NHIF: Scandals Galore as Elections Approach

The latest smell of scandal at NHIF cannot be divorced from the forthcoming general elections. History is replete with mega scandals minted to finance elections. The Ministry of Medical services cannot woodwink us to believe in spending 700m in two phantom health institutions. It follows a very familiar script akin to exporting non-existent gold and selling air using tax payers money.

Introducing the usual ODM-PNU wars does not whitewash. The NHIF board drama captured it all. Meanwhile the loser remains the very Kenyan tax payer who will unwittingly end up supporting and electing one of their own after being taken the cleaners by the very fraudsters.

We are not poor because of lack of great policies. Far from it, our main problem lies in the fact that we formulate very good ideas with the singular objective of cannibalizing them. Fleecing taxpayers of their health insurance of amounts to dancing on their collective graves. Conscience my foot!

What is more, just the other day it was revealed more than 200m was smartly misplaced in the budget estimates. It didn't matter that the line ministries did not ask for the money neither were they aware. This is Kenya we are talking about where COMPUTER ERRORS crop up handy when caught with hands firmly in the national till.

Add that to Kimunya's latest attempt to populate KPA board with the right DNA and you need not look far at the naivety of fueling Mombasa Republican Council's crusade to secede.

The adage you get the leaders you deserve has never been more accurate. The scoundrels we do call our leaders were not elected by aliens.

The season of accelerated fraud is here with us folks. And it will only get nasty and more intense as we close in on the election date. Brace yourselves for all shades of political posturing. NA BADO

Sacked Judges Reflect Our Rotten National Values

The Judges and Magistrates Vetting Board has exposed the rot that most Kenyans would rather have under wraps. The decision to fire top judges who have been acting as gate keeepers of corrupt regimes and owners of Kenya should act as a sounding board that it is not business as usual. Times and Kenya have changed ahead of her citizens. The lack of bigots pointing fingers at Sharad Rao and his team is a clear testimony of the wider objectivity and acceptability of the execution of their mandate.

Previous acts of impunity are speedily catching up with their perveyors. No other institution is best placed to lead by example and from infront than the Judiciary. This is a profession steeped deep in tradition baggaged with heavy Englich language with no commensurate actions. Clinging on seniority while offering no ground-breaking progressive judments amounts to nothing but taking pride is a catalogue of previous mistakes packaging the as experience.

The Rao team had their eyes singularly trained on the forest and refused to be distracted by the thorny trees. The Goldenberg scam will remain a blot on the conscience of our leaders for years to come and by pinning both Nyamu and Bosire on the same was an indictment of their colleective and personal incopetence and judicial insensitivity. One is left shuddering if Riaga Omollo were to succeed in becoming the Chief Justice last year.

Whoever branded lawyers as legal scoundrels had massive brain wave of a genius. That our Judiciary lack philosophical depth need no gainsaying. Forget Nyamu's elementary attempt at poetry while protecting the corrupt. The Vetting Board has reawakened the hitherto lost national renewal of 2002. Those who butchered our national pride as the happiest people in the whole world must be ashamed of their brutal acts.

But all is not lost, we have an opportunity to engineer the change we want. If only we could seize the moment and walk the talk. But can we? Only time will tell. Over to you dear Kenyans.

How Prof Ole Kiyiapi Might Just Sneak in to State House

By Mpesa 

The elections are still a long way ahead yet we have these bizarre rituals, murder plots and other funny conspiracy theories being floated about by wild politicians as they go about sowing their political wild oats. By the time we hit August, Kenyans will be sick and tired of all the politicking going on. It will be hard for these tiresome politicians who are dancing themselves lame before the main event to keep that lead on opinion polls and this is where the "unknown unknowns" like Prof Ole Kiyiapi might just sneak in. 

I was watching this charismatic Kenyan being interviewed on live TV this morning (Citizen) and wondered why we Kenyans keep electing thieves, crooks, liars and cheats who happen to be tribal bigots in place of the likes of Ole Kiyiapi, the late Wangari Maathai among others. What's so fascinating about these overnight billionaires and crooks we keep on electing some who would idle around "jobless corner" outside Hilton just some few years back. 

Ole Kiyiapi was even candid enough to declare his wealth to all Kenyans, he's still renting in the city (lucky me at least I have a mortgage) and just bought a car the other day which he's still paying for among other interesting revelations. Now, just imagine someone like Saitoti declaring his wealth on live TV and telling us how he made all his billions! 

I think Kenyans are at a crossroads. We either elect someone like Ole Kiyiapi who means well for this nation or the usual crooks who are promising to unleash hell if they are not elected. Personally I'm not saying I will automatically vote Ole Kiyiapi, but I wish more honest guys like him would come forward so we can have a wide selection. I believe it's time for Kenyans to be very angry this year with the usual order of things and start thinking outside the box- and not what tribe so and so represents!

Secrets Behind Bizarre Gitobu Imanyara Carjacking

Some people seem to think that Gitobu Imanyara’s harrowing experience the other day in the hands of hoodlums who threatened him was a joke. After all politicians claim all the time that their lives are in danger.

However there are two details (stranger than fiction) in the Gitobu Imanyara saga that makes it stand out and indeed very scary to Kenyans who are sensitive to these things.

The first is that the whole incident took place just a few metres from the precincts of State house Nairobi.

Secondly the bizarre instructions that the legislator was given. That is to face Mount Kenya and utter the words; “Uhuru tuko Pamoja.” Why face Mount Kenya? Why utter those particular words? Why three times?

The whole of the area surrounding State house Nairobi is a high security zone and understandably so. You don’t move around in that area armed to the teeth, let alone carjack a legislator and ask him to kneel on the road while you casually threaten him. That is plain insanity. Unless of course you were for some reason not scared of the presidential security detail. Now under what circumstances would you not be worried about the presidential security detail? Kindly chew on that, digest and then figure it out for yourself.

The facing Mount Kenya business has a lot of significance also.

Those who have read my landmark book “Dark Secrets of the Kenyan Presidency” (Go to THIS page and scroll down to the bottom to get your free copy of the book in your email today) will know that the founding father of the nation was raised by a famous medicine-man. This was after he lost both his parents at a tender age.

