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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Inside Story Behind The Fuel Shortage in Kenya

Does anything really change in Kenya? Will anything change before we can remove all the entire political class from messing up with our lives and pretending to be concerned about our welfare?

A little research my this blogger has revealed that as widely believed by most Kenyans, the recent petrol shortage was man-made and created because some people were out to make a quick buck.

This saga is so amazing and stranger than fiction so much so that the first time I heard it I refused to believe it. And yet even as I cross-checked the info, things started happening to confirm some of the things that I had been told. Wow!!! What a crazy banana republic Kenya is!!!!

There is this oil company with very close ties to the highest authority in the land and some cash-hungry guys used the said firm to import fuel expecting to sell it at Kshs 90 per litre in the local market. Just a few weeks ago that sounded like a fair price because petrol was selling at Kshs 100 and climbing. And in the world market a barrel of oil was at close to $100 a barrel. Who would have guessed that in a few short weeks it would fall to $40 a barrel or thereabouts?

So these guys found themselves in a tricky position as their consignment entered the local market when prices were down to almost Kshs 70 per litre. My sources say that they approached major oil companies in the local market and tried to persuade them to raise prices for the Christmas rush to at least Kshs 90 per litre. However they received unexpected resistance from a major multinational company that controls most of the retail trade locally who stubbornly refused to raise their prices.

Next these politically-connected cowboys decided to use their “muscle” and interfered with the pumping of oil products through the Kenya Pipeline from Mombasa. Thye probably expected the said multi-national to bulk and agree to their terms. Other sources suggest that this was a deliberate move to create artificial shortages in the local Market and force the prices up. Interestingly this is exactly what has happened because I checked with my sources a few minutes before sitting down to write this post and the price of Petrol is steadily creeping towards Kshs 90 per litre (prices of 87/50cts have been spotted). A real tragedy when you consider that before Christmas a source spotted Petrol at 68/50cts in some filling stations.

Whatever the intention of these enemies of Kenya, one thing cannot be disputed. And that is the fact that they caused the fuel shortage deliberately and the current rapid rise in prices has resulted from their actions.

So I ask again. Is there a government in Kenya? And in the unlikely case that the answer to that question is yes, where is that government? Why has it stood and become a spectator as individuals have messed around with an entire vital industry that touches on the lives of each and every Kenyan? Is this what a hands-off approach to managing the country was meant to be all about?

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P.S. Kenya Pipeline folks said that they are clean and have been pumping fuel according to the orders they receive. So we should ask the oil companies a simple question; why were their orders not forthcoming at a time when they know demand for fuel peaks in the country to very high volumes? Simple question and Kenyans want a simple answer.

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Saturday, December 27, 2008

One Year Gone, Resilient Kenyans Still Caged

Time flies, so goes the adage. And more aptly so for the Kenyan people who exactly one year ago went to the polls only to reap unprecedented violence which almost shut the light completely. So one year to day what can we say is the principal trait among Kenyans that saw them escape from near-apocalypse? Resilience and the astuteness to get tough when the going gets rough.

The average Kenyan is one who knows his/her capabilities and often live his life according to his means. This obviously excludes the few scandalous ones who will do anything possible to acquire what they don’t deserve.

Give it to Kenyans for deriving enviable inspiration form adversity. The murderous mayhem during the post election violence (PEV) has seen many countries in Africa descend to points of no return to normalcy.

Add the present global economic meltdown to economic hardship resulting from PEV and you have a perfect picture of a Kenyan merely surviving and NOT living. The squeeze is evident everywhere and in all sectors of life and economy. Many Kenyans would ordinarily forfeit LUXURIES like sugar when prices shoot through the roof. But not when this has touched on the most basic survival staple food UNGA.

Sights of Kenyans boiling wild roots and keeping themselves alive with the threads of salt band water can only be symptomatic of a failed state in denial. Only self-denial can make anybody divorce Kenyans predicament from bad governance and LACK OF LEADERSHIP by example and from in front.

Self destruction
While true Kenyans make the best out of their present predicament, the ruling elite makes sure the gates are selfishly guarded as they scheme on their next move to draw the last drop from the same people paying for their luxuries. Kenyans remain a caged populace at the mercy of an OLD political elite whose every trail is littered with sickening corrupt deals.

All the deafening shouts here about change amounts to e(go)-revolution whose fate is already sealed. You cannot fault smart Kenyans to abuse every epoch thrown at them. The Obama moment is all talk with no commensurate walk. Any meaningful move towards effecting anything different will be promptly and brutally nipped in the bud thanks to archaic legislation which the EATING THIEVES are in no hurry to overhaul.

Guinea’s current predicament best exemplifies a country’s disillusionment with her despotic leaders. Ours is a country run, ruled and ruined by people exclusively concerned with protecting their turf and NEVER addressing issues critical to Kenyans. No wonder we remain in a constant election mood hardly a year after the previous polls.

In the meantime the ruling class perfects their skills at stealing and misallocating resources that would otherwise make a whole difference to all Kenyans. Their collective acts amounts to buying us cheap horrible deodorants that is better not sprayed on a dog. Speak of superlative acts of self-destruction.

Friday, December 26, 2008

I Had Matumbo For Christmas

Yes folks, and it wasn’t the sizzling gourmet style delicacy you will find at the fabulous Inter-Continental Hotel. In all honesty, it was the regular boiled stuff with minimal onions, a few leaves of dania (cilantro) and a small tea spoon of tomato juice to excite the stew. The anxiously awaited one course meal was complete with my favorite ugali made of the cheaper wanainchi grade flour and a glass of rain water. Water conservation is not just for the rich.

Because it was Christmas, I decided to use my prized utensils. I took out my mabati iron plate and my plastic cup. The plate was special because it was made in China and had this irresistible orange and green floral print on it. It intricately imitated the queen’s china. Today I will be feasting in the presence of majestic flowers. The cup was nothing special; only that I use it to display my affluence when visitors come knocking. The empty half kilogram Blue Band tin is all I need on typical days. I told you I’m environmentally conscious…. so I re-cycle.

Well, the time came to consume my Christmas feast. First, I took off my shirt and loosened my belt. I then closed my door from inside, served my plate and sat down on my three legged stool; ready to reward my stomach and intestines for being patient. I said grace and wished Jesus a happy birthday. My fingers dove into the hot ugali and began the exercise of molding an ugali-spoon. I dipped the ‘spoon’ into my matumbo stew and scooped up what looked like a book or blanket. ‘This was going to be the greatest Christmas ever’, I remember thinking as my ‘spoon’ elevated towards my salivating mouth. The tip of my tongue barely tasted the hot matumbo stew when…. Hodi! Hodi Jirani! Jirani Yupo!!

My first reaction was of course to do a quick mental calculus equation on how I’m going to divide my low grade ugali. I could not pretend I was not home because the matumbo aroma could be smelt about a mile away…. and the flies were as usual fighting each other to come through my one glass window. The evidence of a succulent feast within the walls of my shack was very incriminating. The knocks became louder every five or so seconds. Mwenye nyumba yupo!!

So I put on my shirt and, like Pink Panther, tip-toed in slow motion towards the window by the door. I really had to see the cause of this Christmas day commotion. I had sworn to have the ‘door knocker’ wait for about ten minutes before I acknowledged. I had suffered and gone through great pains to make this feast happen. If someone wanted a share, they too had to suffer. If I peep through the window, the guy on the other side would see my head protruding and would even knock louder. Instead, I chose to peep through the keyhole. What I saw sent a cold chill through my spine.

I tell you folks, on the other side of the keyhole was a shiny belt buckle, proudly inscribed: Utumishi Kwa Wote.

By this time, my knees were giving way and I was no longer sweating. Fellas, Christmas was clearly over.

To cut a long story short, I had to open the door and let the cops have a field day surveying the interior of my shack. I was at pains to explain why I was eating Christmas alone. After terrorizing me in the usual Kenyan way and making sure I had no ‘money safe’ behind a hidden wall, they asked me to reveal where I bought the matumbo. Lying with no reason, I answered back, “Kichwa Tembo Butchery of Fine Meats”. I did not want to reveal the true source of the matumbo…yaani, that I had helped my boss massacre a goat…the tripe was my reward.

In short order, the policemen, in emergency tactics, put on plastic gloves and masks and confiscated my matumbo, together with the floral plate. Bwana! they even took the remaining stuff in the sufuria. Then their leader beckons me aside to tell me that I should feel very happy because the government had saved my life. Apparently, ‘Kichwa Tembo Butchery of Fine Meats’ has been unscrupulously selling donkey matumbo to the unsuspecting public.

So there you have it; the heading of this story is not entirely true either. I almost had matumbo for Christmas.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Is There Really A Government in Kenya?

