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Friday, October 28, 2005

Why is your blood boiling, Kenyan?

These days every time the word “referendum” is uttered in front of a Kenyan, it gets the sort of reaction that you would expect from a dog hearing the word “cat”…

Blood starts “poiling”[boiling] according to our good friends of the Luhya community…

And people see “led”[red] according to you know who…

Just calm down for a minute and consider the following hard facts…

Despite the fact that Kenya has now survived 42 years of bad governance including 24 that were really, really bad, the country has survived and me and you are still here.

Why then have we allowed a bunch of politicians to convince us that the coming referendum is so serious and it is so important for your side to win, that if you don’t they’ll be chaos in Kenya?

Surely it cannot get any worse than it already is? Most people I know can’t feed the family these days and they used to own cars and businesses. Yet a few guys have gotten so rich in a few short months when auctioneers were waiting to move against them on January 2nd 2003.

No constitution, no matter how bad can be worse than the current one that kept a leader in power for 24 years against the will of the vast majority of Kenyans…

And has now allowed his successor to start behaving in exactly the same manner…

Put on your thinking cap and join the elite group of very, very, very few Kenyans who have actually leafed through, let alone read carefully, the draft constitution.

It is never a good idea to open one’s mouth or even to think, without the facts.

That kind of thing is only done by… (I won’t say. You figure it out for yourself).

Why The Best Way To Deal With The Kibaki Administration Is To Vote “Yes” For The New Constitution

Most Kenyans who read this blog regularly are very busy people. They hardly have the time to go through some fancy detailed prose. So this post will be what writers call a list article. Easy to read because my reasons are clearly and numerically listed one by one.

1. The Draft Constitution is better than the current one. It seems that nobody is really disputing this fact. So why is there so much orange support and propaganda to the contrary. The answer is simple. Our politicians have turned this new constitution referendum into “the Kibaki succession referendum”. Vote Yes, and you are saying that Kibaki should continue and even choose a successor after that. Vote No and you are saying No to Kibaki and the Murungarus etc. But is this what it is really all about? The truth is that if we remain with the current constitution, the power remains exactly where it is now and genuine change becomes more difficult by the day. Have you noticed how quickly Presidfent Kibaki has turned into another Moi?
2. Very few people in the orange camp have actually read the draft constitution. Why read the document when there is a more exciting agenda? Namely to show President Kibaki, nay, to rudely remind him of where his immense powers really come from… from the people of course. But what price will Kenyans pay to prove a point?
3. The Draft constitution is actually “the rope that will hang” the Kibaki administration, come the next general elections. In the heat of the moment, few have realized that the draft constitution offers Kenyans a much better chance of getting their “revenge” and voting in the sort of government in the next general elections that we have desired all along. For example the draft constitution allows for independent candidates to stand for even the Presidency. In the past this “weapon” of you-can-not-stand-unless-you-are-nominated-by-a-registered-political-party has been used very effectively to shut out popular candidates. There are numerous other examples, just take the time to read the draft constitution.
4. So why is it that former President Moi is against the new constitution? While it is true that no opinion of a person as experienced as Moi should be taken lightly, the truth is that Moi is from the old school. And this is precisely what is wrong with leadership in Kenya today. We are still trying to use the same old tricks in a world that has not only changed too much, but one that continues to change at a rate that can only be described as “blinding speed.” Let all the wazees go home to rest. Let the baton of leadership be passed on to a new generation of younger Kenyans. But before this happens, let’s give the new generation of Kenyan leaders a new constitution to work with.
5. The draft constitution is actually the Ghai draft with changes to the Executive (Presidency), Devolution, Kadhi’s courts and a few other controversial issues. The spirit remains the same, the basic principles remain the same. We all loved the Ghai draft, why don’t we want to use it as the foundation to a new constitution? Is it because our favorite politicians do not like it? Surely since when did you start trusting a politician to tell you what to do? I love Raila Odinga but his agenda here is that he is out to prove that he is the ultimate king-maker. He’s out to prove that he yields the power to decide. He said Kibaki tosha and it was settled. Now he has said No to the new constitution. If he gets his way on November 21st, then he will also choose the next president of Kenya for us come the next general elections. Should he?
6. The main opposition to the draft constitution consists of the same Kanu elements we fought so hard to remove from power. What are they really scared of in the new constitution? My hunch is that the answer lies in the increased power the draft constitution gives to the people. Some of the leading lights in Kanu have benefited in the past from policies that oppressed the people. Some of them have grown rich on land grabbed from the people who are about to have a bigger voice than they have ever had in the history of Kenya.
7. Everybody says that the district governments in the draft constitution will be as corrupt as the current local governments have proved to be. This is an assumption with no genuine basis. The current local government structure and urban councils are very different from the proposed district governments in the new constitution. The new district governments will consist of representations from the grassroots, while a corrupt person will always be corrupt, the motivation of leaders in district governments will be very different.

