Followers

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Breaking News on Lucy Kibaki from one of our correspondents

The story of Lucy is a very sad one.

She was very right and needs our support and prayers. She had stopped taking alcohol in 2002-when she became the first lady.

But some of Kibaki's friends have been pushing Wambui (Kibaki's other wife) to enter the limelight and be felt. Notably, Matere (Keriri Former State House comptroller who was fired after she got on Lucy's wrong side) and Kimunya (the Lands minister)have liked Wambui all along.

On the Friday before the 'Nation storm', Wambui wa Munene(this is her new title - "Munene" means 'big man' or 'boss') visited Othaya Hospital and donated equipment worth 10 million bob! The media as usual gave this event maximum coverage.

...to be continued

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

We must face the root cause of Kenya’s problems or all will be lost

Today we will address an issue that no writer has dared deal with squarely in Kenya since independence. Yet it is the root cause of most of our current problems in the country.

It is the sort of issue which when people mention, often yields dis-interested yawns, especially from the younger generation of Kenyans.

I beg you to be patient and hear me out. This is very important.

This issue is the issue of land. And we cannot start discussing this issue unless we start from the beginning. My apologies to those who have put the founding father of the nation on a similar pedestal as their gods. For Kenya to be saved, we must face the truth.

The founding father and first President of Kenya Mzee Jomo Kenyatta did not accumulate companies and businesses during his 15 year reign. He accumulated land. Vast tracts of it. His love for land, nay greed, would sometimes slip out during his speeches where he would talk;k about “ardhi yenye rotuba” or fertile land.

Ironical because so many Mau Mau fighters of whom Kenyatta was accused of being a leader of (and which he vehemently denied) died fighting for this land which had been taken over by the Mzungu (white man).

Yes, there was really no such thing as fighting for independence in Kenya. The fight was for land. As we shall see in our soon to be launched blog on political assassinations in Kenya, Kenya’s independence was gained more from dialogue than violence through heroes like Tom Mboya. We shall also see in the same blog that this issue of grabbed land, led by President Kenyatta, was the main reason why JM Kariuki died the horrible death he did, having his testicles cut off, probably when he was still alive, and stuffed into his mouth.

But I digress again.

I say it is ironical because many Kenyans lives were lost because the white settlers had taken over that land. Only for more ruthless Black settlers to take over the same land at independence.

The Kenyatta family recently donated 4,000 acres of land at the Coast to squatters. I leave you to judge the accuracy of the English language in that statement. In my book, the family gave back the land.

Land is such a sensitive issue in Kenya today that when the grand old man Kenyatta passed on and there appeared to be a succession crisis, the major issue was really land. The rich and powerful people who run Kenya wanted to be assured that all would be well with their ill gotten wealth with the new President. That is precisely why Moi came in with “Nitafuata Nyayo” (I will follow in the foot steps). Meaning that he would follow in the foot steps of his predecessor. It was to appease the rich and mighty of Kenya.

Today these families live in luxury in up market estates of Nairobi where their dogs eat better than many Kenyans working very hard trying to make ends but deeply disadvantaged by many government decisions taken to benefit the rich and powerful.

So many prominent Kenyans have been educated from this ill-gotten wealth from grabbed land. Land that was taken away from the people of Kenya.

And that is precisely how the culture of seeking political office to make money started. It started from the top. And that is the reason why a Parliamentary candidate is prepared to spend 30 million shillings in a campaign to win a parliamentary seat and yet his take home salary within his 5 years in office will only just about reach that amount. When you take into account inflation and other factors actually he will end up taking home less (see an earlier entry in this blog from a reader).

We can never hope to win the fight against corruption until we address this root origin.

And how do we do it?

The next government should have a truth and reconciliation commission set up where all these crimes against the people should be tabled. The perpetrators or their descendants should be forgiven. (There is really no way you can prosecute all of them). Only then can start again and move on to a new culture where people will never again seek political office to gain wealth or worse still to protect their wealth. What wealth is that that cannot be protected by the constitution?

More later.

But my apologies to all those numerous Kenyans, many of them even reading this, who were educated using this “blood money” from cash obtained from land Kenyans died fighting for. The descendants of these guys can also still be seen at Nairobi’s hottest night spots having the time of their lives splashing around money. Try the Carnivore on any Friday or Saturday night.

To redeem themselves the only thing they can do is join other Kenyans to push for political change so that we can change this thing. If not for ourselves for the sake of future generations.


Bill was quickly defeated, now you understand why
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Coincidentally even as the Kenyatta family was donating land at the Coast, a motion in parliament calling for the government to put a ceiling on the amount of land that an individual can own was shot down.

