Surprise Surprise: 20 bob Airtime Slows Down Sales Of Other Consumer Products

Even as Safaricom is being used as a pawn in a major power game being played by the duly elected government of Kenya and the PNU party, there are some rather fascinating developments taking place on the ground that have nothing to do with the IPO but are equally captivating.

Many Kenyans from the diaspora, due to their privileged upbringing find it extremely difficult to identify with the common man on the street and in the villages. For that reason this article may appear to be a little strange to them.

My sources on the ground indicate that some shop keepers are lamenting that their sales of soft drinks and sodas have dwindled considerably since the launch of the tiny Kshs 20 airtime card. One shopkeeper in a rural center in Kenya told Kumekucha that last weekend, a generous local personality visiting the village bought sodas for about a dozen people he had met at the shopping centre. A bottle of soda costs Kshs 20 which is exactly the same price as that of “Bamba Mbao” as the new Safaricom scratch card is fondly referred to by poverty stricken Kenyans. About half the people opted to take Safaricom scratch cards rather than drink the sodas.

If this is a sign of things to come then we can expect the lowest denomination card to raise turnover for Safaricom considerably at the expense of other consumer products like a bottle of Coca Cola. It will be interesting to see how the giant world renowned soft drink manufacturer will respond to this latest threat in the local market.
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How safe is Safaricom or Celtel if you’re a political activist? Do the security agencies listen in? I discuss this issue in my raw notes including something you must know about how local intelligence units usually listens in on cell phone conversations. Find out how to get my raw notes today.

Strange Somali truck driver who played peculiar games with private parts

Mugabe to Step Down, Mbeki Saves Zimbabwe

Following defeat in last weekend’s general election, President Mugabe is set to step down before the MDC opposition chief Morgan Tsvangirai is formally declared winner by Zimbabwe’s electoral commission (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/ 7325286.stm). Predictably Mugabe is playing tough and using cronies to deny any deal and whether he will accept defeat is anybody's guess.

After playing delaying tactics in which he ordered ZEC to announce piecemeal neck-to-neck presidential votes’ results to stem celebrations and conflicts, President Mbeki has finally convinced Mugabe to step aside after the electoral humiliation. Mbeki’s prompt action in chairing a meeting with Mugabe’s advisers, military chiefs and the opposition leaders has saved Zimbabwe from going the Kenyan way.

Political dinosaurs
And that marks the political demise of another dinosaur. It only a matter of time before Africa gets rid of all despots who rape their countries I the misplaced belief that they fought for independence and ruling is a right by any means. Poor Tsvangirai has eventually realized his long fought dream. But the basket case country he inherits will challenge his capabilities to the hilt.

Poor Mugabe! The old man should have seen it coming were it not for his selfish cronies and so-called veterans who blinded him from reality. He didn’t have to wait for such an unceremonious exit. But again that is the language dictators know best. Following the collapse of the Berlin wall 20 years ago, Africa is on a swing to rid herself this decade of all despots.

Update 1:
Meanwhile minister for information has denied existence of any deal. Similarly the MDC has refuted reports of entering in any deal before ZEC announces official results. Exuding confidence demands to know from who has won. Well, the denial ritual sounds so familiar. All the speculation indicates something is cooking. It won't be long though before the truth comes out.

Meanwhile releasing results showing close contest sounds so Kenyaish. Birds of a feather or age mates sharing inverted wisdom?

The Real Face Of The IDP Problem In Kenya

Last night I went to bed a very sad woman after watching a special presentation on IDPs on TV. I won’t say I was shocked at the fact that there are IDPs in Kenya, but I will say I was disturbed at the stories they had to tell. For the most part we talk of them as a group. As the aftermath of a bungled election. It’s when their personal stories are brought to the fore that it really hits home. Kenyans are suffering big time. Their tired haunted faces are evidence of the trauma they have gone through after voting for leaders who are now too warped in power games to engage in any thoughtful reflection of their plight. The heavens have finally opened and the camps are cold, wet and damp. The ladies are lacking the much needed privacy that every woman needs sometimes. And let’s not forget the couples who crave a few moments of privacy for obvious reasons. This crucial God given part of their lives is virtually no more – at least for now. And as if that is not enough, in some camps the dark cloud of possible forceful eviction hangs over their heads every time of day.

Teresiah Wairimu had managed to rebuild her life in Burnt forest after her property was destroyed in the 1992 tribal clashes. Now she’s living in Kirathimo camp in Limuru and has lost track of her daughter and 2 grand children. She remembers painfully her house, sheep, cattle and all the other farming activities she undertook and that meant so much to her. She doubts that she can go back to Burnt Forest to risk a third round.

Kioko grew up in Mathare and knows no other home. He was the breadwinner and used to pay rent for his mother and school fees for his younger sister. During the post election violence, everything he owned was destroyed and his one hand was chopped off. His mother and sister now live in an IDP camp and the hitherto able bodied and hard working young man now looks up to friends for shelter and upkeep.

There was a lady whose name I didn’t quite get. She had built a life for herself and her children in Naivasha. After the violence she went back to her ancestral home in Siaya. She cannot go back to Naivasha since everything she owned was burned to the ground. She recently lost her last born daughter to pneumonia. She and the rest of her children are unwell too.

This is not to take you on a guilt trip for having 3 square meals a day and sleeping on a comfortable bed, but rather to highlight the suffering that our fellow Kenyans are going through. The hope they felt when the peace deal was signed on February, 28^th is turning into frustration as it slowly hits home that the deal was about political maneuvering and lust for power and money. The possibility of going back home further dwindled with reports that leaflets are already circulating in some areas warning them against it. As Chris says, some of the farms already have new owners as witnessed by the young boy who sneaked out of a camp in Eldoret to go and fetch his beloved bicycle. Their worst fear is that in the new found peace, the momentum will slow and they’ll be forgotten as soon as they’re given iron sheets and nails.

It is not all doom and gloom though. Some people have gone back to their homes to start rebuilding afresh. Artists in Kibera are using their painting talents to preach messages of peace, love and brotherhood. Nakuru residents declared that they’re ready to accommodate everyone regardless of tribe, and help them rebuild their lives. There are individuals like Mary Chepkwony, popularly known as Mama Amani in her area, who along with fellow women is spearheading peace and reconciliation initiatives her own small way. Thousands more Kenyans are making small efforts. Anything anyone does will not be in vain. It will all add up to the bigger picture.

The Red Cross and other groups can only do so much. We need to keep the accelerator jammed to the floor and step up the pressure on the government until the very last one of them is resettled. As much as patience is also a form of action, it can only stretch so far.

Kumekucha is very jealous, why is everybody talking about the hottest new gossip site ever seen run by some lady called Joan? Joan kitu gani? Rumour even has it that it has overtaken Kumekucha in terms of traffic. But that is impossible? How?!! It is only 4 days old. HOW?? Check it out for yourself HERE.

P.S. But please come back and keep it Kumekucha.

Lean Cabinet, Dream Team PS Naikuni Back

Poor Muthaura! The old man must be nursing the kicks of a thankless donkey after soiling his hands doing all the dirty sectarian work of hardliners only to be booted out so unceremoniously. While his unsolicited clarifications on hierarchy must have sounded sonorous to his ears, he never lived long enough to thumb his ‘I said so’ chest. Well, Naikuni deserves all the appointment as the new secretary to the cabinet. He has a record that speaks for itself and is no stranger to the government having served as part of Leakey’s dream team that never slept to have any trace of dreaming.