As you read this there is a biting fuel shortage sweeping right across the country.

The whole thing is a mystery and nobody quite knows what is going on. We know though that fuel prices have been falling for some time. So what is this fuel shortage about? Is it that somebody wants to make more profits or what? Is this yet another "deal" similar to the recent quick-profits-from-maize-at-the-expense-of-the-starving-masses saga? Our investigations are ongoing and we will report back to you soon on what is really happening.

Well the really interesting thing here is that in Somali where there is hardly a government, there is fuel right now. So surely there can't be a government in Kenya at the moment? Not when this fuel shortage has been on for over a week.

Last few units remaining Christmas special offer for fridges and LCD TVs only for Kumekucha readers.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Why Kumekucha Isn't Such A Smart Guy

I am making my new year resolutions and I am considering a few key principals.

Let common sense prevail. Everybody will tell you that.

Folks like Dedan Kimathi did not have much of it. I mean what did he achieve? He did not have a good job a career, a nice car. Stuff to admire. He just fought a battle every sensible person knew he would not win. In the end he died, executed and buried in a grave that has never been found to this day. A failure in life. His family to date still suffers living hand to mouth? Can you compare him to such a sensible man as Nicholas Biwott and others? The only thing Kimathi achieved was a better life for millions of Kenyans many of whom were not even born when he died.

Another fellow with absolutely no common sense is Nelson Mandela. I mean the guy spent 27 years in jail. And for what? While he was in there other men had his supuu Winnie Mandela. I mean the guy went into Robeen Island a handful of years before I was born and when he came out I was married with children. The man wasted the best years of his life behind bars. For WHAT???? For zilch, except that he helped end apartheid in South Africa and is still a beacon of hope to many freedom fighters the world over.

So all you good folks who like making noise here, I ask you to consider your new year’s resolutions and pledge to do your part to create a better Kenya--to put your money and heart where your mouth is. Let me point out that those who want to fight for a better Kenya must be without common sense. And I re-dedicate myself to the group without common sense. The guys who care enough about something to gladly die for it. (What kind of stupid guy is that?)

Please enjoy your holidays guys and in-between the nyam choms and merrymaking ask yourself two simple questions for the new year because there is plenty to be done next year.

Question one; Are you a smart guy with plenty of common sense? (If yes stay away from siasa and the fight for a better Kenya.)

Question two: In the rare case that you want to join Kumekucha and others in bringing real change, are you prepared to make sacrifices and perhaps even die for that objective?

Take my advice guys. Enjoy your job, enjoy your family and leave it to the chaps without common sense.

Last few units remaining Christmas special offer for fridges and LCD TVs only for Kumekucha readers.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

It's Beginning To Feel A lot Like The End of An Era

You saw it with your own eyes last week.

First it was the ODM. It ran a picture-perfect coronation of it's handpicked officials at Bomas. It called that charade democracy. Then it was the PNU. Full of incredible energy, it completed the ODM picture by following suit, picking a leadership top-heavy with old men in spite of the healthy presence of the youth and women. That was democracy. If anybody still expects such parties to be avenues for ideological, issue-driven democracy, think again. These parties have become comfortable with tribal politics and the shameless babysitting of mass movements without a discernible purpose other than as vehicles to access state power for the sake of it. If they cared any bit about Kenyans, there wouldn't be Kenyans shedding tears in the IDP camps, others stuck in Uganda, while we celebrate Christmas...a full year later. How can these folks sleep at night?

Like I said last week, Kenyans have now learnt who the real enemies of progress in this nation are. They are aware that they have MPs who don't care about them, who bring home some 250,000 shillings to the constituency every weekend and distribute it...then gladly call it representation. They are aware that their MPs voted not to pay taxes, and are never there for them when the prices of essentials like unga go up, gas/petrol disappears just when we should be heading home for the deserved break, work to curtail press freedoms, and say nothing when Kenyans are clobbered in full view of dignitaries and the international media.

This shall end.

Starting next year, all like-minded Kenyans must come together to actively seek ways to get our country back. We will lay out strategies for lawfully educating Kenyans on the shape and vision of an alternative form of democracy, one where people are elected not because they are Kikuyu or Luo or Kalenjin, but because they have a vision that works for Kenya. We will lay out a blueprint that will detail our progressive politics and answer in numbing detail how we will tackle Kenya's problems when our time comes.

I'm aware that the Odingas and the Mois and the Kenyattas and the Kibakis will do everything in their power to stop Kenya from going the way of an issue-oriented democracy where the nation is paramount, but we will go toe to toe with these oligarchies. We will defeat them and usher in a new era, where the institutions of our nation will be reformed and the nation's leaders made answerable to the people who elected them...in every sense of the word.

So as this year closes down, let's take this deserved break aware that the journey to finally and fully liberate Kenya cannot actively start any later than June next year. June 2009. From where I stand, the mood in Kenya has revealed to me that it's beginning to look a lot like the end of an era in Kenya...the era of big family politics in Kenya. The end of dynasties and birthright politics. The beginning of nation-building, where Kenya doesn't feel like two nations...one called NAIROBI, where the money is and everybody wants to go...the other called KENYA where poverty and hopelessness are turning our sons and daughters into militiamen.

Folks, this is our moment. Let's seize it.

Merry Christmas to Kenyans at home and around the world.

Images 2008: My Worst Moments Of This Unforgettable Year

God willing, in a few days time we shall all be looking back at the year 2008. One word that I am sure shall be used a lot to describe this year is the word; “unforgettable.” Interestingly this is exactly the way I can best describe 2008 even from a personal point of view.

Still there are some moments and images from 2008 that have refused to leave my mind. Moments that brought tears to my eyes or great anger. I would like to share them with you in this post.

1. Family in Kibera slums having Ugali with salt and water in a country where MPs earn obscene salaries and have refused to have their allowances taxed. Not to mention the obscene fuel guzzling vehicles that move on our roads. There has to be something very wrong in a country where some people have too much and others have too little.

2. Two incidents of people being burnt alive by fellow Kenyans. One was well publicized in Eldoret in a church and the other some Kenyans are still not aware that it even took place. The little known one was in Naivasha.

3. Photographs that could only be published in Kumekucha of piles of bodies at the city mortuary many toddlers and babies can be seen and one very pregnant woman. I keep asking myself what prize is this that is worth so many innocent people dying?

4. Disgraced ECK chair saying that he will not resign because “they have not beaten anybody.” Did the man actually think he was being funny?

5. This next one was hilarious. The man said on national TV and I quote; “If there is one thing that I will not do, I will not resign. I would rather die.” A few days later the same man resigned. Last time I checked Amos Kimunya is still very much alive and preparing to bounce back to the cabinet as Finance minister.

6. Maize meal, the staple food of Kenyans breaks all records and retails at Kshs 130 per 2 kg packet. Big tragedy. Meanwhile some people were wondering why Kenyans cannot eat Chapati if Ugali is too expensive.

7. On Jamhuri day, a solemn day to celebrate the sacrifices of those who were here before us, Kenyans are arrested for wearing black T-shirts. ODM does not organize any protest march like they did when their party was denied a registration certificate.

8. This image makes me want to throw up every time I remember. It is of a smiling Mwai Kibaki and Raila Odinga shaking hands vigorously after the signing of Kofi Anan accord. Do the two men realize how much Kenyans suffered? Dear Hague, please help them realize one day, please make them and others pay one day... soon.

9. Kaburu judge Kriegler tells Kenyans in broad daylight that they did NOT see what they saw last December when he announces that he did not find any evidence of “fiddling” at the vote tallying stage. He adds insult to injury by insinuating that the problem was because returning officers were not given electronic calculators to add up votes.

10. MPs of the 10th parliament hurriedly pass draconian Media Bill as Christmas present to themselves. The whole thing reminded me of Emilio Stanley’s bedroom swearing in ceremony done before the election results were announced later the same evening.

11. Witnessing Kenyans tearing at each other in this blog with sentiments based purely on tribal or party affiliations. And yet any intelligent primary school child knows that politicians in Kenya specialize on drumming up tribal emotions for their own personal gain. When will ordinary Kenyans down there learn if the elite on the web don’t have a clue?

12. Former KCB CEO Terry Davidson being charged with insider trading over a purchase he made of Uchumi shares when a lot of other politically correct “locals” who have made billions from insider trading at the stock exchange go stock free. Yet more proof that in Kenya justice is extremely selective. Little wonder that people kill to get political power.

13. Kenyans lining up to buy Safaricom shares after many warnings from Kumekucha and others to stay away from the shares. The expected quick kill did not materialize of course. Simple law of supply and demand, folks.

