How Long Will The Coalition Government Last?

I have this famous friend whom I have been very lucky with when it comes to predictions on Kenya.

He usually calls me and asks me a specific question, seeking my views and gut feeling. And oh boy have I been lucky with him or what? Everything I have ever told him has worked out exactly as I have said it would. He must think I have some magical powers or something.

Despite his amazing track record, Kumekucha has denied that he is a soothsayer

A few examples.

About two days before the general elections in Dec 27th 2007, he called to tell me he was a little confused. Some quarters were telling him it was going to be a close race for the presidency whilst others were telling him it would be landslide for the ODM presidential candidate.

I told him; It is definitely not a close race. ODM have it by what looks like a landslide. My only worry is that I doubt if President Kibaki and PNU are going to concede defeat and hand over power peacefully. You can read my post on the eve of the election expressing my worries HERE. I still get goose pimples reading it today when I realize how accurate it was. l

You know what happened.

Then another day he called me and asked me about Safaricom IPO. I told him that I was sure that the shares would dramatically drop in price the minute they started trading on the Nairobi stock exchange. I pointed out what had happened to the Kenya Airways shares over 10 years earlier. This time he doubted. After all Safaricom was an excellent company and he had insider information about what those buying most of the shares were planning to do which would no doubt push prices up.

You know what ended up happening.

So now recently he asked me how long I think the grand coalition government is going to last for. He did mention that most people have predicted that it will NOT last through March this year.

So far I have not replied to that query. But today I felt I have enough information and insight to do so.

I will be surprised if the grand coalition government survives past May this year. They will hang in there beyond March because increasingly Kenyans will realize that both PNU and ODM are both the enemy and the two will increasingly have to stick together to survive. And also because politicians on both sides of the political divide need to build their war chests for the next elections. So they need to continue robbing the country blind for as long as they possibly can. The exposed scandals Kenyans are hearing about are only a tip of the iceberg.

But we shall about May, shall we not?


P.S. Salim Lone told the Daily Nation early last year while still in New York that the exclusive story on kumekucha saying that he had fled Kenya was false. Earlier this month Mr Lone appeared on the popular K24 chat show and talked about the 3 times he had been forced to flee the country. One of those times was the time he denied to Nation that he had fled.

Read the accurate story Lone denied here.

Time and again Kumekucha has been proved extremely accurate in its' stories despite tons of jeering comments that follow some of our big exclusives. Of course all credit goes to our informants who risk everything for love of country, even their lives sometimes. They are the real heroes. I am just but a messenger to be used for a better Kenya.


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State House Site Attacked And Other Tidbits

Husband and wife form committee of themselves to settle their differences

Imagine a man and his wife getting into a serious marriage-threatening disagreement. Apparently the cause of the domestic quarrel is some silly thing the husband keeps on doing while knowing only too well that it really upsets his wife.

Well it is pretty obvious that the way to sort out this problem is for husband and wife to sit down and calmly talk about the situation. Since the problem is serious, they should first decide whether they want to stay in the marriage. If the answer is YES, then they should try and find a solution (just the two of them).

Now just imagine a situation where the man decides to form a committee to look into the issue. And to make things really funny the members of that committee are his wife and himself.

That is exactly what the two principals did yesterday. President Kibaki and Prime Minister Raila Odinga formed a committee to mediate coalition wrangles. And guess who is on that committee? The top pick of the main protagonists on both sides. So what is going on here?

While the Kibaki administration has rapidly became famous for forming commissions of enquiries that are destined to produce reports whose only purpose is to decorate government shelves and cabinets, the composition of this so-called committee leaves Kenyans wondering why the two sides would not just have sat down and talked.

Or is this part of the usual window dressing?

Seriously rather than waste tax payers money by taking up the valuable time of public servants, why not have Raila and Kibaki go to that Sagana State Lodge place over the weekend and have a lengthy chat over what they want to do now with their favourite play thing called Kenya?

State House Site Attacked

Apparently somebody has hacked into the State House website and is using it to distribute malicious software to visitor’s computers.

If you go to Google and search statehousekenya.go.ke, and then click on the top result, you will view a Google warning about the site.

Now this is more than a little ridiculous and raises the million shilling question, how secure are Kenyan government sites, some of which hold extremely sensitive information?

Traffic Policeman Who Are Asking For Too Much And Bushy troubles In Athi River

Our informant was traveling to Nairobi yesterday and when his public transport vehicle neared Athi River, it suddenly diverted away from the road and hurtled deep into the bush a high speed. At first he panicked, thinking that maybe they had been hijacked. However the tout quietly explained that they were avoiding a police check ahead where the traffic policemen had gone bonkers in what they were demanding in bribes. After a while they met quite a number of other public service vehicles following the same bumpy route coming from Nairobi.

