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Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Dialogue From State House Security Meeting

This is an imaginary meeting that never took place that nevertheless tries to capture a situation where dinosaurs using outdated ideas inevitably run out of options. It is instructive that this is the crux of the problem with the Kibaki/Raila administration. The meeting takes place between a senior presidential security advisor and a high ranking police chief. Enjoy.

Security advisor: I called this meeting to demand an explanation from you concerning the current escalating crime rate in the country. The president is concerned.

Police chief: Where is his Excellency if I may ask?

Security advisor: He’s still asleep but that is beside the point. What will I tell him when he wakes up?

Police Chief (glances at his watch and realizes it is going to noon): You will remember that I warned you this would happen. Let’s see if those human rights activists can fix it now.

Security advisor: Surely there are other ways of fighting crime without having to shoot down every thug in town.

Police Chief: I would like to hear about them. As you know our justice system doesn’t work.

Security advisor: What happened to the idea to increase patrols and other crime prevention measures? Your officers seem to have slackened considerably.

Police chief: The firearms we ordered never arrived. Patrols with G3 rifles when thugs have automatic weapons just gets my officers killed.

Security advisor: So what do we do now?

Police Chief: Maybe the human rights activists can give us some ideas.

Security advisor: Stop being sarcastic. Are you suggesting that we replace you with somebody else who will have some new ideas?

Police chief: That is the prerogative of the president but you know my replacement will be faced with exactly the same situation.

Security advisor: If you want to keep your job you will need to find a way to deal with escalating crime. Am sure you realize that.

Police Chief: If only we could fully reactivate the Kwekwe squad. Or even better form a new unit. Remember how we dealt with the Mungiki?

Security advisor: But I thought the Mungiki are still very much around and causing chaos?

Police chief: Yes, but they can be dealt with in the same way we did the first time. We shall find better ways to get rid of the bodies leaving no trace of evidence.

Security advisor: I have told you before that we are under considerable International pressure over those killings, we can never go back to that.

Police Chief: Then I might as well resign and leave the human rights activists to fight crime in this country.

Security advisor: I wish it was that simple. You know we still have skeletons in the closet over those damned elections. Even a fool would not accept your resignation at this time.

Police chief: You know my lips are sealed concerning that.

Security advisor: They better be. Even if you end up at the Hague?

Police chief: Even if I end up at the Hague.

Security advisor: So shall I tell his Excellency that you would like to step down?

Police chief: Of course not. This is Africa where nobody resigns. Tell him that our hands are tied, we need some little authority to clamp down with force on thugs. There is no other way.

Security advisor: I can tell you he won’t be happy about that. Anything else?

Police chief: It also helped when I had control over what crime the media could report and how it was reported. You know these reports cause panic and make us look bad.

Security advisor: Again we can never go back to that. All efforts to put the media on a leash have failed. Besides even if the media keeps quiet there is always that silly Kumekucha site. That chap has informants everywhere.

Police chief: How many people read that stupid site?

Security advisor: The problem is that the International community does and more Kenyans than you realize.

Police chief: Then I can tell you that it will always be very difficult for anybody holding this office that I hold.

Security advisor: I have to run. I have two more meetings before the president wakes up. My parting advice is that you should think out of the box and you need to do it urgently.

Police chief: Okay. But I have always done that haven’t I?

Security advisor (hurriedly departing): Keep me informed.


P.S. On other matters, I need to ask a question. Is it true that Africans are generally more resistant to the dreaded Swine flu? What most people don’t realize is that the unfolding scenario is a nightmare-come-true for many virologists who for years have feared a worldwide outbreak just like this. You can’t stop it as long as International travel continues. But it seems the penetration level in African countries has been extremely low. Those who are religious will say that it is the mercy of God (and I would agree) because surely we are just too ill equipped to deal with a full blown out-break of this thing within our shores.

One of my informants in Kenya says that he overheard in a matatu this morning a smartly dressed lady asking why the person with Swine flu was not deported immediately to solve the problem. It is clear that Kenyans know very little about the Swine flu.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Mzee Muthaura is Key to Kenya’s Health


Head of Civil Service and Secretary to the Cabinet Francis Muthaura has been admitted a door away from ICU. It wouldn’t have come at a worse time when Kenya is in dire traits and chronic need of Muthaura’s able hands. Almost 70 years old and close to five decades in government, very few Kenyans can match ambassador Muthaura's experience.

The need for REFORMS can only be shepherded by Muthaura’s tried hands. He knows the government inside out. What is more, he has the boss’ ears. Many neophytes in the GCG may hate him for his fidelity to protocol. But serikali is no civil society and none of these activists can hold a candle to the veteran ambassador.

Our sensational newspapers must spare PS Muthaura more headache. Whether he was hospitalized last month or yesterday morning is immaterial. These alarmist reporters fail to understand the enormity of the national burden Muthaura shoulders on our behalf. They even shamelessly fail to glimpse the gravity of the mater when police boss spends five hours at the hospital hosting Muthaura.

10 years work, no leave
You see Major Ali needs alloyed guidance to stop thugs in Juja from petrol-bombing houses when owners refuse to open their doors to allow unhindered looting. Add that to the explosive Mungiki-vigilante executions and you have to sympathize with Muthaura's predicament in this sick status.

The press must learn to respect top government officials who discharge their duties under great pressure. You fail to understand why they doubt Dr Mutua’’s official statement that Muthaura BOOKED himself in hospital on Sunday. He must know better.

What more can unforgiving and unappreciative populace ask for besides a 70-year old working for more than 10 years without leave. After offloading our collective national stress on Mzee Muthaura he is now smarting from chemical imbalance in his body. True, rewards from an ungrateful donkey are fatal kicks.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Affairs in Nairobi? I thought We Were Christians

In the beginning God created Adam.

Okay, I won't bore you with a theological discussion on morality or give my own take on how married folks should live their lives. I don't want to give my friend Taabu a chance to come down on me with that "sermon thing." But I had a very interesting discussion with a group of ladies and gentlemen in one restaurant here in Nairobi that left me reeling. These folks insisted that affairs have become so common in Nairobi. A way of life. In fact, one lady said that what is shocking today is that anybody should be shocked if they find out their wife or husband is seeing someone out there.

Really?

I still remember the day I first met my beautiful Hellen. It was a sunny afternoon under the unforgiving heat of Kendu Bay. From the time we met, I knew I'd met a remarkable lady, one I wanted to know better...and even marry someday. I played my cards right and everything worked just fine. Nearly two decades later, it feels just like that first time.

Love!

When you think back at your own experiences with that sweet lady you call your wife, or fiancee, or girlfriend, what comes to your mind? Do you think of the moments you brought her roses and rolled a sweet kiss down her lip or do you wince at the thought of the painful things she's done to you? Do you pray for another four decades of life with her or do you wish a thunderbolt would shoot from the sky and end her life? Has your love remained undiminished by the roll of the years?

I'm not naive to deny that many times people have gotten into relationships that turned out wrong and painful. I'm also aware that straying is possible. But can someone explain the growing epidemic of affairs in Nairobi? Is it the cell phone? Is it our sense that morality is a thing of the past? Is it a failure of the church to instill its relevance in our lives? Or is this just where a nation that loves everything Western (Hollywood) must inevitably find itself?

C'mon, guys, I think affairs are for cowards. Why keep a sweet lady at home and go after another elsewhere? And just why would a lady switch men over a single weekend like it's something normal?

Hhmmm...

Let's talk about this. We'll talk war with Somalia next week.

Breaking News added by Chris


After denials over the weekend, the Kenyan government has finally confirmed the first case of Swine flu in the country, a student who traveled from the UK over the weekend. A public health alert is to be issued later today.