The lean cabinet of 25 must be what the political doctor ordered for ailing Kenya. PM Raila must now move with speed to earn the trust and confidence of his two deputies, Martha Karua and Musalia Mudavadi.With the cabinet formed, the power-sharing must begin in earnest to bear fruits in delivering services to Kenya and her people. The final meeting to mint this compromise cabinet between Kibaki and Raila must have been hot. But thank goodness they both saw the big picture and shoved aside the political baggage that is cronies. But above all else Kalonzo must be the BIGGEST winner in the resulting political pecking order.

Butchered political ego
Martha Karua’s elevation to DPM position open the floodgates and jostling for Kibaki succession. Kalonzo may sit pretty in the knowledge that he will have Iron Lady’s backing together with the GEMA block votes. But politics being no game where only interests remain permanent, the dynamics may prove that theory dead wrong. Karua may spring a surprise by raising the stakes when she goes for the presidency come 2012.

While the give and take must have definitely butchered Uhuru Kenyatta’s political ego, it may have just opened another round of political realignment with potentially new dynamics. Kanu must retrace her steps and will of necessity re-evaluate her stay within PNU. Whether Uhuru and Kanu fast-tracked their political sell-by dates only time will tell.

Meanwhile Raila has his job cut well out for him. Depending on his actions and intention, he will go down in Kenya’s history either as the messiah his supporters paraded him to be or the wreck his detractors wanted to paint him as. He has less than 1000 days to make of write his political appendix. Will he measure or bungle the opportunity up? Kazi ianze sasa na iendelee, take your pick. One love one country.

Is Peace Guaranteed The Way Our Leaders Are Behaving?

Kenyan politics (if you call it that) is crazy these days.

A few days ago I heard somebody saying that President Kibaki signed the peace accord ONLY to cool off things enough for the Safaricom IPO to happen. I never believed that porojo for a minute then. But now my position has changed and I am no longer too sure. One just needs to analyze carefully what is going on in the country.

But this issue of the IPO in relation to the still-to-be-named coalition government raises a very fundamental question which every Kenyan needs to ask themselves;

Is it safe to buy shares when Kenya’s future peace and stability is not guaranteed?

Surely the current behaviour of PNU and president Kibaki leaves a lot to be desired. It is becoming increasingly clear that they are bent on frustrating the law that they are so fond of talking about and insisting that it must be followed to the letter.

Today the media announced that the President had a cabinet meeting. Now how is that possible under the current law of the land? The Prime Minister was not there and neither was any ODMer. This is the clearest sign yet that as we enter this April fool’s day, the “prank” is on Kenyan people.

It is also probably instructive that the Safaricom IPO was launched a few days to April Fool’s day. And it is even more hilarious that as tensions build in the country over the fact that a full cabinet is yet to be named, going on to the fourth months after the polls, some Kenyans are lining up to purchase Safaricom shares. But alas it is their money.

Not that Raila Odinga is much better off. The kind of acrobatics he has done over the Safaricom IPO is crazy and leaves many questions hanging in the air. But even more worrying is the company that the prime minister designate keeps these days. I shall say more about this in my next post, later today when I have gathered all the information and evidence I need.

Then there is the fact that ODM want a cabinet of 34 and in the view of the party, this is a cabinet that is lean enough. The truth is that in comparison to PNU’s 44 it is smaller but only slightly so.

If this coalition government is going to be named at all then not more than 20 ministers should be in it. In fact we do not even need assistant ministers. To do what?

But much more worrying to me today as I write this post, is the ticking time bomb that everybody is ignoring. I am of course talking about the IDP’s. Those poor Kenyans who through no fault of their own are now sleeping in the rain with their children. Already some kids have died from the cold of ailments like pneumonia.

Eldoret Stadium is the largest camp and a young boy who sneaked out of the camp yesterday and went to what he used to call home to fetch his bicycle, came back with a scary tale. He said that their farm had been occupied and that people were cultivating and planting crops. Do you have any idea what this means? They of course warned him never to return.

That’s Kenya for you. When tensions over land are being heightened, President Kibaki is still playing political chess while Raila Odinga prefers musical chairs where his position over an important national matter keeps changing every day.

And amid all that people are lining up for Safaricom shares as others get emotional arguing whether it is a wise thing or not to buy the shares, and their fight is taking place right here on Kumekucha.

As my former boss used to say in sarcastic wonder and amazement when people don’t seem to know what they are doing; WOW….

How a mere Mini Skirt can get you a high profile job

April First’s Here

Tomorrow is April fools day. Many people are going to be lied to, cheated and duped without having an inkling of what’s going on.
Some newspapers and other media outlets will go an extra mile to come up with ‘shocker’ stories, scintillating headlines and lead stories (that they will call April fools stories on 2nd of April!).

I remember, when I was in high school, some fourth form students played an Aprils fools trick on first formers that literally (nay!) broke my ribs. I laughed myself hoarse. (Form one students used to be called MONOS in some other schools but we used to call them RABBLES at Starehe).

The rabbles were woken up very early that Saturday April First by the form fours. They were told, categorically, that they were to take their mattresses to the school laundry for washing (oh, save me the…!).

In their naivety, they took up their mattresses and bounded towards the school laundry. It was a sight to behold! Mattresses of all colours and sizes could be seen gracing the ‘air’ of the school. Poor boys! They didn’t even realise that they were playing the ‘lead roles’ in the comedy that was being produced by the form four students!!

The laundry man (a Mr. Mugendi), on seeing the sea of humanity bounding towards the laundry building (with mattresses in the air), just shook his head not knowing what to think. He stood at the door and waited for the ‘gullible guys’. When they got to where he was, they set their mattresses down and waited to be told what to do ‘next’.

“We have brought the mattresses,” they said. Mr. Mugendi just looked at them and asked to know the whys and wherefores. On hearing the reason why they had brought their mattresses, he burst into a long, raucous and guttural laughter.

“My boys, it is April fools day. They have made fools of you. We don’t launder mattresses here. I don’t think you do that at your homes, either. Or do you?”

With egg on their faces, the rabbles took up their ‘belongings’ and trudged back to their dorms vowing in their hearts that they would pull someone’s leg come next April fools.

Be careful that no one pulls your leg tomorrow, won’t you?

Can You Work Out These Puzzles?

SafariCON IPO - Very Interesting

GUEST POST by Anonymous

Just got a call from my friends telling me about the on-going great Safaricom IPO. The Safaricom IPO is running from March 28th to April 26th with 10 billion shares for sale.

Wow. Did someone say 10 billion shares? So if it is true that Safaricom will be selling 25% of it's shares then Safaricom has in total of about 40 billion shares. I know that those figures are wrong. GM the biggest company in the USA has a market cap of 11.5 billion. Safaricom has a market cap of 40 billion. I might be seeing double. If I am wrong please correct me. That was enough to make me interested in this IPO.

1. Buy Safaricom on Monday sell it on Monday

That is the story I have been told that most Kenyans are telling me that they will do. That is not investing. That is what we call gambling. As we all know the house always wins with gamblers.