But there was something even more interesting our informant observed. Deep in the bush the landscape was littered with dirty plastic paper bags as far as the eye could see into the distance. He wondered where it had all come from and even more worrying was the kind of cost that would be required to carry out a clean up exercise. Looking at all the different colored plastic paper bags, our informant says it was not difficult for him to imagine a country completely buried in the stuff, in say the next 2 years. But who cares???

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Cool pilot lands jet aircraft on river and saves 155 lives

Martha, Admitting Failure Dosen't Help Anything...Stepping Aside Might

Martha says we're losing the war on corruption.

Really?

I have to wonder when she found that out. Is this her way of finally admitting that her office has failed to carry out one of its core duties of fighting corruption? I still recall that sometime last year the good lady from Gachugu called on the necessary authorities to slash the hefty pay the government was paying a man called Ringera to fight corruption. One year later Ringera is still paid the same amount...and this at a time when he has nothing to show for all that burden his salary has dumped on the Kenyan taxpayer. In fact, if a man who is supposed to fight corruption can't have the moral compass to sense that accepting a pay of 2.5 Million is in itself corrupt, then how do we expect him to stop those who share his kind of mentality?

Back to Martha. I was amused when I heard her say that we are losing the war on corruption. No. We are not losing the war. She is losing the war. And Ringera is losing the war. They are the two top officials in government charged with the responsibility to protect the taxpayer from the mammoth appetite of corrupt officials. So when Martha publicly says we have failed, I have to ask her this question: Martha, what do you expect us...the common man...to do?

It is becoming evident that Martha's attention has been diverted from her duties as the Minister for Constitutional Affairs to that of a full time candidate for president of Kenya. But if she can't stem corruption now, as a powerful minister with goodwill among many Kenyans, how will she do it when she is president? And if she can admit failure on the smaller matter of prosecuting obvious criminals, why should the nation thrust upon her bigger responsibilities?

Guys, Kenya stinks right now. A sense of hopelessness is creeping slowly on the people of the good nation. Just when we start complaining about taxes, they hit us with unga. When we complain about unga, they hit you with gas/petrol. We complain about petrol, they hit us with the media bill. And as we start grumbling about the media bill, they unleash the messes at the Kenya Tourism Board and Kenya Pipeline. Isn't this enough to make a man dizzy? And yet it took Martha this long to sense that we are losing this war?

No, Martha, this war is lost!

It would be nice if you can step aside and let a tougher woman/man take the fight to these sleazy thieves.

Can you, Martha?

Standard Bank Ghost Robbery Exposes Police Weakness

Kenya Police take a breather, looking exhausted: Outsmarted and outfoxed all the time by hardened criminals


In the early hours of yesterday morning (Kenyan time) there was a bizarre incident at the Standard Chartered Bank along Moi Avenue where a gang of robbers daringly attempted to execute a bank robbery in one of the most guarded and secure banks in East and Central Africa. (Security insiders will tell you that many of the special security measures at this Standard Chartered bank were put in place after a bank robbery in the 80s—then called the mother of all bank robberies—where thugs got away with a record amount of cash. But that is a story for another day.)

The drama that unfolded at the bank most of yesterday morning must leave Kenyans with many questions as to the ability of our police force to win the war against crime by any other means other than shooting and killing every suspect-mingled with the innocent—in sight (as has been happening for some time now.)

Apparently the robbers’ well executed plan went wrong when an alert cashier (a lady) jumped back from entering a lift that she was being pushed into by the thugs. She raised the alarm and this is what ended up frustrating the would-robbery.

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Police arrived and surrounded the bank waiting for the robbers to come out.

Now this is the point where things started going wrong for the police.

What would you do if you were stuck inside a bank surrounded by policemen with drawn guns on the ready? Take a hostage or two to shield yourself on the way out? Well that one does not work in Kenya because chances are that the police will still open fire killing the hostage and you. Yet this is what the police expected the robbers to do.

Luckily for the thugs, the police made it very easy for them. It was decided to evacuate the building so that the police can storm in and get the thugs. The robbers did not need to be rocket scientists to simply dump their weapons somewhere in the building and come out with the members of staff who were being evacuated and many analysts believe that that is exactly how they got away.

In frustration the police arrested the poor guard at the bank who had been tied up by the thugs claiming that he was an accomplice to an inside job. Nobody asked themselves why he raised the alarm when the bank robbers were still in the building. A police spokesman even said on national TV that the bank robbery was poorly planned. I don’t agree. In fact bags full of money were recovered from the building by police. That just tells you that something so small went wrong otherwise the robbers would have gotten away without firing a single shot.