Between now and the referendum, this blog will analyze key sections of the constitution for you on a regular basis.

For now, I have an urgent task at hand. All these months I’ve been in the orange camp, I’ve missed them bananas and I need to have one right now. So Until next time, please allow me…

Only Fools Never Change Their Minds

It has happened. The unthinkable event took place last night. My teenage son could not believe his ears when I announced that I had changed camps. I have now shifted from the orange camp to the banana camp.

Here are the chain of events that led to my sudden about-turn

1) My analysis and research clearly shows that the Banana team will win on Nov 21st… and very comfortably at that.
2) I post an article to that effect in this blog. I then promise a series of articles detailing the disaster that will follow this predicted event.
3) I start my research, which must begin with a thorough reading of the draft constitution. To my surprise I find that a lot of the propaganda that has been flying from the orange team about the new constitution is NOT TRUE.
4) I change my mind about the draft constitution. No there were no banana team politicians to welcome me at a rally somewhere. No I was not paid any cash.

I still feel, like most Kenyans, that the Kibaki administration has short-changed Kenyans. I still believe that it has elements in it that are even more corrupt than the Moi regime. But I am now convinced that the draft constitution offers the best chance Kenyans have ever had of changing things for the better. Read the next post to see my listed reasons. Meanwhile I have to talk to the person who sent me the draft constitution in the first place ( a die hard orange supporter). My conversation with him will begin with the words, “YOU MADE A BIG MISTAKE SENDING ME THE DRAFT CONSTITUTION, NOW SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO THE ORANGE CAMP….

Thursday, October 27, 2005

How The Bananas Will Win…

...Will The Last Man Leaving Kenya Remember To Switch Off The Lights

If you carefully consider the following solid facts;

1) Two surveys carried out so far. The first being the Steadmann survey and the other being an online survey by the Nation newspapers online edition which both give the Orange team a slim 10 per cent lead. Using the power of the provincial administration and taking full advantage of a low voter turn out (only 58% of the registered voters voted in 2002). This lead will easily be wiped out on November 21st.

It has clearly been proved in many past elections that the only way to defeat the government in an election is by a landslide, nothing less, and nothing short.

2) President Moi used the power of the office of the President to win two elections where he was facing stiff competition (1992 and 1997). President Kiabaki is even more powerful because he has the backing of most Kikuyus, which Moi did not have.

Using the vast god-like powers of the Kenyan presidency, the Oranges don’t have a chance against the Kibaki-backed bananas.

3) The behaviour of the powerful Mount Kenya Mafia surrounding the President has so far made it clear that defeat is not an option they will consider. Take the example of the recent travel bans on powerful minister Chris Murungaru. The latest is that he intends to fight the US travel ban in US courts. The most shocking and telling thing here is that he is still a cabinet minister. How is it possible for him to execute his duties and yet he is unable to travel to the US or Britain, nor use connecting flights through these two key western destinations?

This kind of behaviour and reaction clearly gives anybody who would care to look and think, an insight into the sort of characters we are dealing with here.

4) There is increasing evidence that this writer and his blog as well as both his online and offline activities are being carefully monitored by a government that will go to any lengths to stay in power by silencing all voices that want to air an alternative view. Incidentally there has been much more press persecution in Kenya during the Kibaki regime than there was in Moi’s last term.

5) The strategy being used by the orange team is weak and defective. It may have worked with Narc when the whole country spoke in one voice and said “No” to Moi and his “project”. But it won’t work in November, mark my words. In sharp contrast the smart bananas are doing some serious “tribal mathematics” in everything they do (very Moi-like, but also very effective). At least 50 per cent backing from the populous Kikuyu, Luhya and Kamba tribes will guarantee a banana win. Not to mention the other pockets of support countrywide which will give the bananas a clear win.