Magana (the name of that witchdoctor) told Kenyatta when he was very young that he was destined to be a very famous leader one day. He also told the youngster that his leadership was tied to Mount Kenya and that when the time came some sacrifices would be required on that mountain. That is why Kenyatta stuck to traditional beliefs all his life and he believed Mount Kenya was a sacred mountain. And this is one of the reasons why he wrote the book Facing Mount Kenya. The rest of this bizarre story is in my book including the sacrifice that is said to have been made on that mountain for the Jomo Kenyatta presidency.

Fast forward to the presidential elections of 2002 and sacrifices were again made on Mount Kenya on behalf of the presidential candidate Uhuru Kenyatta.

I will not go further in explaining the full spiritual implications of these actions because it is my firm belief that my readers cannot handle it. However what I can confidently reveal to you here and now is that we are already in the season of witchdoctors and withcraft. A vast majority of politicians right across the political divide have already consulted witchdoctors or will do so in the next few weeks and months. Presidential candidates may even find that the witchdoctors in the country are not powerful enough and will seek outside ones most notably in countries like Tanzania, Nigeria and India.

The bizarre Gitobu Imanyara incident is just a tip of the iceberg. All over the country as you read this, politicians even very well educated chaps are visiting these strange places and these full grown men are doing all kinds of bizarre things in the name of winning the forthcoming polls. Repeating words and phrases three times or seventy seven times. Having sex with corpses or old women etc. We are in campaign season and what is even more worrying is that it may end up being a very prolonged campaign season.

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Evans Kidero Governorship Bid: Good intentions, Bad Calculations?

By Mpesa and Anon@4:53

Any publicity is good publicity. We can all pick Waititu from the crowd any day but who can recognize this Evans Kidero guy or that Philip Kisia who has messed up our city from where former town clerk Gakuo left off?

Evans Kidero: Aggressively campaigning for Nairobi governor.

I agree with Chris, like or hate him, Waititu (also famous for stuffing wads of notes in his socks like a real makanga) is the man to beat! I predicted right here that Sonko was the man to beat in Makadara long before that by-election after watching him closely and his relationship with the walala hoi. Waititu is a real hustler who also runs a garbage collection business in the city and has employed hundreds of down and out youths. He is just using Sonko's well tested formula of representing the hopeless and showing them he feels their pain by joining them in slum demonstrations and hurling stones at people who grab their precious little unlike designer suit wearing and snobbish Kidero and Kisia who would rather be seen dead than "chafuaing" their hands in stone throwing!

Anon@4:53 Adds;

Evans Kidero of all people a front runner for Nairobi governor? Are you really sure Chris? Why the mention of Evans Kidero with regard to seeking one of the high profile political seats in the nation's capital?

With all due respect to Kidero, his underground political network, old time golfing buddies, and his diehard sympathizers, running for the gubernatorial elections in any part of the country is way far beyond Kidero's league.

And this includes other so-called ambitious (former and current) CEOs, PSs, military officers (rtd) and school teachers who are busy trying to seek or take a bite at the sordid parliamentary pies in high profile urban elections in 2013.

Good intentions, bad calculations for one sugar plantation manager, a man who needs to first learn how to crawl before he can even try walking in his own home backyard of somewhere in the region west or east of the vast sugar plantation under his supervision.

And as for the so-called Raila support for people like Kidero and company, it will amount to zilch, (zero, nada, bila, sufuri), in any far away places like in the metropolitan regions of the country.

Even in Kibera of all places, Kidero will not win any amount of votes that will place him above the other four candidates who have already decided to seek the soon to be vacant parliamentary seat of Kibera.

Running a sugar plantation, whereby Kidero has been so used to flying out to Nairobi on the company's 'semi-hired' plane (in the same manner the European nyaparas of old used to do) at a moment's notice does not qualify him for being the right candidate for the gubernatorial seat in Nairobi.

Not that there's any person out there who is suitable yet to govern the very huge metropolitan plantation that is hundred times more complex than the rural sugar plantation where it's so easy to please the sugar farmers with little bonuses here and there during every other harvest season. Or when all fails, have the farmers held hostage with scary tales and rumours about plummeting sugar prices on the world markets.

Flying out to Nairobi every weekend to play a around of golf, or having lunch with business associates on company's dime (ndururu) should NOT make people like Kidero overestimate their political abilities beyond the limited confines of their current corporate plantations.

People like Kidero and company are not yet ready for showtime in the political arenas of seeking elective office in places such as Mumias ("his adopted backyard"), Kisumu, Nakuru, let alone in Mombasa or even Nairobi.

By the way, Waititu wa Matata would defeat Kidero hands-down in a landslide victory whether all of Waititu's opponents in and around the city of Nairobi like him or not.

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Survey Shows Surprising Front Runners For Nairobi Governorship

Politics in Kenya is going to be extremely interesting and engrossing over the next couple of years.

Take a recent Kumekucha survey done to determine who would win governor of Nairobi if elections were to be held today.

Ferdinand Waititu: The people's governor?

Fiery stone-throwing MP for Embakasi Ferdinand Waititu would win by a landslide and his closest rival would be Evans Kidero. I still can’t bring myself to believe those results!

This is the kind of news that would greatly alarm those who own Nairobi and would like a polished governor to match the status of the most prestigious city in the region and beyond. Indeed people in places like Dar-es-salaam usually talk about going to Nairobi like they were going to London.

Bureaucrats will be equally alarmed at my survey results because the Nairobi governor will have sweeping powers and a colossal budget to boot and so the post would require somebody who has a quick grasp of numbers so that they can make the right decisions for the city in the sun. Honorable Waititu certainly does not fit the bill.

A former chair-hurling councilor at city hall Waititu is wildly popular at the grassroots and even in slum areas that are outside his Embakasi constituency. He says that he got his “degrees” from India (it is a legal requirement that a candidate for governor possesses a university degree from a recognized institution of higher learning). Still he is the kind of brush and uncouth character who has been caught on TV cameras actually assaulting somebody who was “trying to grab my people’s land.” Indeed this is a man whom the ordinary down and out Kenyans living in slums see as one of their own.

But hate him or like him, he will be the candidate to beat for Nairobi governor.

The view of this blogger is that I hate polished pretenders who are responsible for a lot of the problems facing the country today and nobody (not even me) has the right to oppose the choice of the people. The reality is that the votes that will decide the governor of Nairobi are not in the leafy estates of Westlands and Muthaiga but in the filthy slums of Nairobi.