14. Stabbing incident in a UK pub over a ODM/PNU political argument. High tension remains in the Diaspora over the silly political groupings created to con Kenyans and make them fight with each other over absolutely nothing.

15. Kiosks demolished in several parts of Nairobi all at the same time and just a few weeks to Christmas illustrating once again the fact that Kenyans in positions of power are some of the most insensitive, ruthless, brutal, selfish “animals” on the planet.

Let’s toast to a better 2009 shall we?

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Friday, December 19, 2008

A Soldier As Top Cop And Why Corruption Is Deadlier Than You Think

Corruption is deadlier than most Kenyans realize.

For instance how safe can our borders be if a little bribe can get you across with all kinds of merchandise? Indeed there is a direct link between corruption and the number of Kenyans who die every year as a result of violent crime.

Not surprisingly Kenya is the number one drug trafficking country in the region and beyond. Cocaine, heroine and all manner of hard drugs flow freely in and out of Kenya. Many foreigners have quickly learnt the truism that there is absolutely nothing one cannot achieve in Kenya as long as you have plenty of cash.

One of our reporters on the ground was shocked two days ago while traveling on the Mombasa Nairobi road when the matatu he was on was stopped by half a dozen road blocks fairly close to each other. The procedure was the same at every road block. The driver handed over his driving license as the policeman (and in some instances policewoman) took it and went round the front to check their licenses on the windshield. Just before they arrived in Nairobi the driver struck up a conversation with the other passenger seated in the driver’s cabin and our source was shocked to learn that at every stop Kshs 100 had been handed over to the police. The driver grimly announced that there was no way they would have passed the roadblock without parting with the said sum of money.

This blog has been at the forefront of screaming about the extra-judicial killings the police have been accused of, more so during the tenure of police commissioner Brigadier Ali. However as painful as it is to have people killed without due process, sometimes when they are completely innocent and were simply at the wrong place at the wrong time, one can clearly see the wisdom of such a policy. The latest figures show that violent crime has fallen dramatically and it seems that many violent criminals have simply been executed.

Major General Ali was appointed police commissioner from the military early in the Kibaki tenure. The difference between soldiers and policemen incase you did not know is that policemen are trained to enforce the law while soldiers are trained to kill. As much as I hate to say it and as much as there have been terrible, terrible human rights violations, it seems that Ali’s tactics have worked after all.

That is the Kenya we live in.

And as quite a number of commentators here have quite rightly pointed out, we are calling for change in our leadership. BUT that change must start with us. How can we demand an end to corruption in high places when we greatly admire that girl next day who globe-trots trafficking drugs under the cover of being an international businesswoman? Or even worse we do not mind slipping Kshs 100 to that policeman to avoid the inconvenience of going to court to answer for our smooth tyres.

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Thursday, December 18, 2008

TSC Planting Big Parents-Teachers Tension

Kenyan institutions never cease to amaze with colourful blueprints that are purposely authored to generate plenty of heat and no light. So now the Teachers Service Commission (TSC) has introduced the so-called radical measures to select, appoint and deploy head teachers.

Never short of lofty and high-sounding nouns, TSC has developed a policy document, Identification, Selection, Appointment, Deployment and Training of Head Teachers, in an attempt to improve the management of learning institutions.

Nothing wrong with this marvelous new policy if only it was meant to be implemented as authored. But alas, in Kenya you have to be overtly and covertly optimistic to divorce expediency in such grand schemes.

You don’t have to be a neurosurgeon to see the impending tension between communities left to build their own schools only for TSC to deploy a professional head teacher whose modus operandi is at odds with the local interests. Not employing their sons and daughters who may not be qualified is a definite source of tension and eventual fallout.

TSC has professionally proposed that heads of post-primary institutions only become eligible for deployment outside their localities and communities. That would be sweet music to educationists since the move would effectively sever the links of patronage and nepotism in addition to reducing pursuit of personal interests often seen in running matatus and kiosks.

Social integration among the youth at their formative ages would be a great leap into banishing retrogressive mindset moulded in ETHNIC SUPERIORITY. We have witnessed the perils of being a student of Chepkoilel primary school proceeding to Chepkoilel Secondary and then qualifying for Chepkoilel Campus. Him who is not travelled/exposed often thinks his mum is the best cook. Long gone are the good old days when Mr. Mwamburi was a revered teacher in Suneka Primary School his not speaking Kisii notwithstanding.

TSC’s new directive amounts to making micro fundamental policies in a flawed national fabric. Granted secondary education is the best platform to plat the seed of national cohesion among the numerous Kenyan tribes. But Moi’s ruinous ERROR witnessed populist expansion of education at the expense of quality and structure. 8-4-4 is a marvelous idea working flawlessly in Canada but Moi never left implementation of Mackay’s commission to professionals. The end product was to have specialized professions like music and art/craft bastardized to juvenile levels.

Slaying flies with a hammer
Apologists to the present political dispensation will readily jump to the cliche tokenism to use Moi's low bar for Kibaki. Education is such an important corner stone of a country's identity and prospect that must not be left at the whims of populism and machinations of scoundrels. The last six years have been no better as evident in populating the Ministry of education with the right DNA top heavy with dinosaurs.

It is not difficult to see the localized version of our quest to SUCCEED academically at whatever cost. Last years KCSE fiasco is a case in point where parents conspired with teachers to finance widespread exam cheating. Apologists may downplay that as an isolated episode but not for those conversant with Kenya’s steady decline in education standards over the past years. The nationwide cheating was only evident when the scandal gained CRITICAL MASS.

The TSC policy is a right move that only scratches the surface of a national affliction education with potential long term consequences. Kenya prides itself in her enormous human resources. But leaving educational infrastructure in the hands of villagers only to shove head teachers down their throats is a recipe of rural tension and subsequent downturn in quality.

Until we prioritize education and leave its policies to professionals, Kenya will continue living the national lie of being a regional hub of excellence. Inferior politics that never spares any sector its ugly claws is our bane.

Evil should never be allowed to Triumph

Our country has come (and gone) through a lot of shakeups in recent times. And in all these circumstances we have realized that we are our own worst enemies. Yes, we are enemies to our very own existence.

Well, and the ruling elite has been doing very little to steer us clear off the path of self-destruction. In fact, our leaders have been out to aggravate matters. Some of the people we let sail into Kenya’s cockpit, the driving seat, have completely forgotten what the electorate mandated them to do.

Some of them have forgotten that the common man (the mwananchi) is their employer – at least we pay their salary by being faithful to paying our taxes!

They forgot their employer (and what the employer wanted done) the minute they stepped into the “job”. The job mesmerized them. They were inundated with all manner of “pressures” that saw them forgetting that their employer wants results and not just mere babble.

When in the House, they forget that they are discussing the future of their employer, you and me. They twist issues and pass bills to save their own skins (from the flip-side of their avarice!). They fight to continue living while subjecting their employers to a life of utter doom and heartache.

This is not right!

They do not want to pay taxes like the rest of us. They don’t want a dime of their fat cheques touched in the name of paying tax. This is a case of an employee being better than the employer in the employer’s office! Quite an incongruous state of affairs.

They forget that we cried foul when they were awarding themselves “plump” pay packets sometime back. They got their way then. It pained us. And now they do not want to pay taxes. This is too much!

Are they not Kenyans? Are they not supposed to pay taxes like the rest of us? Or are they trying to say that they are better than the people who pay their salaries? Are they better than the people they represent? Are they “more equal” than us?

Oh, my head is going round and round in circles.

They forget that people in this country have not fully healed from the effects of the post-election violence that characterized the start of this year. People who lost their loved ones, property, homes, livelihoods and …hope are yet to get a respite from the physical, emotional and psychological devastation that was “visited on them”.

But our employees, our leaders, pretend that everything is okay and that, because the violence is no more, then, everything is all right.


Everything is not okay.

There are so many people who are yet to be resettled but our leaders are not doing enough to alleviate the plight of the IDPs by presenting workable solutions. The very people who are supposed to come to the rescue of the mwanachi are closing their ears to our cries and pleas. A very sorry state indeed!

And the other day these same people, the voices (nay, “noises!”) in the House, passed a bill aimed at gagging the vehicles of information in Kenya. They want to make sure that their employer does not get to know what kind of people they (our leaders) are.

How will you and I get to know them well if they strangulate the editorial process? How will you and I get glimpses of “the behind-the-scenes” if (and when) they completely gag the media? If (and when) this happens, are we going to claim to be a democratic nation? Are the members of the ruling elite waiting for 2012 to start listening to us?

This can never be allowed to continue happening. We must stand up to decry their “tyranny”. Yes, and it should be done with the needed vehemence. I like what Edmund Burke says: The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
If we continue resting on our laurels and do nothing about anything, then, we could be in the same position even 100 years from today. Nothing will have changed.