The first rule in investing in anything is. If you won't own a business for 10 years, don't even think about owning it for 10 minutes. So my friends and family are already disqualified from buying this stocks.They have no intention of even looking at the books of this company.More than a third of the people buying this shares have no intention of keeping it past Tuesday.So why not wait until the real investors are in the company instead of a bunch of gamblers?

2. Why is Safaricom selling?

If the company is so profitable, why have they been trying to get rid of it for so long? They say the Kenyan government is trying to offload Safaricom shares. If you believe the Kenyan government is an angel that really cares about Kenyans, then think again. These are the questions I asked myself:

1. Who exactly is the government. Is it ODM or PNU or both?
2. Is there another party in this so called government we do not know about? We all know some people will have kickbacks etc in the so called government.
3. The first time I heard about this issue, it was vodafone that was selling 6% of it's holding, what changed?
   

4. Why was ODM against it, before he became for it? Did they just find Jesus when Raila was made PM?
The first rule of in making money in an IPO is that if the main reason to sell is to give venture capitalists their money back, you have a 70% chance of losing. Safaricom does not want to sell shares to buy the latest technology etc, they want us to pay some other entity money. That is not very smart investing.

3. Safaricom numbers don't add up

If it don't fit ,you must acquit. So said Johnny Cochran. In my case the numbers are just mind boggling for this IPO. There are going to be 10 billion shares at ksh 5. So for a one month period, the Kenyan stockbrokers will have 50 billion in their coffers. At say 2% broker commission, the kenyan stockbrokers will have over 1 billion in their accounts. If there any stock brokers in the Kenyan stock exchange, buy them instead. Here is where it becomes interesting. Some people are expecting those shares to do to 10ksh on day 2. So technically ,the Kenyan market will have 100 billion ksh in a period of 2 days to invest in Safaricom. Do you really believe that? The Kenyan GDP in 2007 was 58 billion. Did someone say over subscription, I will say bubble.

4. Safaricom Growth

I have been told that Safaricom revenues will continue to grow. Maybe, but that is the real reason that someone somewhere is selling. Growth of over 50% in any company in consecutive years just spells bubble.

No company on this earth leave alone an economy can grow at those levels unless someone is cooking the books or it's a totally different product that no one has ever seen. It could also be a monopoly, but I heard that more cell phone providers are about to be licensed and the Internet cable is coming soon. Safaricom can not and will not be able to sustain such growth. So the next time you see their balance sheet, you will note that their level of growth has started to drop.

5. Company Management

If you want to make money in any IPO, the management team is very important. I hear that the current GM is leaving soon. Why? Who is taking his place? And who are these Safaricom management team?

I called my so called Kenyan Broker and he could not even tell me who the directors of this company are and the top management team including their company secretary. If my own broker does not know who runs this company and how long the team will be there, why should I put my money in such.

Maybe I got the wrong broker. I might just be negative about Kenyan business in general but the numbers for this IPO, are just too hard for me to swallow that they are kosher.

I will try and get the Safaricom books and comb their accounts. I haven't done P/E's, EPS, and their debt ratios. However, I am not buying it, you should do that on your own.

Crazy confessions of what a campus lady student did under the seats at Kenya Cinema

Political Semantics of Lean and Clean Cabinet

The national anxiety following failure to name a cabinet in the last week continues to produce interesting speculations. While ODM thought that it was pedalling MV moral in demanding LEAN cabinet, ingenious PNU is wondering why truncate C. PNU have thrown spanner into the works by counter-demanding a CLEAN cabinet.

No price for guessing whom PNU has their political guns blazing at. Trust Kenyan politicians to win with all letter permutations in service of expediency. They are simply playing clever deluding themselves that we ordinary mortals cannot see through their cheap schemes.

You cannot have your political cake and eat it. While ODM calculates to stealthily win the moral ground on numbers, PNU knows which card to knock for a guaranteed fall out in the opposite camp. In the process we remain the pawn shouting ourselves hoarse at their antics with the IDPs stopping harsh elements of the weather in their tattered tents. We are truly a man-eat-man society bereft of neither human feelings nor national priority.

Political jokers and forked lips
Ours is a country teaming with calculating politicians who speak with both sides of their mouths to give objective impressions than thinly masks their selfish intentions. If its not tribal balance clothed in politically correct term of face of Kenya, they readily revert to selective affirmative action. The so-called youth are no better. They have learnt fast when to use the tag for expediency too like when Ms Cecily Mbarire and her ilk want to call attention to their relevance in the
political pecking order.

Our shameless leaders take us for a mass of dunderheads. Annan had deal directly with Kibaki and Raila to get results after kicking out political gatekeepers. So who does Mutula Kilonzo thinks he is fooling by suggesting that the same mistrusting mediation team has the capacity to form a cabinet?
Kenya has degenerated into a country led by political jokers. The ensuing theatre of absurd leaves the abrasive and straight-talking COTU boss Francis Atwoli looking like an angel. He has promised to have the so-called two principals agree on a cabinet in less than three hours. His mediation offer will predictably be treated with utter contempt.

Kenya's key leaders are permanently held hostage by sectarian interests. These evil forces continuously pull in different direction and none of them is meant to benefit the country or its people. A nation whose leaders perennially fail to agree on anything is a geographical entity precariously held by threads of mistrust that will definitely snap at the slightest opportunity. It is simply a matter of when and not if.

Confusion Within ODM As Ruto Calls For Fresh Elections

There has never been as much tension as what has been witnessed within inner ODM circles this weekend. Actually tension and lots of confusion.

The clearest sign was the fact that for the first time William Ruto seemed to sing a very different song from that of his boss Raila Odinga.

Raila spoke in Nairobi yesterday and told legislators at a meeting that Kenyans should be patient and give both him and the President a little more time to resolve the current impasse over the naming of the coalition cabinet.

Ruto speaking in Eldoret sounded extremely impatient and said bluntly that if PNU did not want to share government then they should say so early enough and prepare themselves for another general election. This statement has already caused a lot of discomfort from the Safaricom-government-inner circle-IPO-busy PNU lot.

Still, some very disturbing reports reaching me indicate that there is deep division within ODM that has been triggered off by the issue of Safaricom shares. For now the prominent names said to be still backing Raila to the hilt on his decision to ask Kenyans to buy Safaricom shares after all promising that irregularities will be sorted out later, was Hon Musalia Mudavadi and Hon Dalmas Otieno.

Prof Anyang Nyong’o and virtually all other party big wigs are deeply disturbed by the double speak that has been coming from the party over the last few days. Probably the greatest embarrassment was the fact that ODM announced mass action to protest the sale of Safaricom shares one day and then the very next day Raila Odinga himself came out and said the very opposite thing, asking Kenyans to buy.

Many ODM activists have tried to explain away this strange behavior but the truth is that no explanation will wash. More so when there is so much “Asian presence” within ODM high circles at the moment. The clear sign is that some people are chasing business deals which naturally deeply annoys some ODM members who understand the expectations that the public are placing on this political party in most of the country and especially in six of the eight provinces in the country.

Impeccable sources also tell me now that the situation in relation to foreign powers has turned out to be very fluid indeed. While the Americans are smiling and still promising Raila sweet nothings, the truth is that they are no longer with the ODM leader and there is even talk now of Colin Bruce, the disgraced World Bank country leader returning to Nairobi.

By the way in his remarks Ruto also warned against arrests over the post election skirmishes demanding justice for all rather than the selective justice we have always seen in Kenya. He wondered why those who threw stones should be arrested when those who shot and killed Kenyans are going Scot free.

