One man guitar terror

Probably every family has a dark secret, but the truth is that some secrets are much darker than others. And I guess it is true that to understand a country well, one has to look more closely at the family unit. If you see corrupt governments, you can be sure that the families are worse.

There is actually so much rot in Kenyan families and this reflects in the kind of leaders we elect again and again and then turn round to complain later.

I guess I will start with the less emotionally draining stories in this post and then move on to the heavier stuff in the next.

There is this deadly thug who harasses residents of a well known suburb not too far from Nairobi. He has earned the nickname “one man guitar” because he always operates alone. This is unusual because most muggers anywhere in the world almost always operate in groups.

“One man guitar” usually waits for people in the dark and stands at a safe distance with a powerful torch. The only other thing the torch shifts to is the glimmering revolver he is usually carrying with him. There was a time that residents started suspecting that the gun he threatened his victims with was actually a toy. That was until this unfortunate lady fell victim to the thug. It is said that she had recently opened a shop in town selling the latest cell phones. The cell phones were pretty expensive and so every night when she locked up she would carry her small stock with her in her large handbag. So on this particular evening she got off the matatu at around 8 pm and started on the short walk to her house. The next thing she knew was that a powerful torch was focused on her face. The man behind the light asked her to surrender her handbag, all her cash and her cell phone. She froze. She then handed over her cell phone which she was holding in her hand but held tightly to her handbag. There was suddenly a very loud bang. Louder than she had ever heard before in her life. It took her a moment to realize that the thugs’ gun had gone off. Actually he fired into the ground. She promptly threw her handbag on the ground and ran for her dear life.

Now I have information that the family of “one man guitar” is very much aware of his criminal activities and yet have done nothing about it. Apparently the thug still lives with his parents and siblings. I mean this thug has been operating for a very long time, almost 10 years. And yet this well-to-do family has done nothing. They probably join other Kenyans in decrying the high crime rate in the country knowing very well that they have hidden a dangerous criminal in their midst. Some residents claim that a few years ago “one man guitar” actually killed somebody. If this is true, this family is also hiding a murderer in their home.

There is this other dark family secret that is now widely known in that family but is probably rampant in our country. Even as Kenyans scream at the top of their voices about being fed up with corruption, many of those Kenyans screaming loudest are working in a job that they obtained through corruption. Meaning they bribed somebody to get it.

Take this well known Nairobi couple. The wife has a reputation for being extremely bossy and the meek husband usually has to do what his wife wants or else… Now what everybody knows except the husband is that his wife who hails from a very poor family got her first big job in an interesting way. There was this rich man in an expensive car who paid a visit one evening (when her husband was still at work) and unfortunately was seen by a curious witness who noticed that the lights went off in the house shortly after they entered and he drew nearer and heard the unmistakable squeaking of a bed making noise, the kind of noise that would come from only one kind of activity.

Now this bossy woman has got an even bigger job than that initial one. Only God and the devil know if she repeated the same procedure to land this second job. I am certain many women (and even men, I know of at least one gay man who did the same several times) do this kind of thing all the time. It is very normal in Kenya and even elsewhere in the world. But in my humble view such people should shut up when discussion about corruption in government is going on.

P.S. The very latest is that “one man guitar” struck in the wee hours of the morning about 4 days ago. Seems that he is getting bolder now.

More dark family secrets that wiped out an entire family

Kiplagat impunity

One thing I can tell you about the Moi era is that there were no dull moments. What I miss most about it was the occasional dark humour.

Sample the following.

President Moi had gotten very unpopular and miserable Kenyans were completely fed up with his rule. At around that time Moi decided to use Special Branch (the intelligence service at that time) to spread a rumour that the president was suffering from throat cancer and would die at any moment. To add credibility to this explosive rumour the president left for an extended trip overseas, it was whispered that he was desperately seeking some kind of treatment, but there was none.

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Don’t miss Kumekucha’s weekend special starting tomorrow. Is is a weekend special like no other I have written before. I felt emotionally drained just writing it, I have no idea what you will feel reading it. If you thought you knew Kenyans and the rot that is in many family units, then think again. I didn't pull any punches here. I reveal secrets hidden for a long time. If you have a weak heart, please don’t try to read this weekend special… I am dead serious.
How do Kenyans expect clean accountable politicians when the stench in our very own homes smells to high heaven?
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Those were the days when Kenyans were afraid of their own shadows and would not dare say anything against the president in public. Still it was obvious that many Kenyans received news of the president’s alleged illness with a lot of joy. Many saw this as an answer to their many years of prayers for Moi to somehow leave the presidency.

It is not clear what the whole intention of starting this rumour was. Some say Moi and his close aides wanted to carefully monitor the predictable succession jostling that would ensue. Whatever the intention shortly after these rumours started doing the rounds in Nairobi, Moi returned to the country in a jovial mood. As usual he ran down the stairs of the plane at high speed as soon as it touched down. On the tarmac, he enthusiastically slapped the hand of Prof George Saitoti in greeting and joined traditional dancers in a jig or two… same old, same old. You could almost sense the whole nations’ sigh of despair at how healthy the president looked. No signs of a terminal illness there.

Moi went on to give a speech where he solemnly re-dedicated himself to serving the very Kenyans who did not want him to serve them. That was Moi and impunity at its’ best. Mupende musipende.

This man called Bethuel Kiplagat reminds me very much of that Moi incident. He insists on serving Kenyans as the chair of the Truth Justice and Reconciliation commission and is determined to serve the Kenyans who do not want to be served by him. Mr Kiplagat should remember that this is the old impunity rearing its’ ugly head again in his actions. How the hell will this thing work when there is NO public confidence in Kiplagat? To make matters worse the man is playing the old sick politics of appealing to several groups to publicly declare confidence in his ability to lead the TJRC. The latest group to do this is the Kalenjin council of elders. I mean the man just doesn’t get it does he?

Forget the fact that Kiplagat has been bending the law to its’ very limit for personal gain. Specifically I am talking about the Banking laws which do not allow a major share holder to be part of the management. The truth is that Kiplagat is a major shareholder of the bank called K-Rep but has used lawyers to register a complex web of holding companies to own the bank shares so that he remains at the helm managing it. Banking experts insist that his management has been retrogressive to the progress of the bank. K-Rep was the first community-based micro banking organization and a lot of their pioneering work was taken up by others like Equity Bank who are now many million miles ahead of K-Rep. Using the complex web of holding companies Mr Kiplagat may not have broken the law but he has certainly defeated and frustrated the spirit of that law. And this is the man who wants to lead the TJRC mupende musipende. Who will benefit from this forced leadership? The Kenyan people? Or Mr Kiplagat?

Is it not obvious to Kiplagat that the fact that he was Robert Ouko’s PS when the former foreign affairs minister was murdered is enough for him to disqualify himself from heading the TJRC without any pressure from Kenyans? Whether he is guilty or innocent is irrelevant. The man just needs to step aside and let the truth come out. Or what is he really scared of?

The fear that the truth is that Kiplagat’s appointment by Kibaki was NOT an accident. There are plenty of skeletons in all these politician’s closet. President Kibaki has got vast tracts of land at the Coast and some Kenyans at the Coast want to talk about this land and are not comfortable telling all to Kiplagat. After all this is Kenya. People still disappear without trace under unexplained circumstances.

If Mr Kiplagat was as clean as he claims to be, we wouldn’t even be discussing this issue, the man would not have accepted the appointment in the first place.

What Africa Confidential says about Kiplagat skeletons in the closet

Kumekucha classic posts;

What was Kenyatta really like?

Why this Kenyan habit of naming kids after presidents, past and future?