This incident more than any other brings into sharp focus one of the reasons why the police have such a difficult time dealing with criminals. The truth is that they seem to be out-thought and out-foxed most of the time. Sincerely, just think about it for a moment. How can you match the wits of an Eastlands hardened criminal who has grown up in Nairobi all his life with a policeman who was recruited from El Wak and is in charge of giving orders in situations like that of yesterday?

In the new police force Kenyans should build after the current political dinosaurs go home. This issue should be given much though and under-cover operations should be stepped up dramatically if the war on crime is ever to be won. Police recruitment policies should also be reviewed so that the force can attract the right kind of people who will help them begin to outsmart the increasingly sophisticated 21st century criminal.


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Doing Brisk Business With Carcass Kenya

Kenya’s ruling class is taking our legendary entrepreneurial skills to new levels as the Kenyan population prove to be the handiest goods of trade. You can browse the preface to this FRAUD thriller as the IDPs are turned into a lucrative cash cow by industrious minds.

But the ultimate prize goes to those with unadulterated DNA aboard MV Triton Petroleum Company destined to ECONOMIC NIRVANA. Poor ex KPL and KTB bosses! They were so mesmerized with the amount landing on their laps oblivious of the MEGA deals transacted over their heads. The energy ministry is headed by an experienced hand steeled by the Anglo Leasing fame.

Why chase shadows when the kingpin at the heart of the whole scandal has DNA traceable to State House? Creating smokescreens to buy time and mask challenges are our national pastimes. The Kenyan-like elaborate conspiracy by KPC, Triton and Ministry of Energy top officials makes laughable the so-called plastic search for Triton chief Yagnesh Devani and KPC ex-Operations Manager Peter Mecha.

If you thought the era of genocide in disguise where chalk was shamelessly sold as chlorine belonged to last millennium think again. The kings and princesses of FRAUD have the exclusive access to the national till and they will RAPE cow Kenya till the last drop of blood.

Martha Karua’s noise at the thieves will only leave her face splashed with vomit from the gluttons. Her thin-veiled political tantrums amounts to too little too late efforts redeem her face after being the public and intellectual face of the same scoundrels early last year. The Swahili saying malipo ni hapa hapa has been materialized so speedily.

Kenyans must be the most resilient and tolerant people this side of the planet. How else would you explain being led by a ZOMBIE whose modus operandi is total contempt and sickening insensitivity? Make no mistake. These vultures will circle prey Kenya secure in the knowledge that their educated tribesmen and accomplishes will rush to their defence spewing exotic village vitriol.

Our national mantra must be anchored on the premise that if carpenters live on making coffins why not expand the business to kill the living. Well, the small and average-mined Kenyans can continue complaining about scarce unga, oblivious of the truth that they can as well survive on cake which their political masters stock in plenty for their dogs.

Exotic vitriol
No amount of brinkmanship and grandstanding can purchase moral authority. Everybody is in greedily exploiting any available opportunity/position feathering their nests with the mindset of security in numbers. The boss is nude and will never dare point a finger lest he is paraded in his birthday suit.

The feeling is mutual when a president trivializes national challenges with unforgivable remarks that taunts his voters to fight if they so wish. That version of contempt manifests itself here aplenty when schooled villagers abroad deride other Kenyans' concerns as whining instead of seizing the opportunity to join the looters.

Well, the time of reckoning is nigh and no DNA will be safe from the wrath of marauding Kenyans when the shit hits the fan fuelled by food riots. The upper echelon of the shameless looters may escape but the reprieve will be temporary as proved by Mobutu’s fate. Nothing lasts forever and very soon the scoundrels will dutifully earn their collective wages of national sin against fellow Kenyans.

Most Corrupt VP Ever Wants To Live In State House As Ruto Sells Out

Prof George "coughing VW" Saitoti: This man is very determined to be your next president

It has not surprised political analysts that Internal security minister George Saitoti has finally come out in the open and declared his interest in the presidency.

But what Kenyans need to ask themselves are two simple questions. Who is George Saitoti and can he make a president, let alone lead Kenyans to the promised land we all yearn for?

It is no secret that Saitoti used to drive a beat up VW that would cough uncontrollably at the most inconvenient times on the highways and sometimes traffic policemen would be too surprised to arrest him. His 500 bob cheques would regularly bounce at his bank then, opposite the Hilton Hotel. The mathematics professor was picked up in that state in the 80s and made Finance minister. His climb was meteoric and within no time George Saitoti became an immensely wealthy man. So much so that he is now able to finance a presidential campaign almost effortlessly. So where did his money come from?

