle lies on a regular basis. Mr Kimunya himself told us shortly before the grand coalition government was unveiled that the country would NOT be affected much by the post election crisis. Again any fool would have realized that the country’s bread basked bore the brunt of the violence, so how could the economy be barely affected? In fact as you read this, there are those who are predicting that the Kenyan economy will never recover in a long time. That is a view that is bound to gather currency in the weeks and months to come.

Then today Police Commissioner Maj Gen Ali came out with both barrels blazingto deny any involvement of the police department in the execution of Mungiki suspects. I am well aware of the sentiments of most readers of this blog who favor extra-judicial killings and believe that it is the only way of dealing with the murderous gang. But surely Kenyans deserve the truth on such a serious matter.

But then all these lies are hardly surprising are they? After all this government is headed by a man who won a single province decisively and lost 6 very decisively and yet insists to this day that he won the presidential elections. Not to mention the lesser liar but nevertheless still a liar in the ODM party which promised a new beginning and swore that they would do things differently and then went and appointed dinosaurs William Ole Ntimama and Fidelis Fred “slapped a woman returning officer” Gumo to the cabinet. Those appointments were a huge statement proving that we were told a lot of lies during the campaign period.

I am not naïve and I know that politicians the world over tell fibs on a regular basis. In fact there are those who define politics as the art of being able to tell lies with a straight face. If this is true then surely there is no hope for Mother Kenya.

Why Kikuyu women have always had a terrible weakness for Luhya men

The Chinese Tourist Dollars – Is Kenya Prepared For Them?

Revival of the tourist industry is in top gear after the blow the sector received from the post election violence that hit the country at the beginning of the year. It seems any paying tourist will do. Kalonzo Musyoka recently tried to woo the tourists from China, and with good reason. With a population of over 1.3 billion people, the Chinese tourist market could be very lucrative. Hitting it may mean hitting some big money. But a few home truths about our future guests is in order especially for hotel operators. It will go a long way in psychologically preparing for them the day they finally arrive.

The Chinese have a unique approach to hygiene, etiquette, and other social graces. A contingent of Chinese guests will bring with it manners never before witnessed in our usually quiet tourist hotels. First of all they travel in large tour package groups. A large group of rude pushy bumpkins can be intimidating even to the most seasoned tour operators and hotel staff. With little regard for such graces as queues, it’s near pandemonium when they descend at the hotel lobby or other business premises like curio shops, all talking loudly at the same time and pointing fingers at attendants.

Loud chattering aside, polishing their shoes with hotel towels and bed linen is not too big a deal to these people. Neither is spitting in hotel rooms and leaving the toilets un-flushed. They’re certainly not thieves but sometimes they feel entitled to take souvenirs like pillows out of the hotel room when they leave. And you know that feeling you get when you try to walk on a perfectly manicured flower bed? That it’s not right? They feel no such thing and will comfortably walk anywhere, all the while spitting on anything and everything. The real bad cases will not hesitate to hock up some disgusting loogey and spit it in the hotel lobby or on the pavements. Mercifully this breed is not too common. At least not as common as the regular spitters – not that the regulars are any pleasant either.

It is said that the Chinese tourist packs enough instant noodles and dried fruits to last their whole stay. The only thing they will ever require from the hotel in terms of feeding is hot water in which to soak their meals. And you can’t charge guests for water now can you? So hotels don’t count on the thousands of shillings you make from the strange names on your menu. Just bed occupancy. But they will visit the dining room occasionally and display their characteristic slurping around of food. Don’t be surprised if they come in there in their pyjamas. Or stripped to the waist.

And you may not want to admonish them for all these. Irk them enough and they could stage a noisy sit in at the hotel lobby and belt out their national anthem. That’s the Chinese tourist for you.

China knows about this dubious reputation and they’re not taking it lying down. They have tried running campaigns to educate the population in etiquette and good public manners via state run news agency Xinhua. With a population as huge as they have, it may take some time for the results of this campaign to be seen.