Drums Of War: Terrible Stuff Most Kenyans Don’t Know About


The Somali situation is very much in the news but many Kenyans have no idea that we have been at war with the Somalis before—and it was for a long time. There was heavy loss of life in that war (the numbers are still a closely guarded state secret) and in my book the Somalis won that war… easily. Indeed even Kenyans who were old enough to understand stuff in the 50s and 60s are hardly aware of how serious the Shifta war was. It lasted from 1964 to around 1968. Some people say significant skirmishes continued well into the 70s.

This is the war that the Kenyan government never wanted to acknowledge. At best it was always downplayed when the government did grudgingly agree that something was going on in Northern and North Eastern Kenya. Those Kenyans who knew that there was indeed a war going on were those who were touched by it like in the story I am about to tell.

But before I tell you my fascinating story about the “war that never was,” let me say that those who have been reading this blog for a long time are well aware of the fact that I have been shouting myself hoarse here warning about the time bomb that are the Somalis and that explosive part of Nairobi called Eastleigh which for all intents and purposes is really part of Mogadishu. If you doubt this then I also need to tell you that proven intelligence sources have indicated that dreaded Somali pirates come to Eastleigh to relax and enjoy their money from piracy activities while preparing to launch their next “mission.” You can find anything, and I mean anything in Eastleigh. From a US passport that will get you into America without any problem to some for the latest assault weapons. To be honest I don’t mind those quality suits that would ordinarily cost about Kshs 15,000 in parts of Nairobi but go for a paltry Kshs 1,500 in Eastleigh.

But let me get on with my story.

Mutunga (his real name) was a police constable and driver to a senior high ranking policeman in Isiolo. The year was 1967 and the Shifta war (which was mostly a guerilla war) was ongoing. Mutunga was driving his superior one lovely sunny afternoon when suddenly without any warning the police Landrover they were in was lifted high in the sky. They had hit a landmine. When the vehicle landed on the ground again with a thud Mutunga’s boss was badly injured with a suspected punctured lung. Mutunga himself was much worse off. Being at the front of the Landrover he had taken the full brunt of the mine. All the bones in his leg had been shattered and were almost powder. He was obviously in great pain.

Frantic efforts were made to radio Nairobi for an aircraft to airlift him for urgent medical attention in the city. The police officer running the operation got Mutunga’s boss to a hospital in Meru where the doctors grimly said that had he arrived moments later he would have almost certainly died because his lungs had stuck together after the explosion meaning that as he breathed there was no movement in his lungs. The police officer breathed a sigh of relief at the fact that one officer had been saved even as he battled to save Mutunga’s life. He finally convinced a “mzungu” pilot to land his small aircraft in the Isiolo airstrip after running police lorries across it several times up to the moment the aircraft started it’s final approach to ensure that there were no mines.

My source says that he will not forget that moment in the aircraft when he bid Mutunga goodbye giving him a bottle of water to sip (thirst is a sign of enormous internal bleeding). The brave policeman was still answering “Yes sir” as loudly as he could even as he lay there dying with his badly broken body. Radio contact was maintained as the aircraft flew back to Nairobi with its’ sole passenger. A humble police officer who had never been on an aircraft before. In those days aircrafts could not land at Wilson Airport at night because there was no electricity there yet. So as the aircraft approached Embakassi Airport the pilot heard some strange noise at the back of his aircraft. He did not need to look back to know that Mutunga had died minutes away from medical attention. The information was radioed back to Isiolo and the sad news was passed on to his colleagues. The Shifta war had claimed the precious life of yet another Kenyan.

Opinion is divided as to how that war finally petered off. Some say that President Kenyatta got the help of Tanzania president Mwalimu Julius Nyerere who acted as a go-between and talked to the then Somali president Siad Barre of Somalia to “cool off.” Others say that the war just run out of steam as other priorities emerged for Somalis. Whatever happened the fact is that to this day the Somali flag has 5 stars on it and yet there are only 4 provinces in the country (at least there were at that time). The fifth province is 6 districts in Kenya namely Isiolo, Garissa, Moyale, Wajir, Marsabit (I forget the sixth). What I am saying is that the Somalis already have what appears to be a good enough reason to be at war with Kenya.

Incidentally the Tanzanians are very serious about their security. A few years ago some factions in Somalia invaded a remote part of that vast country. The response from Dar was immediate and decisive. The army was sent in and the problem was solved albeit with major loss to human life.

I personally witnessed a Somali man being refused entry into Tanzania at the Namanga border about 2 years ago. His papers were in order but immigration officials exercised their prerogative to deny entry.

Contrast that to Nairobi’s response. When a Kenyan immigration officer sees a Somali, they see money and a fat bribe. Tanzanian immigration officers are also corrupt but they know the sharp distinction between corruption that endangers national security and corruption that does not. Again former President Moi’s reason for allowing the influx of Somalis into the country was because the foreign exchange they brought in kept the country going at a difficult time. President Kibaki had a chance to tackle the problem but his response like in everything else has been inconsistent, disjointed, indecisive and devoid of any long term strategy. During Kibaki’s tenure, flights out of Wilson Airport to Somalia have been grounded at least twice for short periods of time. The border with Somalia has also been closed once only to be reopened. Army patrols on the same stretch of our porous borders started way too late.

Yet even a primary school child would have seen a long time ago that Somalis are a serious threat to our national security. For instance all the guns used in crime and murder in the country (save the ones belonging to policemen) come in from Somalia. You can be sure that political assassins are bound to use the same the hardware. The taxman also gets deprived of billions of shillings in taxes by the Somalis in Eastleigh. I am told that these days people import stuff from Dubai and receive it at Eastleigh. Yep Eastleigh is becoming an increasingly large inland port in Kenya.

The bottom line is that now it is way too late to do much about the Somalia issue except wait for what is inevitably coming to us.

People are talking about Kenyan soldiers launching offensives to protect the border. It’s fun talking about war and how tough the Kenya army is, but the truth is that this is laughable because if full scale war ever broke out, Somalis have a base to comfortably operate from and launch their attacks from that is right at the heart of Nairobi. I am talking about Eastleigh of course. How do you even begin to divide the Kenyan Somalis from the Somalia Somalis? And we should all know by now that the Somalis are masters of guerilla warfare (ask American Marines) so they will quickly neutralize Kenyans’ alleged massive military hardware and personnel to nought—just like they did in the 60s when they did not have an Eastleigh to operate from.

Will the last person leaving Kenya please remember to kill the lights.

DVD movies available in Kenya that Kumekucha has been watching

Thursday, June 25, 2009

The King of Pop's Dead, RIP Mr. Thriller


He popped onto the music scene, thrilled the world, conquered it and became king. Wacko Jacko was more than a phenomenon, he was an institution. Besides his record breaking sales, his electrifying dance moves of yore were not only athletic but remain uniquely synonymous with MJ.

He inspired a generation and for those who grew during his time Michael Jackson ROCKED THE WORLD. From Afghanistan to Zimbabwe MJ's lyrics ring true and uplifting to every music lover.

As a human being he had his ups and downs but MJ's music was and is still like aphrodiastics. From the best selling THRILLER, to Black or White to Heal the World, Michael has left a piece of his musical genius behind him for the world to savour.


Jacko was a trinity of genius. The singer, dancer and songwriter created a new mantra for modern day entertainment. He was simply magic, living ahead of his times even before the sound and visual effects of the present digital age.

Heal the world
His trademark elaborate, stop-on-a-dime dance moves spiced with the sensual soprano influenced generations of musicians. His whispery, high-pitched speaking voice was a unique gift that he employed to good effect in thrilling his fans.