The way things are going the race for Nairobi governor is going to be even more interesting than that for the presidency. I am looking forward to it because there are plenty of political lessons to be learnt by many naïve readers of this blog and other Kenyans.

P.S. Apparently Evans Kidero has been doing his homework in the grass roots because I was shocked when his name showed up as runner up in my survey for governor of Nairobi. There is no doubt that support from PM Raila Odinga has helped his campaign efforts considerably.

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What Is Gema Really Up To?

By Anonymous and Mpesa

I think the problem is that Kumekucha Chris has missed the point in the previous post.

I think the Gema illuminati, more than anyone else, know that those signatures and petitions will not stop a legal process from advancing. Instead, what we should ask ourselves is why the Gema meeting?

You will find that Uhuru has for the past couple of years been pretty much up there in leadership and this concretized sometime last year-so the timing of the Gema meeting to make this announcement is out of sync with happenings. So what might be the value to the Gema illuminati of having held this meeting? I think there are two things. One, to test the extent to which the rest of the country would be rattled by the prospects of a unified Gema. This has succeeded. Two, to bait the "Raila domo domo" group. This has succeeded immensely. There has been a flurry of writings, statements and so on, many of which are incendiary and fit rather well in the category HATE SPEECH. The rest will be history-stay tuned.

I wonder, why are the odomos so slow to pick up nuances?

Mpesa adds...

The International Criminal Court based at The Hague in Netherlands does not recognize tribal groupings like GEMA and KAMATUSA. The Hague bound train left the station long time ago and is unstoppable. Let's assume Uhuru was elected the president of Kenya (which will be a tall order..) do you think other leaders from across the world would even dare shake the hand of someone facing the most heinous crimes known to man? Leaders of the world would rather be dead than pose smiling with someone who could end up being guilty. And that's the message Uhuru got when he tried to cling on Finance docket, "mere" ministers from other countries were ignoring him and that's why he had to quit. And if the Kibaki Administration fails to cooperate with the ICC (which they are planning to do!) then we shall be hit with severe sanctions that will cripple our economy and hurt Kenyans (GEMA included) real bad.

For starters, expect a total ban on flowers being exported to Europe, rendering thousands of poor Kenyans jobless and of course with that crime shoots through the roof. Ditto foreign tourists and this will cause hundreds of hotels to be shut and more job losses. If you think the price of unga and petrol is high, just wait when we are slapped with vikwazos. All these for the sake of Muthamaki (one of the richest men in Africa) who believes he was born to rule? Wake up Kenyans...stop dreaming! Kenya is bigger than anyone of us.

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Will Tribal Numbers Move The ICC?

At least we know one thing for sure now. Contrary to what we were being told in the prayer rallies (cum presidential show of might campaigns) the ICC cases against William Ruto and Uhuru Kenyatta are a very very big deal.

We also know something else for sure now. As things stand, it will not be possible for Uhuru and Ruto to run in the next general elections. Why else would they want the ICC process to be halted until after the general elections?

The latest move by the powerful G7 (which has let the cat out of the bag and confirmed many things that we already knew) is to seek over a million signatures from the house of Mumbi and 3 million from the Kalenjin community petitioning the ICC to apply emergency brakes on court proceedings so that the sons of these two tribes can run for the presidency of the banana republic of Kenya.

But lets not get mixed up here (like they want us to be). Instead let’s identify the true source of all these "acrobatics." Team Uhuru? NOPE!!! Perhaps the Ruto camp? NO WAY!!

Actually it is all coming from the handlers of president Kibaki. And as I have been repeatedly saying here and in my popular raw notes, the president and his handlers will do everything in their power to scuttle the ICC process. And it is not because the president loves Uhuru and Ruto so much despite the fact that he was the one who walked into the maternity hospital where Mama Ngina birthed a son in 1963 and declared "Uhuru tosha kama jina" and that became the name of the youngster born with a silver spoon. 

Forget all that, it is an act of pure self preservation. If the cases against the Ocampo four do not go forward then it means that there is no chance of Mwai Kibaki being picked up after he leaves office to face the music (not Mungithi) at the Hague.

In fact our politics at the moment (and the violence in the country) are all being driven by one thing and one thing alone. Namely the ICC cases at the Hague against four Kenyans, with other suspects to be charged later.

I will end my post today by asking and answering two questions.

Questions:

1. Will the ICC be moved by the millions of signatures that will be collected?

2. Millions of signatures? Is the move to halt the ICC proceedings against the Ocampo 4 that popular amongst ordinary Kenyans?

Answers:

1. NO.

2. Actually a vast majority of Kenyans believe that Uhuru, Ruto and the other two are guilty as charged and would love for the trials to proceed ASAP. So where will the signatures come from then? Hehehehe, signatures are no problem, some smart computer whizz kids are going round selling data bases to political parties of names of Kenyans and their id cards complete with signatures. The very same lists on the very same flash disks will come in handy this time round. And so chances are very high indeed that Kumekuchas signature will be in the list petitioning for the cases to be postponed and so will be yours, upende usipende. This coupled with public signature sessions where you sign infront of the TV cameras and then collect a thousand bob off-camera on your way out will do the trick neatly.  Unajeza na waKenya!!!

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Lords of Impunity, Return of the Royal Tribes

The adage the more things change the more they remain the same won't have been more apt in describing Kenya's political landscape. Well, the phoenix that is ETHNIC groupings is back in full swing with all their divisive and siege mentality to boot.

Gema did its a great job in the 1970/80s to own Kenyatta's presidency. They may have failed in blocking Moi from succeeding Jomo but the embers only hibernated. Now with the imminent retirement of Kibaki, they have smelt blood and the tribal drums are beating at the highest decibels.

Tribal apologists may deny it but Gema latest meeting as Limuru II has reawakened the dread and the vitriol that is proving to be even more vicious. Other hitherto tribals groupings were nothing but cultural organization. But not Gema whose succeeded in singular morphing itself into a quasi state power and economic hegemoth.

How one would wish that the rest is history. Not quite. The wheels have been re-invented and zooming at breakneck speed to secure Kibaki succession. The faint hearted may brand the naked truth as hate speech but will be disabuses of the absurdity when these evil machinations are proved right with time.