Nairobi woman paid man to sire child for her

Jeers At Uhuru Park For Kibaki A Mere Sign Of Things To Come

For the first time in the history of the motherland a sitting President of the Republic of Kenya was booed and jeered loudly at a public function! Yesterday, during the Labour Day celebrations President Kibaki was on the receiving end of loud jeers and grumbling, even as some wananchi walked away throwing their arms angrily in the air at him.

Trouble started when the President tried to explain to the people why announcing a salary increment for those in the minimum wage bracket would be impossible. He was reacting to loud calls from the crowd at the end of his speech, that he say something about minimum wages. It was too much for the crowd to take and loud voices of discord and grumbling echoed Uhuru Park where the function was being held. In my view this was but a minor sign of terrible things to come.

It is one thing to steal an election but it is quite another to handle some rather unique problems now emerging that are just crying out for a fresh pair of legs (see the latest raw notes to find out the evidence that the NSIS has which proves that President Kibaki did NOT win the elections).

The President quite rightly explained why considering the current situation in the country, it was impossible for the government to raise the minimum wages. Excellent economics but poor politics. Later the Labour Minister John Munyes, obviously under instructions from the President called a press conference to announce that the government will be naming a committee today to look into the issue of minimum wages in the country (an old trick to deal with a deadly new unique problem).

Actually the whole problem is much more serious than most people realize. As you read this, the world is on the verge of what will perhaps be the biggest crisis ever witnessed for many decades. World food prices are dangerously spiraling out of control and experts predict that within the next 6 months prices will multiply many times upwards. In Kenya's case , things have been made a lot worse by the crisis created by post election violence. That puts the country in very grave danger. Indeed even before the worldwide food crisis had emerged, experts were already warning of looming famine in the country. This is a problem that has the capability of wiping out the current government and crop of politicians from existence.

When you consider the fact that we have already seen serious food riots in many nations across the world ranging from Cameroon to distant Haiti, then you will swiftly realize that the grumblings heard at Uhuru Park yesterday were a mere symptom. This is one lesson retired President Moi knew very well. And that is you can govern the masses and use all sorts of tactics to get away with stuff, but hungry people are deadly, unpredictable and totally ungovernable. Just try and go hungry yourself for a few days and see what happens. Studies have shown that humans become nothing short of animals when threatened by hunger and indeed there are many tales of humans turned into cannibals by hunger right down history. And by the way the last thing you want to do is deal with force (as the Kibaki regime loves to do at the least excuse) with hungry people.

Interestingly, this is one lesson President Mugabe of Zimbabwe is bound to learn a little late in the day. The official results clearly show that there is need for a re-run of the presidential elections in that country. The thing which will continue to puzzle Mugabe for many years is how a President who has distributed land to tens of thousands of peasants can lose an election. The answer is pretty simple. The people of Zimbabwe are going hungry!

Clearly this is one challenge that the current crop of dinosaur-age politicians are ill equipped to handle as the idea of the formation of the minimum wage committee clearly shows in a country where there are way too many committees who come up with recommendations that are neatly filed away and continue to gather dust only for the next administration to form more committees to duplicate the same reports already gathering dust in government archives.

P.S. Yet another crisis is looming in the near horizon as the government started a forceful re-settlement of IDP’s in the Rift Valley this morning. The operation is being handled by the largest police operation in the history of the country. The idea is to re-settle people under heavy police guard. Chances are high that this could trigger fresh violence because many members of the Kalenjin community who took over farms from IDPs have already planted and it will be interesting to see if they will just quietly and meekly walk away from it all. Rift Valley MPs have clearly protested any plan to quickly re-settle IDPs without thoroughly looking into the underlying root problems of the crisis in the first place.

Chris

Angry husband allows wife to keep boyfriend- the conclusion

Mungiki Going For Raila Head

Central Province leaders are cleverly scheming to use the Mungiki menace enable Raila make his own political noose. Unless the Prime Minister knows something that ordinary Kenyans are not privy too, Njenja Karume and co are cleverly hiding under Raila’s pragmatic and proactive suggestion to engage the Mungiki militia in dialogue to cleanse their bloodied trails.

PNU is rediscovering its DECEPTIVE traits by pretending to hail the gesture to talk to Mungiki knowing very well they are the PRINCIPAL financiers and beneficiaries of the murderous edifice. True to their characteristic these chaps are more than willing to export their local problems to the rest of Kenya when it suits them most. Their script is so predictable so much so that you need not think very hard to see them eventually turning around demonizing their subject of collective hate when crunch time beckons.