The whole political situation at the moment is way too fluid and things should become clearer I the coming week. As always I will keep you posted guys, but it is not looking good at all…

Another Fascinating article spotted by Kumekucha

Nairobi Female Bank Manager Sacked For Promiscuity

Zimbabwe Opposition Claim Early Win, Will Mugabe Do a Kibaki?

Reuters (http://www.reuters.com/article/latestCrisis/idUSL30571558) has reported Zimbabwe opposition claiming victory following early elections results. That announcement is like Kenyan record being played in Harare. Zimbabwean opposition must have learned first hand from Kenya the FALLACY of waiting for official results.

The Kenyan script has been shipped to Zimbabwe and the actors are similar yet different. Police chief in Zimbabwe had acquired his briefing from our own Major Ali by banning any celebrations and protests. Even Zimbabwe government mouthpiece The Sunday Mail has outdone itself by insinuating that MDC's victory claim is akin to Tsvangirai declaring himself president which is a coup d'etat warranting the ultimate punishment.

Predictably Mugabe will do a Kibaki on Zimbabweans by claiming a landslide victory and speedy SUNSET swearing thereafter. The infant Kenyan history made less than 100 days ago is repeating itself in Harare at lightening speed. The hitherto bread basket on southern Africa is spiralling into a desperate bread case. One thing is for sure: MUGABE IS IN GOOD COMPANY. And as per the script comrade Bob is not leaving anything to chance. He has plenty of fellow dinosaur peers to consult and emulate. The days ahead are interesting for Zimbabwe, Africa and world at large.


UPDATE 1:
24 hours after the polls closed no result has been announced and observers warn of unrest arising from the ensuing anxiety. Meanwhile neighbouring countries including South Africa, Mozambique and Zambia are closing their borders and Zimbabwe citizens have started stocking foodstuffs while hundreds are deserting cities to SAFER AREAS. All these developments sound so near and with us at home yet so far. Even the Zimbabwean clone of Kivuitu has said the results may take SOME DAYS to be released.

UPDATE 2
Fearing unrest, Mugabe's government has deployed riot police and other security forces in Harare which is traditionally an opposition base. In previous election, results were announced after tallying at the districts but not any more this year. This has sparked founded speculations from opposition supporters that mischief (read TOP-UP) is afoot.

Hearty Laughs All Round As Ordinary Kenyans Bleed

Make Sure You Visit The Hottest Kenyan gossip blog around. Find out why everybody is talking about it
Remember it is part of Kumekucha

The story of Kenya is really sad. Even as hundreds of ordinary folks lined up to start purchasing Safaricom shares yesterday, hoping to make a quick killing, details emerged that may not be such good news for them.

The privileged in Kenyan society are also not aware or have chosen to completely ignore the great suffering going on amongst many ordinary Kenyans that has been directly caused by insensitivity from the government. I have in mind the IDP camps where since the long rains started pounding down last week, life is rapidly becoming unbearable. It is obvious that we will soon hear of deaths in these camps as a result of young children being exposed to the cold and rain. But alas the government’s energies are at the moment fully concentrated on IPOs and ensuring that the Safaricom one is a huge success at all costs, ordinary mwananchi kitu gani?.

Secondly the campaign by Local government minister Uhuru Kenyatta (who has never used public transport in his life) to keep Matatus out of the CBD has caused a lot of suffering amongst ordinary Kenyans, more so as the city is experiencing a lot of rain these days. A clear illustration of the fact that the government has no idea what it is doing, is the introduction of special shuttle buses to get passengers into the CBD from Muthurwa and other far off pints where they are dropped by matatus from the residential estates. These shuttles are charging Kshs 20/- while the old fares from the estates remain the same. Forcing ordinary folks to pay more at a time when they are desperately trying to recover from the effects of the post-election skirmishes. So if somebody was paying Kshs 40/- to get to town, they now need to pay Kshs 60/-. All in all the return trip now costs Kshs 120/- up from Kshs 80/-.

This past week there was a case of a man’s leg being cut off when he fell from a moving train in Nairobi. The man also sustained injuries to the neck and was lucky to be alive. It is said that the man jumped on the train as it passed through the city’s Dandora estate in a desperate attempt to get to work on time. However eyewitnesses say that the man slipped and his leg was caught between the rail and the wheels of the train. He was taken to Kenyatta National Hospital by the police who arrived at the scene more than an hour after the 7:30 am incident. If he was conscious, you can imagine the agony the man went through all that time.

The bottom line is that the government does not care for ordinary Kenyans. Period. And this lack of caring includes ODM which is yet to release a single statement about the IDPs or the suffering Nairobi commuters.

But let us go back to the Safricom IPO, shall we.

You know how the rich and powerful laugh?

It is usually a hearty, forced laughter that has a lot of throat activity in it. Usually it will be accompanied by a sneer and a patting of the huge pot belly. It is the kind of laughter that is unmistakable and tells you that somebody has enough zeroes next to their bank balance to make you dizzy.

Read more

P.S. A serious food shortage is looming in Kenya. My sources tell me that the price of maize flour has climbed steeply and this is a telling warning sign. The government should take some time off their busy schedule on the IPO to look into this issue before it is too late.

Other interesting stories Kumekucha came across today

Jobless man finds $10,000 in his mailbox

Make money fast online without a website

Breaking News: Raila Now Supports Safaricom IPO

ODM leader and Prime Minister designate has issued a statement supporting the Safaricom IPO with some reservations which he says "will be sorted out later."

I hereby reproduce the two statements he has made today.

Let me take this early opportunity to say that I HAVE NOT changed my position one inch. I will post a more detailed article later. Am still in shock.

STATEMENT BY HON. RAILA ODINGA, PRIME MINISTER-DESIGNATE, ON TODAY’S SAFARICOM OFFERING

As you are aware, President Kibaki this morning launched the Safaricom IPO. I want to state that despite our concerns about this offering, we want to encourage ordinary Kenyans to take advantage of this offering.

I discussed with President Kibaki in our meeting the contentious issues about this sale that we have raised publicly, and I am hopeful we will be able resolve them.

In the meantime, there are hundreds of thousands of ordinary Kenyans who are ready to buy Safaricom shares, and we do not wish to discourage them. We believe the shares are under-priced, and therefore their prices seem likely to rise.

But what we have strenuously objected to is that more than one third of these shares have been reserved for “foreign” investors, many of whom will no doubt turn out to be Kenyans with overseas funds.

This blue chip company was supported and built by the hard earned money of our taxpayers, and Kenyans should therefore be given the first opportunity to buy as many of them as they wish to. In addition, real efforts should be made to make these purchases more accessible by Kenyans in all the regions and in all walks of life.

There is also the continuing issue of the Safaricom shares worth five billion shillings owned by MOBITELEA, the identity of whose owners continue to be kept secret and who acquired the shares in mysterious circumstances and not as a “true investment.” They should not be allowed to unjustly enrich themselves by selling these shares as part of the share offering. It is imperative that authorities “ring fence” Mobitelea’s holdings so that they are not secretly offloaded now.

In conclusion, let me encourage as many Kenyans as possible to fully participate in this offering.

