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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Low-lifes want to mess up our country

This is the most important post I have written in a very long time and I am not ashamed to say that I write it with tears trickling down my cheeks.

My parents were not rich but I was brought up fairly comfortably. I never went hungry and I was dropped at school by car every day. I was never sent home even once because of my fees not being paid.

But I am also very grateful for the experience I had when I finished my sixth form and decided to move out of my father’s house right away. The first thing that hit me hard was when I realized that I could not afford to pay rent on my own anywhere near the Kileleshwa neighbourhood where my dad resided at the time. Even the servants quarters available in the area were way out of my reach as a freelance journalist and aspiring writer. I ended up in Riruta a reasonable middle class estate at that time but not far from the sprawling Kawangware slums. I was shocked that there were pit latrines anywhere close to Nairobi and filthy ones at that. I was yet to discover that this was sheer luxury compared to the good folks at Kibera who do not have toilets at all and have to use paper bags which they then throw all over the place. But I was overjoyed to be independent. I am grateful to God every day that I was born the kind of person who can be comfortable virtually anywhere.

That was the beginning of my education on how most Kenyans live this life. Always the curious type I ventured into many slum areas making friends easily and learning what I thought would always be for my own consumption.

I learnt how most kids in this area love to drink plenty of water because they are hungry most of the day and will only have a single meal in a day (which more often than not will not even be enough). And so they fill their stomach with water to dull the hunger pangs. I went hungry myself many times as I struggled to prove to myself and my dad that I was capable of taking care of myself.

I saw things that made me wonder whether I was still in Kenya. One particular encounter in the Kibera slums just floored me and has haunted me since.

In Kibera Kenyans who have gone without food for a few days usually hang around on the roads and deliberately throw themselves in front of a passing car that is not moving too fast. The whole idea is to get some kind of payment “to go to hospital” from the “rich” driver of the vehicle. And it works sometimes. The hungry young man may get hit quite badly sometimes but at least he ends up with a few coins given to him to go to hospital but which he will use to buy some food. I once asked a friend in the slums if the people who do this do not fear death. His answer shocked me to my bones. For people who live in these slum areas death is sometimes a welcome escape from the life of hopelessness they live every day. And thus many of them do not fear death. The immediate motive is to eat but if they die that is even better because they will never need to worry again about what they will eat tomorrow.

With this kind of background I get sick hearing some NGO-type still burping and farting from her six course lunch appear on national TV and give Kenyans wonderful theories about why Waititu should be barred from contesting. Or the fat journalist still sweating from a nyamachoma lunch who writes a column saying that TNA chaps are crazy to from Waitutu for governor of Nairobi.

Well the low-lifes are the vast majority of voters and fortunately there is nothing anybody can do about that (unless you want to change the constitution and give the chaps at Lavington 3 votes for every single one cast by a low-life). These are the kind of people supporting the political aspirations of Ferdinand Waititu and Michael Gideon Sonko. They are not on social media and neither will they be able to leave a comment here to praise this post despite the fact that internet access is so cheap these days. They have other more basic needs to worry about. But the truth is that Waititu speaks their language and so does Sonko. And that is why you can be sure that those two individuals are as good as already elected.

Over the last few days I have read and heard all kinds of comments about how stupid and ridiculous it is for anybody to imagine Waititu as governor of Nairobi. They have really saddened me.

I have realized that the divide between the haves and the have-nothings has continued to widen considerably because the experiences I describe above are from the late 80s. Between that time and now a lot more has happened to worsen the lot of the less privileged in Kenya. Meanwhile our leaders have continued to behave with arrogance and in a manner that would suggest that it is not true that over 70% of Nairobians live in slums. Is it any surprise that leaders like Waititu and Sonko have attracted the constituency that they have?

I have coined the phrase low-lifes from one of my relatives who really looks down on those less privileged Kenyans and has no time for them. And yet they do not hail from a rich family, in fact she walked to school in her time and was sent home several times for lack of fees. Indeed I have noticed that the worst people are not even the rich but the middle class and those aspiring to be associated with the well to do. I have watched with amusement as some of my brothers get extremely UNcomfortable when I mix freely with the so-called “low lifes.”

Our press is not any better because it has become extremely elitist. Journalists write their stories as if they were in Europe or somewhere in the United States. This would have been laughable if it were not so tragic. And if we were not sitting on a time bomb that will have to explode some day. I remember when I was trying to get into journalism there used to be a small pub somewhere along Moi avenue where journalists mixed freely with the public and many ordinary Kenyans. In those days there were many journalists who lived in Eastlands and especially the parts of Eastlands that are not well to do. In those days the newspapers were much more readable and I wonder these days why the leading daily newspapers don’t simply move to Muthaiga and do all their reporting and coverage there instead of pretending that they represent the masses.

You can keep on looking down on low-lifes, their thinking and political choices but be aware of the fact that their day is coming. Don’t for a minute fool yourself that the walls surrounding your leafy neighborhood house are high enough or that the dogs roaming in your compound are fierce enough to protect you when the time comes.