Lands Minister Amos Kimunya explained that Kenya was not a socialist country. In his book it is only in socialist countries that a ceiling can be put on the amount of land owned. (Or was he just repeating what his boss had told him?)

Yet the bill was a brilliant way of trying to right the wrongs done against the people of Kenya without raffling too many feathers. Or was it?

Monday, May 16, 2005

Tsunami prediction for Kenya

Three incidences have happened in the last few days that should have Kenyans very worried indeed.

Incident One:
The local press reports that opposition leader Uhuru Kenyatta has been visiting State House for talks with President Kibaki. Mr Kenyatta at first brushes aside questions from the press and looks a little surprised at these secret meetings (perhaps leaking).

Finally he talks to the press and makes an interesting comment. He says that he is aware as to who has leaked news of his State House meeting to the press. He declines to name the person. He goes on to downplay the meeting as something very normal. It is normal for the leader of the opposition to meet with the Head of State in any country in the world he says.

Incident Two:
Prsident Kibaki warns a certain unamed leader from trying to incite Kenyans to take to the streets. He wonders why this person does not want to be led. Although he does not name the politician, the press widely interprets it as being Roads Minister Raila Odinga. Actually if you look at the facts and chain of recent events, there can be no doubt as to whom the President was referring to.

Incident Three:
Now here is the chiller. After an earlier widely publicized meeting at the Kibera slums, within his Langata constituency, Roads Minister and defacto leader of LDP (Liberal Democratic Party) Raila Amolo Odinga tells the press that Kenyans should brace themselves for a political tsunami in the country. The minister says that he is forseeing a serious political crisis in Kenya. He pleaded with his cabinet colleagues to sit down and reason together to avert the coming crisis.

At the same time, he denies that he is the un-named politician the President was referring to as inciting Kenyans. He says that the media were putting words into the president’s mouth.

The indications are that the house of Mumbi has once again closed ranks to deal with what they see as the immediate danger and threat to life as we see it in Kenya today. At the centre of it all is the proposed new constitution.

So why should an attempt to introduce a new constitution cause so much trouble?

In a seentence here is the answer; Because it will upset the status quo and transfer real power back to the people. Or as some prominent Kenyans, including the President like to see it, transfer power to no clear place.

Whichever way we see a new constitution, is now rapidly becomeing a peripheral matter. At centre stage is the fact that Kenyans are being taken back to that place where we are being forced to view politics on purely tribal grounds and along tribal lines. Soon it will be which ttribe is in which faction of the coalition?

It is precisely how Moi stayed in power for 24 years despite crazy odds and it is the trump card our current government seems to want to use to ward off any serious opposition and to remain in power, the status quo intact, well beyond 2007.

What do you say to this, the people of Kenya?

Those who understand Kenya’s past well will marvel at the way history has such an uncanny ability of repeating itself.

In 1963 there was another “Kibaki Tosha” man only that at the time it was “Kenyatta tosha” who was very instrumental in sweeping Kanu and Jomo Kenyatta into election victory. Shortly after that independence election victory the man found himself in a position very similar to that Raila Odinga is facing currently. That man was one Thomas Joseph Odhiambo Mboya, actually the greatest political son that ever came out of Kenya’s womb.

That guy proved a little too complicated for the Kenyatta kitchen cabinet to deal with and in the end there was no alternative but for him to stop a bullet in broad daylight on the streets of Nairobi one Saturday afternoon, July 5th 1969. That was the turning point for Kenya. That was the point in history when Kenya turned from the right track and rapidly took to the road that only leads to the dogs. Not so much because of the greatness of the felled man but more so because of his position then and the political circumstances. But more on that later. Later today we will launch a brand new sister blog that deals specifically with political assasinations in Kenya. We will cover in great detail Tom Mboya, JM Kariuki and finally Robert Ouko. We will tell you who killed these illustrious sons of Kenya and why. And most of all how the first two assasinations led to the current political problems we have in Kenya.

The third assasination was very different. It was really more of a personal thing. The truth is that as eloquent as Ouko was in defending the excesses of the then Kanu government, he was a nobody in Kenyan politics. A man who became much more famous and important in death than he ever was while he was alive. One could argue that the first two were felled in the heat of the battle, and if you look at it this way, Ouko was an “innocent weakling” killed in cold blood. That is why it is the view of this writer that the killers of Ouko will be brought to book much earlier. Long before those who were responsible for felling Mboya and Kariuki are caught up with. Visit that blog, which will be launched towards the end of today. Look out for details here.


But for now back to Raila.