Mungiki has equally perfected DECEPTION and taken it to new level in pulling wool on our eyes when they shamelessly claim to have supported and voted for ODM. And the lies don’t stop there. Maina Njenja takes it a notch higher by rubbing it in that by extension Mungiki considers itself as part of the coalition government. So we must assume that those foul-mouthed gangs led by Ndura Waruinge in the streets of Nairobi in support of Kibaki during the post elections violence were aliens from Mars.

Clever political extermination
Politics of DECEPTION as personified by Kibaki has been exposed for what it is and only his cronies continue flying the kite. Reminds you of the script to make Kenyans believe the mirage of 6% that never was or singing themselves hoarse being proud Kenyans. Raila must be very careful in his attempts to cultivate a national and reconciliatory personality given the people he is dealing with. Raila is one person the Kikuyu political elite will not forgive in a hurry and any they will manipulate any opportunity to EXTERMINATE HIM POLITICALLY.

Raila must be EXTREMELY CAREFUL in dealing with Mungiki. This is one multi-headed hydra which will promptly mutate to consume him. Mungiki's oath lies elsewhere and their objective of TRIBAL SUPREMACY and PURITY have no place for other Kenyans outside Central province and Kikuyu Diaspora. It defeats the tenets of basic political logic why Raila would want to prove to be a hero while REAL Mungiki principals and beneficiaries Uhuru and Kibaki are selfishly guarding their counsel.

Raila and ODM by extension stand to lose badly. At best many ODM supporters will be left confused at the thought of embracing this Kenyan mafia. ODM stands the risk of losing the heart and minds of civilized Kenyans who will readily distance themselves from anybody or organization seen to be pandering to BEASTS who specialize in skinning heads of toddlers in the 21st Century.

Moody Awori Snubs Kalonzo Committee

Samuel Kivuitu continues to provoke Kenyans says ECK is ready to run byelections

Former Vice President Moody Awori knows a lot about the prisons department, after all it was his pet project during his tenure as the second highest authority in the land.

In declining his appointment today by new VP Kalonzo Musyoka to chair a committee to look into the Prisons crisis, the former VP made it very clear that there was no need for such a committee. He pointed out that a detailed strategic report was already available that addressed virtually all the grievances of the prison wardens and all that is required urgently is implementation.

This is the second person in as many days to decline to take their seats in Kalonzo Musyoka's committee. Just yesterday former Prisons boss Abraham Kamakil also politely refused to take up his appointment to the Kalonzo probe team.

It is amazing how a presidential candidate of the recently concluded general election who had promised the people change and new leadership is falling back on old and tired ways of dealing with problems which will surely not work this time. (See my raw notes this week to discover some shocking facts from Kalonzo Musyoka's past and present).

The whole strategy behind these committees and commissions of enquiries has been to reward a politician's croonies with plum jobs at the expense of the tax payer. So despite the fact that Moody Awori produced a strategic plan, it seems that Kalonzo's committee will repeat the task and his predecessor too, while no action at all is taken.

However if this is what Kalonzo has in mind, he had better think again, because the wardens are serious and their plight needs to be addressed and addressed immediately, forming committees to tell the minister the obvious is just a waste of public funds.

As this blogger has said here before, this is clearly a problem that the VP is not capable of handling and this is becoming clearer by the day. The sad thing now is that the country may end up being thrown into yet another serious crisis by the time Kalonzo's blundering hand is through with this.

Angry husband allows wife to keep boyfriend

Kivuitu’s ECK All Set to Conduct By-Elections

The ECK has finally announced that by-elections will be conducted in five constituencies and 55 wards civic wards on June 11th 2008. The constituencies are: Ainamoi, Emuhaya, Embakasi, Wajir East and Kilgoris.

No, no, you’re not imagining things. Oh yes, the one and only Samuel Kivuitu, Kihara Muttu, Muturi Kigano and the rest of the crowd, are all set to supervise elections in June, just six months after bungling the general elections!