I write this post well aware of the fact that for all intents and purposes I am playing guitar music to goats. Still I declare today that I stand with the low-lifes of Kenya and all my views and opinions here will reflect that without any fear or embarrassment.

Waititu is the best governor that Nairobi can ever have and if for no other reason at least his elevation will delay the coming violent class wars when the low-lifes wake up one morning and decide that they have had enough.

P.S. If this post did not make any sense to you I recommend that you skip your 2 next meals (you can drink as much water as you wish) and then come back and read this post when you are still hungry. You may just begin to understand it then. There is no way burpers and farters can comprehend the contents here and so I advice that you d not even try.

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kumekucha said...

No matter how hard you try you will not be able to out-vote the low-lifes, so you'd better pay attention to what they are saying.

Anonymous said...

Thomas Munyua said on FACEBOOK;
..Lets be completely honest with ourselves. Kenyans will not vote for whom the upper class think has a great agenda. Its about who understands my pain and whom i identify with. Tell them in our ghettos and homeless families that Kidero understands there pains and they will laugh at your face. Waititu won fair and square and now we want him bar because he does not have a college degree? Then we have eliminated 90% of Kenyans from elected office. Thats what i call class warfare. We are dividing Kenyans into have and have nots. Am left wondering what is different between 2007/2008 and now. Thats what has happened with RAO in Nyanza where the Luos have completely rejected his cronies and family for those whom they feel understands their stations in life and will be there day and night to fight for their rights to survive and their kids rights to a fair Kenya. If we hold this truths to be self evident that all man are created equal with all rights then STOP tell Kenyans who to VOTE FOR. Waititu belongs to the poor working class and the under privileged and Kidero belongs to the educated and upper class and trust me the fight this time is for the HEART AND SOUL of Kenya UNSEEN class or untouchables. Its their coming out PARTY. THE STREET HAWKERS, SINGLE PARENTS AND THOSE IN FORGOTTEN VILLAGES. THEY WILL VOTE FOR THEIR OWN LEADERS JUST TO STICK IT TO US AND THE WEST. THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE JUBILEE JUST LIKE WHAT WRITTEN IN BIBLE WHEN THE PEOPLES POWER WAS ACHIEVED.

Mwarang'ethe said...

"That was the beginning of my education on how most Kenyans live this life. Always the curious type I ventured into many slum areas making friends easily and learning what I thought would always be for my own consumption."


You must be a very, very lucky chap to have began learning what is Kenya after your 6th form.

Sample this:

You are 6, 7, 8 etc old.

You wake up in the morning. You take whatever is called breakfast in the village.

Then, at 7.30 a.m. you take your:

(a) A panga,

(b) a spade, and

(c) the big stick.

Armed with these 3 instruments of WEALTH PRODUCTION, you take and drive your cows and goats for about 15 kilometers as you graze around.

When you get to the DRY RIVER called THURA (check on Google THURA RIVER in Mbeere), you DIG wells for like 70 cows and 100 goats.

As they drink, they refill the wells so that, by the time they are done, you have dug and dug.

After the animals have drunk, you also, go down and you drink that same water.

Thereafter, you start the journey home. You get home like 7 p.m. and it is when you eat your next meal.

And, when we sold these cows and goats at the local market, and bought some stuff, we WERE TAXED.

Why were being taxed?

Well, WE CAME to learn much later that, we were BEING TAXED after such HARD and HONEST LABOUR/TOIL, so as to provide NICE TOILETS and ELECTRICTY to those who happened to live in KILELESHWA and were drive to schools by CARS, i.e. the PARASITICS CLASS!

Lord! Hear that LUXURY of the NON - PRODUCTIVE people while we TOIL!

It is from this NATIVE AND HARD WON WISDOM/INSIGHT of what is REAL and FAKE, we are able to listen to most Kenyans and especially those who shout about Constitution, OPIUM SESSION, IVY LEAGUE of FOOLS DEGREES and dismiss them as people who dwell in that wonderful world of DELUSION, ILLUSION and CHILDISH FANTASIES.

With that, we leave in peace to enjoy:

Mukuru, i.e. This WEALTH GAP:

Anonymous said...

we have a problem....

we have a BIG problem. The low lifes want to mess up our well laid corruption plans. You think we are spending millions in these elections without a plan to recover with profit???

BUT the plot thickens...

There are plenty of fat businessmen lining up to see Waititu this very minute. So what else is new?

-Marasa big ya Nairobi-

Anonymous said...

I am madly in love with this Chris Kumekucha guy. Would love to meet him and buy him a drink.

Can I?

Anonymous said...

My friends think I am from Mars when I tell them exactly what has been said in this post. They will never get it. Kumekucha you've wasted your time writing this post.


Luke said...

Chris my brother
Your problem has always been you write posts only for POOR KENYANS-that is why this blog commands LOW TRAFFIC compared to....
The truth is the world (even Kenya) REVOLVES around money, It's your own fault if you are POOR STUPID.

start BLOGGING FOR RICH FELLOWS the way TAABU/PHIL/MWARANG'ETHE DO and you will soon be showing POST MOLARS smiling with the rest of us

kumekucha said...

