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Sunday, August 22, 2010

Kamba athletism and other deadly talents

Kamba women have a hell of a reputation in bed. And so do the men. Queens and kings of the bedroom.

I can already hear some of my more conservative readers asking what sex has to do with politics. Actually being sex athletes has a lot to do with siasa because students of history will tell you that sex has changed the course of history too many times for anybody to keep count.

Some people believe that this reputation is overblown beyond all proportions. However the reality is that there are many brothels where regulars specifically ask for Kamba women and will settle for nothing less. Any survey will quickly reveal that this is a reputation that will not fade anytime soon amongst most Kenyans from diverse communities.

Sadly there are a lot of things I cannot say even in this blog, but let me just mention in passing that some Kamba women legislators have left their unforgettable mark in the beds and minds of some major male political players in the country after a brief roll in the hay.
Even without make-up and city sophistication, Kamba women are obviously very beautiful.

Let me also admit that for years I have tried in vain to get to the bottom of what is behind this Kamba prowess in bed. I have heard many ridiculous theories but I have never come across any concrete-sounding reason why members of this tribe are without doubt such talented naturals between the sheets. One such ridiculous theory is based on the fact that the Kamba are one of the very few communities that were led successfully by women in the days of old. (One such famed woman leader of the community was Syokimau who was also a powerful medicinewoman who predicted many things.) The absurd theory claims that since women were the leaders and Kings with powers to put men to death if they did not please them in bed, Kamba men had to learn the art of pleasing a woman for their very survival.

But there is something else about the Kamba women that nobody talks about. Woe unto you if a fair Kamba lass spots you and realizes that you are wealthy (according to her standards) and it does not matter whether you are already married or not. What they will do next is to rush to a witchdoctor to cast a spell on you so that you find her irresistible. Be very wary if your new Kamba girlfriend wants to take too many photographs of you. I know of one case where the impoverished parents of this beautiful Kamba lass instructed her to send them the photograph of any rich man she came across and fancied (preferably a mzungu because they are supposedly the wealthiest) and they would do the rest to make sure that the man was his. And this is not an exceptional case. Many families in this region have used charms rather than genuine bedroom skills to get their families out of poverty. Many poeople don't believe that you can cast a spell on somebody so what has happened is the Kamba reputation in the bedroom has continued to grow in leaps and bounds, even where charms have been used.

Some men from this community have also used the same methods to ensure that they get the woman that they want. Many times a simple handshake shortly after some visit to some Juju-man is enough to make a respectable level-headed woman start constantly following a man like some dog on heat.

Indeed for this community sex and witchcraft is difficult to separate. There have even been countless cases where men have “protected” their wives from having extra-marital affairs by casting a spell on them so that if they sleep with any other man they will get stuck and will be inseparable in the act until the man returns and is appeased enough "to separate" them.

In a recent famous case that happened in the Muthurwa area in Nairobi, a junior Kamba police officer acted on rumours that finally reached his ears about his wife and his boss. Read the entire sordid tale HERE. Cases like this have been countless over the years.

I have no doubt that many will read this post and get very angry which is hardly surprising because the truth can sometimes hurt very badly. It is a clear sign that it is the truth. Most humans find it very difficult to face the truth, let alone handle it.

P.S. Safaricom has quietly started responding to the biggest threat ever to its’ dominance of the Kenyan mobile telephony industry. And the approach is rather uncharacteristically meek. Subscribers yet to register for Mpesa are quietly being urged via SMS to do so before the end of the month and they will have a chance to win upto Kshs 250 in air time. About Kshs 10 million in free airtime is up for grabs, the SMS advertisement from Safaricom says.

It seems that Michael Joseph’s strategy for now is to lie low and make his moves quietly while avoiding the limelight at all costs. Clearly the last thing he wants is to be drawn into a fierce price war he knows will be difficult for him to win considering the setup at Safaricom with shareholders expecting bigger dividends all the time. The move to maintain and increase Mpesa subscribers is smart because clearly there is still a lot of room for increased revenues and profits in this innovative service. Besides Mpesa subscribers usually have to make a call at some point to confirm receipt of funds or to inform that funds have been sent.

Meanwhile I have received information from my informants countrywide to the effect that Zain sim cards are selling feverishly in many parts of the country, a sharp contrast from the indifference many Kenyans have been showing Kenya’s second largest mobile phone operator only recently. Clearly Safaricom are in serious trouble and it is unlikely that they will be able to maintain the complete dominance they have enjoyed in the Kenyan market for so long.

Kamba Secrets Part 1

Kamba Secrets Part 2

Kamba Secrets Part 3

Kamba Secrets Part 4

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hehehehehehehe

Chris at his controversial revealing best. Very revealing.

Toboa yote kabisa

P.S. I love your new slogan; If I don't say it who will?

Anonymous said...

Chris you have gone way toooooo far this time.

Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!

Abantu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Abantu said...

