Uhuru’s Star Performer with Majimbo Budget

Uhuru’s delivery of his debut budget speech was marvelous. Short on jargon and long on freebies to everybody from alcohol to mitumba dealers. And his fellow MPs aptly rewarded him with thunderous applause. Jomo Junior’s delivery was superb and betrayed the hitherto so-called professions before him.

But there ends the party. Those old enough to have had their ears assaulted before with tough empty talk by Kenyan politicians know better. With all eyes on 2012, UK knew even better. With his populist constituency conditional stimulus plan, he hoped to bag allies in advance, delivery notwithstanding.

The majimbo budget was cleverly crafted to soothe national egos. Nyachae played to a full gallery before with his austerity measures that never took flight from his lips.

All the talk about localized package to pay for construction of roads, building fresh produce markets and fishponds and also enable a number of Kenyans living in far-flung areas access quality education is sweet music. Experience will drain you on any trace of optimism in walking the talk. Not being an alarmist nor a doomsayer but reality is never pleasant.

Colourful mirage
With no institutional reforms, all the good promises will only be selfishly implemented to serve partisan interests. Ask any government insider and s/he tell you that the so-called freeze on civil service recruitment only exists on paper. Finance and Education ministries are constantly hiring the RIGHT people. No prizes for guessing the fate of Sh1.3 billion set aside for teacher recruitment albeit with some token exceptions to create a false impression of objectivity.

All the buzz about devolved budget is great. But don’t be fooled. With no firm institutions to monitor implementation, the smart looters are simply creating disguised avenues to milk us dry. The fine print will lead you to modernized faceless Anglo Leasing-like schemes.

So UK scored highly on delivery. But only the mentally timid can start ululating hoping for commensurate action. Well, mirages keep caravans hopeful amidst sand dunes and scorching heat.

For those in search of evangelist missions, it never hurts to occasionally have your ego boosted oblivious of the painful disappointment thereafter. Welcome to Kenyan political theatre of scoundrels.

Ringera Best Person for Demanding KACC Post

He has the INSTITUTIONAL MEMORY demanded of an infant anti-corruption authority like KACC. He knows the shadowy Anglo Leasing ghosts inside out. He waxes Shakespearean like no Kenyan justice. And above all else he acts and thinks in the right first language.

Why would you give 2.5m monthly salary to a novice who will get overwhelmed with such a wage? Not even the most active president Kibaki can handle that much money.



Justice Rignera has no equal in Kenya’s judicial circles. In one fell swoop, the dragon slayer chopped the limbs of all legal scoundrels with his radical surgery.

Only Ringera with his unique hindsight correctly read the hitherto infant official mood in advance. Ahead of his time and before other Kenyans, he helped weed out unpleasant judicial faces. Hail Aaron.

Ringera is incorruptible thanks to his unique pay cheque. he has not betrayed his principal briefs in any way. And who else would have the guts and temerity to demand more powers to prosecute fraudsters?

Right tongue
Kenyans must learn to give credit where due. Ringera saved us international embarrassment by defending our sovereignty when one John Githogo took his phantom plays to the global gallery.

Ringera is a proven true patriot who sings no partisan tune. he deserves a second stint at the helm of KACC to complete the reign of banishing Anglo Leasing ghosts lest. Any other nosy choice will only succeed in flinging the loaded cupboard wide open. Please re-appoint Ringera and let the worms rot inside the drawers.

Omar Bongo Dead: End of Reign of Dinosaurs

These dinosaurs treat their countries like personal property. They consider themselves deities and woe unto those who dare challenge them.

We ordinary mortals owe plenty of gratitude to heart attack as liberally dispensed by Mother Nature. The attacks are not only MASSIVE, but so faithful they comprehensively accomplish the task which no money nor power can buy. The scoundrels may fraudulently escape tax for now but not the equalizer and only constant, DEATH.

President of Gabon Omar Bongo was not only Africa's longest serving leader but also the SHORTEST in stature. His diminished height may have been a source of personal and emotional insecurity hence the brutality meted on his perceived opponents.

With typical African BIG MAN mentality, Gabon’s PM denied Bongo’s death in Spain as earlier reported from there. But you cannot cheat death and he has eventually faced the truth by making the sad news. What is more, Bongo lost his latest wife (daughter of Congo Brazzaville President Dennis Sasso Ngueso) just two months ago.



Next customer please
Make no mistake, Gabon is not out of the woods yet. Ali-Ben (Bongo Junior) is the heir designate and as the present Defence minister he already has his fingers on the levers of power. Add that to the fact that his sister Pascaline (ex-FM) was the father’s chief of staff and you get a true African dynasty.

Gabon is an oil rich country with only 1.4m people making it officially one of Africa’s richest countries, but is it? No prize for guessing.

Mother Nature should expedite dishing the favour from Cairo to Harare and all the ROT SPOTS in between. That would free Africa from these dinosaurs who suffocate their people with unbridled IMPUNITY. Next customer please!

Take the Kids Home First, Dammit

I had a beautiful ride to Karen the other day.

When you are new in a city as expansive as Nairobi, sometimes you learn a few things the hard way. A friend asked me to visit her in the Karen area. Well, since we hadn't seen each other for long I said I'd be glad to. She asked me if I knew how to get to that side of town and I said Of course I did. But since I wasn't sure I could drive there, I decided I'd catch a Number 24.

That was a mistake.

Turns out Number 24 goes out on a major excursion. When I told one of those dudes who hangs at the door as the bus cruises along where I would get off, he looked at me strangely, then asked, "Why did you take a 24?"

"Won't it take me to Karen?" I asked.

"Yes, but you should have gone through Langata."

Deng!

So I was in for a longer ride than I planned. And it didn't help that just fifteen minutes into the ride my friend started calling...wondering why it was taking so long. "Is it the rains?" she demanded.

I said, "Nope."

"Then what's the matter?"

The matter was...I was in the wrong bus, but being there made me see something that completely messed up the rest of my evening. As our bus came to a stop at one of those places where they empty folks and fill up, I saw a bevvy of excited school kids ready to jump in and head home. And by then it had started drizzling. I looked into the bus and could tell that there wasn't enough room for all of them. Was I going to have to get out of the bus to let in two more?

Man, imagine my surprise when the bus stopped, let out two passengers, then started off without the kids. Not a single one. Instead of the kids, the dude who hangs at the door allowed in two women and a hefty man! To my further dismay, nobody in the bus seemed to mind this sorry picture.

I rushed to the dude who hangs at the door and asked him to stop the bus. "The kids," I said.

"Wachana nao."

Leave the kids?

I couldn't take this. I told him to let four kids in and I'd pay the adult rate for them. To my sweet surprise, other parents in the bus took a child each and before long our bus was filled with happy children heading home to their parents and to do their homework.

In spite of the touching ending of that drama, I was left with many questions on my mind. How can it be that we would let parents ride home ahead of their children? I understand the right of the matatus to maximize profits, but are those profits worth our telling the young, helpless Kenyans that we don't give a damn about them? Can we treat the kids like they don't matter and still wonder why they turn out so angry and disillusioned in this society?

Someone needs to act, to work out a policy that forces the matatus to take the children home ahead of their parents. Until then, my fellow Kenyans, if you are in a matatu and a child is about to be left behind because he/she won't pay as an adult, step in and pay for that child.

Take the kids home first, dammit!

Of Poisoned Pyramid Wealth and Drug Money

Our mad rush to join the wealthy class has crashed head on with core values of humanity. The rich are using their corruptly acquired wealth even to impoverish more Kenyans. A look at victims of the pyramid schemes will disabuse you of the imagination that only the less-informed and villagers are vulnerable.

Despite the inviting hooks to destitution, you will find it damn difficult to stop a middle class Kenyan flashing his/her her Sacco loan into the drain of these pata potea schemes. The bait is often so sweet after few pioneers are handsomely rewarded with interests generated from new members. No wonder our televangelists are doing so well in this industry.

Before you know it the pyramid is speedily inverted and saturation at the base leaves it with only one option, crumbling down. You cannot fault Kenyans for their penchant to make a killing with any prey in sight.