STATEMENT BY HON. RAILA ODINGA, PRIME MINISTER-DESIGNATE, ON TODAY’S MEETING WITH PRESIDENT KIBAKI

As spelled out in the National Accord and Reconciliation Act 2008, President Kibaki and I held our second meeting today to further discuss the formation of a Cabinet. This Act specifies, in Section 4 (3), that “the composition of the coalition government shall at all times reflect the relative parliamentary strength of the respective parties and shall at all times take into account the principle of portfolio balance.”

In addition to this provision, we also revisited the issues of the size of the cabinet and the allocation of portfolios to ODM and PNU. But we have been unable to reach a consensus so far.

On Cabinet size, PNU continues to prefer 44 ministries. Such a bloated cabinet, I am afraid, is not good for the country. We would like to see a lean cabinet, of no more than 34 ministries, since the President had already appointed 17 ministers. A lean cabinet is necessary not only because we need to contain public expenditure at a time when there is such abject poverty and deprivation among our people, but also because a leaner cabinet can more efficiently deliver on the services and policies that Kenyans need.

As discussions continue, we must keep in mind that the public would like to see us eliminate wasteful public expenditures, and a bloated cabinet would portray us as disconnected from the mood of the country and set a bad example for curtailing other wastefulness. .

The other key outstanding issue is portfolio balance. On that issue as well, no consensus has been reached, with the other side preferring to retain the most important ministries. This is contrary to the cardinal principle of power sharing that is at the heart of the new arrangements.

In signing the Agreement of Principles that was part of the Act, both President Kibaki and I agreed that “we were stepping forward together, as political leaders, to overcome the current crisis and to set the country on a new path. As partners in a new coalition government, we commit ourselves to work together in good faith as true partners, through constant consultations and willingness to compromise.”

This is the spirit we must resurrect as we continue our discussions.

What The Kroll report says about the Mobitelea ownership

Cabinet Deadlock : Coalition Fails Before Starting

Kibaki and Raila: Plastic Smiles?

Following a lengthy meeting earlier today at Harambee House between ODM captain Raila Odinga and PNU’s Mwai Kibaki, Raila has been addressing a press briefing at Pentagon House this afternoon in which he, not surprisingly, apportioned blame on the PNU side who he says are insistent on keeping the current portfolios while also unreasonably proposing an increase of the cabinet size to an unprecedented 44 members!

Raila said that on its part, the ODM is proposing a cabinet of no more than 34 members with portfolios equally shared between ODM and PNU in accordance with the peace accord signed exactly a month ago in which the parties agreed to share government positions equally.

As if this is not enough, the two parties have been driven further apart by the controversial, and massive Kshs. 50b Safaricom IPO which was officially kicked off this morning.

Raila’s remarks are an indication that a cabinet is not likely to be named soon and even if it was; it would be without the consent of ODM which is a key partner in the grand coalition government. How long the country can hold without a properly constituted cabinet is another question altogether.

Although Kibaki has been quoted as being optimistic that the cabinet stalemate would be resolved soon, observers are casting doubts about this and are now questioning the very feasibility of the grand coalition government in which the parties have strongly disagreed on the formation of the government as well as the hurried Safaricom IPO.

Chief Mediator Annan has reportedly told the two leaders that power sharing and naming of an acceptable cabinet is within the mandate of the two leaders, but in reality that responsibility is largely in the hands of Mwai Kibaki.

The first casualty of this development is this week's proposed joint tour to clash-ton Rift Valley by Raila Odinga and Mwai Kibaki. While addressing parliament on Tuesday, V-P Kalonzo announced that the two leaders would be visiting IDPs in the Rift Valley in a show of unity and to preach peace. It is unlikely such a tour will take place under prevailing circumstances. The Rift Valley PC had earlier embarked on a largely fruitless effort to convince IDPs that security has been restored and that they should go back home so they can receive free government fertilizer, farming implements and other relief assistance.

Going by the recent bold demands (on fertiliser prices, exam council fiasco, Safaricom IPO and cabinet appointments) issued by ODM leaders , it is apparent that the party is slowly but surely resigning to the fact that the grand coalition is unworkable because of PNU’s insistence (read - superiority complex) on retaining key cabinet dockets, impunity and also exhibiting reluctance in sharing public appointments. The ODM is now facing up to the fact that this coalition may fail before it starts. As days go by, it is becoming more and more likely that the much hyped ‘coalition of new possibilities’ will not hold. Not because it was poorly constructed but merely because some egos have refused to let go.

One scary possibility is the return to violence and its socio-economic effects. Indeed, a cursory glance around the continent shows that the failure many African peace deals have resulted into even deadlier anarchy and in some instances, secession or splitting of territories or elimination of the leaders of one of the warring factions in order to achieve lasting peace.

The threat of violence is further enforced by the National Accord and Reconciliation Act 2008 which is unclear about if there will follow a general election if the coalition is collapses or is dissolved. Section 6 of Act says that ‘The coalition shall stand dissolved if: (a) the Tenth Parliament is dissolved; or (b) the coalition parties agree in writing; or (c) one coalition partner withdraws from the coalition by a resolution of the highest decision-making organ of that party in writing.

Because of the unorthodox circumstances by which the PNU grabbed power, ODM has in the past opted for mass action, diplomatic pressure and political propaganda. This was seen by the party as better strategies than the option of challenging PNU in a compromised court or even in parliament where it enjoys a majority.

Let the anxiety continue. Waswahili walisema: ngonja ngoja huumiza matumbo.

Safaricom IPO goes tribal

Coming so soon after the bungled general elections and the subsequent flare-ups, the Safaricom IPO has since gone political and it follows that it will go tribal – if it hasn’t already. In the end, the Safaricom shareholding register will likely read more like a provincial rather than a national roll call. In a Television poll just yesterday, the question was ‘do you think the Safaricom IPO should be put on hold?” 55% said yes and 45% said no. True a TV poll may not be a true representative of the situation on the ground, but still the split was eerily similar to something we’ve witnessed recently. There are those, maybe not you, but there are those who will disregard the need for transparency and a clean fair market and go ahead to buy the shares based solely on where the leaders backing the IPO were born.

The IPO aside, what is more worrying is a scenario where the mobile telephone services themselves go the blue and orange way. If Kenyan politics are anything to go by, and speaking strictly of the telecommunications industry, hitherto blue political areas could go green. And orange areas could go red in defiance. Kenya has been painted oranges and bananas in the past. After the blue and orange elections fiasco, you can be sure every national debate is likely to take a tribal angle and Safaricom is no exception. Is Kenya now about to be painted green and red? We have a knack for sweeping things under the carpet. There is peace thank God but let’s not kid ourselves - tribal tensions are still simmering under the surface and although they may not manifest in uprooted railways, they may take on a mellower but equally lethal angle. To this end, Michael Joseph might want to book an appointment with one Linus Gitahi for some advice.

Nobody wishes for a repeat of the chaos but if God forbid they return, looting and burning will depend on, among other things, the colour of your kiosk. Quiet Celtel will either benefit from some free marketing or be drawn into Kenyan tribal wars. Or both.

Na bado. That is just one sector.

Mobitelea?

Kenyans have been through too much: Please don't RIP them off their 'birth right' this once.

First Golden Rule Of Investment Being Ignored By Safaricom Buyers

So called financial experts always want to remain so complicated and they have been busy telling yours truly that he knows nothing about business and finance. Well, what do you expect from insecure folks?