You know if we continue doing things the way we have always done and then expect different results, then, if someone calls us crazy, we should take the punch humbly. It is preposterous to expect different results if we continue employing the same methods to achieve a certain goal.

The kind of people this country needs (both the employer and employee)

A time like this demands: strong minds, great heights, true faith and ready hands;
Men whom the lust of office does not kill;
Men whom the spoils of office cannot buy;
Men who possess opinions and a will;
Men who have honour; Men who will not lie;
Men who can stand before a demagogue;
And damn their treacherous flatteries without winking;

Kenyans, we have a long way to go. A long way to true freedom and truth.

So, vaa hiyo nguo ya kazi (put on your apron) for you should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and truth. It is murky business…

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The advantages of online job hunting

Be the change you so much seek

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Harambee Stars Shoot Up in FIFA World Rankings

PIC: Kenya striker Allan Wanga (L) controls the ball as Namibia's Jammal Mohammed looks on during their 2010 World Cup qualifying soccer match in Nairobi September 6 2008.

Guys, things could never have been better for local soccer!

Sometime mid this year when this blogger decided to publish a story on this forum highlighting on the efforts of the Minister Raila Odinga to revive soccer and sporting in general, not many people took it seriously. At that time, many saw it from a myopic political point of view.

How wrong they were, because as I type these lines, it was announced yesterday that national team Harambee Stars’ FIFA ranking has skyrocketed to an all time high position 68th globally , 14th in Africa and the best amongst the CECAFA region. Needless to say, this is the highest ranking Kenya has ever achieved in history. As it is, Kenya are the biggest African movers in the FIFA world rankings table, jumping 17 places to 68th.

Even as we celebrate this remarkable achievement, politics aside, we should not forget that were it not for the personal intervention of Raila and his one-on-one meetings with Sepp Blatter of FIFA, Kenya could in all probability be serving an indefinite suspension from world football today.

What does the new ranking mean? It means that Kenya footballers can now sign for what is arguably the most exciting professional league in world football - the English Premier League - because the British government only issues work permits to players who originate from countries that have ranked 70th and below. Not only are players highly paid at this league, the standards of the game are very competitive and English teams regularly reach the finals, semis and quarters of the European Champions League – again arguably the most prestigious soccer competition in the world after the FIFA World Cup.

All this could translate into raising standards locally, like has happened to other countries whose players turn out for the EPL. Professional football is not just big business for agents, promoters, marketers and governments, it is also in today’s world a career in itself. The news comes at a time when Harambee Stars are poised to play final qualifying matches for the 2010 World Cup and also when the team have just reported to camp for the CECAFA Senior Challenge Cup to be held in Uganda from December 31. From the “Russia Stand” of the stadium, bloggers please join me in yelling Oliech, Obama, Odinga!!!!

Hongera to the Harambee stars and their head Coach Francis Kimanzi. Clap Clap Clap.

View Harambee Stars FIFA World Ranking History here

View the FIFA/Coca-Cola World Ranking Table Here

Kumekucha’s Unorthodox Methods

How I get my hot information

In my previous post about Diasporans being Kenya’s top foreign exchange earner, one of our oldest and most loved contributors, Phil challenged the information contained in my post. This is quite in order and indeed the very nature of such a forum as this one is to discuss, debate and even challenge information contained here. That is in fact what Kumekucha thrives on.

I have however decided to take this opportunity to clarify a few things for newer readers of the most popular political blog on Kenya. But before I do so let me just clear the air for Phil and all those who doubt the accuracy of my information on the post on Diasporans.

Officially Diasporans were the highest forex earner for Kenya last year and accounted for a whooping Kshs 70 billion. The World Bank estimates that unofficial remittances by Diasporans are about 50 per cent of the official figure which would bring the figure to 105 billion. Read this article for full details.

The truth is that the government has never taken this amazing source of forex earnings seriously until very recently. Indeed I got my information long before the whole thing became official and the truth is that this is the real reason behind the amazing strength of the Kenyan shilling against foreign currencies for a number of years now.

You see unlike many other blogs, I DO NOT read the daily newspapers and then recycle the information here. I usually do my own research. The sources I use and insiders give me the information in strict confidence and therefore I can never name my sources. Indeed many times I write in sentences to mask my possible sources of information because my number one rule is to protect my sources at all costs.

This policy has served me well over the years and that is something any reader can verify by going through old posts. You will notice that generally Kumekucha talks about things that become breaking news many months later.

Of course there is a weakness with this policy and the resultant writing style as far as journalism rules are concerned because a casual reader will think that I am picking up the information from the air or creating it in my mind because I hardly ever attribute information to sources.

Well now you know better.

Once again I thank all you patriotic Kenyans who have trusted me with extremely sensitive information some of which I have even been unable to publish here (hence the creation of my raw notes). A Big Thank you, guys. Kenya owes you.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Kenya Imposes Strict Sanctions Against Somalia’s President....lol!!

Bwa ha ha ha ha! Bwa ha ha ha ha!

Yes folks, this Wetangula man is in fact a comedian. He has slapped President Abdullahi Yusuf with a travel ban..lol. Progress is seeing Kenya actualize the credibility to issue sanctions. Well, henceforth, the president of Somalia is barred from crossing the Kenyan border. But that’s not all folks; included in the adverse action is an order to freeze the presidents’ assets in Kenya. I imagine that would include bank accounts and real estate. Meanwhile, an internationally sort Rwandese fugitive is investing heavily in Kenya’s real estate and industry, operating several fat bank accounts and living nondescriptly in expensively furnished cellars of ambassadorial mansions ‘under construction’.

So what did Mr. President do to deserve such shabby treatment from a government that respects the AU charter on the sovereignty of countries such as Zimbabwe? He fired his non-performing Prime Minister and replaced him with his ally. More like a hybrid cabinet reshuffle…affecting one person. The kind of thing Moi used to do by the roadside while munching on roast maize and sweet bananas.

Of course no Kenyan wants to see Somalia disintegrate further. Its proximity alone should be reason enough for worry. But even with that said, don’t you find it a tad strange that our government continues to offer the African explanation when taken to task on Zimbabwe. Zimbabwe might not be an officially recognized war zone but the suffering of its people is incredible.

Responsible governments must join the International Community in pressurizing Mugabe to step down. As they do so, they must also ask the AU to close shop.

The Coming Revolution: Who Wants To Fool With This 200 Kgs Gorilla?

You don’t fool around with a 200 kilo Gorilla.

You just don’t.

To emphasize this point many Americans would replace the words “fool around” with one four letter word for emphasis. It really matters little that you may be more intelligent than the Gorilla or that you have gone to school and it has not. When you come face to face with it, you just have to get out of the way pronto.

As far as Kenya is concerned Kenyans in the Diaspora cannot be ignored. To me they are that 200 kilo Gorilla. For starters they played a very key role in the last general elections and I am surprised that the Waki report does not mention them. Many people still don’t know it but they were ODM’s secret weapon. PNU also got a lot of “teeth” from Kenyans out there. Secondly they have been Kenya’s top foreign exchange earner for years with their remittances back home. In fact several industries in Kenya these days owe their very existence to our beloved brothers and sisters in the Diaspora.

Lets take a quick peep into history. Historians tell us that soldiers returning from the first and Second World War were major catalysts in our struggle for independence from our colonial masters. They came back different people after seeing the world out there. In my humble view Kenyans in the Diaspora will play an even more significant role in the coming revolution that will sweep right across the continent and leave Africa barely recognizable from the old stereotypes of everything that has gone wrong.

But there is a major problem currently best illustrated by the dramatic change that takes place to diasporans when they return home. More so I am talking about their political views. I have several friends who have argued with me for hours about things I have said here on Kumekucha when they are out there. But when they come back home they quickly change their positions and begin to agree with me on almost everything. Folks in other words it is really important to be on the ground or at least to have your ears on the ground. Of course this blog helps in that a lot and that is why some folks are really upset with it. (But that is a story for another day).

Indeed I made that mistake of assuming things in the early years of this blog. In the run up to the constitutional referendum of 2005 I predicted in this blog that the Yes, banana vote would prevail. Many readers of this blog do not know it but they have benefited immensely from that mistake I made because I went to great pains to ensure that never again, no matter where in the world I am would I lose touch with the ordinary Kenyans on the ground. I dare say many comments on this blog from our brothers and sisters out there clearly demonstrate that they are a little out of touch.

But as I said earlier, Diasporans cannot be ignored and they are a constituency that is way too powerful to be disregarded. I am aware that some prominent bloggers here love to call them “voteless”. Whatever that means. But I am talking about an influence that reaches into the ballot box even where no direct voting takes place.