The problem is that the prey is often deadly poisonous leaving trail of corpses from those who rush to sample its juicy steak. Just ask Equity bank investors who are yet to get they refunds after the artificially-engineered over subscription. But that is a story for another day.

Enter the PAINFUL tale of numerous young Kenyan women having a date with the hangman in China. These enterprising Dubai-bound businesswomen are now pleading innocent when the bubble bust in their faces together with their plastic fortunes. They must have known the high risk that comes with their REAL BUSINESS.

Hawking fake sympathy
After numerous trips abroad, it smacks of shameless naivety to claim that you were caught with heroin while innocently helping a business associate carry a bag. Leaves you wondering what would they say and tick when checking online whether they packed their own bags. But again we are Kenyans who are synonymous with obtuse vices that define genesis of our prosperity - the end justifies the means.

There is no substitute for honesty. The aura of FRAUD thriving among us will only succeed in extinguishing any trace of credibility hitherto associated with Kenya. HELL FOR LEATHER appears to be our motto. Woe unto you who fail to smell the opportunity miles away. A smart Kenyan will stealthily grab it leaving you wallowing in poverty.

Prosperity built on vice or its derivatives is unsustainable. It maybe human to sympathize with these mothers languishing in Chinese jails. But aware of their original sin in drug pushing and the zombies their heinous actions manufacture amongst us, you cannot be sure to hawk a fake sympathy.

What a sense of déjà vu seeing the MOST SUCCESSFUL only turn to recognize and appreciate the collective value of their less industrious peers when the chips are down and out. Damn values for they bring no food to the Kenyan table.

Perils of Propping Partisan Police Force

If Major Hussein Ali ever thought he is the overall boss then he better stop living the lie and smell the coffee. Ali must be aware that AP Commandant Kinuthia Mbugua is an authority unto himself answerable to those calling shots.

Forget all those glossy proposals by Ali to modernize Kenya’s police force. Retired Judge Philip Ransley’s task force, just like the myriad commissions before him, is nothing but a stop-gap measure meant to fool Kenyans of an apparent motion with no intended movement.

Any member of the disciplined forces would readily tell you that Kinuthia’s contradiction of his boss Ali amounts to gross insubordination. But who cares, Kinuthia is on the right side of power. He knows Ali would never dare question him lest the police boss wants to kiss his post goodbye.

True Kinuthia said AP operations are crucial to security in every corner of the country. But wait a minute, between the regular police and AP who is better trained to cope with complex security challenges outside raiding changaa dens? No prizes for guessing because it is all politics, period.

Political errands
APs are symptoms of acute dearth of any progressive post-colonial reforms. They are relics of colonialism that the black boss inherited from the departing white boss with the exclusive purpose to subjugate his own people. No wonder the villagers aptly call them TP for TRIBAL POLICE.

Kinuthia Mbugua must have thought of himself being very intellectual in proposing more autonomous police divisions including border police. Nothing could be further from the truth in his quest to propose parallel command lines that will leave him more powerful at the expense of the wider good.

The world over, a country’s police force must have a central command with different specialized divisions answerable to one authority. But not in Kenya where modernization acquires a whole new meaning exclusively designed to serve parochial interests.

Just look back to 2007 and see how our APs are perfect vehicles to run political errands.

Tribal police
Only within our deceptive shores do you find such skewed logic spewed to package division as source of strength. All those grandstanding about merger of competing police units to foster effective service delivery are just clever tricks to keep us engaged as the looters scheme on their next prey at our expense.

Kenya’s gatekeepers will not allow tranaformatio of the police with commensurate power to operate independently. Doing that will deny the power to unleash official militia to further their narrow political agenda.

We have been warned of Armageddon come 2012 by both Judges Kriegler and Waki should there be no comprehensive reforms before then. Well, it is just about 1000 days to go. OLE WETU.

Constipation from Five-Course Humble Pie

You can fool Kenyans sometimes but not the world all the times, Bob Marley could have as well sung. Saitoti must be still smarting from an exclusive five-course sumptuous meal of humble pie.

What a colourful and dramatic overnight climbdown? The local bravado from the ruling class melted in Geneva and all the hitherto brickbats at Prof Alston speedily transformed into accolades. Last weak Prof Saitoti derided Alston as a shame to the title professor and not worth the reference and at Geneva he hailed Alston’s recommendations as CONSTRUCTIVE and USEFUL.

Patriots had egged Saitoti and Mutula to call Prof Alston bluff in defense of our so-called sovereignty. To them damn all the global village buzz, we are independent and capable of butchering our own. Well, not quite as the world will not sit back to see us self-destruct. Forget all the balderdash about two wrongs making a right ala Iraq and Pakistan.

Exotic lies
Living beautiful lies only succeeds in eternal embarrassment. Without the international community we would be having no country to pride ourselves with. We lost all the moral fibre after bastardizing a people’s democracy in 2007. Continuing to live in denial will only expand the circumference of your ego, period.

Make no mistake, militias must be stopped dead on their tracks. Mungiki's barbaric beheadings is as unacceptable as officially sanctioned police brutality and extra-judicial slayings. You cannot use Mungiki to fool the world in covering state sponsored anarchy. Rule of law is what separates from inhabitants of the jungle.

What an obtuse scale of embarrassment to have factions of the same government export their division abroad? Until the scoundrels come to terms with the naked fact that it is NOT-BUSINESS-AS-USUAL, we continue the bumpy circular rise into oblivion.

Damn consultation
We are so divided and at war with each other so much so that even a foreigner like Prof Alston refers to the fissures between the coalition partners so casually. But expect smart Kenyans to rationalize any rot thrown at them. We baptize impunity with all exotic names but the monster remains just that IMPUNITY as it mutates to claim us all.

Well, the paper patriots can threaten fire and brimstone of all shapes and colour. But Saitoti must have seen it coming in his climb down. The hitherto bravado and attack on the messenger while glossing over the message would have left his face neatly pasted with eggs.

Cheap Pride: Sh.1m a Minute Defending Kenya

Plastic patriotism and sovereignty must be our most expensive commodity in Kenya right now. Otherwise we would not be sending a fractious delegation of 30 joy riders who will only address the UN council on human rights in Geneva for only 5 minutes.

And the bill, well, Kenyans have no qualms coughing out 5m to pamper 5 hard working ministers with a busload of busybodies. Why not show the UN that we value our murderous ways and tell them to lay off our own festival of flesh and blood. If anything the police only killed Kenyans and no foreigners.

Our sovereignty is priceless and we will do anything ORTHODOX or otherwise to defend it. Prof Alston can wax legal with his Congo and Cuba reports but he must be told off by our own smiling but superlative legal minds.

Two wrongs only need a Kenyan mirror to make an obtuse right. Alston must hunt down Bush and Rumsfeld for desecrating Iraq before he turns his evil eye on peaceful Kenya. Woe unto you who derides cheap options that fly like blaming the messenger while conveniently glossing over the message.

Moral authority
Let Prof Kiarie Kunuthia show Alston what a real PhD means. Yes, the policemen killed on his watch but that was Kenyan blood they shed which is none of Alston’s business. Rule of the law is only quoted among the weak-hearted not progressive and industrious nations like Kenya.

We must rally behind our leaders in defending our national integrity and identity. Only scoundrels mouth platitudes laden with in patriotism. The 2007 elections may have been flawed but we retain an overflowing moral authority to defend Kenya.

Add that the unique maturity to sort our parallel government positions in Geneva and you get a picture of a country overwhelmed with patriotism and objectivity. Nani kama sisi? HAKUNA.

Mutula, Tell Those Hypocrites We Can Handle Our Affairs

Mutula, Saitoti and Wako are off to an important meeting. Those three guys are going out there to defend the Kenyan government against accusations of orchestrated police brutality, bordering on heninous acts like extra-judicial killings and other acts so despicable they've warranted the intervention of the international community.

As the three gentlemen go out there, I've been stunned by the discord displayed by the government regarding Professor Helston's report. It is true that the ODM should have been consulted over this matter so that a coordinated and agreed upon response be formulated. I however think it was wrong for the ODM to come out and essentially walk away from what initial response of the government. There must be matters that we can handle differently, especially where we deal with hypocritical entities like the Western watchdog institutions.