The face mask epitomized his lows. The multiple plastic surgeries and his vitiligo illness transformed the hitherto masculine and athletic black man to a wispy, pale-faced, almost noseless figure. Call it the curse of celebrity if you may but Michael Jackson will remain an icon who also had the human heart. He also knew how to sell a good cause, as with his celebrity-packed "We Are the World" video in 1985 to raise money for starving people in Ethiopia.

Death remain the painful universal equalizer. The grim reaper has robbed the world of one of the planet's finest artiste of his generation. Fare thee well MJ and thanks for ROCKING US ALL when you lived.


Presidential Race 2012: Something Is Cooking

Many Kenyans have gotten extremely angered with the way the 2012 race for State house seems to have started so prematurely. And you really can’t blame them because we still have IDPs suffering like you can never imagine and scores of other pressing issues which the political class has no time or inclination to address.

Still, what is now slowly emerging is the deadly PNU game plan to get their man into State house at all costs when the next elections come (I have always said here that I don’t believe it will wait until 2012).

At the centre of that game plan is one Uhuru Muigai Kenyatta.

It is no accident that this son of Jomo “land grabber” Kenyatta has been in the news in recent weeks like never before. First there was the 10 billion jigsaw puzzle in the supplementary budget (believe what you want but that cash is long gone. I reveal exactly where it has gone in my raw notes to be published tomorrow.)

It is no secret that Uhuru drinks too much (and he drinks the kind of stuff that burns your throat all the way down) and the pressure has been telling for anybody who looks at press photographs carefully. My information is that the political class (which includes Baba Moi) have heaped all their hopes on Jomo’s son. In other words Jomo Junior goes down and the whole political class goes down with him. I will elaborate this point further in my later posts to come. But an interesting aside here is that former president Daniel arap Moi has also been in the news a lot in recent weeks. This too is no accident. Moi is still smarting from the bitter defeat he suffered in the hands of Narc and Raila Odinga in 2002 and seems to have decided that a revenge victory is his sole life’s mission before he inevitably faces his maker like every man has to. His intricate plan to get Uhuru to State house is already in motion. It is a plan that seeks to incorporate all Rift Valley bigwigs (including William Ruto).

However what is most revealing about the next presidential race is that it is now abundantly clear that this will be the race for young candidates and anybody who will be over 50 will quickly find themselves irrelevant (and you can take that to the bank even if you are a die hard supporter of Kalonzo Musyoka and Raila Odinga). There are people here who have made an occupation out of labeling me a Raila stooge, but let me just say that I will never vote for Raila Odinga again but if truth be told, he was the legitimate winner of the disputed 2007 elections. The double standards and sheer hypocrisy that western countries often display just irks me because European countries have asked for a repeat of the presidential polls in Iran while nobody dared to suggest the same for Kenya in early 2008. Not because the tribal animosity and emotions were not healed but simply because some very powerful nations decided that they could not trust Raila Odinga to rule the strategically important Kenya. These same “powerful forces” have now thrown their weight behind Uhuru Kenyatta. More so after his maiden budget that appeared to “take care of the poor.” I get very amused when all manner of experts start to analyze the budget and make all kinds of projections. Does anybody ever bother to look at the levels of implementations of the previous budget before a new one is read? NEVER. To me the budget is just a political statement meant to achieve political objectives as funds are allocated to pay the big salaries of our horribly bloated coalition cabinet and to enable the rich and powerful to embezzle.

There is another very interesting development in the coming presidential race. All the candidates who have so far shown clear indications of running (except one) are all from the house of Mumbi. They are Uhuru, Martha Karua and at least two prominent well known persons from the civil society. This would have been excellent news because we would have managed to de-tribalize the race for State house which would be ideal just now, so soon after the 2007 debacle. However in view of what happened in 2007 and President Kibaki’s persistent policies, it is highly unlikely that any campaign (no matter how ingenious) will be able to successfully sell a Kikuyu to the electorate. This is the reason why the PNU think tank is working on winning the presidency by a slim margin. One of the reasons why the party is pushing for more provinces based on population. If Central province has two provinces and a Kikuyu province is hived out of Rift Valley, then it will make it much easier for a candidate like Uhuru to get the required 5 provinces a presidential candidate needs to be declared winner.

The odd man out of the presidential candidates list so far is of course agriculture minister William Ruto whose game of political chess has climbed a notch or three higher in the last 2 years. Still, Ruto’s bid will fail for many reasons, perhaps the most important being the happenings of January 2008.

Notice that all names mentioned are below the age of 50.

Whatever happens, Kenyans can be sure of one thing—and that is that this one will be the most interesting presidential race Africa has ever seen.

DVD Movies Kumekucha has been watching

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Gangster's Paradise Citizen's Nightmare


Kenyan criminals are using their resourcefulness to unleash an unprecedented wave of deadly car jackings, lucrative kidnappings and violent robberies at a time when many kenyans are unable to make any ends meet. For the most part all these incidences have involved the unfortunate loss of precious lives. It seems everyone is now a target and no one is spared including members of our own government.

The most recent incident involved a kidnap attempt on assistant nairobi metropolitan minister Elizabeth Ongoro's child from the prestigious Makini school. Insecurity is knocking at the executive door. Only last week youthful permanent youth secretary Murugu Kinuthia was shot and wounded in Hurligham in what is now an all too common scenario involving fatal car-jackings resulting in either near death experiences if not permanent loss of life. Thank God the job was not finished.

Gangster's paradise
Earlier this month Evans Akula MP was car-jacked. Being an MP he was robbed of the equivalent of two year's worth of taxed salary for the honest above average earning Kenyan tax payer. I am sure you're as concerned as i am it could be your MP next month.This insecurity problem is getting out of hand and fast. Gates are being opened quicker at night and dogs are upgraded from pet to security status.

As the Khwisero MP was chauffered around for three hours in a late night guided tour of the city he was chatted up by his captors who told him they were angry with parliament for not giving the country a new constitution and car-jacking was their escape route out of poverty. The gangster's have decided to make our nightmare their extended paradise oblivious of the fact a new constitution will not pass a law making car-jacking legal

It's not the first time this blog is speaking about security in our country. Chris has tirelessly worked to bring us up to speed with the security situation through his experience. The truth is no one kenyan life is more precious than the other and if only ordinary Kenyans had the luxury of knowing beforehand what crime was coming their way each day they would be forearmed . MPs whose lives are under threat possess firearms such that if indeed their life is in danger and they're not just crying wolf they can protect themselves.

Sadly the same luxury does not apply for the rest of ordinary kenyans although some kenyans in the diaspora have access to legally owning firearms. If only they would be so lucky to get a hint of what crime was coming their way at the start of each new day there'd be no need for a police force. The message is loud and clear -never before has the insecurity aspect of ordinary kenyan's daily hard-knock life rang so close to home for Kenyan MPs and government minister's. If executive action is going to be taken let it not be reserved only for the politicans and the elite but include ordinary kenyan lives which are just as inexpendable.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

KPC Scandal: Kiraitu’s Clean, Media Keep Off


Just how many political bullets must one body stop? Even before the Triton oil wave hit the shores, rivals are scheming to chop Kiraitu Murungi’s political head. Add to political nightmare the Imenti South MP faced less than 1000 days ago following Githongo’s onslaught and you understand why he dolls his lips into all shapes and forms.

KPL bosses even had the audacity to cheat their on Minister last year to request President Kibaki to commission an incomplete project in Mombasa. The Harvard graduate is not naïve and called the media bluff by reminding them that if he is corrupt then they should wait to see him get state accommodation at Kamiti.