That is okay and I have no problem with it. Although the truth is that I was once editor of a very successful financial and business monthly for over 2 years (but do I say?)

Let me indulge my "ignorance" on complex this-is-not-a-fish-market-stock-market-issues for a minute, if you will allow me.

If you want to be a successful investor the first golden rule is never invest money that you cannot afford to lose. NEVER. And that is precisely why it is not a good idea to take out a loan to buy shares.

Most of the people who are going to invest in Safaricom will completely ignore this golden rule for investors, that is if they have heard it.

Let us be blunt here folks this thing is being driven by greed, the same greed that has brought Kenya to its' knees. If I was president the first item in my agenda would have been how to resettle IDPs, not a huge IPO that puts money into the pockets of my backers. But then this is Kenya.

But my point here is quite simple. Shares prices can go up... and they can also go down. Everybody seems to have forgotten what happened to the Kenya Airways shares when they were first floated to the public some years back. The same greed that I see now was there then. It put people into a lot of trouble with loans that they couldn't pay and yet the share prices could not cover the loans because prices had gone down from Kshs 11 up to kshs 7 at one point.

Now I am aware that Safaricom is an extremely profitable company... for now. But there is nothing to stop those shares slipping in price, especially because everybody seems to want to do the same thing (except the fatcats who have some elaborate scheme that is heavily dependent on the public going crazy over the shares).

Now that many Kenyans have chosen to ignore the moral issues about this share issue and have instead chosen to quote "stock experts" some of whom were once called Nyaga Stock brokers, my advice to them is purely financial; don't spend money you don't have.

P.S. If only people knew who Mobitelea are and the characters who are really pushing the Safaricom IPO, they would throw up, I guarantee. Just to give you a hint some of the characters behind the scenes have been responsible for the collapse of once prosperous public companies, sending thousands of Kenyans to the streets while their own accounts have fattened by double digit million figures. Kweli Kenyans never learn. Keep it Kumekucha and you will gradually get to know a lot of fascinating stuff. Even Kumekucha is scared sometimes to reveal some things.

Naomi Campbell and Mass Action Call By ODM Over Safaricom IPO

Kenyan politics is getting rather tiresome and exhausting, especially for yours truly. So let’s start this political post on the fringes.

World super model Naomi Campbell loves the Kenyan Coast and that is where she spent the recent Easter holidays. Kumekuchans will remember that one of the most desirable women on earth had a case in 2006 where she was accused of throwing a cell phone at her maid. The supermodel has quite a temper.

Naomi Campbell was In Malindi over Easter and issued a strange statement

This was hardly the first time the volatile Campbell, 35, has been accused of assault. Yet another employee said Campbell threw a phone at her during a tantrum in 2001. Then in 2004, Campbell’s maid claimed that her employer slapped her. Campbell pleaded guilty to an assault charge for beating yet another assistant in 1998. As the Americans say, Phew, some broad!!

But even more fascinating was the fact that during her recent stay in Kenya, Ms Campbell released a statement from her Malindi hideout praising Kenya as a holiday resort and declaring it very safe for tourists. That was excellent PR for Kenyan tourism, especially after what has happened in the last two months or so. But wait a minute! Who organized that publicity?

You will begin to understand what I am driving at when you realize where Ms Campbell was staying and who owns it. She was at the Lion In The Sun Resort in Malindi. A mere weeks stay at this private resort costs 36,000 Euros (don’t bother converting it into Kenya shillings, just know that it is a lot of money, actually close to Kshs4 million).

Flavio Briatore

It is owned by world renowned playboy Flavio Briatore. This man has been linked to the underworld. Need I say more, you all know the kind of Italian crowd that runs Malindi don’t you. My point is that you can be sure that Mr Briatore did not do this kind f favour to the Kenyan government for free. Of course the favor will be returned in some way and I leave that to your imagination. Hint: Mr Briatore is NOT an ice cream magnate.

There have been rumours that Briatore and Campbell are...

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Mugabe Does a Kibaki+Moi on Zimbabwe

As Zimbabwean head to the polls on Saturday, Mugabe has warned Zimbabweans NEVER to dare do a Kenya on him. President Bob has promptly read the mandatory riot act to the opposition warning them of brimstone and hell should they dare protest in the event of losing the elections. Cut from the same cloth, the script is like a cut-and-paste from Major Ali’s warning to Kenyans banning any protest just before last year’s stolen elections? Trust Mugabe and his age mates to know a thing ordinary mortals don't - election results in advance. Theirs is coronation after a national ritual.

African fossils for leaders all behave the same. After inviting hyper inflation to take permanent residence in Zimbabwe 84-year old comrade Bob still considers himself the most expensive gift God bestowed to the Shonas and Ndebeles. A hitherto breadbasket in Southern Africa has been steadily transformed to basket case. With 8 degrees to his name over 100,000% inflation (yes hundred thousand) is nothing but figures to Zimbabwe's tin god.

Robert Gabriel Mugabe is leaving nothing to chance. He is still stuck with the old antics which Moi perfected here in Kenya. Mugabe has ensured none of the two opposition presidential candidates gets his adverts aired even after paying. What is more, no landing for their campaign choppers. But the icing on the theft-in-advance cake is printing 9 million ballot papers for 6 million registered voters. Ole wetu, we never patented the TOP-UP vice, or we thought we did?

Patented top-up
Behind every senile African leader lurks either a deranged or calculative first lady. Mugabe cannot afford to do anything against the wishes of his 37-year old former secretary-turned-wife. Grace Marufu cannot imagine life outside real power at that TENDER AGE. Having a whole Boeing Air Zimbabwe full of passengers wait for ONLY 18 hours as she shops elegantly in Cairo in no big deal either.

Old is really wood, a very expensive timber. Mugabe's 300+ bedrooms palace is worth KES 800m and encircled by TWO man-made lakes. That is obtuse opulence for you in a land where policewomen and soldiers subsidise their paltry income with selling their bodies. No wonder the above half million Zimbabwean dollar isn't enough to buy a banana!

Kenya doesn't have a monopoly to bad political manners. We are in good company albeit of the primitive variation. Political dinosaurs are our bane and we are stuck with them kama kupe as one Ivy loves telling us here at Kumekucha. The services of his Excellency Kofi Annan has never been in such high demand. Na bado.

Kumekucha Social Check: Our Young Men

Why you are extremely corrupt if you buy into Safaricom shares

The other day I found myself 'inadvertently' eavesdropping on the conversation of some two young men. They were talking about Aids, sex and marriage.

One of them was saying that men (quite an outlandish generalization!) cannot do without sex. He went on to say that as long as a man is 'functioning' then sex is the sure release of his building pressure.

Then the insalubrious 'party pooper' was brought into the picture: Aids. They fear Aids (who doesn’t?). Talking of Aids as if talking of the weather is sheer madness (what I learnt from what they were saying). They said that with Aids lurking somewhere in the shadows of 'after sex' then a tricky situation had plunged headlong onto the scene.

One of the two (a bachelor, I learnt) said that with Aids marring the beautiful picture that once gleamed in the light, marriage had become a no-tread zone to many a young man. He said that he would 'marry' for two or three years and, after getting a kid or two, tell the woman (read wife),
"Your time's up. Pack your bags and leave!" He would retain the children (with that, he would have accomplished his goal in life!).