Before anybody accuses me of condoning the mass killings that went on in Kenya and the troubling extra-judicial killings that may still be going on, let me say that I deplore any acts that are not in comformity with the laws of our land. What I can't stand is the hypocricy of an international community that will let a man like George Bush go free after killing thousands of Iraqis and flaggrantly trampling on international law to attack another state while calling on Kibaki to defend himself. Why is Kenya called to account and not the United States?

And wasn't it just recently that they arrested Ms. Kabuye, the aide to President Kagame, accusing her of involvement in the unfortunate acts that sparked the killings in Rwanda? Tell me again why they would want to come after this lady and not Donald Rumsfeld and the bunch of Neo-cons in the U.S. who thought out and sanctioned the war that has left the Middle East in flames. What is the difference.

Look, Kenya is a sovereign state that can hadnle its affairs just fine. This crap about Kenya walking on the brink of collapse and becoming a failed state is rubbish. Our democratic institutions are alive even though they need to be streamlined and made to work in a more efficient manner. What we need to do is make the Judiciary, Parliament and the Press function in a manner reflective of the existance of a vibrant free-market democracy.

We will do it.

So, Bwana Mutula, go look those hypocrites in the eye and tell them to go to hell. But you may want to know that when you come back home we will demand answers from you, Saitoti and Wako over what reallly happened? We will want to know who instituted the silent policy of killings within the police force and how many Kenyans have lost their lives in such a fashion. In the end, we will demand that the chief of police and all those who knew about this matter but kept quiet be held accountable...here in Kenya.

For now, show those hypocrites what we are made of, will you?

God bless Kenya!

Celebrating Madaraka Without Mamlaka

Another Madaraka day is here with us folks. Predictably Kenyans will be reminded they have been independent for 46 years albeit on paper without commensurate POWER and RESPONSIBILITY. It was 46 years ago and remains so today that Madarak was an event that merely replaced white colonialists with an indigenous brute albeit black.

All the fossilized leadership has to parade during the ceremony is nothing but nostalgia galore. Look around you and all you see is a painful dearth of any home-grown tangible contribution to define and distinguish Kenya from any institutions inherited from the colonialists.

These past and present scoundrels only sought power for its raw sake. And they are busy perpetuating its divisive traits over a smoldering Kenya. The many Kenyans disenchanted with the status quo and who are brave enough to shout will be promptly locked up, thanks to the suffocating colonial legal relics of yore which are being cleverly guarded.

Inverted priorities
The present leadership thrives on parallel truths that they shamelessly package as truth. Today’s celebration offers them yet another opportunity to gloat over their strangulation prowess over us. Forget basic priorities like security and settling the IDPs but expect superlative enumeration of phantom progress that only resides within the circumference of their fraudulent heads.

What is more, topology associate professor Kiarie has gone further and called Prof Philip Alston bluff and reminded him he is not worth the lofty title. Reason, poor Alston dared question the rogue policemen who went on extra-judicial killings spree on Saitoti’s watch.

We collectively hate the ugly face of truth, don’t we? Just ask new political boy on the judicial block, one Mutula Kilonzo. We may choose to conveniently repeat all the lies to ourselves till the lips crack, but the world and Geneva knows better that we are only expanding our egos.

Prof Alston touched raw nerves and our own smiling Wako is ready to defend himself. Meanwhile police boss Ali has offered to donate the Kenyan standards of investigation reminding him that one month isn’t enough to probe even chicken theft. The phrase verifiable facts can be reflected on Kenyan mirror to give a very different meaning.

Happy Madaraka day wherever you are folks.

Mocking God: Preying on Kenya's Insecurities

We have taken spiritual matters to another level. The so-called Kenya’s National Breakfast Prayers has been turned into another annual ritual to mock God. And God will surely and promptly pay us the dues.

The cheap gimmick of hosting Kagame must be banished for what it is. It is the same hosts who are busy watering the seeds of ethnic hatred and chauvinism while shamelessly pretending to offer empty sermons against the same.

The more things change the more they remain the same. We are stuck with the same old political script abbeit executed by different faces. Kagame’s presence at the BIG BREAKFAST reminds you of Moi’s cheap shot of airing footage of Rwanda’s genocide pictures to warn Kenyans against multipartism.

In one breathe we are shedding crocodile tears appealing for God’s guidance to reclaim what we trashed ourselves and with the other we are having police annihilate Kenyans in their thousands.

And what do we do when reprimanded by one Prof Alston?

Graduated deceit
Well, we have no shame in addressing sideshows by condemning the messenger while conveniently scuttling the bloody message. So what if Prof Alston exceeded his mandate? Splitting hairs is an art perfected by scoundrels.

Trust Wako’s toxic smile to come in handy in his plastic defense of extra judicial killing during his watch. Forget about the basic tenets of conflict of interest owing to the fact that he is among the key people accused of complicity in the massacres.

Waxing plastically patriotic and mouthing all those sovereignty balderdash won’t wash. We are our own enemies and now we have even graduated with the temerity to MOCK GOD. Ole wetu.

Smiling Wako: Face and Lips of Retarded Kenya

He is the wearer of that poisonous smile. Wait a minute, his must be a case of mistaking short lips and long teeth for a permanent grin. Amos Wako is one lawyer who epitomizes everything rotten about Kenya. Perfecting typical Kenyan deception, Wako crafted an impressive CV abroad in the UN circles as a champion of human rights. Well back home, the less said about the longest serving Kenya’s AG the better.

Now Wako has granted fraudulent MPs a lifeline to wax sensitive and patriotic by refusing pay hike for so-called constitutional office bearers. The whole charade leaves you wondering whether anybody holding office unconstitutionally should not be arrested. But again this is Kenya where anything goes.

All that facade about generous pay for constitutional office holders to stop them from corruption temptation is one kite that cannot take flight no matter the intensity of the wind. Look no further, just ask one Aaron Ringera to justify his pay check besides the penchant to serially quote Shakespearean.

In seeking obscene pay rise for judicial officials, Wako has unwittingly handed the scoundrels masquerading as leaders the plastic moral torch which they have seized with glee as a convenient cover for their hitherto selfishness.

Wako is the singular face that captures everything wrong with Kenya. He waxes lyrical and legalistic all loaded with no sensitivity nor relevance to the Kenyan people. And the gatekeepers know him better in partnering with him to defraud us more drawing from his vast expertise in LEGAL FLEECING.

No enemy can be ever as devastating as him who operates from within armed with all the experience to cheat any right cause. It must be the curse of a fake smile.

Buying 2012 Elections in Advance

No, Come on Not Uhuru Again

It appears the Mars group wont give DPM Uhuru any breathing space. Just when the Finance Minister thought he had buried the Supplementary TOP UP skunk, Mwalimu Mati has jumped to his neck faulting him for sleeping on the job as the octogenarian Treasury mandarins robs Kenya.

In typical Kenyan style, Mati must be up to some grandiose political mischief. Somebody is providing the noose to Mati and he is all glee in belling the cat. Make no mistake, UK is no novice if the coordinated kicks from his trusted sidekicks are any indication.

You see the DPM is a shining star attracting every shade of political moth. His political opponents will use all nasty arsenals to frustrate him. But Jomo Junior is a true ROYAL in the right company and all such nefarious schemes can't last the course.

Jomo Junior
Morality and credibility are like virginity. You lose them once and no amount of re-invention can help you reclaim either of them. Mars group dutifully called Uhuru bluff and he arrogantly goofed with his initial defence only to kiss the blade with yesteryear’s computer error excuse.

The Mars group have already done their part and saved Kenyan taxpayers a lot. But can they strike it hot and hard again? Your guess is as good as mine, OBTUSE CONTEMPT laced in IMPUNITY oozes from every orifice of body Kenya.

It's Just Two Minutes to Midnight in Nairobi

I've read accounts of a doomsday clock in the Oval Office, Washington D.C. According to those unverified accounts, that clock is actually on the floor and can only been seen by those who are keen to detail. In Dan Brown's political thriller, Deception Point, the clock is supposed to be carefully interwoven in the fabric of the sprawling carpet that gives that office the look and feel of the most important office in the world.