Based on these facts, I have no option but to tell readers of this blog to brace themselves for a banana win and the banana republic that will come with it. In future days we will give you a full detailed review on what you should expect after the predicted events of November 21st.

Will the last person leaving Kenya remember to switch off the lights.

Monday, October 17, 2005

True test for a Kenyan

... writer claims that it is more accurate than a DNA test (that's the other
thing, most Kenyans don't really undersatnd what a DNA test is).


Are you Kenyan?




ONLY Kenyans.......



1. Are engaged for 5 years or more



2. Never bother to divorce, they just separate



3. Are late to church, work, and everything else

EXCEPT when the disco is free before 9pm*****



4. Refer to diabetes as 'SUGAR'



5. Show up at weddings, showers, graduation,

birthday parties with a new outfit on with nails and

hair done but no gift



6. In relation to #5, they eat like parking boys

and take a plate home



7. Consider 'clubbing' or 'henging' as a monthly

expense



8. Leave bills (instead of insurance money) behind

for surviving relatives.



9. Borrow money for a wedding.



10. have mothers who can use curse words and

religion ALL IN ONE SENTENCE e.g. "Lord, give me

strength because I'm about to knock the hell out of

this child"



11. spend the car insurance money on everything

EXCEPT getting the dent fixed.



12. invite co-workers and all of their friends to

their child's 1st birthday party which happens to have

a professional DJ with only about 3 kid (including the

child) in attendance. And then expect the guests

to "changa" for the bash.



13. Start every sentence with "Me I..."e.g. "ME I

donno why you are saying that I always say 'Me I'.



14. Say 'Spend' when they are staying the night

elsewhere from home, e.g. "Are you going to spend at

her place?"



15. Put in iron rods in all windows and main

doors...referring to them as ''Burglar''



16. Use "Ngai" as an exclamation mark e.g. "Ngai,

what are you doing?"



17. Believe "Ati" is an English word for "What?"



18. Think it is cool to drink and drive and get

away with it "I don't know how I got home that

day..the way I was soo drunk!"



19. Think all their economic and social problems

are caused by "Moi" when in fact some have never been

to school.



20. Pack up all their earthly goods to go to

"shaggs" for a week in December, only to pack them all back

again after that one week and return to "Tao"



21. Call travelling "flying out" e.g. She flew out

(no one ever seems to wonder where all these Kenyans

fly to)



22. Think that taking a clerical job in a company

is better and "cooler" than toiling in their parents'

family business.



23. Prefer washing cars and dishes in USA to

toiling in their 20-acre tea farms in Kenya.



24. Call their homes "at ours". e.g., "At ours, we

eat Githeri every day"



25. Complain for five years about poor governance

and corruption then vote in the same clowns back to

parliament.



26. Have a chief Justice who has no law degree!



27. Go on strike for one day and expect the govt.

to resign!



28. Sit back in their homes and expect their MP to

"bring Development"



29. Refuse to insure against anything and expect

you to bankroll them when calamity strikes... thro'

Harambee.



30. Sit calmly and sometimes cheer as a mad man

drives them in a ramshackle at breakneck speed to

certain death.



31. Drive with their windows wound up when they

get to city centre because of 4-year-old brats armed

with human feaces, and still claim to be free people!

Sounds so true, eh? I hope you are still Kenyan by

all standards. Me, I am Kenyan DAMU!!!!

Monday, October 03, 2005

Somebody Has To Pay The Bills

In the early hours of Friday morning police burst into a room in a leading hotel in Nairobi to find the naked body of a tycoon sprawled naked on the floor and his woman companion cowering at corner. The man was dead and some white substance believed to be heroin was taken away by police for testing.

So who was the man?

The local newspapers described the dead man as a “political wheeler-dealer” who was instrumental in the 2002 KANU walkout of Rainbow luminaries.

My point here is that this story illustrates a political truism; somebody has to pay the bills. In current Kenyan politics it is mostly businessmen who get lucrative government contracts in return. If we are going to make a difference in 2007, the new government will have to start off without this sort of financing. In fact the people of Kenya should demand that sources of financing for political luminaries – especially those vying for the Presidency - be revealed.

Check out the full story on this scandal in Saturday's Daily Nation online (01/10/05). It is under the headline; "Tycoon collapses and dies in hotel room".