They viewed sex as a way of letting off 'steam' and marriage as a 'factory' for making children; after that: to hell with it!

My Take
This is a dim view of reality. Sex and marriage are beautiful things created by God. Sex serves its purpose divinely in the context of marriage. And marriage is more than just 'where children are made' but rather where we learn to use our God-given talents to benefit each other (the married) in exciting ways that increase the gushes and torrents of love.

Still on the issue of marriage, sample what Bishop T.D. Jakes has to say to the married and the ones aspiring to be married one day.

What it means to be Married:

"To the one you are marrying you are saying: when my time comes to leave this world, when the chill of eternity blows away my birthdays and my future stands still in the night, it's your face I want to kiss goodbye. It's your hand I want to squeeze, as I slip from time to eternity. As the curtain closes on all I have attempted to do and be, I want to look into your eyes and see that I mattered. Not what I looked like or how much money I made, or even how talented I was. I just want to look into the eyes of someone who loved me and see that I mattered."

This is quite a huge price tag attached to the marriage institution and certainly the missing piece in the jigsaw.

Spouses out there 'for better or for worse' please don't do this to your partner.

Why You Support Corruption If You Buy Safaricom Shares

God made a Kenyan

Kenyan made the Kenya shilling

The Kenya shilling made the Kenyan mad, mad, mad

I am certain most of you will go out and buy Safaricom shares like crazy. But make sure that you remember to look in the mirror after applying for your shares. That is if you want to see a corrupt Kenyan Live (or livu as my Tanzanian brothers like to say) and at very close range.

And if you are against corruption then it is a good idea that you start your fight against the vice with the person you see in the mirror. That is one person who has the power to stop corruption dead in its’ tracks and what better place to start than to cause the Safaricom IPO to fall flat on its’ face.

In case you are able to sober up from your money-mania high for one minute, here are some 7 solid reasons why you should not even touch the Safaricom prospectus.

1. Shares have to be purchased through stock brokers. Already two have gone bust, the latest being Nyaga Stock Brokers. Both collapses have had one thing in common; the stock brokers were trading in their client’s shares without the knowledge of the said clients. The hurred computerization of the NSE has made these games so easy, it is unbelievable and a big scandal on its’ own. And Safaricom will be the ideal share to play this game with, especially in the first few weeks of trading. Do you want to cheat yourself that only Nyaga Stock Brokers were playing the game of trading in client shares? In law two witnesses saying the same thing confirm a thing. In my book two brokers dealing in client shares confirms that this “disease” is rampant on the NSE. Right now there are 130,000 very upset Kenyans who may never recover their hard earned life savings which they handed over to Nyaga stock brokers in good faith. It is sheer madness that the government and Kenyans have ignored those 130,000 Kenyans in their greed to get to Safaricom shares. It is obvious that the thing to do would be to fix the rot within the NSE first before doing anything else, least of all launching the largest IPO in the history of Africa north of the Limpopo river.

2. By purchasing Safaricom shares you will be putting money into the pockets of the corrupt ghosts who own Mobitelea. We all know them.

3. The entry of Safaricom shares in the NSE will affect all other shares currently there negatively, because of the sheer size of the offer. (Picture what happens in a village market when somebody floods the entire place with cheap but very sweet oranges. It will affect all other commodities in that market) The elite club within the NSE have already prepared for this and have carefully positioned themselves to make a killing as you struggle to make your few shillings from your few Safaricom shares. In other words you are being used as a pawn in other people’s schemes while cheating yourself that you are making a wise investment and that you will make a killing.

4. Investing in the Safaricom shares is a statement from you that Turkwell Gorge was clean and so was Goldenberg and Anglo Leasing. Actually you will be saying that corruption is OK as long as you make something. Incidetally this is what got us into the crisis of last December in the first place. A sizeable number of Kenyans decided that it is OK to vote for corrupt governments and individuals as long as those people come from our tribe. In other words you are surely a tribalist if you buy Safaricom shares, because it is proof that you think very selfishly.

5. Buying Safaricom shares will be a powerful vote against reform and against a new constitution from you. Thank you for voting, the government will happily hear you, because you will have spoken loudly and clearly.

6. Those planning to get in quickly and then swiftly get rid of the shares soon after at a much higher price had better think twice. Do you think it will work with maybe a million other Kenyans planning to do exactly the same thing? People make money from stock exchanges by swimming in the opposite direction which is exactly the direction the fat cats will be swimming. I am talking about those guys Kenyans want to make even richer but already, to these guys, Kshs 10 million is loose pocket change.

7. If you apply for those shares before the grand coalition government is in place, you will be making a very significant statement. Figure it our for yourself.

Coming Soon, Minister for Domo Affairs

Being citizens of a country topping the premier league table of political absurdity we hereby demand a full cabinet minister in charge on NATIONAL DOMO. Readers and bloggers of Kumekucha would better have their last days before their lips and fingers are restrained. We also demand that this innovative venture be actualized with equal portfolio weight in split upper and lower lips.

Before we get distracted to discussing less important sideshows like infrastructure, we must dispense with more weighty matters that appertains to personal growth. We don't eat roads. We must have our national eyes singularly trained on ventures that guarantee speedy returns. The Saficom IPO is upon us and such luck never smiles at your national door twice. The noise makers demanding fidelity to Kenya's privatization act have nothing better to do and they would be better off making hand-written copied of the bible or dictionary.

Indivisible portfolio
Equal and equitable representation is the spice with with democracy is eaten. We demand 210 ministries that will see a minister for every 160,000 Kenyans. We can afford folks. Kenyans are hard working people who have unrivalled knack for results. The collective selective amnesia serves us just right. All the textbook slogans of staying the course never brings food to any table. We must not be denied the beauty and rewards of shortermism.

We have the experience and reputation to milk ourselves dry. There is no need to import a FOREIGN hand to help manufacturer our local cabinet. The fire was extinguished exactly a month a go today and we have no smell of heat anywhere within our borders. Kwani huyo Annan ni nani? Let him enjoy his retirement in peace in Geneva. Please don't disturb Kenya's present serenity and national peace. We top-up generously and all you need is the right tongue. Na kazi iendelee..

Hope at the End of the Dark Tunnel for Zimbabwe?

Zimbabweans go to the polls this weekend amid so much pressure. What with soaring commodity prices and inflation past the 100,000% mark and still 'heating up'.

President Mugabe called for the reduction of commodity prices yesterday but least can be done about it, as it were. One only wonders why politicians think that the electorate are dunder heads and can not understand what is happening.

We hope that the three contestants for the presidential seat have the interests of the country at heart. If they don't, then the country is headed for EVEN harder times.

Mr Mugabe

Dr Simba Makoni


Mr Morgan Tsvangirai




ODM Statement on Controversial Safaricom IPO

Is PNU Way Too Desperate For The Safaricom IPO?

ODM Statement on Controversial Safaricom IPO

The reaction of government hardliners to the dust ODM has kicked up concerning the Safaricom IPO is really fascinating. As I write this, I am still gaping in wonder.