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In my book they are much more powerful than the legislature that was busy this afternoon flexing its' muscles, with some MPs emphasizing the superiority of parliament and some accusing each other of “playing to the gallery”. Now that is very strange indeed because isn’t that exactly what an MP is supposed to do? They are all elected by the people who ultimately wield the real power as some of those cocky braggarts will discover in the not too distant future. MPS are supposed to play to the gallery of the people. The people are the ultimate law makers in the country and they speak through their leaders. However in Kenya things have been a little different. The Parliamentarians are the bosses and the people are pawns to be conned and cheated and bribed at election time.

Not any more.

Mark my words. Not any more. And NEVER AGAIN.

The Daily Nation says that our hero Fredrick Odhiambo is lucky to be alive. Well the guy in Iraq who threw shoes at President George Bush is not admitted to a hospital is he? And yet that was much more life-threatening. Read the amazing confessions of Fredrick Odhiambo.

The hottest story on Kumekucha this past weekend;

Is Safaricom's Michael Joseph a threat to the ruling class and the rich and powerful?

Which member of the current executive in Kenya was carried out of a function recently, unconscious due to overindulgence in hard drinks? Millions of Kenyans have never known that this man has had a drinking problem for years. The amazing story is in this weeks’ Kumekucha Confidential. Subscribe now, it is FREE. Send a blank email now to:

kumekucha-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

If you are already a subscriber you do not have to do anything. The hot info should already be in your email in-box.

Plenty of Kenyan jobs available at this site.

Be sure to check out this mouth-watering African dishes in Nairobi.

Monday, December 15, 2008

The I-Don’t-Care-Attitude Of Our Leaders Clearly Came Out In The President’s Chilling Remarks

Emilio Stanley "Wacha wapigane" Mwai Kibaki.


It is not too difficult to imagine Mwai Kibaki saying the very same chilling words he said at Nyayo Stadium on Jamuhuri day earlier this year when Kenya was burning. He probably said them many, many times last year and maybe at the beginning of this year... in private.

There is too much evidence to suggest that he did.

If the NSIS evidence given to the Waki commission is to be believed, the president was fully briefed of the gathering storms running up to the disputed general elections last year.

Wacha wale wanataka kupigana wapigane.” (Let those who want to fight fight). I can imagine him saying those very same words when he was warned of impending violence in the country.

As I reviewed a tape a few minutes ago where he spoke those words a chill went up my spine and I remembered immediately the events leading up to the troubles of early this year that saw many innocent Kenyans killed, maimed and raped. And more so what the NSIS told the Waki commission. That they were fully aware that there was going to be trouble. If the NSIS knew did the President NOT know? Of course he did because the NSIS exists mainly to brief the president of their findings. So why didn’t somebody take action? Why didn’t the president take action?

Assuming that the president did not receive the advice from the intelligence people with the same attitude he faced angry Kenyans on Friday, Jamuhuri day, then we need to ask ourselves the question whether that is the way leaders are supposed to speak in public anyway. With such arrogance??

Wacha wale wanataka kupigana wapigane.”

Would former President Daniel arap Moi have spoken in the same I-don’t-care-attitude? I am sorry but that second president of the republic of Kenya has been made to look so good by the current blundering, tribal presidency.

And neither can Prime Minister Raila Odinga escape blame for the terrible things that happened in this country. He knew very well that his political strategy to win the presidency was driving Mwai Kibaki up against a wall and isolating our dear Kikuyu brothers. Yet he continued with it and did not take leadership and stop even for a minute to take stock. If only to save precious Kenyan lives. Is making it to State House worth the unnecessary death of one single innocent Kenyan? Let alone the thousands who died?

Those who have said that we lack leadership in Kenya I must say that they are absolutely correct. What we call leadership are those morons in parliament busy with a circus that is NOT funny. Passing laws that would not even have been passed in apartheid South Africa and then turning round and telling us that they are against those laws and that they were not in parliament when they were being passed by their colleagues. What mavi ya ngombe is that??? More so in this age of cell phones and instant communications?

So where the hell were they? On Koinange street perhaps?

Post Updated by Chris
I told you guys that Kenya is a police state. Remember the guy who was arrested from Nyayo Stadium for disrupting the president's speech as part of the protest by Kenyans? His name is Fredrick Odhiambo. Well he was beaten up so badly that he is now receiving treatment at the Nairobi Women's Hospital. Some ordinary wananchi are perturbed that Mr Odhiambo was taken to the "Women's hospital" and told a Kumekucha reporter on the streets of Nairobi today; "Odhiambo is no longer a man - walimufinya sehemu za siri" (they assualted him in his private parts). Nothing of the sort happened because the Nairobi Women's hospital specializes on cases of people who have been brutualized not necessarily in the way these Nairobians were suggesting.

It looks like the cops followed instructions from their boss to the letter. Let those who would dare want to fight a police state, fight.


The hottest story on Kumekucha this past weekend;

Is Safaricom's Michael Joseph a threat to the ruling class and the rich and powerful?

Which member of the current executive in Kenya was carried out of a function recently, unconscious due to overindulgence in hard drinks? Millions of Kenyans have never known that this man has had a drinking problem for years. The amazing story is in this weeks’ Kumekucha Confidential. Subscribe now, it is FREE. Send a blank email now to:

kumekucha-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

If you are already a subscriber you do not have to do anything. The hot info will be in your email in-box shortly.

Plenty of Kenyan jobs available at this site.

Dream Package cheap honeymoon holidays in East Africa at affordable rates this Christmas. Avoid crowded Mombasa.

Be sure to check out this mouth-watering African dishes in Nairobi.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Kibaki Couldn't Have Asked For A Better Christmas Gift

The President won't sign the damn bill.

Suddenly Kenyans are dealing with one of the worst Parliaments in history, to the point where a majority of the nation's suffering people are beginning to see in Kibaki a common sense modorate. That the country has come to this point within eleven months is an indictment of the the Kenyan electorate that perpetually accepts handouts from these scoundrels, just as much as it is a thumbs down on what is shaping up to be the most insensitive, authoritarian Parliaments in the history of this republic. It's indeed regretable that some of us hailed these youthful leaders as the right people to lead Kenya after last year's elections. How wrong we were!

Within a year these men and women, hell bent on enriching themselves, have gone from refusing to pay taxes, to playing games with unga, to passing one of the most draconian bills this side of post-Moi Kenya. What is even more stunning is that the ODM, the party most Kenyans were looking up to for progress, was part of this withering betrayal. Where was James Orengo when this law was passed? Where was William Ruto and Musalia? Why didn't the Prime Minister voice his outrage? Don't you find it disingenuous that these men are suddenly distancing themselves from the bill? They can try all they want, but I know that when Kenya needed them, they turned the other way and voted for oppression. Coming from Orengo and Imanyara and Raila and the other second liberation titans, this is a biting betrayal. Should we now be comforted that they will stop the bill? Jesus Christ, what do these people take us for?

So is Kenya ready for a revolution as I hear some pundits beginning to forecast? Not really. We haven't reached the point where the pressing matters this nation is dealing with are without solutions. Unga can and must be fixed. The MPs taxes will be fixed. As for the media supression bill, the President WON'T sign it. I have that from an authoriative source. And when you come to think of it, the incessant overeach of this bungling Parliemant has handed President Kibaki the best Christmas gift of his career. While the MPs now look like power-drunk dictators, Kibaki...by not signing this bill...emerges from this brouhaha looking like a consumate democrat. Whenever things go wrong in Kenya now, all he has to do is point a finger at Parliament. How these roles have changed within a year is one of the most fascinating political occurences this closing year. If I were Kibaki, I'd milk this trend for all it's worth.

Maybe not a revolution, but the government must sense that Kenyans are in no mood to accept crap from anyone anymore. It's now imperative that out leaders, at all levels, do the right thing or watch as the magnitude of grievances in Kenya grows exponentially to the point where a revolution becomes inevitable. In case they doubt that this can happen, all they need to do is harken back to the disheartening events of last Friday, when furiuos Kenyans, across the board, disapproved of the direction the nation is going. To a man, you could sense the collective No from Kenyans. To make this clearer let me put it this way. Kenyans have laernt that their problems are not caused by the poor Kikuyu, poor Luo, poor Kalenjin, poor Luhya or the poor Kisii next door. No. They now know that these problems, including the unending divisions in this country, are caused by the unscrupulous MPs and successive governments that have never shed colonial tactics.

Kenyans now know who the enemy is.

Our minds have been liberated ahead of 2012.

In just four years we will join hands, after these enemies of Kenya are defeated, and we will sing Free at last, Free at last, thank God Almighty, we're Free at last.