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The truth is that if there was a contest to single out the most corrupt Kenyan who has ever been Vice President, then there would be no contest. Saitoti would win hands down. Apart from the Goldenberg saga which the topology professor has tried very hard to distance himself from, Saitoti built a reputation with many would-be foreign investors as the man who used to send an aide to openly ask for cash handouts and bribes. I have two witnesses who have sworn affidavits and have even named the professor's favourite errand boy in this “business.” That is the man who wants to be your president.

The other question one needs to ask themselves is why Moi overlooked him and went for Uhuru Kenyatta instead in 2002. Some people claim that the excessive greed Moi saw in Saitoti would have meant disaster for Kenya. Oh well, that is neither here nor there because Moi himself also proved quite greedy towards the end of his tenure. But shall we say that is what Moi thought of him?

A fascinating aside here is that it seems that the alliances for 2012 (or whenever it is that we will go to the polls) are taking shape in earnest. One of the people Saitoti no doubt inspired in terms of ways of making overnight wealth by stealing public funds, is William Ruto. The Agriculture minister has been having some fascinating night meetings in his constituency in recent times. I am told Ruto had a large meeting in Eldoret over the weekend with all councillors (or strategic ones) in Rift valley including Maasai, Kalenjin, Samburu etc. At the meeting he referred to Raila as 'that bull without a herd.' Apparently the meeting was at Ruto's house. Then they were all given Kshs 5,000 each (impeccable sources tell me). They all stayed the night in hotels in Eldoret, all paid for by their host. Ruto is also said to have told the councillors that Raila was no longer marketable. And that they should make this the year of the IDPs and take all IDPs as their brothers.

So You Think You Are A Failure?

Before his election to the presidency at age 51, Abraham Lincoln had eight times lost lower office elections. He was miraculously elected to the Illinois State Legislature at age 25 but was out of a job within a year. In fact his only other notable political success came at the age of 37 when he won a congressional seat by a razor thin margin. That was characteristically followed by a resounding defeat at his reelection two years later. You see, this man was not only a bona fide political failure but also a businessman of magnificent losses. To fortify his miserable credentials, the chap became a card carrying permanent resident of a mental hospital at the age of 27; this after suffering a nervous breakdown following the untimely demise of his sweetheart.

So what does Lincoln do with his shabby life? Well, after special prayers, the man wins the presidency and introduces measures that result in the abolition of slavery. He then successfully leads his country through the American civil war only to be shot dead at the end of it. Damn! Talk about courage, persistence and perseverance….and a potent dose of bad luck.

Well, that looser is apparently not done. Coincidentally, at the 200th anniversary celebration of his birthday, an African American of Kenyan decent will be inaugurated as the 44th president of the United States.

One thing we could do here today is compare Abraham Lincoln to the fat leeches taking a series of short naps inside Parliament Buildings….but that will quickly degenerate into a heaven versus hell argument. You see, the last parliament can only be remembered in terms of a fruit basket; bananas and oranges. There’s nothing to suggest that the current one will achieve anything outside of keeping its members from The Hague. In fact, its sole preoccupation is self-preservation at the expense of the tax payer. As we speak, Moses Wetangula, our comedic foreign affairs minister, is excitedly planning a multi-million shillings ministerial excursion to Washington DC. All this money is being spent so that a bunch of sweaty MPs can stand under a tree to view Obama’s inauguration proceedings from about one or two kilometers away. This is not a simple case of misplaced priorities or misguided outbursts. It is in fact, an affront to wanainchi.

The problem is that we have allowed our leaders to disenfranchise us to the point where we see Kenyan pride in terms of Tusker beer, success in long distance athletics and tribal dominance. Our uncanny ability to survive adversity is seen as a badge of honor….when in real sense, honor is totally avoiding adversity. There exists no powerful affinity to ensure the country’s destiny or identity because it truly does not exist. In other words, we have lost all hope.

How else do you explain our lethargy in confronting the excesses of politicians in power?

This is where we can learn from Lincoln. We should never give up hope. So far, doing so has resulted in a docile Kenyan citizenry accepting of all manner of abuses. If we accept to remain roadside spectators watching hummers and helicopters crisscross the air space, we shall all perish. Let us get involved from all levels. Courage fellas, courage.

The only thing we must not do is wait 200 years.

My Challenge To The Kenyan Youth...Are We Any Different?

Are we really ready?