Moi's cheap and populists ideas too ban these tribal associations couldn't stand the test of time. It was an open secret his target was to ban Gema while later cobbling Kamatusa to advance the very evil he purported to fight.

We are back to square one. Kibaki learned his ropes during Kenyatta's tribal reign and matured during Moi's ERA. We can only sit back and watch his perfected script alloyed with wisdom spanning close to 50 years.

Last week it was Gema and today it is Kamatusa. The others will follow suit but only one retains its lethal potency to secure its interest at whatever cost. No prizes for guessing. We haven't seen anything yet. Welcome to BATTLE ROYALE 2012/3. NA BADO.

Kibaki Legacy: Manage ICC and Vibrant Gema

Desperate moments call for desperate actions. Those who have been fooled to think of President Kibaki as aloof better have their heads examined. Kibaki has taken his succession head on using Uhuru to manage in in light of ICC while strengthening the G7 political grouping.

Most readers of Kumekucha may have been fortunate enough to witness the sunset days of the late President Jomo Kenyatta. Well, worry no more folks for the script if being copy-pasted right before your eyes. Adjust your seat belts for the bumpy ride ahead.

Then the late(s) Njenga Karume and Kihika Kimani would whip tribal emotions to keep the presidency within the house. But now we have educated and religious zealots in Bishop Emerita Lawi Imathiu and Peter Njenga pounding the tribal drums and manufacturing communal enemies who are out to vanquish and dispossess Gema of their birthright.

Nostalgia galore and Kibaki cannot take chances gambling with his legacy. Make no mistake, Kenya is no Ivory Coast nor Senegal. And very soon the OATHING sessions will be with us once more.

Missionary zeal in the Kibaki Succession
The latest Cabinet reshuffle was a window dressing for the hard political ball ahead. Forget the sissy Moi handing in power in 2002. Uncle Dan was only returning the favour and giving back power to its rightful owners.

The heightened tribal heat boiling the Kibaki succession has just picked the embers from where it was left in the 1970s. We haven't seen anything yet. No prize is big enough as a collateral just ask the late John Michuki.

ICC has set the perfect scene for that final superlative act. No elections this year. Meanwhile plans go into high gear to scatter that imperialist institution hosted in the (Zero) Netherlands. Kenya is not Congo just like one nondescript Thomas Lubanga is no scion Jomo Junior. The gods of the mountains will never let Kibaki enjoy his retirement if he never did anything to save Uhuru's skin.

Granted most Kenyan tribes have their own cultural organizations. But Gema is not one of those cultural merry-go-rounds. It is all about POWER and supremacy, OWNING KENYA. The other tribes must duly acknowledge the fact and thank their stars for being hosted within Kenya's beautiful borders.

Forget the fact that the often repeated mantra that the grass root populace never benefits from the stranglehold by their elite. You only need to look and read from the EXPORTED VILLAGERS whose vitriol is even more acidic than the true village vagabond smoking some alien weed while incoherently mumbling some reggae song.

Cultural merry-go-rounds
The Hague Express may have bolted from the station, but Ocampo and his team will know that Kenya has its owners. The Limuru II conference did a brilliant job in intimidating the rest of Kenya. Following closely was the the reshuffle facade that eased the opinionated Mutula Kilonzo from stalling the counter Hague Express.

Add to that the potent message inherent in sending Kalonzo Musyoka to Sudan to deliver special message to fugitive Omar Al Bashir. It is the height of obtuse naivety to still entertain the thought that Kibaki is sleeping on the job. Not when Gema's heart and soul is at stake.

Damn the Cabinet with their December election date. Kibalki's acrobatic skit on the election date was no happenstance but an act of unrivalled political and tribal calculation. What is more, the most important dockets are in SAFE HANDS, MTA DO?

No Tribalism In Kenyans Slums Plus White Woman With Black Children Saga

By M-Pesa

When was the last time you left your big air conditioned office and ventured deep in the slums of Korogocho, Mathare or Kibera?

Here you will find that most inhabitants are actually Kikuyus and Luos and of course a substantial number from other tribes. These people have intermarried deeply, play, laugh, joke, trade and drink together. They even borrow salt from the neighbour when they run short while cooking. Many young people here actually don't even know the tribes of their mates (and they have no interest in knowing). But come elections and through those dirty politicians and their provocative speeches that incite "kabila adui.." as well as distribution of cash will suddenly cause "tribal clashes."

The truth is that Kenyans are generally peace loving people who just want to be left alone to feed their families- that's all that matters to them. Many Kenyans from various tribes have settled all over the land- from Kambas at the coast to Luhyas and Luos working in the coffee plantations and factories in Thika- to the Mkisii in Kitengela. I think the biggest problem is IMPUNITY where leaders like William "chop off their fingers" Ntimama will incite and get away with it scot free.

I also think ordinary Kenyans can partly be blamed for allowing themselves to be brainwashed. We must ignore these tribal rallies.

Mystery of Faithful White French Woman Who Gave Birth To Black Children

A young French woman living in Australia, and dating an African of South African descent, whom she met while they were college students in Queensland, asks her boyfriend, what ethnic background are you anyway?

The African boyfriend hesitates for a moment before replying, of course I am South African from Transvaal. Can't you see the obvious? And why do you ask after we have been dating for over seven months"

The young French woman replies, I am two and half months pregnant, and I just want to know more about your other side of the family.

The African boyfriend replies, what side? Eeeeh! There is nothing for you to worry about at all. I guarantee there won't be any little nasty surprises for you when the baby arrives.

The young French women remarks, what do you really mean by 'there won't be any little nasty surprises' for me?

Her African boyfriend reassures her by saying, my family's old blood lines are as pure as they have been since the arrival of our forefathers in South Africa during the 17th century.

The rest as they say is history that's very predictable in some critical situations.

The young French mother was deserted by her African boyfriend after giving birth to healthy cute looking twin sons.

What caused the desertion? Well, her African boyfriend accused her of having been unfaithful to him, and even went on to castigate her for having withheld critical information about her allegedly North African (Algerian) ancestry from him, when they first met, and which would have been a vital determinant of any slight chance of his involvement with her.