Our Politicians Only Fooling Themselves

It is both funny and irresponsible to see MPs shouting fire in a crowded hall after absconding from heir primary role of making laws by absenting themselves from parliament when needed most. Now that they have been exposed, they are all shouting at Kibaki not to sign the passed Communication (Amendment) Bill into law. Leaves you wondering whom do these scoundrels think they are fooling apart from themselves.

Our MPs have institutionalized DECEPTION by lying through their oddly-spaced teeth. In their warped mindset they believe Kenyans will swallow all the balderdash they spew. Make no mistake, there is no love lost between the politicians and the media. And the truth is the media must be regulated. That said there is no need to re-invent the wheel and the practice world over on responsible journalism is stringent self-regulation and not our penchant to legalize raids headed by ALIENS from Armenia.

MPs’ behaviour is symptomatic of our shamelessness to lie and get away with it no matter the consequences, personal or national. Shaggy’s song IT WASN’T ME has never been more poetic. Now that the politicians are experiencing first hand signs of open revolt they are ruing their selfish antics to have us bend as they rape as some more. The spectre of food riots is one reality that change the political landscape forever.

But the MPs still don’t get it. The national mood is so FLUID no politician is safe from being heckled and shouted off stage. Even the time-tested contempt to egg the protesters on is meeting new challenges if nasty and violent scenes at Nyayo Stadium are any measure of dissatisfaction. Even Bush is not immune to SHOE MISSILE.

Food riots
Kenya and her leaders have taken deception to new levels. Only on these shores is lying on camera and denying it on the same screen acceptable and whitewashed with some hair splitting gimmicks. Mugabe must have outsmarted his Kenyan teachers is denying cholera outbreak and even claiming that the disease was exported from the west to remove him from power. That stunt must have sounded familiar as the ANGLO LEASING scandal that never was.

Minister Poghisio knew well when to strike the fatal blow on the media’s underbelly. With a partisan and fractious parliament he only needed a handful of COMPLIANT MPs and hurrah the bill is headed from presidential ascent. The media owners can scream themselves hoarse but Sam holds no hostage to sectarian interests. Damn the national interests, MPs have had the sweetest revenge served on the media.

The present standoff provides the best platform to launch campaign for TRUE REFORMS. But trust such a resolve to be a casualty of short-term political memory that will soon see demonstrations take ETHNIC SLOGANS. But the good news MAY be that finally the civic society is finally waking from their slumber after their fire was extinguished by embedding them in government.

M-Pesa Panic: Who is Afraid of Michael Joseph?

It seems that ordinary Kenyans are constantly on a collision course with the rich and corrupt in this country. Even as the MPs refusal to pay taxes and the media bill fiasco rages there is more trouble brewing in the horizon with the M-Pesa controversy. Truly bado mapabano.

Michael Joseph CEO Safaricom: Is this man such a serious threat to the rich and powerful in Kenya?

I know business is terribly boring to many of you my dear readers, but kindly bear with me for a few minutes and I will explain in simple terms what every Kenyan must know.

Acting Finance Minister has ordered an audit of Safaricom’s M-Pesa and has expressed fears that the popular service could be used for money laundering saying that the relevant experts and government bureaucrats should investigate the matter urgently. The timing of the statement was not lost on keen observers because Safaricom’s parent company, Vodafone had just finalized a mega deal with Western Union that will allow direct transfer of funds to M-Pesa subscribers in Kenya on their phones.

Let us not waste time with many words. What Michuki is saying is RUBBISH!!! Pure and simple. And there are many reasons for this. Firstly saying that somebody would use M-Pesa to launder cash is like saying that thugs will use 5 rounds revolvers to outgun the flying squad’s automatic AK-47s and Israeli Uzis. M-Pesa has a limit of Kshs 35,000 for every individual transaction. For money laundering to work well, one needs huge transactions to clean money and that is why the Nakumatt Supermarkets route for money launders worked like a dream. Just think about it, how many transactions of Kshs 35,000 would one need to "clean" a mere billion shillings? Mind boggling isn’t it? Then there are a couple of other safeguards that Safaricom have put in place that I will not go into just now.

Want to know what money laundering means in simple terms and the Nakumatt money laundering story?

So now that we have established that Michuki is talking rubbish, let us try and figure out exactly what is really happening here.

We know for a fact that the Finance Minister has close contacts of many years in the local Banking industry, some sources even claim has substantial interests. It is clear that the pressure on Michuki to talk as he is talking is coming from mainstream banks. So the next question is how does a money transfer service mainly for ordinary folk like M-Pesa threaten the banking industry?

First of all I want to remind you that the remittance of Money back home by Kenyans in the diaspora has been the main foreign exchange earner for Kenya for a number of years now (but the government only started talking about it recently). All that money until now has been paid through the banks. You can imagine how much mainstream banks are earning from it in terms of commissions when people go to them to cash in funds from Western Union. Indeed that is one of the very few big profit areas remaining for banks these days. One of the reason is that big banks like Barclays and Standard Chartered have not been able to figure out yet how to attract back the small man in large enough numbers to make a difference. Well there is also the little matter of numerous Kenyans who were chased away (and abusive language was used) by these banks when they closed numerous “small accounts” as they were drunk with Treasury Bill interest profits. The banks said that these small customers were not viable and were a waste of time. Which was probably true at the time because widespread use of ATMs had not yet penetrated this market. My point is that too many Kenyans still have bitter memories of these big banks.

Then the big customers they were relying on when they chased away “small accounts” are dwindling in number, besides they are too few to go round the numerous banks we have in Kenya all scrambling for them. (Did you know that Kenya has the highest number of banks in sub-Saharan Africa at 46? Higher than Nigeria and South Africa?). Not to mention the global economic melt down that has hit some local banks very hard.

Secondly Zain have announced that plans are at an advanced stage to launch cell phone banking in Kenya. M-Pesa is strictly a money transfer service and it has already proved to be devastating to banks, now imagine what the effect of a full cell-phone banking service would be? And to make matters worse, this comes at a time when banks have been hit hard by the Equity Bank phenomenon. As you read this we have a total about 4 to 5 million account holders in Kenya. Out of those over 2.5 million (and rapidly growing) are with Equity Bank. The big banks have tried everything, including spreading malicious lies that Equity is in financial trouble or is headed for collapse. It has not worked. They have also poached staff in hoards from Equity, but they have still not been able to replicate the Equity Bank magic. Well I have some free advice for them. The executives who make key decisions at these banks need to move from Westlands and Kilimani and live somewhere like Dandora or Eastlands for a month to even begin to understand the ordinary Kenyan, the very person they are trying to attract as a client.

The bottom line is that M-Pesa is a very convenient service for many poor and middle class Kenyans and they have responded by using it in such huge volumes. The service is a vital lifeline for many ordinary wananchi now.

Contrast that with the real money launderers of Kenya who are Mr Michuki’s colleagues in the crowded grand coalition cabinet. Remember the still unresolved Anglo-Leasing scam? Remember the leaked Kroll report which detailed billion of shillings being laundered abroad, some of it from Nigeria’s former dictator Sani Abacha coming to Kenya on transit abroad? Ironically the worst crimes in Kenya’s financial sector have been committed by the so called big banks. Citibank for instance is the main bank that has been used by the likes of Gideon Moi to transfer huge sums of stolen public funds overseas, according to the Kroll report and other impeccable sources.

So what is Michuki really up to? Is the idea to shut down M-pesa so that the big banks benefit? Or perhaps to introduce new regulations to ensure that all the cash passes directly through banks who will charge hefty commissions of course?

See also: Is Michael Joseph A Business Genius Or What?


Which member of the current executive in Kenya was carried out of a function recently, unconscious due to overindulgence in hard drinks? Millions of Kenyans have never known that this man has had a drinking problem for years. The amazing story is in this weeks’ Kumekucha Confidential. Subscribe now, it is FREE. Send a blank email now to:

kumekucha-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

If you are already a subscriber you do not have to do anything. The hot info will be in your email in-box shortly.

Plenty of Kenyan jobs available at this site.

Dream Cheap package honeymoon holidays in East Africa at affordable rates this Christmas. Avoid crowded Mombasa.

Be sure to check out this mouth-watering Delicious African dishes in Nairobi.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Is Michael Joseph A Business Genius Or What?

It is ironic that one of the reasons why Michael Joseph was posted to Kenya by Vodafone was because it was felt that he did not have the necessary “papers” to head a Vodafone operation in Europe or elsewhere. So Africa was the place. And yet keen observers have been able to quickly identify this man as one of the major driving forces behind the phenomenal success of Safaricom.

He came up with and pushed the M-Pesa idea very hard even when it looked like a pretty risky venture that could go badly wrong. But what really bawled me over were the recent events at the mobile phone operator.