And what is the main deal Standard newspaper is yapping about? If the project was designed to increase by purchase two pumps with 880 metres cubed/per hour capacity, what is the fuss if lower capacity 440 cubic meters pumps can deliver? Simple maths, it amounts to saving on number by half in addition to magnifying the original cost from Sh2.6b to just under 10b.

Malicious professors
The media must spare Kiraitu flack and disembark from the bandwagon hell bent on derailing his bright political future. They better know that the government is COMPETENTLY represented in KPL board meetings by the able minds of Solicitor General Wanjuki Muchemi and Energy Permanent Secretary Mr Patrick.

Nowhre ealse can you get more qualified representation than the President's own personal lawyer. The media are better informed that the Solicitor only graduated with a PASS because of malice from envious professors but that is a story for another day. And educationists will disabuse you of pegging performance on mere papers.

Kiraitu is on the right side of history, in right company and headed for bigger things. Not even Githongo’s juvenile enthusiasm to please his masters could extinguish him. He is the author of the MUD in politics and must know better. What is more, he has admitted what the Standard reported albeit with denial in the details. Couldn’t ask for a more forthright politician within our shores, or can you?

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Can The Mungiki Lead A Revolution?

I've avoided talking about the Mungiki because I'm terrified of those guys.

Over the past few days I've been thinking about this group of hardworking, industrious and extremely dangerous guys. I've wondered what motivates them, what grievances they have...and what solution could be found to stem the rising insecurity they pause to Central Province and eventually to the country. Like many organizations without a discernible public face, the Mungiki is difficult to figure out. What is clear is that by the gruesome nature of their murderous exploits, they are sending a stern message to us that business will not be as usual until their demands are met.

For starters, it is clear that this group of guys (do they have women in their ranks?) are extremely bitter with a Kenya they feel their forefathers fought for yet they can't even get jobs in. They frown at a government that does not seem to have a solution to their increasing frustrations...where they can't start businesses, can't raise decent families, can't afford the basic necessities of life, yet they see their leaders retire to expansive bungalows in tree-lined streets across the city. Why do we then wonder why they've resorted to tough tactics?

I recently traveled to Nyeri and saw for myself the difficulties some of the youth of that region face. Joblessness. Poverty. Hopelessness. What struck me was the similarity of their plight to what I've often seen in Nyanza, the Rift Valley and Western Kenya. Should I go to Mombasa and other parts of Kenya, I know the story will be the same. In a word, our youth are disillusioned and are ready for a revolution. They are ready to take on the leaders and create a situation where the nation's wealth won't be concentrated in the hands of just a few folks at the expense of everybody else. In fact, what do you expect the Mungiki youth to do when they see the Kenyattas with land the size of Nyanza Province while they coil in squalids? Should they sing Glory Hallelujah? And what should they do when Kibaki used them at the 2007 elections with promises to form the core of the Kenya Army then dumped them? Sing Hail to the Chief? I don't think so.

So what's the way forward?

Me thinks the time has come for the Mungiki to spread its wings across Kenya. I say so because this nation is ready for a revolution and I have seen that the Mungiki has the capability and the zeal to make it happen. What the Mungiki leaders need to do is broaden the scope of their mission to include liberating Kenya from the bondage of elitism and inheritance politics. They must act to keep Kenya from falling into the hands of Uhuru, Gideon, Jimmy and other big-name kids. By so doing, they'll be creating a level playing field for tough girls like Martha Karua and untainted brilliant men who've been kept from running for office by a system that glorifies sycophancy and ridicules penniless courage.

I abhor the murderous tactics of the Mungiki, but I'm also aware that we all take them seriously because of their success at intimidating communities. I hope they can turn their attention to using that success to free this nation.

My word to the Mungiki is...don't kill the small man. The small does not ride in a guzzler Mercedes or Prado. The small man does not live in a gated bungalow. And as sure as the sun rises in the East, the small man does not eat in the Serena and Safari Park. Those are the toys of your enemy!

Toys!

I know the Mungiki can be the new Mau Mau against the black rulers who've turned out to be even worse than colonial rulers. I personally think it's time to give our brothers from Central Province a chance to kick the hell out of this deaf system. Shake the system by going after the toys.

Go get them, folks!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Imanyara's Life in Danger or Just Crying Wolf?


No Kenyan can take a threat on his life lightly. More so if you have rubbed the high and mighty the wrong way. You don’t provoke an EXECUTIVE FOUL MOOD and get away with it.

So is Imanyara the next target or simply crying wolf? Well, given history, Imanyara's past dealings with the first family leaves him a very wanted man and he better take the scribbled LAME threats seriously.

State House has given the predictable contempt card. But what is baffling is why any intelligent Kenyan would hand write such a juvenile threat on police letter head. Only in Kenya where everything goes is such impunity tolerated. Otherwise the handwriting is handy evidence and trace that would take less than an hour to have the culprit cornered.

Executive foul mood
The latent threat has been delivered and Imanayara is better warned the same police meant to protect him are in the loop to harm him. That can only happen in Kenya where power men turn the police force into personal militia. Just wait until the same police shamelessly beg Kenyans to appreciate their THANKLESS hard task of securing and defending us.

Between Imanyara’s fears and State House’s contemptuous response, Kenyans know whom to trust given our bloody history. The jerk knee platitudes propaganda is symptomatic of a credibility vacuum.

Muite must stay armed after being warned for rattling gatekeepers.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Another Tank Blaze: No Poverty Excuse Please


We don’t learn, do we? Hardly 200 days since the Sachang’wan tragedy and yet we have human torches setting the bushes ablaze at Kapsoit. Now who will this careless public blame? They have been warned numerous times against siphoning fuel from tankers after accidents. But who cares when they can loot and make tidy money without any sweat?

Well until we disabuse ourselves of the mentality of freebies, we will continue to pay heavily for our stupidity both collectively and individually. The hollow justification of poverty doesn’t wash. Claiming that an empty stomach doesn’t reason is no excuse to plunge into hell from which you never live to tell the story.

Human torches
True, the body politics is stinking to high heavens. Also true is the latent complicity and enticement from belligerent tank drivers who jump out of moving near-empty tankers leaving them to overturn so as conceal their fraudulent tracks after selling most of the fuel.

Until we revert to basic human tenets of decency and hard work, breathing torches will continue setting bushes ablaze. That may sound insensitive to those in love of living lies and in denial, but it remains the painful truth with her hands fully stretched begging for a walk.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Iran: Foolish to Fight Twitter, Chase Shadows


Iranian people’s revolution may not succeed in uprooting the CLERICAL REGIME propping the incumbent President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. But they are living proof of how political dynamics and times have changed these past few years. The message is universal: no evil regime can succeed in using old tricks to trash a people’s will.

For those still living in fortresses of DENIAL and living beautiful lies they better wake up from slumber. Or continue cheekily asking for evidence. Well, as far as elections go PERCEPTION is everything and numbers only go so far to vindicate the same.

Gatekeepers of Islamic revolution may have gobbled more that they could chew. They remain oblivious of the fact that they are not elected and cannot purport to regulate free and fair elections.

Iran’s fiasco rings so familiar to our own experience on the bungled 2007 elections. The prize of rigging elections is incalculable. Dictators and scoundrels can only ignore perception and expand their egos at their own peril.

Familiar fiasco
And the symmetry is so striking and awash with obtuse impunity. In Kenya, the TV screens went blank and when they broadcasts resurfaced the pyramid of deception was so glaring. In Iran they went a step further to make it look landslide with Ahmadinejad’s topped up 63% but the coloured lie lost all the paint in the face of an enlightened public who knows better.