Unbeknown to her now former African boyfriend, Most Afrikaner families have between 5% and 7% non-white ancestry, such as Khoi African, Indonesian and Indian, as the early Dutch settlement at the Cape allowed inter-racial marriage. 

- Mordechai Tamarkin. Cecil Rhodes and the Cape Afrikaners. 

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Even The Most Diehard Tribalist in Kenya Has Blood That They Hate

I acknowledge that many of the good folks who leave comments in this blog are smarter than I am. And so I will be regularly re-posting some of the best comments from each post I make to highlight the words of wisdom from many commentators here and give them more visibility.

-Chris Kumekucha-

- By Mwarangethe-

Anyone who has spent a few hours reading history will tell you this:

- THERE IS NO PURE TRIBE or RACE.

As a matter of fact, there is no pure Gikuyu/Gema and no pure Mzungu.

People have all kinds of blood in them from past ages. Even the most die hard racist has all of blood he "hates."

As such, to think that, people are tribalists or racist because they have pure blood is not true and is not even the issue.

Even if you wiped all tribes, men would reconstitute these "tribes" under many schemes like:

- religion,

- class,

- color,

- nobles and knights,

- language,

- exclusive clubs,

- secret societies,

- football clubs (AFC v Gor Mahia), Manchester V Arsenal, Celtic v....

- families (House of, v House of ...etc etc.

Men are what they are. They are what they are because, this world is COMPETITION.

This being so, those who ARE WISE, know that, you cannot win alone. As such, you COMBINE with others who share somethings with you, be it in terms of religion (Ireland as an example), language, culture, families, clans, football clubs, etc, to win the competition.

More so, man being what he is, when his NATURAL ASSOCIATIONS like clans, tribes, families are BROKEN by violent means, as happened in Kenya, men will eventually, go back to those NATURAL ASSOCIATIONS whether you like it or not.

In fact, this is exactly what is happening in Kenya right now. The only question is:

- shall we be wise enough to handle the reversion to old associations in a mature manner or,

- we shall be foolish to use force to cement the broken egg?

NB: Have you see what is happening in Mombasa?

In Somalia, when the colonial State broke down into NATURAL ASSOCIATIONS of Somalis (clans), instead of them accepting that fact, and use the FEDERATIVE principle, some of the clans schemed how to put all the clans back into one tyrannical bottle again. The consequence? 20 years of war.

NB: In Libya, it shall also, break up into its ancient states/elements dating to the Roman times. And, if some of them try to put the egg back, there will be violence.

NB: Check Iraq, Congo, Sudan, Yugoslavia, USSR, India etc.

We may even add, check France (Basque), Spain (Catalan), Texas (USA), Canada (Quebec) and even Italy south and North divide.

It may take time, but, the egg will fall apart sooner or later. Things are what they are, or, It is the Nature of Things.

NB: Within these clans, families and tribes, there is also, fierce competition going on.

This being the ESTABLISHED historical evidence since the STONE AGE, the BEST we can do is:

- adopt a FEDERATIVE PRINCIPLE in "uniting" these tribes and stop using force. If some want to leave, let them leave.

For instance, the Kikuyu's alone are more than Danish and Swedish population, so, they can form their state called:

- Mungiki United State of Nyumba Ya Mumbi, if they want.

Finally, Chris, can you tell us this:

- What will a Gikuyu gain by voting a Luo into presidency because, presidency is not a flower girl thing?

These Stupid Luos

If you played God over Kenya for just a single day you would laugh until your poor ribs ached. You would laugh at the sheer stupidity of this cancer called tribalism.

Now as God for just a day, you would be able to read minds and know exactly what people were thinking. You would be able to see exactly how many assassins were at the scene when Tom Mboya was assassinated and solve the mystery of who exactly the bald-headed man who pulled the trigger was. You would no all secrets and be familiar with all skeletons hidden in people's closets.

But the hilarious part would involve this Kikuyu chauvinist very proud of his tribe and who totally believes that the Kikuyu are superior and the only tribe capable of ruling Kenya as they have proved twice already. Hata serikali ya Moi ilisimama na bahati, no other tribe is capable of establishing and maintaining a government and that is just a pure fact, according to our friend.

Now why would a typical Kikuyu tribalist interest God? Patience, my son, patience my daughter. You will discover the hilarious truth in a moment.

As God for 24 hours you will also be able to see all the sins against the Luo community that our bigot Kikuyu extremist has committed over the years. What he did at campus and what he did at Naivasha during the post election violence. You will also see that he has no apologies to make.

Now let us call this guy Njoro (short for Njoroge). The name of his mother is Jemima Wairimu Chege and his father is called John Kamau Ngotho. And so he is pure Kikuyu “superior” blood… or is he?

As God you would be able to see what happened some 30 years ago when a civil servant called Jemima Wairimu Chege was sent out of town on an assignment. There was a seminar in Embu town that she attended. You would also know that she spent the night in Embu where she got rather cozy with a Mr Moses Waga. A tall drop-dead handsome Luo from the office who always wore a suit. He was also a very charming man with the ladies and invited Jemima Wairimu for a drink that evening. Jemima’s life back home with her husband was always so boring. He never took her out for a drink or anything but John Kamau Ngotho was a good provider and responsible husband and that is all that mattered.

Now in your position up there you would be able to see a lot of things as you delve into this critical history. You would for instance be able to realize just how true it is that alcohol tends to affect the legs of woman and the brains of man. It causes a woman’s legs to spread very easily and with abandon (need I say more?). And it causes a man’s brain to shift momentarily from his head to the lower parts of his anatomy. That combination is deadly and it is what led to the conception of a man called Njoro.

As God you would be able to laugh at this silly tribalism thing in small-minded Kenyans because the fact of the matter is that the rabid Kikuyu bigot called Njoro who loves to call Luos stupid is actually a Luo who thinks he is a Kikuyu. His biological father is one Moses Waga from Gem, deep in Luo Nyanza.

So who is he really insulting every time he opens his mouth and calls Luo’s stupid?

Get rid of those tribalism demons mate, even your mother may not be so sure what tribe you really are… so why should tribe matter so much?

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Can You Tell When You Are Being Cheated?

I find it necessary to state a few hard facts before I unleash this extremely sensitive post.

My children whom I love to bits have Kikuyu blood flowing through their veins. In other words I have close Kikuyu relatives.