The truth is that we are back to 1963. Only that this time there will be NO political assasination (our current crop of top politicians are many detestable things but thank God they are not stupid).

If the situation is not checked however, there will be something much more worse than a single political assasination. What Raila is referring to as a “tsunami”. When elephants fight it is the grass that gets hurt.

Raila and company are bitter that a government that would not have come to power without their help has now sidelined them and gone further to invite those whom they defeated into government.

The Kibaki regime are still living in the 1960s and do not see how anybody can dare challenge their position or dare challenge the President of the Republic of Kenya who knows what is best for all Kenyans and does not want any debate about it because ordinary Kenyans are not intelligent enough to understand these things (Kenyatta’s position exactly.)

The tragedy of the Kibaki regime is that although this may have been just a little true at independence, it is definitely not the case now. For example me and you are ordinary Kenyans and we are reading this blog.

We ordinary Kenyans are much worse off than we were at indipendence. In fact those who were alive during colonial rule will tell you that life then was a picnic in paradise compared to what is happening currently. The Colonial government was much more “people friendly” than any of the governments we have had in Kenya since independence.

Apart from lots of discrimination and not being allowed on Government street (Moi Avenue today) if you were a “native” African, life wasn’t too bad. Many of us would rather the inconveninece of going to River Road and then instead of making your way across town to Moi Avenue for your bus home, being forced to go round Haile Sellasie Avenue. Ironically many Kenyans avoid the city centre at all costs today because of the traffic.

So when Kenyans are living in this kind of hand to mouth situation brought on them by the very politicians they voted into office, the country becomes a keg of gunpowder waiting to explode at the slightest spark.

Am I being alarmist? NO way. If the leader of the opposition crosses the floor so quickly to side with the government on a number of thorny issues then what is the ordinary man on the streets expected to think? Do you think that it will be lost on him that the leader of the opposition and the president are both from the house of Mumbi?

God has been good to Kenya despite some serious problems and even provocation, violence has never broken out. We have come close several times but have survived. But now the situation has changed. Keep reading this blog and we will give you examples to prove our point.

It is not the policy of this writer to be alarmist or to be a warmonger. I love peace and have too much to lose if there is a serious problem. My aim is to get people to wake up and especially our politicians, so as to avert trouble and steer our beloved country back to the highway to development and prosperity that our fathers wandered away from in their self-seeking search for personal wealth.

Thank you for reading. Please keep reading.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Kenyan describes life in Kenya today

I received this comment in my email from a Kenyan based in Nairobi. I have never seen such an accurate description of life in Kenya today...

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Kenyans have similar challenges depending on their income bracket. The
gap between the haves and have-nots is widening by the day.

The haves are engrossed in making more money and then stashing it overseas.

The have-nots are striving to place food on their tables as the taxman
hovers around them during the day, and the thugs await his collections
in the evening.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Content posted on Thursday 12th May 2005

• Will the real boss at State House please stand up?
• Why the State House media protest is a waste of time
• My encounter with Lucy Kibaki
• What Kenyans are saying
• Circulating in the mail (You’ll not believe what Kenyans are e-mailing each other)

Will the real boss at State House please stand up?

Never has our beloved country sunk so low. What is currently happening makes the Moi days seem like golden years and Moi (with all the looting he and his henchmen did) seem like a hero.

While the family whose dog saved an abandoned child somewhere in Dagoretti are rescued by an impromptu funds drive by journalists (two days ago) who had gone to cover the pouring in of dog food donations for the heroic dog, valuable State house time and funds are being spent making a bizarre complaint to the media about the coverage of the first lady. The cash and time would have been much better spent trying to solve some of the pressing problems facing many of our fello countrymen right now.

The so-called media watch dog in Kenya, The Media Council has confirmed that it has received the official complaint from State House.

The Lucy Kibaki (oops) sorry, I meant the State House protest is mainly centered around the two recent night visits by the first lady that have raised so much interest worldwide and shame for Kenya. The first night visit which started it all was to protest the noise at the World Bank Country director’s farewell party. (One thing is for sure, Moktar Diop will not forget Kenya in a hurry. His mistake was that he got the real decision maker in the country all mixed up. More on that later.) The second night visit was to the Nation center home of the Nation Media House to protest media coverage over the first incident.

The media council will spend valuable funds talking to both parties, that is State House and editors at the two media houses. Money that would have been much better spent making donations to some of our starving fellow countrymen.

The one positive thing that has come out of this latest development is that the identity of the real decision-maker at State House has been confirmed beyond any doubt. Thank you State House, there were some people still arguing on this one and just a little confusion left. Thank you for clearing the air.