Prof Peter Anyang Nyong'o: Why he causes so much fear within PNU

I had braced myself to see the entire PNU force coming out with both guns blazing. Woi! Nothing of the sort has happened as I write this. Instead what we have seen is a very polite and humble Amos Kimunya speaking with great restraint and respect to the PM emphasizing to the press that he did speak to Raila Odinga about the IPO and Raila Odinga indeed supported it, just last week. The truth is that neither Raila Odinga nor the ODM are on record has having denied Amos Kimunya’s well publicized statement at the time to the effect that they had met and discussed the IPO with the ODM leader. In fact Kimunya added a rider, to the effect that Hon Raila wanted to purchase the shares on the spot, if it were possible. That silence to Kimunya’s significant utterances must now be interpreted as accent on the side of Raila Odinga and ODM. Let us be serious here, folks. Please.

Interestingly in reply to one question today Kimunya said that ODM should be considered separately to the Prime Minister designate. Implying that Raila Odinga still supports the controversial Safaricom IPO.

The other government bureaucrats quickly fell on this administrations favorite “whipping boy.” They say, the law gives them no power to halt an IPO in progress. That one really made me laugh. I wondered why the same law does not stop the same government from banning matatus from the Central Business district and causing so much chaos as well as suffering to ordinary Kenyans as they blunder around for a solution. Can you imagine Uhuru Kenyatta saying; “The law does not allow me to stop any vehicle from coming into the CBD”? Interestingly, the latest drama in this CBD circus is the fact that although buses are supposed to ferry people from Muthurwa to town it takes ages because Nairobi still has a serious congestion problem in the mornings even without the Matatus. Could it be those multi-vehicle families including that of the Minsiter of local governments? But I digress. Oh I forgot, all his kids go to school abroad (what happened to the Visa ban?)

PNU are saying that they have no way of stopping the IPO from happening even if they wanted to and whose fault is it? Why, the law of course!!

So why is it that that I sense desperation here? Why is it that I even sense fear? Fear that the lucrative (for a few) IPO may actually be halted. Nay I sense panic. And why, I pray to ask, has this Safaricom IPO been speeded up at such breakneck speed? Approvals and hurdles have been cleared in record time and it is scheduled to launch this Friday.

This thing reminds me of my days as an employee when people in the office used to stop everything to help speed up the accounts department and the endless procedures so that the salary cheques could be send out early. This is further evidence even for those who have a terrible cold and have lost their sence of smell, that there is a terrible odor coming out of this Safaricom IPO. All Kenyans of goodwill should stay clear of the thing. Anybody who cares about Kenya and fighting corruption and the fat cats must have nothing to do with that demonic, devilish IPO. And those who end up handling the prospectus on Friday should make sure they wash their hands thoroughly after that. With soap. This thing which has caused ODM to tell lies in broad daylight… na bado. Remember Goldenberg and how it destroyed so many reputations? Just watch what happens with this Safaricom IPO.

.
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Raila And Kibaki No Longer Smiling As Coalition Cabinet Remains In Limbo

Even before the celebrations of peace are over trouble is looming large in the horizon. Insiders had informed me that the grand coalition government would be announced as early as this last Easter weekend Saturday and catch everybody by surprise.

Those spreading this story had assumed that the principals President Mwai Kibaki and Prime Minister designate Raila Odinga would quickly agree. It was not to be.

Today After what reliable sources say was a stormy meeting that lasted from 11 am to about 2 pm Raila Odinga and Preasident Mwai Kibaki for the first time did not emerge together and neither were they smiling. It was clear that all was not well.

A further indicator of trouble was that some ODM people leaked some details of what had gone on inside Harambee house today. A clear sign that this coalition marriage is in trouble even before it has been consummated.

It is now dawning on Kenyans that the powers that be do not have a reform agenda government in mind. PNU wants no less than 44 cabinet ministers; 23 from PNU and 21 from ODM. ODM are suggesting 34 ministries which is not any better. Actually the grand coalition government should not have more than 20 cabinet portfolios.

One of the new ministries being suggested by PNU for ODMers is a ministry of Nairobi affairs. Amongst other extremely hilarious portfolios that will have the rest of the world laughing at Kenyans for weeks on end.

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Kenya's Wasted Talents

The story of Morris Tito Gachamba is fascinating and sad in equal measure. Born 75 years ago in Nyeri, he dropped out of school in Standard 3 because he could not cope with mathematics. That notwithstanding, Tito has attempted many engineering feats, the most outstanding being making his own airplane which he flew for 5 minutes before it crashed into a tree injuring him. For all his troubles, during Kenyatta’s rule he earned himself a stint in prison for trespassing Kenyan airspace, endangering his life and endangering the lives of others. Nobody saw the gold that lay in his contraption. That did not kill his dream though. He has since tried other engineering feats and his current dream is to make a glider. He has also made a tractor which he currently hires out to farmers in his village. Tito is not a rich man by any standards.

The sad bit is that Tito’s is a classic case of wasted talent. In different circumstances, the likes of Tito could have propelled Kenya into the world of aviation firsts. Or he could be relaxing in Seattle having just retired from Boeing. How much more of Kenyan talent is going to waste in the villages? How many Chinkororos and snuff sniffing Mungiki youths for example would have had a better life other than waiting for the whims of politicians? A lanky model can be spotted grazing cattle in the plains of Samburu and propelled to super stardom, but a much better approach for talents such as engineering would be a deliberate effort to look for them.

So Tusker Project Fame is looking for talented musicians, and somebody discovered Dennis Oliech. School Science Congresses have been around for as long as I can remember and are held year in year out. One would think the purpose of these congresses is to identify young Science talent for nurturing. But not in Kenya. Here, the kids, brilliant ideas and all, are sent back to school with a certificate or trophy to continue learning the History of Guatemala. And that is before computer errors mess up their KCSE results.

Do engineering companies send representatives to these Science Congresses? I think they should. Right down to the zonal level – up till the nationals. In fact they should form part of the adjudicating panel. They’re best placed to identify talent in the engineering field. They would know better which projects can be of commercial value so as to further patent and commercialize these innovations on behalf of the kids. They have the ability to then support the kids financially and intellectually and before we know it, Kenya will be on the engineering map. Of course these companies would have to work hand in hand with the government so that gifted kids can be exempted from the normal education system and still be able to work in Kenya. And Noah Wekesa (Current Minister for Science and Technology) I don’t mean taking them to the village polytechnics.

Want to be an automatic US citizen, Just die in Iraq

Transcript of air traffic control conversation with eyewitness aircraft to the strangest accident ever in aviation history. The mystery has still to be conclusively solved. But you can be a sleuth now and take a crack at it.

A Man’s World

This is a recollection of my growing up as a boy at Eastlands in Nairobi.

Tears well in my eyes,
As memories reign supreme,
Memories less flattering,
Memories that still linger.

I once was,
A small boy of pity,
Helpless, weak,
And depended, for support, on mother.

When the boy next door,
Came brandishing his fist,
I scurried to mother calling,
And only insulted at her side.

I was jeered at,
By other boys,
Who had the energy to waste,
Playing their dirty paper ball!

The slightest,
Bullying and punching,
Broke my heart of glass,
And hot tears streamed my cheeks.

Softie, mother’s boy,
Were their descriptions of me,
Girlish boy, they sneered,
As a sock came hurtling my way.

How vulnerable I was,
How puerile,
Stupid, even,
For a boy to expect a smooth sail.

In the evening, my father chided,
Son, taking a loaded punch,
Swallowing a maiming insult,
Are the ingredients of a man’s world.

P.S.:- Whatever happens in this country, I'll always be proud to be a Kenyan!!