I analyzed my top 5 best friends last night and they are ALL Kikuyu. Every single one of them. Including a very close female friend.

Although I was born in Kisumu (just because my parents happen to be travelling through and I couldn’t wait to come into this world) I am NOT a LUO. And neither do I support Raila Odinga. I believe he won the 2007 polls as do most political analysts the world over and as do most Kenyans who can analyze the situation through non-tribal lenses.

HOWEVER I DO NOT believe that most Kenyans will vote for Raila this time round. Sadly he has passed his sell-by-date.

On to the subject of this post which is my deep concern about the unfolding political games being played out that will achieve certain selfish objectives and at the same time leave me and you fighting each other in the belief that one of us started it when we are nothing but pawns being used in a chess game that has very little or nothing to do with us.

In the run up to the 2007 general elections President Mwai Kibaki realized that he was extremely unpopular. The 5 years had flown by way too fast for him and yes he had promised he would be a one term president but then political promises are always made to be broken. His advantage was that the Kikuyu people have numbers and if he extended to the other GEMA tribes we are talking millions of votes. All he needed to do, his handlers told him, was to position himself as a victim disliked and hated because of his tribe.

That was the message that went out to our precious Kenyan brothers. That Kenyans led by Raila Odinga and the Luos were against the Kikuyu and the plan was to “finish” the Kikuyu (whatever that means). A vast majority of Kenyans were against the Kibaki administration in 2007 and were keen to vote it out. But during the campaigns politicians in central province told the people that the community was under siege. We all know what happened.

Now fast forward to 2012 and what is the message being packaged and sold to us? It is simply this, that Kikuyus and Kalenjins are under siege. The Luo and other tribes want to finish these two communities by taking them to the ICC at the Hague where they will be found guilty and sent to jail. Reason? To keep them from winning the presidency.

I get amazed when very highly educated Kenyans write emails to me telling me what I have just said a most in as many words. I am being branded an Odinga man assisting him to “finish” the Kikuyu and Kalenjin. Indeed I received just such an email this week after I released my raw notes detailing what Kibaki handlers are doing to ensure that he remains in power into 2014 by stretching legal technicalities well beyond their limits. These emails were coming from Njoroges, Ngiges, Kamaus etc. most of them PhD holders. These same people have forgotten my controversial raw notes released late last year detailing Raila Odinga’s corrupt ways. If the cream of Kenyan society has swallowed the bait hook line and sinker what do you expect the down and out standard 8 drop outs out there in the villages to do? You tell me!!

Are Kenyans really that naïve? Are the Kikuyus and Kalenjins now brothers after the tragedy of 2007? Or is somebody just grouping them together for political gain?

I doubt whether Kenyans will be able to wake up on time to realize what is really happening. I predict that my Kikuyu brothers will read this post and see red. They will identify me as the enemy without reading and grasping what I am really saying here. But am I really the enemy?

Plans are at an advanced stage to turn Kumekucha into a flower selling blog. Or perhaps a blog selling diapers for toddlers will be more fulfilling? What do you guys think? Whatever you tell me do not mention politics in Kenya because I am just about done with that. Politics in our banana republic is a complete waste of time writing about. What is the point?

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Charity Ngilu's Biggest Political Blunder

Talk of strange bed-fellows.

The announcement this week that Mrs Charity Ngilu will be George Saitoti's running mate for the presidency was mostly ignored by the media. And with good reason because this is a ticket headed nowhere.

Ngilu still holds the record as the only serious woman presidential candidate so far and it remains to be seen if Martha Karua can make a bigger impact this time round. And so it is rather strange that "Mama Rainbow" as she was affectionately known to the electorate in 2002 would accept to be the running mate of perhaps one of the most corrupt Kenyans to ever be Vice President.

Just to illustrate how politics has benefited George Kinuthia aka George Saitoti, a friend of mine who used to work at the now defunct Barclays Bank Union Towers branch was shocked when Moi announced a relatively unknown man called George Saitoti as his new vice president. "That is the man whose Kenya shillings 500 cheque bounced" was how he described him. The man who did not have Kshs 500 in his account is today one of the wealthiest Kenyans around and one of the very few capable of financing a presidential campaign on his own. Politics is the "business" that has made the mathematics professor stinking rich. How a man with such a track record would want to be president just beats me. But then even Nicholas Biwott who makes Saitoti look like Mother Teresa in comparison will also be running for the presidency this time round, my sources tell me.

And so why would Ngilu want to damage her favourable political image with the public by working with somebody like Saitoti? It is instructive that although Saitoti has been the minister in charge of internal security, the Kibaki administration preferred the late John Michuki to handle sensitive national security issues irrespective of what docket he was holding. Apparently somebody felt that they could not be entirely sure that Bwana Saitoti would resist taking a bribe when it came to national security matters. That speaks volumes about the character of the man.

Keen political observers are saying that Ngilu is currently going through some serious financial problems and it is possible that the Saitoti project is less about politics and more about repairing finances.

Fascinatingly both these two politicians have been named as possible running mates to Raila Odinga's bid for the presidency this time round. It is one of the reasons why Mudavadi decided to swing into action (read sample issues of my raw notes for FREE)

Still it will be interesting to see these two contrasting politicians campaign together for the presidency for purely entertainment purposes.

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Change is You: Reboot Mind, Shame Old Order

By KK Blogger

Forget the IEBC. The independence for the electoral body starts and ends with the letter I whcih spells its acronym, period. Now that the Ishak-led body have been ORDERED by Kibaki to go for the March elections, poor Raila is left clutching at political straws. Kibaki showed his hand weeks ago and the deceptive respect for courts only offered the best cover. The more things change the more they look mirror images of the previous filth. Kibaki may have started his last term swimming in a stream of blood but he is leaving the throne under his own terms. Poor Raila has been turned inside out once again, ATA DO?

But behind all these dark political clouds lies a silver lining that only Kenyans themselves can ride to their national glory. But will they? The majority of us are very much aware of the fact that all of our political nervous systems, digestive systems, respiratory systems and endocrine systems are all deeply infested with five decades of political cancerous tumours, social filth and other ethnic borne diseases.

And so, what do we do? We always end up playing the same old sickening and dirty political games, while hoping that the next general elections and the one following in the next five years, will bring about some form of much needed relief, overall sanity and overdue treatment for all the political ills that have bedevilled the whole country for the last five dark decades.