Politicians and anybody who wants a decision made please do not waste your time booking an appointment with anybody else but Lucy Kibaki. That is if you want to get anything done.

Ask Makhtar Diop.

Why media protest is a waste of time

The world has changed a great deal since the days when nobody would dare print any negative story on one Jomo Kenyata alias Johnstone Kamau. Or even his wife, Mama Ngina.

This is the old world where Lucy Kibaki and company are stuck tight. Like somebody stuck in a time machine that has gone back to the 70s.

In those days people got all their information from Newspapers and the radio. (There was nothing on TV, and anyay very fe people oned Televisions).

Then something happened in the 1990s that still failed to wake up the then government to the new realities of media and information.

The Ouko murder had just happened and there were whispers all over the place but nothing concrete. Then somebody faxed a detail account of what they alleged had happened. Operation Bikini, they called it. Bikini came from Biwott Kiprono Nicholas. Wiuthin two days everybody in Nairobi knew in minute detail what how Ouko was murdered. So far this fax version has concurred quite closely with lots of information that has gradullay been made public.

Today we have mobile telephones that stretch and reach almost every corner of the republic. Not to mention the internet. There are cyber cafes even in villages now and the number of people with at least an email address has grown tremendously.

So what is this media that they are trying to control?

For sometime now Kenyans all over the world have been sharing and enjoying information on Lucy that exposes the Kenyan daily media’s coverage of Lucy for what it really is – self-censored-half-baked-reporting-controlled-by-fear. Better to report the whole thing as it is or not at all. As they have found out, they still got into trouble with Lucy after all the self-consorship.

My encounter with Lucy Kibaki

All her life, those who have known Lucy are fully aware of her true character. She thrives on causing scenes and she does not care who is there and who it is she is standing up to.

In the mid 1980s while working at a building called Waumini Anexe, we were all disturbed by a commotion coming from a shop downstairs. There was a woman screaming at the top of her voice.

We all rushed down into this small Asian man’s shop situated within Westlands Arcade, to see a small shoddily dressed woman screaming at the top of her voice. Yes, the first lady improved her dressing only after we elected her husband into office. If you don’t believe it, check out pictures of her in newspapers in late December 2002.

It turned out that the lady was Lucy Kibaki and she had been upset because the watchman employed to look out for shop lifters was following her around too closely. She was upset at being mistaken for a shop lifter, or so she claimed.

The first lady’s character is a national issue because she should set a good example. Do you want your small daughter to grow up knowing that it is okay to cause a scene when she feels like it?

We did not elect Lucy. We elected her husband as our President and the big question on all our minds now is this...

Can a man who is not able to bring order to his own household, bring order in Kenya and solve the many pressing problems facing Kenyans?

What Kenyans are saying

Email received by the writer of this blog from a Kenyan based in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.

Jaha, Trust you to embark on yet another exciting venture. You never cease to amaze me and it will be my pleasure to be of any help. I will publicize it for you, amongst my friends.

Meanwhile for your launch I suggest you include something about a new Consciousness emerging among Kenyans who have become fed up with their nation being relegated to the status of a banana republic due to an
ethos of tribal politics of survival as opposed to politics of development, leadership that manipulates the masses for their individual selfish gain as opposed to serve the masses for the welfare of all and the capitalistic ethic that embraces and praises the accumulation of wealth without considering the means.

In Kenya's case it seems we have set an enviable precedent that encourages accumulation of wealth through political leadership positions.

Otherwise why would a parliamentary candidate spend 33 million Kenya shillings to fight for a parliamentary seat where he will only earn shs 0.5 million per month???

Watch this space.......

The Funniest Kamba Jokes (si kwa ubaya lakini)

What are Kenyans currently sharing in their email boxes?

Some (allegedly) Kamba jokes
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The writer of this blog is strongly against tribalism but his father
Click image for more info
happens to be from Machakos. The nice Kenyan who forwarded these sick jokes to my email must have forgotten that my mother hails from the late Wamalwa Kijana’s place.

I reprint the jokes here to prove how "sick" they are…

My Ngoondness - this is too funny Njust Lelax...

A Kamba is buying a TV.

"Do you have color TVs?" "Sure."

"Give me a green one, please."

A Kamba calls KQ
"How long does it take to fly to Machakos?"

"Just a second," says the rep.

"Thank you", says the Kamba and cuts the line.

A Kamba proposes to a woman.
She says, "Yes, if you'll bring me a pair of crocodile
boots."

He sets off to Maasai Mara and disappears.

Finally a search team finds him hunting a huge
crocodile.

He walks over to the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims,
"The 70th damn croc and this bugger is also barefeet!"

