Sir/Madam, Why do you want to be the president of Kenya?

It is the right of every Kenyan who thinks that they are fit for the job to run for the presidency. You or I can wake up one morning and decided to join the already crowded race to the old archaic former governor of Kenya’s residence and the place that housed the very first students to join a school called Duke of York (later Lenana School) in 1949. For those of us who have been there, the building is no doubt well maintained but the truth is that it is old and has definitely seen better days.

My point here is that if it was really a good house one wanted you would be much better off going for the Vice Presidency instead. Have you seen the palatial VP’s residence in Karen?


VP's Official residence in Karen: Since State house is so old and archaic, wouldn't you be better off going for the vice  presidency, sir/madam?

An interesting aside here is that the job of CEO of Kenya comes with over half a dozen other State lodges scattered all over the country that are just a drain on tax payers’ funds. Apart from the ones in major towns that you may have heard of like Mombasa, Nakuru and Kisumu, there are also plenty others “under the radar” like Sagana, Kakamega, Rumuruti and Cherangany. There is even one close to Mtito Andei where Kenya’s first President Jomo Kenyatta would always stop for a brief rest while on his frequent road trips to and from Mombasa (Kenyatta had a deep-seated fear of flying and the only time he took to the air during his 15 year presidency was as a corpse in casket as the body was flown back to Nairobi in August 1978.)

But I digress. You will find that nobody is really interested in the vice presidency and it seems this office is but a consolation prize for any would-be pretender to the real throne—the oresidency of Kenya.

Kenyans need to interrogate all major presidential candidates. One simple question that each and every one of them needs to answer is; why do you want to be president? Why would anybody want to live in such an old building as State house Nairobi when there are plenty of other much better places to live? Why would anybody desire the job of overseeing some of the most tribal-minded people on planet earth who eat, sleep think and go-to-the-toilet their tribe?

If there is any job that is less attractive than being president of the banana republic called Kenya, I would like to hear about it. Even cleaning toilets has much less stress and much more job satisfaction than being POBROK (President of the Banana Republic Of Kenya).

What kind of human being wants to rule people with a squeeze-into-a-packed-matatu mentality who have no qualms about squeezing the life out of a pregnant woman while forcing their bulging obese bodies into an already crowded small vehicle in a mad rush to get home (not the office)? This packed-matatu mentality clearly rears its’ ugly head every Friday afternoon when millions of cell phones that have been switched off the whole week are suddenly switched on and everybody starts making frantic calls at the same time. Former Safaricom CEO Michael Joseph was vilified for his “the odd calling habits of Kenya” remark but he was stating the obvious although in my view “bizarre” would have been a better word to use.

What man or woman in their right mind would want to manage people who are convinced that the first thing to do when you come into some little cash windfall is marry a new wife or acquire a brand new mpango wa kando?

Who would want to have anything to do with people who have no qualms about accepting bribes from a presidential or parliamentary seat candidate and then voting for them but still expect him to take good care of public funds and be corruption free once they have been installed into office?

But above all else, this position of being president of Kenya is a thankless one to say the least. Just ask one Mwai Kibaki. Under his leadership the country has been transformed. Just look at the infrastructural marvels that he has achieved under very difficult circumstances? Analyze the strides we have ,made since the Moi days and leave out all the politics. In my view the president will be remembered as a manager whose achievements were overshadowed by the politics (because at the end of the day it is always about the politics).

And that is why we should seriously consider making some amendments to our constitution so that the country is managed by a real CEO whom we hire with a clear job description and priorities drafted by the senate. It would have to be somebody with some experience on how to manage chaotic Kenyans and their bizarre only-in-Kenya habits.

How about former Safaricom CEO Michael Joseph being Kenya CEO? He would be an ideal possible candidate for the job.

Laugh at the very idea I you must but clearly we the people of Kenya are not yet mature enough to elect the right person to be POBROK.

Shocking!!! Shocking!!!

In my latest raw notes published recently, I reveal William Ruto's main financier in his bid for the presidency. What is even more shocking is his real motive for backing Ruto.

Also in the same raw notes is the most shocking video you will ever view in this life. Even Chris Kumekucha threw up while viewing it. Want to know the contents...

This is the season for witchdoctors. Politicians are consulting them in earnest as we approach the general elections. But there are many of us well educated Kenyans who do not believe that witchcraft exists.

In the sickening video that affected Chris Kumekucha so much, you will see the so called powers of darkness at work where an adulterous wife was “locked” with her lover and the two were completely unable to separate until the irate husband showed up and started charging eager wananchi cash to get inside the room and see “everything” even as his wife sobbed uncontrollably.

He then demanded Kshs 20,000 from the sweating young man to “break the spell.” The adulterous man who appeared to be in pain was completely unable to disengage himself from the naked woman under him even with some help from the policemen in the room. He was only too eager to pay and as the policemen inside the room were busy searching for his ATM to withdraw the money, a simple man came into the room and started praying. What happened next is bizarre beyond explanation. 

Watch it all for yourself in my latest raw notes. You can order my raw notes now and receive them in minutes (it does not matter what time zone you are in) by sending an email to umissedthis at gmail dot com

 When you order you will also get all HOT back issues of my raw notes that you have missed.