Ikolomani: Why Bloody primitive bull fighting did the trick

"The by-election in Ikolomani is a pratice match for ODM because it will define how 2012 will go".
– Hon James Orengo before ODM was floored at the constituency.

ODM bigwigs will of course be putting up a brave face this morning but if you want to know the truth, they are shaking and shaking really violently in their boots. And with good reason too because Dr Bonny Khalwale took on ODM head on and ended up re-capturing his parliamentary seat.

The bull fighting gynae with his two wives Adelaide (right) and Josephine.

UPDATE: This lady who is a big fun of Kumekucha has posed the question: what are the sleeping arrangements in a polygamous home? Well, I wrote an article about that here in Kumekucha quite some time back. Read it HERE
AND here is a hilarious quote from that article: You can imagine the man reading the Nation in the sitting room and one of the wives approaching him meekly to ask him which of them it would be for the night. And then the man still behind his newspaper muttering a name: "mama so and so." Really hilarious stuff. But the joke is not funny for the women who have to put up with it. I have absolutely no idea how they do it.
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James Orengo of ODM famously said that the Ikolomani by-election will define 2012 and although things did not quite go the way he and his colleagues at Orange house had anticipated his statement still holds very true. What happened in Ikolomani yesterday gives us all a pretty good picture of what we should expect in 2012.

Political party bigwigs in PNU and ODM just don’t get it, do they? Their actions during the numerous by elections we have gone through since last year suggest that they are a tad slow between the ears. Or is it just more comfortable to hang onto mirages and dreams of yesteryears when you reach a certain age? These guys have continued to spend huge sums of money trying to flex their political muscles at the constituency level in a bid to boost or retain their national numbers. But time and again the voters on the ground have resisted what they quite rightly see as an invasion from outsiders. They have enjoyed the cash bribes lavished on them but voted soberly. And that is exactly is what happened at Ikolomani. Out of the 24 constituencies in Western province ODM has no less than 19 seats. The assumption is that the party will retain its’ popularity in Western province come 2012. What rubbish!! It is the same dream some poor Kenyans have over the presidency gauging the popularity of one Raila Odinga on the 2007 General elections (which he won emphatically but was denied giving inspiration to that chap at the Ivory Coast who tried to do a Kibaki with laughable results). The political reality is that a huge percentage of Raila votes in 2007 were actually protest votes against Mwai Kibaki. Remove Mwai Kibaki from the equation and Raila loses a couple of million votes. Just wait and see. And so the 19 ODM seats in Western province mean nothing but then boys will always be boys with their silly games.

The chaps at Orange house in Nairobi who decided that it was a good idea to try and flex their muscles in Ikolomani to prove a political point have not woken up very well this morning. Admittedly the fortune spent by the party gave a respectable 10,702 votes to Bernard Shinali (the man fronted by the party) against Dr Bonny Khalwale’s 13,208. Some analysts reckon that this was a very close race. I don’t share that view, not when this was a by election with the usual low turn out, undue outside interference by idle political party secretariat hangers-on etc.

And it is not just the politicians who never seem to get it. Kenyans in big cities (a vast percentage of Kumekucha voters) and the mainstream press sometimes think that Kenya is the United States or Great Britain. Their sophistication tells them that Dr Bonny Khalwale, a polygamist who spends most of his time getting tickled by bull fights that leave poor cows gored and badly bleeding, is not a serious man. Indeed the guy mostly looks like a typical Ikolomani residence himself in the way he dresses when he is at “ingo.” And so they pass judgment and cheer the challenger forgetting that on the ground Dr Khalwale is extremely popular.

The other important point to take home from the by-election is that Kenyans should prepare for the era of the independent. Chances are that even the next president of Kenya may just be an independent. Khalwale was not an independent but contrary to what the folks at New Ford Kenya want to think, Khalwale’s win had absolutely nothing to do with the alleged popularity of the party. Ikolmani people voted for the Gynaecologist doctor cum bull fighting maestro and NOT a political party. We are bound to see much more of the same all over the country in 2012.

Why the wrong kind of president for Kenya will win in 2012

P.S. Nobody is talking about the Kitendawili I gave in my post yesterday. How come?

Introducing some very unlikely front runners for the presidency in 2012

Gacoka legislator Mutava Musyimi believes that his life is in danger mainly because of his intention to run for the presidency in 2012.

Well to be honest he did not really put it as directly as that. He clothed it all nicely in political-speak. Read the story for yourself HERE.

