The Kenyan Tribal Test

Are You A Tribalist? Here is a quick test to help you find out for sure…

(i) At the sight of this article headline, you sigh and wonder why this blogger just keeps on bringing up this boring topic of tribalism and why he keeps on insisting that it is the major issue in Kenya today while you know every well it is not. You don't need a psychologist to tell you that every time you hit a raw nerve or you start getting touchy, iko kitu.

(ii) What is the tribe of your spouse? Did you fall in love with somebody else first (of a different tribe) but chose to marry your current spouse because "it was the wise thing to do?"

(iii) Even worse, are you married to a member of another tribe but view the marriage as temporary and look at your children as belonging to a different tribe from yourself? Do you frequently make comments of your children like; "you certainly did not pick up that habit from our people."
I'm married to a Kikuyu and in the first few years of our marriage her friends used to greet her with the remarks, "Are you still with that Man?"

(iv) Do you feel that Raila Odinga is not Presidential material? List the reasons why? Do you know that out of all front runners for the presidency currently (Raila is a front runner because he was third in 1997 with over a million votes. The only other current front runner who has previously stood for the presidency is Uhuru Kenyatta) he is the person who has played the biggest role in helping bring reforms and the much-talked-about second liberation? Raila has given the most sacrifice for his political beliefs being detained by two presidents and narrowly missing the gallows over the 1982 coup? At one point he spent such a long time in political detention that his wife was virtually "inherited" by a relative because nobody believed that Raila would ever be released alive. He is also scandal-free despite concerted efforts to pin several scandals to him.

(v) Or do you feel that as a result of President Kibaki's tenure this seat should never go to a Kikuyu again? What are your feelings when you see President Kibaki? Deep hatred? Do you switch off the TV or quickly change channels when President Kibaki appears? The facts are that the President has been terrible at playing politics and has scored low on issues like fighting corruption. But today the Kenyan economy is the strongest in the region and policies like allowing the Kenyan currency to strengthen against major foreign currencies has cushioned the Kenyan people from rapidly rising world oil prices that have hit neighboring countries like Tanzania very hard indeed. Free primary education and the constituency development fund are initiatives of the president whose positive impact on the nation will be felt for years to come. In my book he has President Kiabki has also scored much higher than former President Moi in the issue of tribalism and appointments influenced by tribalism.

(vi) Do you get a warm comfortable feeling whenever you see on TV or read about a presidential candidate hailing from your tribe?

(vii) Do you keep on sending comments to this blog like "You are wrong Raila is going to be president." Or do you get abusive to this blogger over his balanced comments on tribalism in Kenya?

(viii) When you meet a person for the first time, do you subconsciously reserve your judgement until you find out what tribe they are? The way to tell this is when the first question you really want to ask every time, is what tribe they are, but instead you ask leading questions like, how do you spell your second name? Or "who do you think should be the next president?"

(ix) Do you remain unmoved when Kenya wins yet another 3,000 metres steeplechase race, just because the winner reminds you of Moi's tenure as president? The facts are that no tribe has brought more positive international glory to Kenya than the runners who mostly hail from the Kalenjin tribe. A few of them have changed nationalities but the fact is that were it another big tribe you and me know about, virtually all top runners would have changed nationalities for money by now.

(x) Are you one of those people who made a certain tribal radio station an overnight success? Are you one of the people who saw red when it looked like President Moi was about to ban that particular radio station?

(xi) Do you always look at the national soccer side selections in terms of which tribe has the majority of players?

(xii) Do you feel irritated whenever you hear a certain tribal language being used in your presence or within ear shot?

(xiii) Do you believe that some tribes are more corrupt than others?

(xiv) Do you always love to talk your mother tongue at the least excuse.

(xv) Do you use your mother tongue to gossip about people even when they are within hearing range?

(xvi) Do you get a warm fuzzy feeling every time somebody talks to you in your mother tongue?

(xvii) Do you insist on conversing in your mother tongue even when you know that there are several people in your company or around you who do not understand it? It matters little that you take the trouble to translate what you have said later.

(xviii) Look at your email in box now. Is most of the mail you receive from members of a particular tribe? Could that tribe happen to be the same tribe that your mother and father belong to?

(xix) Do you always visit a certain web site that bears the name of your tribe?

(xx) Or even worse, does your email address contain the name of your tribe somewhere?

If you have answered all these questions honestly, you will have realized that everybody is a tribalist in one way or another it is the degree of tribalism all of us that varies.

There is a very high possibility that in the coming elections tribalism will really rear it's ugly head. This is because the two front runners are going to be members of different tribes. This will be coming at a time when the wounds of the November constitutional referendum have not yet been healed. This is also unlike the situation in 2002 when a lot of tension was diffused by the fact that both leading candidates were from the same tribe. In my opinion this was divine intervention based on the great mercies of God.

This is the reason why the issue of tribalism must be discussed openly and it must be discussed now, before the politicians get their tribal-animosity-provoking-campaigns under way.

The reason why I consider myself an expert on this issue and able to contribute to this debate in a big, informed, positive way, is simple. My father hails from the Akamba tribe but my mother was a Bukusu (part of the Luhya tribe). I am very happily married (for over 20 years now) to a Kikuyu and my grandson who is very attached to me was fathered by an Embu man. My first born daughter who spent a lot of time at her grandmothers in the early years of our marriage while me and her mother were struggling to get a home going, speaks fluent Kikuyu, but my son does not speak any vernacular language. We communicate in sheng, swahili and English in the house and our favorite song is the one where every tribe of Kenya is mentioned and requested to step forward and do their thing.

I know what some of you are asking in your minds as you read this. You're saying, "Cut the **** **** (waste of a certain animal whose female counterpart produces milk for human consumption) and tell us what tribe your children consider themselves to be. That's a simple one and I'll answer it without hesitation. Their tribe is Kenyan.