For a nation as small as Kenya, I'm stunned by the magnitude of corruption going on. In a span of less than two months, various degrees of corruption have been revealed to the public. But by far the most troubling remain the shenanigans that went down at the Kenya Pipeline and at the Tourism Board. I single out these two because the nation is on track to lose billions of shillings to cartels that have blatantly worked with government officials to line their pockets at the expense of the Kenyan people.

How could thirty five million shillings have been paid to a company that never delivered services? And just how could Permanent Secretary Nyoike have failed to notice that Triton was teetering on the brink of collapse at the time the Ministry of Energy was pumping billions of shilling in awarded tenders to them? Something is gravely wrong in a nation where within such a short time billions of shilling are lost...and apparently without much of a fight from Kenyans.

But if you thought these are bad, consider the growing evidence that the hunger and starvation being experienced by many Kenyans now is actually the work of a cartel within the Ministry of Agriculture. These sleazy folks have consciously decided that the mass starvation of Kenyans does not mean anything to them as long as they make a little money. How can these guys sleep at night? What do they think when they watch the emaciated bodies of little children and the withering breasts of mothers who can't feed those helpless Kenyans? Martha Karua, if you truly know who these folks are, let Kenyans know with you. Then let us collectively ask how such cruel people can remain in office.

Then there are the people we call the police. I have never seen more blatant corruption in my life. These guys have perfected the art of grabbing money from the hand of a tout into theirs in the twinkle of an eye. I've even heard stories of senior officers who have worked a deal with the matatu owners so that for a fee of about one hundred shillings per day, the lucky matatus will never ever be stopped. The troubling thing about this state of affairs is that Kenyans seem perfectly okay with what's going on. Nobody is complaining. Just how did we come to sink so low?

But even in the face of such blistering corruption, I have hope that things will get better. I have seen a lot of Kenyan youths who are eager to take the helm and help steer Kenya toward what her real potential is. Before we stake our claim to leadership, however, we as the youth must answer a fundamental question: Are we any different than the people who have brought Kenya to her knees? What will we do about the police? What will we do about corrupt men like Okungu and Achien'g? Will we be content to just jail them, or will we go a step further and make them return the money stolen from Kenyans? And finally, what will we do about these cartels that are making life a nightmare for Kenyans?

Fellow Kenyan youth, are we any different?

Moving To Higher Grounds

The kind of work needed to turn things around in this beautiful country of ours, is huge and overwhelming when you think about it. But with a group of people with the same believe and mind set who are ready to tirelessly work towards that end, its something that can be done quicker than you think. They say we require just a few good men to turn things around … let always keep that in mind.

With corruption becoming invisible as its been executed and only visible when its already too late … others considering themselves more Kenyan than others … others selling the country bit by bit to outsiders in the name of attracting investors … and with the wolves wearing sheep clothing just to be in the position they hold longer to continue ‘eating’ … etc etc etc its becoming harder and harder to just sit and watch.

We are at a point where we are in deep need of political leaders who will be in politics out of passion to lead Kenya to better grounds. In the last 4 decades we have done nothing but to make everything to be about politics and thus we have to use politics to turn things around.

Many get into politics to get rich quick and others stay in politics to protect what they have collected- by questionable means of coz. Thus one the solution to keep off money hungry individuals out of parliament is to make sure that been an MP is not about getting a fat salary or accumulating wealth. If we reduce their salaries many will not run for office … those who will, will be there coz they care for their fellow Kenyans. That way they will spearhead a process of developing systems that work for us which will eliminate evils like corruption, greed and arrogance in public offices.

This kind of a solution is the easiest and most direct. However putting into consideration that most of the powers to reduce the MPs salary lie with them and they refused their almost 7 figure salaries to be taxed, it sounds impossible. And it takes me back to Moi times when he refused to have multiparty politics introduced … and only bulged after much pressure. Since then it has increasingly become clear that for the demands of Kenyans to be met … it can only be through pressure. Thus we must keep the pressure on at all times (and at the same time making sure they don’t get immune to the pressure). The MPs must be made to reduce their salaries … that will be a big nice step forward. We have to pressurize the MPs till they do what we Kenyans want them to do … we must, at least for now.

Next we need to get those that are ready to take things forward for the sake of the nation ready. 100,000 (and may be less) honest and sober Kenyans is all we need to get things going. Many new faces will join politics 2012 and we have to really look to who they are … and not getting them to parliament then they turn out to be the Ababu’s of this world. They have to be people that we will be able to morally tear down and see no traces of evil (or have proven they are a changed lot) … since becoming a thief does not start overnight.

People we have to start working towards that.

One love one people one Kenya.