But I'm not here to tell you about the Oval Office clock. What I want to tell you is that there is another doomsday clock ticking in Nairobi as we speak. Everywhere I look, I see storm clouds gathering. The minute hand of our own doomsday clock stands at just two minutes to midnight. And the seconds are ticking incessantly. Is anybody else alarmed by what we see around us?

MUSEVENI:

I can't remember another time when Uganda so bodly challenged Kenya's territorial integrity. And I can't recall a time when our President let that landlocked neighbour behave as if it was the regional superpower. How can it be that our Commander-in-chief will let the pride of Kenya be sullied in the mad this long? Don't we have generals who can stand up and tell the Commander-in-chief enough is enough? I miss Mulinge and Opande, man!

KIKWETE:

And now suddenly we have Jakaya Kikwete feeling like he can go to the United States and discuss Kenya. What the hell does that Tanzanian know about Kenya? The fact that Bush sent him here with a stern message for our leaders a year ago does not make him some maharishi on matters Kenyan. If he doesen't think it funny for our leader to discuss his nation anywehere at its midnight hour, he should desist from discussing Kenya at our midnight hour. We are and will always be lightyears ahead of TZ.

OBAMA:

Then there is Obama. The man is not coming to Kenya. I've heard many people castigate Kibaki and Odinga, folks saying that our nation is in turmoil so Obama couldn't visit. Crap. Here is what I say...if he is the kind of a guy who would only visit us because everything was okay, let him stay the hell away. Like his nation that is grappling with racism, classism and periodically the madness of the Bush type, our nation will have issues it grapples with from time to time. Does it mean when we face those issues we should be shunned?

I feel that Barack Obama, by shunning Kenya, has missed a golden opportunity to stand in the middle of Nairobi and proclaim his wishes for Kenya right in the face of Kibaki and Odinga. It would have been a powerful symbol that this son of Kogelo would come here and make it known that he is solidly for reforms. To send some dude called Johnny Carson...and an ambassador who is partly responsoble for the mess we are in makes me sick to my stomach. And may Obama be told that we will have no use for him should he come here after his presidency is over.

KENYANS:

As a nation, I feel the right response to the foreign challenges we face must be to rally around His Excellency President Mwai Kibaki and the Rt Honourable Prime Minister Raila Odinga. As fervently as I disagree with Kibaki on just about everything, when the nation is under siege on multiple fronts, we must rally solidly behind him. We must all stand ready to follow his directives whenever he feels Uganda must be taken head on, and Tanzania must be calmed down, and Obama must be told we can handle our affairs...even when the process looks chaotic sometimes.

Fellow Kenyans, we may have our family fights that sometimes manifest themselves in the form of raw tribalism and other isms, but at the end of the day we will always be Kenyans. One big family. Let's not let our family feuds weaken us to the point where dependent nations like Uganda and Tanzania begin to feel they have a leg on our throat. We must always work hard to remain the regional superpower.

So at just two minutes to midnight, let's give our President and Prime Minister the support they need to confront the nation's foreign issues. It's that kind of a time when we must stand bega kwa bega, as Phil would say, and proclaim to the world that we are Kenya...and we stand ready to move our nation forward.

Those trying to mess with us...be warned.

God bless Kenya!

Tanzania’s Last and Longest Laugh Over Kenya

Tanzania’s President Jakaya Kiwete met President Obama last Thursday. Their discussion focused on East Africa’s regional security and anti-terrorism.

So we still brag being the biggest and most developed economy in Eastern Africa? Well, that brinkmanship and bravado will soon be so hollow just as our penchant to brand primitive wealth accumulation as industry.

Look no further than Tanzania. We may be more English than them but not when it comes to values. And the world has taken notice. Forget about the balderdash of going east.

President Kikwete may have relinquished AU's chairmanship to one Leader Gaddafi in January. But he remains the new regional anchorman and he has earned his mantle. You remember Bush sent him with NO-BUSINESS-AS-USUAL and the scoundrels were left with no choice but to listen.

Wetangula must demand apology from Kikwete after the Tanzanian President discussed Kenya with Obama. For the records, Kikwete has held regional brief for Kenya more than twice in less than four years.

The global village knows our deceptive ways inside out. No amount of proxy diplomacy by Kalonzo will wash. Waxing plastically patriotic cannot fool the world about our national vices. Instead we only fool ourselves by seeking Kikwete’s indulgence just as Kalonzo did early last year when embers of the inferno were sky high.

Bastardizing democracy
Obama’s choice of Ghana as his first African destination is neither accident nor coincidence. True he may trace his roots here in Kenya, but Obama is too smart to fall for our gimmicks lest he leaves our borders reeking DECEIT by association with our plethora of vices.

It is cheap escapism to mount Mutua-like defence that we don’t need nods from outsiders. We are best known for living serial lies and in study fortress of denial.
As Dagi Kimani aptly puts it the greatest and most costly lie to yourself is the belief that your ethnic community is more hardworking and more honest than the others. If that were so, how come you as person and your community chopping heads for money?

Make no mistake, Kenya’s present gatekeepers won’t barge in their stranglehold to keep Kenyans hostage. Even the murderous social upheavals like Mungiki will not make them reflect on their selfish schemes to bleed Kenya till her last drop.

Meanwhile the hitherto derided neighbour next door is laughing all the way to the bank as the world seeks her hand in efforts to mend broken Kenya. And before we know it we will be eating from the hands all the LESS-SOPHISTICATED Tanzanians thanks to our national twin vices of DECEPTION and FRAUD.

The ultimate prize of bastardizing a people’s democracy is incalculable.

Kalonzo Blasts Mungiki's Foreign Sponsors

Mungiki and its murderous modus operandi is in no hurry to leave Kenyans lips. Nut just as everybody was wondering and scheming to annihilate the soul of this mutating hydra, VP Kalonzo has BRAVELY called its sponsors from outside Central province bluff. And you cannot argue with the man of God, he must know better given his privileged access to classified information.

Kalonzo has ashamed the shadowy sponsors of Mungiki whom even Central MPs dared not mention. His is true leadership by example and from the front. He was honest enough and dared look at the savages in the face in TELLING THE TRUTH. In one fell swoop, HE the VP cut off the chain of lies and provided LEADERSHIP where none existed.

With this selfless act, Kalonzo has mounted a higher moral ground by reminding Kenyans who their true enemies are. Thanks to him, we must refuse to sink any lower. Kalonzo has used his office to tell nothing but the truth.

Come to think of it, Kalonzo’s infinite wisdom has opened our eyes to the fact that Mungiki’s nocturnal wave of beheadings can only occur with overt and covert outside sponsorship. It defeats any trace of fertile imagination how an industrious people can all over sudden turn into savages by mauling their won.

Brave, holy leader
The evil outsiders plotting to destabilize Central Kenya have been exposed and they must REPENT now. It had to take the courage and honour such as the VP to dissect and disabuse Kenyans of the fallacy that Mungiki menace is a regional problem. Mungiki is a national problem albeit incubating and hatching locally.

We must now all support the visionary VP in his efforts to clear Kenya of all forces of evil like Mungiki. We must all embrace Mungiki’s SOCIAL and COMMERCIAL entrepreneurial skills that will speedily transform and industrialize our economy before 2030.

Behind Mungiki’s uncompromising code of discipline lies our national success. And we owe it to the VP for his non-partisan and holly intervention to save us from ourselves.

Tribalism II: Perils of Living in Collective Denial

By M-Pesa

Tribalism remains the most emotive subject in any discussion in this blog. But we fail terribly to understand how devastating this cancer it by shamelessly denying its existence. Even worse still we rationalize tribal acts with some cheap red herrings that only succeed in propping the hydra as it mutates.

The truth is tribalism seeds were planted by one Jomo Kenyatta, cultivated by the fake professor of politics Arap Moi and being harvested by Emilio Mwai wa Kibaki who has appointed his fellow tribesmen in the Finance ministry from Uhuru to the janitor.

So you think I'm kidding? Just look at the Treasury, KRA, State House, Ministry of Interior, parastatals like KBC etc. Don't we have over 42 tribes in our country? I may be PANUA damu as everyone knows but when confronted with such facts, I just bow my head in utter shame!