Sad to state as it were, that there will never be an appropriate political remedy for the current malignant cancerous modus operandi that has become so common place in every corner of the country and in each household, unless the political cancerous mentality and business as usual terminal modus operandi are surgically removed at the personal, regional and national levels.

There is no way we are going to have a healthy nation, healthy political system, healthy socioeconomic environment and healthy lifestyles while the cancerous cells and their known nationwide political agents are allowed to fester in our midst as they have done in the last five dark decades.

Unfortunately, the next general elections will not resolve our current sickening political, economic and ethnic issues, nor will the choreographed elections save the country from its political cancerous past unless we the people are willing to work twice as hard in order to secure a very clean bill of health.

The choice is not ours, unless we decide to become the agents of real change, and a people who are willing to collectively work hard and bring about a different but better political and socioeconomic climate for our nation, the people and subsequent generations.

Otherwise, we are now faced with two choices, a healthy political lifestyle from August/December of 2013, or an unavoidable cancerous way of life that will soon lead to a consequent political and socioeconomic death of a whole nation for the next two to three decades.

The ball is squarely perched on our court. We either measure us, rise up to the challenge and turn the corner or engage in political business-as-usual and forever keep our peace. No need to complain of the foul smell from the skunk brought in by our lovely pets.

Serious Trouble for Kenya As Late Night Calls Change Election Date To March 4th 2013

The IEBC (Independent Election And Boundaries Commission) has just announced at a Press Conference that the election date for the next general elections will be Monday 4th March 2013.

This means serious trouble for Kenya because the truth is that the principals yesterday agreed on the December 18th 2012 date (as reported here last night) which means that something changed during the night. This is very dangerous for Kenya and means we are back to January 2008 where President Kibaki would agree on something but later be over-ruled by some of his powerful radical advisors.

Insiders reveal that there is a huge possibility that one of the coalition partners, Raila Odinga will pull out of the government which will effectively dissolve it and force an earlier election date. And so you can be sure that we have not heard the last of this.

What worries some analysts is that President Kibaki is displaying the same tendencies of not wanting to leave office that were clearly visible in the run up to to troubled 2007 elections.

Breaking News: Election Date Is 18th December 2012 To Be Announced Tomorrow

Kenyans will go to the polls in historical general elections this year after all. The election date is 18th December 2012, impeccable sources have just informed this blogger. This date is set to be announced by the IEBC tomorrow morning at 11:00 am at the Laico Regency Hotel (formerly Grand Regency) in Nairobi.

This date has been arrived at after a meeting between the principals and the IEBC earlier today where it was agreed that President Kibaki and Prime Minister Raila Odinga will dissolve the coalition government on October 18th 2012 paving the way for general elections 60 days later on 18th December 2012.

But keen political observers are still puzzled as to why President Kibaki has given up his 3 extra months so easily. These observers believe that working overnight and overtime it is possible for the powerful G7 faction that is very close to the president to get this commitment to the IEBC made earlier today rescinded. Although if this happens ODM can still pull out of the coalition and force the December 18th election date.

The election date has caused a lot of anxiety to Kenyans in recent times and if the announcement is made according to plan, this will help ease tensions in the country.

I will update this post with new information shortly after 11:30 AM Saturday 17th March (Kenyan time).

UPDATE

IEBC has just announced that election date will be held on Monday 4th March 2013. This means serious trouble for Kenya because the truth is that the principals agreed on the December 18th date which means that something changed during the night. This is very dangerous for Kenya and means we are back to January 2008 where President Kibaki would agree on something but later be over-ruled by his radical advisors. Insiders reveal that there is a huge possibility that one of the coalition partners, Raila Odinga will pull out of the government which will effectively dissolve it and force an earlier election date. 

Congo's Lubanga Guilty: Bad Signs for Ocampo4

Since inception 10 years ago, The International Criminal Court has served its first verdict today. The ICC has found the Congolese warlord, Thomas Lubanga, guilty of recruiting and using child soldiers between 2002 and 2003.

Lubanga headed a rebel group during an inter-ethnic conflict in a gold-rich region of Democratic Republic of Congo and was accused of crimes against humanity: using children as young as nine as bodyguards, sex slaves and fighters.

The verdict was unanimous among the three judges that Lubanga bore responsibility for the recruitment of child soldiers who had participated actively on the frontline.

So it appears The Hague doesn't take 90 years as premiered in our local movies. Lubanga was arrested in 2005. That paves the way for the local lads to take the centre stage after Lubanga. And the precedent is not very pleasant. Interesting times lie ahead.

No Monopoly of Tough Talk: Raila Breathes Fire

Call it playing hardball or foolish grandstanding. The so-called G7 have been lording it over Kenyans and maybe someone had to stand up to them. But when you set out to bell the cat you are better reminded of the lurking paws.

Raila has come out bare knuckles and confronted his opponents head on. Hitherto lukewarm, the PM has chosen to play hard ball and challenged Uhuru and Ruto to stop their ethnic incitements practiced under the pretence of prayer meetings.

The Uhuru-Ruto axis blundered big time with their poorly crafted Kanu-era like propaganda accusing Britain of scheming to have them arrested by ICC. But their real clincher was meant to rope in President Kibaki by insinuating that the pro-Raila West will have Kibaki handed in to ICC next year once he leaves power.

Well, this is 2012 and those weaned and nurtured in cheap propaganda can only rev in the same vice as they are swept downstream in the resulting embarrassment. But the plot was a typical cheap plot of playing into the ethnic insecurities stoking plastic patriotic embers. We have seen it here and almost everywhere with people chasing phantom imperialist shadows.

That leaked document was such an amateurish venture so mush so that it amounted to a national embarrassment complete with both spelling and grammatical errors. The whole joke must have been typed on an old rusty manual typewriter with no benefit of a basic spellchecker.

Yatta MP Charles Kilonzo may never get enough detergent to cleanse his face left plastered in smelly eggs. The poor MP thought he was hogging the political stage but only succeeded in being a flawless marionette and puppet. Now that both Britain and the NSIS have declared the leak as forgery, the onus is on the relevant offices to met commensurate punishment and deterrent for this blatant abuse of parliament.