Even Ahmadinejad’s FAIR and SQUARE bravado sounds so familiar. Add to that Ayatollah’s speedy congratulations spiced up with the rider it was divine assessment and the true God must be raging with furry and feeling scandalized.

The time is up for political dinosaurs. No amount of posturing and GOING EAST will wash. Iran has borrowed Michiki’s script in gagging the press oblivious of the magic of information age. Revolution via twitter #IranElection and citizen journalism cannot be legislated.

Bastardize democracy
Not even banning rallies would stop Iranians from stroking embers of 1979 Islamic revolution albeit to remind the 12 pretenders so-called Guardian council of IN-BY-THE-SWORD-OUT-BY-THE-VERY-BLADE.

We live in an age and times that renders any form and amount of oppression unsustainable. The location and composition of a country doesn’t matter, the objective remain the same: DON'T BASTARDIZE DEMOCRACY.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Never-Before Published Information On Pio Gama Pinto's Last Weeks And The Origins Of Impunity

Pio Gama Pinto was warned by Mboya
Kumekucha Exclusive

The other day I had a terrifying ordeal. I got lost somewhere in the dark Kenyan countryside as I was on my way to see a friend. I had been to the place at least twice before but always during the day. In my younger more reckless days I have walked in corners of Nairobi at ungodly hours and gotten away with it but it was still a scary ordeal knowing how unsafe even the remotest corners of our motherland can be sometimes, especially at night. But the point I want to make is that for me to find my way I had to go back to where I started. I retraced my steps to the small shopping center which I knew well and my hosts came to pick me up.

Many young folks have never understood why going back to the past will help our future. They are yet to grasp the truism that to understand the present and future, you must know the past thoroughly.
Pio Gama Pinto: Mystery of his assassination solved by Kumekucha informant

Ever since I launched this blog in May 2005, I have always believed that Kenya’s turnaround will start when the killers of one Tom Mboya (and others like JM and Robert Ouko) are brought to book. In fact the main man responsible for Mboya's assassination is still very much alive (more on that later). And so since 2005 I have consistently maintained the hobby of researching the murder of this great Kenyan and constantly seeking new evidence wherever it can be found. It has been a fulfilling and fascinating experience. You see we live in very exciting times popularly referred to as the information age. Information is much easier to find that it has ever been in history. So fascinating stuff has cropped up on the web and at other times from very unexpected quarters. You see people get old and their conscience starts disturbing them and all of a sudden they start revealing stuff. That is exactly what happened for me to come across the explosive information I am about to publish. This information has never been published before.

But before I do, let me also say that I love investigative detective shows on Television. But none more than Cold Case. It fascinates me that detectives can actually gather evidence from a crime scene 20 years after the crime was committed. The assassination of Tom Mboya one lunch time on July 5th 1969 remains a cold case because the main perpetrators have never been arrested. The guy who supposedly hung for the crime, only pulled the trigger.

Well here is the information I recently came across. It sheds new light into the assassinations of two great Kenyans.

• Both Tom Mboya and Pio Gama Pinto feared for their lives and suspected that they would be killed a few weeks before their deaths.

Fascinatingly, a week before Pinto’s murder Mboya warned Pinto that he would be assassinated, according to my impeccable source. This information shocked me because Pinto’s murder has always been a mystery and Mboya’s name has even been mentioned as one of the people in the then powerful Kanu Kenyatta camp that sanctioned the assassination.

My source says that Mboya told Pinto that despite their ideological differences Pinto needed to get out of the country because he was going to be killed. Mboya said that it was not in his power to prevent this happening. Pinto’s response was to ask Mboya why he was warning him. Mboya then said that he could not keep quiet about such a thing. Sadly Pinto did not believe that Kenyatta's inner circle were capable of murder. He told Mboya that his assassination would cause too much of an uproar in the country. Mboya insisted that they were still going to do it.

Dr Njoroge Mungai: Free as a bird in quiet, prosperous retirement as Mboya family agonizes.

• But even more shocking are revelations of a confrontation between Pinto and Kenyatta in parliament buildings shortly before Pinto was warned by Mboya. (Few people know that Pinto and Kenyatta had a long history. Right from the days when Kenyatta was detained, Pinto used to run errands for him and fund raise for him as well). Pinto had discovered that Kenyatta had allocated himself a total of 50 farms in Central province and Rift valley. Some of the farms had poor Kikuyu squatters who were to be evicted. Others were farms that had been owned by whites and sold back to the Kenyan government. Pinto was incensed by this and despite making overtures to Kenyatta not to go ahead with the evil he was doing, Kenyatta adamantly stuck to his guns. Pinto decided to move a vote of no confidence in Kenyatta. Kenyatta confronted him within the precincts of parliament and challenged him over the no confidence vote. When Pinto refused to back down Kenyatta called him a bastard to which Pinto immediately responded by telling Kenyatta in front of witnesses and other cabinet ministers that he (Kenyatta) was also a bastard. A stunned friend pulled Pinto aside and asked him how he could call Kenyatta a bastard to which Pinto retorted, ‘he called me one first’. It was shortly after this incident that the decision was made to kill Pinto.

Jaramogi Oginga Odinga had arranged for Pinto to hide in Mombasa and if necessary sneak out of the country from there. However Joseph Murumbi (who was to be appointed Vice President later that year) heard about this and said it was not possible for Kenyatta to kill Pinto. He promised to speak to Kenyatta himself and diffuse the situation. He told Odinga to put Pinto on the train back to Nairobi and pick him up from the station.

• The day of Pinto’s death he was to move the motion in the afternoon session. Two fiat cars drew up at his house that morning. They were both taxis. The drivers had been paid kshs 7,000 each to do the job. There were plain clothes CID officers with them in car to ensure their escape. Pinto was killed in cold blood. It has never been revealed before but it was the realization that Pinto’s assassination had been carried out by Kenyatta insiders that led to the resignation of Joseph Murumbi as Vice President.

• Some months later a friend of Pinto’s got a phone call from a man who claimed he knew Pinto’s killers. They agreed to meet. The man said he was a taxi driver and knew who had pulled the trigger. They (Pinto’s friend and the taxi driver) then went to a brothel where the man said the killer frequented. He said he always wore a red shirt. Some time later the man came out of the brothel somewhere in Westlands. The man surprisingly admitted to being the killer. He said that some CID officers had approached him for a job and had paid him KShs 7,000. He argued that it was so much money for a poor man that he quickly agreed.

• On Tom Mboya, my source just confirmed information I already have. Mboya too had been warned by his American friends that Kenyatta was planning to kill him. They offered him body guards to which Mboya refused. Mboya’s assassination was organised by Njoroge Mungai who was the “Mr Fix it” in Kenyatta’s inner circle. The dirty man in Kenyattas inner circle, my source calls him. Charles Njonjo’s job was to protect him. My source also calls Njoroge Mungai the ‘organiser’.









Sunday, June 14, 2009

Kenyatta's Boy May Be A Good Reader But He's No Leader

The man is a drunkard.

I never cease to be amused by my fellow Kenyans, especially those in the press. Reading the newspapers since that superb reading of the budget by Uhuru, you'd think the press just discovered the existence of a masterful politician in our midst. You'd think that reading, in and of itself, constitutes what makes one great. No, it doesn't. But lest I be accused of diminishing the value of oratorical skills in leadership, let me say that such skills are very necessary for an effective leader to possess.

So, has Uhuru's oratory washed away his glaring weaknesses?