Hahahahahahaha! I think Kamba women can be likened to the Tanga women of Tanzania, prowess plus the juju side of things. But in Tanzania, Tanga women (Wasambaa, Wazigua etc) will make you literally eat off the palms of their hands and kiss the ground they walk on more so because "wanafundwa". I dont know the English equivalent of that word but it loosely translates to these Tanga beauties being taught 'bed' skills by an older and respected woman of her community who takes them through all the paces of how to leave her man "akisha changanyikiwa" But it also goes deeper than that because these Tanga lasses literally control you by the way they treat you as her man! You will definitely trip without a doubt when you come home and she literally showers you, cooks you a mean finger-licking meal, ensures that even before you arrive she has spruced herself up with the 'marashi za Pemba' all over if you know where i mean and shes smelling and looking like a million dollars by the time you walk through that door! Baadaye utakandwa (massage)! Sasa during bedminton ndo usiseme! Mwenyewe utatema mate bila kutaka kwa jinsi binti anavyokushughulikia chumbani! Why wont you flip Chris hebu tell me? So coupled with expertise plus the occasional 'kamutee' ya kwao (hao husema wanakwenda kwa babu) you are a done deal!

A Tanga woman will make a Kamba woman look like child's play i tellz you! Naomba niishie hapo hapo before your readers starting trooping to Tanga, because i can see some of them already drooling and budgeting for that trip! Tanga kunaniiiii? hahahaha

Anonymous said...

Poor Safaricom, how the mighty fall from grace so suddenly.

Where is that not-so bright guy who was mocking Chris' post on Safaricom's troubles last week?

luke said...

Chris,
This is UNACCEPTABLE and on a SUNDAY too!
First of all i take great offence at the fact that you consistently refuse to acknowledge this is a popular,widely read and appealing blog read by FAMILIES including younger children and HouseHelps-why do you refuse to think of the children? what "Daddy" say to "Daddy Junior" when he asks him "Dad what is a s** athlete" I am even too embarrased to type the word here in the PUBLIC OPENNESS of my favourite Cyber in "Dago"

Secondly is it scientific to be doing "surveys" in Brothels? surely the standards have fallen low bro?

Thirdly you are too suggestive in your writing leaving little to the imagination! sentences such as "talented naturals between the sheets" paint too vivid a picture in the minds of your (usually faithful) readers-TONE IT DOWN ABIT!

Fourthly who said Mzungus are the wealthiest?you are looking down upon your own people Chris and yet we passed a new Katiba that will make everyone rich by 2012!

Lastly Chris, i need to warn you not to allow this blog to quickly deteriorate into a MEXICAN SOAP OPERA. let us remember the children and house helps who read this blog and maintain high standards for their sake

Abantu said...

Luke please!! Stop insulting our intelligence and stop living in denial! I bet you Juniors more sexually exposed that what you want to believe! Khaaa!

Abantu said...

Luke please!! Stop insulting our intelligence and stop living in denial! I bet you Juniors more sexually exposed that what you want to believe! Khaaa!

Chegepreneur said...

Sex is Sex it does not matter who or which tribe you are getting some from not unless you want to mean that the genitals of members of the Kamba community were added some form of spice to sweeten them right from creation. However, I have also heard of Kamba men having very serious & respectable women & wives of other men sleeping with them after that hanshake.

Anonymous said...

tony nyadundo reminds men in his songs that 'gigo chal' meaning those things are the same. whether a woman 'kwar ka nyanya'-meaning light skinned. 'dichol' meaning dar-skinned 'man gi madiaba' meaning big-bottomed. chris ebu stop raising temperatures lest everone goes looking for a kao woman or a woman from tanga as someone alleges..AIDS cure is still elusive you know

Vikii said...

What a load of rubbish!!

Anonymous said...

I will go with Embu! Mamas...for one they are promiscous by nature! And from experience they are super...I have had quiet a few Kamba's but they dont come close.

Anonymous said...

VIKII is back after shamelessly posting as anon for quite a while. Vikii umepotea maze....have you been working overdrive to spruce up kalonzo's ever diminishing stature?
I hope you have had some soul-searching ili uwacajne na hiyo arrogance.
On a scale of 1-10 can you rate your hatred for RAO. 1 being you hate him as before and 10 means it has increased 10 fold.

Anonymous said...

Hear ye hear ye hear ye, from a nyumbu's mouth. Once lured into what was so ordinary, twice, never again.

The so called "athletism" in the semi-arid environments and savannah grasslands of Kenya is a mythic perception that was once used and is still used at times to lure unsuspecting desperados, pontial lovers, clients, associates, and the usual suckers as well.

There are times when desperados and drunks will like something so much that they cannot refuse it or judge its real value.

Of course, when the old time embellishers got hold of such fascinating stories from secondary sources, they ended up being was blown out of all proportion.

That's why any severe thirsting for wonders at Msufi Mkavu will have always affect people's perception.

There is a very big difference between a musician's performing for a fee and a musician's performing for the love of entertainment. The performance can be highly exaggerated for an extra good reward.

Anonymous said...

Octagarian recuperating in Italy. Well, the BIGOT and hater per excellence is out, nani kama wewe?

And while at it please remember to spit the hate vomit lest you choke it the murk. SHINDWE. And please stop lying to yourself, it is the height of self-insult.

Anonymous said...

Kumekucha is trying to delete comments that do not exhalt Chris bigotry and stupidity.

Like all tribalists, Chris has decided to lump together a whole community of over 2 million people and abuse, insult and ridicule them and their only sin is their adamant refusal to support Chris's political master, that sickly octogenarian thief recuperating in a medical hospital in Italy.

Chris seems to borrow his tribal venom from makau mutua who has also made it a weekly sport to abuse some communities in Kenya, an action that seems to have been sanctioned by the new Nation Editor who hails from luoland.

Those who still think that by deriding and insulting communities opposed to the manipulation of chris masters will beat them into supporting the ailing master are morons and can continue smocking whatever they have been smoking.

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