It all started when Zain (formerly Celtel) came up with the Kshs 3 a minute call rate and were quickly followed by Orange mobile’s Kshs 1 a minute call rate.

I must admit that even I thought that this was the beginning of the end of Safaricom. I said to myself that their M-Pesa service would come in very handy now that there would be greatly reduced profits from their core revenue source of talk air time. And there were good reasons for this deduction. The Safaricom IPO had caused a lot of anger against the company as the shares continue to plummet. Then it was clear that what was going to result was a price war of sorts. Maybe Safaricom would have to come up with a call rate of 90cts a minute or something, thought.

But even as the dark clouds continued to gather rapidly at the Safaricom headquarters along Waiyaki Way in Nairobi, Michael Joseph and his troops were preparing to pull yet another rabbit from the hat.

That "rabbit from the hat" was the Jibambie campaign where call charges are pegged on the air time value that a customer purchases with a Kshs 1,000 scratch card qualifying for a kshs 3 per minute call rate (lower than the Kshs 4 rate that has always been charged to post paid customers).

This single idea completely changed the ground rules. Kshs 1,000 cards have suddenly become very popular which in turn has greatly revived the dealer and re-seller interest which had rapidly been waning in the days when Bamba Mbao (The Kshs 20 scratch card) ruled. Naturally with higher commission potential, every small shop and retail outlet now sells the Safaricom Kshs 1,000 scratch cards these days. Imagine what that does to the company treasury apart from helping the company avoid an ugly price war and in the process completely changing the ground rules? So far there has been absolutely no response from their competitors to this "checkmate" move.

Read the amazing Michael Joseph story.

Plenty of Kenyan jobs available at this site.

Dream Cheap package honeymoon holidays in East Africa at affordable rates this Christmas. Avoid crowded Mombasa.

Be sure to check out this mouth-watering Delicious African dishes in Nairobi.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Mugabe Lies through his Teeth: A Typical African Leader

There is no other thing I can call it. It is and was a lie. Period. In fact, it is a statement that exemplifies a life lived in utter denial. A sorry state of life.

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Published just a few hours ago: Jamuhuri day Chaos
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And because of his (Mugabe’s) headstrong stands and statements, millions of people in Zimbabwe live in utter penury and their lives seem to be chapters in a book titled “The Incorrigible Testament: Shattered lives; Blighted hopes.

With the current cholera crisis in Zimbabwe (among other murkier crises), and with 800 plus people dead and more that 16000 people suffering from it, Mr. Mugabe had (and still HAS it under his skin for it is his magic wand) the nerve to say that there is no cholera in Zimbabwe. OMG!

He said in a nationwide televised speech yesterday:
“There is no cholera in Zimbabwe. I am happy to say our doctors have been assisted by others and the WHO [World Health Organisation]. So now there is no cholera.”

He said that western powers were using the disease as an excuse for intervening in the country.

“There is no cause for war anymore…The cholera cause does not exist anymore,” he said.

He says this against a backdrop of utter suffering by the Zimbabwean citizenry. What with a collapsed health care system as most of the country’s hospitals and clinics are not operating. The situation is compounded by the current food crisis in the country as there is no food in the shops. There is also a lack of clean water. A really pathetic situation.

Mugabe says there is no cholera in Zimbabwe but the situation on the ground is dire and one that needs to be tackled “haraka sana”. A leader with the people’s interests at heart would have said something different and backed his statements with action to remedy the situation.

He says “THER IS NO CHOLERA!” while South African officials have declared a stretch of the border area with Zimbabwe to be a disaster zone because of the increase in cholera cases.
Who’s fooling who? Tell me!

My Two Cents to Mr. Mugabe:
Excuse me sir, give me your attention for a minute before you go out to make another “earth-shattering statement” that will leave the likes of me shuddering and shaking my head in utter unbelief.

Please remember, desperate situations need desperate solutions. Desperate situations cannot be remedied by administering denial. Zimbabwe does not need your vacillation at this time, sir. It needs concrete action. Only action will remedy that country, “your country”.

The problem with you, sir (forgive my “impudence”) is that your eyes are looking towards an outside threat to “your country”. You call “your threats” by name; you mention Messrs Sarkozy, Bush and Brown among a host of others you say are a threat to “your” country’s sovereignty. This is so because they have recently called for you to step down.

Do you realise that your country is simmering and on the brink of “shutting down”? Do you really know what is going on in your country (or maybe you just don’t care)?

What have the Zimbabwean people done to you to warrant such an uncaring attitude?

What do you have to say about what U.S. ambassador to Harare, James McGee, had to say when you said there was no cholera in Zimbabwe. He said that the cholera problem is getting worse and that your statement shows just how out of touch you are with reality. He says, too, that the situation is truly grim and that you, Robert Mugabe, and your cronies are holding Zimbabwe hostage.

You are holding your people hostage, umh. And what’s the price, Bob? The lives of innocent men, women and children…is that not it? Phewt!

See Related News Items:
Mugabe: Cholera crisis over

Mugabe claims Zimbabwe cholera outbreak stopped

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Angry Kenyans Mostly Silent At Jamuhuri Day Fete

This post has been updated see bottom of the page

If you thought that Kenya had sunk to its’ lowest ebb, then think again. Mambo bado.

Today is Jamuhuri day and ironically this day will be remembered for generations to come as the Jamuhuri day celebration that was held just after the 10th parliament and the ruling class celebrated a huge leap backwards in press freedom in our beloved country.

Wanted: Freedom fighters on the web now that the mainstream media has been successfully gagged by enemies of Kenya.

MPs have also successfully resisted paying any taxes on their huge allowances. There is little doubt now that the 10th parliament will now join the 9th parliament and others in the country’s crowded hall of SHAME. The 10th parliament has this week passed perhaps what is the most draconian media bill to ever be presented anywhere in the world since the apartheid days of South Africa.

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But folks there is some good news to report. The good news is that the struggle has picked up momentum. The revolution that will change Kenya is not too far off. It was rather clear from the mood of the public at Nyayo Stadium a few minutes ago that Kenyans are well aware of exactly where we are as a country and no amount of sugar-coated speeches will wash. Especially the kind where people take pride in saying "my government" (I though it is supposed to be the people's government?)

It is interesting that just towards the end of the President’s speech a few minutes ago, a man caused a commotion when he started shouting and was promptly gagged and roughly manhandled by security personnel as he was carried out kicking and still attempting to scream from Nyayo Stadium. As soon as he was out of view of he public, eye witnesses saw the man receiving a through beating from several policemen. There were loud protests from the crowd at the way the man was arrested and a section of the crowd promptly burst into the campaign song Msilale bado mapabano. (Don't sleep, the struggle is still on).

It is official folks, Kenya is a police state. A police state led by a very crowded, expensive coalition government cabinet that is just sitting there "eating" as Kenya goes to the dogs.

The gains made in securing media freedom in Kenya are now threatened by the horrible members of the August House. And yet these gains were made through the spilling of blood of many innocent Kenyans. It is very annoying to note that one Emilio Stanley himself today seats in State House due to the sacrifices that other Kenyans made to free the media enough for him to campaign to victory and yet he will probably not hesitate to append his signature on the immoral piece of paper that parliamentarians call a bill that will fall on his desk for signature shortly.

The said MPs passed the controversial Kenya Communication (Amendment) Bill 2008, without the alterations agreed upon between the Minister for Information and Communication Mr. Samuel Poghisio and members of the media owners association. This Bill was first brought into the precincts of the House in 2005 by the former minister for Information Mr. Mutahi Kagwe. After an outcry by the Media stations the president refused to assent to it then instead asking the members of parliament to amend it accordingly.

Unfortunately, Mutahi Kagwe’s departure was not the end of the Bill as expected. His wishes were continued by the PS Ministry of Information and Communication one Mr. Bitange Ndemo A man I sincerely despise and will never forget since he gave the order for the media blackout on 30th December 2007). I have no qualms calling that man an idiot!

Mr. Poghisio has held numerous meetings with the members of the media owners association promising them that the controversial clauses in the Bill shall be deliberated upon before it is passed. Poghisio also made assurances to the prime minister that that Bill would not be tabled without the requisite amendments. But that same afternoon Mr Poghisio after promising the country that he would take the concerns of media houses into consideration publicly on Q-FM he sneaked in the Bill backed by David Musila and with 23 other members of parliament passed the Bill without any amendments alleging it should not have been tempered with for the sake of national security. It has largely been said the passage of the Bill was a retaliatory attack on the media for pushing the agenda on the MPs to pay taxes.

Now the media fraternity is shouting itself hoarse about the effects of that Bill, which include having the Minister for Internal Security raid media houses to destroy equipment (ala the Michuki 2006 raid on the Standard media group), the Information minister shall have power to control broadcast content, what’s more the postal corporation shall have the power to open our letters without any consent from the court.