For those who are easy to hoodwink, it seems like that one reading was what it took. For folks like me who consider the totality of a man's character, based on his history, I find the sweet music we are playing close to Uhuru's ear appalling. This is the man who grew up under the protective walls of the State House, mansions in Gatundu and who knows where else, then he went to the States to study political science, right? So what's wrong with that, you ask? For starters, I know that such overfed, blissful sons of big shots cannot feel my pain. They have never had to fight to be where they are. They are always handed everything under the direction of Mama or Papa. There is no difference between Uhuru and that fat boy president of North Korea who inherited the presidency from his dad...and is now set to slap it on his son. Talk of stench!

But that's not what really bothers me.

The biggest fear in me is that Kenyans can be hoodwinked into supporting a man who has not be sufficiently investigated and cleared of his alleged involvement with the Mungiki. Weren't questions raised about his presence at a State House event where plans were hatched to use that violent organization to spread terror in Kenya, ostensibly to help Kibaki retain the presidency? Wasn't his presence in Naivasha at the height of the clashes read by some as a general out in the field to bless his soldiers? And isn't this the same dude who has been accused of being perpetually drunk? How can he now be a politician reborn just by reading a budget?

Fellow Kenyans, we must not allow folks like Uhuru reinvent themselves as great leaders when their past actions tell a story so different from what they try to bring to us now. Before we glorify this man, we must remember that he has questions to answer. Was he tied to the Mungiki? Is he a drunkard? Does he feel the pain of the little man? And what qualifies him to be president other than his being a son of a former president?

Until Uhuru answers those questions and dispels the fears of those of us who suspect him to have a hidden agenda in seeking the presidency, I want to remind my fellow countrymen that all Uhuru did was read. Now let's watch him implement what he read. If he can turn Kenya, over the next three years into a version of that rosy picture he painted in the budget, he just might be the guy to watch.

Until then, I have to wonder.

Mungiki, Vigilantes: The Devil or Dark Blue Sea


Central province and her Diaspora in Rift Valley are under siege. The Mungiki menace has acquired hell proportions. Ask anybody affected by this murderous gang and s/he won’t mince words in supporting the vigilantes who are serving COLD REVENGE to Mungiki.

True, an eye for eye leaves the whole province blind. But wait a minute, why leaders from these affected areas so cagey and guarded about lambasting these blood suckers and machetes wielders? No prizes fro guessing. The ogre is out mauling its keeper.

The Mungiki menace is symptomatic of failed leadership. Only deceit can make one baptize it otherwise. The truth is unpleasant and most people would rather have their egos soothed with evangelistic smokescreens. Well, preachers only make a killing in times of plenty and peace.

Until we face up to the present challenges and call a spade for what it is and not an earth relocating device, we stand accused of watering the unholy trinity of HUBRIS, DECEPTION and FRAUD that aptly define our body politics.

Unholy trinity
Daily Nation’s heart rendering gory tale of a husband being asked to pay for SERVICE RENDERED by Mungiki after gang raping his wife in his presence paint a war arena. Even during war, the UN has classified rape a war crime. Mungiki must be beheaded and extinguished. Their barbarity is spine chilling. Those who propped must be brave enough and face them squarely lest central province goes to the dogs.

The vigilantes are no angels either. Their acts of revenge will and has claimed numerous innocent lives. And just like Mungiki before them, once they are done they will mutate into another monster of extortion besides skinning skulls.

Where is TRUE LEADERSHIP when a region, nay country, is really crying for one?

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Enjoying Economies of Scale

Housing minister Soita Shitanda and his official car when he commissioned the Madaraka Infill Housing Project on Friday. Mr Shitanda said he cannot drive into a function in small car ‘‘similar to ones driven by teenagers’’. Photo/ETERSON GITHAIGA

I can not drive into a function with “a small car” belonging to teenagers

Friday, June 12, 2009

A Terrible Way To Die: Flight 447 We Remember

There are many ways people die but over the last couple of days the way in which passengers of the doomed Air France flight 447 may have died has haunted me and refused to leave my mind.

Conclusive investigations are of course far from being completed while other experts say that we will probably never know what really happened. Still one can imagine the following scenario;

The aircraft enters serious turbulence which naturally causes fear when you are that high above the ground as the aircraft shakes violently. Suddenly all the lights go off and there is pitch darkness (because it was a night flight). The next thing that happens is that the aircraft suddenly breaks apart and passengers can immediately feel the decompression of the cabin which causes breathing problems. So the poor passengers suffocate as they fall into dark nothingness. Most, if not all would be dead long before their bodies hit the icy waters thousands of feet below.

What also disturbs me about this accident is the fact that strange things always seem to happen when an Airbus accident is being investigated, something that this article brings out so well.

Aviation is a subject that has always fascinated me, more so it's history. Great risks were taken to make what we take for granted today possible. The first ever aircraft accident in history is instructive. Scroll down to the last article on this page to read a brief amazing history of how mechanized flight was discovered.

Get detailed latest information on this air disaster.

What Kumekucha has been reading;

I found this web page discussing the accident fascinating. More so because there were comments from several experts.

Uhuru’s Star Performer with Majimbo Budget


Uhuru’s delivery of his debut budget speech was marvelous. Short on jargon and long on freebies to everybody from alcohol to mitumba dealers. And his fellow MPs aptly rewarded him with thunderous applause. Jomo Junior’s delivery was superb and betrayed the hitherto so-called professions before him.

But there ends the party. Those old enough to have had their ears assaulted before with tough empty talk by Kenyan politicians know better. With all eyes on 2012, UK knew even better. With his populist constituency conditional stimulus plan, he hoped to bag allies in advance, delivery notwithstanding.

The majimbo budget was cleverly crafted to soothe national egos. Nyachae played to a full gallery before with his austerity measures that never took flight from his lips.

All the talk about localized package to pay for construction of roads, building fresh produce markets and fishponds and also enable a number of Kenyans living in far-flung areas access quality education is sweet music. Experience will drain you on any trace of optimism in walking the talk. Not being an alarmist nor a doomsayer but reality is never pleasant.

Colourful mirage
With no institutional reforms, all the good promises will only be selfishly implemented to serve partisan interests. Ask any government insider and s/he tell you that the so-called freeze on civil service recruitment only exists on paper. Finance and Education ministries are constantly hiring the RIGHT people. No prizes for guessing the fate of Sh1.3 billion set aside for teacher recruitment albeit with some token exceptions to create a false impression of objectivity.

All the buzz about devolved budget is great. But don’t be fooled. With no firm institutions to monitor implementation, the smart looters are simply creating disguised avenues to milk us dry. The fine print will lead you to modernized faceless Anglo Leasing-like schemes.

So UK scored highly on delivery. But only the mentally timid can start ululating hoping for commensurate action. Well, mirages keep caravans hopeful amidst sand dunes and scorching heat.

For those in search of evangelist missions, it never hurts to occasionally have your ego boosted oblivious of the painful disappointment thereafter. Welcome to Kenyan political theatre of scoundrels.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Ringera Best Person for Demanding KACC Post

He has the INSTITUTIONAL MEMORY demanded of an infant anti-corruption authority like KACC. He knows the shadowy Anglo Leasing ghosts inside out. He waxes Shakespearean like no Kenyan justice. And above all else he acts and thinks in the right first language.

Why would you give 2.5m monthly salary to a novice who will get overwhelmed with such a wage? Not even the most active president Kibaki can handle that much money.



Justice Rignera has no equal in Kenya’s judicial circles. In one fell swoop, the dragon slayer chopped the limbs of all legal scoundrels with his radical surgery.

Only Ringera with his unique hindsight correctly read the hitherto infant official mood in advance. Ahead of his time and before other Kenyans, he helped weed out unpleasant judicial faces. Hail Aaron.