Rot from head
This TRIBALISM seed has mutated into an ugly monster which refuses to go away and the shocking thing is that it's being embraced even by very well enlightened Kenyans who are busy living in DENIAL.

You don't need to go far but to peruse through various blogs like KUMEKUCHA and sites like MASHADA. Decent Kenyans from the LUO and KALENJIN communities are being sacked en' masse in various companies due to "global economic recession" and such silly excuses yet you wonder why it's only them being targeted.

A good Luo buddy of mine recently told me he was sacked from EABL simply because his surname starts with an "O"...What a shame and just where is this country heading to? I would challenge the EABL to publish all the names of over 200 employees fired in a recent purge! Actually if there's a decent MP reading this, why not take this hot potato into parliament? Where are the ODM MP's when their core supporters are being targeted in mindless sackings?

Tribalism may eventually consume this country into it's oblivion. It has happened in other countries so don't think Kenya is so special or has bribed God.

The first thing we need to do as a nation is ADMIT we have one big tribalism problem in this nation. The fact is that it's being perfected by members of various communities and races in Kenya. You only need to look at staff employed by ministers in their various dockets and you will be shocked!

Self-destruction
You can tell which tribe a minister comes from just by walking through the corridors of his or her ministry! If nothing is done, we shall soon have a Rwanda style genocide knocking on our nation's door! It's never too late, my fellow country men and women!

If only Kenyans had the opportunity to turn back the hands of time then they would have reversed the national betrayal following Kibaki’s election in 2002. Add that pain to the 2007 election fiasco and you will see the dark tunnel flooded with blood ahead on 2012.

Living a lie and in serial denial are the worst form of painless suicide your can subject your body to. But again not for Kenyans.

Tribalists Ruining Kenya, Please Stop Them

By Philip (the visitor)

First a humble question to readers of Kumekucha, why have you lowered the bar that much? Even if your rants are a reflection of reality on the ground, you can surely do better than outdoing the villagers.

The vitriol and venom spewed here leaves one wondering whether the writers are really Kenyans, living inside or exiled outside. Here I am left imagining what a bloody battle ground it would be if some of you met face to face

I remember what a Kikuyu taxi driver told me on 14th January 2008 at around 4.00P.M as he was driving me to Eldoret airport (by the way my former Kikuyu boss had feared attending a meeting there so I was representing him):

Kikuyu taxi driver: "Niliponea sana,eeh nilishtuka mazee, hao watu walikuwa wakistopisha gari na kichwa ya mtu kwa mkuki. Mazee sita wish noma kaa hii itokee tena. Inafaa tuwachane na hizi story kabisa."


I don't think we will ever gain when, due to hatred for Raila, we pass blame to all Luos, or due to our hatred for Kibaki we pass our blame to Kikuyus.

I'm lucky that my former boss was a Kikuyu, while one of the Consultant who used to give him consultancy jobs was a Luo. This made me to realise that what separates the good and the bad is God (an atheist can tell me other alternative). I don't think there is anybody among us who can say that he has never been hurt by a member of his/her tribe, to the extend that he'll defend his/her tribe as if his/her tribe is better than the other.

In our current society where we have adopted the western culture so much and there is freedom of movement, the different between two people from different tribe is nothing else but the sound that comes out of their mouth when they speak mother tongue.

So you are a FOOL (not you Chris, but some bloggers here) if you think your tribe is better than the other tribe.

If our names were changed, then we were mixed with other strangers, and finally made mute, don't you think you could have realised that tribal difference between us.

It is so sad and pitiful that we have let tribes to blind us so much that even goats, cows and sheep interact better than us, yet we call ourselves human beings given orders by God to control these animals.


Therefore let's not put tribe as a defence to what our leaders do. We better realize that one's tribe will never justify his/her actions.

I hate this attitude of "Raila stole, eehh Raila is a Luo, I am also Luo, so Raila actually never did something that wrong" or "Kibaki stole, eehh Kibaki is a Kikuyu, and I'm a Kikuyu, ah so Kibaki never did something that bad". Its all BULLSHIT!

Forgive me for using any vulgar word. Only that I'm annoyed with intellectuals who are spreading tribalism.

Of Mungiki and Majimbo Murders

Call it any name you wish but the much-maligned MAJIMBO is here with us albeit by default. And its practitioners are the same scoundrels who demonized it during the 2005 referendum. Welcome to superlative political expediency exclusively made in Kenya.

The present class wars fiercely waged by Mungiki must be seen in the very light of SUBJUGATION. When Kenyans protested against being collectively AUCTIONED by the present gatekeepers after the bungled 2007 polls, we never saw it as symptomatic of revolt against inequality and injustice.

Tell the industry balderdash to Mungiki and kiss your neck goodbye. Even after taking the battle to the backyards of the rulers, their shameless apologists refuse to shed off blinkers. well, primitive accumulation of wealth has mutating into murderous hydras whose tentacles cannot be exterminated even with state might. Na BADO.

All sonorous choruses about hard work and industry can only go so far in expanding chauvinistic egos. While the heads may be temporarily safe under the sand, Mungiki continues its mission to demand attention by decapitation. By offering youths binary option of BLOOD or your HEAD, the self-bred savages are getting the due attention they want.

Ages of ruling an unwilling population by brutal force is long gone with the last millennium and only those schooled on colonial economics still cling to the fallacies. The cliche KENYA WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN has never rang so truer. You don’t bastardize a people’s democracy and use state force to rule them, never.

Living in denial
We lost our innocence and virginity after the 2007 election. No amount of pretence will wash. All the lies packaged in deceptive slogans have been busted. Kenya belongs to Kenyans and not few colonial mutants masquerading as economists. Bob Marley knew it: YOU CAN FOOL SOME PEOPLE SOME TIME BUT NOT AL THE PEOPLE ALL THE TIME.

Look around you and what do you see? Political scavengers draining the last drop of Kenya as Mungiki localize their machetes. The moral authority melted with the year 2007. The king is dancing nude believing what his apologists tell him that he is immaculately dressed.

The time of reckoning is nigh and by the time Mungiki is down, there will be no safe place to call home for the looters. THE PRIZE OF ELECTORAL THEFT. Pretending to seek way forward without first acknowledging existence of a problem is to engage into a circular ego trip.

We Are Now Two Nations Under God

The blind won't see it, but it's the sad reality.

Allow me to be candid again today. My retired old man always told me that when things go wrong don't sugarcoat anything. Talk candidly and talk with force until the wrong is corrected. I intend to do just that, but I must wonder about Kenya. Have we finally reached the point where nobody can bring this nation back to the unity we once experienced under the dictatorial regimes of Kenyatta and Moi?

Last week I watched with gloom as an event that should have been solemn was turned into just another sickening political show. I watched as the Kikuyu elite in the PNU led their pretend supporters like Noah Wekesa, Wokoli and others to the mass funeral of victims of the post election violence. In an instant an event that should have stopped each Kenyan for a few moments of reflection was turned into a Kikuyu affair. By so doing, I had to wonder what the intention of Kibaki and his handlers was. Were they calling for unity or reminding the Kikuyu Kingdom that there is an enemy out there? If so, was that funeral a call for Kenyan unity or a blatant call for GEMA unity? I'll let you be the judge.

The failure by the ODM, the coalition that brings Kenyans together against Kikuyu hegemony, also spoke volumes. What you saw was another case of Kenya being split right down the middle. You may choose to see it differently for fear of dealing with the consequences of the direction this nation is headed, but I see it for what it is. This nation is now two nations under God. We have Kenya, the bloc of six provinces that voted ODM and takes its marching orders from the Prime Minister. Then we have Central and Eastern, the bloc that voted PNU and now feels surrounded by an increasingly agitated fellow Kenyans.

I've taken calls from friends abroad who shake their heads at what they see as the inexplicable intransigence of Kenyans. Why are you so keen on destroying your country, they ask. But they don't understand. They don't understand that after the theft of elections last year, Kenya lost her innocence. We now feel just like another African country headed straight for the doldrums. Even that crap about Kenya being an island of peace sounds hollow to our ears...it doesn't hold the power to unite us for a purpose as it once did.

Two nations under God?