@ Luka wa kutemebea peke yake


Thanx for the advice BUT...

It seems I have been blogging for the rich until now.

Never again.

Taabu said...


Are you drumming for CLASS WARS? It may seem so but I fear Waititu/Sonko axis may be delusional.

The duo may have generated plenty of heat and media being Nairobi. Elsewhere it is business-as-usual. And BTW just as the middle class prentend to act above fray, the toxic tribalism does not escape the LOW-LIFES (outside NBO).

PS: KK is lucky because one of our own Luka is not only the COMMUNICATION MANAGER of Othaya aspirant but also Waititu's speechwriter.

Anonymous said...


Kudos for the juxtapositioning the currrent reality of the two families located somewhere in our beloved people's republic.

For you information, there an absence of one set of family with a uniformed domestic crew in attendence within the gated compound of the upscale property.

Including their well fed special breed of pets imported from Wales, running around in the background with very expensive electronic collars attached around their necks.

Why do you tend to forget that in these days a picture is worth more than just a thousand hits.

Details! Details! Details! When it comes to juxtapositioned snipits of our wonderfully constrated lifestyles in Kenya, fifty years after the country gained full independence from our former generous colonial masters and cultural and religious oppressors.

Anonymous said...

How stupid and ridiculous it is for anybody to imagine [Mh.] Waititu as governor of Nairobi County.

Chris of Kumekucha, be saddened no more nor allow your world view to be stung by the concealed menacing spiked tails of urban scorpians who love to pass themselves of as a constantly thriving middle-class.

All they will ever do is remain caught up or worse trapped in a merry go round hamster cage - made in Nairobi - until the upscale neighbourhoods of Nairobi reject them for one reason or another, as it always happens and has occurred in numerous of cases since the early 1960s.

Further, be saddened no more because urban political history has a way of repeating itself in many places around the globe, and Nairobi County is not an exception by all accounts.

Some of us are very much aware of the fact that we are who we are and we are based in Afrika Mashariki and not in Europa or Amrika, however, politics is always by any other name the same type of animal no matter where general elections are bound to take place.

There are so many humbling lessons from the pages of political history, where someone or a group of people must uttered the same sentiments in terms of their own versions of - 'ridiculous' - Waititu's political aspirations for governroship.

Case in point, Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger, an Austrian immigrant, former professional bodybuilder and actor managed to be elected - the 39th - Governor of California, and went on to serve two full terms.

Another one is James George Janos better known as Jesse Ventura, former professional wrestler and askari, was elected as - the 38th - Governor of Minnesota.

So, why not Mh. Rusha Mawe Waititu if the majority of votes are cast in his favour as a man of the people - mtu wa watu or muntu wa bantu?

Anonymous said...

For your - middle-class - information, Schwarzenegger and Ventura went to defeat their versions of Kidero, Mbaru, including many several self-made millionaires and other self-proclaimed intellectuls with the support of the common folks who believed in them.

JAYNE said...


Anonymous said...


Given that Kenyan politics are what they are, we should therefore not be ashamed to proclaim Margaret Wanjiru Tosha in spite of all the remarks we have dished out against her.

She is the lesser of the two evils and she is bound to do a better job in the senate and in the best interest(s) of Nairobi County, given that she has more prominence in most of the constituencies of Nairobi County.

On the other hand, the shock and humiliation that she underwent in the last couple of weeks is enough to keep her on the straight and narrow to the point where she will never attempt to take her senatorial duties for granted, should she win the senatorial vote, which many are now sure she is going to win given her high profile and the kind of 'suspect' competition she now faces just weeks leading to March 4th.

By the way, her reentry into senior level politics of Nairobi will have adverse consequences for Bw. Nyapara Msomi in many ways than the her party had intended for him in the first place.

Many residents of Nairobi County should not be surprised at all if majority of the electorate decide to grant her their votes as well as extend the same to Mh. Rusha Mawe for whatever reasons that are now known in the struggle between the lowlifes and the wannabe higher-ups.

Bw. Nyapara Msomi may end up being one of the greatest casualities as expected after March 4th due to the ongoing tilting of the political landscape in Nairobi County.

Bi. Margaret Wanjiru Tosha!!!! Hakuna mwengine kama yeye!!!!

M. Pesa said...

Wow, very moving piece indeed, tell 'em bro..tell 'em! While Kidero is busy using power point presentations to show complex graphs and data on how to transform Kenya, Waititu is speaking the basics that resonate well with the dirt poor who happen to be the majority in Nairobi. Quick solutions first to most important issues.

He's talking about sanitation, how to stop those flying toilets for proper and cheaper toilets that will make the poor feel human. He's talking about the Std. 8 dropouts being given a free pass to high school in a cheaper education system.

He's talking about lessening bureaucracy and licensing regime for new or smaller business. All this and more happens to be sweet music to the ears of vast majority.

Kidero may as well be talking in Greek about his huge projects which will take decades to accomplish! As political scientist mutahi Ngunyi put in his Tweet, "As for Kidero, he is a blind man, in a dark room, chasing a black cat, which is not there. He is saying the right things to the wrong people!"

No need to add more!

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