Ringera is incorruptible thanks to his unique pay cheque. he has not betrayed his principal briefs in any way. And who else would have the guts and temerity to demand more powers to prosecute fraudsters?

Right tongue
Kenyans must learn to give credit where due. Ringera saved us international embarrassment by defending our sovereignty when one John Githogo took his phantom plays to the global gallery.

Ringera is a proven true patriot who sings no partisan tune. he deserves a second stint at the helm of KACC to complete the reign of banishing Anglo Leasing ghosts lest. Any other nosy choice will only succeed in flinging the loaded cupboard wide open. Please re-appoint Ringera and let the worms rot inside the drawers.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Omar Bongo Dead: End of Reign of Dinosaurs


These dinosaurs treat their countries like personal property. They consider themselves deities and woe unto those who dare challenge them.

We ordinary mortals owe plenty of gratitude to heart attack as liberally dispensed by Mother Nature. The attacks are not only MASSIVE, but so faithful they comprehensively accomplish the task which no money nor power can buy. The scoundrels may fraudulently escape tax for now but not the equalizer and only constant, DEATH.

President of Gabon Omar Bongo was not only Africa's longest serving leader but also the SHORTEST in stature. His diminished height may have been a source of personal and emotional insecurity hence the brutality meted on his perceived opponents.

With typical African BIG MAN mentality, Gabon’s PM denied Bongo’s death in Spain as earlier reported from there. But you cannot cheat death and he has eventually faced the truth by making the sad news. What is more, Bongo lost his latest wife (daughter of Congo Brazzaville President Dennis Sasso Ngueso) just two months ago.



Next customer please
Make no mistake, Gabon is not out of the woods yet. Ali-Ben (Bongo Junior) is the heir designate and as the present Defence minister he already has his fingers on the levers of power. Add that to the fact that his sister Pascaline (ex-FM) was the father’s chief of staff and you get a true African dynasty.

Gabon is an oil rich country with only 1.4m people making it officially one of Africa’s richest countries, but is it? No prize for guessing.

Mother Nature should expedite dishing the favour from Cairo to Harare and all the ROT SPOTS in between. That would free Africa from these dinosaurs who suffocate their people with unbridled IMPUNITY. Next customer please!

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Take the Kids Home First, Dammit

I had a beautiful ride to Karen the other day.

When you are new in a city as expansive as Nairobi, sometimes you learn a few things the hard way. A friend asked me to visit her in the Karen area. Well, since we hadn't seen each other for long I said I'd be glad to. She asked me if I knew how to get to that side of town and I said Of course I did. But since I wasn't sure I could drive there, I decided I'd catch a Number 24.

That was a mistake.

Turns out Number 24 goes out on a major excursion. When I told one of those dudes who hangs at the door as the bus cruises along where I would get off, he looked at me strangely, then asked, "Why did you take a 24?"

"Won't it take me to Karen?" I asked.

"Yes, but you should have gone through Langata."

Deng!

So I was in for a longer ride than I planned. And it didn't help that just fifteen minutes into the ride my friend started calling...wondering why it was taking so long. "Is it the rains?" she demanded.

I said, "Nope."

"Then what's the matter?"

The matter was...I was in the wrong bus, but being there made me see something that completely messed up the rest of my evening. As our bus came to a stop at one of those places where they empty folks and fill up, I saw a bevvy of excited school kids ready to jump in and head home. And by then it had started drizzling. I looked into the bus and could tell that there wasn't enough room for all of them. Was I going to have to get out of the bus to let in two more?

Man, imagine my surprise when the bus stopped, let out two passengers, then started off without the kids. Not a single one. Instead of the kids, the dude who hangs at the door allowed in two women and a hefty man! To my further dismay, nobody in the bus seemed to mind this sorry picture.

I rushed to the dude who hangs at the door and asked him to stop the bus. "The kids," I said.

"Wachana nao."

Leave the kids?

I couldn't take this. I told him to let four kids in and I'd pay the adult rate for them. To my sweet surprise, other parents in the bus took a child each and before long our bus was filled with happy children heading home to their parents and to do their homework.

In spite of the touching ending of that drama, I was left with many questions on my mind. How can it be that we would let parents ride home ahead of their children? I understand the right of the matatus to maximize profits, but are those profits worth our telling the young, helpless Kenyans that we don't give a damn about them? Can we treat the kids like they don't matter and still wonder why they turn out so angry and disillusioned in this society?

Someone needs to act, to work out a policy that forces the matatus to take the children home ahead of their parents. Until then, my fellow Kenyans, if you are in a matatu and a child is about to be left behind because he/she won't pay as an adult, step in and pay for that child.

Take the kids home first, dammit!

Of Poisoned Pyramid Wealth and Drug Money

Our mad rush to join the wealthy class has crashed head on with core values of humanity. The rich are using their corruptly acquired wealth even to impoverish more Kenyans. A look at victims of the pyramid schemes will disabuse you of the imagination that only the less-informed and villagers are vulnerable.

Despite the inviting hooks to destitution, you will find it damn difficult to stop a middle class Kenyan flashing his/her her Sacco loan into the drain of these pata potea schemes. The bait is often so sweet after few pioneers are handsomely rewarded with interests generated from new members. No wonder our televangelists are doing so well in this industry.

Before you know it the pyramid is speedily inverted and saturation at the base leaves it with only one option, crumbling down. You cannot fault Kenyans for their penchant to make a killing with any prey in sight.

The problem is that the prey is often deadly poisonous leaving trail of corpses from those who rush to sample its juicy steak. Just ask Equity bank investors who are yet to get they refunds after the artificially-engineered over subscription. But that is a story for another day.

Enter the PAINFUL tale of numerous young Kenyan women having a date with the hangman in China. These enterprising Dubai-bound businesswomen are now pleading innocent when the bubble bust in their faces together with their plastic fortunes. They must have known the high risk that comes with their REAL BUSINESS.

Hawking fake sympathy
After numerous trips abroad, it smacks of shameless naivety to claim that you were caught with heroin while innocently helping a business associate carry a bag. Leaves you wondering what would they say and tick when checking online whether they packed their own bags. But again we are Kenyans who are synonymous with obtuse vices that define genesis of our prosperity - the end justifies the means.

There is no substitute for honesty. The aura of FRAUD thriving among us will only succeed in extinguishing any trace of credibility hitherto associated with Kenya. HELL FOR LEATHER appears to be our motto. Woe unto you who fail to smell the opportunity miles away. A smart Kenyan will stealthily grab it leaving you wallowing in poverty.

Prosperity built on vice or its derivatives is unsustainable. It maybe human to sympathize with these mothers languishing in Chinese jails. But aware of their original sin in drug pushing and the zombies their heinous actions manufacture amongst us, you cannot be sure to hawk a fake sympathy.

What a sense of déjà vu seeing the MOST SUCCESSFUL only turn to recognize and appreciate the collective value of their less industrious peers when the chips are down and out. Damn values for they bring no food to the Kenyan table.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Perils of Propping Partisan Police Force

If Major Hussein Ali ever thought he is the overall boss then he better stop living the lie and smell the coffee. Ali must be aware that AP Commandant Kinuthia Mbugua is an authority unto himself answerable to those calling shots.

Forget all those glossy proposals by Ali to modernize Kenya’s police force. Retired Judge Philip Ransley’s task force, just like the myriad commissions before him, is nothing but a stop-gap measure meant to fool Kenyans of an apparent motion with no intended movement.

Any member of the disciplined forces would readily tell you that Kinuthia’s contradiction of his boss Ali amounts to gross insubordination. But who cares, Kinuthia is on the right side of power. He knows Ali would never dare question him lest the police boss wants to kiss his post goodbye.