I invite you to a sober debate. I'm aware too that the Big Boys will come here in droves to dilute the impact of this post. They will fail. And may I just warn that I no longer use the blogger name Sam Okello, which the Big Boys have acquired as their own. What an honor.

We shall overcome, but what will it take?

On this sunny morning in Nairobi, I wish on each of you a cool breeze.

How Times Change, Serving Partisan God

Borrowing Tried Hands of Trusted Neighbour

Some queer things can only happen in Kenya. Only here do you rattle a President and induce his foul mood on national TV leading him to declare how dear his wife is. But the same fellow has no time nor word of reassurance about a territorial dispute with an expansionist neighbour despite his oath of office.

Surely selective amnesia served generously in bowls of expediency is no big prize for a leader with no conscience. Only in Kenya do you find a President insulting the dead by collecting corpses for a state funeral 20 years after their demise while ignoring the bloodbath and massacre in his own backyard.

Only within our shores can afford the luxury of dictatorial OUTSOURCING leadership. Just ask Kenyan journalists who had to cross border to seek clarification in Kampala from a skilled master to whom we have successfully exported bigotry as we cheer him on.

Payback time
Museveni is playing the cheap Kenyan politics better than our own scoundrels. If anything Kibaki owes him gratitude as the ONLY leader who promptly congratulated him for bastardizing our democracy.

Living lies must be our singular national forte. Look no further than octogenarian Ambassador Francis Muthaura who without batting an eye warns other PSs against leaning towards any of the coalition partners. I guess taking minutes and directives from PNU is the epitome of non-partisanship.

The fortress of denial is cracking and will surely come crashing down sooner rather than later. It is the same business-as-usual mentality oblivious of the changed circumstances that is steadily pushing Kenya to abyss. Meanwhile the gatekeepers continue with their maddening spree to strip Kenya of all her flesh and blood.

National Lie: Reconciliation Using Division

Playing politics with dead bodies must be condemned by any sane human being worth his/her blood and flesh. But not in Kenya where leaders engage in shameless charades for political mileage.

Toxic leadership continues to suffocate Kenya living her citizens gasping for air. So Kibaki was in Eldoret presiding over the burial of Kiambaa victims almost 20 months since their deaths. His partisan entourage didn’t do the occasion and Kenya any good.

So here we go again continuing to fortify the foundation of our national lies. The shameless leadership has no qualms tribalising death. But again maybe in their twisted world they can speak first language with the dead. And to their obtuse gratification their apologists will come bandying lofty slogans like reconciliation while the thinly-veiled and cheap political expediency oozes from every orifice of their anatomy.

Wailing louder than bereaved
What is more, we have successfully exported the bigotry across the borders. No wonder Museveni can afford the luxury of effortlessly annexing Kenya as many original bigots cheer him on when he skillfully strokes their ethnic egos Kenyan style.

The non mutating truth be told, no life must be lost in vain. But to derive cheap political capital out of a TRAGEDY by painting others as more aggrieved is no means to either author or nurture reconciliation. The latent bravado and brinkmanship negates any trace of cohesion present thereof.

No contempt is more painful than that tears streaming from crocodile's eyes. The only thing that matters to the present rulers is the MEGA DEALS they make over carcass Kenya. To them all else is noise and rattling that must be ignored and strangulated with all available might.

Kibaki and his entourage may have come for the burial with all the state power. But fools would entertain the notion of legislating good neighbourliness. Even Saitoti missed the boat by a whole river in enumerating the number of police stations.

And our people never run dry of selective amnesia and bravado. Predictably, our national penchant to mask wounds as it festers underneath we will see many chanting and condemning those who chose to absent themselves from the burial lest they inflamed an already raging ethnic inferno.

Stroking ethnic flames
The sooner we garner the courage to look our problems straight in the eye the better. Only then can we retrace when the DEVIL invaded our national homestead. Otherwise we risk continuing the destructive journey of building a firm pyramid of deception which will soon come crashing down leaving no place to hide even for the looters.

While nobody ever suffered constipation from a full course menu of delicious coloured lies, only clothing ourselves with nothing but the truth will help cover our collective national nudity. All else are circular ego trips to oblivion.

Migingo: The King is Dead, Sell the Corpse

Migingo- Is is a Luo affair?

The fight over the small island Migingo is now tribal. It is war between the luos of Kenya and the Uganda. President Museveni in his address over the issue has literally provoked the Luo tribe in kenya.

I think a patriotic Kenyan need to say no to Museveni and remind him that the Migingo land, fish and water are one thing that belong to Kenya and not Luos.Museveni is now becoming arrogant and disrespectful to Kenyans. Kenyan are not under dogs by any standards and we (Kenyans) are willing to resist this kind of aggression.Insulting words against any tribe or person of Kenyan citizen is aimed at Kenya and we are watching the Ugandan president keenly.

The Big Boys Are Watching Us | Sam Okello on Kikuyus

It was the big boys impersonating me.

Two days ago I dropped a post here about a contemptuous Kikuyu Kingdom. Many bloggers responded with fire, called me the juiciest names they could recall from their days before they got saved. Obviously there were others who attempted a rational discussion and I appreciated that very much. The free flow of thought is always a good thing.

Today I'm writing to confirm what my good friend Chris has always claimed here. The Big Boys are indeed watching this space. My folks who always track down cyber threats to my work and words carried out a check on who had successfully broken into my profile. When they gave me the report, it brought a chill at first, then another smile, just like the one I had at the Kenya National Library. It occurred to me that The Big Boys are watching us here at KK.

By impersonating me and using a string of anonymous, they wanted to derail the healthy discussion that should have followed my post. They failed. In between the noise, you found men and women who saw my post for what it was...a provocative piece that called on us to look around and see what was going on.

It makes me feel pretty good that through the tireless efforts of Chris and other sharp bloggers on KK, this space has been molded into an authoritative voice for the millions of Kenyan at home and abroad. For those who have friends and relatives who don't read us yet, call them today and let them know what they are missing.

Seriously, if the big boys are reading us, why wouldn't every Kenyan want to know what we are saying? Forget the Daily Nation commentators, read Chris and Taabu and Sayra and Kalamari and Urlnx and our other great minds. The only guy you may want to avoid reading like a plague is my friend Phil...at least until he honors his pledge to buy me that lunch at Kosewe.

Oh, and avoid reading Sam Okello by all means. That guy, like one blogger said, is bure kabisa.

On this sweet morning in Nairobi, I wish on each of you a cool breeze.

Saitoti, Ali In Plane Accident

Breaking News:

There was panic in Nairobi earlier today when initial reports filtered in that Internal Security Minister George Saitoti and Police commissioner Maj Gen Hussein Ali had been involved in a plane crash.

However later clarifications indicated that the police commissioner was only bruised and even talked to the press and that the internal security minister was in a seperate plane. News on the incident is however still scanty although the helicopter that crashed was carrying journalists as well on a tour of police stations in the Rift Valley.

Other reports say that Internal Security Assistant minister Orwa Ojode was badly injured in the accident.

The accident happened in Kapsabet, Rift Valley.

This Is Not About Uhuru, Its About A Contemptuous Kikuyu Kingdom

Wait.

So the Minister of Finance is Uhuru Kenyatta? The Permanent Secretary is a Mr. Kinyua? The folks at the Central Bank are from Central Province? And the line up at the Kenya Revenue Authority is top-heavy with folks from that same zone? Hhmmm..why are we stunned that 9.2 billion shillings are the subject of a growing scandal now?

Look, the folks from Central Province who frequent this site will accuse me of tribalism, but this is the one time I don't really care what they say. What I see is an increasingly corrupt and inept Kibaki government, one where top officials are engaging in the kind of looting that makes everybody in this administration look drunk and utterly contemptuous of Kenyans. It's almost as if these guys have detected the end of Kenya and want to line their pockets ahead of the coming deluge. What I must ask is...where do they intend to spend this money after the ruins they'll have left behind?

Folks, let me tell you something about the Luo. We Luos have something called temperance. We have a sense of shame. If a Luo was president, I can guarantee you that the nation's treasury would not be manned by members of one community like is the case now. A Luo would not allow a situation where everybody at the Central Bank, and at the State House, and at the KRA, and at the Ministry of Finance had names that reflected the texture of one region. Don't our brothers from Central have a sense of shame?