A Kamba goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos."
The Kamba then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold
things cold."
The Kamba says, "I'll take one!"
The next day, he walks into the office with his new
thermos.
His boss asks, "Wow, you have a Thermos! What do you?
have in it?"
The Kamba replies, "Two cups of coffee and a Coke."


A Kamba went to the appliance store sale and found a
bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the
salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell it to Kambas," he replied.
The Kamba hurried home removed his beard and changed
his hair style, then came back and again told the
salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Kambas," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he still can recognize me," he thought.
He went for a complete disguises this time, haircut
and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then
waited a few days before he again approached the
salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Kambas," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a
Kamba?"
"Because that's a microwave," the salesman replied.


Why did 18 Kambas go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

The doctor told the Kamba to run eight kilometers a
day for 300 days to LOSE WEIGHT..
After 300 days, the Kamba called the doctor to report
he had lost the weight, but he had a problem:
"I'm 2400 kms away from home."


A Kamba's two sons Kilonzo and Muoki are waiting at
the train station for a train to Machakos.
A train comes and as the other passengers are
boarding, Kilonzo asks the clerk:
"Can I take this train to Machakos?"
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Then Can I?"Asks Muoki.

Having lost his donkey a Kamba, got down to his knees
and started thanking God.
A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing;
why are you thanking God?"
The Kamba replied "I am thanking him for that I wasn't
riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have
been missing too."

A Kamba got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth
certificate
Mother: Kenyan.
Father: Kenyan.
Kid: Chinese.
"How come you wrote "Chinese" when both parents are
Kenyan? "asks the registrar. The Kamba says, "Ahhh...
I read in the newspaper, that every 4th person born on
Earth now is a Chinese."

A Kamba, Muoki, and a friend, Pakoris, went to South
B. They managed to get into a double-decker bus.
Pakoris somehow managed to find a seat downstairs, but
unfortunately Muoki got pushed to the top. After a
while, when the rush was over, Pakoris went upstairs
to see his friend Muoki. He met Muoki in a bad
condition clutching the seats in front with both hands
and saying his prayers, scared to death.
He asks,"Oi Mkamba! What the heck's goin'on? Why are
you so scared?...
I was really enjoying my ride down there?"
Muoki mumbles, "Yeah, but you've got a driver."

A Kamba, with two red ears, went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and
he answered,
"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but
instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked
up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But. what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."

A Hawaiian and a Kamba from Kenya were asked to form a
sentence with the words: Green, Pink and Yellow.
The Hawaiian wrote:
Every morning I put on my Pink shirt, light up my
Green cigarette and look at the Yellow sun.
The Kamba wrote:
Every time I hear the phone ring, "Green! Green!", I
pink it up and say," Yellow!"
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I dug this out of the Kumekucha archives

How could she…?? That girl was yours, or so you thought. How could she fall for a player and a man who is NOT nice to women like that guy I can't stand?? What happened?
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What the kumekucha blog is all about as written in the very first 2005 post: It seems we've stuck to what we said we'd do

What the Kumekucha blog will do FOR YOU

Blogs have rapidly changed news and the way we receive it all over the world. Kenyans took a while to pay attention to them, but then now that is changing.


Big newspaper publishers and media houses have always had their own interests to promote (even at the expense of delivering news to the public). Now for the first time in history, blogs have changed all that and delivered the power of controlling the news back to where it should be – with the people. Me and you and all the other people out there.

And it could not have happened at a better time when internet facilities are becoming widely available all over Kenya.

But sadly Kenyans and most of Africa has been a little slow catching up with these new media developments and yet we are the part of the world that has suffered most over the years from the suppression of the press and the free flow of information. Even as I write this the new Kenyan government (which incidentally rode into power with a lot of help from press) is looking into new ways of controlling the media.

We expect to carry news and information here on Kenyans wherever they may be that the main media has missed. Or information that they could not dare carry for various reasons. I am aware that Kenyans living away from home will also find this blog fascinating and we will aggressively seek information from them on the true way they live their lives in those far off foreign lands.

We invite you all to post information or news that you have witnessed which you think will be of interest to other Kenyans. If you want the information published as a news item rather than a comment by a reader, please send it via email directly to me using this email address:- umissedthis at gmail dot com

Otherwise I take this opportunity to welcome you all to this blog. Please take note of our address and visit often (daily if possible), we will work very hard to ensure that every visit you make ends up being super interesting.
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I later dug this out of the Kumekucha archives

How could she…?? That girl was yours, or so you thought. How could she fall for a player and a man who is NOT nice to women like that guy I can't stand?? What happened?
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