True Kinuthia said AP operations are crucial to security in every corner of the country. But wait a minute, between the regular police and AP who is better trained to cope with complex security challenges outside raiding changaa dens? No prizes for guessing because it is all politics, period.

Political errands
APs are symptoms of acute dearth of any progressive post-colonial reforms. They are relics of colonialism that the black boss inherited from the departing white boss with the exclusive purpose to subjugate his own people. No wonder the villagers aptly call them TP for TRIBAL POLICE.

Kinuthia Mbugua must have thought of himself being very intellectual in proposing more autonomous police divisions including border police. Nothing could be further from the truth in his quest to propose parallel command lines that will leave him more powerful at the expense of the wider good.

The world over, a country’s police force must have a central command with different specialized divisions answerable to one authority. But not in Kenya where modernization acquires a whole new meaning exclusively designed to serve parochial interests.

Just look back to 2007 and see how our APs are perfect vehicles to run political errands.

Tribal police
Only within our deceptive shores do you find such skewed logic spewed to package division as source of strength. All those grandstanding about merger of competing police units to foster effective service delivery are just clever tricks to keep us engaged as the looters scheme on their next prey at our expense.

Kenya’s gatekeepers will not allow tranaformatio of the police with commensurate power to operate independently. Doing that will deny the power to unleash official militia to further their narrow political agenda.

We have been warned of Armageddon come 2012 by both Judges Kriegler and Waki should there be no comprehensive reforms before then. Well, it is just about 1000 days to go. OLE WETU.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Constipation from Five-Course Humble Pie


You can fool Kenyans sometimes but not the world all the times, Bob Marley could have as well sung. Saitoti must be still smarting from an exclusive five-course sumptuous meal of humble pie.

What a colourful and dramatic overnight climbdown? The local bravado from the ruling class melted in Geneva and all the hitherto brickbats at Prof Alston speedily transformed into accolades. Last weak Prof Saitoti derided Alston as a shame to the title professor and not worth the reference and at Geneva he hailed Alston’s recommendations as CONSTRUCTIVE and USEFUL.

Patriots had egged Saitoti and Mutula to call Prof Alston bluff in defense of our so-called sovereignty. To them damn all the global village buzz, we are independent and capable of butchering our own. Well, not quite as the world will not sit back to see us self-destruct. Forget all the balderdash about two wrongs making a right ala Iraq and Pakistan.

Exotic lies
Living beautiful lies only succeeds in eternal embarrassment. Without the international community we would be having no country to pride ourselves with. We lost all the moral fibre after bastardizing a people’s democracy in 2007. Continuing to live in denial will only expand the circumference of your ego, period.

Make no mistake, militias must be stopped dead on their tracks. Mungiki's barbaric beheadings is as unacceptable as officially sanctioned police brutality and extra-judicial slayings. You cannot use Mungiki to fool the world in covering state sponsored anarchy. Rule of law is what separates from inhabitants of the jungle.

What an obtuse scale of embarrassment to have factions of the same government export their division abroad? Until the scoundrels come to terms with the naked fact that it is NOT-BUSINESS-AS-USUAL, we continue the bumpy circular rise into oblivion.

Damn consultation
We are so divided and at war with each other so much so that even a foreigner like Prof Alston refers to the fissures between the coalition partners so casually. But expect smart Kenyans to rationalize any rot thrown at them. We baptize impunity with all exotic names but the monster remains just that IMPUNITY as it mutates to claim us all.

Well, the paper patriots can threaten fire and brimstone of all shapes and colour. But Saitoti must have seen it coming in his climb down. The hitherto bravado and attack on the messenger while glossing over the message would have left his face neatly pasted with eggs.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Cheap Pride: Sh.1m a Minute Defending Kenya

Plastic patriotism and sovereignty must be our most expensive commodity in Kenya right now. Otherwise we would not be sending a fractious delegation of 30 joy riders who will only address the UN council on human rights in Geneva for only 5 minutes.

And the bill, well, Kenyans have no qualms coughing out 5m to pamper 5 hard working ministers with a busload of busybodies. Why not show the UN that we value our murderous ways and tell them to lay off our own festival of flesh and blood. If anything the police only killed Kenyans and no foreigners.

Our sovereignty is priceless and we will do anything ORTHODOX or otherwise to defend it. Prof Alston can wax legal with his Congo and Cuba reports but he must be told off by our own smiling but superlative legal minds.

Two wrongs only need a Kenyan mirror to make an obtuse right. Alston must hunt down Bush and Rumsfeld for desecrating Iraq before he turns his evil eye on peaceful Kenya. Woe unto you who derides cheap options that fly like blaming the messenger while conveniently glossing over the message.

Moral authority
Let Prof Kiarie Kunuthia show Alston what a real PhD means. Yes, the policemen killed on his watch but that was Kenyan blood they shed which is none of Alston’s business. Rule of the law is only quoted among the weak-hearted not progressive and industrious nations like Kenya.

We must rally behind our leaders in defending our national integrity and identity. Only scoundrels mouth platitudes laden with in patriotism. The 2007 elections may have been flawed but we retain an overflowing moral authority to defend Kenya.

Add that the unique maturity to sort our parallel government positions in Geneva and you get a picture of a country overwhelmed with patriotism and objectivity. Nani kama sisi? HAKUNA.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Mutula, Tell Those Hypocrites We Can Handle Our Affairs

Mutula, Saitoti and Wako are off to an important meeting. Those three guys are going out there to defend the Kenyan government against accusations of orchestrated police brutality, bordering on heninous acts like extra-judicial killings and other acts so despicable they've warranted the intervention of the international community.

As the three gentlemen go out there, I've been stunned by the discord displayed by the government regarding Professor Helston's report. It is true that the ODM should have been consulted over this matter so that a coordinated and agreed upon response be formulated. I however think it was wrong for the ODM to come out and essentially walk away from what initial response of the government. There must be matters that we can handle differently, especially where we deal with hypocritical entities like the Western watchdog institutions.

Before anybody accuses me of condoning the mass killings that went on in Kenya and the troubling extra-judicial killings that may still be going on, let me say that I deplore any acts that are not in comformity with the laws of our land. What I can't stand is the hypocricy of an international community that will let a man like George Bush go free after killing thousands of Iraqis and flaggrantly trampling on international law to attack another state while calling on Kibaki to defend himself. Why is Kenya called to account and not the United States?

And wasn't it just recently that they arrested Ms. Kabuye, the aide to President Kagame, accusing her of involvement in the unfortunate acts that sparked the killings in Rwanda? Tell me again why they would want to come after this lady and not Donald Rumsfeld and the bunch of Neo-cons in the U.S. who thought out and sanctioned the war that has left the Middle East in flames. What is the difference.

Look, Kenya is a sovereign state that can hadnle its affairs just fine. This crap about Kenya walking on the brink of collapse and becoming a failed state is rubbish. Our democratic institutions are alive even though they need to be streamlined and made to work in a more efficient manner. What we need to do is make the Judiciary, Parliament and the Press function in a manner reflective of the existance of a vibrant free-market democracy.

We will do it.

So, Bwana Mutula, go look those hypocrites in the eye and tell them to go to hell. But you may want to know that when you come back home we will demand answers from you, Saitoti and Wako over what reallly happened? We will want to know who instituted the silent policy of killings within the police force and how many Kenyans have lost their lives in such a fashion. In the end, we will demand that the chief of police and all those who knew about this matter but kept quiet be held accountable...here in Kenya.

For now, show those hypocrites what we are made of, will you?

God bless Kenya!