Raila is no saint but somebody had to disabuse both Uhuru and Ruto of their bravado and fake invincibility. The gloves are off and the political heat can only get hotter. Game on 2012.

The Truth About Online Degree Courses

Higher education has become critical these days and the whole world seems to be going back to school. One of the reasons for this is probably because the World Wide Web has made it easier for many busy people to make their dreams come true through an online degree course.

You cannot argue with the fact that online degrees are convenient and you are spoilt for choice from some of the leading universities in the world. And what is more the cost is also much more manageable since you do not have to be on campus. And neither do you have to give up your current job.

Little wonder that those running online degree course are making a fortune these days. Naturally where there is so much money flying around, you are bound to find con artists and all kinds of undesirable characters looking to cash in on the situation. Higher education online is no exception.

The saddest thing about fake online degrees is that the person who is most likely to get prosecuted is you and not the shady diploma mills. It is a very serious offense to present a fake university degree and in some cases the poor job hunter may not even be aware that the online degree they possess is fake.

Now some people believe that it is very easy to identify a fake online degree course. This is not true because the con artists are getting cleverer and more sophisticated by the day.

So here are a few tips to help those of you interested in pursuing higher education online.

Look out for imitations of branded universities and colleges and alleged affiliations. Sometimes the names could be very similar and you may not notice the difference. For instance Hamilton University is the fake version of the real prestigious Hamilton College.

You also need to check for small errors like spelling and grammatical mistakes. A university takes a lot of pride in this piece of paper and will never allow such mistakes.

The time in which the degree has been obtained is yet another tell tale sign that all is not well. Real online degree courses will be very demanding and will usually take at the very least two years. When you hear about some fast track degree that will take you six months or less, you have reason to be very worried.

Also check the address. Fake online universities will have addresses that do not exist or will use P.O. boxes only.

It is also interesting that fake online training institutions will usually not have a catalog that contains information on the syllabus, schedules and tuition fees. To be on the safe side always and take the trouble to look for online courses that are accredited to the relevant authorities in that country. For instance the United States department of education certifies only universities that pass the department’s stringent standards. And so if your online university is not accredited you know the reason why.

Having said this there are so many genuine and exciting opportunities being provided by various online degree courses these days which we shall explore here in the days to come.

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Breaking News: Machakos Country Bus Explosions

Multiple explosions at the busy Machakos Country bus station today shortly after 7 pm has left at least 3 dead and scores injured. At least 21 people have been rushed to hospital with various injuries, some of them very serious.

Initial indications are that the explosions may have been caused by hand grenades in what appears to be a terrorist attack. The timing of the explosions shorty after 7 pm seems to have been deliberate to cause the maximum number of casualties as this is usually a very busy time at the terminus with many people getting on buses to travel to various upcountry destinations.

It is not clear how the injured people will receive attention given that the ongoing nurses' strike has crippled normal operations in most public hospitals across the country.

There is still no official report on the incident.

Security experts in the country have over the last couple of months been on a high alert expecting a terrorist attack and it was highly expected that one of the upmarket shopping malls would be targeted by the Al Shabab from neighbouring Somalia who have taken heavy losses in the hands of the Kenya Defence Forces.

We will give more information as we receive it.

No Theatrics, ICC Sends Ocampo4 to Full Trial

They saw it coming only that The Hague is not Kenya best known for legal laundering under serial fake constitutional references. Now that the ICC Appeal Chamber has thrown out the Ocampo4's appeal, the impending full trial wouldn't have come at bad political time.

It appears the gods refused to hear the prayers. But again you only mock God at the risk of incurring his royal wrath. Playing cheap politics may be fashionable locally but it is very expensive exporting that vice abroad.

The Ocampo4 should demand refund from their defence lawyers. Instead on focusing on law, the so-called learned friends joined the gravy train of playing politics with ICC minting strange conspiracy theories.

This ICC alley cat will definitely drag home very unpleasant skunk. Kibaki is not sitting pretty knowing that this time next year he may be a guest in very hostile cubicles far away from Othaya.

Well, we haven't heard nor seen the last head of this ICC hydra. Game on.

What Kibaki Wants To Exploit In Waki List

I can confirm to my dear readers that President Mwai Kibaki has a high level think tank tasked with doing nothing else but making the Hague go away for the president. Their latest scheming is what led to the bizarre incident yesterday where a group of youth gained instant access to the president and wide media coverage firing salvos at the ICC.

Judge Philip Waki secrets: The man has booked his place in history books.

These are the kind of political games invented by one Thomas Joseph Mboya, ironically the man who drove and old VW Beetle all the way to Makerere University to fetch highly educated Mwai Kibaki to help change the image of Kanu and bolster its’ intellectual credentials. Mboya was a master schemer and when he operated there were frequent petitions from the public that would always support his position and intentions. But alas that is a story for another day.

The point here is that it is crystal clear that these youth who appeared from nowhere are not the ones who came up with the idea to go and see the president. The idea in fact came from deep inside State house. If you think it is easy to see the president or get an opportunity to present a petition, then just try it out and you will quickly see what I mean. Even visiting Senator Barrack Obama was unable to see Kibaki, even for a few minutes. Incidentally when that happened nobody in Kenya believed that that Ka-senator jaruo would ever become president of the most powerful nation in the world. Now Kibaki has a big problem getting n appointment to see President Obama and quite rightly so. (I will tell that story in my next post)

So what was the whole purpose of yesterday’s drama at the president’s office in Harambee house? What is in the Waki report that the president’s men want to exploit?

The whole idea is to cash in on a very powerful emotion that politicians always take advantage of. It is called sympathy. Sympathy has won landslide elections all over the world and there is no telling what this thing can acheieve.

Tucked away in the Waki list are two names that will hit Kenyans so hard that many will change their views on this whole Hague thing. Those two names are….. (Drums rolling please)

Njenga Karume

John Njoroge Michuki

What!!!!

Yep.

You get my drift. It is quite possible that this will start a major push from Kenyans (who worship dead people and fear them more than they fear almighty God himself) to insist that the post election violence be tried in Kenya. More importantly if this grand plot succeeds then it will mean that President Kibaki is off the hook and will not soon join his good friend Al Bashir on the suspects’ list.

Expect the Waki list to be made public very soon.

Wonders never cease.

Why Kibaki is the main target of the ICC

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