With the country deeply divided, upwards of 1500 Kenyans dead; more than half a million others living as refugees in their own country and the constitution having had to be amended so as to accommodate a power sharing deal, one would imagine that the individuals responsible for this unfortunate turn of events would be sitting at a remand jail awaiting to be taken to court to face criminal negligence charges. And how WRONG one would be.

Sure, there are some positive things that have arisen out of Kivuitu’s massive cock-up, but the negative aspects far outweigh them. The 2007 election failure impacted on many lives, affected businesses, disrupted education and agriculture plus much more, not just in Kenya, but throughout the Eastern African region. Yet, the clumsy and inept ECK commissioners who are 100% responsible for this tragedy still sit pretty in their red carpet aircon offices enjoying hefty emoluments on tax payer account. All this while thousands of Kenyans mourn their dead relatives and many others sleep in rain soaked tents. What an insult!

Out of step with the real world

Admittedly, there is urgent need for constituencies without MPs to get representation in parliament. But should current ECK commissioners, now hiding behind constitutional security of tenure, be allowed to oversee by-elections, let alone hold public offices? Personally, recalling events at KICC in December 2007 and Kivuitu’s arrogant attitude ever since, I wouldn’t trust any of those ECK commissioners to serve as members of a village borehole committee.

Flashback: Towards the doomsday

It would seem that Kivuitu’s fate and that of his fellow commissioners lie in the hands of Mwai Kibaki as president. The ECK is governed by Chapter 41 of the Constitution of Kenya which inter-alia says: “....... 5) A member of the Commission may be removed from office only for inability to exercise the functions of his office (whether arising from infirmity of body or mind or from any other cause) or for misbehavior, and shall not be so removed except in accordance with this section.
(6) A member of the Commission shall be removed from office by the President if the question of his removal from office has been referred to a tribunal appointed under subsection (7) and the tribunal has recommended to the President that he ought to be removed from office for inability as aforesaid or for misbehavior.
(7) If the President considers that the question of removing a member of the Commission under this section ought to be investigated, then—
(a) the President shall appoint a tribunal, which shall consist of a chairman and four other members selected by the President........” The big question is whether the president will listen to the voices of reason and appoint the tribunal. Highly unlikely!

The Independent Review Commission headed by Justice Johann Kriegler set up to investigate general elections fiasco will hold countrywide meetings to gather evidence and has given interest groups up to 16th May to submit their written memoranda.

The influential Kenya National Commission on Human Rights Chairman, Mr Maina Kiai, has called for the Kenya Government to seek assistance from the United Nations Electoral Assistance Division (UNEAD) to oversee the by-elections. Maina reckons that the fact that there is an official inquiry into the conduct of the ECK is enough reason to ask for international assistance. He adds that the ECK lost credibility and integrity to conduct other elections after they messed up last year's polls.

On their part, the Secretary General of the Council of Imams and Preachers of Kenya Sheikh Mohammed Dor has said that the Government ought to abolish the ECK and create a new representative commission so as to ensure free and fair elections.

Safina Party Leader and former Kikuyu MP Mr Paul Muite has also called for the reconstitution of the ECK before the June by-elections. Muite said it would be unacceptable for the ECK as currently constituted to run the repeat polls. "A majority of the commissioners are partisan, having being handpicked by one side of the political divide. Elections are like justice - they must not only be free and fair, but they must also be perceived to have been free and fair," said Muite. Instead, he urged for "an urgent constitutional amendment" to be fast-tracked in Parliament to put in place a professional ECK to conduct all future elections. Muite is foreseeing violent protests ahead citing Embakasi constituency which has the potential to easily become a flashpoint constituency to trigger off fresh violence if the outcome of the repeat polls was disputed.

It might be recalled that the European Union (EU), the Commonwealth and the African Union election observers all condemned the ECK saying that it failed to meet "international standards of transparency in key areas of its mandate".

All the international observer reports recommended that ECK be completely overhauled to build confidence in its independence and professionalism and also to ensure that it is credible, transparent and impartial.

I can only see more trouble for this country if the ECK, as currently constituted, goes ahead to oversee the by-elections in June.


Mombasa businessman faces the wrath of a stripper