Like many before him Hon Musyimi has made a number of very basic political mistakes in this his maiden appearance in the August house. Like tabling bills without doing the necessary groundwork first (too elementary for a person of his standing surely and the excuse of wanting to play to “his gallery” just doesn’t wash). In my view the former leader of the NCCK also lost a golden chance to show true leadership during the referendum for the new constitution. In my book a true leader will resist the flow of the river (no matter how strong it is) if it is going in the wrong direction and as a matter of principal back an unpopular horse and use their influence to gather support in their constituency. I still cringe when memories of dignified Musyimi standing right next to William Ruto float back to my mind. I mean the guy was brushing shoulders and actually consulting with the Kalenjin war lord. Over what??? What can the two men honestly discuss in the next 200 years?

Anyway my point is that despite his mistakes, Hon Musyimi is a man with a very solid background and reputation that nobody can take away from him. He is not the kind of parliamentarian to call a press conference to peddle lies or to spin stuff to his advantage. And so I honestly believe that his life is in danger and that the people who want him dead are not interested in land issues. They are disturbed about the Reverend’s chances of making a decent stab at the highest office in the land.

Now that is a strange thing for Kumekucha to say when everybody knows that according to the polls the front runners for the office are names we have always heard, the usual suspects really. Big names like Raila "Kitendawili" Odinga, Uhuru “The Hague” Kenyatta, Kalonzo “YES-NO-NO-YES-YES Musyoka etc. But I insist that these are NOT the names you will be seeing on the leader board in 2012. Indeed I put it to you good folks that the names in those elections will be a riddle of sorts. Very strange names of people you would hardly expect. Aliens from Mars… almost. It will be a reflection of just how fed up we Kenyans have become of being cheated as very selfish and self-serving political games are being played behind the scenes.

The thugs who broke into Hon Musyimi’s house at Karen armed to the teeth with the kind of weapons that send people to the next world with absolute certainty like the Russian made automatic weapon called an AK47 (Did you know that this popular death merchant was invented by a guy who never got rich called Mikhail Kalashnikov. It is officially known as Avtomat Kalashnikova and the “47” comes from the year it was first introduced into the Soviet military?) were sent by people who have already figured out the information you are reading here but still refusing to believe. And these people who want the precious presidency of the banana republic called Kenya for themselves want to use the age-old political weapon of assassination to make sure that the likes of Musyimi and “other wrong presidents for Kenya” do not see the inside of State house. Folks you will already be aware that some people are saying that the very constitutionally nominated Chief Justice is the wrong Chief Justice for Kenya. These people if you really pushed them for their honest views will tell you that the unconstitutionally appointed Chief Justice that the President tried to force down our throats a few months ago and any other appointees he might want to pull out of his magic hat is “the right chief justice for Kenya.”

And so my dear brothers and sisters, please get prepared for “the wrong kind of president for Kenya” to get elected in 2012 and to carry us all to the Promised Land that we have always yearned for but never gotten to.

I can hear you impatiently wondering who the other unlikely front runners for the presidency are. Sadly I cannot drop names at this point because I will upset the apple cart and some very sensitive negotiations going on behind the scenes. But I will tell you this. Beware of people who are too eager to lead. That is a valuable gem of a lesson I learnt that you can use anywhere, even in the appointment of your next CEO for that small business you are running somewhere. People who are too eager to lead are proud folks who assume plenty of things and are quick to rubbish the achievements of their predecessors. And they usually end up falling flat on their faces. I will mention three names. Jakaya Kikwete of Tanzania and Mwai Kibaki of Kenya and Kalonzo “YES-NO-NO-YES-YES Musyoka of Kenya.

Hopefully the next president of Kenya is a man who is at this time agonizing over the huge responsibility Kenyans want to place on their inexperienced shoulders. They would be much more comfortable staying in the shadows and supporting somebody else. Integrity is going to be the key qualification here folks and not experience and you can take that to your bank. This man or woman is wondering whether they are really up to it. They have plenty of doubts and yet cannot resist the opportunity to once again sacrifice all for the motherland like they have already done before. I am talking about two possible candidates. Stay tuned for more in the coming months.

P.S. I was talking to this old wise man the other day and he dropped a riddle that fits the current Kenyan landscape perfectly. I will tell it and then leave you to figure it out.

One day these rats had a meeting to discuss the cat. They all knew that if they joined hands and got rid of the cat they would live happily ever after and feed to their fill. But they also knew that it would require sacrifice and selflessness because in felling the cat a few of them would have to die and become “cat meal”. Now we all know that rats by nature are very greedy and selfish and that is where their plan hit a snag. There was nobody willing to sacrifice their lives for a better tomorrow for all rats. And so to this day the Cat continues to reign supreme (despite what the very popular Tom and Jerry cartoon would want you to believe).

Work that one out for yourself and I will tell you more tomorrow peeps.