The other day I was at the Kenya National Library for a service. In the department where I sought service, I found five sweet women talking in that deep Kikuyu that some of the Kikuyu children born and bred here in Nairobi wouldn't even understand. For a moment I felt mad, then I started laughing. It was right there that what has been going on in Kenya hit me. Here it is: In this Kibaki presidency, Kenya has slowly transformed into a Kikuyu Kingdom. Everywhere you go you find top and mid-level managers who might as well speak that deep Kikuyu at work. Why would they want to speak English or Swahili when everybody around is some kind of a House of Mumbi descendant? Indeed, why not just nationalize Agikuyu, they may ask themselves.

The question this state of affairs begs is this: Are the Kikuyu in Kenya who are leaders and managers in the public and private sectors hiring only Kikuyus to work for them? How can it be that the KRA is full of Kikuyus? How can it be that at the State House only Kikuyus feel welcome? Didn't the Luo apply? Didn't the Luhya?

Man!

I've dropped all pretenses today because I want to say that this nation cannot afford another Kikuyu presidency. We want a Kenyan presidency, one where all the people of this great land will feel like they are part of a system that works for them. Uhuru is part of a cruel and shameless tradition that's been raping this nation since independence. Did you see him say with a straight face that it was a typing error? Even his own kids didn't buy that crap.

It's enough, folks. Kimunya, Michuki, Uhuru...and Who Next?

I can't wait for the end of this kingdom. It stinks.

Martha Karua and Cyrus Jirongo reveal Ruto Raila deep secrets | Kenya news

Uhuru: It Wasn't Me, Blame the Computers

Kenyans are so fast at pointing fingers even at SAINTS. Now all and sundry are baying for Jomo Junior’s blood for a mistake the PRINCE didn’t make. What is more, Uhuru has equivocally clarified that the SMALL discrepancy of KES 9.2 BILLION was a computer error. What other further proof do Kenyans want from an INDUSTRIOUS and hard working politician.

For the records Uhuru is not naive to burn his fingers by engaging in silly/petty thefts. Son of Ngina was born and destined for bigger things and marauding Kenyans must give him a break. He tops the 2012 presidential wish list and that makes him a magnet of barbs in all shapes and form.

Finance Ministry is not meant for minions and unlike other dockets must be tightly guarded. UK has apologized and we must take him for his word. If anything a billion is just but some nine zeroes and such grandiose errors in 200 columns is human. We must trust Muigai with the hard task of formulating national budget next month.

But PRINCE UK is smart enough to know when to face camera and without blinking declare IT WASN’T ME. Well, Shaggy the singer had no clue when he belted that number. The DPM smells political heat miles away and with Marende breathing fire through parliamentary committee attack dogs UK knows nobody ever constipated from and overdose of humble pie.

Executive ministry
But the whole saga leaves national bitter taste. Are all the MPs so busy they blindly pass such a colossal amount of tax payers money without scrutiny? The joke is on us people as Kenya’s gatekeepers re-enforce the grills with every trick available to them.

If only computers could talk then we would know for sure how easily we are fooled as a nation. The truth is you don’t inaugurate yourself at midnight and sleep pretty without going overdrive to accomplish the Grand Mission of auctioning even the unborn Kenyan. We haven’t seen anything yet.

Have You Ever Been A Casualty Of Corruption?

I will never forget that hot sunny day some years back, somewhere in Tharaka Nthi (Meru). I was standing there in the hot sun in one of my warmer suits with tears rather than sweat trickling down my cheeks as I squeezed a Kenya shillings one thousand note into the worn hands of a mother who had cried most of the way from Nairobi.

Mutula "Reforms" Kilonzo: Would you trust a lion to guard your sheep?

A few minutes earlier the tiny coffin that carried the remains of her 9 year old daughter had been lowered from the carriage of our minibus. We were going to bury a friend’s wife and had offered her a free lift in our minibus all the way from Nairobi to Meru.

Her daughter died because of corruption. There was no medicine at Kenyatta National Hospital to save her life because corruption made sure of that and her parents had no money to buy it elsewhere. She told me her daughter’s last words to her which will forever ring in my mind. She had said; “Don’t cry mama, I am going to heaven.”

To many Kenyans corruption is a joke. Something that is not too serious, after all Kenya has more serious problems like road accidents and violent crime. Right? Wrong!! The truth is that it is the ordinary folks (e.g. the Mathareans) who feel the full impact of corruption. While Westgateans enjoy the fruits of it.

A day after being appointed the new Justice Minister, Mutula Kilonzo had the nerve to say that in his many years of practicing the law, he is not aware of any clique out to derail reforms in Kenya. For those who know Mr Kilonzo that statement is hardly surprising. It is easier for a hungry Tana River crocodile to ignore a baby bathing on the banks of the river than it is for Mr Kilonzo to bring reforms.

Many Kenyans are not aware for instance of how rotten the judiciary system in Kenya is. An advocate who recently returned to the country and had to go and file her papers in the high court has been frustrated for the last 2 days because her conscience does not allow her to pay a paltry Kshs 500/- to facilitate the process. Just walk into any legal firm and ask them what "facilitation fees" are.

That is how stinking rotten our dear Kenya is.

Many times when I lose focus in this blog my mind goes back to Tharaka Nthi and to that hot Saturday afternoon and to that young girl who died because of corruption. What would she have been today? A lawyer, a doctor saving lives in some remote hospital? Or maybe some happy Kenyan housewife bringing up the next Barack Obama. Or maybe some cocky blogger posting excellent articles here. We will never know.

My post today is dedicated to her memory and to the memory of all those “insignificant” unknown Kenyans who have been casualties of corruption

You are dead right Mr Kilonzo, there is nobody fighting reforms. Excuse me folks, I need to throw up!!!

Can These Jokers Deliver The Reforms We Need Before Elections?

One of the arguments that people have against Kenyans going back to the polls ASAP is that there is no need for elections without first implementing minimal reforms.

Well said!! Actually that makes a lot of sense. However I have one simple question to ask. Can our current crop of politicians deliver reforms?

I can bet you my lunch today that Raila Odinga, Martha Karua, George Saitoti, Uhuru Kenyatta and every other pretender to the throne wants to be president with the same powers that Mwai Kibaki has today. So in effect what will happen is that they will make all the right noises, huff and puff but no reforms will happen. And you can take that to the bank.

So in effect the best hope (and I emphasize “hope” because it is no guarantee) to get any reforms is to vote in a new team with the reform agenda at the top of their list. Hopefully they will be under more pressure to deliver what the electorate wants than the current crop of politicians.

Probably the best illustration of how reforms will not happen with the current jokers was the appointment yesterday of Mutula Kilonzo to fill in the docket left by Martha Karua. Kenyans have the shortest memories on earth and so may I remind you folks to ask yourselves how Mutula Kilonzo made his money. I can assure you that he did not make it the same way reputable firms like Kaplan and Stratton or Daly Figgis make theirs.

The man shot to the limelight as retired President Moi’s lawyer. But before that Mutula thrived from making a corrupt judicial system even more corrupt (I don’t think I need to say more). And that is the man who has now been tasked with championing reforms. That is a very, very, very funny joke. Only that I am NOT laughing.

So since we are told elections are impossible right now why don’t we sit and wait for reforms before we go to the polls. I suggest that we push back the elections to beyond 2012. Let us give these good people plenty of time to bring us the reforms.

Will the last man leaving Kenya remember to switch off the lights, please!

Are You Looking At Kenya From Westgate Or Mathare?

We keep getting reassuring statements from all quarters that the coalition will not collapse and that it will run its’ course to the next scheduled general elections in 2012.

We have even had a statement issued by a diplomat in Nairobi ruling out snap general elections as NOT being a viable option for Kenya. Wise words indeed. But wise words don’t always rule.

So on the surface of things it seems that the country will limp on until 2012 in its’ current state of uncertainty and constant squabbling within the coalition. But is this the case? The mood of the country and recent events seem to contradict this view.