This Jamhuri Day morning radio presenter, Caroline Mutoko, Walter Mong'are, Larry Asego activist Mwalimu Mati and his wife together with about 20 other people were arrested at the Nyayo National stadium for wearing black t-shirts with loud messages on the MP’s tax refusal. It is said that in his arrest Nyambane was severely manhandled by the police after attempting to serve the president personally with the media petition. Some of the people arrested were stripped off their t-shirts. The arrested people were taken to Langata Police Station. Another sad day for Kenya on the anniversary of the day we attained independence. What a shame!

The Media houses are now ‘begging’ the MP for Othaya NOT to assent to the said Bill. I am a pessimist by nature and honestly don’t expect the MP for Othaya to do anything about it I mean come on this is the man whose wife stormed the Nation Media Group in the middle of the night a few years ago slapped a journalist and threw the company into disarray, making operations come to a complete halt for a few hours. This Kibaki is the same man who backed Michuki’s raid of the Standard group. So what kind of action are we expecting from him? Maybe a miracle will save this nation and Kibaki will refuse to assent to it once again but I am not holding my breath!

I will not despair either and may I just say thank God for blogs and other internet sites out there because it now seems that these shall be the only other way that the public will be able to receive unadulterated information from within our borders.


Post Update By Chris
Debate is good but it is important to stick to the facts. It is clear from the comments to this post that several eyewitnesses to the same event at Nyayo Stadium today saw different things. Phil did you forget to tell us that when the Prime Minister asked wananchi to agree with him that "Yes we can" they replied by quoting the popular Celtel slogan; "Vuka" (cross over). What they meant was that Raila should leave government immeditaly and cross over to the opposition.

It is also NOT true according to several commentators here that under President Kibaki there has been more press freedom. The fact is that under Kibaki more bills have been introduced in parliament to gag the press than has happened in the history of Kenya including the time the country was under colonial rule. That is a fact!!! Kibaki found a very free press in 2003 which the opposition had collectively fought for, spilling blood in the process. Kibaki then proceeded to dismantle that freedom. If the bill which was passed this week was really Mutahi Kagwe's brain child, then why did it not fizzle out with his departure from the August house? The truth is that the real force behind the Bill is the president himself. The fact that he did not sign it the last time was merely a political gimmick at a time when he was soon facing a general election.

Then another significant historical incident took place at Nyayo stadium today. For the first time we saw the president leaving his seat during a public holiday function to confer with the Prime Minister and the Speaker of the national assembly. They later returned to their seats after a few minutes. What were they discussing?

By the way when the president came into the stadium and was waving to the people, hardly anybody waved back. At least Moi knew one important secret, when people are hungry they can be ruthless animals. So he made sure that whatever happened Unga did not suddenly cost Kshs 130/- one morning because some minister wanted to make quick money. Such deals are not too bad with Sugar. But maize!!!!!!?????? Aiiii!!!!!

Lastly when a commotion ensued towards the end of the president's speech he cynically remarked; "let those who want to fight go ahead and fight." Is that how a leader of a nation handles themselves? Inciting or daring (depending on how you interpret his remarks) his dissatisfied people to fight?

It was very clear today at Nyayo stadium that the country is in "ignition mode" it needs only a small spark to get things really ugly. But alas, the political class do not see it like that.


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Thursday, December 11, 2008

Media Bill Product of Living National Lie

Tenth Parliament served the media sweet cold revenge marinated in the Kenya Communication (Amendment) Bill. And the Kenyan media must have seen it coming after their spirited exposure of the MPs’ lust and opposition to have their salaries taxed. Welcome to Kenyan politics and way of life where national good only stretches as far as personal aggrandizement.

This must be a very delicious pre-Christmas meal to the media just as we mark 45 years of independence whose tenets have been reduced to serve personal interest at the expense of the national good. Our myopic politicians may have just tightened the noose around their own necks albeit unwittingly so. They may smile from ear to ear cheating themselves that they have eventually nailed the press oblivious of the fact that the scribes will be their first port of call when they are out of political favour.

The present political class have summarily disabused us of the hitherto call for fresh political faces. They have proved no different from Shariff Nassirs of yore. Their selfish antics is an arrogant confirmation that all the high-sounding rhetoric were nothing but decoys meant to blind us from their ambitions to replace the eating at the table of impunity.

But again they are not alone. We have seen right here bigots clothe their tirades in unrivalled eloquence that redefines learned demagogy.

The good old adage that all that goes around comes around mean nothing to our political elite. A simple historical lesson would inform them that then Vice-President Kibaki ARTICULATELY seconded Njonjo’s 1982 bill to make Kenya an official dictatorship only to RUE his misplaced with and ELOQUENCE during his long stint in opposition politics.

Poisoned eloquence
Freedom is never granted but instedad it is bitterly and painfully fought for. Forget the entire fad that Kibaki has given Kenya the present freedom they enjoy. Times have changed and people have commensurately raised the bar. Only our politicians still draw pleasure and pride in primitive gimmicks.

Legalizing police raids on media house is akin to watering the seed of political incest where the Government would pretend to police itself in Parliament. Well, the politicians have selfishly made the bed and must accept to lie of it with all the thorns sprouting underneath. Self-regulation with independent arbiters is the practice the world over to have media remain responsible but not in Kenya.

That Kenya will never be the same after last year’s bungled election is no cliche. The truism that life changes fast and furiously and the villains of today can easily be tomorrow’s victims cannot be gainsaid. Double standards remain our bane to national progress.

Only Kenyans joyfully live the national lie in killing institutions and turn around to decry dearth of the same even before the burial ceremony if over. The Artur brothers must be exposing their post molars in obtuse exhilaration at the present turn of events.

2008 Awards From A Kumekucha Faithful

Hi Chris, I composed this for my beloved Kumekucha. Hope you will have the courage to publish it for the bloggers to unwind from the complex politics of the land. Cheers mate.

It's that time of the year again when we dish out the gongs and oscars to those well deserving Kenyans.

1. Crime of the year- MPs refusal to pay taxes. It doesn't get more sickening than this when other Kenyans are starving to death due to high cost of living. What an axis of evil this bunch is!

2. Slumber of the year- It's gotta be prezzo. The mzee likes his peace so much before making any statement that when he opens envelopes containing various problems facing the country, he finds the problems long fixed themselves naturally .

3. U-turn of the year- Ruto for opposing the Waki report as... "shoody', i"ll timed', blah blah, them embracing it saying it should be fully implemented. Aha, talk of Saul being converted on the way to Damascus! What's the catch?

4. Scandal of the year- The man made maize shortage whereby some top political dogs of war are making billions to a point of changing our nation's staple diet of Ugali. Don't expect any heads to roll.

5. Hypocrite of the year- Step forward Hon Ababu Namwamba of the box haircut fame. Very vocal in calling for an official oppostion, yet goes into hiding when asked about paying all his taxes. Politicking 24hrs a day, when Budalang'i people are drowning in floods right up to their eye-balls.

6. Event of the year- Good Old Kibaki being sworn hurriedly at night as 'duly elected' without pomp and colour.

7. Reformer of the Year- Hon Justice Phillip Waki for handing out a lifeline to Kenyans to end Impunity. Watch how this chance will be squandered!

8. Speech of the year- Hon Dr Khalwale on impeaching Kimunya. "To end impunity, Kimunya must go! To clean up the treasury, Kimunya must go! To arrest rampant corruption, Kimunya must go! Your wife can't give birt... Kimunya must go....."

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9. Minister of the year- Michuki asiye na chuki. For steering finance and environment dockets with charisma, dignity and pride.You can't please everyone but at your age, you are doing well

10. Worst minister--- You guessed it right--Chirau Ali Mwakwere. Road carnage is back, Matatu madness is back with many screening porn at night. It's all hell on the roads compared to Michuki's era yet this minister pockets a salary of Ksh 1,000,000 per month-- for doing----- absolutely nothing! Nice job if you get it.

11. Villain of the year- Step forward Bwana Kivuitu. Still getting huge pay despite the botched elections. How does this man sleep at night?

12. Puzzle of the year. Who is on the Waki's secret envelope? surely aren't they doomed despite the posturing?

13. Export of the year: Power sharing Kenyan style. It's being shipped to Zimbabwe, DR Congo..etc

14. Steal of the year: Moi's Range Rover worth Sh20M despite having all the tracking devices according to the police. You gotta salute those who pulled it off....

15. Man of the CENTURY! Our very own Barack Obama for thinking and executing the unthinkable! You did us proud son.

16. Blog of the year. Kumekucha for being steadfast, fearless and frank.


What say you? Do you agree with me? have your say....


Has Obama not stopped smoking?

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