Take for instance the incident at Uhuru Park on Labour day May 1^st where angry wananchi threw stones and walked out on Labour Minister John Munyees as he delivered the president’s speech. There are those who say that the heckling was organized for political reasons by ODM diehards to embarrass the president. This is of course difficult to prove, but even if it is true the truth is that Kenya as a country is now dangerously on the edge and amazingly nobody seems to see where the real danger lies.

About two weeks ago I had the privilege of seeing first hand just how deceiving the state of the country can be to a casual observer depending on where you are. I went to the Sarit centre, the prestigious Westgate and surrounding shopping arcades and could not miss the huge crowds of shoppers with heavy trolleys threatening to spill their contents on the neat pavements next to roads without a single pot hole. I quipped to a friend; “This is where the thieves of Kenya live and play.” I then traveled through a section of Ukambani and it was stark contrast. Children staring back with hunger visibly in their eyes. Desperate people who asked for my cell phone number and then quickly followed with requests for help—any kind of help. My informants have told me the situation is pretty much the same across most of the country. Most dangerously within slum areas in Nairobi.

To put this danger bluntly; there are far too many Kenyans at the moment who have absolutely nothing to lose. My question is; will all these people wait until 2012?

Kenyans are angry and hungry and that deadly combination means that anything can happen at any time.

Interestingly as I mentioned in an earlier post, both ODM and PNU are busy secretly preparing for a general election. Indeed the recent “campaign” targeted at the Prime Minister is part of PNU’s preparation for those elections. However what both political parties do NOT seem to realize is that Kenyans are long fed up with the old order and whatever kind of preparations both political parties make, they will NOT make an impact in the next polls (whenever that will be).

I love Shakespeare’s political classic Julius Caesar and in one memorable scene of the play Julius Caesar sees the soothsayer who had earlier warned him about the ides of March and reminds him about his prediction. The Soothsayer quietly replies that indeed the ides of March has arrived, but it was far from being over. Before the end of that day Caesar had fallen in bloody mess of stabbings. I made a bold prediction early this year where I doubted if the coalition government would survive beyond May. Well May is here… but it is far from being over.

Of course I have been wrong before…. But I have also been right.

P.S. Increasingly old corruption and crime rings that have been suffocating the country for a long time seem to be under attack even as they seem to continue to thrive. Fascinatingly one of the recent attacks to the old order seems to be coming from a most unlikely source. Technology.

Last week a Kenyan data recovery company launched a cell phone and laptop tracking device that is sure to put a lot of crooked people in Nairobi out of business. These people being put out of business are NOT nice people and the company in question needs to give serious thought to their personal security and that of its’ top executives.

Just Going Round and Round and Rou....

Can’t tell why many times there is the need to cross the river before we get to the bridge … either by miracles (which scientifically don’t just happen) or fly like a bird. Logically it makes no sense(why would you wanna do that? si just walk to the bridge) and structurally we lack the necessary network, skills and the knowledge to do/achieve that … which in many ways is nothing but a blessing to us considering our RAM kind of memory.

The much crap we keep taking from our leaders tells that we not yet at the end of the road. The much crap we take from each other, from our bosses, from our community leaders, from our religious leaders, from our MPs from the Prime Minister and from the President will tell you that we still have the space to take more crap from them. The only way to change is when you have been pushed that you can go no further. You are so pushed that you can take it no more, you are at the end … and you are literally burning inside, to a point where you can kill and comfortably defend yourself. You stop caring for anything and you will do anything to get out of where you find yourself. At these points you can easily mobilize people just so that you can do what you believe needs to be done, and will easily tell off that ‘boss’ who is standing in your way.

As a nation we are not at the end. There is still a lot more crap we can take from those we have entrusted to lead us. We still need the different mafias all over the country to continue selling Kenya part by part till the day we’ll come home from work and see a sign at the gate to our homes that we are trespassing someone’s property … for a piece of land that was legitimately bought 100yrs ago by great great grandfather. We still need the many shrewd business people to continue reaping mad profits by underpaying us till the day I realize that I can’t even pay for my bus fare to work due to inflation … or continue to kiss ass and boot lick the idiotic boss or sleep with him/her to get a promotion or keep jobs or get favors till the day it will dawn on me that its not worth. We still need to put up with the most sic education system till the day we’ll wake up and find out that no one will graduate in medicine, commerce, etc in the public universities since those who apparently qualified through exam leakage could not manage because they just ain’t all that bright … and in any case they just wanted to pass the exams. I will still continue to take all the crap the mainstream media will feed me till the day they say a lie on me. As long as they aren’t lying about me or feeding my kids with ‘dirt’ so to speak I will continue to take on the biased news and religiously watch them at 9.00pm and let other kids watch TV as they wish. The day they will say lies on me … then I will do something to demand that they should be accountable and responsible on what they show and report on the screen.

In short, as much as we need things to be done correctly we have to cross the river when we get to the bridge. The widespread APATHY among the Kenyans has to end for us to have the Kenya we all need. When a national issue that should be addressed is not … we make noise for some days then forget about it, and move on to the next … and on goes the circle. Demanding good governance then shamelessly showing disinterest when presented and given CRAP is the worst form of hypocrisy.

This kind of insincerity will keep us where we are till the day things get too bad that we are at the end. My prayer this Sunday is that day comes quick. I want to see a lot more crap from the two big losers and from the MPs to the point where we all can take it no more. We as Kenyan need to get to the point where we all will join the so called stone throwers without a care … where we will do whatever it takes to just get the country back in the right path.

Let’s end the APATHY.

What A Country

Labor Minister stoned by workers on labor day. Great. Wanainchi are becoming bold. Haki Yetu!!

Kibaki disrespected by mere Speaker of the house. Imagine showing such 'disrespect' to Moi. Folks, mambo inabadilika.

Fidel Odinga selling maize in Southern Sudan. Need more Range Rover SUVs?

'The Hague' murders fifteen mungiki adherents within a few weeks.

Mungiki murders thirty hapless villagers within half an hour. The police commissioner still has a job.

Mungiki leader released then rearrested. No comment.

Women Groups say No Sex for seven days to urge reforms. I support this but how do we enforce it?

Migingo Islands. No Uganda flag. More Ugandan soldiers. No Kenyan administrator in sight. Even Moi is incensed about this one.

Weekly Cabinet meetings. What weekly cabinet meetings?

Nairobi City. Ranked the 43rd worst city to live in for expatriate businessmen. I say for everybody.

Swine flu. What's the fuss?


Folks, even with all these, the Kenyan Passport is still number one in the black market.

Prepare For General Elections

Every publisher and media person knows that sex sells. It moves newspapers like crazy and that is exactly how one Rupert Murdoch made his fortune mainly publishing the notorious UK tabloids, The Sun and News of The World. But can sex start a revolution and save Kenya? Or rather the lack of it.

That is the question that has to be asked after women under the banner of Gender 10, a group of 10 civil societies called for a sex boycott by all Kenyan women of goodwill. The women have called for a seven-day abstention to pressurize President Kibaki and the Prime Minister Raila Odinga into ending coalition wrangles.

Because of the unusual nature of this protest and also because their timing was perfect G10 got front page treatment in media most notably the Daily Nation, but one still has to ask the question, will the sex boycott work? What impact can it possibly have in a country that has already gone to the dogs so to speak?

---------------------------Quick tip
Avoid the heavy traffic coming into Nairobi from the airport. Brand new budget hotel 15 minutes from Nairobi City Centre at Mlolongo.
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Not to mention the fact that some women feel insulted by this latest move because it portrays them only as sex objects whose only weapon of protest or blackmail is what they have to offer between the sheets.

There is little doubt that this Gender 10 move will be discussed on offices, bars and homes across the country and beyond over this long weekend. But sadly it is unlikely to achieve very much in terms of the results.

Still the pressure is mounting.

It is like cutting a Mugumo tree. The many small blows you land on the tree may look insignificant but collectively they will all contribute to the felling of the tree.

Incidentally I am informed that both ODM and PNU are at this moment very busy strategizing and preparing for elections.

P.S. Besides our leaders (including both principals) are so old that sex is no longer what it used to be. So even if their wives (and girlfriends) were to join in the boycott, it will have little effect if any in pressurizing anybody.